The Rabbit Hole Chapter 9: Condone & Control By Trixie Adara Edited by ALewdEditor[a]
Nadia
Nadia climbs on top of her desk while the water rises, filling her office. Everywhere she looks, everywhere, there is water. She looks up in panic, and everyone else in the office works as though nothing is happening. Her mother and father type away mindlessly on a keyboard, smiling at each other occasionally as the water covers their knees. Her sister works on a drawing, humming a song, while the water kisses her waist. Her principal is disciplining a student, one of Nadia's favorite ones, while the water rises around them. She watches in horror as the water reaches the student's neck, but the principal does nothing.
Nadia opens her mouth to scream but nothing happens. Her vocal chords don't tighten or vibrate. Her lips don't widen. They open barely, and then to do even that is a tremendous effort. She watches on silently, opening and closing her mouth like a dumb fish. She is the only one who sees, who understands. They are all going to drown. The water pours in from under the doors, from cracks in the ceiling, from the windows. They will drown and no one can save them but themselves.
She watches as Joe stands, and she thinks for a moment that he will join her on top of the desk, but he walks towards the door. He opens it, and a wave crashes against him, crushing him. Nadia winces as she hears the bones break, or at least, she tries to wince. Her body does nothing but watch passively as Joe is broken and submerged. Her lips curl into a smile as his arms flail above the surface, but his face remains below.
Nadia jumps off of the desk to her boyfriend. She struggles to wade through the water, choosing to half swim her way there. She doesn't look around at anyone else, doesn't dare notice her family disappear in the dark depths. She swims towards Joe, the only other person who seems awake in the room, and tries to save him.
As she arrives, Joe's arms go limp and he disappears into the depths. Nadia plunges down, trying to look for him, but the water is too dark, almost black. She comes back up, standing on her tiptoes as the water covers her ears. As she tilts her head up, she sees Joanna, standing impossibly tall, naked, glorious, and smiling compassionately.
The loving bimbo bends down, plants a kiss on Nadia's lips, and presses down on her shoulders. The last thing Nadia sees before the black takes her is the kind grin on her best friend.
Nadia woke up with a gasp and rolled over to the side of the bed all in one motion. She sat up and put her head in her hands.
"Only a dream," she whispered. "Only a dream."
As she caught her breath, she felt the warm body of Joanna wrap itself around her.
"Another?" she asked.
"Yeah," said Nadia. "The same one."
"Awww, hun. I'm so sorry."
Joanna's arms curled up over Nadia's shoulders and she gently placed her chin there. "Have you talked to Penny about it?"
"How can I? I think it's about her."
"Because I turn into me?"
"Well ... yeah." Nadia shrugged off Joanna's embrace and stood. She didn't like discussing Joe's transformation, especially now that it turned her on so much, especially when it came from Joanna's mouth. She paced around the room, and eventually went to her closet and got a huge t-shirt to cover herself.
"If it's about Penny, maybe she can help you. She can fix it."
