The Phase

The Phase Chapter 4

Phase 4

"I'm going to kill him..."

Juan Martin was pacing back and forth. The news hit my mother harder than ever. After 35 years of marriage, everything was over. My father was just abandoning us. Just like that. My mother hasn't left her room since my father called to let her know he was leaving her to be with Gato's stepfather. And then there was Juan Martin.

He's pacing back and forth and he has this look in his eyes. This look that I hadn't seen him use before. He's pissed. Beyond pissed.

"Calm down bro," I try to say.

It falls onto dead ears. He could care less. I have this feeling he's going to do something bad. It's as though all this resentment that he had was ready to come out.

"Fuck this..."

"JUAN MARTIN!"

It's pointless. He storms out of the room. He's a momma's boy. He's always been closest to my mother. There was nothing that he could do that my mother wouldn't support. And the fact that my father was so willing to hurt her had taken him over the edge.

"Let him go," Sara Sofia tells me.

"You don't get it. He's going to do something stupid."

She wasn't there when Juan Martin attacked Devin. She hadn't seen what I've seen. She hadn't really caught the rage that I'd seen.

"Everything will be OK," Sara Sofia tells me, "It's all just a phase. Dad will come to his senses and come back."

"Will it be too late?" I ask.

"Too late for who?"

"Our family."

My mother was breaking down. She was losing herself. And so was my brother. We all handled this news differently. Juan Martin was angry, Mama fell into a deep depression, I was panicking and then there was Sara Sofia. She was always the mature one. She was the one who was going to try to keep this family together. But it wasn't going to stay together.

Everything was falling apart.

Sara Sofia puts her hand on my shoulder, "Go to work. I'm going to be there for mom. She's going to be OK, JD. I don't want you worrying about this."

I knew what she was trying to do. She was trying to do what she always did. She was trying to fix this. Fix the fact that my father was leaving my mother after all these years. It was easier said than done.

~

"This is awkward..."

I walk into work and realize I'm getting stares. Liza is the person who has the balls to say something but they were all thinking the same thing. This was awkward. This was beyond awkward.

"Mind your fuckin business for once Liza," Gato states.

I'm surprised Gato was actually here on time. He usually didn't come in early specifically to piss off Elias. He was here today and he walks up to me even when I'm getting all those weird stares. He walks right to my face.

He gives me a look, "You OK?"

"I'm fine. I just----"

"You're shaking."

I hadn't noticed until he said anything. I keep replaying Sara Sofia's voice in my head. She would be OK right now. My sister was the kind of person who knew how to keep it together. Right now though everyone was looking at me like I'm some sort of victim. Raisin Bran, Liza, Juanita, Devin, and even Olivia was giving me these weird looks.

As though I was some sort of victim.

And perhaps I was.

"I'm fine."

"Come here."

`Gato...no..."

I'm trying to keep it together but Gato isn't having it. He rarely shows affection with the girls he dates. I'd seen him sit there to break some girl's heart in the coldest way possible and have the best night sleep that night. He was always cold. Always.

Except when it came to me.

"I'm fine," I try to tell him.

I don't want to be the victim right now. I don't want this kind of attention. Sure the family unit that I thought would always be there had completely fallen apart. Sure I was more confused in my life than I'd ever been. But if Sara Sofia could keep it together than I could too.

He sees right past me. He sees right through me as though I'm made of glass, "I know you. Come here. Right fuckin now..."

I take a slight step forward and before my foot even lands, Gato reaches out and pulls me into him. He hugs me. He hugs me deeply. He wasn't some soft guy. I mean all you really feel is hard muscle when you hug Gato. But somewhere in that hard muscle, there is a comfort. He doesn't give me the man hug. The man hug was what most people gave around here. The kind of hug where our arms were used to wedge between us. There were no arms. This was a heart to heart hug. So close that I could feel his heart beating. I can feel his heart literally ticking for me.

"This thing is destroying families," I tell him.

I say it as though he doesn't understand. This was his stepfather after all.

"Guess you'll have to deal with Elias now. Gonzalez already kicked me out..."

"Serious?"

"Yeah, my mom is heading to Texas..."

All of a sudden I start panicking again. I pull away from Gato and stare at him in his eyes. My heart is really racing.

"When?"

"This weekend."

