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Tuck Me Down Slow And Easy -*- Copyright 2002 by Ellen Hayes.
Any resemblance between the writings in this work, and any actual persons or places, living or dead, are purely coincidental, except when used for satirical purposes.
This work contains adult situations, adult language, adult concepts, and possibly sex. If you are legally not allowed to read materials containing such things, then you will be breaking the law by reading this. I am not responsible. Continuing to read this document, or storing it or reproducing it in any format means that you explicitly affirm that you are legally allowed to possess and read such materials in your city, county/parish, state, and country.
All rights reserved. See the bottom for distribution rights.
Tuck Me Down Slow And Easy
*** 22:37 13 Sep
"I just feel so awful," I tried to say, then gave it up and just went back to pathetically weeping into Kathy's shirt. She might be able to figure out how I felt without me having to tell her.
*** 22:43 13 Sep
I was glad I'd washed the makeup off outside, or I'd have washed it off on Kathy, but she hadn't complained about it. "Sorry," I sniffled, and went to go find something to blow my nose with.
"It's okay, Vv-Tuck," she stumbled gently. "Um... It just all went to hell, but I don't think it was really anyone's fault. It was just one of those things. You tried... That's what Cory and Valerie told me," she affirmed.
I sat back down on my bed and sighed, and she pulled me close again. I let her; I needed it.
*** 22:50 13 Sep
"I could do with some nice calm cookie consumption," Mike agreed as he went to go get the milk out of the fridge.
*** 22:57 13 Sep
Dana was rubbing her forehead tiredly, but she wasn't too tired to have another cookie. "What a mess," she sighed when she'd swallowed.
"There just wasn't any place private to tell her," I said again. "I mean, I found the best place, the fastest place I could..."
"Oh, man," Mike sighed, from his position of head and back on the floor and legs on the couch. "What a clusterfuck."
Pause. I had some milk, hoping it would settle my stomach, which was still roiling.
Someone knocked on the front door.
"Ohgod!" I spasmed, almost dropping the glass.
"I'll get that," Mike offered.
*** 23:02 13 Sep
Kim had come in then immediately gone off with Dana to talk about something, I'm not sure what, Mike had left to go take Kelly, James, and George home, and I had started on cleaning up the leftover munchies and drinks and pizza from the dining room when they found me again.
"Um, Tucker?" Dana asked.
"We thought," Kim said as I turned around, "that if we stayed over tonight, it might make you feel better?"
"Yeah, it would," I sighed in immense relief as I leaned back against the table. Then I got up to get a supportive hug from Kim.
"Why didn't you mention this earlier?" Dana asked me.
"Wait, what?" I asked as I let go of Kim in surprise.
Kim said, "Um..."
*** 23:04 13 Sep
"I CAN'T let you girls stay over!" Dana protested to Jill and Kim and Pam. She sounded sort of desperate.
"Well, why not? We did last night, and we didn't cause any problems, did we?" Jill asked at me. I shook my head.
"Even, uh, Brian, he didn't complain about it," Kim pointed out.
"Oh hey," Amanda said as she came in. I thought she'd left. "Rachel said she could come over about two, when she's done dancing and stuff tonight-"
*** 23:07 13 Sep
"They just like me, I guess," I shrugged at Dana. She'd pulled me outside for a 'private conference'. "I dunno what's going on. They certainly didn't tell ME anything about it before now. In fact," I said, remembering Kim and Dana going off, "I think you heard about the idea BEFORE I did, from Kim. I swear, I did NOT know anything about this."
"You have," Dana stated like it was for the record or something, "five girls, some of whom have boyfriends, who want to stay in the same ROOM with you, all NIGHT?"
I had a feeling it would be more than five. "Uh, well..."
"What could I possibly tell your mother?" she asked me.
A rather large inspiraton hit. "Tell her we're having a political protest rally- No, a practice session for a political protest rally, a sit-in," I said, and got a smaller one as well. "For equal pay for equal work, for women."
Dana snorted at me, then complained, "Tucker!"
That was a good sign. "Come on, they're my FRIENDS. They want to help me, be supportive of me. They can't do that if they're not here!"