"Maybe." Nadia paced back and forth, biting on the side of her pointer finger. "But what if it's my mind shaking off her control? What if there is some part of her that fades, that slips? What if ..." Nadia took a deep breath. She knew the next word. These past months, living beneath Penny, living for Penny, operating as her stage hand, working on the experimental drug, finding new participants, during all of it, whenever she wasn't Dolly, there was a small thought nagging at her. It wormed its way through her mind, but she couldn't leave it there. She needed someone outside her mind, outside of Penny's influence, and Joanna was anything but that. It was a risk to speak it aloud. Joanna could run upstairs and tell Penny immediately. She could pin Nadia down and bring back Penny to wipe away all doubt, all thought. Nadia could be trapped as Dolly forever. But what if it was wrong? What if this was all wrong? Penny was god, Nadia knew that to her core, but should god punish people the way Penny did? Should she make it feel so ... good to see other people destroyed? Because even if Penny loved it, if Penny wanted it, did Nadia want it? She participated. She gave Penny ideas. She enjoyed the fate of Dr. Tuminaro. She loved seeing him beg for cum and lick it off the floor. She got to watch his wife catch him with three men fucking him at once. It was the most beautiful and erotic scene she'd ever seen. But the darkness ... He didn't want that. Penny wanted it. Nadia wanted it. Nadia asked her goddess to make it happen and it happened. Penny planned worse for Joanna. And what if ... what if she had something similar planned for Nadia? She only had these moments of clarity in the middle of the night, right after a nightmare. If she went back to sleep, if she found herself around Penny again, she'd go back to being perfectly happy. She wouldn't mind any of this in the slightest. She'd be turned on, content, and submissive. She'd be Nadia, the Cruel or Dolly, the Empty Toy. "We should go," said Nadia quickly. She turned to look at Joanna and bit her pointer finger again. "Right now." "Go?" giggled Joanna. "Where on earth would we go?" "Anywhere. Away. Someplace ... safe. Someplace far." "Where could be safer than with Penny?" "You're right," sighed Nadia. She knew it would be impossible to convince Joanna. Joanna wasn't simply under Penny's control. She was Penny's creation. "I was just feeling a little anxious. You know, with the nightmares and all." "You want to go talk to Penny?" "She hates to have her sleep disturbed," lied Nadia. "She does?" "Yeah. She doesn't get a lot of it, so when she does sleep, she wants absolute peace." That part, from what Nadia had seen, was the truth. In her time with Penny as Nadia--not Dolly--she could only recall seeing Penny fall asleep a handful of times. Each of them were after tears and begging to be held. Never any other time. "I have some pills you could take," suggested Joanna. "What kind?" "I don't know. Funny words." Nadia sighed. "Do you know where Penny keeps Dr. Tuminaro? I could ask him." "Oh yeah, good idea." Joanna yawned and slid herself back under the covers. "She keeps him in her office now that she never uses it." "Permanently?" "Yeah. In a chair or something." Joanna rolled to one side, away from Nadia. "You should go talk to him." "Yeah." Nadia went to Joanna and kissed her on the forehead. "I will. Goodnight." "Goodnight, beautiful lady," sighed Joanna. She was adorable with her eyes closed. When Nadia looked at her, she could tell that she used to be Joe. You could see it in her face, her lips. Nadia could imagine Joanna with shorter hair, with a bushy eyebrows, with no tits. She could see her former boyfriend in her current bestfriend, but it was like a ghost that haunted her body, not a person. But she could never imagine Joe speaking to her with such tenderness, such patience, such affection. Perhaps Joanna was an improved Joe. Perhaps what Penny did wasn't so bad. But Joanna deserved to make her own life, ruined as it may be from Penny. She deserved freedom and choice. She deserved her free will that was savagely stolen from her. Nadia began packing. She didn't have much time, and things would have to move quickly now. She filled bags with her clothes and basic possessions, and without any hesitation, she packed bags for Joanna as well.
Upstairs, Nadia crept through Penny's apartment. Penny made sure they had keys so they could enter or exit without her help. She sometimes had them cook her breakfast or clean up and give Harold time off as punishment if they displeased her. They were her additional servants, her sex-slaves, and that meant she freely gave them access to her life. She owned them completely, right? There should have been no risk involved.
The office was unlocked, and when Nadia opened the door, she almost gagged. The room reeked. There was sweat and semen, she knew both of those smells instantly. There was another, almost like vinegar. It was sharp and sour, and as Nadia entered, she realized it was urine.
Inside the room, strapped to a chair, was Dr. Tuminaro. He looked thinner. He was naked except for a chastity cage around his cock. He was covered in several sticky liquids and half asleep. In front of him was the only clean surface in the room: his laptop. From here, Penny made sure he kept working for her. Nadia could only imagine the depraved things Penny did with the doctor in this room. Lately, she didn't watch Penny's sessions. She had been on the road, doing shows with Penny and Joanna, turning an innocent couple or skeptic at each show. It seemed Dr. Tuminaro received the worst of Penny's considerable wrath.
Nadia unstrapped the doctor. He rolled to one side, and she hesitated to catch him. She didn't want to touch him at all, so he fell to the floor softly and woke up. Quickly, Nadia jumped to his side and clamped a hand over his mouth. His eyes were wide with terror, but he quickly calmed down when he saw Nadia.
"I'm not going to hurt you," whispered Nadia. "I want to free you. You understand?"
