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CHAPTER TEN
Mario received an early call from the law office; he had to spend most of the day in Santa Monica at the office. Several court dates had to be postponed as Mario had to draft and file petitions in three different courts. When he returned to the house in Malibu in the afternoon, he had been thinking a lot about his husband, Mason. What was it that was on Mason's mind lately, that he had not yet talked about?
Mario was contemplating the New Year, his place in the world, his role in this new relationship, and in this home as a married couple. Mario realized that he had no reason to complain about anything: Mason was a compleat lover, a great husband, a man of the world and handsome and mature and had a great sense of humor and was very cultured. Mason was almost everything that Mario had envisioned as a husband, and he was very happy in his marriage. He even laughed at himself when he caught himself saying the definition of `compleat' aloud: "Of or characterized by a highly developed or wide-ranging skill or proficiency." A Renaissance man.
Mario began to wonder if Mason was unhappy in their relationship; Mario thought through all of the instances when Mason seemed unhappy or upset, and truly there was almost nothing that came to mind.
Mario realized that he would have to try to manage to get Mason to start talking; the easiest way to do that was a walk on the beach. Mason as a journalist was a great listener, a great analyst, and always seemed to find a way to put ideas together and express them that made a lot of sense to an audience. In this case the audience was one: Mario.
After supper, which was just a small salad and Ruben sandwiches, Mario suggested to Mason they take a walk and enjoy the great sunset at their doorstep. They truly had one of the best views of the Pacific on the entire California coast and Mario was always surprised when people commented on how lucky they were.
He realized Mason had worked hard to get to this point of comfort and stability in his life, and Mario was blessed to be a part of it. He wondered how much a part of it he really was; that thought shocked him, and he realized he had no reason to doubt Mason's dedication to their marriage.
Walking north along the beach, where they could face into the sunset, Mario tentatively began the conversation: "This has to be one of my favorite views in the entire world" he said, waving toward the sunset.
"Mine also" Mason agreed, "and as a child I did not even know such beauty existed; growing up on a farm you rarely get to think about esoteric topics like beauty or equality or justice or your station in life, you just accept that you are exactly where God wanted you to be."
Mario was intrigued at the turn in the conversation; he decided to pursue it like a good cross-examination defense lawyer would.
"What did you expect as a child, Babe?"
"I thought I would always be on the farm, just like all of the generations of my family before me. It never occurred to me until high school and college when I discovered writing and reading and journalism that there was anything you could do with your life besides farming."
"So then going to college and getting away from the farm, was that also a shock to you?"
"It surely was, and Westminster College in Salt Lake City, a great little unknown liberal arts college was the place where I actually got to launch Project Mason."
"What's that?"
"Finding myself, defining myself, discovering myself, trying to decide who I was and what I wanted to become."
"Ah, the Great Search as my Father always put it. So what did you find?"
Mason laughed; "A scared little gay boy fresh from the farm with no clue what the world was about, but ready to grab it by the tail and see what would happen."
Mario smiled at his lover, thinking of him as a naïve young college grad and a devilishly handsome one as well: "I am sure you were fabulous, and obviously it turned out pretty well. I am very fond of the end product."
"End product?" Mason questioned with a frown.
"The product that I see in front of me, the man I have been waiting my entire life to find, the greatest man in my life, that is what I meant" Mario replied defensively.
"Meh" Mason muttered.
Mario pushed on: "And so now that we are here together at this beautiful juncture in your life, what's next?"
Mason was startled: "What do you mean?"
"I mean, you have made huge accomplishments in your life, you seem happy, you are stable, you have built this beautiful home, and now we are sharing life together, what do you think is the next turn in the road for you?"
Mason was quiet for a long moment. He stopped walking and turned toward his lover and took his hand and said "I think the way things are is one of my greatest accomplishments: you are one of my greatest accomplishments, and being with you is all I need and want."
They stood there for a moment staring into each others' eyes, and then Mason asked "Am I missing something?"
"Only this" Mario said and kissed him.
Mason laughed, and said, "No really love, is there something on your mind?"
"Two things. First, we had a wonderful time in Buenos Aires and on the trip home you seemed as if there was something that was bothering you, something that you wanted to say to me but have not yet expressed."
"Second, I have been feeling not myself recently, and I want to get a doctor to check me out and see if there is anything that I need to attend to."
A flash of fear coursed through Mason, but he stifled it; he would not let past events control him. The memory of Bob's death still haunted him.
"I think that is a great idea, and maybe we can go together to see my doctor, I have not been in over six months, so it's time."
