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If you are interested in a story about gay teenage males, then please take your time and enjoy. Feedback/comments/suggestions and even complaints are welcome at DomLuka@aol.com
Chapter two: change of heart
I had been to the principal's office before. Just not at this school. It's not like I had always been completely innocent. I definitely wasn't innocent this time. Dennis and his friends had walked past the bench I was sitting on, outside of the office and I got to look at the damage.
They were definitely worse off than we were. We, meaning Shane, Adam and myself. I was surprised the two of them joined the fight. Adam was a small guy but got out with a bloody nose, while Shane looked okay except he had a rip in his shirt and he was a little dirty. The other side was definitely messed up worse than we were, especially Dennis, who gave me a look that promised retribution before he was forced to keep moving by one of the school security guards.
I was suddenly scared. But not because of Dennis. He could do whatever he wanted to me and it wouldn't matter. I just wasn't intimidated by him, simple as that. I was afraid because of what I had done. I wasn't with my parents anymore. I was my brothers' problem, and the thought of being shipped back to my father scared the hell out of me. I was beginning to feel like I had really fucked up when the door to the main office opened and Aiden Knightly appeared with his broken camera. I had almost forgotten about him. Almost.
He didn't even look at us, he just sat down on the bench opposite of Shane, Adam, and myself and stared at his broken equipment as the older man behind him with gray hair and glasses gave us a measuring look before disappearing into his office.
That was principle Johnson, and I didn't much care for him, not even when my brothers brought me to sign up for school. He didn't really take much interest in me after I said that I wouldn't be going out for any sports. I guess he was interested in me now. But not for very flattering reasons.
It was Adam who suddenly broke the silence.
"Okay," he sighed, leaning back and removing the toilet paper from his nose. "I've gotta know, Aiden, what the hell was that all about? I mean, I'm guessing that Dennis broke your camera, right? He did it on purpose?"
Aiden looked like he wanted to say, `Duh' but instead he said, "Don't worry about it, Adam," sounding tired, and without looking up. "You should only be worried about yourself. You're mom's gonna kill you."
"Shit." Shane muttered, "I forgot about my parents. Hopefully mom will come. If dad has to leave work for this I am so grounded."
"I think we all are." Adam remarked. "But fuck, that was fun." Shane obviously agreed and gave his friend a high five.
Fun wasn't the word I would use to explain it.
"Did you see Dennis's face when Owen jumped in there?" Shane laughed, "He was all like, `Where the fuck did this guy come from.' oh man, that was awesome."
"No, Owen was awesome." Adam insisted, "I mean, he took out like three of those guys all on his own, and the way he laid out Dennis like that, oh man!"
I wondered if this meant I had a mini fan club. I hoped not. I wasn't exactly taking any of this as flattery.
"And no one asked him to jump in like that." Aiden said sharply to the two other boys. That made me look up, and I found Aiden was glaring at me somewhat angrily. I got defensive. What the hell was he pissed at me for?
"I don't recall asking for an invitation." I retorted, "So get off your fucking horse. I know I don't know you, and I didn't do it for you, or your little camera there."
I think my sudden outburst shocked a few people, because everyone shut up, and Aiden just stared at me until I averted my eyes again. My revelation was followed by another long, awkward silence, and once again, it was Adam who broke it.
"So why did you jump in there like that, Owen?" he asked a little timidly. " I mean, I guess since you don't know Aiden I really don't get it. Dennis has always left you alone, and it's like, all of a sudden you were just really pissed at him."
I didn't have an answer, so I just shrugged, and then before Adam could ask any more questions we were interrupted.
"Shit, my mom's here." Shane announced.
I turned and looked at the little red headed woman coming our way. She seemed huffy and a little pink in the face as she passed, giving us all measuring looks before she glared at her son and then disappeared into the office without knocking.
"She looked pissed enough." Adam remarked.
That statement was confirmed a moment later when the door swung open and the little red headed woman glared out and bellowed.
"Shane Rupert Conners!"
"Rupert?" we all chorused to a blushing Shane. I don't think we meant it that way; it was just instinctive to repeat a funny sounding middle name. Mine is Mathew, so I never had that problem.
Shane rolled his eyes at us and went to face the wrath of his mother. A moment later, Adam's mother showed up, but her reaction was a little different. She saw blood on her son and went into full `mommy mode' checking him over as he insisted he was fine, he was also blushing furiously. And then, to my surprise, she looked over Aiden too. I guess that was because he was friends with Adam 's sister. He quietly assured her that he wasn't hurt, and then Adam and his mother disappeared into the office together, leaving me alone with Aiden. The silence seemed somewhat deafening again for another ten minutes, and then upon hearing the footsteps coming towards us we both looked up at the same time to see my brother.