Dr. Tuminaro nodded.
"You're going to be quiet?"
He nodded again.
"Good." Nadia took her hand off his mouth. "Do you have any clothes here?"
"No," whispered the doctor. "She took them all."
"Okay." Nadia looked around. "I can get something, but I need you to stay here. I can't risk you wandering around. Okay?"
He nodded.
Nadia quickly went to The Rabbit Hole. There, she grabbed some basic equipment for trancing on the go: two VR headsets and headphones. Then, she went to the closet by the front door and grabbed one of Penny's long coats. It would look silly on the doctor, but it would keep them from getting arrested.
As Nadia stepped out of the closet, she heard something moving down the hallway. It sounded like a click or maybe a soft thud.
She quickly dropped low, onto her hands and knees. The sound kept approaching, back from Penny's room, from Penny's office, from The Rabbit Hole. Was she awake? Was it Harold? Was the doctor moving around?
Nadia held her breath. She put the coat and VR equipment by the door and silently moved closer to the sound. If it was the doctor, she needed to tell him to shut the fuck up. If it was anybody else, she needed to run. Right? Maybe not. As she slunk through the kitchen, she grabbed a cast iron frying pan hanging from above the stove. It was heavier than Nadia thought, and it clanked against the stovetop as she pulled it down. Nadia lowered herself beneath the eyeline of the countertops and cursed in her mind. She waited, listening to the sound getting closer. It was definitely footsteps. They didn't sound like they had shoes on, so probably not Harold. They didn't sound heavy, so probably not the doctor, but he had lost a lot of weight. It was hard to say, and she was running out of time. She reached the wall of the penthouse floor, just between the hallway leading to Penny's office and bedroom and the more public spaces. The footsteps were approaching. They stopped for a moment, and Nadia heard a door swing open. Penny's office? Would she see the doctor? Nadia stood by the side of the door and raised the cast iron frying pan. She only had one chance. If Penny got the chance to speak, Nadia would be doomed. She had to be swift and relentless. No hesitation. No missing. If Penny caught her like this, she could end up like Joanna or worse, like Dr. Tuminaro. The door to the kitchen opened slowly. Nadia saw Penny step past her. Her hair was in disarray and her hands were clenched. She was tense. She knew something was wrong. "Show yourself," she commanded. Nadia felt the puppet strings of her words pull on her limbs. The air around Penny seemed to shimmer or shake. Nadia had to obey. This was her goddess. Penny made realities. She made people and personalities. The human mind created the world in its senses and perceptions, and Penny ruled the mind. There was no resisting her. Nadia stepped forward into the hall light and lowered the cast iron frying pan with all her strength onto the back of Penny's head. Penny turned towards Nadia just in time for the pan to miss the top of her head, hitting more to the side. Nevertheless, Penny crumpled to the floor. Nadia looked at her goddess, her friend, her lover. Penny always looked so peaceful, so innocent, when she slept. The same was true now, but a sinister rivulet of blood trickled down her neck and onto the floor. The sight of it woke Nadia up to the reality. She had no time to waste. She ran into Penny's office and grabbed the doctor. As she passed Penny's body, she turned and ran into Penny's bedroom, grabbing her cellphone. Then, she and the doctor went back to the door and grabbed the trancing equipment and wrapped a coat around the doctor. Nadia didn't look back as she closed the door behind her. She couldn't afford the temptation.