Then Mason breathed deeply and said "OK, here goes. To answer your first question: I am deeply in love with you, I have never been happier in my life, and you are amazing. You are smart, funny, worldly, sexy, an amazing lover and brilliant and creative and talented and the most handsome man in California."
Mario interrupted him: "It sounds like there is a `but' coming up soon."
"But... I have this silly little dark fear in the pit of my stomach every time I think about you and us, that you will someday find me boring or ugly or useless and will leave me." There was a tear falling down Mason's cheek.
Mario was shocked, again. "Oh my God" he breathed out, almost silently. He grabbed Mason and hugged him tightly, and they stood on the sand together silently weeping. "You silly man! I have found the love of my life and you think I am going to be so stupid at some point to squander this?"
He held Mason at arm's length and looked at him, staring deeply into his eyes, and then pulled him in again and they embraced, as if for the very last time. They held hands and walked up the long steps to the pool deck, turning to watch the final rays on the Pacific waning as the world coasted to a velvet purple.
They stood front to back with Mason resting his back and his head against Mario, and Mario wrapped his arms around his husband. In a few minutes, they lay together in that same position on the chaise, and the moment intensified into a warm and loving and committed embrace. Mario could not stop whispering "I love you" until Mason chuckled and said "I wish there was some other way to say it. I love you too."
The chill of the evening sent them indoors; Mason was the first into bed, and Mario pulled them together in the same embrace they had been in on the pool deck. "I never want to wake up from this dream" he said to Mason, and then realized in the silence his lover was asleep.
In the morning, Mason awoke and found himself alone in the bed. There was a note from Mario next to the English muffin and coffee on the granite counter in the breakfast nook: "I love you more than life itself" and a goofy scribbled happy face. Mason laughed; he missed Mario already. "Jesus, I need a hobby" he scolded himself.
After spending the morning writing his weekly blog and his weekly news analysis for the local NPR station and the weekly column for the LA Times Sunday magazine, he decided to take a jaunt up to Joaquin's art gallery. After the grand opening of the Beverly Hills gallery, Joaquin had wanted to keep this one open perhaps out of nostalgia. Mason was glad he did.
"I have been meaning to talk with you for a while. Do you have a minute?" Mason asked Joaquin.
"For a best friend, I have all day" Joaquin chuckled.
"So it may be none of my business but, because I have a history with Ross, I wanted to check up on the two of you and ask how things are going?"
"You are right, it is none of your business, but I am glad you asked. I am very happy, we are struggling with a couple of issues, but I think things will get worked out soon."
Mason knew he was on target when Joaquin explained "Ross is a complicated person. One day he loves me and the next day he does not want to talk to me, and so I end up getting hurt and anxious. I am still trying to figure him out. Also, we have the issue of my business and his home in Virginia and condo and job in Atlanta, so it's challenging. Right now he is traveling for two weeks on consulting jobs and I miss him like crazy."
Mason sighed deeply. "OK, you said this is none of my business, but I am going to plunge ahead and just put this out there for you to think about. You know that Ross and I were lovers, and I hope he shared at least that much with you. I won't bore you with the details; suffice to say we broke up because of the same things you just described. He made me crazy even though I was deeply in love with him. I just figured out I could not live with a lover who was every other day swinging between go away' and come back'. But, we worked it out so that we have remained friends."
"I am glad for both of you. Mason, you have truly been a stabilizing influence for our relationship, and an outlet for both of us. We don't seem to have many friends, and so you and Mario are very important to us. But I want to ask you a question if I may?"
Mason stiffened.
"Do you and Ross still have sex?"
"No, not since I got married." Mason smiled. "Let me explain. Ross was going through a series of bad boyfriends and bad breakups, and he and I were still having sex, not that regularly, but whenever we got together we always ended up fucking. It was good sex, it was fun, it was nostalgic, and it was very sexy. But after a while, it became less frequent, especially after he moved to Atlanta from Virginia. I was in the middle of moving here to retire, and he was going the opposite way, and then one weekend we ran into each other in Paris because of business and we spent the entire time together in the Hotel George V, and it was wonderful. Since then, we have only had sex the weekend he came here for a little vacation, and in fact it was the weekend he met you for the first time at this gallery."
"And nothing since?"
"Nothing, especially after I got married."
"Mason, I trust you and I respect you, and I want to thank you for the explanation. It is not that I do not trust him, but you know he and I have had our ups and downs and started off with a lot of problems. Those are behind us now, I think, and we have you to thank in part for that, but we still need to work out what we are as a couple and make some progress."