Then I got another surprise.
"Chris." I said, at the same time Aiden said, "Tony?"
Aiden and I looked at each other briefly and then turned back to Chris, I was right, of course. It was Chris, not Tony. Chris smiled and shook his head, looking from one of us to the other, and then settled on shaking Aiden's hand.
"Have you called your mom yet?" Chris asked him.
Aiden dejectedly shook his head `yes.' But then he answered, "I couldn't get her, so I called Tony and left a message."
So Aiden knew my brothers. Both of them. Interesting.
Chris smiled knowingly. I had no idea what this exchange was about and no one was going to fill me in at the moment.
"Sit tight man, we'll take care of you." Chris said to Aiden. And then my brother turned to me and held out his hand, "You okay?" I nodded and was pleasantly surprised when he pulled me up and hugged me. I think I really needed that, and it seemed my exchange with Chris seemed just as confusing to Aiden as his had been for me.
When my brother was done hugging me he stepped back and looked between the two of us again.
"Fighting, huh?" Chris asked.
We both nodded, and then Chris suddenly looked concerned as he lifted my chin and studied the two black eyes that I was sure I had, and then glanced back at Aiden's swollen lip as if he were just seeing our battle scars for the first time.
"Please tell me you weren't fighting each other." Chris frowned.
We both quickly shook our heads. I didn't know how Aiden knew my brother, and at the moment I didn't care. I forgot he was there and decided that I needed to say something to Chris.
"Look Chris, I'm really sorry, I don't know..."
Chris placed his hand on my shoulder to silence me.
"Look Owe, don't worry about it. I'm not dad, okay?" I just looked down so he asked, "Okay?" again and I nodded. He pulled me into another hug. "It's gonna be fine. We'll figure it out. Now come on, let's get in there." Chris glanced back at Aiden and snapped his fingers, "You too, let's get in there."
So together we went into the office where Shane, Adam, their mothers and our good old principal were waiting less than patiently. Johnson frowned at us and pointed at Aiden.
"Mr. Knightly, you can wait outside until your mother gets here."
Chris placed a reassuring hand on Aiden's shoulder and threw the principal a challenging look.
"I'm here for both of these boys." Chris stated matter of factly, "Aiden's mom can't be here and I'm on his emergency list. You know that Owen's my brother so lets avoid further argument and get down to business, what is it you think they did?"
Oh boy, I thought. I loved Chris, I really did, but Tony was much better at handling things like this. Chris was using a tone on the principle that was less than cooperative and he hadn't even heard the story yet. I guess you could say that Chris was never any good with authority figures. But, I had to admit that his faith in me was touching, if he was already trying to defend us.
"What they did, Mr. Dovan," Johnson snidely replied, "Is start a brawl on school grounds."
"They didn't start it." Chris retorted.
I looked at my brother, hoping that he wasn't going to end up with his foot in his mouth when he heard the whole story. Although, that was true, we didn't start it. At least, I don't think we did.
"And how would you know that?" Johnson demanded, "Because these little delinquents told you so?"
"I don't think that's called for, Mr. Johnson." This was Adam's mom.
"It is called for!" Johnson shot back, "You're all lucky I'm giving you one week suspension instead of involving the police!"
"Suspension?" Shane's mom sounded very disgruntled at this concept, she stood up and started wagging her finger at Johnson in a very animated way, "Now you listen to me Mr. Johnson, you aren't doing anything to these boys just yet. You haven't even heard their side of the story, and all I've heard so far is how they roughed up that Dennis Gordon boy and his friends, and he's a little shit anyways. I don't recall you suspending him when he sent Shane home with a black eye."
Shane giggled at his mom's choice of words, earning him a slap on the back of the head, which everyone else tried not to laugh at.
"I can't control what goes on away from school property Mrs. Conners." Johnson said defensively.
"Well then Mr. Johnson," Adam's mom spoke up again, "What about Dennis tripping Adam during track last year. He broke his arm."
"I can hardly prove that that wasn't an accident." Johnson declared.
"Well why don't you prove that Dennis didn't accidentally fall onto someone' s fists then," Chris remarked, "If he's so accident prone."
"Mr. Dovan, your brother and his friends were fighting on school grounds, now I can suspend them all for one week or I can call the police. You're lucky that Mr. Gordon doesn't want to press charges."
