This story contains sexual behavior between consenting adult males. The characters are the creation of the author and are not real. In parts of the story, unprotected sexual contact sometimes happens, however, this author advises everyone to practice safe sex in real life, always!
We drove over to Jere's friend's house to pick up his truck. Jere spoke to his friend a bit, then we headed over to Steph's place. As per John's suggestion, I called the sheriff's office and ask that a patrol car meet us there, just in case Steph tried to renege on her promise and as a witness that Jere did nothing out of line that she might accuse him of later.
When we got there, she met us at the door and snarled at Jere, "Are these your fag boyfriends?" Jere calmly told her who we were and we were there just to help him move. "What the fuck is the sheriff doing here?" she yelled. I spoke up and told her that he was here to make sure nothing went wrong, that we just wanted to get Jere's things and move them to his place. His place for the moment was going to be a rental storage locker, but she did not need to know that. With that she let us in.
She and Jere discussed what he could and could not take. Jere was satisfied with what she said, and we began loading his truck. It took a couple of hours and his truck was overflowing. Steph mostly stayed out of the way until we were loading the last items. She angrily said, "Well, that is it, you pervert." "Which one of you is gonna get it in the ass tonight?" "I hope you can take that monster, no decent woman could or would ever take it." "It's gross!" I was just about to unload on her, when Matt grabbed my shoulder and said quietly to me, "Just ignore her." We turned to walk away, all the while she was screaming obscenities at us. The sheriff's deputy told her to quiet down, else he would have to arrest her. She turned and walked back inside. The deputy said under his breath, "What a bitch!" We thanked him and we all drove away.
Matt had suggested we put Jere's things in his 3 car garage until he decided where he was going to live. There was plenty of room and no need for Jere to have to pay for a storage unit. Jere was hesitant, but Matt and I encouraged him to do so. We drove up to Matt's house which is in a very upscale neighborhood. Matt opened the garage and told Jere to pull his truck in. If he was going to be at my condo until he found a place, there was really no need to unload the truck. We went inside. I had told Jere what to expect, so he was not surprised at the mess the house was in. He looked around, asked where the vacuum and the cleaning products were. He assigned each of us a chore and said he would take the kitchen.
After an hour of cleaning, mopping and dusting, we took a break. Jere came out of the kitchen with iced tea and some cookies. He said he had cleaned the fridge and looked in the freezer for something to cook for dinner. He found some steak and lobster and decided he would make kabobs to grill. What he needed to go with the meal were some fresh vegetables like zucchini, onions, yellow squash, potatoes, tomatoes and some greens for a salad. Matt and I said we would run to the market up the road to get what he needed. I wanted to get some wine, but decided against it, since Jere didn't drink and Matt was in his 5th day of sobriety.
When we returned Jere told Matt, "This kitchen is a cook's dream?you have everything." Mattt beamed with pride and said, "I told you so." I like to cook, too and designed this myself." "Well, you did a great job, I especially like the professional appliances and this indoor grill is the bomb." Jere exclaimed. "I could really be creative in here." Matt told him that he could anytime he wanted. "In fact, we can alternate between the condo and here, I have 5 bedrooms and 4 baths." We could be very comfortable here, not that your place isn't, Adam." he said. I could see the wheels turning in Matt's head and suggested we needed to stay where we were for a while until Jere decided where he was going to live and Matt was ok with being alone again.
The dinner was lovely, even without wine, which I would have preferred over iced tea. While we were sitting at the table, I mentioned that I needed to go out to my house and check on things. I was not at all looking forward to it, but I needed to start going through Dani's things, decide on what I was going to keep and get the house ready for sale. Matt asked, "Do you really think that is wise, Adam?" "Yes, I need to do just that." "There are too many memories in that house." "Dani designed and decorated it and living there would be a constant reminder of my loss." I said, and with that I began to cry. Both Matt and Jere rushed to me, hugged me and kissed me. No words were spoken and I felt very loved in the arms of these two men.