"You can't go to Texas..." I state.

"It's not like I have a lot of options."

"Gato..."

Gato puts his hand on his head, "Stop looking at me like that. I was so nervous to tell you because I knew you'd look at me like this. It's going to be OK. I'll come to visit and..."

"You're leaving me!"

Gato is pausing at this moment. Clearly, he is upset. He's just as upset as me. He gives me this look and shakes his head, "Don't say it like that. I don't have a choice. We were staying with Gonzalez. We got spoiled. Now we are completely reliant on them."

"You're fucking leaving me..."

"Stop saying that. Come here."

He tries to hug me again. I know Gato. I know what he's trying to do. It's the same thing he did when I had to get my tonsils removed. He just kept hugging me as though it would make me feel better just to hug me. It was irritating. It was like he was trying to shut me up. He was trying to act like everything was OK but it wasn't.

I needed Gato. I always had. I always would.

"I NEEDED YOU NOW. More than ever."

Everything was changing. My father was gone. And now my best friend was leaving. This was something that I couldn't deal with.

"What the fuck is going on?" Olivia asks, "We have customers coming in and you two are making a scene."

"Shut the fuck up!" Gato barks at her.

"Excuse me?"

Gato was probably the only one who ever got balls enough to tell Olivia to shut the fuck up. And everyone is shocked by it. At this point, we are making a scene. Everyone's looking at me and before I notice tears are rolling out of my eyes. I had never thought there would come to a point where Gato and I would be separated. I never thought it would get so bad.

Gato is ignoring Olivia and staring at me.

"Look at me, JD," he states, "Don't trip on me. OK? If you don't think I want to stay here with you, then you're mistaken. I literally begged Gonzalez to just let me stay around for a bit. I was going to get my own place but...I just can't afford it right now."

I should be understanding. I should be. But right now I don't want to be.

"Whatever man."

"WHAT THE FUCK, JD!" Gato is apologizing, "I'm trying to be here for you."

"Enough of this," we get interrupted.

This time it isn't Olivia. This time it's Elias. He'd come out from his office and he looks pissed. We're making a scene. We're making a big scene. Here I am in the middle of the serving floor, crying while Gato is getting louder and angrier about me being pissed that he's leaving.

"Mind your business man," Gato argues.

"This is my restaurant and you're screaming at MY employee..."

Gato looks pissed. I know this all is going to blow up and I don't want him to get in trouble. I try to end this right now because I can see it escalating.

"Maybe we should just take the day off..." I suggest.

"No FUCK that," Gato states, "This asshole is literally always in our businesss. This is how I talk to my best friend. This is our relationship. You'll never understand."

"Not in my restaurant it isn't. You're not going to be arguing like an old married couple in front of my customers."

"So that's what it's about?" Gato asks.

"What?"

"You talking about us being a couple," Gato explains with an irritation in his voice, "This is all about the fact that you want to FUCK my best friend!"

Gato says it loud. He says it aggressively. He crosses a line because at that moment I look over at Olivia. She hears exactly what he's saying. And we all turn to Elias. I'm not sure what we're expecting from him. I'm kind of confused by what we get though.

We get an awkward stutter as though he's ready to deny it but then another look from Gato to Elias.

"You got some balls, after all, I did to you."

"Try to deny it," Gato explains, "I dare you. I can show your girlfriend the love letters you wrote to him when were kids. The love letters you were scared shitless to give him. The ones you still keep in the garage...for some odd reason. Maybe one day you'll be bold enough to let him see----"

I'm shocked by Gato, but shocked even more by Elias. Gato can be cruel at times to people. He can be rather heartless. But Elias always was able to hold his own with Gato. Usually at least. Until now.

Now everything took him off guard.

And the only thing he could do was address Gato.

"Get out of my restaurant," he states.

"Wait----guys----let's talk about this," I try to interrupt.

"No. Get the fuck out of my restaurant..."

"Fine. We're out..."

"We?" Elias asks.

Gato looks over at me. I'm not surprised. It was Gato. Wherever he went, I went and vice versa. So he was looking at me at this moment expecting me to leave with him. He wanted me to leave with him right now. I needed the money.

"Yeah, both of them should leave," Olivia states.

Gato gives me a look and I have no choice. I don't want to have a choice. Wherever Gato goes, I go. Period.