That little speech had two angry mothers and an annoyed older brother giving Johnson an earful. When Adam and Shane began to throw in their own accusations about Dennis Gordon, the entire, tiny room seemed to echo with loud shouting. You couldn't tell one voice from the next and I was getting a headache. Aiden looked like he felt the same way because he backed himself into a corner and rolled his eyes.
"It's my fault." I don't know why I said it. I don't. I just hated the arguing and something told me that if it didn't stop, I would freak out all over again. Well, it stopped, and now I had an audience. Oops.
"See." Johnson said triumphantly, much like a five year old would say, `see, told ya so!'
Chris just threw him a dirty look and pointed at him.
"Shut up." I cringed and Johnson looked outraged, but Chris ignored him and turned back to me. "Owen, what do you mean it's your fault?"
"I started..." I started to say, but was interrupted by Johnson again.
"He started it. There."
What a prick.
Chris gave him another warning look and I think Johnson may have flinched. I would have. My brother had his charms, but Chris especially had the ability to look like a ruffian when he was pissed. It didn't matter though, Johnson shut up. I was going to continue, but before I could Aiden was standing next to me and addressing the principle.
"Owen didn't start it." Aiden stated, "Dennis did. He broke my camera, and it was no accident. Oh, and this is school property by the way." Aiden dropped the broken camera in front of a disgruntled Johnson and then crossed his arms defiantly, glancing at me only once before he continued. "Maybe you should talk to the police about that? Damaging school property, right? I told Dennis that he'd have to pay for it, and I guess you could say he didn't like that very much. Dennis threw the first punch, at me. Owen was the one who stopped him, and then Dennis's friends decided to get involved."
"Adam and Shane were only trying to break up the fight." I added, earning myself surprised looks from both them and their mothers. I guess I was feeling generous. No need for everyone to get into trouble. Not that my tactics were going to work.
"That's right." Aiden confirmed.
"Well, it doesn't really matter." Johnson replied, as if he didn't believe a damn word we said, even if our version was closer to the truth than Dennis's could have been. "You were fighting on school grounds, I have no choice but to suspend you, one week. All of you."
This response had both mothers screaming their boys' innocence at Johnson and Johnson arguing back. It was Chris who suddenly stepped up to the desk and raised his voice.
"Fine." Chris said, causing both mothers to look at him furiously. He held up his hand to hold off their protests. "You can suspend them for a week, but I can vouch for two of these boys. They're good students, and there's no need to interrupt any of their studies. I'll want their work for the next week by tomorrow morning."
"I'll need Adam's too." Adam's mom said. Shane's mom muttered something no one understood, but I think this compromise was acceptable to her. After all, it seemed like all anyone cared about was if we kept our grades up anyways.
"Well..." Johnson started.
"I'll be here in the morning." Chris cut him off, "I'll expect both Aiden and Owen's work then. Also, Mr. Johnson, I'd like to point out that I don't see any of the other boys' parents here. I'd hate to think that that was because they're football players and they have a game this weekend. If you're suspending our boys, the other ones better get the same treatment or we might just have to contact our lawyers. Won't we ladies?"
Chris at least got a smile from Adam and Shane's moms, and was it my imagination, or did Johnson pale considerably? I guess he didn't like the idea of suspending key players of a winning team with a game coming up. Not that I followed sports anymore, but our school did seem to be proud of it's team, and Dennis Gordon, captain quarterback.
"So," Chris said, "If that's all, I'll see you in the morning, Mr. Johnson."
"We'll be here too." Shane's mom stated before grabbing his arm to drag him out with her.
Chris, Aiden and I were the last ones out. That's because Chris wanted to throw one last glare towards Johnson, and then we all silently walked out of the school. We reached the parking lot before Chris threw his head back and groaned.
"I hate that guy." he said. He then smiled widely at me and then looked at Aiden. "Hey Aiden, why don't you come on over until we can figure out where your mom is?" Aiden nodded and then Chris looked at me again, more concerned though. "You okay to drive, Owe?"
"Yeah." I said, looking towards my truck. But I didn't go to it, I looked ap ologetically at Chris. "Look Chris, I'm really..."
"Don't worry about it Owen." Chris cut me off. "It's okay, Johnson's an ass and I know you, it's not your fault. But we'll talk later, when Tony's around, okay?"
I nodded, accepting that. But I was feeling far from all right about it. Chris sensed that, and gave my shoulder a friendly squeeze before he went off to his own car with Aiden in tow.
