Thanks again to all the people who wrote me and delighted me with nice comments. I hope you all will enjoy this new part. Thanks for reading.
The Knife That Twists Within Part 18
by Stefan
"Wow!" Kay exclaimed and his cry echoed in the long, tall, almost empty church of St. Maria in Trastevere. Luckily there was no one there to disturb. His gaze drifted above to the wooden and gilt ceiling, examining the granite pillars which parted the church into three sections.
"Antique?" Nick asked and admired the Ionic and Corinthian capitals.
"Yes, from the Caracalla-thermal baths," answered Sebastian, "You know the first building is from the first century, about 212."
Kay turned all the way around, his eyes pausing on the soft golden glow of the apse-mosaics. Their footsteps echoed on the richly ornate marble floor. Sebastian motioned for both to join him at the choir barrier which separated the old Bishop's throne and the altar with the ziborium from the rest of the church.
"Look, here is the so-called 'fons olei' - in 38 BC a little foul- smelling spring of oil erupted."
"Olive oil or sunflower?" Kay grinned.
Nick slapped his arm. "Ignorant!"
"Of course it was petroleum," Sebastian said smiling. "But the Jewish people took it as the third sign that the Messiah would be arriving soon."
"Really? And what happened to the spring?"
"Dried up apparently."
"And what has petroleum to do with Jesus?"
"Kay, the world is full of mysterious signs. And to the Jews, Jesus is just one of the prophets which announced the coming of the Messiah."
Kay looked puzzled. "So Jesus isn't the Messiah?"
"Not for the Jews."
"Most odd."
Nick moved between the pillars, touching them with his fingertips. He had never visited such an old church before and he loved the bareness of the stones, the gloominess... the room was shrouded in silence so that he felt he could not raise his voice to more than a whisper. Always he had wished to see this with his own eyes, not just in pictures and paintings.
Sebastian watched him from the corner of his eye, noticing his intrigue and wonder. Marcus should be making this wish come true, he thought, not me. But Marcus, the old dickhead, was off chasing things that were not important when he had all that he should ever wish for: a young, trusting man who loved him, a lively spirit with a strong desire to learn and love. Sebastian was sure that Nick's trust was now destroyed and he wondered if Marcus would have what it took to build it up again, if it was even possible.
Sebastian certainly didn't care if Marcus was selling his body for a fucking screen, nor did he much care if Marcus ended up alone because of it - it was a cost Marcus was willing to pay. But it made his heart ache to look at Nicholas, so forlorn. Sebastian had no idea how to console him.
"This was the first church in Rome to be dedicated to the Virgin Mary," he told his students. "Legend says that the dedication came after a quarrel between the churchgoers and the owners of the taverns. The emperor intervened, eventually siding with the Christians. To him it was better to have a popular place filled with believers than with drunken people."
"But this," Kay pointed to the chapel next to the apse, "this doesn't fit in I don't think."
"Oh yes, it was made much later, in a style we call 'Manierismus' from the late 16th century. It deals with the Council of Trient." Sebastian was pleased that Kay seemed to be genuinely interested and had noticed the variation.
"And the marble floor?" Kay continued, "How was it done?"
"The floor?" Sebastian looked down at the big circles of a greenish marble, decorated with smaller white squares trailing around. "It was complicated of course. All the big circles you see where sliced from big pillars, mostly ancient pillars from the pagan temples."
Nicholas was astonished. "But how did they cut them into slices? Certainly not with a power saw."
"No." Sebastian laughed. "Probably with thin ropes. Actually no one has yet duplicated the operation. It was developed by a famous Greek family called the Cosmats."
Outside the church Kay studied the Roman facade, a narthex with a mosaic above and a tall, square belfry beyond that. Certainly he had never had an interest in anything like this before, but he was beginning to understand the love Sebastian felt for the old and ancient times.
They walked to a little tavern where Sebastian ordered rigatoni con paiata, fried flowers of zucchinis, an antipasto with salami, pickled beans, tomatoes and eggplant. Certainly he could get used to this, Kay thought and smiled at his lover. But Sebastian seemed to be consumed by a sudden brooding mood. He exchanged a glance with Nicholas and asked, "Something wrong? You don't like your salami? If not, can I have it?"
Sebastian seemed to wake up and grinned, "Greedy pig! Here you are. If I don't watch out, you will fill out like a yeast dumpling!"
"Would it be that bad?" Kay asked, eating noisily.