Nadia paced back and forth inside the shitty motel room she had found. They used all the spare cash they had on them to get across the city. They couldn't use any cards or anything traceable. Penny would try that first. She'd also track their phones. After Nadia used Penny's phone to call for an ambulance, she smashed it and threw it off the balcony of her apartment in different directions. Paying for the motel was tricky. Nadia offered the clerk a blowjob from Joanna if he would let them pay tomorrow. That felt awful, but it worked. For now, they were safe. Unless Penny had more trackers and could miraculously heal from a severe head wound, they had bought themselves a few days to distance themselves from her. Joanna was sleeping on the bed, the VR headset over her eyes and headphones over her ears. Nadia couldn't risk a fight with her and decided putting her in trance was the easiest way to move her. Dr. Tuminaro was outside, pacing around the different rooms. He had some sort of psychotic break and wouldn't stop repeating "that bitch" and "the Queen of Hearts" over and over. When Nadia couldn't stand it anymore, she sent him outside. His muttering started about halfway through their ride to the motel, Nadia felt this huge weight shift off of her body, a cloud removed from her mind. It was as though her mind was wearing sunglasses, unable to see things clearly. Then, suddenly, the sunglasses were gone and the whole situation crashed around her. She felt the weight of her decisions to join Penny. She knew with perfect clarity how terrible the things she did were, how terrible the things Penny made her do were. She felt a new weight on her, one of immense guilt, but she couldn't dwell on them. As her mind cleared, so did Dr. Tuminaro's. That was when his mind broke. Nadia knew if she took the trancing devices off of Joanna, the same thing would happen to her. Suddenly, she would be Joe trapped in Joanna's body. She would remember everything she'd ever done and despair. She wouldn't have the guilt that Nadia did. No. She'd break down like the doctor. Her best friend would be gone and replaced with a babbling version of her ex-boyfriend. But she couldn't play the passive role anymore either. The trancing devices were more of The Rabbit Hole. Joanna was being programmed to love cock, to serve men, to think less, to never question. She couldn't pay the price of their stall tactic, but she didn't know what to do when Joe woke up. Nadia took a deep breath and took the headset off along with the headphones. She stepped back as though Joanna was a bomb, and stared as her eyes fluttered. Strangely, she found herself admiring Joanna's long eyelashes. She was beautiful in an exaggerated way--as though as she was a parody of true beauty. There was so much about her to desire, and so much about her to be disgusted with: her comically big tits, her overly plump lips, the vacant look in her eyes, the exaggerated movement of her hips and ass. And yet, she was so innocent to that all, as though it were all an accident. It was a strategic attempt of Penny's to seduce men to use her, but it wasn't Joanna's plan. She was simply Joanna, dealing with the consequences of her absurd attractiveness. "Joe?" asked Nadia. "Ugh," sighed Joe, his voice deeper, though not as deep as it was before Joanna, as he raised his hand to his forehead. "What the fuck ..." He looked hungover as he closed his eyes and turned his head to one sigh. "How do you feel?" "I just ... one second, okay, babe?" "Yeah," whispered Nadia. "One second."
Suddenly, Joe shot up. "Holy shit!" He looked down at his body, but surely couldn't see past his tits. "Holy fucking shit!" He was in a pink tank-top that pretty much only covered his nipples, acting more as a bralette than a shirt, and tight black yoga pants. Joanna normally slept in much less, so he was lucky to get this much coverage.
"Joe," said Nadia, quickly moving to his side. "It's okay."
"What the fuck?!" he shouted. "What the actual fuck?" He scrambled away from the spot in the bed where he was, away from Nadia, as though by moving, he could escape his body. "Fuck!" he shouted as he looked down again. "Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" It was building up to shrieking as he went around the room, looking down at his tits, turning and looking at his shaved and shapely legs, his long and pink nails.
Nadia followed him, but he ran into the bathroom. He didn't need to look, the memories would come back to him, wouldn't they? Or was Penny's power fading separate from the trancing she'd done to him?
Nadia went into the bathroom. Joe had calmed down. He was turning and looking at himself, examining every inch of his body. He ran his hands through his long hair. It was real. He gripped his tits. They were fake, but they were really fake.
"It wasn't a dream," she whispered. "I'm sorry."
"This is me?"
"Yeah."
"Holy shit." He lifted his yoga pants and looked down at his pantiless crotch, smooth and real. "Fuuuuuuuuuuck," he sighed. Slowly, he sank to his knees. "That bitch."
Then, the anger broke. Shock set in and with shock came terror and with terror came the realization that this was real. This was real and there was no going back. This was real and this was his life now. This was real and Penny had won, all over a few flippant comments at a stage show.
The tears came, and Joe closed the door on Nadia, separating himself from her as he covered his face and began to sob quietly. Nadia sank to the floor, powerless to help him, powerless to make it alright. It wasn't alright. There was nothing sexy or kinky about any of this. Penny had done a terrible thing. She treated their lives, their minds, like playgrounds, but as soon as the illusion was over, there were broken people in her wake. They were powerless to reverse it: their fate was sealed by gods and goddesses.