I drove home on my own, following behind Chris the whole way. Oddly enough, I only briefly thought about Aiden coming over as I wondered how he knew my brothers, and why Chris was on his emergency list at school. I guessed that Tony must have been too; after all, Aiden had thought Chris was Tony at first, a common mistake. He had called Tony in place of his mother. I called Chris because I knew Tony had classes.
But I didn't dwell on Aiden for long. I was too busy scaring myself to death. Chris had been completely cool about handling my fuck up at school. But I felt terrible for putting him in that situation in the first place. As I saw it, I was just a problem that my brother's didn't need. I couldn't believe that I actually managed to get suspended after a month at a new school. Not that I didn't deserve it. I think that was my biggest problem. I deserved it.
I mean, I was pissed at myself for going off like that. Sure, Dennis was a real ass, but that's no excuse for going off on him like I had. I had misdirected my anger, and now I felt bad about it. I wished that helping Aiden had been the real reason that I joined that fight. It was a better reason than the ones my mind was coming up with, for why I did it in the first place.
I felt like I was in trouble when I got home. Home. I loved my brothers, but I still felt like a guest in their apartment most of the time. And when I went home that day I had an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach, knots that seemed to appear every time I got in trouble. Fear. Only there was nothing to be afraid of with Tony and Chris. I knew that, deep down I knew it. But I had messed up. If I had pulled anything like this with my parents I'd be grounded for months. Chris said that we'd talk when Tony got home and I'd be lying if I said wasn't nervous.
Chris and Tony weren't parents. They were only four years older than me, and I don't think any of us had figured out the rules yet. They had taken responsibility for me, although they hadn't given me any rules. They didn't bother me about homework or anything like that. They trusted me to do that kind of thing on my own. I cleaned up after myself, and I was responsible. Until today.
I had messed up and I didn't know how anyone would handle it. Chris had blown it off, but Tony was always the one who was more responsible, so I doubted that Chris would have tried to deal with my problem without Tony anyways.
I wondered what would happen when Tony got home. I still had it in my head that if I got into too much trouble, they would send me back to my parents. Because of that, I had previously decided that I would do anything my brothers wanted me to. Although, I'm not sure how it would feel to be `grounded' by one of my brothers.
I missed a light on the way home, so by the time I got there, Chris was already inside with Aiden. It was weird to see Aiden in my house. Like I said, I had only seen him in the halls at school before today, and I had noticed him because he was so damn hot. He was on the sofa with Chris and they were stretched out playing some video game as if nothing had ever happened at school, which made me nervous for some reason.
"Hey Owen." Chris called, "I ordered pizza for dinner. Tony should be home soon...Aiden and I were just playing a few games while we're waiting, you interested?"
"No thanks." I shrugged, "I've got homework."
That was a lie and Chris knew it. But he didn't say anything. He let me go to my room where I closed my door and plopped down on the bed, lacing my fingers behind my head as I stared at the ceiling. I was tired all of a sudden, but I didn't fall asleep. I just waited silently for the time to pass. Every once in a while I heard laughter from the other room and I wondered about Aiden again. Why hadn't my brothers said anything about him?
Or maybe they had and I just couldn't remember. I had met a few of their friends, especially on the weekends at the club, but never took much of an interest. That was just me keeping my distance.
It came to mind once again that neither Chris nor Tony had any visitors since my arrival. I started to wonder why that was. I thought that maybe it was my fault. I knew that I had been down lately, but I had no idea that I was so bad that they couldn't have people over. Was I that bad? I was feeling guilty all over again.
I don't think I was in my room very long before there was a knock on the door. I sat up and stared towards it for a moment.
"Yeah." I called.
The door opened and Tony came in. It surprised me, because I hadn't heard the front door open in the first place, but I managed a faint smile anyways.
"Hey, Tony."
He smiled and took a seat next to me on my bed.
"I hear you had a rough day." He said.
I hung my head and nodded.
"I'm really sorry." I mumbled.
"Hey," Tony squeezed my shoulder and I looked at him. He looked just as concerned as always. "Chris told me all about it. Don't worry about it, Owe. I mean, sure it sucks you have to skip school, but I'm not about to lecture you for sticking up for someone else, especially Aiden, he's a good guy."
"But that's just it," I said more sharply than I intended, "I wasn't sticking up for him."
Tony looked at me with his `I'm trying to figure you out' face and I just shrugged.