Her mouth opened, but nothing came out, and she shut it.
*** 23:08 13 Sep
Kathy had come back too, I'd noticed when we came back in. She was the one currently holding me (again) and supporting me, in more ways than the physical. Though I could use the physical support as well at this point. I hurt. A lot.
"So we had already planned to have one tonight anyway," Amanda explained, "over at Sabrina's house, and so we could just have it here instead."
"Remember," Kim said to me, "we told you about it Tuesday?"
"Oh yeah," I nodded.
"So," Pam said reasonably, "we could just have it here instead of there, no big deal. We already told everyone's parents to call us at Sabrina's cellphone if there was a problem," she explained, and heads nodded.
"I mean, what's there to worry about?" I asked Dana. "That I'll molest one or more of them? Kathy'd tie my legs around my neck and strangle me if I tried, and they know I wouldn't even THINK about trying, or they wouldn't be ASKING to stay over." I had a thought. "And if you're worried about ME getting molested-"
Kathy interrupted, "I'll tie her legs around her neck and strangle her if one of them tries it."
"And TUCK wouldn't be asking us to stay if HE was worried about it," Jill pointed out as she grinned at me.
"And Dad's already let 'em kidnap me before," I remembered. "Last year, even."
There were pleasant-memory noises from some of the girls, and Pam giggled for a few seconds.
"On one condition," Dana finally said.
"What?" most of us said at once.
"That I stay, since Bill asked me to keep an eye on both Brian and Eugene, but especially Eugene. Thursday," she said to me before I could protest.
I was about to say something not conducive to my case, like 'What the fuck does Thursday have to do with anything?' when Kathy said, "Oh, the endocrinologist appointment. How did it go?" she asked me.
"Long story," I sighed.
"Well, if we stay tonight, will you tell us?" Pam asked gently, and picked up my hand and held it. I nodded to her and wriggled a little closer to Kathy.
"Okay," Dana sighed.
There were a few moments of moderately loud celebration.
"But," Kim said with a grin, "we need more cookies, if we're going to stay here tonight!"
"Ohhhhh, jeez," I sighed, then brightened. "But you all can help, right?"
"Dibsonthemixingblades!" Amanda spat out in a giggle.
"Man!" Jill complained, and whacked Amanda in the shoulder. Amanda squealed and slapped Jill's shoulder back.
"See," I said to Dana, "they're just like the guys, except they're not as geeky and they dress better."
"MY tits are WAY bigger than George's," Kathy said snootily, and then she had to let go of me so I could have a laughing convulsion.
*** 23:25 13 Sep
Everything was going well, and I was standing around talking to Amanda as I rested my mixing arms when someone grabbed me from behind in a hold and Mike raged into my ear, "WHY areyoubakingmoreCOOKIES?!"
"AHHHHH!" I announced, which startled everyone else.
"They'restayingoveraren'tthey?!" he demanded as he shook me back and forth.
"I had no choice! They threatened to abduct me again!" I lied, accidentally squealing in a quite embarrassing way.
"Not HERE you FOOL!" he hissed.
"What, at your house instead?" I snapped back on instinct.
Unbelievably, Mike stopped and let go.
I turned around to see what had made him do that, because it wasn't that good a comeback, and found Kathy holding him in a similar position to what I'd been in a second ago. "Now, Mike," she said calmly, as Mike grunted and struggled, "we're just having a friendly little get-together-"
"Tuck!" Mike gasped.
"Kath," I sighed, "please put Mike down. Without hurting him!" I added hastily.
She did so as Dana came in.
"Can Mike stay over too?" popped out of my mouth.
Everyone else stopped and stared at me in shock, except Dana, who shrugged in resignation and said, "Sure, I don't see why not."
Pause.
"Cannnnn I talk to you for a second?" Kathy asked me.
*** 23:26 13 Sep
"Well, with Amy- Remember, when Amy came over, you said I was responsible for her behavior and stuff? I can do that for Mike too, can't I?" I asked.
"Vvvv-" Kathy slurred, and then just glared down at me as she crossed her arms. That might have made me back into the wall except I'd already done that. "He's a guy."
