The nature of a truly desperate heart - Chapter 1 ***************
DISCLAIMER: This story is a work of pure fiction, any resemblance to real life and/or real person is coincidence. This story will include scenes involving sex between men and adult language. If you do not like, are offended by such things, are under age wherever you are reading this or it is illegal to read such material, then please leave now, please.
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*************** The nature of a truly desperate heart - Chapter 1
Thomas
"Stop the car. I need to get out." I stormed out of the car, I couldn't believe he was breaking up with me in a moving car, while we were coming back from date night, I thought everything was great, we were in love, we were talking about moving in together and yet, I don't even know why, he was saying he wanted more, he needed something different, something better.
You're probably wandering who am I. Well, I'm Thomas Campbell, I'm a 28 year old man looking for love. I'm brunette, I have a nice caramel toned skin and hazel eyes, I'm a desperate heart, looking for love, and I thought I had found it with Allan, but boy was I wrong.
Allan has almost black hair, and dark brown eyes, his skin tone is lighter than mine, but not by much, we met in the coffee shop and started dating. Everything was fine for the last year, we were in loved, or so I thought. Our sex life was great, we could pleasure each other nicely, again, or so I thought.
That day we were coming back to my place from date night, we went to a high scale restaurant, then to the opera, we were having fun, all in my wallet of course, because if Allan had to pay, we would have hotdogs in the park (which is also a good date), but he would hate it, because it wasn't fashion enough, he would always say restaurants were overrated, but never refused to go if I said it was on me, I didn't mind though, I loved him and wanted to provide him with the best. On the way to my place he said we should open our relationship, see other people, find something better.
Something better, I was in shock, I didn't need something better, I had all I needed, and this guy was it. He didn't share the same opinion. He wanted something better than me.
I had to leave, I couldn't breed, I was having a panic attack, I told him to stop the car and left, he came after me, I couldn't listen what he was saying, and honestly I didn't want to listen, so I started running, he tried to come after me, but turned around and went back to the car, I saw a bar In the corner, I never been there, but I needed to hide, so I went in.
This bar was actually amazing, all walls painted in red, pictures hanging all around, big comfy chairs, but in that moment I couldn't enjoy it, I just needed to hide and to drink, I needed to calm down. The bar was empty, the only other person was the bartender, he looked at me, signaled me to sit in a stool, and without saying one word he served me a double whiskey, and I was just grateful he didn't try to make small talk, I needed to calm down, not to answer a quiz.
I just sat there, sipping on my drink, 30 minutes had passed, and the bar was still empty, the bartender just stood there looking at me, saying nothing, just looking, I know I should feel observed and intimidated, but I was actually feeling calmer knowing he was there and looking after me. I wanted to thank him, but I still couldn't find the strength I needed to talk. At least Allan hadn't shown up, either he gave up, or didn't care and left.
Another 30 minutes passed, I finished the drink I was given, I looked up and saw the bartender smiling, and for the first time since I got in, he spoke.
"Another one?" he asked, still smiling and looking at me.
"Thanks, but no, I can't bury myself in the glass. Thanks for this though." trying to change the conversation I then added "Slow night?"
"Actually, I'm closed. I was closing the door when you came in" he said giggling a little.
I have never blushed so hard so soon, I was embarrassed, I went into a closed bar and stayed in pure silence for one hour, not even looking at this nice guy that was one hour late because of me. I took my wallet out, to pay.
"I'm really sorry, you could have said you were closed, I don't you to have problems with your boss because of me. How much do I owe you?"
"You owe me nothing, and I won't be in trouble with the boss, since I'm my own boss. Now, do you want to talk about it, or should I wait another hour?"
"I'm really sorry, I'll leave now, how much is the drink, really, I'm sorry." I got up to leave, but then felt his hand on my arm, his touch was light, he wasn't keeping me from leaving, I could have released my arm and walk away, but I didn't want to go, in that moment I felt I wanted to stay.
And then I did it, I told him everything that happened that night to the moment I got in his bar, and he listened, I don't know when, he refilled my glass and served one for himself, I was talking, and he was listening, he didn't said anything, he didn't interrupt me, he just stayed there listening me pour my heart out. When I stopped the tale of the night he finally spoke.
"It sounds like it was only one of you in that relationship, he was with you probably for convenience, maybe money, but that doesn't sound like he was in loved, if it was love, he wouldn't need anything more, I know I wouldn't, you look and sound perfect" he said, leaving me with my mouth open, I couldn't believe in what I was hearing.
I laughed trying to take his flirt as a joke, I didn't want to feel perfect in this moment, if I was perfect, then why didn't Allan want me?
"So, what's your name, by the way?" I asked trying to change the direction of the conversation.
