-----BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE-----
Tuck In The Laundry -*- Copyright 2003 by Ellen Hayes.
Any resemblance between the writings in this work, and any actual persons or places, living or dead, are purely coincidental, except when used for satirical purposes.
This work contains adult situations, adult language, adult concepts, and possibly sex. If you are legally not allowed to read materials containing such things, then you will be breaking the law by reading this. I am not responsible. Continuing to read this document, or storing it or reproducing it in any format means that you explicitly affirm that you are legally allowed to possess and read such materials in your city, county/parish, state, and country.
All rights reserved. See the bottom for distribution rights.
Tuck In The Laundry
*** 01:17 30 Sep
As we were waiting in line to get inspected, I sneezed, and I felt something come loose. Oh no, I thought, starting to panic, because I could feel it sliding out of my boxers. I tried lifting a foot to catch it or something, but as I did it fell out of my pants leg, bounced, and disappeared amongst the feet ahead of me. "'Scuse me," I said as I tried to retrieve it, but they pushed me back with comments about cutting in lines, and I couldn't see it anyway.
*** 01:28 30 Sep
I had a feeling that this was one of those dreams I was going to laugh about in twenty years or so, if I lived that long. But it sure as hell wasn't funny now. I still wasn't sure if I'd woken up screaming or not.
*** 05:44 30 Sep
"Oh my god," I moaned. That was a BIG lump in my armpit. I peered around, and it was even worse than I'd thought. This, I sighed to myself, is what comes from running hard for two days without bathing. I should've washed myself in the rain...
*** 05:45 30 Sep
"NnnnnnnnnnnnAHHH!" I twitched as the zit - or abscess - finally popped with a searing flash of pain. I was sure that if the shower hadn't been on, I'd have heard pus splattering the walls. It sure as shit was gushing now, as I kept prodding and poking it, but it hurt less and less as I did it more and more. I tried very hard not to think about what was running down my side...
"pHisoHex," I decided very shortly thereafter. I might give myself skin cancer with the surgical soap, but it would be CLEAN cancer.
*** 06:53 30 Sep
Kim and Jill drove up, and I had to fight an urge to yell at them or drive away suddenly or something. I was getting seriously tired of seeing that car; but this was one place I should expect to see it.
*** 06:55 30 Sep
"What got up your ass last night?" Kim wanted to know.
"Nothing got up my ass last night," I said back. I'd have kicked her, but she'd cleverly parked so that her side of the car was away from me. She'd planned this, I figured.
Jill laughed as she got out. "I thought Kim said you had a date with Travis last n-"
"SHUT the fuck up!" I hissed as I swiped at her. "If someone heard that..."
"Oh shit," she gasped as she looked around in a panic, like I was doing. It didn't seem like there was anyone around who had heard it, or that there was anyone (besides Kim) close enough. I hoped and prayed.
"'Nother great start to the day," Kim sighed. My armpit hurt.
*** 08:03 30 Sep
"Oh great," I sighed, as the speaker blared on about the Nuremberg I mean pep rally we were going to have Friday. "Just what I need."
"Gotta get everybody perky for Homecoming," Kim sighed. She did not look perky at the thought of Homecoming.
"Hey Tuck," Jill grinned, and I REALLY wanted to hide now.
"What?" I finally got up the courage to ask.
"How many of us are you taking to Homecoming?"
As I tried to figure that one out, Kim snorted, then started to laugh.
*** 09:52 30 Sep
"Faggot," someone said, and this time I caught it. Then I caught the hand and dropped a bit, for better grounding of my chi, and pulled the hand and wrist and the rest of the attached body around in part of a circle, until I could get a nice fat kick-pad to kick. Which I did, and Derek from last year's gym class went sprawling away.
"I shoulda stayed in the woods," I sighed to myself as I ran like hell for class; he'd stay down maybe five seconds, and I'd probably need all of them.
*** 10:44 30 Sep
"Jesus, Tuck, you look like shit."
"Hi Mike," I sighed. My armpit hurt. "Nice to see you too."
Amanda apologized, "You really do look bad. Are you okay?"
"Yeah-"
"No," Mike answered.
"I am! I just-"
"You're still not sleeping, are you," he stated. "I need to do something about that; I have a little party planned for Thursday night."
"A party? What kind of stupid-" He kicked me and made a sign, as Amanda just looked confused, and then I got it. "Oh, a party-party," I nodded.
"And you need to be well-rested for it." Which I did; a party like he was planning was no time to be having hallucinations and fainting spells.
"Can I come?" Amanda asked.
Mike and I both agreed, "No." "It's not that kind of party," Mike added.
*** 11:31 30 Sep
"So," Mike said, as Sabrina turned away with a wave to go hang with the non-gaming members of the Pack, "you ready for today?"
"Yeah, lemme go get Kelly, though," I said, looking for her.
"'Kay, let me put my stuff down and I'll go with you," Mike said, and he went off to the corner we had infested while I kept looking around.
It didn't take me long to find Kelly, though, since she was in the middle of a disturbance that had Kelly in the middle of a swarm of freshthing girls, who seemed to be making fun of her.
I whistled, a long and two shorts, and went over and pulled an arm of one of the things to get her away from Kelly. "Hey, leave my Little Sister alone," I said as I let go.
"Who the hell are you, her girlfriend?!" the little fish-bitch sniped at me.
