I hurriedly walked out of the building and through the rowsof cars in the senior parking lot to get to the stairs to get down to my SUV. Icouldn't be here anymore. How dare he stand there and ask anything of me aftereverything that he did to me. Even though I was in love with him, I was still abest friend first, and I was a damn good one, and he just forgot me as if Inever existed to him.
I could feel that awful lump forming in my throat that I hadgrown so accustomed to over the last two years and tears threatened to fallfrom my eyes. I quicken my pace to get to my car and wipe my eyes with the backof my hand, affirming my resolve to keep it together. I fumble with my keys andshakily try to insert the key into my door, but after the third attempt I throwmy keys on the ground and scream,
"FUCK."
I turn with my back to the door of my SUV and slide downinto a sitting position on the ground, trying to collect myself. I put myelbows on my knees and place my head in my hands. I feel the rage begin to turnto sadness, and the tears threaten to appear again. After everything, I stillmiss him. I hate myself for being so weak.
After a few minutes on the ground, feeling sorry for myself,I collect myself and pick up my keys and get in my SUV and head towards home.Being a small town, it only takes me several minutes to get home, and I arriveto an empty house, for which I am thankful. My mother is like a homing missilefor emotional discussions, and I just didn't have the energy.
I walk up the stairs to my room and drop my bag by my doorand head over to my computer and press the power button in the tower and beginpicking up laundry from my floor as it loads up. Once the boot-up process wascomplete, I click on AOL Instant Messenger bringing up the auto sign-in screen.My friends' list pops up on the side, only showing Juliette online. Admittedly,she was usually the only person ever online in my friends' list, as it was onlyshe and a few other people from the orchestra on it. Mitch used to have his owncategory, but I deleted him in an effort to stop triggering myself every time Isaw him online.
Thankfully, I am drug out of my Mitch spiral before it canbegin with a chime from my computer indicating a message from Juliette,
FairVerona: Hey! You did great today; I am sure only a fewpeople appreciate the difficulty of that song!
DoubleOhSeven: Haha, thank you. Glad someone besides Randyrunning around in that ridiculous bee costume enjoyed it.
FairVerona: Where did you run off to so fast after? I heardthe mayor and his wife were looking for you afterward O_O
DoubleOhSeven: Ah, oh well. Probably just some pleasantriesabout the performance and to get some media coverage so he can pretend to careabout the arts.
FairVerona: So cynical
DoubleOhSeven: So realistic.
FairVerona: Ok ok, probably true
FairVerona: Did Mitch catch up to you? He asked if I sawwhich way you went when the crowd of people stormed the auditorium floor.
I pause for a second, hands hovering over the keyboard. I amnot stupid. I know what she is trying to do. She has been trying to get Mitchand me to talk ever since the day in the cafeteria by casually bringing him upin conversation, and each time I shut her down.
DoubleOhSeven: I know what you're doing. I need you tounderstand that Mitchell didn't just break my heart that day, he blew upeverything between us. I told him that I love him, and he hit me. He could havejust said, "Thanks, but no." It would have still hurt, but I would have gottenover it, and we could have still been best friends, but he didn't. I disgustedhim so much that the best course of action for him was to hit me to get hispoint across. He let two years pass before he got the balls to acknowledge me.
FairVerona: Ok..but..you let two years pass as well.
DoubleOhSeven: Don't try to logic me.
FairVerona: I'm just saying..thou doth protest too much. Itseems like you want to be angry with him.
DoubleOhSeven: Just because your name is Juliette, does notmean you can quote Shakespeare at me.
FairVerona: :)
FairVerona: You know I love you, and I know deep under hismacho man feelings, Mitch still cares about you.
DoubleOhSeven: I doubt that, but thanks for the sentiment.
FairVerona: I swear to god, you two are so infuriating.
DoubleOhSeven: :)
FairVerona: alright, alright, I concede.
FairVerona: I hear Avril coming from the basement, so I amgoing to pester him now.
DoubleOhSeven: Later
MyFairVerona is offline
I mull over the conversation with Juliette and her words `Itseems like you want to be mad at him.' Of course I did, he broke my heart. Thethought of me being gay was repulsed him enough for him to decide he no longerwanted anything to do with me. Best friends didn't quit on you when things gothard or difficult. No. Juliette has always had a way of arguing the other sideto make someone see reason, but there is nothing she can say to change my resolution.I hadn't meant enough to him for him to give me the decency of a simplediscussion instead of resorting to violence, so he did not deserve my time.