"Do you have anyone to talk to besides me and Mario?"
"Not really, just my sister, but she is not much help, with her record number of divorces and affairs."
"What about therapy?"
"I have thought about it. I was thinking of calling my former therapist."
"Do you want me to recommend someone?"
"Sure, but I have to get Ross to agree."
"Well, when I get home I will look in my office for the contact number, but Sue Cox is wonderful. Divorced, my age, two adult children, Catholic, very open-minded, very professional. She urged me to buy a motorcycle."
"What does that mean?"
"I will explain some day over cocktails. In the meantime, I want to see if I can help by expanding our circle of friends; maybe Mario has some people he can introduce to you guys so you can start gathering a few more friendships and see if that helps."
"I love you for all of your support, thanks. And by the way if you were not married I would certainly be jumping on your husband, what a great guy and what a hottie."
"Thanks, I guess, was that supposed to be a compliment?" Mason laughed, and Joaquin smiled broadly at him. When he left the art gallery, Mason called Mario and asked him to invite his gay law partner to supper and cocktails. Mason told him about his conversation with Joaquin. He then called Joaquin and asked what time he was free for supper at the beach house.
By 7 PM, Mario had returned home from the office in Santa Monica and stripped and ran down along the beach and plunged into the ocean for a very cold swim. He showered and dressed in his very best ragged cut-off blue jeans and tank top. His law partner, Tommy Baylor, arrived just as Mario was pulling his shirt over his head and wandering into the great room. Mason handed each of them a classic Martini, and they began chatting as Mario showed Tommy to the sofa.
"First. Let me say how much I enjoyed the party the other day, and how much I appreciate getting to know you guys. You will have to tell me all about how you met and got married."
"Sure, but first let's hear a lot more about you and your life story" Mason replied, just as the doorbell rang. Joaquin showed himself into the house, and everyone stood and hugged the beautiful Spaniard art gallery owner. Dressed in linen pants and a dark blue Guayabera shirt, Joaquin looked like a model.
Mason said "May I introduce Joaquin Antonio Mendez de Concordia."
Joaquin and Tommy shook hands, and Joaquin was a little startled by the openly lustful look in Tommy's eyes as they were introduced.
"Very nice to meet you; we actually met the other night at the party although I think we were not introduced. Is your partner here?" Tommy continued gazing at Joaquin like a dog contemplating a raw steak.
"No, Ross is flying around the world on business right now" Joaquin responded.
As they finished their cocktails, Joaquin explained their lives in a condensed version, leaving out important details like Mason and Ross being former lovers, and the fight and flight' from Virginia at the beginning, but it was clear that Tommy got the message about look but don't touch'.
"Man, you guys are lucky; I wish I could find the man of my dreams like you guys."
"Well, from my experience, if you hang around Mario and Mason long enough, then Mr. Right will walk through that front door." Joaquin continued, "Tell us about you."
"My twin brother Teddy and I grew up on a farm in southern Illinois, outside of East St Louis if you are familiar with that area of the world" Tommy began. He explained how as twins they were in constant trouble with their parents and grandparents, and how it was enough trouble that his parents decided not to have any other children. The boys went to college together where Tommy came out of the closet; Southern Illinois State University was a playground for both of them with partners of all kinds available.
After college, Ted decided to try law school, and Tommy went to the Peace Corps for two years in Romania. When he returned he went to law school also to keep up a life-long rivalry with his best friend and twin brother. After their parents were killed in a car accident, the boys decided to leave the Midwest and move to the coast; they had been in California about ten years practicing law. Ted had been married almost five years, and Tommy was still single and looking.
Mario added "And looking very hard, from all I have seen" and they all laughed.
Tommy blushed; "Well, trying to be a successful `Man About Town' in Southern California is pretty competitive, you know" he drawled. They all laughed again.
Joaquin chimed in "Well as I said if you keep up with these guys, you will get a lot of support in your hunt." His cell phone rang and he walked out to the pool deck to take a call from Ross. When he returned he said "Hey everyone, Ross said hello and to tell you all he loves you and will be back next week."
Supper was catered by Tad, who was still practicing his recipes and techniques. Blackened catfish with wild rice and fried spinach and a chocolate-ganache-glazed walnut brownie filled everyone, which delighted Tad. It was nearly midnight when the supper party broke up and Mario walked his boss to his car in the driveway.
"Seriously, Tommy, if you think that we can be a part of your support network, Mason and I know a lot of people, so please allow us to be in your life. We had a great time tonight and want you to be a regular at our house."