~

We're at the house before I know it. I walk in with Gato and as I walk in I'm surprised when I see my dad standing there. He's packing his things. Not too far away from him is my mother.

They look like they were having an important conversation. There is an uncomfortable silence when I walk in the room and see them mid-conversation. It's even more uncomfortable because I've walked in with Gato.

"Shouldn't you be at work?" my mother asks me.

"I sort...well..."

I want to talk about quitting. I guess that's what happened. I'm not quite sure honestly. Olivia sort of fired me.

"We got fired," Gato finishes covering for me before I get the chance to figure it out.

"Elias fired you?" my dad asks, "I can talk to his father. I can fix this for you boys..."

He looks at me as he says it. He has these really targeted eyes. Eyes that tell me he's struggling with this just as much as the rest of us. Eyes that tell me he wants to know how to make this any less comfortable. At this moment I'm kind of glad that Gato is here.

"Well now that me and my mother are leaving, I don't think Mr. Gonzalez is concerned about us," Elias responds.

"He has to leave."

"You can stay here," my mother interrupts.

Gato and I look at one another. Neither of us is expecting it.

"What?"

"Your father's moving out," my mother states, "We have space. Gato, you can sleep in JD's room."

"Really----this is----this is good news, right?" Gato asks.

He's excited. So excited that he has a smile on his face. He doesn't realize the mood in the room. This is unlike my mother. She was never a huge fan of Gato. A lot of people weren't. She wasn't in the right mindstate.

"It's...great..." I state.

"Everything worked out," my father responds.

My father starts walking to the door. Just like that. Just like that this was the end of a relationship that I knew all my life. And my mother was letting him. It was as though she didn't know what to say. That's when I reach over. I stop my father at that moment.

I run to my father. I can't help it. I run over to him and I stop him.

"Is it the Phase?" I ask him.

My father gives me a look, "I know this is awkward for you. I know this is hard for the family. I have to follow my heart----"

"Is this you following your heart or is this the PHASE?" I ask.

He gives me a look, "Does it matter?"

It was a good question. Regardless of whether this was the phase or not, it was all ending up in the same way. The end of my parents' marriage. I feel almost like a huge part of my life is being ripped away from me.

"Where are you going?"

"We have to get away from here," he states.

"Why?"

"People are getting really resistant about this whole phase thing. Tito and I feel like it's best to go to his reserve and be away from all this. He has a feeling that shit might hit the fan..."

"Tito?"

"That is Mr. Gonzalez's first name. That is my lover's first name, son..."

Hearing my father say this is like feeling a brick being thrown right into my chest. I have this sinking feeling.

"You're leaving us..."

I want my father to lie to me. I'm staring at him and there are tears in my eyes. My father was always my hero. The family man who worked hard for his family. He always put us first. Right now though that wasn't what was happening. Right now my father was looking at me and he hardly even saw me. He was looking right past me.

"I'll always be your father, but I have to follow my heart. I'm sorry, JD."

That's all he says.

I'm sorry.

That's it.

~

It's late that night and I'm in bed. We're watching tv. There's a guy on television talking about the Phase. That's all they talked about anymore. He's talking in a rally. There have to be thousands of people there. Thousands of people listening to this man talking about how this disease is ripping families apart. And he's completely right.

"It's worse than I thought..." he states.

"The Phase?"

"No the reaction to the phase," Gato sighs.

Gato has put a towel underneath the door and he's smoking weed in my bedroom. He'd already managed to bring some stuff. We're on the bedroom smoking. Normally my mother wouldn't allow this but she'd been locked in her room all night. I'd walked past, trying to check on her but it was nothing. She was completely heartbroken.

"Here," Gato states.

He passes me the blunt. I reject it, "I'm already high."

"Keep going," he states, "You need it. This thing with your father. This thing...man...this thing is a lot."

He had a point. I take the blunt. I'm so high that everything feels like it's in slow motion. I feel a tingling all over my body. At this point, it might be around midnight. As I'm smoking Gato lays down on my bed. He takes off his shirt and throws it in the pile next to him.

"

We are watching tv.

"It's fucking wrong, is what it is. It's not natural," I respond, "It's like brainwashing or something. Some sort of gay agenda. I hate him. He just abandoned his fucking family---."

