Hey guys! Sorry it's been a while, college is back in session and I'm a senior, so I'm bogged down with work. Clinicals are rough and tiring. I wanted to get a chapter out over the long weekend. I'm going to work hard to get more chapters out sooner. I really love the emails you guys have sent. They are all very nice, they range from helpful comments to telling me they want to lick peanut butter off my legs, I'm not even joking. I mean I do love peanut butter, but I prefer it not be licked off of my body, maybe on the 2nd date, or if it's a really good 1st date we'll talk about it. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter!
You all know the deal. I'm not a child writing this, if you're not old enough, go watch educational TV, and come back in a few years.
As always, comments, questions, thoughts, concerns, nude pics and a list of your favorite things welcome at, Tylersaysgo@yahoo.com -J We made small talk on the walk to my house. I couldn't really tell you what we talked about, because I had my mind in overdrive thinking about how tonight I am going to tell Mitch that I am gay, and I have been in love with him since I can remember. Even as kids, I didn't know what to call my attraction to him, but it was there, I see it every time I have a memory of us from when we were younger. I would call him every day when I got off the school bus in elementary school, just to see how his day was. Especially the first year we were in separate classrooms. I guess the administration got smart and decided to split up the trouble makers. It always amazed me that as a kid I had this innate sense of attachment to him that I couldn't explain.
We got to my house and like clockwork, Mitch headed straight for the kitchen.
"Hey, does your mom have any of her home-made salsa? I love that shit," he yelled from the kitchen.
"No I don't think so, I think Dad ate it all a few days ago," I yell back from the living room where I am setting up the X-box. Our weekends mostly consisted of just lying in front of the TV with X-box controllers in hand playing some online Halo 1.
"Of course he did, he beat me to it this time," He said.
My Dad and Mitch have an unusual connection. They pick fight with each other all the time. They are like two teenage girls, I swear. Recently, there has been a war over Mom's salsa, so whenever she makes it, one of the two will eat it all just so the other won't get any. They always have a power struggle over food. Mitch walks back in the living room with an arm full of drinks, candy and other miscellaneous junk food. The next few hours would consist of no movement, except of the thumbs, and lots of foul language that I'm sure would make the devil blush.
We finished our gaming marathon and it was well past 2 A.M. Mitch was on a sugar high and I was about to be down for the count. He was bouncing off the damn walls. I headed upstairs to take my shower and unwind and I think he decided he was going for a jog, or with as much energy as he had from all that candy, a marathon. I stood in the shower just thinking to myself, how in the hell am I going to bring this up. It's not like I can casually say I'm gay and I want to do unspeakable things to you. I had a lot riding on this, I needed to stop and think all of this through. I could possibly lose one of the best things about my life. I needed to stop being a cynic and figure this out.
I got into bed and got all the way against the wall cause Mitch always prefers the outside of the bed, something about being able to escape in a fire, I'm not exactly sure, he has irrational fears some times. I laid there just thinking to myself when Mitch came back in. He came into my room and told me he was going to shower. At this point I was becoming a nervous wreck, I was literally about to have a mental break down. Mitch got into bed about fifteen minutes later and I just laid there, finding myself at a loss of words on how to work my way into this. I was about to speak when Mitch spoke up,
"Hey J, I need to tell you something," he said seriously.
I was a little surprised because I was about to say the same thing to him.
"Uh ok, what's up Mitch," I ask in a concerned tone.
"Well, I kind of need your advice on something," He said.
"I really like this girl, but I don't know how to tell her," My heart shattered. All hope I had, was now extinct. I was silent for a while, until I heard Mitch calling my name.
"Man did you even hear what I said," he asked.
"Oh um yeah I heard you," I respond detachedly
"So what do you think I should do," he repeated.
"I don't know Mitch, I'm not a relationship expert. Just tell her I guess," I said crossly.
"Are you okay man, you seem irritated," he probed
"I'm fine, just tired. I'm going to sleep now, night man," I said with no conviction. He didn't press the matter any further. I didn't sleep at all that night. I wanted to cry, but I didn't. I had to hold myself together. I had lost. There was no way I could have a happy ending. I wasn't sure if it was that I was jealous of her, or that now I knew he was straight and wasn't secretly fantasizing about me like I had hoped. The next morning Mitch woke up and asked if I was okay, and I told him I wasn't feeling well and that I was just going to sleep in today. He looked at me curiously, then sighed and said he'd check on me later today. I felt bad for lying to him. I just didn't know what else to do. I tried to tell myself that it could be worse, it is better to have him in my life than not at all. I needed to suck it up and get my shit together. He is my best friend, I don't need to push him away because things didn't go my way. I just needed some time to adjust to this. I had gone for so long thinking about him and him being my world, that I realized, I don't know how else to think or how to stop.
