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The Pain Passes, But The Beauty Remains
"This is soooo boring" I muttered to myself as I sat through science class. It was over sooner than I thought and I headed to my locker.
My friend Gina was there, along with Justin and Cory. "Hey, Dylan" Justin said. I saluted him, he laughed. Justin is big into the army, I swear, if a general ever got sick, Justin could take his place, but Justin doesnt think so. Justin looks alot older than he is, bad life experiences to thank for that. Gina, she's awesome, I think she hates herself a bit becuase shes fat, but a good person nonetheless. Cory is pretty cool, a bit shy, but a loyal friend.
Gina liked me a while back, and wanted to go out with me, I never had the heart to tell her I didnt like her, so I held it off for the longest time....but then I finally wrote her a note explaining that I dont have feelings for her and I hope we can still be friends. Oh yeah, and that im Bi, and I'd rather have a relationsip with a guy. I told her not to tell anyone, because if the school found out, that would be the end, no one would talk to me, unless its something bad to say. I'd get the shit kicked out of me everyday, and I'd never have another good day again. She's been good with that, me and her are the only ones who know. She gave me a note back saying that since it took so long she realized she didnt like me. I knew it was just a stupid crush. I dont know why I like guys more, I'm more attracted to girls, but I feel alot more comfortable with guys, everytime I talk to a girl I feel all cramped up and nervous, even if I dont like her. Prime example of societies conditioning right there....
I went to my next class, art, and sat down. I love art class, its relaxing and not hard. Mrs. Hansen walked in and sat down behind her desk. "quiet class!" no one payed attention........ "CLASS! BE QUIET!!!" she yelled. The whole class got quiet, hehe. "Please welcome a new student to our grade, his name is Jake, hes from.....blah blah blah....."is all I heard as I was staring awestruck at the sexy kid in front of me. He was wearing a black T-shirt, baggy black pants, and black shoes. He had black eyeliner on, and purple nail polish. His hair was black and and looked kind of moist, probably takes his showers in the morning like me. That may have looked "gothic" on anyone, but he had this innocent and shy look, he was so adorable.
Out of all the tables in the class, he came and sat next to me. I felt a little tug in my chest, that was excitement. "uuh...hey...." he said so quietly I could barely hear him, ooh, hes so cute, "hey" I said. "My names Dylan, your Jake, right?" His eyes lit up," yep". His shyness was slowly melting away and we were talking like friends by the end of the class. Class ended and I walked out the door talking to Jake about The Doors, OUR favorite band, how great, no one else in my school has ever even heard of The Doors, never mind like them! He's so great, I think im falling for him. Hehe. "uuh...bye" Jake said as he walked to his bus. "Hey! Jake...uummm...whats your phone number? So I can call you, and maybe you can like, come over or something". He swallowed, his eyes were big, "me?" he said, pointing to himself. "hmm...lets see, who else? yeah you! hehe" I said. A big grin spread across his face and he ran over to me. I took out a piece of paper and a pencil and gave it to him. He wrote so fast that he had to erase a few times, but he managed to get it down and gave it to me. I tore off a piece and scribbled down my number and gave that to him. "call me" we both said in unison. hehe. He blushed. He waved and ran off to his bus, I waved back.
I was so excited, I almost fell off my bike a few times as I sped home. I can't believe it, I have this cute boys phone number, and he has MINE! hehe....Then it hit me...theres a very good chance hes not gay, or even Bi.....Then my excitement stopped, and depressed took a full powershot to my gut. What if he doesnt like me? What if he just likes girls? I dont think I could settle for just being his friend...oh my god.....This sucks! But what if he is? He could be....theres always a chance.......
I opened the door and in a swift move threw off both of my shoes. I jumped on the couch and took his number out of my pocket. I dialed the number, the phone rang. "what am I going to say?" it rang again "will he be there?" it rang again "ok..ok...just settle down" it rang again, click "hello?" it was him! "uuuh hey, whats up?" I said. "Who is this???" he asked. Arrrgh, duh! I forgot to say who it is hehe. "hey, its Dylan, remember me?" "OH! hey Dylan!" So then we talked for a while about school, music, and movies we like, we talked for, I'd say, a good 2 and a half hours. Ok, here it goes....."hey, Jake" "yeah?" "wanna come over" "uuh, Yeah!" I felt that same tug in my chest, the excitement "mmm, ok, wanna come over, uuh, saturday?" Its friday "Ok, sure! thats great, uuhh, see ya then!" click. He hung up. Wow this is so cool, hes coming over. I went to the kitchen to get something to eat, hehe, I havent eaten since lunch at school, and its around 5. I sat down and watched Scarface, with Al Pacino. Awesome movie. About half way through it I heard my dad's Cadillac pull up. I didnt have a mom, she died when I was 13, from drinking vodka with gatorade.
