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CHAPTER SIX
The flight attendant stopped and asked if I'd like a drink or a tiny package of almonds; I declined both.
I had spoken to Tavis the next day. "It's only been five months. You're coming back already?"
"Yep. By the end of this month. So, I won't be in Seattle for much longer. It's perfect, since it's still summer break. Come visit while you still can." So, here I am on my way to Seattle.
I stared out the window at the perfect weather, cerulean sky and cotton clouds. I had been doing a lot of staring lately. He's definitely right, though. If he's coming back to San Francisco, there's no reason for me to stay with Ali anymore. Either way, I'm sure I'd have to leave once I graduated from college anyway. I picked up Ali's copy of What Comes After Closing Up the Donut Hole 2, opening it to my bookmark. I didn't see the words, though. I sort of left on awkward terms with Ali. And I felt crummy about it.
I was staring out the window again. Even though I haven't seen my brother in ages, and it'll be great to see him...I felt terrible.
"Kip!" Tavis was waving like mad.
"Tavis!"
He rushed over, crushing me in a hug. "I'm glad you made it. How was your flight? How's life?" He drew back and looked at me.
"All good. You know, we spoke on the phone this morning." I was being surly.
"But we haven't seen each other in months, right? Is everything the same? Have you been eating properly every day?"
"Yes," my tone vibrated with annoyance.
He roughly patted me on the head. Are you sure you haven't shrunk a little?"
"Tavis!" I pushed his hand away.
He laughed. "Well, first things first. Let's head to my place. My wife cooked a tasty meal. She's waiting for us there." He put any arm around my shoulders and dragged me along.
"Eat lots, okay Kip?" Courtney was enthusiastic.
"Oh, yes, ma'am."
"I'm sorry, though. You're a better cook than me, so it's kind of embarrassing." She smiled good-naturedly.
"Not at all. It's delicious. Seriously." I took another bite of roast chicken to prove it.
"If there's anywhere you want to go tomorrow, let me know," Tavis dictated. "I'll look into it."
"Oh, I want to see the Fremont Troll! That colossal sculpture under a bridge."
Courtney laughed. "You'll want to see Waterfront Park, too."
"And Chihuly Glass Garden, too." Tavis prioritized art for me.
"Oh, then let's have pizza at MOD for lunch," she suggested.
"It is there specialty, after all," he joked.
They continued to plan the day. It's like a warm family, I thought as I looked around the table, seeing them smile at all of us being together.
After dinner Tavis and I had coffee at the table while Courtney cleaned up, which was new for me.
"But honestly, I'm amazed that you're able to handle living with Alistor."
"What?"
"He's a really great guy, but he has a highly sensitive side. I was worried that you'd be tiptoeing around him unnecessarily."
"That's not true."
"I know full well that he likes to do things at his own pace, so if you're having a tough time, you can go ahead and move into the new place by yourself first"
I was pissed. Slamming my palm on the table I emphasized, "Why do you all talk about Ali like that? He really helped us out letting me stay, and has never once complained. He's never been anything but nice to me. Besides..." Courtney had turned from the kitchen and both she and Tavis were staring at me with their mouth open.
What the hell was my problem? I knew Tavis was only looking out for me, so why was I over-reacting like this? "I'm sorry for raising my voice."
"Kip?" Tavis looked concerned.
"I'm going to check out the strip mall. Look for a souvenir for Ali; see if they have any snacks special to the area. I want to try them, too."
I was out the door like a shot. Not good, not good. I was about to disturb the domestic peace. As I walked along in the balmy evening my thoughts turned to what Donnan had said the night of Ali and I's date. "Don't you find it exhausting to be with Alistor?" he had said. Well sure, he's always in the foulest of moods when he wakes up, and he's awfully full of himself, and he uses me in his boys-love novels, and other than writing novels, he's seriously incapable of doing anything else, and he's always sexually harassing me, but... I suddenly realized, he couldn't be any worse.
Shopping around I found Mountain Bars, Jones Soda, and Beecher's curds. Ali would probably like that, if not, I would eat them. I kept walking around.