Later in the day around 5 P.M Mitch sent me a text,
`Hope you're feeling better man, see you in the morning for school -- Mitch'
I didn't respond, I just turned my phone off, and got back into bed. A few hours later I heard my parents come in. My Mom came into my room to check on me, but I pretended to be asleep. I just wasn't in a mood for talking. I fell asleep and was woken up by my shrill alarm, I swear when I get to college, I'm never taking an 8 A.M class. I got up and got ready for school, I debated on staying out, but that would definitely cause Mitch to come around more, and I needed to see less of him, for now. It just hurt knowing that while I'm busy putting him in every aspect of my life, I would never be in every aspect of his. It was hard to accept, I didn't want to, but I had to. I needed to be by myself as much as possible for now.
I picked up my phone to send Mitch a quick message,
`Running late-go ahead and go without me--James'
A few minutes later, my phone beeped indicating I had a message from Mitch,
`Ok buddy, see you at school -- Mitch'
I closed my phone and just sat in my room, waiting for time to pass so it will look like I'm actually running late. I tried to avoid my parents as much as possible, because my mom has an uncanny ability to sense when something is bothering me, and she always makes me feel better, but right now I just wanted to wallow in my own self-pity. I headed out to school around 7:43 A.M giving me just enough time to walk there and arrive right as the 8 A.M. bell would ring. I went straight to orchestra class and played mechanically. I was there physically, but mentally I was in another world, one where life always unfolded the way you hoped it would.
By lunch time, I was feeling so lethargic, that all I wanted to do was go home and sleep. I didn't eat lunch, I just sat at the table waiting for everyone else to get there. Andrew was the first one to come up to the table,
"You look like shit," he said peeling his orange.
"Thanks, it takes real dedication to look this good," I replied sarcastically.
"For real though man, you don't look so good. Is everything okay," he asked.
"Yeah, I'm just wallowing in my own misery, I'll be fine," I said unenthusiastically.
"Is it Mitch," he asked. I just nodded because as I was, Mitch and his friends were approaching the table. They all sat down, Andrew gave me a sympathetic look, and joined in on their conversation about this Friday's game against Moss-Crest High School. I just sat there thinking and waiting for the lunch period to be over. We had about five minutes left when Mitch turned and asked me how I was feeling.
"I'm okay, just feeling sick," I say.
"I think I'm gonna head on upstairs to class," I said getting up. I told everyone bye, and I felt Mitch's eyes on my back as I left. I wanted to talk to him, but I just don't think I can handle talking to him about this girl that he likes just yet. My pity party wasn't over yet. Andrew came in right after the bell rung signifying that lunch was over. He sat beside me and proceeded to talk,
"What happened man," he asked
"It's nothing, Andrew, I'm just feeling bad for myself, nothing serious," I said hoping he would drop the issue, but he didn't.
"You danced around my question. I asked what happened," he said with some authority.
I just sighed and responded, "I was about to tell Mitch I was gay and that he meant the world to me, but he proceeded to tell me right before that he was interested in some girl and needed my advice," I said quickly.
"Ah man I'm sorry. I know it's rough. I watched my brother go through it. I'm here to listen if you want me to," he said sympathetically
"Thanks, but really I'll be fine. It's not a big deal," I said.
"All matters of the heart are a big deal, James," He said seriously.
I didn't have a chance to respond because student started to file into the classroom, so I just turned forward and put my head in my hand and braced myself for a boring lecture. After class I walked downstairs to meet Mitch at our spot where we meet together and walk home. As I was walking down the stairs, I saw them. She was leaning against a wall, and he had his hand beside her shoulder on the wall leaning against it. She was laughing, and my heart was breaking. I just took a deep breath and turned around and started walking home alone.
I got home, and found a note from my parents, saying that they missed me this morning, and that they would see me for dinner later. I walked up to my room and sat my bookbag beside my desk and sat in my computer chair. I thought about seeing Mitch and her together. He looked happy. I should be happy for him. I was having an internal debate with myself about my actions when my phone in my pocket vibrated,
`What happened to afterschool? You bailed on me --Mitch'
I sighed, I couldn't really tell him why I left. So I made up a believable excuse,
`I saw that you were busy, I didn't know if you were putting your moves on her, so I left --James'
I hated how I had to pretend to be okay with this. I hated how I had to lie to my best friend. He was happy with her, so I needed to respect that. I needed to get my act together. I sent him another text,
"I know she can't resist you, she was eating it up, --James'
I had to at least try to be happy for him. I had to make an effort, he is my best friend and I shouldn't fuck that up. A few seconds later, my phone beeped,
`Damn right she couldn't ;) --Mitch'
Hey guys that's it for chapter 3, I hope you liked it. I made this chapter a little more dramatic than what actually happened. It did happen this way, but with less drama haha, it's just for a good story J