"I mean, I saw the fight starting," I explained, "And the way it worked out, I guess it looked like I was taking up for him, but I wasn't, Tony. When I got in there, it had nothing to do with anyone except me. And that Dennis guy. I mean, I heard him shooting off his mouth and he said something, and then I just snapped. I don't even really remember most of the actual fight, Tony. I was just so pissed."
If you haven't figured it out, I can't lie to my brothers. They ask me a question and I end up pouring my heart out. Especially with Tony. He has that effect on people.
"What did Dennis say?" Tony asked.
I looked at Tony and winced even as I said the word, just under my breath.
"Faggot."
Tony frowned and studied me carefully again.
"So was that it? You thought you'd help someone who was being accused of being gay?"
"No." I frowned. "It wasn't really like that either. I don't know, the word and the setting just set me off. And I'm really sorry Tony. I mean, I'm really sorry."
He rubbed my shoulder and pulled me in for a quick hug.
"Look Owe, we're going to talk about this some more, but right now I think you could use a break. You know, it wouldn't kill you to have some fun every now and then."
I glared at him with an incredulous expression. Fun? Now? Shouldn't I be grounded or something? Tony just laughed at me and ruffled my hair.
"Come on." He insisted, "I hear that pizza's on the way, and Aiden is going to be here for a while. You know, you never mentioned him, I didn't realize that you two knew each other."
"We don't." I replied, "Not until today. I've seen him around, but I didn' t even know that you and Chris knew him until Chris came to the school today."
"We know a lot of people." Tony smiled, "We have been here for three years, you know. Aiden actually lives downstairs."
"What?" my eyes widened. Now that, I think I would have noticed, but no, not me. I was too busy avoiding people to actually notice them. Even the incredibly hot one who turned out to be living practically next door.
"Yeah," Tony shrugged. "He lives with his mom, but she's not around that much. Aiden's about your age. When we first moved in he was over here all the time, his mom had late nights so we kept an eye on him for her."
"You never mentioned it before." I replied, "and you guys never have anyone over here. Is that because of me?"
"It's not what you think Owen." Tony replied, "No, we haven't had people over, but that's because we didn't want to overwhelm you, and you haven't exactly been Mr. Sociable." I guiltily looked down, suddenly finding my hands very interesting. "It's okay Owen. You've been through a lot. We didn't expect you to be interested in a lot of company. But Aiden has been over here; you just weren't around at the time. Actually, he helped Chris unpack your room before you got here." I looked up again. That seemed very interesting. "You know, you surprised Aiden today too. I mean, he's seen your picture all over this place, and he thought you looked familiar, but I guess when Chris showed up at the school today he was surprised when he realized that our brother was the one who ended up fighting with him."
"Oh," was all I had to say.
"Well, if your up to it, we can all hang out tonight and maybe you can get to know him better, he really is a good guy, Owen. And, look at the bright side, you don't have school tomorrow."
I managed a smile and gave him a small nod. I heard the phone ring somewhere from the other room and glanced towards the door briefly, but then turned right back to Tony.
"And we will talk Owen, lets just wait until you're feeling better, alright?"
"Owen! Phone!" I heard Chris call.
It made me jump. I never got phone calls. Actually, I didn't know that anyone had my number. Something about getting a phone call under these circumstances freaked me out. Anyways, my whole body went rigid as I looked nervously at Tony, who casually shrugged and stood up with me. He nudged me towards the door where Chris was standing, holding the phone out for me. Aiden was somewhere behind him, still playing the games.
Chris was smiling, but when he saw the worried look on my face his smile turned into a more encouraging look as he held out the phone again.
"It's cool." Chris insisted, "Go ahead."
I took the phone and cautiously brought it to my ear as Tony followed Chris back to the living room.
"Hello?"
"Owen?" came the voice.
"Yeah, who is this?"
"Dude, it's Adam."
Silence.
"Hello, Owen, are you there?"
"Um..uh, yeah." I stammered, "sorry, I just didn't know that you had my number."
"You're last name's listed." Adam said cheerfully. "I hope you don't mind, I just wanted to call and say thanks for earlier."
"Thanks?"
"Yeah, you know, for what you said about me and Shane only trying to break up the fight. I mean, Johnson's a real prick, but at least we're not in too much trouble at home. I just got the standard lecture, and Shane didn't even get grounded, which is a surprise because well...well, dude, you've seen his mom."
"Um, yeah, well cool. It's no problem."
"Cool, anyways, I gotta get going. I guess I'll see you later."
