This story contains some graphic descriptions of sexual scenes between consenting adult Males. If material of this nature offends you or you're under 18 or it's not legal where you live, don't read it. Use the back button or turn away least you be corrupted by the realities of life and the diversities of the human condition.
The Promise
I finish at the hospital and head home to my apartment on the waterfront, stopping to pick up supplies along the way. Traffic is light as I continue my journey so it doesn't take long to reach home. I drive into the large complex and maneuver the car into my designated parking space. I ignore the elevators and take the stairs two at a time, all the way to the tenth floor. I'm a little breathless as I fumble with the bags and fish in my pocket for the key. I hit the button on the answer machine as I head for the bedroom. Dumping my stuff on the bed, I grab the large canvas bag from the closet and begin to pack. I listen to the messages through the open door and can't help but smile. They're mostly from Danny. He arrived two days ago with Deepak and he's been leaving messages of their progress, a run down of their journey. They're coming to pick me up. We're heading down to Florida to sail round the Islands for a couple a weeks.
"Hey Paul! It's me. The meetin' with the damn lawyers took longer than expected but were leavin' now, should be with you in about four, maybe five hours, dependin' on traffic. See yeh"
Click Beep.
"We're on the highway, there's a hell of a lot of traffic. I'd forgotten how damn crazy it gets here. Jesus, welcome to the US of A. I better keep two hands on the wheel...bye"
Click Beep.
"Hello, Mr. Hamilton, it's Toni from Northern Medical, just calling to let you know we received the probe and should have a replacement in a week or so. If you've any inquiries, give me a call. I'm in the office most afternoon's but if I'm not here, you can speak with Monica, bye."
Click Beep.
"Hey! We're stuck in this damn traffic, gonna take the next exit and try a different route."
Click Beep.
"Goddamn rental piece a junk...Sorry! (laughter) We're on the Freeway again. Be there real soon."
Click Beep.
"Paul, it's your father. How are you son? Just wanted to tell you to have a great vacation, you work too hard. You know your mother worries, give her a call then you get back. Say hi to Danny. I hate these damn machines.
Click Beep.
"We've stopped for gas and a bite to eat. I forgot to tell yeh, we're stayin' another week so I hope yeh can get the extra time off work... and...there was something else...what was it?...oh yeah, I love yeh, but you know that already."
Click Beep.
"Hey Paulie, hope yeh got a pot a coffee brewin', cos we're real close, maybe an hour, can't wait."
Click Beep.
I run to the machine and look at the time of the last message. Oh my god, they'll be here in less than twenty minutes. Like a demented person, I jump around the room and wonder if it's possible to go crazy from being too happy.
It's kind of a strange story, how I met Danny. Most of us remember the first guy we slept with. For some of us the memory is a good one, or a bit of an anti-climax, or maybe so awful, it's best forgotten. Personally, I liked my first time. I guess because I loved the guy I did it with, I still do. My first time was with Danny. He's my mother's half brother so I guess that's kinda incestuous or something, but hey, it's not like he's some crusty old man who took advantage of me. He's only eight years my senior, and that's close enough to my own age, well close enough for me. I was almost eighteen at the time and he was twenty-six.
I remember it was Sunday. We were all sitting at the dinner table. My mother was serving the roast onto plates and passing them along. I was sitting at the end, next to my dad and my girlfriend Susan. My brother's Shane and Richard had arrived with their wives and kids. As had my sister Grace and her husband Bill. The whole family usually pitched up for Sunday lunch.
It was three weeks short of my eighteenth birthday, I was the youngest in the family, the Twins, Richard and Grace, were twenty-seven, almost ten years older. Shane, the eldest, was thirty. My mom always called me her little surprise. She'd long thought her family complete and had no plans to get pregnant again, then I came out of the blue.
There was a gaggle of commotion round the table, everyone was trying to talk at once. Mom had just announced that her brother Daniel would be arriving the following Saturday for a months visit. They all remembered uncle Daniel, I didn't. I was only eight when he last came to see us. Daniel was kinda like the black sheep of the family. He was nearly always discussed in hushed tones by my aunts and uncles. And he was the butt of many cruel jokes.
Daniel was my moms half-brother, so I guess that only makes him my half uncle. He was the result of a brief affair my grandmother had with an old flame. In her mid teens, my grandmother had fallen in love with an older man, he was Jewish. Her father was a bible thumping anti-Semitic and had forbidden her to see him. He'd sent her to the East Coast to stay with relatives, it's where she met my grandpa. They were married (with parental approval) a couple of years later.
Grandma was married about twenty-five years when she bumped into her lost love at a teachers convention in San Francisco. They had a brief affair and she got pregnant with Daniel. She was 44 at the time and thought she was going through the menopause right up until the day she went into labor. Everyone assumed it was grandpa and playfully ribbed him, calling him an ol' goat. Grandma told him about the affair when she had Daniel and grandpa insisted they bring him up as their own, not treat him any different from the others.
My mother's family were mostly Doctor's and teacher's and it was hoped Daniel would join one of those professions. Instead he dropped out of high school and embraced a nomadic life of travelling and working in various countries. For as long as I could remember, we'd received letters and postcards from far-flung regions of the world. Daniel's nomadic lifestyle was seen as reckless and irresponsible, two attributes that didn't bode well in my somewhat conservative family, hence the black sheep/joke labels.
I'd always harboured romantic notions about Uncle Daniel. I don't mean in a sexual or kissing-and-flowers kinda way, but in a romantic hero, out-to-save-the-world kinda way. To me Daniel was a maverick, someone who defied convention to do his own thing. I found that romantic, I guess it appealed to my inner rebel. I longed to break free from my conventional family and explore the world. I was looking forward to meeting him.
As we ate dinner, Grace commented on the fact that Uncle Daniel wasn't married. Mom said he was only twenty-six, plenty of time to settle down. Dad reckoned he'd never get married because poor Daniel fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on his way down. This got a round of laughter from the table. Mom admonished him for his insensitivity but I noticed she had a smirk on her face as she did so. Then Grace pipes in again,
"But it's true mom, Daniel's wasn't the best looking guy. He was really goofy, so unattractive. I'm not surprised he's still single, no woman would go near him..."
"That's not nice dear, it's been ten years since we've seen your Uncle Daniel. He might have changed, he was only Paul's age when we last saw him," she said, smiling at me.