Of course, I love my brother and his wife, and I think it would probably be better for me to live with family. But, why is it I feel so overwhelmingly lonely?
The apartment was too god damned quiet.
I kept the TV off; I hated everything on it. I lit a cigarette and decided I should try to work. Putting on my reading glasses I picked up my last manuscript. The words weren't making sense. I tapped the pencil in the same spot so many times I nearly wore a hole in the page.
Giving up, I threw down the papers and laid down on the couch. Taking off my glasses, I rubbed a hand over my face. For the millionth time, my conversation with Tavis played in my head. "I have no problem at all with Kip continuing to stay here, though."
"Thank you."
"Besides, think about it. You're newlyweds. He may be your little brother, but I mean..."
"It'll be fine. I'm well aware of those issues. But you know, Alistor, I want to let Kip experience what it means to have a family." It shouldn't have, but that hurt. "Our parents died when I was twenty-one. I was grown up, so it wasn't so bad for me, but Kip was just thirteen at the time. That kid still thinks, to this day, that our parents died because of him. If only he hadn't asked our parents to hurry home, they wouldn't have gone speeding on the highway in heavy rain."
"What are you saying? That's..."
"...not his fault, right? He knows that's what people will tell him, so Kip never says a word about it. He's extremely averse to giving anyone cause for concern. Ever since the accident, he's been intent on not troubling others with any selfishness, and he's lived by constantly being solicitous of those around him. Even now. Even with me. So, at the very least, until Kip graduates from college and gets married, I want to keep him with me, and let him be selfish within a family setting. Courtney's agreed to it, too. I'm probably being overprotective, but you know..."
"Tavis, I..."
"I have an obligation to make Kip happy. Besides, this is something only family can do for him."
So, I will let him go. And right now, it feels like it's killing me.
"Ali? I'm about to head back that way." I called him from the airport. I got you some souvenirs, snacks and stuff."
"What are you, an idiot? What are you going all the way to Seattle to stock up on snacks?"
"What's it matter to you? I'm the one who wants to eat them." He gave a small laugh. I'm so glad. Ali's back to his usual self. "Have you been living alright this past week?"
"I tried to make a boiled egg in the microwave and the egg exploded."
"What?! Sheesh, you're unbelievable. So, are you okay? Any injuries?"
"There were injuries."
"No way! Where?"
"On the microwave. It's got egg all over it." I made a loud frustrated grumbling. "Oh, you're mad."
"Of course I am you jerk!"
"Don't worry. I'm doing fine without you here."
It couldn't have hurt less if he had punched me in the stomach. I didn't know what to do. If I hung up now, I felt like it might really be over.
I was being quiet for too long. "Kip?"
I'll try saying something that's just a little selfish. "Uh, yeah, that reminds me. You know, I'll tell you all about it when I get back," I'm sorry, "but my brother said he's coming up to San Francisco next weekend to see some real estate agents because the first place fell through. We're going to stay in Courtney's parent's guest house for a couple of weeks. It's kind of like this big pain in the ass, you know?" I know it going to end up being an imposition, but, "So, um, would it be alright if I left my stuff at your place? I mean, without me there, you're incapable of living like a proper human being, right?" Can't I stay near you, Ali? "I'm sure I'll end up coming over on a regular basis anyway." I gave an awkward laugh.
Silence.
"Uh, just kidding! What're you doing taking it all so seriously? Of course I'll take all my stuff with me. Don't you worry." Oh shit! A tear fell from my eye and I was crying just like that. I strived to stifle it. I tried to stop. "Well, I'm going to hang up now." Fuck! My voice was shaking.
"Kip, are you crying?" Was that concern in his voice?
"Like hell anyone's crying! You stupid ass! I'm hanging up."
"Kip, cancel the ticket that you've got now."
"What?" I didn't hang up after all.
"Stay at the Delta ticket desk when you cancel your ticket, I'm sending someone to you to take you to the private flights area. I'll be there in three hours."
"What?"
"Got it? I'm heading there now." He hung up.