"No," I snapped back before I thought about it, "I'm YOUR girlfriend, and what did I tell you you little slut about talking to other-" She slapped me hard across the face, then, which hurt. On the other hand, I heard a few answering whistles behind me, which was like audio endorphins. I said very slowly, "You'd better not hit me ag-"
I saw it coming in time to grab her elbow and yank and twist her around and kick out her knees and body-block her front-first into the lockers. Then I danced away and took Kelly with me.
The other girl came up in a rage, but instead of finding me still standing there she found George, who had gotten a lot more intimidating since all that fresh air and sunlight and farm food and being stretched on a rack over the summer, all of which had made him a lot taller. He leered, "Hey babe we like it rough too," and slammed a fist into his other hand, which made me cringe, but made the other girl gasp and scramble to get away before he touched her, like all her 'friends' were already doing. "Come on, let's you and me par-TAY, baby!" George hollered right before he lunged, and they took off in a bleating flock.
*** 11:35 30 Sep
"It was her, that girl I told you about," Kelly breathed as she stared into some horrific thing, with her arms wrapped tight enough around her own middle to hurt.
"Which one?" I made the mistake of asking. She just stared at me with this terribly betrayed look. "The, uh, the one you asked if she wanted to go see a movie?" I guessed, and her head jerked spastically. "And that was what they were all yelling at you about?" She nodded again. "Oh, shit," I sighed.
"Whot's this oll about?" Dan asked in an English accent.
"Classified, ask Kelly," I told him. "But something not socially acceptable."
"Fuckem," Dan suggested.
"Yeeeee," I commented, "with a chainsaw maybe, but I wouldn't want to touch 'em without an isolation suit on."
"Wha'do I DO?!" Kelly demanded.
"FUCKEM!" Dan insisted.
"NO! They're DISEASED!"
Kelly snarled at us and looked around and left. I turned around to see where the hell she was going, and saw her homing in on Kim. That's all right, I thought.
*** 11:39 30 Sep
"How," Kim asked from behind me, "can you be so gentle and understanding one week, and such a shit the next?"
"Me? George's influence," I claimed. George grinned happily, until Dan hit him.
"Ohhhhhh yeaaaaaaah," Kim said and nodded very slowly in disbelief.
"Kim?"
"What?"
"If they see her running off crying, what are they going to know? That, whether she is or not, calling her that hurts her tremendously. Which is sort of like blood in the water; she's wounded there, and they'll keep slicing her there until she loses it and then they will completely destroy her. You can't let 'em see you hurt," I said directly to Kelly, who was sort of hiding behind Kim.
"How is she ever supposed to make friends with that kind of attitude?" Kim demanded.
"Well," I said loudly to pre-empt Mike's sermon on Freaks Versus Pods, "I guess she has to hang with people who don't torture her for what she thinks, even if it's not what other people think. You know any group of people like that?" I asked, staring at Kim hard.
She just looked at me.
"So!" George said loudly. "Now that we have our comrade back," he nodded at Kelly, "we gonna play, or are we gonna sit around and blab?"
"You are such an asshole!" Kim said, sounding shocked, like she'd never noticed until now.
"Jes' part of mah charm, ma'am," he said, and tilted an imaginary hat at her.
*** 14:33 30 Sep
I was almost out Rachel's door when I remembered that I had another date with Travis tonight, and that I ought to dress up a little for this one, since the last one hadn't gone that well. "Damnit," I sighed, and shut the door and went back up the stairs.
*** 15:02 30 Sep
"Whew," I sighed at Ricky as he got in the car. "I am about ready for summer vacation again."
"Me too," he agreed sadly. "I wish I never had to go to school."
*** 15:16 30 Sep
"...And I can get yours too, if you want," I offered, as usual.
"Oh great," Miz Parker sighed, sounding relieved. I know I would have sounded like that if someone offered to do MY laundry.
*** 16:06 30 Sep
"VALERIEEEEEE!" Ricky screamed, and I ran to see what was so horribly wrong. We met at the top of the stairs, and he started babbling, "Thebasementsfloodingbadanditshotwateranditseverywhereandits NOT MY FAULT!" he screamed.
Stella screamed in counter-fear in my arms, and so I got out of Ricky's way as I yelled, "Back to the kitchen!" I didn't remember picking Stella up, but I guess I had.
*** 16:08 30 Sep
"Gawdalmighty," I sighed. There was water fountaining upwards from behind the washing machine, and it was indeed starting to fill the basement, and quickly too.
"It's hot too!" Ricky warned me.
"Thanks," I said absently, and began plotting. "Oh crap isn't that dryer electric?!"
*** 16:09 30 Sep
Thankfully, someone had rubber boots in the hall closet, which were not too small - in fact, they were way big - so I could maybe get to the main breaker. Which was, naturally, in the basement. Wet feet and 220VAC was not my idea of a good combination.
*** 16:10 30 Sep
"A towel's not gonna help!" Ricky shrieked in enraged anguish.
"Watch and learn something," I told him, before I realized I might want a garbage bag as a hood over my head and hair. Hair would hold hot water next to my skin longer, and I particularly liked my eyes uncooked.
*** 16:11 30 Sep
Well, the floor around the breaker box wasn't even damp yet, but I didn't mind that. One #clack# and the whole house went dark. That's why I carry a Mini-Maglite...