I shut down my computer, steadfast in my decision to forgetMitchell Spake.
I hear the front door open and close, and the unmistakablesound of heels clacking on marble tile. I head down the stairs to greet my mom.Turning around the corner to the kitchen I see her placing her purse on thekitchen counter as she looks up to greetme,
"Hey Hun, how did the performance go?" She asks.
"Eh, it was fine. Rimsky-Korsakov is a little over theaverage high schoolers head." I say.
"There's my pretentious orchestra snob," she says, placingher hand over her heart in a mocking gesture. I laugh and pull out a stool andsit down as she begins pulling patient files out from her purse.
"Uh-oh, that looks like presentation material," I saygesturing toward the files.
"So astute. You get that from me," She says. I roll my eyes.
"I was invited to be a replacement speaker at a dermatologyconvention next weekend in Florida, so your father and I will be heading out nextFriday afternoon and should be back Monday," She says flipping open the folderand scanning over the contents.
"I will cry the whole time until you return," I saysarcastically.
"Sarcasm. You get that from your father." She says, pointinga finger at me while walking around the counter and kisses me on top of thehead.
"No parties!" She says hoppingaway trying to remove a heel as she hops.
The weekend is over too soon, and Monday comes, and I haveto face going to school and potentially running into Mitchell. I have beenarriving at school around 7:30 am for the last two years to avoid Mitch sincehe wasn't an early riser, and if I didn't get up soon, I was going to break myroutine.
I roll out of bed and get dressed and head downstairs tograb a quick breakfast and head over to the school. Dread rises up in me as Iopen the front door to the main lobby where students congregate before classesstart, but since I am early, there aren't many, and there is no sign of Mitch.I let out a deep breath and head to the orchestra room to practice before classstarts.
Sitting down at the piano, I pull out my audition piece forJuilliard, Stravinsky's Trois Mouvements de Petrouchka. I have been working onthis with my private instructor for months, but I am still having difficultywith the rapid jumps over two octaves. The piece was pushing me to my limits,and I was actually a bit worried I wouldn't be ready in time for my audition intwo months.
I sit the booklet with the sheet music for the piece on thepiano and open it up to begin working on one of my trouble areas. I close myeyes and start playing the section from memory. I play for a few minutes in theslow section with relative ease, but then the tempo picks up, and the octavejumps start. I nail the first and second jump, but miss the third and hit the Gsharp instead B flat, the dissonant sound assaulting my ears and I stop to getready to go back and do it again when a deep voice startles me,
"That sounded great."
Mitchell.
I pause before looking up and meeting his eyes. For a momentI see a familiar look that he would give me while watching me play, and forjust a moment my resolve softens, but I quickly shake it away and clear mythroat before speaking,
"What are you doing here?" I ask curtly.
He sighs before slowly walking into the room.
"I was hoping to talk." He says.
"We don't have anything to talk about," I say with a coldedge to my voice.
"James, will you just give me two minutes? Please." He askssoftly.
I look up and away from him, that damn lump forming in mythroat and my eyes stinging.
He walks up to the piano and around to get into my line ofsight, and he raises his hand, and I flinch. He stops suddenly understandingcrossing his face. He lowers his hand back down and continues talking.
"I was just reaching for your shoulder," He says softly
I stand up from the piano bench and put distance between us,the piano bench now separating us. I cross my arms and continue to stare at himto wait for him to say what he came here to say. After a moment he continues,
"Morgan and I broke up," he says.
I scoff, "Is that what you came here to tell me?"
"Yeah I guess, I just wanted to talk to someone about it,and you are the only person who came to mind, he says looking down.
I give a soft insincere laugh, "You don't get to do this,Mitch. You don't get to walk in here and demand that I talk to you or do anythingfor you. We aren't friends; you made that very clear." I say moving to pick mymusic up off the piano and begin to walk past him.
I feel a hand wrap around my arm as I walk past, I look downat where he has grabbed my arm and look back up at him with anger burning inme. As I am about jerk my arm away, I hear a voice cut across the room with afirm edge to it,
"Mr. Spake you would find it in your best interest to seeyourself out of this classroom immediately,"
Mrs. Freeman was standing at the entrance of the orchestraroom hands on her hips, looking at the scene in front of her.
Mitchell drops my arm and letsout a sigh and turns to leave. As he is walking away, I look up and mouth`thank you' to Mrs. Freeman as students begin to pour into the classroom, shewinks and turns to go back to her office.