"So? I'm..." I shrugged, though it hurt. "Somewhere in between, and you let me come- And you didn't even know that the first time," I remembered.
"But you were going to be..."
"Under Debbie's control?" I guessed. "Mike's under mine."
*** 23:31 13 Sep
"It's 'yes', 'no', or 'abstain'. So, who says yes?" Kathy asked.
Jill, Julia, and Kelly raised their hands. And Mike and I of course.
"Abstaining?" That was Kathy, Amanda, Kim, and Pam.
"Against?"
Sabrina sort of raised her hand. "I dunno, I mean..." she said, frowning. "It just seems weird."
"Tuck," Mike pointed out, "is weird," as he pointed at me. I batted at him but missed. Some of the girls chuckled; Sabrina did not.
"Conference," Kathy said, and most of the girls went outside.
Pause.
"How many cookies did you make?" Kelly asked.
"Um, I had to- Weren't you going home?" I realized.
"Uh, well, I forgot my clothes," she blushed and mumbled to the neckline of the dress. "Is it okay if I stay? I thought it was... and I already called my dad, he said it was okay..."
I threw up my hands.
*** 23:41 13 Sep
I'd just put another batch of cookies into the oven when Pam opened the back door and called, "Tuck? C'mere for a minute?"
"Nobody else gets invited," I shook a finger at Mike, and then started to go see what they wanted. Then I changed my mind and went and got another beer for Dana and one for me, before going out to see what the girls wanted.
*** 23:46 13 Sep
The problem is," Sabrina said, "that, that first time you slept over, Debbie could have taken you home, and she would have, except you were being a lot less..."
"Male," Pam said sadly, and shrugged at me.
"It's not male," Sabrina complained, "it's like, macho or something, where they have to make stupid remarks, and stare, and things like that. I mean-"
"Mike wouldn't do that," I told her. "I mean, if you do the let's- drive-him-crazy thing like you did with me, he might stare, but other-"
"When did we do that?" Kim challenged.
"When you were all tak-" I lowered my voice just in time. "When you were all taking off your clothes in front of me and stuff, like just to see what I'd do? Remember? And comparing bras and stuff."
Pam giggled, and Kim glared at her.
"How do you know Mike's not gonna do that stuff, though?" Amanda asked.
"I just do! I mean, I've known him for most of my life-"
"Yeah, but he's still more male acting than you," Kathy said.
I thought, and remembered something. "Kim, remember when, uh, when you all came up to get me at Susan's, and then we got the hotel rooms? You slept with Mike- I mean, in the same room with him that time, remember? Did he do anything to you then?"
Most of the attention turned on her, as she looked anguished.
*** 23:51 13 Sep
Mike is not going to like this, I found myself repeating to myself over and over as I went back in the house. "Mike? C'mere. And start pulling beer and coolers; I think everyone except Pam wants one."
"Your dad's gonna kill us," Mike said as he headed towards the fridge.
"Dana started it; I think she can go get some more tomorrow, if I pay her. She's had two already." At least; I hadn't been counting.
*** 23:53 13 Sep
Dana hadn't wanted any more; she had to go pick up Brian and his stupid cat. I did not foresee difficulties in getting rid of the beer I'd already opened for her.
"On one condition," Kathy said.
"And I had NOTHING to do with this idea," I inserted before she could say anything. I wanted to get that in first in the event that Mike would blame me and start chasing me around. It was very likely, which is why I was staying close to Kathy.
Mike's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "What?"
Wrong answer, I sighed, and made sure I was out of arm range.
*** 23:54 13 Sep
"NO!" Mike shrieked, eerily high-pitched.
"'Kay then, no deal," Kathy shrugged.
"Tuck!" Mike begged at me.
"I!" I gasped. "I dunno!" I regenerated some wits, and said, "Wait, Mike, you can always stay here, you know that. I just, I mean, I can't make them stay in the same room with you and stuff. If you don't want to, that's cool. I'll hang with you," I said supportively.
"All of us are here, and you'd rather..." Sabrina trailed off.