*** 16:12 30 Sep
I had to hold a towel in front of me like a demented shield, but it DID keep the very hot water from hitting my skin; and the rubber dishwashing gloves kept it off my hands.
Unfortunately, the leak wasn't up near the top, so I had to back off, find something to stand on, and then push it with my body in front of me until I was against the washer, then stand on it so I could get on top of the washing machine and THEN reach down behind it with the towel, and slowly feel my way towards the leak.
That took forever, and my hands were starting to cook, when I finally got the towel over the leak, which meant I could wrap the towel around the pipe and not get sprayed with too-hot water. I held that one on with one hand as I whipped off one of the ones around my neck and added that, and then I had enough material around the leak and suppressing the spraying hot water that I could start tying the towels together and to the pipe.
All this was simply to allow me to safely reach waaaay down behind the washing machine and find the cut-off valve and shut it. I found that the Parkers or the service-fuckhead had attempted to weld the faucet in position, but it turned eventually after I cursed it enough.
A few squeaks, and then everything was quiet.
"Shhhhhhhhhhhewwwwwwwwww," I sighed as I rocked back on my legs.
*** 16:15 30 Sep
"Because we need to replace that hose," I told Ricky.
"Now?"
"Yes!"
"You can do that?"
"I can do anything," I told him. It wasn't like a washing machine hot-water hookup was that much of a challenge.
*** 16:36 30 Sep
"Hot water hose for a washing machine," I told the clerk. "Four feet or better."
*** 16:51 30 Sep
"Why are all these people leaving work early?!" I shrieked at them. There were a lot more cars than there had been twenty minutes ago.
"Idunno!" Ricky shrieked back. Stella just began wailing from the back seat.
*** 17:03 30 Sep
"Of course it's rusted itself on the... bloody..." I let out a gasp and stopped for a minute. It was either amazingly hot in here, or I was working a lot harder than usual. Both, I sighed. I put the big channel-lock pliers back on the connection and adjusted them, then closed my eyes and did some deep breathing for several seconds.
"HAIIIIII!" as I levered sideways, and the thing finally jerked loose. Unfortunately, so did I, dropping the pliers behind the washing machine as I banged my head into something, then rocked myself entirely off the washing machine. "Aiii!" I said, feeling much less chi.
*** 17:19 30 Sep
The washing machine started right back up.
"HAH!" I screamed in triumph. "TAKE IT, B-" No, not that word, I realized JUST in time.
*** 17:30 30 Sep
"Hah, hah, hhh..." The floor looked only damp, at this point, rather than 'wet' or 'underwater', which it what it had looked like earlier. "I think, I'm finished," I gasped to myself as I leaned on the mop. I was, just about.
*** 17:32 30 Sep
I opened the oven door and a cloud of toxic gas came out and partially roasted my face and destroyed my nasal passages. "AwSH-" I started to yell, but luckily the sneezing started then, so I didn't get to finish.
I wasn't done sneezing when the lower floor smoke alarm went off.
*** 17:38 30 Sep
"Hello?"
"Miz Parker? It's Valerie, I-"
"Oh hi Valerie," she responded.
"Hi... Um, what do you and Mister Parker like on your pizza?"
Pause.
"Why?"
"This is too long a story to tell over the phone," I sighed.
*** 18:29 30 Sep
When Miz Parker got home, carrying a small stack of pizza boxes (thank Ghu, she'd offered to pick them up herself) I'd found a couple of box fans and used those to air out the kitchen, so it didn't smell that bad any more.
Her nose still wrinkled when she came in, though. "What...?"
"Okay," I sighed. "The FIRST thing that happened..."
*** 18:58 30 Sep
"Oh god," I moaned, and fell into Travis' arms.
"Hey!" he said as he caught me.
Pause, as I let someone else take over for a while.
"You, uh, Val?"
"Uhhh?" I thought I might be, but I wasn't sure any more.
"You kind of smell like smoke... Is everything okay?"
"Everything," I said carefully, "is okay now, except me."
*** 19:22 30 Sep
"Just a quickie," I promised, and locked him out of his bathroom.
*** 19:34 30 Sep
"See?" I said as I opened the door. "That didn't take..." He wasn't in here. "Travis?"
"In here," he called from his bedroom.
"See, I told you it wouldn't take that long," I told him again as I came in. He vaguely agreed, apparently stuck in a book.
I sighed, and went to go put on the nice clothes I'd brought and to do my makeup and hair.
*** 19:45 30 Sep
"Traaaaaaavis?" I pinged.
"Huh?" he ponged as he looked up from the book.
"I'm ready; are you ready?"
"Yeah," he decided, and got up. I was a little annoyed that I'd taken a shower and washed my hair and changed clothes and spent ten minutes on my makeup, and he wasn't even going to bother to comb his hair. On the other hand, he hadn't replaced a hot water hose or set fire to the dinner he was cooking, either; I'd sort of started from behind today.
*** 20:28 30 Sep
Teller's just had recorded music tonight, but that was okay; at least it wasn't loud. I wasn't in the mood for loud.
"Wow," Travis said as I finished ordering. "I think that's the most I've ever seen you eat."