"Not as long as you can lift your legs for me." Sebastian threw a cautious look to Nicholas but saw him laughing. Kay blushed for a brief moment then he had to laugh too.
"When do you have to go?" Nicholas asked.
"Tomorrow afternoon. My first stop will be Simon's, then if you don't mind, I will go to Marcus' to see if he's there. Is it ok?"
"Sure. But if he's there, will you tell him where I am?"
"Not if you don't want me to."
The paiata arrived and Kay bend down to sniff it. "Smells great. What is it?"
"Veal with rigatoni. Try it."
Kay picked up the noodles with his fork and chewed. "Good." Sebastian smiled but didn't tell him that it was the intestines of a calf, just a favorite Roman dish.
"Could we visit St. Peter's?" Nicholas requested after his first try of the paiata.
"Of course, Nicki. You haven't truly been to Rome if you haven't visited St. Peter's."
Marcus stepped out of his car and looked around. He was in the center of Berlin, in a quarter of the city which had been renovated in the eighties, comprised of restaurants and shops for tourists set around the oldest church. He passed an old, barred spring in front of the church searching for Simon's house number and wondered how Simon was able to afford such a flat. Perhaps it wasn't too steep if it was only a one or two room flat. Finally he found the entrance, it's door open, and climbed the stairs to Simon's door. It didn't take Simon long to respond to the bell, but there was an immediate awkwardness between them. Without a word, Simon stepped back, allowing Marcus to step inside. Closing the door, Simon's voice was low. "I expected to never see you again." Marcus turned and looked at the young man. His face had become more grown-up, manly, and there was a serious look to his dark eyes. Where had the merry, dimpled and laughing boy gone, Marcus wondered. He stepped closer and ran his fingers over Simon's cheeks. "Nor I you", he whispered. "But you know, I'm now caught in a vortex I can't control. Do you know where Nick could be?" "Nick?" Simon shook his head. "I haven't seen him for a few days." Marcus followed him into the living room. As he'd expected, the room was untidy yet bearable. "Sorry for the mess, but you know..." Marcus smiled weakly. "Yes, I know. Nick told me all about you." "So what happened? Why are you looking for him? I thought he was your big love?" Marcus flinched. "I was in London, something happened and he's gone." Simon sat on couch, patting the space next to him. Marcus sat beside him. "Ben will come by after school, perhaps he knows more." "No, I've asked him already." Marcus sighed heavy. "I don't know what to do now." He looked at Simon. "How are you?" "Pretty well, thanks. Although I believe the flu caught me." "The flu?" Marcus was immediately alarmed, hoping it didn't mark the outbreak of the disease. "Now what about Ben? Does he ... I mean do you..." Simon laughed, the familiar dimples appearing deep in his cheeks. "You mean have I fallen in love with him? Don't know. I don't think I could fall in love with another man." A strange look crossed Marcus' face. "After all that happened between us and ... this disease. I can't. I've tried to avoid Ben, but he is persistent." Tiny beads of sweat appeared on his forehead. "And what have you been doing all this time? Nick said you were dealing? Don't you think that's a dangerous job? What is it? Cocaine, heroin?" "Not heroin. Calm down, Marcus. You don't have to read me a treatise on the subject. If they don't get it from me, the kids will get it someplace else." Marcus sighed. "That's supposed to make it alright? Nevertheless, I'm happy to find you here and not in a gutter as I always feared." "Right, thanks." Simon answered sarcastically and got up to answer the doorbell. Stepping into the flat, Ben noticed the sweat on Simon's forehead and wiped it away with his handkerchief. "Feeling bad, honey?" "No, yes.... stop treating me like a child, Ben!" Simon laughed. "It's ok. Look, who's there." Ben beamed, "Hi, Mr. ... Marcus. I hoped to find you here." "Why? Have you word about Nick?" he asked, excited. "No. I hoped you would speak to Simon, that's what I meant." He frowned. "Still nothing from Nick? That's odd. What could have happened?" Simon disappeared in the kitchen where he pulled out sliced bread, butter and cold cuts. "How about tea?" "I'll help." Ben followed him. Marcus was standing in front of the bookshelves when they returned with the food. "You're reading all of a sudden?" he asked Simon. "Yes. I'm not illiterate, you know." "Of course not. But I never once saw you with a book in front of your nose." "Ben supplies me with this stuff. And I must admit I enjoy it!" He smiled at Ben, itching in his nose until he sneezed. "Oh dear!" Ben exclaimed. "I should go and buy something for this." Simon rolled his eyes at Marcus. "You're such a queen! Pampering me like a baby." Marcus smiled. He was afraid that Simon would find need of Ben's solicitude all