"I'm sorry," Nadia said to door. "I'm so sorry."
There was a long pause. Nadia waited for the door to open, for Joe to say something, but there was nothing. There was just the yawning void of all Penny had ruined. There was consequences of her temptation and curiosity. There was the devastation of Joe's cruelty and his punishment, earned or undeserved. There was regret. Nadia had never felt it so keenly as she did now. Regret on regret, pain on pain, the absolute certainty that the world was a worse place, a darker place, and you helped make it that way.
"It's not your fault," said Joe finally, his voice thick from crying.
"I brought you to the show."
"Don't do that. You know whose fault it is."
"I guess."
As horrible as it sounded, Nadia struggled to put all the blame on Penny. Something about her felt like a child lashing out more than a predator. Sure, she overreacted to Joe at the time, but Joanna told her all the horrible things Joe did to other women. He would make Nadia feel guilty, so she would talk to him out of obligation. He did that on purpose. It was all calculated. He played women, and when they wouldn't play along, sometimes he took what he wanted by force. He wasn't a good man, but Penny didn't know that when she took him.
And what about Dr. Tuminaro? He was experimenting on people without their permission. That's illegal and cruel. He did deserve punishment, but did he deserve whatever Penny did to him? Did anyone deserve that?
No. Probably not. She had always gone too far, as though she felt perpetually backed into a corner. She was a tigress, lashing out at those that pressured her, scared her, tried to chase her into the cage. Maybe you put that tiger down, or maybe you set it free.
"I'm disgusting," whispered Joe.
"What?"
The bathroom door slowly swung open. Joe was standing there, naked now, staring at himself in the mirror. His eyes were puffy and wet, snot dripped from his nose, and his face was one of total loathing.
"I'm disgusting," he repeated.
"No you're not."
Nadia stood up and came into the bathroom. She stood behind Joe, looking over his shoulder at Joanna, her best friend in the ongoing darkness of the past few weeks.
"I look like some plastic toy. Like ... God, she made me ... she made me ..."
The tears well up, and Joe scrunches his face into another mask of pain, sending the tears back down his cheeks. Nadia tries to say something, but she doesn't know what Joe knows. Some memories come back slowly. Does he remember being stupid? Does he remember being used freely and often by strangers? Do the sensations come back, or is it like watching someone else? For Nadia, it was like watching a movie, especially when she was Dolly. It was something that happened to her, not something she was present for.
What could she say that would make it better? What could she do?
Nadia wrapped her arms around Joe from behind. His body was still Joanna's; a body Nadia knew well. A body that held her, that comforted her, that enticed and seduced her. She would put her head on Joanna's lap while they watched movies, and Joanna would run her hands through Nadia's short hair, petting her. Was that all Joanna? All some construct from Penny's imagination? Did she have Penny to thank for that or Joe?
"I can't separate all that happened from what was me and what was her," said Nadia, turning her cheek against the back of Joe's shoulder.
"I can," said Joe. "It wasn't me that ... that ... did all those things."
"But was it you when you told a joke?" asked Nadia. "What that Penny or was that Joe?"
"I don't know."
"Or when you argued with me? When you comforted me? Was that Penny or Joe?"
Joe said nothing. After a moment, he turned and faced Nadia. He hugged her, holding her there, and Nadia hugged him back. It wasn't entirely like hugging Joanna, but it was nothing like hugging Joe. Joe could never come back, not entirely. The trauma of Penny would linger on his identity forever. Neither could Nadia come back. Penny had opened a door she always wanted open. Penny had gone too far, but Nadia could feel even now, that being Dolly would be better than dealing with the weight of humanity.
"I'm ugly," whispered Joe. "That's the worst of it. When I walk around like this, people will know what I've done. They will know what I'm good at, what I'm good for. I can't hide what she's done to me from everyone who looks at me."