"I had a bad day, and a bad week, and I'm hungry." I also hadn't eaten much over the weekend, or yesterday either. Well, yesterday I sort of had, but I'd cooked healthy for the Parkers, and then I was sort of stuck eating that when I had dinner there. I was not making that mistake tonight - there was fat in my meal and lots of it, and what wasn't fat was protein.
*** 21:53 30 Sep
"Feel better?" Travis asked as I pushed the empty ice cream dish away, and burped a tiny bit. He'd finished about a quarter of my dinner, but that's because I'd been saving room for this. I needed it.
"Ooooohyeah," I smiled.
I heard a buzzing noise.
"Oohhh shit."
"What?"
"S'my pager, and whoever it is, I don't want to talk to 'em right now," I sighed.
"No, you should answer it," Travis ordered. "Or at least look at it. I mean, I was calling you, and when you didn't answer after a day or two-"
"Alright alright," I sighed as I got up.
*** 21:55 30 Sep
"Out at Teller's with Travis," I told Mike. "Last night didn't go so well, as a date; I fell asleep and he threw me out, made me go home."
"Well, at least one of you has some sense," Mike said.
I thought for a second, then smirked, "Yeah, I know, but he IS really cute!"
"Wh- Shut up, Tuck," Mike complained. One for me, I marked in the air. "You didn't extend your curfew, so you'd better be getting home soon anyway."
"Oh, could y-"
"No, I won't, not this time. You need to sleep."
"Mike!"
*** 21:59 30 Sep
"Mike said, my curfew's coming up, and he's not going to let me extend it, and if I try he's going to tell my dad not to let me. Jerk," I snarled.
"Why?"
"Oh, he's just being a wuss."
"Does it have anything to do with what happened over the weekend?"
"What? Um, kind- No," I realized. "Not really. He said I'm tired and I need to sleep more, and so he wants me- This is Mike, now, not my dad or anyone like that," I put in for clarity, "and he said I needed to come home and sleep instead of staying out with you."
As he pushed his chair back, he said, "Well, I guess we'd better-"
"TRAVIS!" I gasped. "WHY are you taking his SIDE?!"
*** 22:03 30 Sep
Crying wouldn't have done any good. Unusually, though, I hadn't started; normally I'd be sobbing my face off by now, I was so frustrated. I figured I deserved a reward for my self-control. "Come on, you can kiss me here AND at the house," I pointed out. "Besides, you owe me."
"I owe you?" he repeated, looking amused.
"For making me go home tonight!" I pouted. "Come on," I pleaded. "Is it that bad?"
He laughed, said no, and put his arms around me. He didn't really get a chance to kiss me, though; I was already kissing him, and he couldn't get away, since I'd cleverly backed him against his truck.
*** 22:06 30 Sep
I broke the kiss and looked around, because I'd thought I heard someone from school, and someone I didn't want to run into while I was having a nice evening either. But I couldn't make anyone out when I looked around.
"What?"
"Nothing..." I looked at Travis, and yawned. He laughed. "Okay, okay," I said when I could talk again. "Sleep tonight and tomorrow, and we go out Thursday night?"
"That sounds great," he agreed, and that made me happy enough I needed to kiss him again.
*** 22:44 30 Sep
"And just where have you been?" Mike asked, mock-angrily, as I came in the door.
"Doing the nasty with your girlfriend," I lied.
"Hah, good luck," he said sourly. "Anyway, it's bedtime for little Tuckers."
That's what I was TRYING to do before you interfered, you jerk, I thought, but since Mom and Dad were both there, I didn't say it.
"How was your date?" Dad asked.
"Oh, it was alright... Kind of short, though. We just went out to dinner."
Apparently they were taking turns tonight, because Mom asked, "How was the sitting?"
"Oh god," I recoiled in fearful memory.
"That good?" Mom questioned.
"What?" Mike demanded suspiciously.
"Nothing!"
"LIAR!" they all chorused, now irrevocably on the scent.
"Don't make me tell this now!" I whined.
*** 22:50 30 Sep
"I think you ought to get a bonus for that one," was Mom's opinion. "Even if you did burn dinner. At least you got a backup meal in time, before everyone got home, right?" Dad was still chortling, the jerk.
I nodded confirmation. "I sure hope so... I could use a bonus." I shrugged. "I dunno... as long as she doesn't fire me, I think I'll be happy. Well, that and if the baby calms down some," I added, and Mom chuckled.
*** 23:13 30 Sep
"G'night, Jon-Boy."
"Shut up, Mike."
*** 05:42 1 Oct
"Mmmmm..." I rolled over and looked at the MacinClock, and then had to rub some library paste out of my eyes before I could read it.
Then I had to concentrate before I could make sense out of it.
No, I had to go to the bathroom. I could make sense out of it later, I decided.
*** 05:46 1 Oct
"Oh, man," I sighed to myself. I felt better-rested than I had in a month, it seemed. I almost felt optimistic about going to school.
*** 06:53 1 Oct
"Where the hell WERE you last night?" was the first thing Kim said to me as she got out of her car.
"What? When?"
"I paged you at four o'clock!" she claimed angrily.
"I was BUSY!"
*** 06:57 1 Oct
"No nightmares?"
"Mike stayed over last night. I think having him around, or someone, makes me feel safe, and I can sleep like that," I explained.
"Weird," they both agreed.
"Well, maybe that's it," I joked. "I wouldn't feel safe around someone normal, would I?" They chuckled.