"That's very sweet but if you think you can suck your way into being a full partner you are probably right." Tommy laughed, and Mario laughed as well rather than challenge the inference.
Climbing into bed, Mario said "You know Babe we have not yet gotten around to that doctor visit we talked about. Can you arrange it soon?"
Mason was startled but tried to appear calm. "Sure, I will make the call in the morning. I am afraid I am forgetting more these days than I can remember. Must be getting old. Nothing more useless than an old fag" he laughed at himself.
"You are not old, and as long as we have each other, we can work out whatever we need" Mario reassured him. "And besides, if anyone calls you a fag they will have me to deal with."
"I love you" Mason whispered; they fell asleep almost instantly.
Three weeks later, the last Friday in February, Mason and Mario were seated side-by-side in Dr. Fritz Cooper's waiting room. Both were nervous and did not look at each other. When the attendant called Mario to the examination room, he glanced at Mason wistfully.
Mario introduced himself to Dr. Cooper, explained his new life with his partner Mason, and went through a litany of mundane questions to get acquainted with his new doctor. When they finished all of the usual stats, Dr. Cooper asked "What is it that is on your mind today?"
Mario explained his recent bouts of exhaustion, some sleeplessness, an infrequent tendency to shortness of breath, and the general stress of working in a high-energy law firm. Dr. Cooper listened intently while scribbling some notes. When Mario finished, he said "Well it does not sound catastrophic, just maybe a little stress-related and work-related. I want you to go see a specialist, a friend of mine in this same building, and have a couple of simple tests run. Can you call them when you leave here and make an appointment?"
"Sure, I want to feel like myself again. This is making me crazy."
"Well as I said, from listening to you and looking at your vitals, I think we are going to be OK; let's see what the tests tell us."
Mason replaced Mario in the exam room, and after the usual banter between old friends, Dr. Cooper said "Well Mr. Taylor it looks as if you have gotten a new lease on life."
"What the Hell does that mean Doc?"
"Just that you have a new lover who is a day or two younger than you and gives you a reason to take better care of yourself and to live longer. Have you given up drinking?"
"Not really, still drinking a couple bottles of wine a week, maybe a martini once or twice a month. Should I give that up?"
"I am sure it is not your drinking that will kill you."
"OK smart ass, what is it that is going to kill me?"
"Mason, I wish I could guarantee that you will die in bed at home in the arms of your lover, but that only happens in Hollywood, if you remember that horrid James Garner movie?"
"Yeah, `The Notebook'?"
"Yep that's the one. James himself hated it."
"James?"
"Neighbor; we talk whenever we are out walking on the beach."
"You live next to the old `Rockford Files' wreck of a single-wide mobile home?"
Fritz Cooper laughed; "No he has gone upscale since then. We are side by side in Hermosa Beach."
"So back to the subject, how and when am I going to die?"
"No telling for certain until we get twenty or more years down the road with you, but probably just like your sister who recently died in Idaho. You will go peacefully, I'm pretty sure."
"You're no help; why am I paying you?"
"You need the tax deduction?"
"Shit yes! That's the truth. So, Doc, how about my lover?"
"Beautiful man, you are very lucky."
"But..."
"Client privacy Mason, you know that. Ask him and see what he says. Best wishes to both of you."
"Best wishes? Is something wrong?"
"No, not at all, I just want you both to be happy, it makes for better and healthier patients. See you in six months. Be good to yourself and be good to each other. By the way, sorry I have not been to any of your parties lately, I am up to my balls with that intern."
"Is that bad news?"
"Hell no, he just keeps me very busy and exhausted, he has amazing sexual stamina and curiosity, and he is insatiable. Every night, unless I really put my foot down and say `no'. We really should get back out to Malibu to your place soon."
"You're a trip Doc."
Three days later Dr. Cooper's associate to whom Mario had been referred called and asked Mario to drop by the office on his way home from work to discuss the results of the tests. Mario was instantly apprehensive; he decided to leave work early just to get the anxiety over with. When he sat in the specialist's office, he was relieved to see the doctor smiling, although he wondered if that was just the smile the cobra gave the mouse.
"You have a mild arrhythmia. It is not a big deal at this time, but it has been trying to send you a message about how to take care of yourself. At the moment I don't see any reason for surgery, but we need to keep you monitored, so I want to see you again in three months."
"Surgery? Shit."
"Technically you have tachycardia, a speeding up of the heart in certain conditions such as stress or physical activity, and it can be generally managed with a drug therapy and you will probably live a long life and outlive me. Nothing to be overly concerned about but I am glad you came in to get it checked. Now, get this prescription, Adenosine, watch the possibility of any side-effects, and call me immediately if anything changes. Do you have any questions?"