"I doubt it," said Shane. "If I remember, he was dog ugly and a little strange too, I don't think he liked women, I think he might be...."
"Now, now. That's enough of that Shane. Daniel's my brother and he's welcome in this house regardless of how he looks or who he might like. I don't want to hear anymore on the subject"
Later, after I'd driven Susan home, I sat in my room looking through old photo albums for pictures of Daniel. There weren't many, and those I found were a little blurred or he was too far away to see any real detail. There was one black and white picture were he looked about fourteen and I thought if he still looks like that he'll be hideous. He'd a profusion of thick, unkempt dark hair, round glasses, buck-teeth, jug-handle ears and was as thin as a rake.
Undeterred by this representation of my hero, I fished out the shoe box from the closet and went through the stack of letters and postcards Daniel had sent over the years. There were over a hundred. I picked some at random and read them. I liked the descriptive way he had of writing. The way he talked about people and places always made me think I was with him, seeing it all through his eyes. It only increased my impatience to see him. I could hardly wait for the following weekend.
On Saturday, I'd a football game so I couldn't go to the airport to meet Daniel. Mom and dad went without me. I didn't get back until the early afternoon. I remember rushing home and bursting in through the back door and finding the house full of relatives. Some I hadn't seen in years.
"Oh! You're so tall and grown up Paul, almost a man now." crooned aunt Edna.
"And handsome too." Said aunt Jo.
"Have you been working out boy!" roared Uncle Tommy, squeezing my upper arm and patting my chest. I just grinned and carried on into the lounge. I looked around but couldn't see Daniel.
"Your Uncle Daniel's sleeping dear, he's having a nap. The flight was delayed and he's exhausted. You can meet him at dinner," explained mom.
I hid my disappointment and went to my room to listen to music. I dozed off myself and woke about two hours later. The house was silent as I went downstairs, no one was home. I decided to take a quick peek in the guest room to see if Uncle Daniel had gone too or if he was still sleeping. I gingerly made my way to the door and opened it quietly without knocking. The bed was in disarray and empty. I heard the shower running and a male baritone voice, singing in a language I didn't recognize. I was about to leave when I spotted something resting on the wooden chest at the end of the bed, it was a statue of a squatting, native man with a very large erection clutched in his outstretched arms. Intrigued, I moved closer and was somewhat startled when the same baritone voice said,
"That's a fertility symbol from South America."
I looked up, speechless, rooted to the spot. I just gawked like an imbecile. This couldn't be Uncle Danny. I mean the guy was far from ugly. He stood there with only a towel around his waist, his black hair wet from the shower and sticking up at odd angles. His brown eyes were warm and friendly, his teeth white and perfect. His nose was narrow and a tad crooked. He had a full beard, maybe a two or three week growth. His trim, compact torso was muscular and tanned with small, prominent pecs. The hair on his torso grew in the shape of a wide, fuzzy T that trailed down across his flat stomach before disappearing beneath the white towel. His arms and legs were long and curvaceously muscular, his hands and feet were large, with short, thick fingers and toes in perfect formation.
"Hello!' he said, arching his black bushy eyebrows and grinning.
"Er...sorry, hi." I said, my eyes continuing to look from head to toe.
"You must by Paul. God, you've gotten so damn big, so grown up. Yeh don't remember me, do yeh? I'm your Uncle Daniel."
"Uncle Daniel!? But you're...you're beautiful..." I whispered, in total awe of the man before me.
"Well thank you, you're not too bad yourself," he replied with a huge grin.
I could feel my face grow hot with embarrassment as I realized what I'd just said. "No, I mean...it's....well...er...when mom told me you were gonna visit, I looked at your photos and the only one I could find was you as a teenager and...
"I know, I know, I was an ugly bastard," he said, laughing. "I particularly like the teeth and the ears but it's amazin' what an orthodontist and a surgeon can do these days." He laughed and I smiled politely.
"Your Momma's gone shoppin,' she left a note. Said to make ourselves a sandwich if we were hungry. You hungry Paul?"
"Yeah, now that you mentioned it, I'm starving. I'll make something, do you want a sandwich."
"Yeah, I'm famished. Give me a couple of minutes. I'll make 'em, I make a wicked sandwich."
He gave me a smile again, turned and casually dropped the towel. I got a full view of two nicely tanned, hairy globes and realised he must like going naked in the sun. I was about to leave but he started talking again, asking me about school and if I remembered his last visit. I told him I couldn't remember and watched as he retrieved a pair of white cotton briefs from his suitcase. I got a good look at his thick bush and a hefty, uncut, flaccid cock, dangling between his thighs. He slipped them on and I waited as he pulled on jeans, boots and a crisp white shirt.
We went to the kitchen and I made coffee while Daniel rustled up a couple of sandwiches. We sat at the breakfast bar and talked about our lives. He made me laugh when he mimicked aunt Edna and several other relatives. We spoke of grandma and I could see his eyes grow misty as he told me how much he still missed her. I didn't really remember her as I was only seven when she died.
When we finish eating we went outside to the garden, Daniel tossed me a beer from the fridge and winked as he told me not to tell my mother. We sat on the bench, next to the small ornamental pond.
"So yeh really don't remember me Paul. Yeh don't remember my last visit?" he said, sounding a little disappointed.
"No, I've only a vague memory, though I kinda recall the whole family going camping in the mountains."
"I remember that!" he said laughing. "Your sister got poison ivy and we'd to come back early. Do yeh remember sharin' a tent with me?"
"No, did I?"
"Insisted on it, yeh refused to share with either Shane or Richard. Yeh was like a little puppy back then, yeh used to follow me everywhere..."
"Sorry, must have been a bummer having a snot-nosed brat on your tail..."
"Naw, I liked it. Yeh was real cute and to tell yeh the truth, I didn't get along with your brothers an' sister. She was the typical cheerleader, she and her bitchy friends were busy chasin' jocks. She didn't want no goofy uncle getting in her way."
"That sounds about right, not much has changed, she's still a bitch, and she married one of those jocks." I told him, laughing.
"Well, I'm sure she's happy...
"I don't much care, I hate her and her damn husband."
That's a bit harsh, she's your sister..."
"I know, but she's forever interfering in my life."
"No reason to hate her."
"Well I guess I don't hate her...but I don't like her much..."
"What about your brothers?"
"Well, I was quite young when they left for college and they got married soon after so we never had a close relationship. Richard can be a real pain in the butt but Shane's okay, he's cool...I guess."