"So where IS Mike?" Kim asked.
I shrugged. "I dunno... I set the alarm last night for him..." I checked my watch. "Well, it hasn't gone off yet." Kim sighed.
"Ready for the test Friday?" Jill asked us.
"No? What test?" Kim asked back.
*** 07:57 1 Oct
"Tuck?"
I shook my head, trying to-
"What?" Mike demanded.
"I... Either I'm being paranoid, or there's something going on that I don't know about," I said. "I thought some kids, freshthings, were laughing and pointing at me as I came in, but... I'm not sure."
George advised, "Nuke 'em from orbit."
"It's the only way to be sure," we all chorused.
*** 10:44 1 Oct
"Mike, is it carpets or leeches today?" I asked.
"Carpets..." he answered absently, then looked up.
"Bad roll on the Wandering Asshole Table," I said, which would explain the way my hair was all messed up and why I had a footprint on my sleeve.
*** 11:33 1 Oct
"Tuck?" I flinched and looked, but it was just Pam and Kelly. Well, not 'just'. And Kelly looked like she was either going to start crying or go on a rampage.
"Yo!" Mike called and waved at them.
The faint but distinct roll of laughter, under the usual twisted murmurings of the hundreds of zombies that filled the cafeteria, was anomalous, but not, I was beginning to suspect, unrelated.
*** 11:41 1 Oct
We'd been on the run for almost a month, and if we hadn't gotten this name from the last of our contacts (who was dead now), we'd have absolutely nowhere to go. And Amanda claimed there wasn't any danger.
"Knock on the door," George said, and rapped on the table, sounding sort of firm but polite.
"There's some scuffling noises," Mike described, "like a person, or several people, moving around in there..."
"Oh no," I let slip out.
And that asshole Mike just SMILED, and said, "And the door opens."
"What ees thees?" Dan said in an Indian accent. "Who are you to be knocking at my door at this time of the night?"
George growled, "Kantil said we could find a place of safety here."
"Kantil? Oh, you are friends of Kantil? How is he!" Dan grinned.
"I thought it was a girl," George protested.
"Memory check," I said to Mike, and went a-scrolling through the log on my laptop.
"I should never have let you get that," Mike sighed, as he often did.
"It WAS a girl," I announced, "or looked and smelled like one."
"Ah hah, you HAVE met Kantil," Dan grinned, still sounding very Bay-of-Bengal. "Come in, come in, welcome to my home, friends of Kantil!"
"I've got a bad feeling about this," Book mentioned.
"You've got a bad feeling about everything that involves detailed time," I reminded him.
"Well, that's when it gets bad," he said back at me.
I admitted, "You have a point."
*** 12:03 1 Oct
"Ahhhh! Look at what you have brought down upon me!" Dan wailed. "My house, my business, all up in flames! All of our possessions are now fuel for the fire! Why, why have you done this to me?!"
"WOULD you shut UP!" I suggested. "It wasn't our FAULT!" It had been the fault of the guys with the RPG-16's, in my opinion, since they were the ones that had blown up the house.
"This is what comes from helping those of your species!" Dan snarled angrily at us. Well, maybe it was at me.
George snarled back, "Look, pal, we got you and your family out of there, so-"
"Which reminds me, they're still weeping and wailing," Mike put in.
"AhhhAAAAHHHaaahhhhh!" Jill, Kim, and Kelly all wailed at the same time, very discordantly, and making me shudder.
"Ow!" Kelly added, and stood up.
"Ow?" Jill questioned.
"Something hit me," Kelly said, staring around.
"Wasn't me," Kim claimed.
*** 12:06 1 Oct
"Grenade up his ass," Book decided quickly.
"Oh by the tail of Shiva! I am in the company of psychopathic murderers!" Dan complained fearfully.
"Ahhh-AAAAHHHH-ahhhh," the chorus sang, before giggling.
"Would you stop that! It's making me twitch!" I complained.
"Dude," Mike said, comparing rolls with Book. "BAD miss."
"Oh hell," Book commented.
"It..." Mike started. "It bounced off a light pole, and then went into the lot next door, to the, uh, left."
Book started, "Which one's-"
"The gas station?!" I spazzed. That was probably a bad place for our custom-made High-Explosive/Fragmentation/Incendiary round to ricochet into. At that point, basically everyone said at the same time some variation of 'I duck and cover'.
"Lots of fire coming from the building, and you hear a war whoop," Mike described as he did some further rolling. "Kim, you're next."
"Can I Conjure the grenade into one of the gas tanks?" she asked excitedly.
"You think of that on the way down," Mike said as he reached for the Sorcery book.
"Wait," George said, "arent't they impact fuses, on the grenade launcher rounds?"
"Um," Mike said, and thought.
"Ow! Damnit!" Kelly complained as she shot to her feet again.
"Someone's throwing ice," Dan said immediately, and I was grateful to note that he did NOT sound like a Pakistani caricature this time.
"Anyone see who?" Mike asked. When the cumulative answer was No, he ordered, "Well, keep an eye out." George mimed pulling an eyeball out. "Yeah, you do that, George, and we'll roll it that way to act as a spy-cam."
"What do I do?" Kelly complained angrily.
"Uh. Move over here," Mike suggested, patting the spot next to him, "and then keep a watch to see if they do it again."
