Warning: This story contains may contain (I haven't decided yet) sexual relationships between women. If it is illegal in your country to be subjected to this kind of material or sexual relationships between women offend you leave now.
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Terrified is probably a good descriptive word when it comes to how I feel right now. My urge to throw up wasn't exactly helping my decision making at the moment either. I was in front of my closet staring blankly at the different colours and styles of clothes that I have never and probably would never wear. After what happened with Alex yesterday, (the whole jogging thing) I should be happy, ecstatic even, and I am. A part of me is, but an even bigger part of me is petrified. I stayed up all night, thinking about what I'm risking every time I talk to her. I don't want to face it, the thing that scares me the most, the thing that I've been running from most of my life, the thing that's getting harder to run from every time I see her.
Jackie was doing the whole silent treatment thing, for the record it's nearly impossible for Jackie to keep silent. Alex and Jackie were at the door, correction Alex was at the door while Jackie was out on the sidewalk with her back facing the house. Yea she was still pissed at me.
"Hey Jackie."
"Humph.did you here something Alex?" She clicked her tongue.
"She's pretty mad at you." Alex smiled stating the obvious. I smiled back her. She was wearing this light green shirt that really complimented her eyes.For a moment I forgot who I was and what I was doing. "Soooo," Alex said breaking the silence, "I guess we should get going?"
"uh-oh yea..sorry" I felt my face getting warm, as Alex gave me a weird look.
We walked for about ten minutes, Alex and I occasionally making small talk, when Jackie realized I was ignoring her as she ignored me. She whispered something to Alex, who was walking between Jackie and I. Alex sighed.
"Jackie wants to know if you have anything to say." Alex rolled her eyes.
"Tell Jackie that if she wants to know that she should ask me directly." Jackie kept a straight face and again whispered something in Alex's ear.
"Jackie says she'll give you a break. She says she knows you're sorry and she forgives you even though you're too much of a pussy to say it." Jackie shot a smug smile in my direction and stuck her tongue out at me.
"Next time let me know when you're PMS-ing, then I won't be so surprised when you throw a bitch fit." Alex snorted at Jackie's remark. I rolled my eyes at both of them, Jackie was smiling and I was smiling and everything was back to normal.
"Well I hope whatever ailment you had yesterday is all cleared up. I know all about your attendance record Miss Clark and if your so called ailments are preventing you from attending class then maybe you don't belong here. Do you understand?"
"Yes Miss." I averted my eyes. Anywhere but the beady hawk like eyes of Miss Leja. Despite her tiny stature she was known for her no nonsense attitude. I wasn't exactly shocked when I walked in the classroom and she instantly sunk her claws into me, I was just happy to make it out without a visit to the principles office. I took a seat in an empty desk that happened to be beside a smirking Alex. Half the class was snickering at me and my run in with Leja and the other half was already over it and talking amongst themselves about more important issues.
"You know, Kira you fully deserved that."
"Yeah, whatever." My face felt warm, for the second time today and it was only second period.
"If you're not too busy in detention after school.I was wondering if you wanted to come running with me or whatever." Miss Leja had begun her lesson and was writing the heading on the board, while all around me students were taking out fresh pieces of papers ready to take notes. I turned to Alex, she was turned away from me, not giving me a chance to respond, and copying down whatever it was that was on the board. Then it hit me, maybe she thought I wasn't interested in going with her because I didn't say yes right away. Yes, I wanted to scream as loud as my voice would allow. I didn't care about disturbing the class, or getting detention. I could just tell her yes, but I couldn't I mean I can , but I know I that I won't, I could also just let it die like she never asked me. Just pretend like I forgot. Didn't matter how, I just can't say yes. I can't be around her alone anymore. I opened my binder that was sitting on the top corner of my desk and pulled out a sheet of clean lined paper. Sorry I can't. I scribbled on the first line. I folded the paper until it was just a tiny square. I turned to her, she stopped writing long enough to see the folded paper I handed it to her and smiled apologetically before I got another sheet of paper and promptly wrote down the note that was on the board. I paid attention for the rest of class, even when I heard the crumbling of paper being unfolding. I kept my eyes straight ahead on the board.
Entry 7 English class 11:10 am (almost lunch time) Day 3 .07
Sorry I can't. That bugs me. I should be paying attention, Taking notes But it's bugging me I was hoping. I don't know what I was hoping. It doesn't matter anyways She can't.
Lunch was awkward, almost as uncomfortable as it was two days ago when Jackie first invited Alex to sit at our table. The difference with two days ago, Monday, and today, Wednesday, is that on Monday I ran off with some lame excuse a few minutes after the former new girl sat down and today that new girl is now my friend, somewhat, and instead of running off I'm sitting here at the lunch table, which used to be crowded with guys by the way, beside Alex, the not so new, new girl, and in front of Jackie. I'm silent. My mouth isn't too full of, cafeteria bought mashed potatoes (atleast I think it's sopposed to be mashed potatoes), I'm pushing that around with my plastic fork. Jackie and Alex are immersed in some deep conversation and I'm feeling pretty shitty. Alex hasn't said anything about me blowing her off, actually she just acted pretty normal about it after the bell rang. During English though she barely said a word to me, you can imagine how terrible that was. The whole time I was trying to think up something to say anything, maybe an excuse, I just wanted to know what was going on through her mind. Before I knew it the bell rang and Alex gathered up her stuff turned and smiled while she waited for me. The last thing I expected was for her to wait for me. And now we're here in the caff, them talking, me confused and quiet. Maybe I should go.
