Thanks to the many of you who have written. If you're not a writer, then maybe you can't understand how it feels to get an email from someone who can relate to something you wrote, or that they can't wait for the next chapter.
Anyway, I'm posting this chapter along with chapter 12 to get to the next section where Alex finds that "someone special," so don't give up the story if you find this one a bit tedious.
I also want to encourage you to make a donation to the archive. I've been blown away by the patient help they've provided to me in posting this and my other story. If you haven't already read Almost Straight posted in May 2012 in the Relationship section of the Archive, please do so (although you may want to wait until this tale is finished to do so because it's the story of what happens to Phil and his religion while at college when he figures out that he doesn't have to stop being a Christian to be true to his real self.
Tyler
P.S. Keep sending those emails
Chapter 13
Phil was standing by the doorway of his room looking like he'd been had when I came storming back the hallway. He's the one who had sent Aaron -- told him to do whatever he had to, to get my attention.
"Why'd you do that? I was almost into the next level when Thing Two goes and stands right in front of the TV screen."
"Dude, you so don't hear anyone when you're gaming. You know how mom gets when she expects something done, and I like told you three times. You even said `I'll be right there."
"You did not just talk to me. No one even came into the room before Aaron showed up." His rolling eyes told me differently.
"At least now you know what I have to put up with all the time," he told me when he saw my sour mood. "Welcome to my world, bud."
We began to put the room in order, I suppose, so that we could find enough of the floor to make it worthwhile getting out the vacuum cleaner. He must have seen our forced time together as opportunity to share his faith -- again -- because he started talking about his camp experience -- again.
"You know when things really started to turn around for me?"
"At camp," I told him in my best sarcastic voice. "You're bruiser bud told you about his grandma's letters and you followed his lead `cause you were afraid of ticking him off."
"I'm doing it again, aren't I?"
"Yup"
"I just want you to know what it's like to have all the pressure lifted off your shoulders. Sorry. Mom always tells me `you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink.' Guess you're the horse she's talkin' about, huh?"
"Nei-ei-eigh," I belted out. When we were done wrestling, the room looked like we hadn't even started cleaning it up.
"Alex?"
I looked up.
"Do you remember the first day that Casey came over to talk to you at your locker in school?"
"Yeah?"
"That was really hard for me, because as soon as I saw him checkin' you out, I knew what he wanted. I guess I freaked about it because I was afraid he'd just try to use you like he did me... and maybe you'd get hooked doing drugs, or alcohol.
"You know what's really weird, though," he continued. I wasn't looking at Phil, but I was listening.
"Sometimes I think I'm crazy because of it, but even though I was scared for you, I guess I was actually a little jealous too. Seeing him hitting on you brought back so many memories. I know it's wrong, but sometimes I miss the things we did together."
Phil was finally talking about something I could relate to. And even though he was talking about Casey, he was talking about guys. I decided it was my turn to talk, forcing Phil to "practice" what he just told me about him not getting bent out of shape when something didn't go the right way, `cause I don't think me totally changing the subject was what he was expecting. I think he was hoping that after explaining how much his life had changed since he became a Christian, I would want that too. It's not that I'm opposed to becoming a Christian, it's just that according to what Phil says, God doesn't do "gay," even if you're committed to each other. I didn't feel like going there with him so I just completely changed the subject.
"Just because Casey's a jerk," I told him, "doesn't mean there's not someone out there that's right for me." Then, staring at the laundry pile, I asked "Phil? Did you like... like ever have an STD?"
"A-a-ah... They told me I had gonorrhea in my throat, when I got my physical before camp."
"Did you feel anything when you had it? I mean did you know you had it before they told you?"
"Not really, why?"
"I was just wondering, because the doctor in the ER told me that I had to get tested in two weeks to see if I got anything at the party. That's this coming Saturday. Do you think I could have gotten AIDS? It kinda freaks me to think about it."
Phil looked at me with one of those looks. I couldn't tell if it was a "you're an idiot," or an "I feel your pain" look. "I'm never gonna get so drunk at a party again that I do something as stupid as what I did that time. Sometimes I'm scared that God'll give me AIDS because I'm gay."
"God doesn't give people AIDS," Phil blurted out before the words had totally cleared my lips. "He's not like `out there' somewhere waiting to make people sick if they get out of line. God loves everyone in the world so much that he sent his son Jesus to earth so we could be good enough to be with him forever if we believe and give our life to him. He came to forgive people when they mess up if they'll ask him."
His supposition caught me by surprise, actually, but it didn't fit my understanding of religion. "If God is supposed to love everyone, then why does he let so many bad things happen to people?"
"I wish my Youth Pastor was here to help me out with this one, but they tell us at Youth Group that sometimes, bad things happen because we don't make good choices."
"Like being gay," I snarled, thinking that's what he meant by making bad choices. "In case you're interested, I didn't choose to be this way."
"That's not what I mean. ... I mean, not really... I mean..." Phil stumbled a bit but then found the words he must have been looking for. "Look, it's not wrong to be... to like guys like that; that's not the point."
"So what is the point then?"
"The point is just that it's wrong when you like, you know, do stuff the bible says only married people should do. I mean it's the same way with hetero guys. God says we should be married before we do that stuff. It's like his way of protecting people from getting diseases."
"There's other ways to keep from getting diseases. That's why I said I'm never gonna party and get so drunk that I do something stupid again."
"Jesus'd help you if you let him."
I just sort of scowled at Phil.
"I just did it again, didn't I?"