"Shit. No. I mean, I don't even know what to say at this moment."
"Say `Thanks Mason for saving my life' and go home and kiss your partner profusely. Take your medicine. This is not going to change your life any, just be aware of any new symptoms that pop-up like prolonged pain or prolonged weariness."
"OK Doc. Thanks. When do I see you again?"
"One month for the drug therapy checkup, and three months for the arrhythmia re-check. Don't worry, we are going to manage this together; you will be fine."
Mario slipped behind the wheel of his Lamborghini and wept; he was not feeling sorry for himself, and in fact he was relieved to have news from the doctor about the manageability of his condition. At least he did not have some more exotic life-threatening issue to deal with. There are plenty of those in the gay community, he thought.
He phoned his father before starting the car, and quickly explained what was happening. Mario Sr. consoled his son as best he could; he asked if Mario wanted to come home to Buenos Aires for a while and rest or if his mother needed to come up to California and take care of him.
Mario laughed and said "Thanks Dad, not necessary, please remember that I have the most attentive husband in California. I am going to be fine. I just wanted to let you know so that there will not be any questions later. I love you. Please come and see us as soon as you can."
"There is a hemisphere conference on the environment in a few weeks, I was going to email you and let you know; it is in two phases, Monterrey, Mexico and Los Angeles. I will plan on seeing you then."
"Please do; is Mom coming?"
"Not this time; she is attending a women's rights conference in Miami hosted by Secretary Clinton. She is representing the government and is an official delegate. What do you think?"
"I think there is probably not a smarter or more beautiful woman in Argentina to do that job. Please tell her best wishes and I love you both."
"Mario? Take care son. I mean it. Tell Mason hello."
Mario pulled himself together and phoned Mason. "Love, will you meet me for supper? Let's do Ocean & Vine in the new Loew's Hotel. I can be there in a half hour."
Mason was instantly apprehensive, but rather than have it out with Mario over the phone, agreed to meet him. Mason was actually the first to arrive, as he had been driving south on PCH. When he saw Mario enter the restaurant, he stood and waved and forced himself to smile. They embraced, and Mason could not let go of his lover.
"Papá says hello; he is coming next month to a conference and wants to see us."
"Great. Wonderful. Marvelous. Good. What did the doctor say?"
"Are you upset?"
"No. I am scared to death. You are not acting normal."
"Mason, how can I act normal when I have just been told I have colon cancer, hepatitis C, West Nile virus, tuberculosis, every STD, a brain tumor and arrhythmia of the heart?"
Mason nearly fell down.
Mario smiled. "That was evil. None of that is true. Except the arrhythmia."
"Bastard."
"Excuse me?"
"You should never do that to me ever again."
Mario laughed. "You are right, love; I apologize. I was just trying to make light of something that sounds scary but is completely manageable.
Mason took a long deep breath and then said "So, Mr. Barnum and Bailey, what is this arrhythmia?"
"Barnum and Bailey? Who?"
"Circus clowns. Doofus. Thanks for scaring me to death. Now, the arrhythmia thing? God damn..."
Mario explained what he had been told by the specialist, that he needed to begin a drug regimen, and that he did not need to change his work load or schedule. In fact his regular gym schedule was great according to the doctor, and his life was going to be practically the same. Mason was skeptical, but relieved that they at least now knew what direction to go in with Mario's condition.
"Doc said I may even outlive you" Mario laughed.
"Sure as Hell better plan on it" Mason exclaimed.
Supper was quiet after that, and Mason and Mario kept exchanging glances and blowing kisses and holding hands. Their waiters kept a distance, except for constantly refilling their wine glasses. That night in bed, Mason turned to Mario and said "After your Father has been here for his conference, let's run over to Hawaii for a couple of days, maybe just a weekend. What do you think?"
"I think you are just trying to get me alone so you can fuck me."
"Oh well, yeah, I am, but I was hoping you can fuck me first if your delicate condition will allow it. You know those drug commercials on TV that say you have to check with your doctor to be sure you are healthy enough for sexual activity?"
"Yeah."
"Well according to Dr. Cooper I am healthy as a horse."
"You Americans, who would want to fuck a horse?"
"Go to sleep. You are drunk."
"Love you too. Really, Barnum and Bailey?" Mario laughed.
Mason joined him in laughter'; they soon drifted off to sleep.