"Hey guys," they momentarily stopped their conversation. "I'm gonna take off for a bit."
"Where are you going?" Jackie's face fell. I briefly looked at Alex she opened her mouth like she wanted to say something only to close it.
"I don't know, I'll probably go sit outside for a bit." I answered truthfully, as I put my backpack on and took up with my lunch tray.
"Do you want us to come?" Jackie looked really concerned, later she would probably ask me if I'm okay or something. I sighed suddenly feeling a lot more stressed.
" Naw it's cool. See you after lunch." Alex nodded and Jackie looked at me like I was some foreign language she couldn't read.
In my opinion, the best class in this school is Media Arts. It's usually run by this erratic teacher, Mr. Filipuik, who shouts random yet loving insults at the students. Today the class is being held in the library because the media arts room is under construction, that's code for all the computers aren't set up yet. That meant the class had no actual access to computers because the library computers were already booked by another class. Our teacher Mr. Filipuik brought all 15 of us to the very back of the library and declared this our study period. Instead of keeping an eye on us like a good teacher should, Mr. Filipuik promptly ambled over to Mrs. Scott, the middle aged, married librarian, and proceeded to flirt with her. Three thirds of the class left as soon as the words study period left Filipuike's mouth. He didn't mind. Alex and I decided to stay (ha and Zari thinks I skip a lot) along with three other students who managed to snag the only remaining computer. I took my English homework out thinking maybe taking it out would motivate me to do the homework but after five minutes of starring at a blank sheet of paper I got distracted by Alex. She was scribbling something in an illegible script in a small blue notebook. I tried to look over her shoulder until she caught me and instead of closing her notebook she turned her body in my direction and looked me straight in the eye. My breathing stopped, momentarily and I could feel myself blushing. She didn't look away. She was doing that thing that I hate, looking right through and into me at the same time.
"Are you busy after school?"
"No." I answered automatically. Then I realized what I said, and English and jogging came back to me and I immediately hated myself when she looked away from me and looked down at the table. "It's not that I don't want to." I found my self trying to explain, anything to get that hurt look off her face.
"So you can't."
"No, not exactly." She was looking at me again.
"Oh, you don't want to."
"No I want to come but. it's complicated, I.look forget about the note I take it back."
"You can't take it back."
"Well.let's pretend I can. Poof, see it I took it back. Ask me again.".
"Why should I? What if you reject me all over again?" I could tell she was trying hard to keep from smiling.
"You won't be, c'mon ask me again."
"okay," she sighed, " do wanna come jogging with me after school today?"
"Yea, of course, just come over..see I told you to ask me again."
"Whatever, I still haven't forgiven you," she turned away from me and back to her notebook. "you owe me big time."
I hate waiting. It was after school and I'm waiting for Alex to show up. We didn't really specify a time or anything but she did say after 6ish so here I am it's after 6ish I've taken a shower, washed my hair and I'm waiting by the kitchen table. At 7:30 the doorbell rings and I calmly walked to the front door not surprised by the least to see Alex standing there in a pair of light green short shorts and a white T. When I manage to tear my eyes away from her legs I notice the rather buff guy standing behind her.
"That's Aiden," she says as I close the door. "Aiden this is Kira." Aiden half waves at me and immediately feel relived because I know there is no way Aiden is her boyfriend. Aiden is gay. I know this not because of his manly build and his handsome features, he doesn't look like the stereotypical gay guy, I just know this because he is gay and I can sense these things, at least when it comes to guys. We start running, I'm slightly ahead of Aiden and Kira but it doesn't matter because the sidewalk isn't big enough for all three of us anyway. Kira tells me how Aiden is her best friend from the Academia.
"Yes I do take ballet, and I am wayyy better than that one over there." He says playfully. Kira narrows her eyes and scoffs.
"Pleasse I'm way out of shape but I bet I can still kick your ass in a good ol' fashion dance off any day."
"Name the place and time honey." And on they went, I was pretty quiet throughout most of there entertaining banter but I was enjoying myself as I listened to them. They were obviously very close. When it started getting dark we end up in front of my house.
"So I'll see you tomorrow?" Alex asks, I can't help but smile at the tiny bit of hope I sense in her voice.
"Yea, today was fun. It was nice meeting you Aiden."
"You too, Kira. Bye."
"Bye, I'll see you guys tomorrow." I said as I walked the front door. I was happy for the first time in what seemed like ages.
*sorry it took my ages to finish this chapter. I actually started to hate this story a bit because I felt it veered too far away from the original vision I had. but anyways I have a different version of it on gay authors and it has undergone major surgery so it's a bit different but it's still the same.let's just say it's a lot closer to my original vision
**comments welcome at shelle_r02@hotmail.com *** http://www.gayauthors.org/efiction/viewstory.php?sid=452 for the more edited version of the same story.