Guys,
Thanks so much to those who have taken time to drop a line to me. I enjoy getting to know a little bit about you, and in some cases, how my tale relates to your life. Keep writing.
As I have mentioned before, the ink from my pen never dries, so I'm open to ideas. Even though the story was written in its entirety before I started posting it, I'm considering a revision for the ending.
As always, I want to remind you to consider making a donation to the Archive to keep it functioning efficiently.
Tyler
tyleradamsbooks@yahoo.com
Chapter 15
The next morning before Eduardo showed up for homeroom, I was nervous as could be, wondering if he'd even remember me from yesterday. When he walked into the room, first thing he did was find my hopeful eyes and break into a huge smile. All the breath was sucked out of my lungs. I heard Phil chuckle and briefly glanced over at him.
"Relax," Phil mouthed to me. Like that was gonna help.
Mrs. Reese, our homeroom teacher liked to keep everything orderly as possible, which meant adjusting seat assignments to keep everyone in alphabetical order.
"Row three starting with Austin Hershey, please move back one seat. I couldn't believe it. Eddie was assigned to the chair directly behind me in homeroom, which is directly across from Phil. How cool was fate for putting our names in that kind of alphabetical order."
Eduardo bumped my fist and sat down.
Immediately, the three of us were chattering like squirrels, making plans to take in the sights of Quaker Hills this coming weekend. I don't think Eddie had a clue about how different our school was from the big city school he came from, because he kept touching me when he made a point about something. Eddie just gave an irritated "What!" look in her direction when Bethany Hillis' squealed "ooooou!" like a stuck pig, and then added "You two are dis-gusting," before spinning around in her seat to tell Cassie Irwin what she had seen.
Why can't people just mind their own business? Next time I looked up, I saw Cody Gainer looking straight at me and Eddie. I wonder what he had heard by the time the news reached his ears, three rows over, and four seats forward.
Phil waited for me to stop shooting daggers at Cody with my eyes, and refocused us on what we had been discussing.
"You want to start the weekend by going to the skate park Friday after school? I've got an extra board and helmet."
"Awesome!" Eddie gushed. "I watched those guys on the X-games do the half-pipe. Do they have a half-pipe at the park?"
"Yeah, but you'd better try flat ground first," Phil chuckled.
Friday after school, Eddie produced a note from his mom that allowed him to ride the bus to my house. We were just going to "kill some time" while Phil was doing his chores.
"I didn't know you had that?" I told him as we climbed aboard and he handed Mrs. Yoder the note. He gave me a sly wiggle of his eyebrows and whispered "That's because I wrote it like when I was in las' period today, cachas."
"Dude, cut with the Spanish, man; I'm taking German. What's that mean anyway."
"It means I think you're one freakin' hot cachas. As in: I like what I see."
I felt my face getting so red.
Phil was already seated so we made a game of trying to cram all three of us onto one bench, instead of sitting two to a seat like all the other middle and high schoolers. Phil was at the window, Eddie was on the aisle, and they were squishing me in the middle. That lasted until the first bus stop, when Mrs. Yoder stood up and threatened to "take away Eddie's privilege of riding the bus" if we didn't stop carrying on immediately, and sit two to a bench. Since Eddie was the one on the aisle, he's the one who had to move front three rows.
I was majorly embarrassed, because of what Eddie and I were doing, when the doorbell rang at four o'clock. I just thought me and Eddie would hang out and play some X-box or something until Phil joined us. He had other ideas. We were definitely, as he pronounced it with his Latino accent, "boyfrens'."
I kept pulling up the neckband of my tee shirt trying to cover where Eddie's lips had been latched on to my collar bone a minute ago. Phil kind of chuckled when he saw what I was trying to hide, even though I don't think – well, I'm pretty sure I know he thinks we shouldn't be doing stuff like that.
"Looks like I got here just in time. You sure he's not a vampire?"