After I gained my composure, I said, "Tomorrow is Sunday, so let's get up, have breakfast and drive out to the house." "I need my friends with me." They both replied "Of course, we are here for you, Adam." Matt suggested we stay the night at his house. We could use the hot tub, and cuddle around the fireplace if we got chilly. I was unsure this was a good idea, but in my mind, I said, "What the heck!" "It might be fun" So, I said, "Ok."
Matt turned on the hot tub, checked the water, etc. In about 2 hours everything was ready and the three of us got in. The hot water and pulsating jets hitting all the right spots felt good. Jere and Matt were talking up a blue streak. I was not in the mood to talk, my mind being on Dani and having to go to the house tomorrow to start the process of disposing of some things. Matt asked me what was wrong. I told him, I had a lot on my mind and really thought I needed to be alone. The two of them protested and tried to engage me in conversation.
Finally, I got out of the hot tub, dried off and went into the house. Jere followed me, grabbed my arm and said, "Adam, what is wrong?" "Nothing" I replied, "Just missing Dani and need some space, Jere." He looked hurt, and I told him, it was one of my down times; I would be ok. "Go back to the tub and enjoy yourself." "I am going to get dressed and take a walk." "I will be ok." He said he would go with me, but I asked him to let me be alone for a while to work through some things.
Jere went back to the patio and got in the hot tub. He and Matt were talking, looking at me, then Matt got out and was walking my way. I put up my hand for him to stop and shook my head. "I'll be ok, Matt, just need some time by myself." I quickly dressed and headed out the front door. It was brisk out, my kind of weather. I knew walking would clear my head somewhat and I could plan what I wanted to do tomorrow. However, most of my thought were centered on the events of this past week.
As I walked, I talked to Dani. "My sweet angel, I miss you so much." "I hope you are watching over me and hearing what I am saying," "I need your help." "What the hell am I doing, Dani?" "You are gone only a short time and here I am screwing around, not with one man, but two!" "I think I am caught up in a whirlpool and don't know how to get out." "Jere makes me happy and I really am starting to like Matt, too." "But, realistically, this is not going to work." "I don't know if I am ready to commit to anyone." "Oh, Goddamn it!" "Our life together was so perfect, well, as close to perfect as it could get." "I am so fucking mad at God, at the cancer, everything and everybody." At this point I started to cry.
Even though I didn't have on the proper shoes, I started to run. I wanted to scream, but didn't. I just kept running and crying. I am sure Matt's neighbors thought there was a crazy man running down the street. I stopped running and sat on a grassy knoll with my head in my hands. I noticed a young person riding a bicycle coming towards me. As the bike approached me, I heard my name called out, "Dr. David, is that you?" I looked up and recognized Macklin, one of my patients. "Yes, Mack." I said, "it is me." He got off his bike, walked over, sat down beside me and asked if I was ok.
"Yes, Mack, I am ok." "Just having one of my melt downs." "Thanks for asking." "What are you doing in my neighborhood?" he asked. "You don't live here, do you?" "No, I am visiting Dr. Manet, and decided to get out and get some fresh air." I said. He asked if he could help in any way, he could see I was upset. I told him I was ok and I appreciated his concern.
"Well, I find it is better to talk about things, rather that let them build up inside." he said. "If you don't want to talk about your problems, well then, let's just talk, ok?" I was amazed the wisdom coming from this 14 year old's mouth. "Let me tell you what I have been up to."
He told me things around home had gotten better, his mother was not on his case all the time. She knocks and asks for permission to come into his room now. "Thank you for telling her to do that, Dr. David, she told me she had a talk with you and you told her I was a normal 14 year old?now 15." I replied, "I am glad I helped and by the way, when was your birthday?" "Today!" he said. "Well, Happy Birthday, Mack." "What are you doing to do to celebrate?" I asked.
"I already have sorta celebrated, I, hmm, this is top secret, ok?" he stated frankly. "OK, mums the word." I said, smiling to myself. "I got a blow job and I sucked my first dick today!" he said excitedly. I could not believe he was telling me this. "You remember that guy I told you about?" "Well, I was at his house today, his parents were not home and we did it." "It seemed weird at first, but I kinda liked it?I don't think I am gay or anything, but it did feel good to have my dick sucked."