"Do yeh remember the fight I had with Richard last time I was here?"
"No! Oh my God, you had a fight with Richard?"
"Yeh, I punchin' him, yeh don't remember, we was standin' right here in this same spot?"
"No, honestly, I think I'd remember something like that."
"I punched him and he beat the crap outta me, made my nose bleed. Yeh got real upset, screamin' and blubberin'. Yeh was shoutin' 'don't hurt Uncle Daniel, don't hurt Uncle Daniel.' Yeh honestly don't remember?"
"Honestly, I don't." I shook my head.
"I guess yeh was too young...so yeh don't remember the baseball bat..."
"No," I laughed. I told you I..."
"Yeh was screamin' and cryin', 'don't hurt Uncle Daniel,' and yeh picks up the baseball bat and whacks Richard over the head with it. God, I can still hear the sound it made, like a branch snapping. Yeh laid him out cold."
"Really, are you serious, I did that?
"Yeah."
"C'mon, you're kidding right, just pulling my leg?
"No, honest to God. It really happened."
"So how come no one ever mentioned it then?. No one ever told me?"
"We agreed to say nothin'. Richard had a bit of a bump on his head, well a big bump actually but he was okay. We agreed to keep quiet, we was worried about your folks..."
"Wow!"
"I remember afterward yeh came into my room, I was cryin', trying to stop my nose bleed. Yeh sat on my knee and kissed me, told me not to be sad, that you'd kiss it all better."
"God, I must have been a real dork..."
"No, like I said, yeh was real cute. Yeh loved me, yeh told me so. It's when I made the promise."
"The promise?"
"Hell, yeh don't remember the promise? Yeh was just a kid, and yeh asked me to make a promise..."
"What was it...the promise...?"
Before he could answer, the kitchen door burst opened and Mom, Grace and aunt Edna came out to the garden.
"Oh you're up. IT'S OKAY RICHARD HONEY, HE'S AWAKE!" my mom shouted into the house. "So what have you boys been up too?..."
I went into school on Monday after a pretty hectic weekend. Too many damn relatives coming and going. Daniel was driving up the coast to visit friends and wouldn't return until Thursday. We'd agree to go camping on Friday and return on Monday. I had lunch with Susan and arranged to introduce her to Daniel on Thursday after school.
I met Susan when she'd started at our high-school two years previous. Her folks had moved from Atlanta as her dad's company relocated. I liked her from the start. We'd been dating for almost eighteen months and in the last six had begun sleeping together. We'd waited until Susan turned sixteen before we did it. At seventeen, I was your usual horny teenager. I was all hormones and permanently stiff cock. The first time was at my place, Susan wanted the first time to be special. She didn't want to it to take place in the back of a car or at the beach. She reckoned you only lose your virginity once so we had to make it really special.
My parents had gone on a weekend conference so we had the house to ourselves. The sex was awesome, well worth the wait. There wasn't a lot of opportunity for sex as we both lived at home with our folks. I was frustrating for both of us but we managed to be together when Susan was baby-sitting. Sometimes she's sit once or twice a week and at other times weeks would go by with nothing. So it was either a feast or a famine.
I met Susan in the car lot on Thursday after school. I'd arranged to meet Daniel downtown for a bite to eat. He was waiting when we arrived and shook hands with Susan, then laughed as he pulled her close and kissed her on both cheeks, like a French man. We ordered food and a jug a beer and talked about the different countries Daniel had visited. Susan had plans to study anthropology and was interested in people from other cultures and backgrounds. Daniel was friendly and animated, making us laugh with his inane jokes. He went to the restroom and it gave us the opportunity to talk about him. I wanted Susan to like him but I needn't have worried.
"He's really nice Paul. Funny and charming and quite good-looking. I like him a lot. He doesn't look like you or anyone in your family.
"Yeah, I guess he takes after his dad."
"You know, I think he might be gay."
"What! Why...what makes you say that?"
"I don't know, it's just a feeling..."
"Is it a problem...I mean..."
"Of course not, live and let live and all that."
"Good, anyway, it's his business, he'll tell us if he wants too..."
"I think he likes you."
"Er, yeah, he's my uncle..."
"No, it's more than that, it's the way he looks at you...I..."
"...What do you mean..."
"It's, well, the way he hangs on your every word. The way he looks at you, like you're the only person in the room. Like you're the sun, the moon and the stars. You should be flattered. No one's ever looked at me like that, not even you," she said, smiling.
"I never noticed...I think I'd...Na! You're wrong Susie, I mean, I'm his nephew..."
"Paul, you never notice anything, you never pick up on people's behavior traits. Anyway, he's only looking, so there's no harm in that...."
"Maybe I should sleep with him, you know, just to see if it's true."
She laughed out loud and a few diners looked our way. "You probably would too, you horny little devil...no, I don't think you would, you like girls too much."
"Okay, quiet now, he's coming back."
It's funny looking back on those years and remembering that conversation. With the benefit of hindsight, I knew I was gay. I always knew but I refused to acknowledge it or give it any credence. If I liked a particular guy at school or was scoping a guys cock in the locker room, I'd put it down to admiration, envy or hero worship. I never really saw it for what it was - sexual attraction. I couldn't be gay. I was popular at school. I loved sports. I was masculine and muscular. I was 'normal'. The fact I'd great sex with Susan only reinforced this idea. I mean, gay men were limp-wristed, effeminate types and I didn't fit that mold. God, I was so naive.
But there was something else too, something I couldn't quite grasp or explain. Something that held me back like an invisible force. I know I could've had sex with any number of guys but it just felt wrong somehow. I don't mean in a moral sense or out of fear or a lack of self-acceptance. It was more than those things. Somewhere on the periphery of my consciousness, was an inexplicable feeling I should wait. That the timing wasn't right and I should wait for someone special.
Of course, it all made perfect sense when I met Daniel. He was the special guy I'd been waiting for. All my apprehensions about being gay and my stereotypical ideas changed when I met him. I mean, he was masculine and muscular, he liked sports and outdoor activities, he was a risk taker, an alpha male who danced with danger and yet he was totally gay. Daniel made me see things more clearly, he opened my eyes and helped me see my fear and prejudice as internalized homophobia. Without him, I'd a been lost. I'd have continued lying to myself and others. I'd have ruined, not only my life, but Susan's as well. Because in all probability, I would have married her. The camping trip was the catalyst, it started the ball rolling and set me on a journey of self-discovery and self-acceptance.
