The Game-Over
Abe felt the last of his strength dissolve the moment he took out his keys. It was such an ordinary thing, taking out a set of keys. He had done it countless times, and could probably do it blindfolded. But as he rubbed his thumb over the beaded key ring his nephew Josh had made for him at camp last summer and heard the familiar, homey clink of brass against brass, reality finally hit, and his hand shook too violently to fit the key in the keyhole.
"You look ready to crash," Finn said, taking the keys from Abe's fingers. He opened the door, scooped Abe into his arms and carried him inside.
Abe wanted to cling to him, but he shouldn't. "I'll be fine, Finn. Ghost and Rafe are waiting for you downstairs."
Finn kicked the door shut with his heel. "I told them not to. They went back to the command center without me."
"Why?"
"Matthew has his family to talk to, but you can't tell yours what happened. Rafe and Ghost agreed that you shouldn't be alone right now." He didn't put Abe on his feet. He took the blanket from Abe's shoulders and tossed it aside as he carried him straight through to his bedroom.
The bed wasn't made. The bedding was still in a tangled heap, the way it had been left yesterday. Finn laid Abe in the center of the mattress and tugged off his shoes. Then he unzipped Abe's pants and started to tug them off, too.
Abe put his hands on fin's arm. "Finn..."
"Don't worry, Abe. I know you are tied. You have been running on fumes for the past hour. I want to take off your pants because there are bloodstains on them."
Abe had almost forgotten. He didn't look. He lifted his hips to help.
Finn pulled up the sheet and tucked it around him. "Do you need to use the bathroom?"
Abe shook his head.
"Okay." Finn withdrew several ammunition clips from the pockets of his jumpsuit, dropped them on the floor and sat on the edge of the bed to discard his boots.
"What are you doing?" Abe asked.
"All I want to do is hold you, Abe." Finn stretched out on top of the covers beside Abe and opened his arms. "Please, let me stay with you until you fall asleep."
The longing in Finn's gaze was his undoing. He had been wrong: he could love him more. With a grateful sigh he moved into his embrace and put his head on Finn's chest.
Finn's arms settled around his back. He exhaled slowly. "Damn, that feels good."
Abe listened to Finn's heartbeat, soaking in his strength and his familiar scent. He felt drained, completely boneless. Every overloaded nerve in his body was crying for rest. But he needed Finn more than he needed to sleep.
And he needed to talk. The horror had to come out. Now that he was safe in Finn's embrace, he could let it go. "Part of me can't believe this was all real."
"It will fade after a while." Finn's voice was a soothing rumble under his ear.
"The Ibrus thought I was brave. I wasn't. I was terrified."
"You did well. By ramming that car, you saved Matthew's life."
"There was nothing else I could do after they shot Sandra. They were going to kill an innocent child."
"Yes."
"Why? How can people do things like that?"
Finn stroked Abe's hair. "They didn't see him as a person. All they could see was their political agenda."
"They wouldn't have surrendered."
"No. That's why we had to shoot them."
Red light flashed behind Abe's eyes, images from a nightmare. Pencil-thin beams from laser sights piercing the car window. Explosions of glass. The air filled with hot wet splatters. His breath hitched.
"It's all right, Abe," Finn said. "It's over now."
Abe remembered the sudden silence: the smell of blood and death. Limp weight pinning him in his crouch. Dead weight. Oh, God.
"Abe, it's over," Finn repeated firmly. "You are safe."
Abe exhaled hard and focused on Finn's strong heartbeat. The nightmare faded. "I wish I could forget," he said.
Finn continued to run his hand over Abe's hair. Long, calming strokes, the warmth of his touch drawing Abe back from the memories. "We have people who can help you deal with this. After a mission, a lot of men need support. I can call someone."
"No, Finn. I didn't go through the kind of trauma Matthew did. I don't need a psychiatrist. I just need...this. I need you to hold me."
"You got it. As long as you want."
Abe knew he didn't mean that. He would have to get back to the command center eventually. Until he did, though, Abe was going to treasure every minute.
Finn had tried to warm him. So had Sandra. Finn's world really was too different from his. How could he ask Finn to open his heart? Now that he had experienced what Finn had to deal with, he understood why he would need his distance to survive. If he really loved Finn, he would want what was best for him, wouldn't he?
But he wasn't some heroic commando; he was just an ordinary man in love. He still wasn't ready to let Finn go. He curled his arm around his waist. "What time is it?"
Finn twisted his wrist to look at his watch, then slipped the watch off and laid it on the bedside table. "Just after three."
"Is that all? Are you sure?"
"Seems longer, doesn't it?"
"The past week seems like a lifetime."
"Time takes on a different quality during a mission. Speeds up and slows down whether you want it or not." Finn spread his fingers over his back. "It felt as if the chopper took years to get to you."