too sound and it made him happy that Ben was there for him. "So what are your problems with Nick? He seems a very likable guy. What did you do to him?" Marcus nibbled at his sandwich. He wasn't sure if he should confess his shitty behaviour in front of Ben. "I'm sure I messed up our relationship." "Really? But Nick was so happy..." Ben swallowed the rest. Simon, in the meantime, had tilted his head to listen carefully. Certainly he had a good idea about how Marcus might have messed things up. "Don't say you left him alone while you were chasing a useless art object," he said dryly. "He too got bored, eh?" Marcus shot Simon a wary look, not entirely devoid of his own accusation. "Afraid you're right." He took a deep breath. "Do you remember the Burne-Jones screen?" Simon nodded. "I was in New York but wasn't able to get it. Then Carlisle, the man who offered the screen, came to London and I went there to try again. I learned a man named George bought it. He then offered it to me if I would stay with him for a week." "And of course, you did." Ben wondered how Simon could take it so calmly. "You did?" he asked loudly. Marcus dropped his head, staring at his shoes. "I don't know what came over me." Simon laughed unhappily. "I know what came over you. You fucked the man to get it, right? Nick found out, right?" "Apparently yes." Still Marcus hadn't lifted his gaze from his shoes. It was an awkward feeling to get dressed-down by the younger men but he felt he deserved it. "At least you look as if you regret it." "I didn't fuck him, Simon. I only spent two nights with him and nothing ... I mean almost nothing happened. He was strange..." "Don't dither, Marcus! Nick wouldn't believe you anyway. Neither would I." "Ah shit! And what I'm suppose to do now? Shall I beg him on my knees to come back?" "That's a possibility. But first you have to find him." "Sebastian," Ben threw in. "Did you try to call Sebastian? Nick told me he's your best friend and now in Rome with your brother," he looked at Simon. Marcus was confused. "What should Sebastian know?" "But he could have phoned him!" "Why should he? I think he would rather have talked to you, Ben, or to Matthias." Ben admitted that it sounded reasonable. "But try calling Sebastian, Marcus. You must try every possibility." Simon sneezed again and Ben rummaged for a handkerchief. "I'm going to the chemist's. Be back in a minute." Simon grinned at Marcus. "He's cute, isn't he?" Against his will Marcus responded to the grin. "Don't push him away, he seems to love you. Although I don't know why." He caught the cushion Simon threw after him and laughed. Just for one moment ------------------- Later that night all the sights had merged together in Nicholas' head: The wooden colonnade of St. Peter's, the funnily dressed Swiss guard and the diagonal sunbeam coming from a window in the cupola that parted the church just in front of the big canopy. He remembered Michelangelo's 'Pieta' in the right chapel, protected from besieging by tourists by bulletproof glass. Nicholas strongly regretted the manner in which it was displayed, feeling locked out, far apart from the smooth white marble... He would have loved to have moved his fingers over it, to touch what Michelangelo had touched. Sensing his disappointment, Sebastian had furtively stroked his hair. "Some time ago there was an attack at the sculpture. Mary's hand and eye were almost destroyed and since then it has been behind this glass." Standing beside him, Kay had gazed admiringly over Jesus' almost naked body and murmured "It's clear, Michelangelo had to be gay, don't you think? He's so beautiful." "Remember that he was only twenty-three as he made this," Sebastian told them before dragging them both through the tall building to the heavy bronze canopy and the stairway which lead down to the grave of Peter. Many tourists had their elbows propped up on the railing, staring down between the gild candelabras on the balustrade. Kay watched an Italian-looking woman fling herself toward the grave, fall to her knees and make the sign of the cross, praying with ardour. Averting his eyes from the display, Kay looked up to the bronze tassels hanging down with little bees creeping around of them. He tugged at Sebastian's sleeve and pointed. "The bees? It's the coat of arms of Pope Urban VIII Barberini." Now lying in bed, Nicholas smiled at the memory. Remembering how he'd stood in front of the grave where a huge skeleton stretched his hand out and shook an hourglass. A long queue waited for a touch of Peter's foot which was by now well polished. He wished they'd had time to visit the newly restored Sistine Chapel but Sebastian had said that they would have to come much earlier next time. Nicholas snuggled deep into his covers and tried to imagine Marcus' face. How he would have loved to see all of it with him ... to have had Marcus be his guide. How would he manage staying here alone with Sebastian once Kay had gone? It