I stood staring at my phone. What had just happened?
Three hours later I was waiting in a lounge in the private flights hanger. Ali said three hours, but...
The door to the lounge opened, and there he was. Walking over to me imperiously, he grabbed my hand and pulled me up. "Wait...Ali!"
"There's no time." He dragged me out of the lounge into the hanger.
"What's going on?"
Climbing the stairs of a small private jet, and taking him with me, the door closed behind us immediately.
"Ali, this plane..."
He pulled me against him, holding my head against his shoulder. He squeezed me so tight. "Ali, I can't breathe." He didn't loosen his hold.
"I won't hand you over. Not to Tavis or anyone. I won't let you go anywhere!" He wouldn't let go.
"Ali, there's definitely something wrong with you," I lamely offered. "Who in their right mind shows up like this? Really, I was about to come back anyway, so this was pointless."
"If I didn't come out to meet you, I felt like it might really end." I found myself holding my breath. "I'll talk to Tavis and settle things with him. You stay at my house. Also, you're not to lie in front of me. No being solicitous. And you're to ask for selfish things. There's just one thing."
"Hmm?" I couldn't speak I was so stunned.
"I honestly don't know how this warm family thing works. So, teach me what I should do."
At first, I didn't understand what he was saying, but then I realized, "My brother said something weird again, didn't he?" He let me go so that I could vent. "Oh, honestly! My brother is way too overprotective! I'm about to turn twenty, you know! I think I know what I want to do and the things I ought to do. Is he going to treat me like a kid forever?"
"Then, tell me what you want to do."
"Um...the one thing I don't want is to do anything that might inconvenience you. So, Ali, you seriously don't have to push yourself to do this."
He placed his large hand on my head. "In that case, if don't want to inconvenience me, stay by my side. What's your answer?"
"Uh...okay."
We landed not long after that. A sign on the side of the hanger read, "Lake Tahoe".
"No, wait... What?! What are we doing in Lake Tahoe?!"
With a hand on my head, he explained, "A birthday present. It's your birthday, isn't it?"
Oh my god, I can't believe he did this! A surprise trip for my birthday?!
A car was waiting for us and the drive to a cabin in a posh neighborhood wasn't that long. The driver gave Ali a key and we went inside. "What is this place?"
"It's a friend of mine's."
I barely got to take one look around the luxurious space, the sun setting through the expansive windows when Ali had me in the bedroom. In a few breaths, our clothes were off and he had me in his mouth. "Ali!" He was always taking me by surprise. And though I didn't want to admit it, I learned that most of his surprises lead to bliss. My toes curled in the carpet and I had to cling to his shoulders to stay steady. His hands were on my ass and there was something hypnotic in watching his head bob back and forth over me. I was always embarrassed to gush in his mouth, but he took it without complaint and a smile.
My legs were weak when we tumbled onto the bed. "Kip, I want you to fuck me."
My heart skittered to a halt. Did he mean that he wanted me to... enter him? He saw in my wide eyes what I was thinking. "No, not like that. Come here and get on top of me." Laying on his back, I straddled him. He helped me place his massive column in the perfect spot and I slowly eased down onto him. He threw his head back.
I didn't know what to do, I'd never been in control like this. "Fuck me," he pleaded. Unsure of myself, I began rocking my hips back and forth. Slowly at first, but with Ali's gasps I grew bolder and went faster. "Oh god! Kip! Jesus!" His joy was my incentive. Trying something new, I began swirling my hips in a circular motion. "Fuck!" Ali was writhing beneath me, griping my thighs tightly. "Oh god! Touch yourself. I want to watch you." I did it. Taking my cock in my hand I stroked up and down as he kept his eyes on me.
I tried to think of what he did to me when he was on top, and a lot of it was an in and out motion. So, wanting to replicate that, I started to move up down, sliding and sinking on his rigid sex. I had to use my free hand to brace myself against his chest. But he grabbed my hand, and he was sitting up wrapping my legs around his waist. We moved together at a break-neck pace. "Jesus fucking Christ Kip, you're irresistible!"
