Preface:
This story is written for all Sirs who have genuinely loved their boy and for all boys who have absolutely loved their Sir. If you are looking for an honest story of the insight, trust, and devotion that only a Dom and a boy may share, please continue. People first; sex and pain, second.
All individuals are over the age of 18.
This story is a work of fiction, modeled from reality. What is fiction in this story is changed to protect these sacred moments from the world. Please, friends, share your thoughts with me, desertdoms@protonmail.com.
The Liberators: Chapter 1 - And now, I am Alone
"Love ya kiddo. See you soon." The last words Evan calls to Hira in a humid, dusty parking garage. At that moment, the heart of San Diego, California laid witness to the first time Evan cried over a boy. After calling out to Hira, and Hira smiling back, Evan looks away, throat closing, eyes burning, his heartbeat clanging in his ears. Evan sees Hira take a seat in his grandmother's tan minivan. Evan fought against his instinct to rush to Hira, to grab him and take him back home. He knows that Hira, a boy 13 years his junior, NEEDS to get in that van. Hira NEEDS to start his life apart from Yuma, Arizona. Hira was embarking on the greatest adventure of his young life - finally happy to be alive. Finally free from his greatest fears through Evan's help. Evan knew this. Evan was destroyed by it.
A three hour's drive of torment is awaiting the 35-year-old Dom. His mind awash in struggle, Evan thinks to himself, "Can I allow myself to trust what Hira said? That he wants nothing more than to be with us again. That he WILL be back? That WE complete him." The late August evening gives Evan a chance to run away from the sunset - racing East to his husband, to home. The car radio is playing Will Smith's "Summertime" on a loop. Its smooth repetition helps Evan reflect during the drive. Evan can only see Hira's face burned into his mind from the conversation just minutes before they parted ways.
Hira's sun blonde hair, parted to his left. The front coif falling over his forehead which Evan loved to brush with his hand. The innocent, but tortured, pale blue eyes of Hira peering into Evan. A fear of being alone expressed in them. A timid hope that only those who have suffered could express - or recognize. Hira's soft, pale skin and tapered face caressed by Evan's small, working-class hands. Evan feels guilty about the past 2 weeks of his life. He fears he failed Hira. That somehow, he should have given more to him, his beautiful boy. That he needs to protect him, to love him, to mold him. "Anyone hurts him, I'll kill them," thinks Evan.
Evan knows he is...different. That his empathy is his most potent asset and his most toxic. Many Doms relish in the abuse and pain of a boy. Yes, even Evan enjoyed those sadistic desires from time to time. Yes, Evan had used his powerful empathy to break boys before. Yet, to use a boy hard, to break them, to reach into their being requires deep empathy. Through that deep empathy a boy's screams were a symphony, whimpers a flirt of the soul, nuzzles, and kisses a bearing of their true selves. Pain is a tool to make sure that each session with a boy is special. That those moments are memorable for both. Each boy meant something special to Evan. But Hira...Hira is the boy that Evan needs. Evan's mind drifts to Hira's first moments of true submission.
Hira and Evan are in a full embrace. Hira and Evan hugged tight, painfully tight. Evan could feel Hira's staggered breathing, racing heart. Hira's heartbeat was pounding so forcefully that Evan was confused which heartbeat was his. He takes Hira closer, whispering into his ears firmly, gravely, tenderly "Give me your pain boy. Don't be afraid anymore. Let go of your fears. They are holding you back from being great. Breathe with me now, boy." Hira trembles, trusting Evan at his word, but afraid that Evan was just like the rest - an abuser.
"Deep breath in boy. You can do this, do it with me, be with me right here boy. 1...2...3...4...5...Hold...2...3...4...5...Out...2...3...4...5". Evan instructed; Hira timidly obeyed. "In and out boy, again, follow me. I'm right here with you." Hira and Evan breathe together again. "Good boy, again." said Evan. Hira melts into Evan's chest, goes limp in Evan's arms. "Again boy, I'm right here. Give all that pain to me. It belongs to me. Your fears, your insecurities, your suffering, your pain - ALL OF THAT IS MINE. You are mine." Evan whispers these commands into Hira's ear.
Hira repeated breathing with Evan, his sinewy body melting against Evan's short, stocky frame. Hira began to twitch, warm tears dripping upon Evan's shoulder. "Again boy, you are doing so good. Keep going. I'm here to protect to you. I'm here to love you. Just you and me here. The world is outside of this car. But inside this car is just us - you and me."
Hira collapses heavily into Evan. All 140 pounds of Hira was finally liberated of the pain he carries. Pain which bore into him for a decade. Coring out his soul, making him fearful of who he wanted to be. Hira's breathing slows, his tears - a babbling brook of trust and sadness - flow down Evan's check and onto his chest. Evan reaches his right hand to the back of Hira's head - to the soft, fine blonde hair now a humid mat - and caresses Hira. "Good boy, Hira. Let it all out. Don't hold it back anymore. You are my strong boy, let it out. You won't need to hold that suffering anymore. I'll take that. All that is my burden now." Says Evan.