He sighs a little bit, "Yo watch your mouth. He's still your dad..."

"No fuck him. Hope he gets the HIV----"

That's when Gato slaps me in the back of the head. He does it hard. Really hard. The kind of slap that sobers me up for a quick second.

"Goddam it, what was that for?"

"You weren't raised like that," he states, "You need to respect him."

I know what Gato is trying to say. He's trying to do what I've done with him so many times. Let him know that he's wrong in a certain situation. The problem was however that I didn't feel wrong. I felt like my father was wrong. Mr. Gonzalez was wrong.

"Regardless of what's happening," he states, "Your father has worked all his life to provide for you and your siblings. You guys are getting older now. When he walked out of that house today, you were so upset but you didn't notice something."

"What didn't I notice?"

"He was happy. He was excited," Gato explains.

"He was just fucking thinking about himself, Gato."

"But does that make him any less happy?" Gato asks, "We don't understand the Phase. We don't know anything about it. But if my stepfather could make your father happy----even if it's just for a short while, doesn't he deserve that? Doesn't your father deserve something just for himself?"

Gato looks over at me when he asks that question. He's really been thinking about this.

"You're on his side."

"I never said that."

"I got FIRED because of you and you are on his side!"

He grabs me by my shirt and pulls me close to him. Not in a violent way but it's definitely aggressive. When we were young we would play fight all the time. Gato loved proving that he was stronger than me. And he was. I'd give him that. For the most part, I accepted it. Gato was Batman. I was Robin. That's how it was. But I hated when he tried to pull this dominant thing when I was already upset about something else.

"I'm ALWAYS on your side," he states, "You're my bestfriend. You know that. All I'm saying is that I wish I had someone look at me the way that your father looked at my stepfather. That was real. To just get up and leave like that."

"That doesn't make it special. I left the fucking restaurant for you."

Gato smiles.

"Exactly. Because you are my ride or die. And I'm yours. I know you don't want to hear it but your father hasn't loved your mother for a long time----"

"Gato you are way out of fuckin line."

I get up to walk away. He's been around since we were kids. He knew a lot about my family but I didn't think he'd ever be holding the experiences he'd seen in my house against my family. I'm disappointed with him. I'm shocked and outraged. The worst part of it all is that I can't get away from him. As I move to the other side of the room Gato is right there.

"I'm sorry but you know I'm telling the truth," he explains, "Listen. People are freaking out about the Phase. There is a protest of it happening tomorrow that everyone's going to. All I'm saying is how can something that makes people so happy be so bad."

"You're only saying that because it hasn't affected you."

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

He's pissed. I don't expect it. I kind of feel bad at that moment when I see his reaction. He's taking what I said more personal than I expect.

"Gato. Stop it. You never wanted your mother with Mr. Gonzalez."

"Fuck my mother's relationship," he says, "She's a gold digger. She got with Gonzalez for his money. But the fact that you think this didn't affect me."

"How?"

"BECAUSE IT HURT YOU!" Gato explains, "Whatever hurts you, hurts me. Period."

Heairng him say that and knowing he was on my side felt good. Maybe I was stupid. Maybe I was a follower. But the thing about Gato is that I didn't regret it. I'd follow Gato anywhere. I'd follow him through any storm.

"Is that why you stayed?" I ask.

"Look at me."

"Gato----"

"LOOK."

He is right in front of me. He grabs my chin. We're standing there together. And he reaches in. He starts hugging me.

"Close your eyes. I wanna play a game."

"Gato----I'm too high for that."

"You're it," Gato states.

"What is this?" I ask, "Marco Polo."

"Like back in the day," he states, "Remember when we used to play it in the pool. You close your eyes and then you say it. So go ahead. Find me."

"Marco..."

"Polo."

He sounds far away. But I know his trick by now. I reach behind me. And as I reach behind me I feel Gato standing there behind me.

"I remember," I tell him, "You used to have me going around that pool the whole time and all the while you were always hiding right behind me."

He knew how to throw his voice. He knew how to make himself sound far away but he was never far away. He was always close behind.

That's when Gato does something he's never really done before since we've been friends. He grabs me from behind. Gato circles his hands around me. He presses his body so close up to me as he hugs me from behind. He rests his head on my shoulder.