"Wanna fin' out for yourself," Eddie asked with a leer?
"No thanks. I just don't want to lose my pal to the darkness."
Eddie looked at the deck Phil had in his hand and asked if that was going to be his. Phil responded by holding it and a helmet out to him.
"You have extra knee and elbow pads," Phil asked me? "The brats stole mine."
I think the three of us are really gonna get to be good friends. That is, as long as Phil doesn't get hung up on the fact that Eddie and me are already more than just friends. He laughed at me when I called him cachas and told me I was using the word wrong. I don't really care about that, but he is smokin' hot – Eddie, I mean. Phil's cute, but Eddie... Whoa!
At the park, Eddie put one foot on the skateboard and asked "Like this?" as he shoved off. Wow, if he's never skateboarded before, he's sure got a ton of natural talent.
By the time his mom was waiting for him in the parking lot at five forty-five, he was already starting to get the hang of doing an Ollie. That was amazing, because I remember working on it for months before ever hitting it once, and he looked like he'd have it down by the next time out. He is so awesome. I can't believe we found each other on his first day in our school. I didn't even have to waste time crushing on him, wondering if he was into guys.
I had to laugh when Phil came out of his house Friday night. We were sitting in his driveway in Eddie's mom's pearl white Cadillac Escalade. It was complete with a huge sub-woofer that had to've made the ground thump outside the car. I don't think Phil was sure it was us at first. Eddie's dad had the windows blacked out, so he couldn't really see inside. I saw him look at the wheels of the car before he climbed in, too. They were awesome. Eddie said they were phat, but I informed him that no one at Quaker Hills uses that word. Anyway, they were the kind of wheels that keep spinning after you stop the car and then don't spin when you take off again. He told us his dad spent over six grand on the wheels and tires. They must be totally loaded to spend that kind of money on extras.
We drove around town for a while to show off to anyone who would notice us in our tricked out ride, and then parked in front of Thelma's Angel Hair Salon. Man, does that stuff they use on women's hair stink.
Not really knowing what to do, we just walked around for an hour or so, laughing, and having a good time.
"Let's get some pizza," Eddie said. "There's got to be a pizza shop aroun' here some place."
"There's P&Z's" I told him. "It's like halfway down the block on the other side of the square."
"Sounds good to me. How `bout you Phil, you in?"
"Absolutely."
We hadn't been to the town square yet, so when we crossed the street, and walked past the gazebo, Phil and I both noticed how Eddie seemed to take interest in what was going down inside the smallish shelter. I was just about to explain to him about the business activity that took place there when Eddie whispered something into my ear. Phil was watching us. I think he figured out what Eddie was going to do, but he just acted like he didn't when Eddie fell behind us because he slowed down to wait for him. I just grabbed his shirt sleeve and told him that Eddie said for us to go order the pizza, and that he'd meet us there.
Not able to decide between pepperoni, and sausage, Phil and I ordered a large pie of each. We also ordered two pitchers of soda, because we couldn't agree on Mountain Dew or Pepsi, either. Finding an empty booth near the front of the shop, we sat down and waited. When Eddie came strolling in the door, he had a kind of smirky grin on his smooth brown face, and slid in beside me. He looked like he wanted to kiss me – right there in the restaurant where everyone could see! I was so not ready to be that far away from the closet door so I shoved my half eaten slice of pie into his open mouth.
Phil looked a little uneasy. A couple of times I saw him crane his neck to try and look to see what was making Eddie's shirt pocket bulge. I knew the reason because Eddie had told me why he went over to the gazebo. It was kind of funny though, because it was just last week that Phil had asked me straight out if I had ever smoked pot. When I admitted to him that I had, he told me about what his stepdad did to him last summer. I couldn't believe any dad would do that, but I guess he had his reasons.