gave him a bad feeling. No, bad wasn't the right word. Concerned perhaps. Uneasy. But why? He pushed those thoughts aside and tried to think about Marcus, his body pressed against him, his arms round his back, head close to his own and the silent breath at his shoulder... nobody could compare. Nobody... The three of them spent the next morning at the Pantheon and its surroundings, where Sebastian had shown them the grave of Raphael. Afterward, they'd taken Kay home to pack his bag for home. Again Sebastian noticed Nicholas' forlornness as he stood in at airport waving goodbye to Kay. He clasped Nicholas' shoulder briefly and led him to the car. Good-humouredly he asked, "Now, Nicki. Tell me what you would like to do." "What I would like to do?" Suddenly Nicholas' eyes were brimming with tears. Go back home to Marcus' sheltering embrace! It screamed within him but he wasn't able to speak a word. Nevertheless, Sebastian saw and wiped away a tear from his cheek. "So sad about Kay's departure?" he asked, trying to make a joke. Nicholas swallowed his tears and sat upright. He fastened his belt and said, "What would you suggest? You are at home here." "Nicki," Sebastian said softly, "Anything you want. With Marcus still missing, it's yours to decide." He started the car. "Shall I list what you haven't seen yet? Perhaps the Holy Staircase? Or how about the bleeding picture of the Madonna? The grill of Holy Laurentius? The altar of the Tiburtin Sibyl? Bernini's wonderful sculptures? Or perhaps a museum with paintings?" Nicholas sniffed and began to laugh. "I don't know! You tell me." Sebastian watched the landscape of the Roman Campagna, a peaceful piece of earth sprinkled with tall cypresses, box trees and laurel. He tried to think clearly. Perhaps he needed more rest and it would be a wiser delay the trips from one museum to another. "What about a holiday by the sea?" he suggested. "I mean Rome will be there when we return, but you could relax and I won't disturb you as you think." "By the sea?" Nicholas repeated. "Where?" "Oh I now a very nice little village with a long beach, set below some hills - there are even some castles around." He looked at Nick. "What do you think? Of course it's up to you." Nicholas avoided Sebastian's gaze. He wasn't sure if it would be a good idea to be so alone with him. But the thought of a long, deserted beach tempted him and so he threw all this inhibitions overboard. "Yes, I like the idea. When can we go?" "Right now, if you want. It's only two hours away from here." It was early evening when they arrived in the little sea town of San Felice Circeo, near the Gulf of Naples. Sebastian and Nicholas hadn't spoken much during the drive. The silence was a comfortable one, Nicholas clearly lost in the sites or his thoughts of Marcus. Sebastian pulled up in front of a hotel sitting directly on the beach and a warm breeze welcomed them to 'Albergo Neanderthal'. Nicki wondered about the strange name. Sebastian had left him for only a moment, "All right, Nicki, we have two rooms." Pulling out the suitcases, he followed Sebastian through the hotel lobby. Sebastian exchanged a few words with an older women sitting at the reception desk until a young man appeared who carried the luggage to their rooms. "The weather has been nice the last few days, Carlotta says. Plenty of sunshine." "You know the woman? You have been here before, yes?" Sebastian nodded and thought briefly at Andrea. But everything was different now. This time he wasn't fleeing the hot Roman summer. "We're the only guests here, so I think Carlotta will spoil us with her cooking skills! Hurry up, Nicki, I'm hungry." It was much later when they took a short walk along the beach and Sebastian pointed to a cave just beside the hotel. "Look, here is where they found the skeleton of a Neanderthal man - 60,000 years old." "Hence the name of the hotel, right?" "Right." Sebastian slid his hands into the pockets of his leather jacket. "Tomorrow we can visit the town if you like, it's a very old, called Circeii. It was a Roman colony, established three hundred years before Christ. After that it was in the possession of the Order of the Templar. The location was strategically important for their crusades." "Certainly you know a lot, Bastian. Does Marcus know as much as you?" "I'm sure he does. And if not, you can read it in any travel guide." Nicholas looked out to the sea, beyond the gentle waves breaking against the shore. The moon was only a very small sickle, the only thing he could see when he looked above was a sparkling ocean full of stars - a gigantic black table with a brilliant pattern. "Do you know any of the constellations?" he asked Sebastian. "Constellations? Afraid not." "I do, but I've never seen so many stars." Sebastian stopped walking, looking into the firmament. "There is the little bear, with the Pole Star." Nicholas said, "and there, the big W, you see it? It's Cassiopeia." Sebastian narrowed his eyes