After that incident, the week passes by relatively quicklyand without incident. Friday is here, and the whole school is dressed up inschool colors for the big game that evening. The football team is undefeated,and we are facing the toughest team in the division tonight. Two years ago,there was no place I would rather be than front row with Juliette cheeringMitch on, now the thought of football games brings a hollow feeling to mychest. Since I won't be attending the game, and my parents will be at theirconference, I will be at home watching Friends re-runs.
The day passes, and I am walking down the hall with my sheetmusic booklet open studying it as I walk to the library for my lunch period. Iam intensely studying one of the octave jumps in the sheet music when I bumpinto a solid form.
"Hey, Stranger,"
I look up to see the smiling form of Andrew.
"Hey, Andrew. Sorry I wasn't paying attention to where I waswalking," I apologize bending down to pick up the sheet music that fell from myhands during the collision.
"No worries man," He says, bending down to help pick up thepapers.
"You coming to the big game tonight?" He asks as he smilesexpectantly at me, his cute dimples on full display.
"Uh, you know I haven't been to a game in over two years,right?" I say hesitantly.
"So, come to this one! It's going to be a nail biter." Hesays, still smiling.
"Um, I'm not sure that's such a good idea," I say laughingnervously.
His smile falters a little, and he studies me for a minutebefore saying,
"You know you can't hide forever. At some point you're goingto have to start living your life," He says with a soft warmth to his voice. Iknow he means well, but he doesn't understand.
"Andrew, you know that I can't see him. I just want toforget him." I say.
"Well for someone who wants to forget someone, you stilllive your entire life around him," he says with a cold tone.
I look down at my feet, not knowing what to say.
He sighs, "Look, I'm sorry, I didn't mean for that to comeout so harsh. I just mean you are trying so hard to forget him, but your lifestill revolves around him every day. You hiding and avoiding everyone becauseyou don't want to run into Mitch means he still has power over you. You willnever forget him, he was a significant part of your life, but accepting whathappened between you two is when you will truly start to move on, and you willbe able to let go,"
I stare at him for a moment not knowing what to say beforehe continues,
"Besides, I would really like to see my friend in thebleachers tonight." He says, a smile returning to his face.
I smile back at him, "You're a charmer, you know that?" Isay laughing
He grins and folds his hands under his chin in an innocentgesture, and I laugh,
"Fine. I'll be there," I say letting out a long sigh
"YES!" He pumps his arm in the air, and I turn to continueto walk to the library
"But you better not lose," I throw over my shoulder as Ihead down the hallway.
The day finishes, and I head home to change into jeans and along sleeve shirt. October days in the south were warm, but nights tended toget a bit chilly. I head up to my room and open my dresser to pull out a pairof slim fit jeans and a long sleeve tee shirt without really looking. I slidethe jeans on and begin to unfold the shirt when the image on the shirt catchesmy attention. It's a plain white long sleeve tee with the number 14 screenprinted on the back, Mitch's jersey number. Mitch had this made for me our freshmanyear before the season started and he was selected as a first string as afreshman player on the JV team. He had since moved up to the varsity team andwas made captain the year after that, but retained his jersey number. I stareat the shirt, and give a half smile to the memory of when things were betterand folded the shirt and placed it back into the drawer and opting for a longsleeve black shirt instead.
I hang around the house a few minutes before walking over tothe school. As I walk, the air is cool, and the sky is dark. A storm wasforecasted for later this evening, but that doesn't stop small town Fridaynight football. I make my way to the stadium, and as I am entering, I catchJuliette's unmistakable form on sitting front row in the bleachers with hernose in a book. Only Juliette would bring `The Scarlett Letter' forentertainment at a football game.
I make my way down to where she is sitting and slide next toher. She looks up and then looks back at her book, and then quickly looks backup realizing who I was.
"You came!" She says excitedly.
"I did," I answer laughing
"What miracle happened to make this happen," She asks.
"I'm here to support Andrew. I haven't been a very goodfriend to him, or you, and its time I stop wallowing in my self-pity and livemy life," I say looking out at the field where the Bee Hive dancers werewarming up.
Juliette nudges my shoulder withher and smiles at me and just like that, it feels like old times.
Hey guys! Sorry for the long pause, life happens! I hope youenjoyed chapter 8. Let me know your thoughts at tylersaysgo@yahoo.com! I love hearingfrom you guys!