"Dad and I had been cleaning out the garage." Phil had told me that night. "I was just ready to move some trash, when dad told me to come over to where he was standing in the back corner. When I got next to him, he put a small plastic bag of something that looked like dried crumpled leaves into my hand and said `Son, I forgot I had this hidden here. You know what it is don't you?'
"He didn't even give me a chance to answer him before he opened the bag and put some of it into a rolling paper that he pulled from his shirt pocket. Lighting the end of it, he offered me a drag. I knew from the look and smell of it that it wasn't pot, but he insisted that I take a drag. It was so weird, Alex. I was like so nervous when I reached out to take it from him. Before I could touch it, though, he threw it to the floor and stamped it out.
He said his dad told him, "Phil, I know you've been down that path already, but some day it's going to happen again, just like that. You're going to have to make the same choice again. Something's going to trigger a flashback to the good old days' of getting high with your friends. ...or someone you're with is going to put that bag, or a lit joint, in your hand and say, let's get high'.
"What are you going to do, Phil?"
Phil said he was so nervous when his dad just stood there and waited to see what he'd say. "I think he just wanted me to know how hard it was gonna be when I was faced with the temptation again."
He told me he decided right then that he wasn't ever going to smoke pot again. I figured, that had to be going through his mind, when he saw Eddie duck into the gazebo, because really, that's the only reason you'd go there unless you saw your buds were hangin' out. I almost hate to do it to him, but I guess we'll soon find out if he meant what he told me, because that's what me and Eddie are planning on doing soon as we're finished with our pizza.
"Who's gonna eat the last piece," Eddie asked, looking at the lone slice remaining on the pie pan. I was so stuffed I already thought I was going to explode. We had each eaten our five slices, and that left one. Eddie actually looked like he was enjoying it as he chomped away. I wonder how he keeps his abs so flat, if he eats like that.
"Wait, I need more room" he announced before he ate the last bite. He then drained the remaining Dew from my cup and let out a monster belch before stuffing the last bite of pizza into his mouth.
"Umph oh owa eere" he laughed as he turned in the seat and stood up.
Soon as we were out the door, Phil took a chicken step in the direction to where we had parked the car, but turned and followed when Eddie and I turned in the opposite direction. He must have been thinking about losing us, because he was kind of staying behind as we walked.
"What are you guys planning on doing?" he asked after catching up with me when Eddie stopped to look at some clothes in the thrift store window.
I made a puffing gesture, bringing my hands to my lips like I was holding a reefer. Phil looked like I had just punched him in the gut.
"You didn't tell me you guys were gonna be doing that," he protested.
In the presence of Eddie, Phil's "Mr. Goody Two Shoes" act was suddenly a pain in the `you know where.' "I guess it's Adios amigos then," I told him. "You don't have to do it if it's against your religion to have a little fun."
"It's not against my religion to have fun," he firmly asserted. Then his voice tailed off a little as he gave his real reason for not wanting to join us. I had no idea what was going through his mind when I saw him suddenly shudder. "There's a part of me that does wants to do it. I'm just scared that if I do it once, I'll remember all the good times I used to have, and forget how bad things got. Alex, doing drugs is just a way for people to hide from reality."
"It's your life," I casually tossed at him knowing what he said was probably true, but at the same time, not wanting Eddie to think I wasn't cool enough to hang with.
"I guess I'll be seein' you guys," Phil told us. I think he was still hoping Eddie and I would change our mind because he wasn't moving.
"Where you goin', man?" Eddie asked, turning away from the shop window. "I got us a little happy weed to share."
"I'm a recovering addict," Phil explained to Eddie, his head hanging toward the pavement he was staring at.
"You can't get addicted to this stuff," Eddie explained, pulling the top of the baggie above the edge of his pocket. "It'll jus' mellows you out a little."
If the thought of smoking a little dope wasn't enough to make up Phil's mind, Eddie's next move was. I stood and watched, first in uncomprehending shock, then in outrage. ...Then, with a sinking, heavy, knot in my stomach.