"Sure."
"Alright, bye Owen."
"Bye." I hung up and stood there for another minute. Friends didn't call me. Did I have friends? Was Adam my friend? I really didn't know him. He didn't know me. But that was my fault too. I wondered if I wanted to get to know him. Damn, what the hell was wrong with me? I didn't want friends, remember? Friends meant opening up, trusting people. I didn't know if I was ready for that.
I moved out into the living room to put the phone back on its cradle and saw that the pizza had arrived. I also realized that it was still fairly early in the day, but my brothers and Aiden were on the floor, around the pizza and a twenty-four pack of beer.
For a moment my instincts told me to go back to bed, but I decided against it and moved to sit between Chris and Tony on the floor.
"Dig in." Chris grinned at me, passing me a beer in the process. I noticed that Aiden had one too. I guess my brothers really weren't like parents, not at all.
I had never been drunk with my brothers before, in fact, I had never drunk with them before. But I did have my own experiences with alcoholic beverages. Nicky and I would have sleepovers at his place or mine; mostly his because his folks didn't care if a little something was missing from the liquor cabinet now and then. We never did do drugs though; I guess I never had an interest in them.
Sitting with my brothers and Aiden, drinking while I watched them stuff their faces and talk shit with each other made me think of Nicky for some reason. I guess I really had been missing him more than I thought. I never did speak to him after the day I came out to him and told him about Dan. He never came to see me at the hospital either. But I sort of expected that. If the word got out that I was gay, I don't think he'd risk coming to see me. I was sort of pissed about that. I mean, if he was really cool with it like he said he was, and if he was supposed to be my best friend, wouldn't he have been there when I needed him?
"Owen! Earth to Owen!" Chris laughed, snapping me out of my thoughts as he waved his hand in front of my face, "Aren't you hungry bro? You're spacing out on us."
I looked around to see that Tony looked concerned and Aiden was giving me a strange look. Also, half the pizza was already gone and I wondered how long I had been out of it.
"Sorry." I shook my head, lifting a piece of pizza, "What?"
"What do you think?" Chris asked me.
"About what?" I asked.
Everyone was silent for a second, and then they all burst out laughing.
"Okay space cadet." Tony remarked, "Chris was saying that since your suspended you should hang out at the club tomorrow, we'll have your school work for the next week then, and if you get it all finished we can go camping this weekend."
"Camping?" I repeated.
"Yeah." Chris nodded, "We know a place about twenty minutes away. It'll be fun."
"But what about the club?" I asked, and then looked at Tony, "And you have classes, don't you?"
"Don't worry about it." Tony smiled, "I don't have classes on the weekend and I think we could all use a break, so long as you get your school work done, and knowing you it shouldn't be a problem. What do you think?"
"Sure." I shrugged, and then quickly finished off my beer before reaching for another one, "Do we have tents and stuff?"
"Yep." Chris nodded, "Tony and I have a tent...Aiden, why don't you bring yours too."
"Sure, I'll dig it out of storage tonight." Aiden replied.
I was surprised that Aiden was coming, but didn't let on. I guess I really hadn't been paying attention.
"Aiden, your tent sleeps three, right?" Tony asked.
"Two's more like it." Aiden replied.
"Hmm, I think I know where we can borrow another one." Chris said, "Oh, Owen, why don't you call Adam back tonight and see if he and Shane have their own sleeping bags."
"Huh?" well that got my attention. "Adam's coming?"
"Yeah," Chris replied, "I talked to his mom when he called you earlier, she said she'd talk to Shane's mom. It shouldn't be a problem as long as they both finish their school stuff before this weekend...you are cool with it, right?"
"Um, yeah." I lied, "He just didn't mention it before when he called, that' s all."
Camping with my brothers was one thing, but this seemed to be turning into a party and I didn't really know what to think of it.
"This sucks." Aiden remarked, "It'll be the first time we've been up there in months and I don't have my camera."
"Hey, don't sweat it." Chris insisted, "I'll talk to Johnson tomorrow, we' ll get you another one."
"And if that doesn't work you can borrow mine." Tony said, "It's not one of those fancy things you use, but it takes pictures."
"Thanks." Aiden smiled.
"You guys have done this before?" I asked, feeling a little jealous. Apparently Aiden had a relationship with my brothers that I had been deprived of for the last three years. I was really trying hard not to hate him.
"Sure." Chris smiled, "Sometimes we get a group together and head up to the mountains to just shoot the shit. Do you remember when we used to go Owen, without the `rents I mean?"
