Nifty rules apply as always
This is the second and final part of the story. The next one in the series is "Nathaniel and Zack's story".
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Johnnie and Will's Story
I Want to Die - by Will
It had been weeks since the Squadron had lost a pilot so I suppose I worried less about Johnnie when he had to fly. I had seen the Spits returning late afternoon and was eagerly awaiting the arrival of my lover. It hardly seemed possible we had been lovers for nearly a year and as far as we knew no one had a clue that we were anything other than very close friends. I was nineteen now and studying accountancy. I could walk short distances without my sticks and was getting better all the time. Everyone knew it was down to Johnnie so the fact that I loved him was no surprise to my parents, they just didn't know it was a sexual thing.
The pilots started to filter in and I could feel the change in atmosphere from the last few weeks. I guessed they had lost a pilot, I wasn't worried, Johnnie was one of the best, he wouldn't get shot down. Then I caught sight of the sergeant that was Johnnie's wingman but he wouldn't look at me. I knew. The tears had started to form as I reached him.
I begged him, "Tell me it isn't Johnnie, please tell me it isn't."
"I'm sorry Will, we were jumped low level. I was shot up but staggered back. Johnnie ploughed in. His kite exploded almost as soon as it hit the ground. I'm sure he won't have felt a thing."
I just screamed. "Noooooooo, he can't be dead, I love him so much."
It was two days before I came round. As soon as I was aware I burst into tears again. Mum was sat by my bed. I almost screamed at her.
"Please tell me it isn't true, tell me Johnnie isn't dead. Oh God Mum, please tell me he's alive. I love him so much, I won't live without him."
Collapse again when my Mother's look told me he was dead.
I was delirious for weeks. No fancy drugs in those days so I had to mend myself. I did, sort of. I wouldn't walk again. I grew into myself and remained in my wheelchair. Dad would take me down to the bar but I sat, almost like a vegetable not talking to anyone. I am sure now that they all realised my love for Johnnie was something unusual, but not what, homosexuality was just not an issue in those days. It got so depressing for all the pilots that I eventually was left in my room while the pub was open.
Mum told me that they all asked after me every time they were in but I wasn't interested. I wasn't interested in anything. I cried a lot, I lost weight. I lost the will to live. My world had collapsed with Johnnie's death.
The Squadron moved to France following the allied advance, so the pub became very quiet. I didn't mind, I didn't want to see all those light blue uniforms anyway. I started to sit in the bar again in the evenings just so that Mum could keep an eye on me really. I was a bit suicidal, I just didn't know how to do anything about killing myself.
Christmas night 1944 I got drunk and Mum and Dad found out the truth about Johnnie and my relationship. They weren't shocked, I think they had probably guessed but blanked it until I actually told them we were lovers.
They tried all the old psycho babble, you know, "What would Johnnie think if he saw you like this? Don't you think he would want you to get on and have a good life ?"etc.
I didn't listen really I just slid off into my own world remembering all the wonderful times Johnnie had made love to me. The tenderness, the caring, the love and devotion that flowed from him to me, the delicacy of his touch, almost as though I was a rare piece of porcelain, everything he did to me or for me was magical.
The war ended, the celebrations went on, seemingly forever and I fell into an even deeper depression. The squadron had gone to France following our troops and the change for the village was them returning. I wouldn't go down to the bar when they were in. I didn't want to see those light blue uniforms and be reminded of my loss.
I guess it must have been about a month after the war ended, Dad came to my room one evening quite early.
"I'm taking you down to the bar. There's a Flight Lieutenant down there wants a word with you."
"I'm not going, I don't want to talk to any of them. They are alive and my Johnnie is dead, I don't want to see them."
"Well you are going to see this one and you are going to thank me afterwards."
He didn't wait for a reply he just picked me up and took me downstairs, dumped me in my wheelchair and said,
"Now take yourself into the bar and behave yourself or I'll spank you like a little boy."
I was shaken to my core. Dad had never threatened me with corporal punishment in my life. I knew my parents loved me more than anything or anyone else in the world so I suppose it was shock that propelled me into the bar. I recognised quite a few of the old guard as I moved further in and then I saw him. An area cleared round him and he was grinning at me. I just swung out of my chair and threw myself into his arms. By the time he had grabbed me in a bear hug I was already sobbing so hard I was almost convulsing.
He picked me up and carried me into the snug bar that was empty. I could hear the cheers as he closed the door and then we were kissing. I was near collapse but I held it together. I didn't dare lose consciousness in case when I came to again it was all a dream.
He kissed me and I'm sure he didn't stop for hours, except to tell me how much he loved me and how every day without me had been a hell on earth for him.
He stayed the night and I don't think I slept a wink. I was so scared that this was a dream I didn't dare let go. I was a wreck when he woke up and cuddled me. Lunch time and I at last fell into an exhausted sleep wrapped around Johnnie.
When I woke he was still there looking down at me. During my sleep I had slid down the bed and I was licking his penis. When I realised and met his eyes we both dissolved into little boy giggles, my first for fourteen months, six days.
I walked, all be it very unsteadily down to the kitchen to join my parents for supper, with Johnnie holding me of course. I didn't know if I would ever be able to let him go again.
Over supper he told us how he had got out of his Spit only seconds before it had exploded and the shock wave had blown his ear drums so that for months he couldn't hear and had been rendered speechless as well. That was why the Red Cross hadn't been given his name as a P.O.W. Colditz had been boring, not hard. Thoughts of, and love for me had kept his moral up and eventually he had regained his speech and his hearing by which time Germany was in chaos as the allies advanced. I loved the way he confronted my parents over his admission of his love for me. Of course he didn't know that I had told them.
"Bert and Elsie, I'm sorry, but I love Will so much I would happily die for him and my love for him kept me sane and wanting to get better to be with him."
He wouldn't look at them until he heard all three of us laughing. He looked up and with surprise written all over his face he said, "What?"
Dad looked ever so stern as he said. "We know," and then he smiled.
What great parents I had. Johnnie had two weeks leave before he had to report back for further appointing. We hardly got out of bed. Well, not true really. He was beastly to me.
"I'm not living with this unfit wimpy looking guy for the remainder of my life. You are going to get fit."
Boy did he ever work me to that end. By the time he reported back to work I was already walking well and doing lots of exercises peripheral to my legs. I was doing sit ups and press ups until my body rebelled but God I felt good. I hadn't felt this alive since before my accident.
Johnnie didn't tell me much about what he was doing until one day he returned from the base waving a piece of paper.
"I have my Civil Pilot's Permit and a job with one of the new airlines starting up. Good bye to the Royal Air Force, hello to civil life."
Our lives were caught up in a whirlwind soon after. Johnnie went to fly the Berlin Airlift when Stalin tried to freeze the Brits and Americans out of Berlin.
It was such an exciting time in our lives. I qualified as an accountant and when the world returned halfway to sanity we moved to Croydon where the new Int'l Airport was growing and Johnnie's company set up their HQ. I joined a firm dealing with aviation companies and we bought a beautiful house in the South Downs.
Oh, I by the way got totally fit to the point where we used to go for a run in the mornings when Johnnie wasn't flying.
Johnnie was my life as I was his and I think our happiest day ever was when we had our thirtieth anniversary in my parent's pub the same day they decided to retire. They were both in their seventies but still incredibly healthy.
As you can imagine, there were buckets of tears that night. Who would have believed that an eighteen year old country boy and a dashing twenty year old Spitfire pilot would end up committing their lives to one another?
We have been together for sixty three years this year and would you believe I still love him as much as I did the first day I saw him. Not true actually, I love him a million times more than I did then.
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