We set off at 6am on Saturday morning. We'd hoped to leave on Friday afternoon but my mom had planned a restaurant meal with the entire family. So once again we were surrounded by relatives. I hadn't had a chance to be alone with Daniel since the first day in the garden. I was impatient to speak with him about the promise. I noticed him going outside to have a cigarette so I followed. As I walked through the shrubs in the extensive hotel grounds, I heard raised voices. My brother Richard was arguing with Daniel. He was right up in his face.
"That's not the fucking point Daniel, and I don't give a shit, I still think you shouldn't be taking him camping. He's just a kid..."
"For Christ sake's Richie, he's almost eighteen and it's just a damn campin' trip..."
"I don't want him alone up there with you."
"What the hell do yeh think I'm gonna do?"
"I know what you'd like to do, but you leave him be, he's not a freak like you."
"Yeh goddamn son-of-a-bitch...I ought a...
"Hey! What's going on?," I said as I approached. You talking about me Richie?"
"No, no, it's nothing Paul, everything's fine..."
"You worried about me going on this trip. I've been camping lots a times and Uncle Daniel's an expert. He's trekked through Africa and South America. I'll be fine, there's really no need to fight.
"It's okay. I know you'll be fine, just have a good time kiddo. Here take this," he said, opening his wallet and taking out a $100 bill. This was strange, Richard was not known for his generosity.
"Richard, I've got cash..."
"I know, I know, but take it in case you're caught short..." he shoved the bill into my shirt pocket and headed back to the restaurant.
"What was all that about Uncle Daniel. He wasn't just worried..."
"Leave it Paul, just leave it okay!"
I thought about their argument as we drove towards the mountains. I wondered if it was something to do with the punch up they had ten years ago. I wanted to ask Daniel but he looked so happy, I didn't want to spoil the mood.
We parked the jeep and set out on foot for the long trek to the allocated camp site. The sky was a rich, clear blue, the day hot and sunny. We walked for miles, stopping to eat a sandwich and drink from the flask. Daniel decided to circumvent the regular site and camp out in the wilderness. Like I said, he wasn't one for convention, he liked to break the rules.
We pitched the tent in a small clearing, surrounded by dense forest, next to the river. I was a little concerned about bears but Daniel laughed and reassured me, said most of the bears had been shot years ago and those that remained were weary of people. It was dusk when we finished setting up camp. We lit a fire and fixed a meal of beans, fried potatoes and hot-dogs. I think it was the best meal I ever tasted. Daniel had put a six-pack in a net bag, tied it, hooked it, and left it too dangle in the river. They were nicely chilled when we opened them.
A full moon had risen when we finished our meal. We sat in silence, sipping our beers under its soft glow. I looked at the moon and joked about werewolves. Daniel laughed when I said if he was any hairier, he'd be a werewolf. He growled and snapped, nuzzling my neck, and I giggled like a fool. There was another silence until he turned to me with a sad look in his eyes.
"It's hard to believe you're all grown up, so different and yet, the same. Yeh look good...really good. I missed yeh Paul, I missed yeh a lot."
"I don't know what to say. It's weird Daniel. I wish I could remember you more. I mean...well, it's kinda strange because I don't really know you and yet I feel I do...."
"It's probably good that yeh don't remember..."
"I remember a lot more since we started talking. I remember hitting Richie and him lying flat out on the lawn. There was a lot of shouting and I think Grace was crying...I remember fragments, like a jigsaw puzzle, but I can't quite put all the pieces together. You know what else is weird? I always felt we had a connection, I mean when your name was mentioned at home, I always got this tingly feeling, like they were talking about someone special. And I loved getting your letters and postcards, reading them and imagining I was with you. I still have them you know..."
"Yeh kept 'em, all of 'em?"
"Yeah, I know they were addressed to the Hamilton family but I always imagined they were meant for me. That you were thinking of me when you send them. Does that sound silly?"
"No, it makes a lot of sense...they were part of the promise."
"Tell me about the promise..."
"Yeh really don't remember anythin', nothin' at all?"
"No, I'm sorry Danny, you always seem disappointed that I don't remember, but I don't. So tell me...I'm curious, you make it sound so mysterious..."
He took a long swig of his beer, then took a deep breath..
"I think to understand the promise, yeh have to know what was happenin', at the time, to know my state of mind. Yeh see, your granddaddy died when I was nine, I was real upset, cried for days. I loved him and always assumed he was my daddy. At the funeral, aunt Annie, whose been dead awhile now, told me to stop my snifflin', she said he wasn't my real daddy so I'd no business being upset..."
"Jesus, what a bitch, you should..."
"Let me finish, then talk..."
"Okay, sorry..."
"I didn't know what the hell she was talkin' about so I went and asked Momma. Now, you know your grandma, she don't never mince her words. 'I'll tell yeah later honey,' was all she said. Then she marches straight up to Aunt Annie and slaps her, slaps her hard across the face, she just keeps on slappin' and slappin' till uncle Tommy pulled her away.
That night she told me the whole story. Showed me pictures of my real dad. Told me how much she loved him. How she loved me because I was his. Said if he was still alive he'd a loved me too cos he loved her so much. But he died never knowing about me. She said I was born from love, pure love, and to always remember that. She reckoned the family didn't understand nothin'. They just saw dirt and scandal where there was none to be found.
For the first time in my life a lot of things made sense. I always knew I was different somehow. That the family didn't like me or looked at me with suspicion. All that whisperin' and hushed voices when I entered a room made sense now. And once I knew it just seemed to get worse. I just became more aware of it I guess. Still, it don't feel good bein' an outsider in your own family. I realised just how true that was when your grandma died. I was sixteen and no one wanted me. I was packed off the live with Aunt Edna. But that didn't work out so I was sent to some cousins on the East Coast. I hated it there so I ran away. Eventually it was decided I should go South to Uncle Jimmy. He's a Doctor like your dad. I was to go in September, just before school started. Uncle Jimmy was away that summer so I spent the time at your place, I arrived in mid-June for a three month stay.
Now hold on to your hat Paul, cos this is where things get real serious. I want to tell yeh everythin' so I hope you're up to it...I hope yeh can understand..."
"I am...I can...I mean I'll understand. You can tell me anything Daniel. I want to know everything..."