The Deputy Minister of the Interior for the grand and glorious Republic of Argentina was only available for dinner, as it turned out. After his conference he had to fly back to the capital as quickly as possible to confront some indigenous terrorists who wanted to blow up a pipeline but only succeeded in blowing up themselves. Mario Sr. and his son had a great relationship, and it was always heart-warming for Mason to see how they cared for each other.
A day later they were on a flight to Hawaii; just like the weekend at the B&B in Santa Barbara, this trip was designed to rejuvenate and recharge. Mario smiled as he remembered that they had not even had sex when they were in Santa Barbara; he wanted to surprise Mason this time and be very attentive to his husband.
Maui is beautiful at almost any time of the year, and the late winter was especially gorgeous as the storms in the Pacific caused huge waves to come crashing in and create a marvelous symphony of natural music for them to enjoy in their beach-front hotel. They enjoyed two days of solitude wandering the beach together, as well as an evening luau, and late nights watching the stars over the inky black Pacific sky.
When they returned to Malibu, they were confronted with a mysteriously silent and angry Carlos. "What's going on with you?" Mason asked less than tactfully.
"Nothing. Nada."
"Doesn't look like nada to me."
Carlos stared off into the distance for a moment and then said, almost silently, "Stuart."
"What's wrong with Stuart?" Mason was apprehensive.
"He went to Tahoe."
"Oh. Is that a problem?"
"Well, I thought he was going to take me and teach me how to ski. But he went with Tommy."
"Ah." Mason was quiet after that, wondering what to say next.
Mario rescued the moment. "Well, mi hijo, if you already know how to ski then why don't the three of us go next weekend and have fun up there?"
"Well, I do not know how to ski; he was going to teach me."
"It seems to me this is not about skiing, it is about something else. Am I wrong?" Mason asked Carlos.
Carlos stared at the floor. "Yes" he whispered.
"Do you have feelings for Stuart?"
"Well, he was my first."
Mario interjected. "Baby, come here and sit down. Mason and I have a thing or two to tell you about being gay and about gay relationships. Now listen carefully."
Mason steered them to the sofa in the great room; Carlos looked sheepish, with a tear edging out of the corner of his eye.
Mario began "It took me a lifetime to find that man sitting over there on the other side of you. I am so deeply in love with Mason that sometimes it hurts, and I can't wait to get home from work every day to see him and be connected with him again."
"But here is what you need to know about that; to get to where Mason and I are now, at this stage of our lives, has taken a lot of work and patience and heartache and broken hearts and sadness and longing and trial and error. It is not just about fucking, it is about finding the right man to share your life with."
Mason continued the dialogue: "We cannot say to you that Stuart is the right man for you, nor can we say that Stuart is not the right man for you, that question can be answered only by you and it might take a while for you to be able to answer that question. Right now, I suspect that what you are feeling is jealousy, as much as you are feeling hurt and lonely since Stuart is with Tommy and not you."
Mario picked up the thread of the conversation: "And if you are thinking they are having sex up at Lake Tahoe, yeah, they probably are, that's what horny gay guys do, whenever they have a chance. And you have not even said to us that you are actually gay, even though I think you have enjoyed our sex parties, but you need to be sure of where you stand in the world. Are you gay?"
"I think so...being gay is the last thing my parents prepared me for" Carlos responded. "I do not know shit about being gay."
"It's not just about sex" Mason said. "It is about how you feel about yourself, about how you feel about the world, about your place in the world, and how you respond to the world and its circumstances. This might be something that you want to think about for a year or so."
"How will I know?" Carlos asked plaintively.
"How will you know if you are gay? Baby, you do not have to make a decision about that, your heart will speak to you; your soul will tell you. You will wake up one morning and your mind will stop chattering at you about "the world says this" or "the family says that" or "the church says this other thing" or "society says" or whatever; and you will just know."
Mason took Carlos's hand and said "Let's try an experiment. Let me call Tad; he went through this last year. Let's ask him to come over and you ask him that same question: `how do you know you are gay', is that OK?"
Carlos nodded his head and Mason called Tad, and in about ten minutes the blonde Oregon farm boy was ringing the doorbell. When they acquainted him with the story, Tad was happy to reply.
"You know Carlos, at first I thought it was just my dick talking, and me being crazy, but now I realize it is much more than that." Tad looked anxiously at Carlos; he was not accustomed to long explanations of anything, and this was a new experience for him.
"I guess you have to say I `came out' in this very room, with the help of these two men" and he smiled and pointed to Mario and Mason. "They made me realize what direction my life was heading and they helped me to think about why it is so very important for me, or for you as well, to be authentic, and to be what we really are inside, not what the rest of the world wants us to be."