"Matthew, but you can call me Matt. And you?"
"Thomas, and you can call me Thomas, I'm not a fan of Tom" I laughed, I needed to try and lighten the mood, since I knew the tension was my fault, I never met this guy before and here he was staying late at work, just because a stranger entered in his bar, right in closing time.
I don't know why I felt good with this guy, his touch send sparks through my body, and his smell was intoxicating, his eyes were sad, but sincere, and his smile was genuine, I felt something, I just didn't know what.
Matt
For the last year I hated my life, I was stuck in a route, I wasn't happy in a long time, and I just wanted to be happy, nothing more. I don't think I'm asking that much, just a little happiness, but every day I woke up. Did the same things every day, and went to bed alone at night, like every day. I didn't know if I loved or hated my life, maybe it was both.
I'm Matthew Simmons, or Matt, I'm 29, I have light brown hair that looks like a dark blonde and gray eyes, I own a bar downtown, I don't have that much business, but I have enough to show profit, and that's fine by me. Along with the bar I also own the building, which has two apartments above the bar, being one my home. That part I didn't hate.
My last relationship failed, I knew that we weren't going to last, he wanted to travel and live in a constant state of adventure, I just wanted to stay in my quiet life, managing my bar, being happy with so little. When he told me I had to choose between him and the bar, I chose the bar, I liked him, but I wasn't in love with him, so the choice was easy to make, and he left never to be seen again. I was actually relieved.
One day of extremely low business I was closing when some guy rushed in, he looked awful, actually he looked gorgeous, but the look in his eyes told me he needed to be left alone. Being in this business for some time, you learn how to read the signs, so I just poured him a drink and stayed quiet, studying his face.
One hour later he finally looked up, so I decided to talk, I asked him what was happening and he talked and talked about his boyfriend, I felt my heart jump knowing this guy was gay. I couldn't believe I actually called this guy perfect, i didn't even know his name, I felt stupid right then and there and tanked the fact that there was so little light in the bar so he couldn't see that I was blushing.
It was now almost 2am, I had closed the bar at midnight, I was ready to go upstairs and just sleep, but for some reason this guy's presence made me forget I was tired, and I just wanted to stay there so he wouldn't go away, I was afraid that if I let him go I wouldn't see him again.
I asked him about his life, and told him about mine, I felt the time stop, I was content just talking and sharing, and then I heard his stomach, he was hungry and suddenly I was hungry, but the talk was just so good that I didn't want to leave, so I did what I thought was the best.
"Looks like we're both hungry, do you want to come upstairs and have breakfast?" I asked looking at my watch and seeing it was now 6am.
"I can't believe I was here for 6 hours bothering you, I'm sorry, I should go now." he said getting up to leave. I couldn't let him leave.
"Hey, you're not bothering at all, I'm actually enjoying our talk, so let's just go upstairs and eat, I promise we'll only eat and talk." I said trying to seem confident about it although I was afraid he was going to reject me.
Thomas then smiled and nodded, and up we went. When in my place we went to the kitchen and I started cooking some eggs and bacon while the coffee machine was doing it's magic. We were silent, but it was a warm silence.
"Nice place you have here, and being connected to the bar must have its perks" he said, maybe he was feeling awkward with the silence.
"Yep, I inherited it like this, I always loved that I didn't need to leave the building to go from work to home, and from home to work, and if I want to get away for a few minutes, I can do it pretty easily." I started laughing, I sounded like my dad, in fact that was the same thing my dad told everyone that asked why he connected the bar to the apartment, although it still had a separate entrance. The apartment upstairs only had one entrance and it was separate from the bar, but shared a staircase and street entryway with the my apartment.
"I should go now, you probably need to sleep to go back to work." he said getting up. I looked at the clock, 9am. What the hell is happening, with this guy around I've lost the ability of tracking time.
"I won't open today, it's our day off, you can go if you really want, but you can also stay and grab some sleep, I have an extra bedroom in this apartment, and the one upstairs is vacant" I said trying not to seem too desperate for his company.
I looked at him, he was blushing, my heart skipped a beat sawing that, he looked confused, as if he was trying to decide if he should stay or leave, I flashed him a smile and tried to calm down, I was telling myself I needed to be cool with his choice, no matter what he actually chose.
"I'm going to take a shower, if you want to leave go ahead, but if you want to stay, the guest bedroom is the first door on the right" I said while leaving for my bedroom, afraid he actually chose to leave.
I finished my shower and went to the living room holding my breath, I hoped he had stayed, I wanted to talk more, to get to know him more, he couldn't leave, or at least not without giving me his contact info. When I saw him sleeping in the couch I felt a spark, I hadn't felt this in a long time, it was happiness.