"I think you'll understand more then most, cos if my guess is right, you're a lot more like me than yeh think..."
"What do you mean, more like you...?"
"Doesn't matter, just listen and don't say nothin' till I'm done, okay.
"Okay," I said, my heart thumping as he continued.
"I was at your place about a week when I slept with your brother Richard, I was...?
"What! You...you had sex with Richie..."
"Yeah, now shut the fuck up and listen, I said no talkin' till I'm done..."
"Okay, okay. I'm sorry...go on."
"It just happened. Two horny teenagers and all that. We went swimmin' one day, skinny dippin' and I got myself a stiffy. And, well...er...stuff happened. Nothing heavy, mostly just jerkin' each other. Richard might be a blockhead but he was always a good-lookin' guy. Had a lot a girls chasin' him. I wasn't what you'd call attractive, you've seen the photos. Anyway, I guess I was flattered by his attention. We did it lots a times over the weeks. Now, I have to tell you, I believe Richard is straight, he's not like me, he's totally straight, he just saw an opportunity to have a little fun. So don't go thinking he's gay or nothin'..."
"But he had sex with you."
"That don't mean shit. I did all the runnin'. He never touched me the same way I touched him so you..."
"I don't understand..."
"Well, he never let me kiss him on the lips and he never took me in his mouth the way I did with him. When I was finished blowin' him. He would jerk me off by holdin' my cock with the tips of his fingers, like it was contaminated or somethin' and all the time he'd be lookin' away from me. I think he hated that part but he had to do it cos he liked what I was doing for him, quid pro quo.
"But what about the promise, what's that to with the promise?"
"Jesus, hold your horses, I'm gettin' there. One time I was in the garden with Richard, your mom and dad was out for the evenin'. Shane was away for the weekend. Gracie was with her bitch friends, no doubt chasin' athletic cock. You was sleepin'. Richard stole some of your dad's whisky and we was drinkin' and gigglin' like a couple of fools. I guess Richard was feelin' horny cos he reached over and squeezed the front a my pants. It was stupid but we was a little drunk so we threw caution to the wind. I took out his cock and started blowin' him right there in the garden. I remember I was real happy cos he let me kiss him properly on the mouth, like I say, he was drunk and maybe a little curious too. I moved up from his cock and we was kissin', you know, real heavy, all tongues and hot slobber. We was really getting' into it, moanin' and shit when you came out into the garden and all hell broke loose. You started yellin' and blubberin'. You was screamin' fit to wake the dead, 'you never kiss me Uncle Daniel, you never kiss me!'.
"Well you know your brother Richard, never was good with kids. He jumps up and he's in a real panic, fixin' his pants and tryin' to calm you down. But you don't want none of it, you just keep hollerin' and cryin'. I picked yeh up and held yeh in my arms. I knew yeh was upset cos yeh thought I didn't love you. You was just a little kid so yeh don't know nothin'. Yeh thought I was kissin' Richie cos I liked him. Yeh kiss someone yeh must like 'em, right. That's how an eight year old thinks. Anyway, your blubberin' and Richard panickin' 'he's gonna tell, he's gonna tell.' I told him to shut up and I sat down with yeh on my knee. I'm whisperin' in your ear, 'I'm sorry little dude, I'm real sorry for not kissin' yeh, I love yeh more than anything in this world.' And I meant it too.
So yeh calm down a little and I'm rockin' yeh in the chair and Richie's pacin' up an' down the lawn, panickin' and sayin' 'he's gonna tell, he's gonna tell, everyone will think I'm queer.' Then he makes a grab for you. I can see he's mad, mad enough to hurt you so I stands up and puts you down in back of me. Richard's cussin' and tryin' to grab yeh so I punch him, I punch him hard in the face. We hear a scream and turn to see Gracie comin' across the lawn, this makes Richard even more angry. I guess his guilt and fear of discovery makes him crazy cos he starts hittin' and punchin' me, callin me a goddamn fag. My nose is bleedin' and I can't breath. Gracie's tryin' a pull him away but he keeps poundin' and poundin' and shriekin' like a girl or maybe that was Gracie, I don't know. Then I see yeh pick up the baseball bat. You're cryin' and screamin', "Oh don't hurt Daniel, please Richie, don't hurt Daniel, he'll be good, he'll be good." I see yeh raise the bat and I try to warn Richie but he's chokin' the life out a me and I can't talk. Then wham, the bat hits the side of his head and he falls over, like he's nothin' but a sack a spuds.
Now Gracie's hysterical. Wants to know what the fuck's goin' on. You is still cryin' and blubberin', G...G...Gracie, D...D...Daniel doesn't love me...he...he...doesn't...I...I...' That's when I picks yeh up and holds yeh in my arms again. I hold on to yeh as I reach down to feel the bump on Richie's head. There's no blood. He's still breathin' with a good strong pulse. So I tell Gracie to get a little ice and a wet towel and take care of his head. She's screamin' about gettin' an ambulance but I tell her to wait, get the ice and stuff and see to him pronto, I'll be back in five.
I take you to your room and sit on the bed. I grab a handful of tissues and hold 'em to my nose. You're on my lap, your shoulders is heavin' and you're sobbin' and I start to cry too. I just blub along with yeh cos I don't know what else to do. But my tears is like magic cos yeh suddenly stop. You're shoulder's are still shakin' a little but the tears is all gone. But I couldn't stop. I guess a lot of shit had happened durin' the year and I was releasin' it all. My mom dyin', having to live with relatives who hate me and bein' sent down South to Uncle Jimmy. Yeh kissed me and jumped down from my knee, ran to the bathroom and came back with more tissues. That only made me cry harder, a small gesture of kindness from a little kid.
Cos that's when I realize see, you're all I got. All I got in this world is a little kid to love me. No one else gives a shit and it makes me cry. Cos it's real love, I can see it in your eyes. It's pure and innocent and trusting and I think my heart's gonna bust open so I scoop yeh up in my arms and tell yeh it's okay, it's all okay, everythin's gonna be peachy. I stop blubberin' and put yeh into bed. I tuck yeh in, kiss your forehead and tell yeh to stay till I get back.
Richard and Gracie's in the kitchen. She's holdin' an ice pack to his head. He'd obviously told her what happened cos she's as cool as a cucumber with me. Talkin' like I'm somethin' she stepped in. But I don't pay her no mind. We talk and agree to keep things quiet. They're worried about you, you might tell. I reckon you're too young to understand everythin'. I told 'em I'd talk with you, that you wouldn't say nothin'.