but couldn't see anything. Perhaps he needed glasses. "But the most impressive is Orion, the heavenly hunter. You see?" Sebastian smiled. "I'm sorry, I'm afraid my eyes are getting weak." "Oh, what a pity. So you wouldn't be able to sit with Kay in front of your house and count the stars." "You're much too romantic, my heart." Nicholas sighed. "Perhaps you're right. Let's go back." As Nicholas awoke early in the morning he had the feeling that he had closed his eyes for only five minutes. Nightmares of strange faces and places, vanishing as quickly as they'd materialized, had plagued his sleep. He knew it wasn't the foreign room and bed that had caused them, both were pleasant - it was loneliness. What on earth was he to do now, he wondered. His longing for Marcus grew with every second, but if he thought about him and the foreigner together in London he felt sick. He tried to console himself that the screen was the only reason Marcus had shared his bed with another man. Yet allowing for that made it hard to convince himself that Marcus had ever truly loved him. His task now was to think about starting a new life. A life without Marcus and all the things he'd gotten used to. He saw himself behind a counter at the shopping center, selling boring things, his place at the academy filled by someone else. Certainly, he could still paint, but without Marcus' support or protection, continuing his education was out. A dry sob escaped his throat, he grabbed the pillow and pressed it to his chest. In a little while the pain subsided enough that he could leave the bed. Going to the window, he pushed the curtains aside to behold a marvelous view of a calm sea which looked like polished silver, a mirror. A faint haze prevented him from discerning the line between sky and water. Seagulls argued loudly about a fish. He breathed in deeply the fresh, salty air. No use brooding, he said to himself. Maybe Kay would be able to find out more once Marcus returned. "Now, honey, how did you sleep?" Sebastian asked as Nick joined him at the breakfast table. Seeming in good humor, he was wearing a green woolen pullover which perfectly matched his eyes. "Actually ... good." Nicholas lied, not wanting to spoil Sebastian's mood. "Fine. Let's have a cup of coffee and then visit the town, ok?" "Anything you want." Something hit him. "Kay can't reach us, Bastian, he won't know that we are here!" he exclaimed. "True, I called him last night but didn't tell where we were. No need to make him jealous." He gazed deeply into Nicholas sleepy eyes. "There isn't a need for him to be jealous, is there?" Nicholas bit into his cornetto, avoiding the answer. Both men enjoyed the little town with its dark brown and red stone buildings. They visited the Casa dei Cavalieri, a house that had once belonged to the Knights Templar. Sebastian called Nick's attention to the ruins of the ancient city below, and in the afternoon they visited the old castle high above the town. "Fourth century before Christ," Sebastian remarked, "can you believe how old this is? Sometimes I wish all the walls and stones and trees could speak. What would they tell us, Nicki?" "Certainly about war and plagues and death. The history is full of wars. Do you think there could be another future? Without war?" "I don't know. We're enjoying the longest period of peace in Europe since the calendar began. This should be a sign of hope." Nicholas shook his head. "Don't know. When we don't make war with other countries we make war on ourselves, on a small scale you know. Hurting other people with words ... or actions." "Hey," Sebastian stopped and took Nicholas chin. Nick was almost of equal height. "That's human nature. Every progress is a step back, every invention is good and bad at the same time. Humankind is curious, we don't need a language to communicate these things. What do you think would have happened if one of the first anthropoids had decided to live in a tree forever? If he had never tried to walk on two feet? Never formed a stone into a weapon to cut meat?" "Guess we'd still be living in trees." Nicholas grinned. "I know what you mean." He took hold of one of the silver-green leaves of a crippled olive-tree. "But this tree could live without us. He doesn't need us, we need him." "That's fairly true, Nicki." "Like I need Marcus, but he doesn't need me." Sebastian looked dismayed. "That's what you want to tell me, yes?" His fingers stroked Nicholas' cheek until the boy buried his face in the palm of his hand. "Marcus is an idiot. I can't figure out why he did it." "You also believe that it must be true?" Nicholas asked, raising his face to meet Sebastian's. Sebastian bit his lip and looked into Nicholas waiting eyes. "What shall I say? If I say no you wouldn't believe me. I can't comfort you, honey." The sun, beginning to set over the water, bathed the landscape in a sharp, bright light. Sebastian reached for Nicholas' hand and turned with him to the Tyrrhenian