"I was hoping to get a little tas'e of this," he announced as he locked his left hand behind Phil's neck and pulled him toward his lips. I couldn't tell exactly where his other hand landed, but judging by the way Phil jerked his waist back, I had a pretty good guess. He looked panicky, but he didn't seem to be able to move a muscle. I felt sick as Eddie pulled Phil's neck forward.
"What are you doing?!?!" I finally managed to blurt out, not so much for Phil's sake as for my own.
At the last possible moment, Phil squirmed out of Eddie's grip before their lips could collide, squawking "Leave me alone, jerk!"
"Alex tol' me you and his ex used to be pretty tight. I jus' din't want you to feel left out. I noticed you been checking me out sometimes, too. You like what you see," he asked, grasping himself obscenely.
Phil looked like he didn't have a clue as to what he should do, and I was totally furious. "What are you doing?" I almost scream whispered.
"What?" Eddie asked like he hadn't a clue what I was mad about.
"In case you forgot, I'm standing here."
"And your point is?"
"My point is: Hello-o?!? I'm standing here. I thought we were boyfriends. – so I'm wondering why you're disrespecting me by hitting on him?"
Eddie didn't look to me like he quite comprehended what I was saying or something so I scrambled in my mind to figure out something else to say. "I mean, like... Why do you have to disrespect him by trying to get him to go against his morals?"
"I'm not disrespecting you," Eddie shot off before I had finished. "It's not like we're married or something. I was trying to get him to loosen up a little. Jus' because he acts all holy on the outside doesn't mean he don't wan' to have a little fun on the inside. Geeze, lighten up a little."
Eddie reluctantly turned back toward Phil, who looked really shaken by the whole turn of things. "Sorry, man. I guess I kine've got carried away."
"Look, I... I better be going. I have to get up early tomorrow to do some stuff."
That's weird, I thought to myself. This morning Phil told me he got permission to stay out past his usual eleven o'clock curfew.
Eddie's tongue snaking across his upper lip seemed like it made Phil even more nervous – like he was changing his mind. "This should be interesting," I thought to myself. For a moment I actually thought Phil was going to change his mind and join us. It was like he was getting zombie-ized just by being near Eddie. Sweat was breaking out on his face even though it was like near freezing outside. I watched in silence as Phil's sweatshirt sleeve merged with his cheek and the large tear that had just fallen from the corner of his eye just before he turned and sprinted away from us.
I didn't even have time to tell him that I disapproved of the way my lover had treated him. I mean he is my best friend – Phil that is. It was one of those colossal brain battles in my mind. I really did want to tell Phil what I thought, but my mouth was now fully involved in some other activity. Just like that, I forgot about what had just happened and began thinking about what was happening.
Saturday afternoon Phil was at my door asking if I wanted to go to the park. He rarely ever ventured into my bedroom, but today, seeing no sign of Eddie's presence, I guess he figured it was safe.
"So, did you guys do it last night?"
I couldn't have been more shocked by his question, and my face must have told him more than I wanted him to know.
"I meant did you smoke the pot, Dufus. I was so not asking if you did `that'," he explained, clearly embarrassed that I had thought he was asking about the other activity that we had engaged in after he parted company us.
"Yes, and ye..." I started telling him before he hastily cut me off.
"Look, Alex, I want to be your friend. ...be both of your friend. But I'm not going to hang around if you guys are going to be telling me about your private life. ...or worse, try to get me to join you. It's hard enough for me to keep my faith without you filling my brain with live porn every time I ask about how your night was."
I felt about as big as an ant. I knew where he stood. I knew about his past and the fact that he still had some issues he was working out. But that was the first time I think I realized that my wanting to share the "nitty gritty" with him was the same to him as his spouting off about religion was to me. Both were something the other wanted to avoid, and without both of us respecting the other's wishes we were not going to be very good friends.