I go back to your room and your sittin' up in bed waitin', your eyes all red and puffy from crying'. I got that feelin' again, like my heart's gonna bust just from lookin' at yeh. I lay down beside yeh and you snuggle into my neck. I tell yeh I love yeh and I'm real sorry for kissin' Richard, we was only foolin', just playin' a little joke. But yeh obviously saw a lot more then I thought cos suddenly you say
'But Uncle Daniel, you were kissing his pee-pee, why were you doing that?'
I was thinkin' fuck, now I'm in real trouble, not Richie, oh no, just me. Cos they'd blame me see, they'd say I was never no good. So I start blubberin' again, couldn't help it. You was kissin' my face, saying' 'don't be sad Uncle Daniel,' please don't be sad,' and it was makin' me blub all the more.
I tell yeh I'm sad cos what I been doin' with Richie is wrong and I'll be in a whole heap a trouble if your mom and dad find out. Of course bein' an inquisitive little bastard, yeh wants to know why it's wrong. I had to explain. I told yeh about moms and dads, and how they kiss and touch cos they love each another. How some men love other men and like to touch too but all the mom's and dads don't like it. They think it's wrong and want only moms and dads to do the touchin'. I remember yeh said that's not fair and asked if yeh could touch me. I freaked at that, didn't know what to do. But I thought fast. I said no, I said kids shouldn't touch grown-ups till they was grown-up themselves. That if any man asked you to touch his pee-pee, you was to holler and run away and tell Richard or Shane.
And that's when yeh said something cute, dumb but real cute. Yeh said when you was grown up yeh was only gonna touch me. I remember smilin' and tellin' yeh that you'd most likely grow up and marry a nice lady, and she'd be a mom and you'd be a dad and you'd only wanna touch each other. But yeh insisted, no Uncle Daniel, I only wanna touch you, just you Uncle Daniel, honest. When I grow up I'm only gonna touch you and no one else.' I could see yeh was getting teary again so I said okay, yeh could touch me when yeh was grown.
Yeh was quiet for a time before askin', 'when will I be grown up Uncle Daniel. Gracie's seventeen and she's not grown up, mom always says so when they fight.' I told yeh you'd be all grown up when yeh was twenty-one. So you counted on your little fingers and reckoned that be too long. So I said okay, how 'bout eighteen. So you counted on your fingers some more and said ten years is fine but it's still a lot of sleep nights Uncle Daniel. That's how you measured days see, by the number of sleep nights.
Yeh made me promise to come and visit when yeh was eighteen and to write yeh every week. I said I'd write once a month and visit when yeh turned eighteen. But no, that wasn't good enough for yeh. I had to cross my heart and promise. I had to swear on both our lives. You said you'd be waitin', countin' all those damn sleep nights."
For the rest of the summer things were pretty frosty with Richard and Grace. But I didn't pay 'em no mind, they was never that nice to me anyway. Besides, I had you. After that night, you followed me around even more. Yeh was like a little puppy. Yeh even slept in my bed. In the mornin' I'd take yeh out on the bike when your Momma wasn't lookin'. I'd wear that oversized leather jacket I had. I'd put it on, sit yeh on the bike between my legs, then wrap it round yeh and zip it up. Your head be stickin' out, just below my chin and we'd zoom along the back roads. Yeh was always yellin' to go faster, faster. We'd stop for a soda or just sit on the beach. Happy days.
The weeks flew by and yeh went back to school. I'd sometimes walk yeh to the bus and you'd be tellin' the other kids, 'This my Uncle Daniel, like yeh was real proud a me, like I was some kinda hero. I left in mid-September, just loaded up the bike and headed south. I remember walkin' yeh to the bus that mornin' but I didn't say nothin' about leaving cos you'd start blubberin' again and I would too. I hated doin' it, hated not bein' able to say goodbye cos I knew yeh was the only one who love me. I wanted to kiss yeh but I didn't cos I knew the other kids would make fun a yeh. So I just stood back and watched yeh get on the bus, turnin' and wavin' and smilin' with your little palm pressed against the glass. Thought my heart was gonna bust for sure. I waited till the bus pulled off and wondered if I'd ever see yeh again.
"I stayed in Uncle Jimmy's for a couple a years. He was a nice, easy goin' ol' man. I went to school for 'bout a year but I wasn't happy there. So when I turned eighteen and got my Momma's money, I split. Went down to Mexico for six months then took work on a freighter. Thought it be a good way to see the world. I loved all that travelin', Africa, Asia and the middle East. The people and places. Not being tied down to one spot. I had me a lot of fun.
Time ticked by as I was working on farms, oil fields, buildin' sites. Sometimes it be real lonesome on my own. But yeh was always with me, always in the back of my head tellin' me yeh was waitin', remindin' me of my promise.
I ended up in Australia, shacked up with an Indian guy I met when we was workin' the oil fields in Kuwait. I spent almost two years with him. We rented a little house right on the beach. Deepak wanted us to buy a place of our own and settle down like a married couple but that wasn't for me. I can't stay in one place for too long, I get itchy feet. So I said no, I've gotta start headin' home. I gotta fulfill a promise I made a long time ago to a little kid who loves me.
So I got work on a freighter destined for South Africa, then on to Ghana, Senegal, and finishin' up in Morocco. I took the ferry to Spain and flew to London from there and then south to Brighton. I've friends there who put me up for a couple a weeks. I got me a job on a freighter bound for Boston. When I arrived, I headed up to Maine. Spent three months there, bought me a little house with the money I'd saved and what Momma left.
I knew yeh was nearly eighteen so I phoned your Momma and came lookin' for you. I came lookin' for the kid who loves me. But he was gone, long gone. I was just chasin' a phantom. I guess he only ever lived in my head anyway. Instead I found a young man, a handsome man, a man who don't know me no more. I'm just a stranger now, his momma's lost brother...."
"Stop...stop Daniel, please...enough...I don't...I can't..."
"Awe Christ Paul, you blubberin' again. Some things don't never change," he said, smiling and reaching for my hand.
I pulled away. "Fuck off! Leave me alone." I could barely speak.
"Hey, hey, c'mon kiddo. I'm only foolin', tryin' to lighten the mood. I'm sorry, it's okay to cry. Hell, I do it all the time."