"You remembered," he realizes, "That no matter how far I say I am, I'm never going to be far away. I'm always going to be right behind you. You need me. And I don't care who I'm with. Or what the hell is going on in my life? You be my Marco, I'll be your Polo. Whenever you need me, JD. I'm going to be there. I'm going to drop everything. Right behind you...never too far away."

I don't know why I do it but I close my eyes. He tries to move away and let the moment pass but I don't want it to yet. Feeling this comfort in a time like this means everything. Maybe that's why I grab his hands. I keep his hands there.

I'll be your Marco.

You are my Polo.

Just then the door opens. As soon as the door opens I see my brother standing there. I should have known he would try to come in here especially if he smelled weed in the hallways. He was used to walking in on us and trying to smoke with us. He had to know Gato was around and my brother looked up to Gato. He sees Gato cuddled up behind me and the look on my brother's face says that he is beyond disgusted.

"Not you too..." my brother states.

"JUAN MARTIN!"

My brother storms off. I'm pissed at him at that moment but I see Gato cut me off.

"Let me talk to him."

Gato was right. I didn't have the best relationship with Juan Martin at times. Gato had a better relationship with him.

~

I go to sleep that night and realize a little late that Gato didn't sleep in the room with me. When I walk into the kitchen I can see him sitting there. He's talking to Sara Sofia.

"Are you saying that I don't look good in this outfit?"

"Pretty much."

"You are so conceited, Gato."

"What? I just think your clothes would look a LOT better on my bedroom floor," he bites his lips.

I watch Sara Sofia flush. Gato was the king of pick up lines as though this was the 90s or something. And the thing is the Casanova thing worked. The fact that he has Sara Sofia turn into a little girl in a matter of seconds just shows the kind of person Gato was.

He was a womanizer. And he was DAMN good at it.

"Sorry to interrupt whatever the hell that was," I state, actually quite happy to walk in before Sara Sofia started to fall in love with Gato all over again, "Where's Juan Martin?"

"Took off last night," Gato explains, "He was pissed."

"What happened?" Sara Sofia asks.

"He saw me hugging JD and I guess he thought we were going through the Phase."

Gato starts laughing. He's laughing extra hard as though it was the funniest thing in the world. He's laughing as though it were impossible. Sara Sofia and I exchange looks. I try to force a laugh but it comes out half-hazard. Thankfully Gato was too amused himself to notice. Sara Sofia wasn't though. She looked curious if anything.

"Just----a hug?" Sara Sofia asks.

Gato is clueless, "Right. As though I am not allowed to hug my fucking best friend in the whole world. Stupid right?"

"If it's so stupid then why didn't you sleep in the room?" I ask.

It was kind of weird that Gato didn't come back to the room after chasing after my little brother.

Gato shrugs, "I guess I didn't want him to come back and think I'm in the room with my dick up your ass or something."

Gato laughs again. He really thinks this all is funny.

But it's awkward to me. It's uncomfortable. I'd told Sara Sofia that I had a weird feeling around Gato before. I told her that I had a feeling I couldn't understand.

Just at that moment, the doorbell rings.

"Expecting someone?" Sara Sofia asks.

I shake my head, "It's probably Juan Martin."

"Knocking?"

I shrug. I am assuming he lost his keys or something. He's been going through a lot. Seeing my mother hurt like that is definitely taking a toll on him. Maybe that's why I go to the door. I'm expecting to see him probably still pissed from seeing me and Gato last night.

That isn't the case though.

Two men in white suits were standing there.

"Hello?"

I'm confused, "Can I help you?"

"We got reports that this house may be infected?"

They have no emotion. No real reaction to this. It's like they were just stating facts.

"I'm sorry, infected with what?"

"The Phase?"

"Listen my father isn't here..."

"We're looking for a Juan Diego..."

"That's me..."

"Your brother reported that you were possibly infected. We'd like you to come with us. And get tested..."

"Excuse me?" I ask.

My heart is racing at that moment.

"What's happening here?" the voice of Gato comes to the door to ask.

"These----people----want me to go with them. To get tested. Fucking Juan Martin----"

"You don't have to go..."

"Actually he does," the man in the white suit now, "Haven't you heard. There are new laws. The Senate signed it into effect this morning. And if you test positive you are going to be taken to quarantine...away from your family..."

Fuck...

Oh. Fuck.

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