"You're not ugly." Nadia stepped away from Joe and turned him around. She stepped to the side so they could both look at Joanna's body. Her chest was huge, porn star huge, and her shoulders were slumped forward from the weight of them. Her hair was dirty blonde and wavy, flirting with curly, cascading over her shoulder and down her back. Her lips were plump and full. Her eyes were large, and her long eyelashes made them seem larger. Her face was soft and long, pointed with a strong jawline at the bottom. She had a piercing in her nose and several along her ear and some type of tribal tattoo on her right wrist and outer hand. Nadia knew that if she turned around, they would see the tattoo along her lower back saying "easy." She had a belly button piercing what dangled down an inch and a smooth, plump pussy. She did look like a porn star, but without the confident look, the desire to seduce or take. There was an innocence there that always attracted Nadia to her.
Behind the innocence was a storm of worry and intelligence that Joanna never had. This was Joe, analyzing his new body, worried about what others would think. He was vulnerable, scared, angry, and despairing. His world was over. There was no way he could go back to his old life and no way he could go back to Penny now. What other option was there?
A new start.
"I think you're beautiful," said Nadia.
"What?" asked Joe. He stepped back as he said it, almost afraid of the words.
"I know that's new for you to hear." Nadia stepped to the side and turned, facing Joe while he looked at his body in the mirror. "But you are beautiful."
"These?" Joe cupped his huge tits and raised them, then let them drop. His upper body bent at the weight of his tits falling.
"Yes." Nadia stepped forward and cupped Joe's breasts. "These are beautiful." She bent down and lightly kissed them.
Joe stepped away. "Stop."
Nadia looked up. She had seen that face before, that fear and panic, on Penny. She held his gaze and stepped closer. "You're beautiful," she repeated.
"Stop saying that." Joe walked out of the bathroom and into the bedroom.
Nadia followed. "Why? It's true. You don't see it? Fine. Welcome to being a woman. There is no inner beauty. You can't conjure it out of positive thinking. It is bestowed upon us by those that love us, those we trust."
"Stop," said Joe, but his heart wasn't in it. "I'm not. I'm ugly. I'm disgusting."
Nadia followed him to the door of the motel room. There he stopped and faced her, and again she pressed upon him, cupping his breasts once more.
"These," she said, kissing them gently, "are beautiful." She kissed them again, and Joe didn't pull away. "They are big, but they are yours. They are yours, and they are beautiful. They are beautiful, and you are beautiful." She traced tiny kisses, light as feathers, light as snowflakes, over Joe's skin. When she finally kissed Joe's nipples, he sighed and arched his back into it. Nadia took the invitation to partly open her mouth and take the hardening nipple inside. She sucked on them lightly, barely flicking them slowly with her tongue, like a massage. Joe's moans grew louder as he bent his knees into it, losing control.
Nadia pulled her mouth away, and Joe whimpered. "Let me show you what I see," she said as she pulled Joe to the bed. Joe laid down, relaxing and looking at Nadia. Joe had never looked at her that way before, but Joanna had done so many times. It was a look of desperation, of lust, of patience, of desire, of ... a kind of love. Nadia smiled to see her old friend back, even if for a moment.
She bent down over Joe and began to kiss his thighs. "These are beautiful." She kissed down to Joe's polished toes. "These are beautiful and look fantastic in heels." She switched to the other foot and kissed her way up. She kissed past Joe's thigh and to his belly button. She kissed that, and slid her tongue down, swirling it over Joe's belly button. "I love this new piercing on you." He gasped and spread his arms, clenching the sheets of the bed. His breathing increased, his eyes closed, and his body clenched as Nadia moved her kisses up his body to his breasts. She kissed under his breasts at first, the often ignored flesh between breast and chest. It's delightfully sensitive, and Joe squirmed under her kisses.
Nadia took her time with Joe's breasts. As a male, he'd rarely had his breasts properly worshipped, and she wanted to show him the wonders of his new body. Somewhere inside of Joe were all the memories of being Joanna. He could access those again, even if he couldn't be her all over. He could find the joy in being her. She kissed small circles over his breasts, avoiding the nipples as long as she could.
"Please," begged Joe. "Please kiss them."
"Kiss what?" asked Nadia, smiling through more and more kisses.
"My nipples," whined Joe.
"I thought they were ugly?" teased Nadia.
"I don't care. Please, please kiss them."
"Say they're beautiful."
"They're beautiful. They're so beautiful. Just please, please kiss them."