"I...I remember now...that day...the day you left. Mom telling me you'd gone to stay with Uncle Jimmy. I remember running to the guest room, seeing it all neat and clean and empty. Crying for hours. Inconsolable. Sitting on the front stoop waiting to hear the buzz of the motorbike, not understanding. Oh God, I...I remember Richard threatening me, telling me you'd never be back, saying it was my fault you left. 'Daniel hates you,' he said. 'He had to leave because a you.' Then telling me he'd kill me if I told anyone what happened because he'd have to leave too. Now I know why I hate him, why we never got along. I must have suppressed the memories, tried to forget. And Grace knew too, she fucking knew and yet she asked about you not being married. And now I've got my own damn mess..."
"Your own damn mess...you mean Susan," he whispered.
"Yeah."
"You haven't told her you're gay."
"Of course not! Would I be with her if she knew?"
"I guess not...I..."
"What am I gonna do Daniel?"
"Yeh has to tell her. It won't be easy but yeh has to do it."
"I know. She's gonna be mad, real upset. I'm worried she might tell the other kids at school."
"She didn't strike me as the kinda person you'd do a thing like that. Yeah, she'll be real upset, maybe even slap yeh some but yeh has to tell her Paul, and soon, real soon."
"I'll do it when I get back."
"It's for the best...you'll be a lot happier...I..."
"How did you know I was gay, is it that obvious?"
"No, it's not so obvious. But I knew. I think I always knew, from when you was a kid."
"Really, that far back. How, was I a bit of a sissy..."
"Naw, nothin' like that. It was just a feelin'. Call it intuition. You reminded me of myself when I was a kid. You had the same, I don't know, ambiguous nature. I can't explain."
"Try."
"Christ, you're makin' this difficult."
"I wanna understand."
"I don't know. I guess you was sensitive and sharp, real sharp, with a high sense of empathy with other peoples pain.
"So you're saying that sensitive kids with an innate 'human' ability to empathise with the suffering of others are gay. I'd hope most eight-year-olds have that ability, otherwise the world is well and truly fucked."
"I told yeh it was difficult to explain. Haven't you ever looked at a guy and had a sense, a feelin', an intuitive instinct that he was gay? Like you just knew."
"Yes but not in eight year-old kids..."
"Okay, I get your point but I still say I knew..."
"Is that why you came back, to see if your intuitive feelings were right?"
"I don't know, maybe..."
"So what happens now, what we gonna do?"
"What do yeh wanna do?"
"I wanna be with you..."
"What do yeh mean, be with me?"
"Don't play dumb Danny. You know what I mean..."
"...But...but I'm...I'm your uncle."
"Yeah, so what!"
"Well, it just don't seem right..."
"Then why the fuck did you come back!"
"Cos I made a promise...I..."
"...That's a pile of horse-shit. You're telling me you traveled halfway round the world because of a promise made to a little kid?"
"I always keep my word..."
"Christ! I didn't even remember the damn promise till you told me. And even if I did, I'd have seen it for what it was, a spur-of-the-moment reply to secure a kid's silence..."
"...that's not true..."
"...Oh for fuck's sake Daniel. You tell me this sad fuckin' story and what? Now you just fuck-off back to Maine and forget about me?
"C'mon Paul, I'm not just gonna forget yeh. I love yeh, I always have. Now that I got a house, you can come visit..."
"...Gee thanks Uncle Daniel, that be real swell. We can do a lil' fishin, watch a ball game, drink a few beers. Won't that be fun!"
"You're angry, I can understand that but there's no need for sarcasm."
"You shouldn't have told me Danny, you should a just kept it to yourself. I mean, you knew I'd forgotten, only remembered fragments, so why tell me? Why bother? It's unnecessary. I don't understand."
"I'm sorry Paul, I fucked up. I'm sorry. Maybe you're right but I was curious. You're the only person in my whole damn family who I love, and who loved me once. So when I was back in the States, I had to come see yeh. I just had too. Don't be mad. Don't be angry with me. I couldn't stand it.
"The funny thing is, you're not even fulfilling the damn promise. You came all this way for nothing, all this way just to renege on your promise...."
"Whatja mean?"
"The promise was about me touching you, and we haven't, we haven't touched, not even in a platonic way. We didn't even shake hands when we met in the bedroom. I find that a little strange."
"We can shake hands now," he said smiling.
"Fuck off.
"C'mon Paul, lighten up."
We sat in silence as we finished the last of the beer. So many thoughts, emotions and unanswered question were swirling round me head. I looked at Daniel as he drank another beer and I knew he was lost in his own thoughts. He looked so damn cute, I couldn't help reach over and kiss his cheek. He turned and smiled and I moved in for his lips but he pulled away.
"Don't."
"C'mon Dan, you know you want to just as much as I do."
"Yeah, I want to but I can't, I promised Richard..."
"What, another promise, you're good at making promises Dan, good at breaking 'em too," I replied as my lips found his. He didn't pull away but groaned softly in protest and pleasure as the tip of my tongue brushed against his lips. I pushed him down, our lips pressed together as we continued to kiss. I loved the strangeness of it, the alien sensation of his strong lips on mine. Soft, yet firm and rough and tingly from his beard. I moved down and kissed his neck, undoing the first two button of his shirt to kiss his hairy chest, the heat from his moist skin almost overwhelming my senses.
He sat up, then stood, pulling me with him and we headed for the tent. We never made it. I pushed him against a large tree and we kissed deeply. I was in ecstasy as our tongues explored each other's mouths. I couldn't get enough of the new sensation. Daniel lifted my T-shirt over my head and the soft cool breeze caused goose bumps to break out upon my skin. There was passion and urgency to our movements. I tucked frantically at my jeans, struggling to open the buttons and quickly dropped them to the ground; I kicked them off. My cotton shorts quickly followed. I tore open his shirt to reveal a robust hairy chest that glistened in the soft moonlight. I kissed his face, his neck, his chest, running my tongue down the length of his torso as I slowly sank to my knees. I paused briefly at his waistband before popping the buttons of his denims. I lowered them to his feet. His cotton whites soon followed, whispering gently against his trim, muscular legs as I drew them down to rest against the denims already gathered at his feet. It was such an intense experience seeing another mans cock up close, it made me pause in excited anticipation before I reached out to grasp it in my hand. It began to swell and throb as I slowly peeled back the loose foreskin to expose the plum-like glans. I could feel its moist heat just inches from my face as I ran a hand along his well muscled thigh. I drew closer to take him in my mouth, and the salty-sweet, musky glans slid across my tongue.