"Don't remind me." I rolled my eyes, "And please tell me that we're not fishing this time."
Tony and Chris exchanged glances and then cracked up while I shook my head and Aiden looked confused. Chris ruffled my hair and then looked at Aiden.
"It was awful," Chris explained, "Tony and I just got our driver's licenses and Owen was like twelve years old and all pissed off that we never took him anywhere, so Tony came up with this camping trip."
"Yeah," Tony smiled, "We planned on taking Owen up there for a good time, so we packed up everything we thought we would need, except food. See, Chris and I figured since there was that river up there we could just catch some fish."
"Which was ridiculous in the first place because the only person in my family who ever went fishing when we were camping was dad," I added, "And he never caught a damn thing in that river."
"Yeah, well Owen was so pissed off when he found out there was no food," Chris continued, "I mean, we didn't even bring snacks, and Owen was like a bottomless pit, always stuffing his face with something, and by the time we set up camp he was starving."
"So we took out our one fishing pole and headed up to the river." Tony smiled.
"This is the part where they mention that they forgot bait." I said, "And the ground was to dry to find any worms."
"Shit." Aiden shook his head, grinning at my brothers' former stupidity.
"Yeah, so we went fishing anyways," Chris laughed, "I think Tony was actually surprised when we didn't catch anything, and Owen was like cursing at us the whole time. He wanted to go home, but we talked him into staying. Anyways, we went to bed hungry that night, and Tony and me felt so bad, I mean, we wanted to take Owen out there for a good time and we couldn't even feed him. So sometime real early in the morning Tony remembered that there was a store we passed about twenty minutes away. So we went to get Owen in his tent, but he wasn't there."
"Man, he almost gave us early heart attacks." Tony shook his head, "I mean, we called and called for him but we couldn't find him anywhere. I mean, if we lost our little brother our parents would have killed us. But we finally did find him at the river."
"Yeah, butt naked and covered in mud." Chris laughed. And I suddenly found myself blushing, feeling like I did when my mother pulled out the naked baby pictures to show to Anna once.
"He had been up all night," Tony shook his head, laughing, "And then we notice his clothes..."
"And then we noticed the smell," Chris said, "See, Owen decided, in the middle of the night, that he would try to catch a fish again, so he goes down to the river, and instead of using a fishing pole, he decides to fish with his hands. Well, that wasn't working out for him very well, and then...and then..." I rolled my eyes because both of my brothers were near hysterics now and Aiden was looking at them expectantly.
"It wasn't that bad." I insisted, deciding to help out, although I saw less humor than they did. "I saw something in the bushes, and it was really dark, so I figured, if we cant have fish, why not rabbit, well, it wasn't a fucking rabbit." My brothers began laughing harder and I gave Chris a playful punch in the arm. Aiden seemed to but something together and looked at me.
"You're kidding." He said.
"Nope." I shook my head, "I was just about to pounce when the striped tail came up, I dove, but not before I got sprayed by that damn skunk."
"So by the time we found him, he's like in the river, tears in his eyes, trying to wash the stink off with mud." Chris laughed, "but see, that's not the best part, while he was in the river, he managed to catch a fish."
"More like a three inch guppy." Tony laughed.
"But he was so proud of it." Chris continued, "And we felt so bad, so we didn 't even mention the store to him then. We told him that we'd go cook up his fish for breakfast. Only, his clothes were so bad that he refused to put them on, and other campers were staring to show up about then. So, Owen decides to get back to the camp the best he could, he just started running, I mean Tony and I didn't even have a chance to stop him."
"Now," Tony smiled, controlling his laughter, "Owen sucks with directions, I mean, he could get lost anywhere, so we take off after him just as his white ass disappears behind some trees, and we're like, looking everywhere, Chris is ready with his jacket to cover him up. But then we hear this screaming, so we run into this campsite and there's Owen, buck naked, holding up this tiny little fish, covered in mud and surrounded by a whole group of little girl scouts on a field trip."
I cringed at the memory, turning three shades of red while everyone had a good laugh at my expense. I rolled my eyes and polished off my second beer before I joined in the laughter. It kind of felt nice to laugh again, and when we all sobered a bit Aiden looked at me with a straight face.
"So, how was this fish?" he asked, and that sent us laughing again.
I had two more beers and had a pretty good buzz going, so did Aiden and Tony, while Chris ended up drunk and passed out on the couch by eight o'clock. Between the three of us, we managed to get him to bed and after Tony tucked him in he followed us back to the living room.