Carlos sighed; Tad looked at him anxiously and asked "Do you get me?"
"Yeah. I just do not know if I am ready for all of that."
"Well guess what dude, there is no timetable. You can do whatever the Hell you want, when you want."
"So I have a question. About Stuart." Carlos looked determined.
Mason stiffened; "Go ahead" he said.
"Why did he act like we were boyfriends all of that time and then cheat on me like this?" Carlos asked.
"Is he really cheating on you?" Mario responded. "Did he ask you to be his boyfriend or partner or lover, or any of those things, or did you guys just have sex a couple times and you assumed that made you into boyfriends?"
"Yeah, I guess you are right. I just assumed that since he was my first, and since we had such a great time in Buenos Aires, that it meant something."
"It does mean something" Mason said. "It means you guys like each other and you guys gave each other something very special, and it is something you will always cherish no matter what happens."
"See, gay guys are the opposite of straight guys" Tad said. He laughed.
Carlos grimaced.
"Straight guys spend a lot of time and money and attention on a girl trying to get into her panties, and after a while, they finally have sex. Gay guys have sex first, and then decide if it is worth spending the time and energy together."
"Oh." Carlos hung his head sheepishly.
"Was it good?" Mason asked.
Carlos blushed, "Well, since I had only fantasized about it up to that point, yeah it was great. Having a guy take my dick in his mouth was amazing. I wanted it forever. But now I have had one or two more guys" and everyone interrupted him by laughing, and then he continued "so I guess I can say Hell yeah! Stuart is a great cocksucker and I want him again."
"Do you want him for a boyfriend?" Mario asked.
"To be honest, I don't think I should have a boyfriend right now, with college, and my family situation, and everything else that is going on so maybe not. It's not just me; it's the situation."
"It always is" Mason said.
"That's great, so let's celebrate and fuck" Tad shouted.
Everyone laughed and Mason said "Settle down Tad, ol' buddy, we don't have to fuck in this house every time there is something to celebrate."
"Damn" Tad said.
"And you have a boyfriend anyway, right?" Carlos asked Tad.
"Yeah well something like that, but it's just like you: Mike and I spend a lot of time together but we have never really asked each other that question. I guess I could call him my boyfriend, but I am not sure he says that about me to anyone else."
"Wow" Mario and Mason said at the same time.
"Does that hurt you?" Mario asked Tad.
"Yeah, kinda, I guess, since I am all alone in the world, no family, it might be nice to have someone who is my permanent guy."
"And so asking him would be the wrong thing to do, then?" Mason asked sarcastically.
Tad looked at Mason and grinned broadly; "Hell yeah Mason, that would be totally dumb." He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and dialed Mike and practically shouted "Hey Babe what are you doing right this minute?"
He waited for a response and then shouted again "Get your sweet white ass over here, I am sitting on Mason and Mario's sofa and we are talking and we need you to get over here fast."
Twenty minutes later, when Mike rang the doorbell, Tad said "Oh shit I am sweating bullets."
Mario invited Mike into the great room; he served a classic martini to everyone in the room except for Carlos, who usually opted for beer. Tad took an unceremonious swig of his drink and then handed it to Carlos. He knelt down in front of Mike and said in a very low voice "Mike Williams, will you be my boyfriend?"
Mike gasped. He slowly looked around the room and then he looked directly at Tad and said "Tad Carlysle, yes, yes oh fuck yes, and will you be my boyfriend?"
Tad jumped into Mike's lap, and they kissed, and everyone clapped and cheered. Tad stood up and shouted at Mason "This is all your fault" and explained to Carlos the talk he and Mason had had so many months before on coming out. Tad kissed Mason and Mario on the cheek and then he and Carlos hugged and kissed each other's cheek, and Mason shook hands with Mike, and Mike hugged Mario.
"Do we have any champagne?" Mason asked Mario, and soon a cork was popped and the five of them were sharing a toast.
"Wow" Carlos said.
After the impromptu celebration, when Mason's cell phone buzzed it was disconcerting. It was Stuart's number. Mason walked out to the patio to talk quietly with his nephew. "Do you have a minute?" Stuart asked Mason.
"For you, all night of course." Mason said.
"I'm afraid I did something stupid. I am in Tahoe with Tommy Baylor, and I left Carlos at home alone."
"Yeah, I think leaving Carlos alone was perhaps thoughtless, not necessarily stupid, but you have done worse."
"What? When?"
"Remember the barn fire?"
"Oh fuck yeah, that, oh sorry uncle, shit. I was only 12 years old." Stuart took a deep breath and regained his composure. "Do I need to apologize to him?"