I asked him how he felt about sucking dick. He told me it was not as bad as he thought it would be. He didn't swallow the guy's cum or anything like that, but he did lick some off his fingers. "Robbie wants me to fuck him next time." he stated. "I don't think I want to be fucked, however." I immediately went into my doctor/patient mode and advised, "Remember what I told you about using condoms." He told me he would.
Then he said he was keeping his dick clean and always retracted his foreskin when he pissed. "Robbie is different from me, he doesn't have foreskin and he isn't as big as me." he said proudly. I told him that Robbie had been circumcised, probably as an infant. "I don't know why anyone would do that to a kid, I love my dick just the way it is." he said. I didn't really know what to say, so I kept quiet.
He said he guessed he should get going before his mother got worried about him. "Are you sure you are ok, Dr David?" I told him I was and I really appreciated him talking to me and getting me out of my sad mood. "You are so easy to talk to, Dr. David." He got on his bike and was off.
I sat there a few minutes, then got up and headed back to Matt's house. I knew what I was going to do. Feelings may be hurt, but I had to do what was best for me.
I walked to the front door rang the bell and heard Matt yell, "It's open!" Matt and Jere were still naked, cuddling in front of the fireplace and motioned for me to come over and join them. I told them I had thought about things and needed to talk. "I want you two to listen to me; don't talk, just listen." I begged.
"This week has been amazing." "I never expected for things to play out as they have." "I want you both to know, I love you very much, and my decision is not an easy one." "As much as I enjoy our sex life, I can't continue." "Deep down inside, I feel really guilty about leading you on, for leading myself on." "I have decided to move back to the house where I belong." "I can not keep running away from Dani's memory, I have to face my loss and find away to recover gracefully."
"It is grossly unfair to you Jere and to you Matt, to keep you hanging on, waiting for me to decide what I want." "Jere, my lease on the condo is paid for a year and you are welcome to stay there, free of charge, for as long as you want or until you find a place." "Matt, I will continue to support you and help you in anyway I can." "But as of now, the sex is over for me."
I paused, waiting for an argument, but they were both so shocked, no words came out. Finally, Jere said, "Fuck you, Adam." "You are running away from me because you are afraid of getting hurt." "I told you I love you, and I do." "You love me, too but you don't want to admit it." He continued, "I think you are not liking that I enjoy fucking and sucking Matt, but that is just sex." "Matt knows that, he knows I love you."
"That's true, Adam." Matt injected, "I am just having fun, being free to do what I want, with two people I truly love and trust." "I need you both in my life." "The sex is a wonderful bonus."
"Hold on." I yelled. "You are not listening to me." "I am not running away!" "I just need to step back, first deal with my wife's death, which I admit i have been running from." "Secondly, I need to decide what direction I want my life to take." "Right now, I am so fucking confused, I don't know what I want and to pretend I do is totally unfair to you, Jere." "I know you love me and I probably I love you, but am I ready to commit to you, no I am not." "If you can not understand that, then maybe you do not love me like you think you do."
Stunned silence! With nothing else to say, I turned around and headed to the garage. Matt ran after me, "Wait Adam, don't leave." I didn't say anything, just kept walking to my car. "Adam!" "God damn it, you bullheaded mother fucker." "Please don't do this!" I hit the garage opener, got into my car and started to back out. Tears were flowing down my face as I pulled out into the street and headed to my house. I needed to feel Dani's presence right now.
The closer I got to my house, the calmer I felt. Dani always had the ability to make me feel stronger, more confident and sure of myself. As I pulled into the gated community, I started to shake with nerves. I had not been in the house for 4 months. All of a sudden, there it was, my big beautiful home that I shared so many years with the one love in my life. I pulled into the garage, sat there for a few minutes, almost unable to breathe. The I heard a voice in my head that said, "Come inside, Adam." I opened the door to the mud room and went in.
I slowly walked into the kitchen, then into the family room. I went over to the fireplace, flipped on the gas logs and sat on the sofa, starring at at the fire. I felt so warm and cozy, but so, so sad. After a few minutes of self pity and tears, I got up and walked through each room on the first floor, touching all the little trinkets Dani was so fond of. My housekeeper, Carole, does a good job of keeping the house clean and neat. I halfway expected Dani to come down the stairs and give me a hug and kiss as she had always done.