I was overwhelmed by the smooth, stiffness of the shaft. He was big and thick and beautifully formed. I played my lips up and down and it seemed to swell and augment inside my mouth. It pushed passed my gag reflex as I pressed my nose into the vast, frizzy pubic hair, inhaling cologne, ivory soap and the rich, pungent smell of his maleness. The ripe, rich odor of sweat, semen and the faint acrid scent of urine. I caressed his balls, feeling the large, oval shaped orbs encased in an ample, slack pouch, coated in short, prickly hairs. As he probed my mouth with his cock, I ran my palms up his hairy torso to pinch his nipples and he groaned in obvious pleasure.
The sound seemed to vibrate within my soul and I was gripped by a wild frenzied passion, a potent craving and desire. I felt a surge of power, a giddy drunkenness that made my head swim. I was almost overwhelmed by the closeness, the sheer intimacy of having a cock in my mouth and the strange new sensations it afforded my body. I'd never felt so deliciously hot, so fiercely aroused. My own cock stiff and straining, it's flesh stretched taut to breaking point. With a pounding heart, I reached down, grasped hold of my dick and began jerking myself with long, even strokes as I continued to suck him.
The world stood still, all but forgotten, nothing else mattered, just the steel, velvety firmness of his manhood pulsating in and out of my wet mouth. I could sense he was close so I sucked harder, faster, running my tongue along the base of the head and it wasn't long before I heard him gasp and grip my hair, then splatter against my throat as I swallowed furiously to take it all in. My whole body tingled with lust, every cell and sinew alive as he put his muscular arms around me and brought me to my feet. I pushed against his body and kissed him deeply to share the salty, metallic taste of his essence, the gluey residue coating our hot mouths. He pulled on my cock, jerking it faster and faster until I erupted spurt after spurt of ropy semen onto his hot firm torso.
We stood breathless in the moonlight; I leaned against his chest as he struggled for breath. I looked at him and he smiled, our lips met and we kissed softly.
"Now that wasn't so bad was it Daniel," and he roared laughing before grabbing me in a bear hug.
We gathered our clothes, and walking naked in the moonlit, we made our way to the tent. Danny introduced me to the joys of man-on-man sex that night. It was an eye-opening introduction to a world of hidden pleasures. We spent hours exploring each other's bodies, reveling in our closeness. We teased and touched. We caressed and stroked. We licked and kissed and nibbled and tasted. No part, no region, no crevice of our bodies went unexplored. I drank deep from the cup of joy that night, entering Danny's warm, firm body for the first time. I'd been with Susan countless times but the exquisite sensation of Danny's body was strangely familiar, yet at the same time so different. There was a durability in his hard maleness I'd never encountered before. The toughness of his athletic physique, the ruggedness of his course body hair, the firmness of his lips, the tautness of his solid ass and the softness of the hidden treasure that lay at its center. I was unaware that the human body could reach such heights of sheer, unadulterated pleasure. It was dawn before we eventually gave in to exhaustion and slept for a few hours. Waking only to eat and continue again, and again, and again. It was a weekend I will always remember.
It's hard to believe that memorable night was almost twelve years ago. So much has happened since then. I'll like to tell you we became an exclusive couple but we didn't. Daniel was always nomadic, liked to keep on the move. Settling down to a life of domesticity would have bored him senseless. So there is no happy-ever-after kinda ending. Well there is, sort of.
When we got back from the camping trip I told Susan, as you can imagine, it didn't go well but I'm not gonna write about that, it's too painful, even today. I also told my parent's, then Richard, Grace and Shane. I don't wanna write about that either.
Daniel went up to Maine for awhile, then made his way back to Australia. He hooked up with Deepak again and they went to India for a year. I went to Med school in the fall and met them in Sri Lanka during the first Christmas vacation. Deepak was a stunningly handsome guy, tall and muscular with jet-black hair and smooth, honey toned skin. He was a nature photographer for National Geographic, and was clearly in love with Daniel. I was prepared to hate him but he was just too damn nice, I liked him a lot. I still do.
Epilogue
I slowly wake up and open my eyes, the sun cutting my face like a razor. I squint and turn from the blinding light, snuggling deeper under the cover. Danny side of the bed is empty, he must be up on deck. I can feel the gentle sway of the boat and the heat from Deepak's smooth body pressed up against me. His arm is draped across my torso and his morning woody is hard against my thigh. The cabin stinks of stale smoke and beer and sweat and semen as I gently lift his arm to maneuver out from under him.
Naked, I make my way out of the cabin, through the galley and go up on deck. The sun is dazzling as I walk to the port side rail. I squint as I look out at the expansive blue ocean. I yawn and stretch, then stand akimbo and release a stream of urine into the clear water below. Danny's grinning and shaking his head as I make my way towards him at the helm. He passes me his coffee cup, I take a sip before passing it back. We kiss and he asks if I slept well. I nod and smile and lean against his naked body as I look out at the vast empty ocean. I can feel the swell and the gentle rocking of the boat and Danny's warm body against my back. His chest hair caresses my skin as he drapes an arm around my shoulder, rubs my chest and kisses my neck. I'm relaxed and languid and deliriously happy. We sit in silence, just listening to the sounds of the sea and the soft flapping of the sails.
"What yeh thinkin' about Paul?" he asks, gently stroking my shoulder with his bearded chin.
"Lots a things...how lucky I am...this vacation...no work...you and Deepak...the things we did last night," I giggle and kiss the back of his hand. "I love you Danny, you know that don't you.
"I know...I love yeh too Paul."
"I wish it could be like this always."
"You'd get bored if it was."
"I don't think I would."
"Mmm, well we've got three weeks kiddo, so lets just enjoy it. Three glorious weeks together, you, me and Dee, we'll have a lot of fun, it'll be the best vacation ever."
"You promise."
"Yeah, I promise, and yeh know me Paul, I always keep a promise."
THE END
(c) Copyright 2007. narration2006@yahoo.ie
Writers, even amateurs like myself, have egos, and egos are much like the human penis, some are large, some are average and some are small but just like the penis, they like to be stroked, so if you have any comments, suggestions etc. you know what to do.