*** 15:33 1 Oct
"Why are they paging me?!" I wanted to know. The only way I was going to find out, apparently, was to call. So I did, routing the call as usual through my room's systems.
"Randall's Paint Shop this is Ray."
"Er," I said first, not expecting this. "Um, someone just paged me from this number, uh..."
"Hello?"
I recognized the voice this time. "Mom?" This was getting str-
"We're getting your car back from the paint place," Mom said.
"Great!" That also explained a lot, which was a bonus.
"Can you bring your father's car home now?"
"No, I'm up to my elbows in pasta," I lied. "I'll bring it home tonight, I promise. Still in good shape."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes I'm sure." Please let me STAY sure...
*** 19:51 1 Oct
I had to do the dance of joy when I saw MY car, sitting in the driveway, and now a nice un-lettered single deep shade of green.
Dad, I think, saw HIS car in the driveway, and so he did the dance of joy with me. Or maybe it was against me.
*** 20:07 1 Oct
"You got a letter in the mail today," Mom mentioned to me.
"Huh? Like paper?" She rolled her eyes. "Well, jeez, Mom, most of the people I know use email. Who's it from?"
She shrugged. "I didn't look that hard. It wasn't an address I recognized, anyway."
"Huh. Where is it?"
*** 20:09 1 Oct
I didn't recognize the address either. The envelope was printed, though, not handwritten; the only way you could guess a human had touched it, ironically, was the stamp, which was cockeyed, and the return address label, with no name on it. But it was local. The stamp cancellation, I noticed, was local, too.
Hmmm, I thought, and opened it, making sure Mom wasn't watching me use a kitchen knife as a letter opener. She hated that.
Inside it was a mass-production card. I carefully pulled it out by a corner, because I was starting to get suspicious at this point, and I wanted to preserve any evidence. Probably some asshole trying some psychwar-
Debbie's signature leaped out at me.
"What?" Mom asked.
"Huh?"
"Is something wrong?"
"Why?"
Mom claimed, "You said, 'Oh shit.'"
"I did?" She nodded. "Oh. Uh..." I waved the card at her. "It's from Debbie."
"Your ex-girlfriend?" Mom confirmed.
"Yeah."
"What'd she say?"
I just handed her the card. I didn't think I needed to worry about fingerprints on it at this point.
"'Sorry to hear about your troubles'," Mom read. "Well, that's..." She trailed off, looking about a tenth as confused as I felt. "Hmm."
I nodded. "Yeah. What the heck do I do now?!"
Mom shrugged. "Call her and ask-"
"NO," I stated firmly.
Mom suggested, "Then, call one of her friends and ask them about it? Maybe she mentioned it to one of them. Or ask Sabrina."
"Do you think she's trying to mess with my head?" I blurted.
Mom thought about it, then looked at the card again. "No," she decided finally. "Or she'd have put in some kind of message to you. Hallmark doesn't make nasty cutting comment cards, you know; she'd have to make up her own."
"You don't think the card itself..."
Mom shook her head. "No. It's... I think it's what it seems on the surface, Eugene. She heard about last week, probably from all of the friends you have in common, and she's trying to be nice about it without getting face to face with you. Maybe she still has bad feelings about you?"
"I still have bad feelings about her," I admitted.
"Does she know that?"
"Uh... Probably," I agreed. She had, after all, put Kim in the position of business liaison.
"That's probably it, then," Mom affirmed. "She wants to show she cares about you, at least to the point of an employee or a business associate, and she'd rather not do it in person, for whatever reason."
I nodded. "Thanks, Mom."
"That analysis will cost you a hug," Mom smiled.
"Aw, Mom," I sighed, but I couldn't help grinning back.
*** 20:11 1 Oct
"Go AWAY! I have a test TOMORROW!" Sabrina shrieked as she threw a pencil at me. Dad just shook his head at me, I think; I was dodging at the time.
*** 20:25 1 Oct
Conference called. I wondered why they didn't take me out to a pizza place or something and do this in person.
Probably, I realized, because they were all sitting around in their underwear and not feeling like doing face time, just like I felt at the moment.
Also possibly because I'd beat them senseless and stiff them with the bill; on the other hand, unlike Kim, they were NOT talking about the issue of Me, which was just fine with me.
"Yeah, Bridget saw the whole thing, I think," Pam related. "And-"
"Bridget who?" I asked.
"Bridget Alderson, my little sister," Pam said impatiently. "If you'd come over at lunch once in a while maybe you'd get to know them?"
Yeah, while Debbie was in the vicinity not.
"Shut up and tell us about Kelly," Julia demanded.
"Oh, yeah," Pam said eagerly. "What she said- What Bridget said happened was, these two or three freshman girls were all huddled up laughing at someone, you know how you can tell when they're dishing dirt, right?"
"No?" Amanda giggled.
"They keep looking around," Julia explained, which was to my benefit even if that wasn't who she was explaining it for, "and they talk really fast and quiet except every so often they burst into sharp loud giggles and then hush each other immediately and look around a lot to see if anyone's noticed them."
"I thought girls just did that, like it was a motor reflex or something," I said, partially to be irritating.
"It is, it's reflexive dishing," Amanda giggled at me. "Shut up, Val!"
"So," Pam picked up without a gap, "they were chattering about who knows what, Bridget couldn't hear that or wasn't interested, except that she was getting stuff out of her locker and checking her schedule, and doesn't this new schedule thing suck?"