"As you wish," said Nadia, and lightly kissed Joe's nipples. He arched his back, and she let him slide them into her mouth, where she could suck on them. Nadia reached up and ran her hands through Joe's hair. "I love your beautiful hair," she said, tugging on it slightly. She straddled him now, pinned him between her legs with her mouth teasing his nipples, and he gripped the sheets, writhing beneath her, giving tiny gasps of pleasure.
Finally, she broke free of his nipples and continued kissing over his body. She kissed up his neck, nibbling some as she went. She moved to his ear and began to kiss there. "I love these piercings," she said and sucked on them.
That drove Joe wild as he began to thrust his hips under Nadia, his lust overcoming his shame, his fear, his every thought and doubt. Nadia pulled away and looked into his eyes.
"I love your body," she whispered. She smiled, and tears welled up in his eyes. "I love your lips," she bent down and kissed him. He kissed her back, hard, and their lips danced around and over each other. "They are yours," she said between kisses, "and they are beautiful, and I love them."
"Thank you," whispered Joe back as he kissed her. "Thank you, thank you, thank you." He kissed her and ran his hands over her back, holding her in his embrace. "I don't deserve you."
"You don't," she affirmed. "But you also don't deserve what happened to you." She ran her hands down over his nipples. He gasped. "Let's make it worth it."
She broke the kiss and slid down his body. If he was still Joanna, still her former lover, he would know to spread his legs immediately. He would know what to do and would welcome her. Instead, he held his legs tight together, looking uncomfortable and ashamed.
"This is the most beautiful," said Nadia. "This is a precious gift."
"But my ... but it's ... it's gone."
"You forget what you got in its place." Slowly but firmly, Nadia put her hands on Joe's knees and spread his legs. "Let me remind you."
Nadia lowered herself and began to lick Joe's pussy. Joe gasped, but his body was too rigid, too tense. Nadia took her time, slowly licking with long strokes over the outside of his lips. She gave the inside of his thighs little kisses, tiny licks. She was as patient with Joe as Joanna was with her the first few times.
It occurred to her now that she was fucking a woman without the influence of Penny. There was the one time with Joanna, but she panicked afterwards. This was different. She wasn't forced to serve Joanna, and neither was she tricked or seduced. She simply saw Joanna's body and the muscle memory of wanting it, lusting over it, came back to her. She could remember the sensation and tastes of her lover, and they were all good. Penny could not make them good. The goodness belonged to Nadia, and as long as it felt this way, she would follow it.
"Oh fuck," Joe moaned as Nadia parted his lips and moved to his clit. "Fuck, fuck."
"See? You don't need to hate this body," teased Nadia. She gently applied pressure with two fingers on his clit. "This body is a wonder, filled with so many pleasures."
"Fuck, fuck, fuck." Joe raised his hips, thrusting his pelvis into Nadia's fingers, into her tongue as let it gently slide over his lips, over and over.
"You like what this body can do?"
"Yesss. Oh fuck, yes."
"You think this body is beautiful?"
"Yes. Holy shit, yes."
"You want to be Joanna now?"
Joe fell silent but kept squirming, kept thrusting as she teased his body. She pressed her lips against his clit and began to flick it with her tongue. She knew she had pressed him with that question, perhaps gone too far.
"Call me Jo," she said finally. "Short for Joanna." Her voice raised a bit, regaining some of the breathiness of Joanna. It was a small step, but the right step to finding a silver lining in all this chaos.
Nadia smiled. "Alright, Jo. Cum for me. Can you do that?" Nadia lowered her head and slid her tongue deep into Jo's pussy. She put her fingers onto Jo's clit and pressed down, making small circles while wiggling her tongue inside as far as it could go.
"Oh, fuck. Yes. Yes. I'll come for you. Yes."
And she did. And afterwards, she needed reminding of how beautiful her body was. She needed reminding three more times that night. Later, Nadia would be grateful that they spent their first night from Penny fucking. Any other way would have been too dark, too depressing. Their world had fallen apart, could still fall apart more, but now there was only a new chapter, new exploration, and new acceptance.
In the end, their first and smallest revenge against Penny was ruining her punishment of Joe. He made a beautiful woman, a happy woman, and a wonderful lesbian.
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