Sea. He pointed to the left and said, "Over there is Naples and the Vesuvius. Want to make a trip there? Tomorrow?" Nicholas nodded. He felt Sebastian large hand, his soft, long fingers twined around his own and he felt warmth streaming from them up to his heart. Yes, he wanted to go there with him. Sebastian was now his only stability. Silently they watched how the sun kissed the water, surrounded by pink billowed clouds, making a golden trail on the water. It seemed that one had only to stretch out his leg and he could enter the passage to arrive at a better land behind the sun, sorrows left behind. The sky was now light green and changing slowly to Prussian blue while the last of the sun laid her head to rest into the water. Still Sebastian held Nicholas hand as he said, "Come, soon it will be pitch dark." Hand in hand, they traveled went down the hill, passing the town with its illuminated market place and little bars, not pausing until they reached the beach. They passed the hotel but neither moved to enter. They simply walked along, silently, until one star after another appeared at the dark blue firmament. "If it turns out to be true, would you forgive him?" Nicholas knew what Sebastian meant. "I don't know. I've been asking myself that constantly but I can't decide. It's too difficult." He squeezed Sebastian's hand. "I mean, if I were to see Marcus again, if he was standing right here in front of me now ... I think I could forget. The only thing is for him to love me." He dropped Sebastian's hand. "But I'm afraid that wish is in vain. He's one of those people who can't love ... or can't show it ... or have no longing for it." Hastily Nicholas wiped a tear from the corner of his eye. A light wind was blowing, a wind which came from the land, carrying the first whiff of Spring and with it, a different scent, like blooming rosemary and orange blossoms. Sebastian noticed it and he breathed deeply. "Can you smell it? It's a wind coming from the south. It must be spring in Naples already." He ceased his slow walk, coming to stand before Nicholas. Again he lifted the boy's chin and wiped, with both thumbs, the tears streaking his face. "Don't cry, honey. It's such a beautiful night," he whispered and narrowed his lips to Nicholas' mouth. Without thinking he met Nicholas' cool lips, and sensing no resistance, pulled his body close. He felt Nick shudder and held him even tighter. Nick was kissing him back, opening his mouth, emitting a strange little sound and Sebastian knew there wouldn't be turning back now. Kay was forgotten, pushed out of his mind as all his suppressed feelings for Nicholas broke free. Still kissing, he dragged the boy with him to the shore, before pulling off his jacket and throwing it on the fine sand. He kneeled, again pulling Nicholas after him. Looking into the Nicholas' face Sebastian saw a small smile on his full lips, and in reply, found his hands traveling down, undoing the boy's belt, pulling the shirt from his trousers. In the next moments he shed his own clothing, tugging at his pullover and struggling with the zipper on his jeans. Realizing his desire, long pent up, deterred by his relationship with Kay, Sebastian recognized the power of the moment, felt as the walls of Jericho as they came tumbling down. No return and no thought for Kay or Marcus - the only reality was the feel of Nicholas naked, warm skin, rubbing gently against his chest and the fine fuzz of hair. The wind blew gently over their naked bodies, but it was no longer cold, not just from the boulders above them, hiding their lovemaking from prying eyes, but from the heat of their passion. Sebastian moved Nicholas onto his back and began a trail of loving kisses from lips to belly, just as he had done that night Kay had interrupted them at Marcus', ringing the bell at front door after the attack. Sebastian snaked his tongue in and around Nicholas' belly button, kissing the junction of abdomen and legs which he had spread wide. Again he heard that funny little sound escape Nick's throat. He showered Nicholas' cock with kisses, tonguing the head, leaving a trail of saliva on it until he reached the place behind his balls, where he buried his face, searching out the dark hole, almost invisible, trusting his fingers, his senses, his heart, before finding the sweet smell which was Nicholas' very own. As his tongue meandered around it's rim, Nicholas let go a cry of pleasure, of stifled, wounded desire ... a need to be filled deep within. For Nicholas there was a sudden inability to recognize or decipher the two men - Sebastian from Marcus. Who's tongue brought him pleasure? Did it matter? This one was gentle, plunging him from one pleasure to another until the boy could bear it no more. He tugged at Sebastian's hair, pulling his head up, seeking the older man's lips, kissing him feverishly, tasting both his precum and the musky taste behind it, all the while staring deep into his eyes. As Sebastian's