"I knew you would come, Finn."
Finn's chest moved as he swallowed hard. "I shouldn't have left you, Abe. I shouldn't have let them put you in danger."
Abe could feel the tension gathering in Finn's body. His muscles quivered. Abe was squeezing himself to him so tightly it was verging on painful. He lifted his head to look at Finn. "It was nobody's fault. Life doesn't always go according to plan. You've shown me that. There aren't any guarantees, even in my safe, ordinary, normal world. I could get hit by a truck when I cross the street on my way to the library next week."
Finn cupped his head in his hands, his gaze suddenly fierce. "Don't say that."
"It's true. I see, now, that you were right. All we can count on is the moment."
Finn looked at Abe's mouth. "When I heard you had been taken, I wasn't thinking about the moment, Abe. I was thinking about all the moments yet to come."
"Finn, will you kiss me?"
"You need to sleep. I'll hold you, that's all."
"I can sleep tomorrow."
"You're exhausted. You've been through hell."
"Kiss me." Abe stretched on top of him, brining his face closer to Finn's. "Then I'll go to sleep."
"Abe..."
"Don't you want to kiss me?"
Finn tunneled his fingers through Abe's hair. "Oh, Abe. I want to do a lot more than that."
Abe rubbed his lips over the cleft in Finn's chin. "Please, Finn," he whispered. "I'm afraid of what I'll see if I close my eyes now."
Finn hooked his legs over Abe's and rolled to his side. Starting with Abe's forehead, he trailed tender, feather light kisses to Abe's temple. He kissed the line of his jaw and the hollow at the base of his throat.
Abe moved against him, trying to stir the passion that he knew Finn could give him, hoping that desire would shut down his brain. He reached between them and found him already hard. With the back of his fingers he traced Finn's arousal, welcoming the answering throb that started within his own loins.
Finn slid further down the bed, easing himself out of Abe's grasp. "Not like this, Abe."
Abe reached for the zipper on the front of Finn's jumpsuit. "Please, Finn. I want..."
"I know what you want." Finn caught Abe's hand and brought it to his mouth. He kissed each of Abe's fingers, his palm and his knuckles. He took Abe's other hand and breathed lightly on the bandage that wrapped his wrist, and then dipped his tongue in the crease of his elbow. "You have told me exactly what you want."
"What are you talking about?"
Finn pulled aside the sheet he had wrapped him in and pressed a lingering kiss to his hip. Finn's cheek moved in a smile. "When I figure it out, you'll be the first to know."
Abe gave up talking then. It took too much energy to form a thought. Finn kissed the curve of his ribs and the underside of his chin. Finn rubbed his lips over the bruises he had gotten when he had been thrown from the van. Finn sifted his finger through Abe's head as tenderly as when he had removed the shards of glass. Then he stripped off his clothes and used the heat of his body to caress Abe from his toes to his neck.
Finn didn't touch Abe's nipples. He didn't kiss his mouth. He kept his hands away from his thighs, yet by the time he pulled Abe on top of him, Abe was trembling with the need to join his body to Finn's.
They flowed together between one breath and the next. It was gentle, amazing and precious. Finn took Abe in his arms, shifting his hips in a slow sure rhythm that bound Abe to him even while he soared. When Abe finally closed his eyes, he didn't see blood or death. He saw candles. Tall, thick and glowing with warmth. He held on to Finn and basked in their heat.