"He is here and Mario and I kind of worked things out, but I think he at least deserves an explanation if not an apology. Do you want to talk to him?"
"Yes, please, may I?"
"I will ask him."
Mason walked into the great room and grabbed Carlos by the shoulder and guided him out to the patio and then handed him the phone and excused himself and returned to the house. In a couple of minutes, Carlos returned with a sheepish grin on his face.
"What?" Mario asked.
"Gringos. Oh my God I will never understand them."
They all laughed, and Carlos explained very briefly that Stuart had apologized, and wanted to talk when he got back from the mountains. Mason patted Carlos on the shoulder, and Mario hugged him, and Tad squeezed him and said "Listen, you will get this all under control sooner or later, just enjoy the ride. And look around, with all of the meat Mason has at these parties, you may never need a boyfriend, you will have your hands full."
"And your ass and your mouth" Mike added. They all roared with laughter.
Carlos reddened. Then he turned a little serious and said "OK, then since everybody here is gay, is it safe to ask this question?"
"Go for it" Mike said.
Carlos swallowed hard and said "You know I have been at two of Mason's parties, but I have never had it in my ass. What is it like?"
Mike said "Well, you cannot say what it is like, and I would not go running around West Hollywood looking for a stiff dick to shove up my ass just because I wanted to find out what it is all about. There is a process."
"Jezuz baby you make it sound so clinical, like there is no romance in it" Tad complained.
"Look at mister ass-fucking expert here" Mike laughed.
"Hey, I give as good as I get" Tad said.
"True, and baby when you are fucking me it feels like I am flying" Mike said.
"Jesus, is it that good?" Carlos looked confused again.
Mason interrupted. "Why don't you guys give him a trial run?"
Carlos said, "You know that sounds like fun, but for some weird and twisted reason I want Stuart to be my first." He blushed.
Mason said "That's sweet. Does he know that?"
"Sort of, maybe. He will be back tomorrow, so..." and Carlos blushed again.
"Well, then at least let us give you some tips. Be sure you are clean, inside and out, and be sure you are loose. Mike and I can show you how to do those things." Tad was grinning.
Carlos could not stop blushing. They took him by the hand and guided him into the guest bedroom, where they spent an hour showing him all of the things they were talking about. When they returned, Mario and Mason were on the patio wearing heavy sweaters, enjoying the moonlight and a second martini, and chatting about Mason's various projects and Mario's case load and his recent doctor visit. Carlos looked as if he would never stop blushing.
"Well?" Mario demanded.
"Well I now have the cleanest asshole in Malibu, and if Stuart got here in the next fifteen minutes I bet I could take a bull's cock up my ass for him."
They all laughed. "So you got loosened up?"
"Oh Hell yeah. It actually was a lot of fun."
"For us too" Mike said, and the lumps in the two pairs of denims in front of Mario and Mason were evidence that everyone had fun loosening Carlos' asshole for the first time.
"Did you tell him about rimming?"
"What's that, I have heard that word, but..." Carlos asked.
"Well it sounds gross but believe me it is a Helluva lot of fun, especially for the receiver" Mario said, and he explained how sucking and tonguing a man's asshole can be very entertaining.
Carlos was revolted. He could not stop staring at Mario as he explained rimming.
"Really?" He was choking.
"You don't have to try it, but you might ask Stuart if he likes it."
"Seems to me love, I remember you eating that sweet ass of your nephew not too long ago" Mario said to Mason.
"Oh yeah. Well, anyway Carlos has to at least ask Stuart if he likes having a tongue up his ass." They all laughed.
When they fell into bed, Mason and Mario were satisfied that their semi-adopted Venezuelan son was in better condition than they had found him earlier in the evening.
Mason asked "What about his parents? Is there any chance they are coming back to California?"
"Slim chance, but it might work if after Carlos has graduated college and gets a job, he petitions to have them brought together here, since he is already a citizen."
"I certainly hope so, he really misses them."
"Yeah, I am sure part of his issue with Stuart is the abandonment thing: losing his parents, etc. I sure feel sorry for the kid. He is a great kid, absolutely no trouble, and really respectful. By the way do we have any idea how his grades are in his college classes?"
"No, but since I am an adjunct professor there, I can get the info the next time I go to campus on Monday."
"You're a great Dad" Mario said and kissed Mason on the cheek.
"Do you want more kids?" Mason asked.
"Shut up Dear. Don't get carried away."
They laughed and fell asleep. Somehow, the thought never left either of them.