fingers slipped into his hole - very warm and wet fingers - Nicholas heard himself purr like a kitten working toward contentment. No, at night there was no difference between the men, but when the sun rose again that would change. For now, Nicholas wanted the warm, caring hands, a fast heartbeat next to his, a tongue pushing against his tongue, and a cock inside, caressing his soul from within. Nicholas arched his back as Sebastian's fingers found his prostate, lifting his legs even further. Sebastian understood the silent sign, positioned himself and slipped inside with almost no obstacle, slowly, carefully, until he was seeded fully. Had he ever felt such comfort, Sebastian wondered. Had there ever been such a tight room for him, so hot and demanding that he almost lost consciousness? He couldn't answer for sure, his mind was awash in sensation, like the gentle waves licking at the sandy shore, drowning out their breathing, their gasps and cries and all too soon Sebastian emptied himself deep into Nicholas', wishing it hadn't ended so soon. But what was time? How long their lovemaking had lasted he couldn't say for sure. He lay down on Nicholas' heaving body, feeling the warm, sticky semen on his belly while murmuring unintelligible words into Nick's ear. Nick stroked the sweaty hair from his forehead, caressed his shoulders and down his back. He arched his hips, anxious to prevent Sebastian's cock from slipping out. Yes, he could smell it, the wind carried the scent of orange blossoms from the south, a very Italian scent... "Nicki." Sebastian's voice was husky. "Unbelievable," he continued. "Are you ok?' Nicholas' soft laughter surprised Sebastian. "Of course I'm ok. You are a gentle tiger, you know." Sebastian raised his head. "A gentle tiger?" he asked, grinning. "That was the shortest I ever did, angel. I wanted you so badly. Too badly." Sebastian dropped his head, softly kissing Nicholas's lips. Sadly Nicki felt Sebastian's penis slip out of him and he was again lonely. Not empty, so long Sebastian was with him, but lonely still. Carefully he sat upright pulling Sebastian's heavy body with him. Sebastian searched for a handkerchief in his pockets, found one and cleaned up Nick a bit. Then he sat at his heels and began to shiver. "Ready to go back?" he asked. "Yes. But don't leave me please." Sebastian smiled and took his hand. Tousled, they reached the hotel, snapped up their keys before Carlotta could make a strange comment and Nicholas followed Sebastian to his room where they took a long shower together. Nicholas couldn't believe it. He marveled over Sebastian's firm body, stroked the soft, light skin on his shoulders and along his arms, washed his limp penis and squeezed his balls until Sebastian was squeaking for mercy. Where was the guilt he should be feeling? "Feel guilty?" he asked Sebastian timidly. Sebastian gazed into the boy's violet-blue eyes, the most heavenly blue he ever had seen, and shook his head slowly. "What about Kay?" "I don't want to think about it, angel. Not until the morning." He stepped out of the shower, dried himself and waited for Nicholas, rubbing the young man dry when he emerged. When they were both dry, he led the way to bed, switching out the lights along the way. Then he sat on the bed, embracing Nicholas, burying his head in the flesh just above his pubic hair while kneading Nick's arse cheeks. "Do you think this bed is big enough for both of us?" Nicholas asked in a low voice. "Sure, I'll show you." Again his lips found Nicholas' penis, caressing it until it began to rise again. "This time I want to feel you inside me." he whispered. "So you will leave all the guilty feelings to the next morning, right?" Nicholas asked, already beginning to pant. "Stop talking, angel. I definitely will." Sebastian sank back into the covers, pulling Nicholas along with him. That's right, Nick thought, leave the guilt until the morning ... it will certainly come. But here and now... he moved over and kissed his way down Sebastian's abdomen, the soft, tiny hairs tickling his nose and cheeks. He kissed the erect penis, circled around the head and pressed his tongue in the very moist slit. And all that he felt was joy. Joy that he could delight Sebastian. A fresh, soft wind blew through the window they'd left ajar, still carrying the spicy scent of wild thyme and rosemary, mingled with the salty smell of water and seaweed. Nicholas was awake but hadn't yet opened his eyes. Though he had expected to be confused when he awoke - he was not. Instead, he felt deeply satisfied - and deeply guilty. This, of course was what he had expected. He was aware of Sebastian's warm closeness, the arm draped over his chest, gingers splayed across his upper arm. He breathed calmly, a cool breeze upon his shoulder. When Nicholas moved his right leg, he could feel Sebastian's semi-hard penis poking against his hip. His body jerked at the touch and Nicholas knew Sebastian was about to wake