It was almost dawn when Finn awoke. He was spooned around Abe's back, his arms crossed over Abe's as if even in his sleep, he hadn't wanted to let him go. He should head back to the command center soon. The mission was over. He had a duty to his team... But he also had a duty to Abe. Abe had been so generous, giving emotional support to everyone else throughout the mission, that he couldn't imagine leaving him until he could be sure Abe was all right. He took Abe's good hand and twined their fingers together. Who was he kidding? He couldn't imagine leaving Abe at all. The thought should have jarred him, but it didn't. He breathed in the scent of Abe's hair as he looked around the bedroom. Abe's bloodstained clothes lay on the floor next to his black assault jumpsuit, Abe's black underwear draped over his discarded boots. We've had different lives, but we still want the same things. I can see it in your eyes, Finn. I feel it in the way you hold me. That's what Abe had told him the last time they had been together on this bed. He had told him he loved him. What did Abe feel when he held him now? Abe hadn't mentioned love at all. But he hadn't needed to. He had seen it in his gaze and felt it in the way Abe clung to him even in his sleep. He closed his eyes and listened to the sound of Abe's soft, even breathing. The last time they had been together, he had been so hot for Abe he hadn't wanted to waste much time sleeping. The sex had been better than anything he had experienced before. Yet tonight, he would have been content just to hold him... Finn's lips quirked. Again, who was he kidding? From the moment he had pulled Abe out of the car and into his arms, he had been pulsing with the need to reaffirm Abe's survival in the most primitive way possible. But Abe deserved more than battlefield lust and adrenaline. He deserved his dreams. Something creaked in the living room. Finn's eyes snapped open. He was instantly on full alert. He focused his senses on the shadowed doorway to the hall. There was no further sound, but a current of air stirred Abe's scent against his nose. They weren't alone. The deadbolt he had installed last week should have kept out a run-of-the-mill thief. Could the intruder be some left over Boko Haram dreg who had somehow escaped the sweep? He assessed his options as he eased out of the bed. He had ammo, but he hadn't brought any weapons into Abe's apartment. It made no difference – if someone tried to harm Abe, he would kill them with his bare hands. He moved to the bedroom door and listened. There was a faint thud, followed by a whispered oath. Finn padded silently toward the living room. In the predawn glow that filtered through the sliding glass doors to the balcony, he saw two large male figures. He knew who they were – he was well accustomed to recognizing them in the dark. He let his muscles relax and reached for the light. Rafe was sitting on the arm of the sofa. He had cleaned up and changed from his jumpsuit to army fatigues. "You're slipping, Braveheart. Took you almost five seconds. Jack stood beside the avocado plant. Like Rafe, he had donned fatigues. He squinted against the light as he brushed leaves from his green camouflage-patterned shirt. More leaves littered the carpet at his feet. "What is this thing, anyway?" "Abe's intruder alarm," Finn muttered. He went back to the bedroom, checked to make sure Abe still slept, and then grabbed his shorts and closed the bedroom door. He pulled them on and returned to the living room. "What the hell are two doing here?" Rafe gave him a loose salute. "Taxi service." "Mother Hen ordered us to pick you up before you annoy Ghost again," Jack said. "I thought Sandra was in the hospital," Finn said. "She is. She is supposed to be sedated, but these Yankees don't know her. They gave her a phone." "How is she doing?" "Her progress is excellent if she follows orders and takes things easy." Jack chuckled. "Which is unlikely. Do I need to look in on Abe?" "He's sleeping. I want you line up a trauma counselor for him, just in case." "You got it." Jack glanced toward the bedroom, and then looked at Finn. "He did well. The men all admire his courage." "So do I." "Ironic, isn't it?" Jack said. "He saved the Ibru boy three times. Twice by messing up the drop, the third time by bad driving." Finn wasn't sure he'd ever reach the point where he could laugh about it. The memory of what might have happened would haunt him to his last day. He rubbed the back of his neck and looked at Rafe. "Any more news on the Boko Haram?" "Plenty. Some of documents we found at the Boko Haram base that were in Arabic turned out to be future plans. Names, places and dates. The Army is already moving in to round up the cells in Nigeria." "That's more than we could have hoped for," Finn said. "Yeah." Rafe gave him a long look. "Funny what we can find when we aren't even looking, isn't it? Have you thought about it yet?" "About what?" "The mission is over," Rafe pointed to the apartment door. A flowered tapestry-patterned suitcase rested on the floor beside the closet. "We packed up Abe's stuff for him." "He will appreciate that." "We had to pack yours, too." Jack said. "The warehouse is cleared out. The transport is loading to take us back to Bragg." Finn had known this was coming. The men would start disassembling the command center the moment Matthew had been delivered to his parents. The tent, the folding chairs, cots and tables, the weapons and electronic equipment and everything in their home for the past week would be packed up and loaded into the vehicles that had brought them here. Nothing would remain in the warehouse to mark their presence except some foot prints on the floor. The mission was over. He should be on his way to Bragg with his team, analyzing the details of this mission and anticipating the challenge of the next, it was what he did. It was the only life he knew. Or it had been, until Abe had come into it. Finn walked past Rafe to pick up the phone. "What are you doing?" Jack asked. "We don't have much time." "I'm not going with you. I'm calling the commander." He punched in the number of Ghost's cell phone. "I need to request an