"Hey, Owen, why don't you give Adam a call back before it gets too late." Tony suggested.
"I uh...I don't have his number." I admitted.
"Hey, no problem." Aiden interrupted, "I know it. Can I use your phone Tony?"
"Sure." Tony pointed.
I went to the kitchen for a glass of water and heard Aiden on the phone.
"Hey Janie." He said, "Yeah, I know...one week suspension, but I'll tell you about it later. Is Adam around?" I remembered Adam mentioning that Aiden knew his sister. Janie huh? I wondered if she was his girlfriend. Then I wondered why I wondered that. It's not like I should care. I listened again as he started talking to Adam, "Hey Adam, it's me...yeah, that's his number...no, I know his brothers...okay, about this weekend, do you and Shane have your own sleeping bags? Cool, alright, later."
Aiden hung up and joined Tony and me in the kitchen.
"Adam's got a tent too." Aiden announced.
"Great." Tony smiled, "Tomorrow, why don't you and Owen dig out ours when you get back from the club. Aiden, you know where to find both, right?"
"Yep." Aiden confirmed. "I should probably get home now though, I don't know if my moms back yet, but if she is she might need my help."
"Cool." Tony patted his back; "If she has any questions about everything that happened today have her call me or Chris."
"Sure." Aiden shrugged, and then held out his hand for me, which I shook, " It was nice to meet you Owen."
"Yeah." I nodded, and then he left.
"Wanna see what's on cable?" Tony asked.
"Sure."
We went back to the living room and while Tony fiddled with the remote I thought about what a long day it had been. And about Aiden. I couldn't help feeling like he had been some sort of replacement for me while I was separated from Tony and Chris, but I was having difficulty hating him too. If it was one thing I hated, it was feeling jealous. Unfortunately, I can be a jealous person and I know it. I decided that I could at least give Aiden a chance without letting jealous feelings get in the way. I mean, it was nice, having someone other than my brothers over for the night. Something suddenly came to mind and I looked at my brother.
"Tony?"
"Yeah?"
"Does um...does Aiden know about...does he know about you? I mean, that you're..."
"Gay?" Tony smiled; I don't know why I was still having trouble with that word. "You know it's okay to say it Owen. And the answer is yes. I don't advertise, but I'm not in the closet anymore. Why do you ask?"
"I don't know." I shrugged, "I just wondered if he was cool with it and all. "
"Yeah, he is...he's kida cute, isn't he?"
Cute was an understatement.
"I didn't say that!" I snapped, a little too defensively, which sent Tony into a fit of giggles. By the time he sobered up again I was sitting with my arms defiantly crossed and he ruffled my hair.
"Yeah," Tony rolled his eyes, "But seriously Owe, he really is cool, I mean, if you wanted to come out to him, it would be okay."
"No way!"
"You don't have to." Tony shrugged, "I'm just saying, is all."
"Is he...gay?"
Tony raised his eyebrows at me, but didn't comment.
"You'd have to ask him that." Tony replied, "It's not really for me to say. But seriously, I think you should at least think about coming out to him, Owen. I know that you don't really have any friends here yet. But I think you and Aiden could really get along, you know, and you should always try to be honest with your friends, especially if they can handle the truth."
Friends. Did I really want friends? I mean, it was cool hanging out with Aiden, but I didn't know if I really wanted to get close to anyone. But if I did, Tony had a point. I should at least be honest about who I was. I had spent too much time hiding it already.
But coming out seemed like a strange thing for me. I hadn't even thought about it, not at a new school. I liked to tell myself that I didn't care what other people thought, but the truth was, I did care. I hated that I cared. It meant that I would still have to hide, the way small-minded bigots like my father wanted me to. I decided to compromise with myself. I was definitely not ready to `come out,' but I couldn't lie about something that was a part of me anymore.
I guess if someone asked me outright, I would be honest about it, but for now, I just wanted to be Owen. Maybe I could give this having friends thing a shot. I'll admit that I was curious about Aiden. And Adam had been trying to get to know me since the first day he had found me under that oak tree at lunch. I sort of felt bad, now that I think about it.
Adam was nothing but nice to me and I spent a lot of time pushing him away. Hell, most of our conversations were one sided, that's why I knew nothing about him. Shane seemed okay too, but Adam was the one I felt guilty about. The guy was cool, and I let him hang around, but I never showed any interest in getting to know him. Maybe, I thought, this weekend I would have to change that.
Everyone should have friends, right?
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