My tour of the house continued, climbing up the stairs, looking into each room, pausing at the door to our bedroom. I stood there, my chest heaving and gasping for air, a full blown panic attack. I fell to my knees screaming, "Dani!" "Dani!' "Where are you/" "I need you so badly." "Speak to me, please." I wanted to feel her touch, I wanted to put my arms around her, kiss her and tell her how much I loved her. I don't know how long I remained on the floor. I calmed down somewhat, got up off the floor, went to master bath, turned on the jacuzzi, stripped off my clothes and got in.
I lay there feeling the refreshing water flowing over my body. It all seemed so natural to me and I began to relax. My thoughts turned from Dani to Jere and Matt. I was drowning in a sea of self doubt and I had to run away. I needed to be alone, to be in familiar surroundings, to face my personal issues and not to be influenced by my feelings for Jere and now, for Matt. How did I let this all happen? Was this an escape from my sadness? I know I am depressed. I know I need help, but I am not a pill person and I am afraid that might be recommended. I think I may just call my friend, Bjorn, a psychologist, to set up a few secessions to talk things out.
I had been in the tub a long time and I was beginning to look like a prune. I got out, dried off, reached into the vanity drawer for some of the great body lotion Dani had bought me and began to rub it vigorously over my entire body. After I brushed my teeth, I stared at the man looking back at me in the mirror, not really knowing who he was. Shrugging my shoulders, I left the bathroom and went to the bed I had shared with Dani. I stood there a minute, took a deep breath, pulled back the covers and got in.
I remembered I had left the gas logs on in the fireplace. I got up, went downstairs to turn them off. My cell phone was ringing, I ignored it, but did look to see there were several missed calls, voicemails and texts, all from Matt. I left the phone on the table and went back upstairs to the bed. I grabbed one of Dani's pillows, hugged it to my body and fell fast asleep. I was physically and emotionally exhausted.
The next morning I lay in the bed, starring at the ceiling, wondering what I was going to do. Truthfully, I missed Jere. Why was I so conflicted about my feelings? I looked over to Dani's side of the bed, not expecting to see her, but there she was, smiling at me. I rubbed my eyes thinking she would disappear, but she didn't. I heard her voice ask me, "My love, why are you doing this to yourself?" "You promised me you would be happy and live a full life."
I cried out, "But I want you, I need you!" "Sweetheart, you know that is not possible." I heard her say. "You are feeling guilty about trying to move on, but you shouldn't." "You have found a someone who truly loves you, don't screw this up." "Aren't you disappointed that it is a man?" I asked. "What difference does that make, Adam?" "Love is love, and I know you love Jere." "It's ok." I turned away for a moment and when I turned back over, she was gone. I must be losing my freaking mind, I thought.
I put on a pair of shorts and went down to the kitchen. I knew there wouldn't be much to eat, but I could at least make a cup of coffee. In the freezer were some frozen rolls and a jar of strawberry freezer jam Dani had made last summer. I put a couple of rolls on a pie tin and set the oven to preheat. Next, I made coffee, which I would have to drink black, since there was no cream in the fridge. While the rolls were baking, I made a to do list, which included grocery shopping. Ding! The rolls were ready. The jam was delicious on the rolls, even if I didn't have butter, it was a feast.
After gathering my courage, I called Jere's cell phone. He did not answer, so I left a message for him to call me. Then I called Matt. Matt answered and started in on me. I told him I deserved his wrath, that I had been a complete shit. I asked him if he could get Jere to talk to me. He said he would, but Jere left this morning to go get his things from the condo. "What's that all about, Matt?" I asked. "Adam, he doesn't want to live at your place and he doesn't want to see or talk to you."