I clung to him, knowing for certain that this time I would explode. "You didn't have me touching you for a whole week, so are you all pent up?" he questioned in my ear, his hips grinding into mine.
I hated it when he said things like that. "No, I'm not! No way!"
He skillfully flipped me over to my back. "Really?" His hands were on either side of my head. "But I'm already at my limit; not enough Kip."
The way he was looking at me... With undeniable... I grabbed a pillow and covered my face. "No, let me see your face." He tried to loosen my grip on the pillow.
"I don't want to!"
"Let me see."
"It's embarrassing!"
"No one else can see but me."
"That's not the problem."
"Then what is it?" How was he always so understanding?
"It's embarrassing...because it's you."
"Then I'll embarrass you even more." He wrenched the pillow away and kissed me with such passion, slipping in and out of me. And his voice, low, but with a definite resonance, as he said my name. "You're the only one for me."
"Don't say that!" I was already on the verge of tears as it was, but he goes on until I was crying in earnest.
"Why not? You know you love it. And I love you. I love you. I love you..." Uttering sweet words over and over.
"You know, it's kind of late to be bringing this up, but a luxurious cabin like this and the plane tickets, I don't even have to guess. It must've been hard to get, right?"
"Well, it can be complicated." We were lying under the sheet, my back pressed to his chest. His hand on my hip.
"Complicated how?"
He didn't answer. "Why did you get this one?" His finger traced the sterling rose tattooed on my left shoulder.
"It was my mom's favorite flower."
"That's lovely." He pulled me closer.
"Have you ever thought about getting a tattoo? Ali?" And he's already asleep.
I took a deep breath in. Shampoo, lemon aftershave, and Ali smell...
The next morning, we first went to the visitor's center. I bought a guide book. "Where do you want to go, Ali?"
"Where you want to go." I swallowed through a tight throat. How does he manage to say things like that with a straight face?
Walking out of the visitor's center, I told him, "Y-you know, you said that this is my birthday present, but is it my imagination, or are you enjoying this more than me?"
"I am enjoying this. I think this might be my first time traveling outside of work."
"What about friends and stuff?"
"I have less to worry about if I'm alone."
"Or family vacations?"
"My family doesn't do that sort of thing. So, this is my first time." If that's not sad, I don't know what it.
Standing in front of him, causing him to stop walking, I announced, "Let's make memories!"
"What?" He looked surprised.
"Let's go visit all kinds of places, as many as time will allow! And we'll eat tons of good food, too. I brought my Nikon, so we can take lots of photos. I just know we're going to have great memories! I've never been to Lake Tahoe, so there are tons of places I want to see!"
"Like?"
"Fannette Island."
"Hum, sorry about this." Patting my head, he apologized, "It looks like I've caused you to be solicitous towards me again. Thank you."
I wasn't trying to be solicitous. I just thought it'd be nice if I could make Ali happy. Flipping through the guide book I asked, "Oh, but why Lake Tahoe?"
"Because I want to buy huckleberry syrup." Is he serious? "Huckleberry syrup is great. It's spectacular in cocktails. Did you know, they don't even grow here, but they have the biggest selection from all over the world!"
"I don't particularly like huckleberries."
"Not for you. I want it." Perhaps there is greater happiness to be had in living with my big brother after all. But even as he thought that, I knew it was too late.
We took so many pictures that my memory card was almost full. As the sun started to set Ali grabbed my hand as we walked along. "Ali, let go of my hand. People are looking."
"We don't know any of these people, so it's fine."
"That's not the issue."
"That is the issue," he grinned.
And I scowled. Maybe I can take credit for him being in a thoroughly good mood. I wonder if it's okay for me to feel a little smug about that?
"All kinds! Leaving with one of each kind, I'd like them all!" Our last stop was a store that sold gobs of huckleberry stuff: syrup, jam, jelly, taffy, truffles, pie filling. The staff was practically bowing to him.
With a giant box in front of him, he inquired, "Is it better to use a refrigerated delivery service?" I wonder if it's the huckleberry syrup that makes him happy after all?