The memory swells deep emotion within Evan. Evan's face burns, his arms and hands shaking as he grips the steering wheel. His eyes begin to water. The road disappears through Evan's tear-filled eyes. It has been an hour on the road. A rest stop exit approaches. Relieved that the highway rest stop is deserted as he parks, Evan's legs are weak as he exits the car. He draws a cigarette pack from his pocket - Parliament lights - and teases one stick from its brothers. He brings the white tube to his mouth and flicks his lighter. Brief joy as he remembers Hira lighting his cigarettes so gently and dutifully. Then the guilt begins.
Guilt which rushes through Evan on that first bittersweet drag. Evan knows his husband, Sam, is disappointed he started smoking again. Sam never holds Evan back from smoking. Sam never mentions it, nor chastises it. But Evan knows that Sam is afraid of what comes from smoking. The slow death of his husband never far from Sam's mind with each drag that Evan gives in to. "I quit before. I will do it again, I promise. I just need...some time, Sam." Evan thinks to himself.
Evan tries to calm himself by closing his watery eyes to capture a fleeting thought. Of seeing his boy, Hira, and his husband Sam, smiling together again. Laughing together as they play Magic the Gathering, with Evan at the kitchen table. Evan knows that this is the life he needs. To be beside his boy, and his husband. To know that if anything happens to himself, that his husband and his boy would have each other.
Evan and Sam have been together for 9 years. The past 8 years Sam and Evan have searched for a boy to fill their lives. A boy who is smart, funny, sophisticated, nerdy, and who loves both Evan and Sam. 8 years of talking with boys, subs, and slaves. 8 years of hard truths that those other boys were not the right fit for Sam or Evan. 8 years for those boys to find out that Sam and Evan were not the right fit for them. Then there was Hira. The boyfriend, and eventual husband, of Evan's coworker and friend. Evan knew who and what Hira is the moment Evan met Hira. Yet, Hira was taken. Taken into an abusive relationship that ground Hira into near nothingness. Evan had waited for 2 years to free the boy of their dreams. Listened to the boy discover how broken he was. Held him when he was weak. Cheered when he was happy... and now that boy was gone. Hira was gone.
Evan couldn't feel any less significant than right now. He had failed both his boy...and his husband. He wasn't smart enough to figure out a different way. He wasn't bold enough to suggest Hira stay. He wasn't quick enough to tell Hira what he meant to him. Evan could only think, "I have to be brave enough for him to come back."
Evan lights another cigarette. The chain smoking had begun again.
Evan's mind races through the all the hugs, the "I love yous", the laughs, the tears, the joys, and the sadness which Sam and he face in their lives. Evan knows Sam needs Hira too. Evan's silent weeping ends as he reflects on the past two weeks. He remembers Sam and Hira finally having the courage to talk about Hira wanting to be a boy for them. How Hira so timidly, yet excitedly, confessed to Sam his desire to serve, to want to live together forever. Hira expressing his gratitude for all Sam and Evan have done for him. Sam's last words to Hira as Hira touched the necklace on his own chest, "No matter what, we are friends. Don't you dare ghost us. We love you. Come back."
Evan smiles as he reflects on Hira taking his Sirs' ring. A stainless-steel ring with a chain-link band, a simple chain necklace strung through the ring.
"You don't have to take it if you don't want to, Hira. If you decide not to be our boy, we still want you in our lives the same way we have you now. The life you want, we offer. This is a symbol of commitment, between you and us. A symbol of protection, of love, of sacrifice, of devotion", says Evan.
Evan remembers Hira reflecting solemnly for a moment, his gaze fixed upon the ring. Hira smiles and says, "I want it."
Evan lights a final cigarette, smiling at the memory of his boy seeing the necklace around himself in the mirror.
Evan jumps back into the present as a semi-truck lets brakes to a halt near him. Evan thinks to himself "We trust our boy, and my boy trusts us. He took the ring. He promised we would be together again. I promised him we only want him as our boy."
Evan repeats this to himself. Convincing himself that it is okay to be vulnerable. That he did the right thing by Hira in encouraging him to go. Evan had never released a boy before. He had only saved them. The slave who was covered in bruises from Craigslist, the boy Evan freed from forced prostitution on Grindr, the sub with a black eye who meekly asked for a cigarette behind a gas station...all of them in a better place because of him. Those boys trusted the world and the world harmed them for it. They trusted Evan. Evan didn't harm them.
Evan takes a final drag of his cigarette. He looks toward the sunset, towards where his boy parted from him. He stands tall, breathes deep and says aloud, "Trust and love is all I can ask for. And now, I am alone with that trust and love. Thank you, Hira. I love you."