See, gatorade is made to give your internal organs water, but mixing it with vodka, pressed the vodka into your internal organs, as well as your liver. And she abused this for only a year, and her liver failed, and she had to go to the hospital, go on dialisis every few days. And 3 months later, she died. He walked through the door, "Hey Dylan, What's up?" "nothin'. Hey, my friend Jake, is coming over on saturday, is that alright?", "Sure" He's always cool about things, he never really had alot of freedoms when he was a kid, so he lets me have alot. I watched the rest of the movie with my dad, and when it was over, we ate supper, then I went to bed.
I layed there in my dark room, I was wide awake. I couldnt go to sleep. I was so excited about tomorrow! Jake's coming over! I cant wait! I decided to get some warm milk to go to sleep, that might work. I went downstairs, walked over to the fridge and opened the door. The jug of milk was betweem the carton of orange juice and the apple juice. I grabbed a coffee cup from the cupboard and set it on the table. I poured the milk in, and put it in the microwave for about a minute. "wow, this is gonna be so cool, I cant wait, I cant remember the last time I was this excited." BEEP BEEP BBEEEEEEP The microwave was done with my milk. I took it out with caution, I wasnt sure how hot it would be, it was pretty warm, but not too warm to drink. I sat down on a chair in the living room, and moved it towards the window. I looked out at the cool night, the wet street from the rain earlier, the wind stirring the leaves in the trees, no cars going by, everything peaceful. I sighed, and went back to bed.
I woke up. The first thought in my head was Jake. His perfect lips.....little, smooth hands....silky hair....tight little butt....woops, caught myself starting to think naughty thoughts hehe, feels good. My dick was agreeing too, morning wood haunting me, hehe. I never really liked to get off in the morning, it just didnt feel right. So I got up and went into the shower, still thinking about Jake. I grabbed some conditioner and put a generous squirt in my hand, and starting stroking my dick, it felt soo good, the gentle strokes of my hand, my fingers sliding over my shaft....but I soon lost interest and finished up my shower. I went downstairs and got myself some toast and orange juice, didnt really feel like eating a whole lot this morning, I wanted some coffee, but I gave that up, stuff's bad for you, plus it didnt help, it gave me a short energy boost, then I was tired for the rest of the day, without the coffee I have steady energy throughout the day, so I kicked the coffee, even though its nice to have in the morning. I looked at the clock, 9:02 AM. Jake said he'd be here at around 10:30. So I had some time to spare. I finished my breakfast, and decided to go for a walk. All kinds of thoughts passed through my head, "is Jake gay? Bi? even if he is....will he like me?" all kinds of things along that line. But then I came to the park, and sat down and watched the ducks in the pond, all of those thoughts, gently went away. My mind became clear, and I relaxed. The sun was pretty bright, and it was perfect out, not hot, but a nice warm feeling. It was really nice.
I decided to head back to the house, and when I got back I looked at the clock, 10:07 AM. Cool, I was out for about an hour. I only have half an hour to wait before Jake gets here. I flopped down on the couch and turned on the TV. I really wasnt paying attention to what was on, some show about politics or something like that, I try to stay away from politics. The time I was zoning out at the TV seemed to fly by, before I knew it, 10:30 had arrived. I jumped up from the couch and turned off the TV. I looked out the window and stayed there, searching for any sign of Jake. With every car that passed by, my hopes kept rising, and fading, and rising again. Then finally, a red minivan pulled into the driveway, and guess who steps out. I ran and flew out the door to meet Jake. He had a huge smile on his face. I had a huge smile on my face too. "Hey! Jake! Ive been waiting all day for you!" He just smiled, and blushed a bit. A lady with brown hair and an overcoat stepped out, his mother. "hi, im Jake's mom, nice to meet you" she put out her hand and I shook it. "I'm so glad Jake has found a friend, hes a good boy, but very shy, and hes afraid to talk to people" Jake put his head down to hide his blushing. I didnt know what to say, so I didnt say anything. ".....Jake got picked on and beaten up alot at his other school because........" "MOM!" Jake exclaimed, he looked hurt. "......oh, im sorry Jake, I guess I said a little too much, sorry honey" she kissed him on his forehead and got back into the van. She waved goodbye as she pulled out. The second she pulled out of view Jake looked back at me with that same beautiful smile, he's so cute. "c'mon Jake, lets go inside." I said, leading him into the house. I brought him up to my room, and sat down on my bed. He looked around with a dazed look on his face. Then he saw my DVD collection, "cool! you have some good ones in here......." He leaned over and looked through the movies, his beautiful ass in the air, I looked at it without any shame at all. It's not like anyones watching me hehe.