"I guess I appreciate that you've been pretty good with not talking about God all the time," I sheepishly told him. "Ever since I gave you that one big chance to sell me on religion you haven't said another word about it. Now I guess I can see now how hard it must be for you not to talk about something that means so much to you. It's like I can't be with Eddie enough to satisfy me. I'm pretty much a basket case, huh?"
"You said it," he quipped as if it was sweet revenge for him – me getting a taste of my own medicine. "Make a deal?" Phil asked.
"What?"
"This," he said as he landed a solid punch to my left shoulder. "Any time one of us starts to say something, we remind each other." I can't believe he was so stupid to follow up that proposal with "Let God be our witness." He knew what he had said, too; but it was too late – he just stood there and took it like a man.
"Time out?" Phil timidly asked, then without waiting for my answer, he opened up. "You know when Eddie was trying to get me to join you guys and I like spaced out and then like my whole body jerked?"
"I was wondering about that," I answered.
"I still don't understand why God doesn't completely change me."
I hauled off and slugged him the arm.
"Ouch! I called time," he complained.
"I forgot"
"Ed was right about what he said – only it wasn't just the drug part. It was like when he tried to get me to give in, all I could think about was when I was with Casey. There's an old barn near where we were. That's where I... Oh, god. Alex, promise you won't ever tell anyone," Phil pleaded."
I held out my fist and he tapped it.
"Oh my god, Alex, that's where we did it the first time. I'm so ashamed of what we did, because it was wrong, but Eddie made me remember it."
Phil was near tears now and I put my hand on his shoulder. He flinched a little but didn't duck away from my touch. "Sometimes I miss him so much, Alex. When Eddie tried to kiss me, I had like a flashback or something." A huge tear rolled down my best friend's cheek and dropped off his chin making a dark circle on his tee. "We did our first line of crank in that barn too – me and Casey. I don't think he liked it, but what he did to me after we were high is like a huge magnet pulling me back. When I jerked like that, it was like the ice crystals were hitting my sinuses for the first time all over again. I'll never forget what it was like being with him that night. That stuff makes you go crazy, and last night it was like I wanted to just tell God to turn around for a while so I could do it again. I knew if I stayed with you guys I wasn't going to stop, and that I'd probably regret it later. I'm not telling you it's necessarily wrong. For you and Eddie maybe it's totally right, but I just can't do that to God after all he's done for me."
"I'm definitely missing something here. I mean, I understand about God not liking homos, it's just that I don't understand why you think you have to be straight if you still get tempted by guys. And by the way, Bethany Carper is totally out of your league. Don't think I didn't notice you hitting on her in the cafeteria."
Phil got quiet like he was embarrassed that I had caught him. "She asked me to be her escort for the homecoming court. She goes to my church."
"Oh my gosh! Are you gonna do it?"
"You think it'd be wrong?"
"Why would that be wrong? Maybe she'll kiss you and turn from an ugly faggy frog into an even uglier straight one."
"That's, kind of, the problem."
"Why do you have to make things so complicated?"
"You know how you told me that time that you weren't going to become a Christian until God made you straight?"
"Yeah... Like that was the night we decided we weren't going to talk about this stuff anymore," I said while pulling my fist back .
"I kind of feel like that too. I mean not about being a Christian, but about dating girls. I want to be Bethany's escort, but I just feel like I'd somehow be lying to her." Phil choked before finishing his thought. "Don't get the wrong idea, but I think about Eddie more than I probably should."
I felt kind of proud to have scored a guy hot enough to make Phil wonder about his religion. "Just tell her you'll do it as a favor to her, but that you're not into dating before college. ...and don't get any crazy ideas about stealing my boyfriend."
At halftime of the homecoming game, Phil looked totally out of his element walking arm in arm with Bethany. Even though I didn't really believe God would listen much to someone like me, under my breath I prayed that if it really was his will for guys like Phil to be straight, that he would take advantage of this opportunity and do it for him right now.