"Well, that is going to be hard to do since he works at the practice." I said. "That is another thing, Adam, he is turning in his notice tomorrow." "He is going to move in with me until he decides what he wants to do." Matt said smugly. "Oh, hell no!" I yelled. "Adam, you really don't have a say in this, you walked out on him, he was a mess, and I was there to pick up the pieces." "Just leave him alone." he demanded. I was so pissed off, I just hung up and bounded up the stairs to get my clothes on. I did not stop to brush my teeth, wash my face or comb my hair. I hurried out of the house and was on my way to the condo, hoping I would get there before Jere left.
When I pulled into the parking garage, I saw Matt's car there. That infuriated me until I realized Jere had probably borrowed it since his truck was full of his stuff retrieved from Steph's. I took the elevator up to my floor. When the doors opened, Jere was standing there with a couple of bags full of his clothing. He tried to push by me, but I said, "No way are you leaving until we talk." "Funny you should say that, Adam." "You wanted nothing to do with me last night." he scowled.
"Jere, I was wrong and I want to explain myself to you, please." I pleaded. He told me he had nothing to say to me and I replied, "That's ok." "I am the one who needs to talk." "Please come back into the condo." Reluctantly, he agreed. We went back into the condo. He looked at me sternly, not with the love I usually saw in his eyes. I began. "Last night, I was so overcome with grief, guilt, you name it." "I had to get out of there and be by myself to think about all this." "I went to my house to face my memories and hoping to hear Dani tell me it was ok."
I went on to explain how sad, lonely and depressed I felt being in that house. "I went to our bedroom, but going inside was almost impossible; I fell on the floor in a full blown panic attack.." "After what seemed like hours or crying and wailing, I finally went in, headed straight to the master bath, turned on the jacuzzi and got in." "I was in there for so long, trying to find peace, but all I could think of was you." "I knew I had fucked up by walking out on you." "I needed you to hold me and tell me it was going to be alright." "Adam, why didn't you call me?" he asked.
"I was so ashamed of myself, for many reasons, but mainly because I knew i had hurt you." " I, in that state of mind, decided to wait until the morning to call you, which I did." "You did not answer." "After I got my ass reamed out by Matt, I came here, hoping to catch you." "I wanted say to you something I have not said before." "Jere, I love you, I really do." "I no longer have any doubts or fears, I love you." "I am ready to declare it to the world." Jere stood there, expressionless, looking at me in disbelief.
I started to cry as I told him, "Don't leave me, ever." "I need you so much." "I am so, so sorry for being such a fool." I told him my going to the house alone had been a good thing and about Dani talking to me. "Don't think I am nuts, but she did come to me and tell me to be happy with you, that it didn't matter that you were another man, that love is love." "Wow!" he said. "Jere, I want you to come to the house with me." "I want you to know Dani and learn what a wonderful person she was." "I want you to realize why I will always love her, but know that I can love you as much." "I promise you I will not live in the past and put you in second place." "You are my future." "Do you understand that?" I asked.
"Yes, I do understand, I always have, but avoided talking about it because it made you sad." Jere explained. "Adam, there is no way I would ever try to replace Dani." "I just want to be with you, love you and make you happy." "That's all I ever wanted." "Promise me you will never shut me out, no matter what." I walked over to him, put my arms around him then kissed him passionately and promised I would never do it again. He embraced me, kissed me and told me he loved me. I desperately wanted him to make love to me. However, Jere said, "I need to call Matt, better yet, we need to drive back to his house."
"Oh crap, what are we going to do about Matt?" I said. "I don't want to lead him on, I just want to help him find his own way and for him to be happy." "But, I do not want to share you with him." Jere spoke up, "Adam, you never shared me with him, it was just fucking." "He understands that." "And be honest, Adam, it was fun, wasn't it." I laughed and said, "Yes it was fun to stick it to that prick." Jere frowned at me. "Just kidding, sort of." We both laughed. "So what are we going to do, Jere?"
He told me he thought we should go back to Matt's and let him know what was going on. "We need to set some ground rules, fucking is just that, fucking." "He can not expect anything other than that." "We can fuck him, he can fuck us, but you and I make love to each other." "He has to continue to work on his mental status, no drinking and look for a real relationship." "I am sure there is someone out there for him." I was not looking forward to more drama and I wanted to be alone with Jere, but first things first. "Ok, let's go!" I said.
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