We sat around for a while and watched some movies, then he finally came over to the bed, and sat with me. I layed out on the bed with my arms behind my head, relaxed. Jake seemed a bit nervous, I guess his mom wasnt kidding when she said he's shy.....I wonder what she was talking about after that though, him being picked on and beaten up, I don't see how anyone could even want to hurt this beautiful boy.....then, Jake layed down too. His whole face lit up bright red, mine must have too hehe. This is nice....
I looked over at his neck, I wanted to kiss it so bad, he is by far, the most delicate and beautiful......sigh I just can't believe he's laying here, NEXT TO ME!!! hehe. I closed my eyes for a moment, and opened them. I felt complete. Having him next to me laying there. All those nights I fell asleep, alone. It felt like there was a piece missing, now I know what that piece was, I needed Jake. Jake is my missing piece to the puzzle, Jake is part of me....The entire idea of Jake being straight had left me by now. I didn't care. This is my happiness, this is my moment, this is my time, nothing is going to ruin this. This is for me.
I was so lost in my daydream, that I didn't even notice that Jake had layed his head on my arm. The whole idea of him being that close to me was in my mind for so long, that I didnt know how to take it. I freaked. I whipped me body away from him, and stared at him wide eyed. He looked very hurt, he looked like I had just said something very....very.....evil to him. A film of water came over his eyes. Then it came, the tears just ran down his face. Not tears of joy, the ones ive dreamed of, but tears of pain.
He got up, wiping tears from his eyes, "Dylan, I'm gay! there it is, I'm gay! I can't help what I feel. The second I saw you in the art room, I fell in love with you, you're so beautiful. I love you Dylan, I love you......I love everything about you, from your looks to your personality. Everything is so cool about you, the way you talk, its so carefree, you seem like you'd accept anything, and you've said it yourself....I wanted to tell you....so badly, but I couldnt.....I couldnt stand the thought of you leaving me! Never talking to me again! That's something I cant live with." He was hysterical, his eyes now steadily flowing. He kept trying to hold the tears back, but he couldnt. His feelings were alot stronger than his hold over them. They broke free. "Dylan....." He whispered softly, but then he fell on the floor, and crawled over to a corner and huddled up in it. He looked as if he was hiding from me, I saw his hands in front of him, shaking.
My eyes were tearing up now, and every now and then a tear would escape. sigh even in that state of sorrow and pain, he was beautiful. Now it hit me, this is what his mother was talking about, the kids were picking on him and beating him up because they found out he was gay. It's beyond me how they found out, but I didn't want to ask him. I'm sure he didn't want to talk about it, especially now. People don't understand how hard that is. Me being bisexual, I can see both points of views. Loving someone, and not being able to tell them, that hurts so bad, I can't even explain that. I can see, that straight people feel uncomfortable around gay people, picking on them is their own protection against not knowing how to act, then others follow and they just do it, because its what everyone else does. The fact that gays are looked down on and are the butt of every joke doesnt help either. I can understand that straight people feel nervous around gay people, but that is NO reason to treat them like shit, and make their lives miserable. This world doesnt seem to know that, they cant seem to see it, and grasp it. The world is a long way from peace. How can peace come, if things like this, racism, ect.... still exist?
I slowly moved closer to him. I sat next to him. I gazed at his beauty. "here...." I grabbed a picture of Jim Morrison out of my drawer, it was of him looking at the crowd, undoubtedly stoned. He looked real cool hehe. "Look at this, this is a picture of the singer of your favorite band, he doesnt judge, hell, he explores everything in life, and accepts it with open arms. He is also the singer of my favorite band. If its one thing Jim Morrison taught me, it's that nothing is wrong, it's all part of life."
He looked a bit better now, but he put his head back into his arms.
I put my arms around him, and held him close. Then it happened. I softly kissed his head. He looked up, confused. I brought my forehead against his and stared deeply and lovingly into his eyes, "Jake.....I Love You." Then our lips met. This is by far, the most beautiful, and happiest moment of my life. His breathing got heavy, I felt that tug in my chest again. Those tears of pain, became tears of happiness.
Moments of pain and hardship make those beautiful moments all the more worthile, and more special. If we didnt have the pain, we would take those good moments for granted, and they wouldnt be as special.
I picked him up and layed him on my bed. Our lips never left for a moment. Hehe. I put my hands behind his back and held him on the bed. Our lips moving against each other, a beautiful ceremony of love. We stopped kissing, and just layed on the bed, staring into each others eyes, still red from crying. I reach out and touched his face. His skin, so soft and smooth. He mouthed "I love you". I mouthed, "I love you too, Jake." We were beyond words, our souls connected, this was a moment when words were not needed, our bodies and feelings expressed all that needed to be.
He hugged me tightly, "I'm so glad I met you, I love you so much.....I love you.....hehe, I'll never get tired of saying that." he said. "Those are words with so much feeling, that they can't be worn out." I said, finally feeling complete.