"GET ON WITH IT!"
"Okay!" She huffed, then got on with it. "So like one of them goes something like, 'Mumble mumble KNOW she's a lesbo!' and they all break up laughing. And right about then, Kelly was walking past, and Bridget said it was like she'd been shot, Kelly almost spazzed right there, and-"
"Oh noooo," I moaned, burying my face. "She didn't?!"
"Ooops," purred Julia.
"Oh yeah, and it was so, like, I dunno, obvious or something, that even Bridget looked up, and then one of the girls goes, she says to Kelly, 'YOU'RE a lesbian!' And Kelly goes 'No I'm NOT!' but you could see she turned red and stuff and she stuttered a bit, Bridget said..."
*** 20:28 1 Oct
"Well, Val, you're her big sister," Julia said, which made some others giggle. Not me, I was too busy feeling sick on Kelly's behalf. "Is she or isn't she?"
"I, uh... I dunno. She hasn't said anything about it to me or anything," I lied before Kim could say anything at all. "Why would she tell me anything like that anyway?"
Some people thought 'keeping a secret' meant just not actually blurting it out loud. Mike and I were of the opinion that if you wanted to keep a secret, you'd better act like there wasn't a secret to be kept. Too many people would say things that technically meant 'no' but- Well, it was like a lot of people would invite you to play a game of Battleship with whatever the secret was. They technically wouldn't tell, but they'd keep letting you guess and know how close you were until you had enough Clue to figure out what it was.
And these girls had way too much Clue already.
"Doesn't matter if she is or not," Julia said as I concentrated on beaming the critical message KIM SHUT UP through the phones, "though I bet she is. With that reaction, they're going to THINK she is, and I'm not sure there's anything she could do to stop it now."
Amanda asked, "It?"
"Stop them, stop people from thinking that she is a lesbian," Julia amplified.
"One little spazz at the wrong time?" I objected.
"Oooh, sister you got a LOT to learn," Julia intoned. Which also made some others giggle. But not me.
"HOW can we get people to not think that? This is still like the kiss of death socially at school, right?" I confirmed.
"Well, TUCKER," Julia said again, "everyone's been saying that YOU'RE gay since the beginning of freshman year, if not before-"
"I wasn't gay before that!" I protested, most unwisely.
*** 20:31 1 Oct
When the laughter had died down, Julia sniffled a couple of times, then asked, "Um. So how has that perception affected your general social relations?"
"I don't think it's the same thing," I argued reflexively, "since that just means 'not an asshole'," which made Amanda giggle.
"Has it been positive?" Julia pressed.
"No!"
"Well?"
Pause.
"We have to find her a boyfriend or something," Kim sighed. "At least for social use."
"I don't think she'll go for that," Julia said.
"Unless she wants to avoid the constant shit thrown at her for the next four years," I pointed out. "Bets?"
"Who, though?" Amanda asked.
Pause as we all thought. Or at least we were all quiet and I was thinking at the time.
"Midshipman James T. Cooper!" Julia said suddenly in a stern theatrical voice, and we all burst out laughing.
"Oh, no," Pam groaned through her giggles, "she'd die!"
"So would he!" I gasped. "'Oh my god a real GIRL!'"
*** 21:04 1 Oct
"No, he's..." There was an unusual noise, and I slipped off my 'phones to find out what it was. Turned out to be knocking, on my door, which probably meant it was Mom. "Oh hell, Mom's knocking, hold on," I said into the mike as I got up. "Yes'm?"
"Eugene, if you're feeling good enough to be laughing like that, then you feel good enough to come downstairs and have a discussion," she said ominously. If this had been a movie or something, there would have been a crack and rumble of thunder at that point, or at least a series of dramatic chords; all I got was giggling from the one ear that was still under the 'phones, and something that sounded like, "Oooooooooh, you're in troubllllllllllllle..."
"You guys are a lot of help. Later," I said into the mike, because Mom was standing there with her foot wedging the door open, which meant 'Now, and don't even think about trying to get out of this.' I hated it when she did that.
*** 21:36 1 Oct
"Because I don't like injections in general, and I don't like the idea of steroid-related chemicals, so-"
Mom said, "What about the allergy-" as Brian said, "Testosterone isn't a steroid!"
"One at a time," Dad mentioned, and pointed at Mom.
"What about the allergy shots?"
"I don't like those either, but Brian's not going to get rid of his cat..." I'd already asked, and offered to pay a hefty amount if I was the one to take it to the shelter. He'd refused and threatened me with several nasty things if I even thought about it again. None of them had happened, so he wasn't telepathic either, but the cat was here to stay. Alas. "... and it's better than taking Benadryl all the time. Or at least safer." Benadryl made me stoned, which could be fun, but not while I was driving or in school.
Mom started, "If you don't get the shots, Eugene-"
"Yeah, I know," I sighed, interrupting. "I will, I guess, but just not this week? Give me some time to get used to the idea. Maybe I could alternate shots, or something..."
"Better to get 'em both at once," Dad lied.
"Testosterone isn't a steroid," Brian repeated.
Mom contradicted, "Yes, it is."
*** 22:11 1 Oct
I sat down on my bed, exhausted, and saw my bear, that Travis had given me, and I just started to cry. I wasn't sure why, but it hurt, whatever it was.