emergency leave so I don't go down an AWOL." "Jack moved quickly to press his finger over the disconnect button. "Don't do it, son." "Keep out of this, Jack." "Your duty here is done. Abe's going to be fine. He doesn't need you anymore." Finn knocked Jack's hand away from the phone. "Maybe not. But I need him." Jack stared at him. "You are serious." "Damn right. I need that man. I..." And suddenly it all became perfectly clear. He had the answer to the question that had been circling his mind for days. He smiled. "I don't like the look of that smile," Jack muttered. "Yeah, I'd say he thought about it, all right," Rafe said. Finn dialed Ghost's number again. When he heard Ghost's voice, he squared his shoulders, prepared for a fight. But someone had beaten him to it. He listened, stunned as Ghost confirmed a short leave had already been approved. He was told to report to Fort Bragg in three days time. Rafe was grinning as Finn hung up the phone. "The Captain has been busy." Finn felt off balance, as if he had just thrown all his weight against a door to break it only to find it was already open. "The three-day leave was Sandra's idea," Rafe continued. "Lately, she's been getting into that touchy-feely stuff; said you and Abe deserve some more time alone. Jack, can you give him anything for those hives?" "Last chance, O'Brian," Jack said. "You can still come with us." Finn took a pace back. Jack muttered an oath and reached into his pocket for his wallet. He counted out five twenty dollar bills and handed them to Rafe. "Looks like you win, Rafe." Rafe chuckled as he folded the money. "I had an advantage. Ever since I found Glenna, I can recognize the signs." He stood up, reached behind the sofa and tossed a duffel bag toward Finn. "Well, since you are staying, you are going to need this." Finn caught it and looked at the name on the top. It was his own. "Your helmet's in the closet by the door." Rafe said. "I left your bike in the visitor's lot. Your keys are in the duffel bag." Jack was still muttering as he walked to the door. "I thought it was a sure bet." "It was," Rafe said. "You just chose the wrong side." He punched Finn's shoulder as he went past. "Good luck, buddy. We'll see you at Bragg." Finn locked the door behind them and stared at the bag in his hand. Rafe had known all along that he would want to stay. More than that, he had suckered Jack into betting against him. Finn wondered if Abe's family was anything like his family, the members of the Nighthawks. Probably. And oddly enough, he was looking forward to meeting them. Shaking his head, he turned toward the bedroom. Abe stood in the bedroom doorway, his eyes puffy. Sleep wrinkles pressed into his cheeks from the pillow. He clutched his robe closed at his throat and looked around. "Finn? I thought I heard voices." How could he have thought Abe wasn't his type? He had never seen a man look more beautiful. He put his bag beside Abe's suitcase and walked toward him. "You did. Rafe and Jack were here to drop off our things. They are on their way back to the base." "The warehouse?" "No. It's been cleared out. They are going home." "Oh. But why are you still here?" Finn stopped when his toes nudged Abe's. There were so many things he could say. Too many unformed explanations whirled in his head. It wasn't easy to change the habits of a lifetime, but right now – this moment – was where it would start. So he gave Abe the simple answer. "I'm here because I love you, Abe." Abe blinked. The hand that held his robe closed trembled. "I love you," Finn repeated. "Damn, I've never said that to anyone before, but do you know something? It gets easier the more I say it." Abe let go of his robe and touched his fingertips lightly to Finn's face. He must be dreaming: walking in his sleep, and fantasizing. But Finn was real. His jaw prickled with the start of his morning beard stubble. His dimples deepened beneath his thumb. He was no fantasy. Somehow the man he loved was standing in front of him and saying... "Say it again," he whispered. Finn laughed. "I love you, Mr. Abraham Locke." Abe smiled. "That's the one." Finn lifted Abe up so his face was level with his. He looked at Abe's mouth. "I sure hope your smile means what it did yesterday." "Yesterday, today and tomorrow. It won't change, Finn." Abe wrapped his legs around Finn's waist. "I'll always love you." Finn kissed his nose. "How about the day after tomorrow?" "Yes." Finn kissed his chin. "And the day after that?" "Yes, yes!" "Good, because I only have three days before I have to go back to Bragg. Do you think we can get married by then?" Abe looped his arm behind Finn's neck as his head started to spin. "Married?" "I thought that's what you wanted." "It's so sudden. We've only known each other for a week." Finn swung him to the side and nipped his earlobe. "What's the use of waiting around once you've made your choice?" "Finn, are you sure?" "Yes. I want to stay." There was something about the way Finn said those words that made him pause. He grabbed Finn's head in his hands so that he could look at him. Finn was no longer smiling. There were no barriers between what he kept in his heart and what showed on his face. And what Abe saw made him catch his breath. It was pain mixed with courage. Caution tangled with hope. Longing. Certainty. "I want to stay," Finn repeated. "Whether it's here or at Bragg. Where we live doesn't matter, as long as we are together. I'm through standing on the outside looking in. You've shown me what true courage is, Abe. This time I'm not going to leave." Abe knew what this must be costing him. He understood the scars of Finn's past were only beginning to heal. But Finn was willing to take this risk, and he loved him all the more for it. "And I know I'm not the man you had in mind," Finn said. "But I'll trade in my bike for a station wagon if that's what it takes to make your dreams come true." "Oh, Finn." Abe smoothed Finn's too-long hair and pressed a kiss to one dimple. Someday he would take the time to think about fate and karmic birthday gifts, but not now. He pulled Finn's head to his. "You are all that I could wish for. I don't want you to change a thing."