up. Sure enough his hand wandered aimlessly around Nicholas' body, along his hip, and leg, finding his limp penis then stroking it sleepily. Eyes still closed, Nicholas made no move to stop the caressing hand and fingers until it was too late. Against his will, arousal awoke and he couldn't stop it. In a lithe movement, Sebastian shifted his body and Nicholas felt a very warm, velvety mouth close around his cock, sucking lightly so that he couldn't hold back a little moan which seeped from his throat. Nicholas closed his eyes tightly because images of Marcus and Sebastian were merging together - Marcus with grey-green eyes and Sebastian with shiny dark hair - but both revealing the same smile, the same tender mouth. Their styles were certainly different, though both were highly pleasurable, seductive, ravishing, and irresistible. In no time, he poured himself into Sebastian's mouth, clamping his fingers into Sebastian's hair, and finally opening his eyes. He was met by Sebastian's smiling eyes and fully erect penis poking into his belly. Sebastian kissed Nicholas, giving him a taste of his own semen and Nick gave in a second time. But then the pain began and he pushed Sebastian aside. "We must stop this," he murmured. "First, a good morning, angel." "Morning. What's the time?" "'What the devil hast thou to do with the time of the day?'" Sebastian was grinning. "'We are without time', Henry the Fourth." Nicholas looked confused, "Ah stop joking. I mean it, seriously. We must stop this." Sebastian fell back into the pillows. "So you don't want to help me out with my morning desire, do you?" "No." Nicholas bent over Sebastian and stroked away a sandy strand of hair. The little silver coin from the chain around his neck touched Sebastian's lips. "What is this? I meant to ask you yesterday." "My good luck charm." Nicholas replied, enclosing the medal with his fingers. "Marcus gave it to me after he came back from America." Sebastian seriously considered it. "So ... a good luck charm. Well it didn't protect you from me..." For the first time in hours Sebastian thought of Kay and then of Nick's words - that the guilty feelings would come today. Kay didn't deserve this treat. Sebastian shook his head. "What are you thinking about?" he heard Nick's voice. "Kay." His voice was suddenly very tired. "What do we do now? Do we have to tell? Will he understand? Will Marcus understand?" "Ah, Marcus! He's the last person who should complain!' Nicholas exclaimed but Sebastian sat up quickly and said sharply, "You don't know for sure what happened in London, darling. Don't be so quick with words. Don't judge him before you hear his version of the story. After all, we might find ourselves in a similar spot." Nicholas didn't say anything and eventually Sebastian pulled him into his arms. "Don't you agree with me?" he asked softly. "Can we go home today?" was Nick's sole answer and Sebastian sighed. "If you like, we can wait for Kay's call together, yes?" Nicholas nodded. He crept over Sebastian's body, out of the bed, and without a look vanished into the bathroom. Closing the door behind him was a signal to Sebastian, they would not share a shower today. Was it worth it? The thought of Kay almost choked Sebastian's throat. His body screamed a yes but his mind was definitely angry. Yet, he felt that it had had to happen. When the old magic works between two people, the energy must be expelled. In a sense each night had led to last night, enchanted couplings on the beach and here in this bed. It was over now, the spell broken, but not the attraction ... not the loving care ... Sebastian climbed out of bed and went to the open window. A chilling wind came in and he breathed deeply. Still it smelled of wild thyme and he remembered his promised trip to Naples. What rubbish! He ran his fingers through his hair. Kay was waiting, Kay was packing his clothes to come back to him, Kay would be pleased to go with him wherever he wanted to go... he felt two arms embrace him from behind and a soft cheek press against his. "Are you mad at me?" Nicholas whispered. "No," he said without turning. He stroked Nick's long fingers. "You have beautiful hands, did I ever tell you?" he whispered back. "Will you tell Kay about it?" "Will you tell Marcus about it?" "Perhaps." Sebastian turned and embraced Nicholas again. "We will do the right thing when it's the right time, angel. Have a little faith. You regret last night?" He felt Nicholas shaking his head. "No. I don't regret it. It was wonderful. But it has to be a single night. We mustn't do this again." Nicholas thought he sensed a little disappointment from deep within Sebastian. Certainly he had enjoyed the night with Sebastian ... the attraction was too big not to give in, and it was still there, but he couldn't do it again, couldn't hurt Marcus and Kay. Gently he moved away from Sebastian and said, "Come, let us drive home." Sebastian's look was sad, but he acquiesced. To be continued