*** 02:07 2 Oct
Not only did I not want to think about the nightmare I'd just had, I wasn't going to write it down either. It was too much for Sheila to read, I thought. Not to mention, I didn't want to think about it ever again.
*** 06:00 2 Oct
I was to the point I could do 'Linus And Lucy' without dropping a note all the way through, and I could even improvise a couple of chords and things in the right spots, when I heard the beeper go off, reminding me it was time to go back to hell. I mean school.
*** 06:52 2 Oct
"Another bright and fucking perky day," I sighed to Kim and Jill.
"Drop dead," Kim agreed.
Jill just shook her head at us. "You two... Hey, you got your car back!" she pointed out.
"Oh, uh... Yeah," I said lamely, as they made nice noises about the new color. "You like it?"
*** 09:45 2 Oct
"Man, and I got a sociology test tomorrow too," I grumbled as we all packed up. My nails were definitely looking better, not that I cared. I had to keep mine short for babysitting anyway. Even Ted Kohler was starting to look more civilized, or at least I hadn't seen dried grease under his for a while.
*** 10:44 2 Oct
"Ready for tonight?" Mike asked me.
"Ohsh- I got a date tonight, so-"
I had not thought that Mike would be so annoyed that he would chase me around the classroom cursing in anime and hitting and kicking me when he could get in range long enough, but he did. I finally had to hide behind Sabrina to get him to stop. Sabrina heel-stomped my foot when I grabbed her around the waist, though, so I sort of lost anyway.
*** 11:47 2 Oct
"Y-" Kelly spazzed and started to get up. I'd been expecting something like this, though, so I grabbed her arm and just leaned, letting her try and stand up under both our weights. She didn't make it, I wasn't surprised to find out.
"The ice bothering you?" Mike asked neutrally.
"DON'T spazz," I warned her as I put a hand over her mouth and got bitten. "Ow! Bitch!"
"Yeah; if you spazz, it's just what they want," George agreed.
"Well what the fuck am I supposed to do, just sit here?!" Kelly snarled, but almost quietly.
Mike held up a finger, with a slight smile on his face. Kelly's eyes narrowed, but she leaned closer and asked, actually quietly this time, "What?" like she knew Mike had something in mind that would work. Which he did. I knew that smile better than anyone.
"Mike said I should bring an old project we worked on," Dan grinned.
*** 11:53 2 Oct
The ice hit me this time in the back of the head, but that wasn't important. They'd kept pelting us irregularly, but they'd done it a few too many times, and now we had them pinpointed. "Confirmed, red shirt next to the plaid," I said. Lucky thing that Kim had a compact with a mirror in it; I didn't have any on me at the moment, and staring noticeably at the assholes would just encourage them later while keeping them from throwing anything while they were being observed.
"Range!"
"Set!"
"Bearing!"
"Set!"
"Ammo!"
"Ice, up!"
"Ready! Duck! Shoot!" Mike commanded, and as we all ducked in unison, George flipped the trigger lever and about half a pound of crushed ice shot in a high arc out of the smallish catapult we'd clamped to the table, and - I had to twist around painfully and quickly to see it, but I did NOT want to miss this - landed about two feet right but spot on for elevation and exploded in a spray of chill shrapnel.
It's amazing what sort of accuracy you could get with a few things like a homemade tension gauge, a balance scale, and a range chart, if you'd had enough practice to calibrate everything.
"Two right, fire for effect!" I said, but we only had the one shot prepared and weighed, and it was time to hurriedly hide the thing anyway before the Lunchtime SS caught us.
*** 11:56 2 Oct
"I thought you went off campus for lunch," I said to Mister Dobson, who was in his office, as we all got crowded in.
He just looked at me and sighed.
As the babbling started, Mike asked me, "Would this be a bad time to mention that cooking plan?"
"What?!"
"Remember, where you stay home and cook for everyone, and-" and I punched his arm. "Bad time?" Mike guessed.
Murphy's Laws Of Combat #17: Incoming fire has the right of way.
Distribution: No part of this work may be distributed as an original work by another person or group. Permission is given to redistribute this by electronic means, as long as the entirety of the work (from the BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE header to the END PGP SIGNATURE footer) is distributed, and credit is given to the original author, me. And no fee may be charged. Archiving is permitted provided no fee is charged for access.
All rights reserved.
- ==[-------- Ellen Hayes @>--,--'--- ellen@barkingduck.net + PGP DH/DSS keyfing: 33D4 156A AE39 53E2 0313 6714 2878 56A8 61B0 9CDC + http://www.barkingduck.net/ehayes -=[1990]=- vicki .sig virus 11.4 +
-----BEGIN PGP SIGNATURE----- Version: 2.6.2
iQCVAwUBPz4cg3YDebnvyV1VAQHB+wQAxc5fdOku3JpxI8bOEAiAGZ0iSSWsn1Ww p+exHEWiVYgvYel4g/pfZQ2lm2ph4g/Ia7zK5KaQpM8oJkQK+eDsqomfwXDvbZtH H8K1iD6Nzj0x1rec4bwXHkiyhMI+8x8tgDxnlIphsg21Xt0Fbt9hZ5XklhBLEF3N RLW3lADbJvo= =lS6e -----END PGP SIGNATURE-----