"Naw, Tuck," Mike sighed, "it's not that big a deal, man. Have fun and stuff," he sighed, deeper and quieter, like he was going to leave.
"Oh no," I exclaimed, and grabbed his arm. "Nuh uh, we are not playing 'Guilt Trip' tonight."
"Tuck," Mike said sadly, "I mean, it's okay, they're your friends-"
I kicked him, hard, in the stomach.
The girls made surprised noises as Mike bent over clutching his stomach and made a painful noise.
I told him, "I don't need this bullshit, not with the rest of my life. You be a big boy and make up your own fucking mind about what you want, okay?"
"Huhhhh," Mike gasped faintly, telling me that I'd hit him in the nerve cluster. Oops.
"When you can breathe again," I amended, and turned back to the girls. "Why does he have to-"
"It's just, I mean, a reminder," Sabrina said guiltily. "I mean, it'd just keep his mind on what he's doing, where he is, and-"
"Uhhhh," Mike sighed as he folded his legs and knelt down on the porch. <I think I can remember,> he signed.
"He said he thinks he can remember," I translated.
<B-R-U-I-S-E.>
"No way! I did not! Besides, you've got NOTHING to complain about, you fell on me at LEAST twice tonight and I'm gonna have THOSE bruises-"
Mike made a sign which required no translation, right before he started breathing again with a big inverse-whoosh. Kind of a 'hsoohw'.
*** 23:58 13 Sep
The girls had come in with me when I went to tend cookies, and I'd asked Mike if he wanted to come in too, but he'd shaken his head, so I left him out there on the porch. Maybe he thought soaking in the moonlight would clear his head, or something.
"And WHY did you kick him?" Julia asked me.
"Because, he was starting to sound like he was going to lay a guilt trip on me, and we don't play that. That's bullshit."
"How come you never did that with Debbie?" Amanda asked.
"What?"
"Amanda," Kathy warned, and shook her head.
"No, wait, what?"
"She'll do that guilt shit all the time, and she did it with you all the time," Amanda stated, fending off Kathy and protecting her beer. "Why didn't you kick the shit out of her?"
"Amanda," Kathy growled, and Amanda started yipping back at Kathy.
That's a damned good question, I thought, and turned back to the oven to consider it.
*** 00:03 14 Sep
"Okay," Mike announced. "Number one." He feinted at me and then we waved hands and danced at each other for a few seconds until I made a mistake and he grabbed me and slammed me into the counter and then kicked me in the solar plexus as I rebounded.
<Nine hit points,> I signed as I carefully collapsed onto the floor and waited for my respiratory system to reboot.
"Now we're even," Mike said, and I nodded agreement.
"As for the other thing, I'll do it on two conditions," he told the girls. "One, since Dana might check on us at any point, it's got to be invisible under clothing. Which probably means, what, a bra and panties?" Sabrina nodded, looking around at the other girls, who were giggling in chorus now. I hoped it would act as a sonic shield...
"What's the other one?" Amanda asked as she giggled.
"Well, three," Mike changed his mind. "Another is you never EVER mention this to anyone else who isn't staying here tonight, or Tuck's parents, or Dana."
"Alright, that's fair," Kathy agreed. "What's the third?"
"You and you," he pointed at Kim and Sabrina, "wear boys underwear."
"What?" they both protested, and I wished I could laugh.
*** 00:06 14 Sep
"Because, if we hurry into the basement, Brian won't see you, and he won't have a temper tantrum," I explained as I checked over the kitchen to make sure there was nothing incriminating left there, like purses or underwear or something. I had left a bait plate of cookies, wrapped in plastic, for him, which ought to dull his suspicions and also cause him to scurry upstairs with it before I could take it away from him. "'Cause I don't feel like listening to it tonight."
*** 00:11 14 Sep
"Safe," Mike sighed quietly as we shut the basement door behind us. I'd left a note for Dana that I hoped Brian wouldn't read; I'd know if he did from his scream of protest.
"I still can't believe you're doing this," I said to Mike.
"Yeah, well, what the fuck," he said, sounding kind of hard-edged. "I mean, you keep telling me it's no different, right?"
I sighed. "Yeah..."
He sighed too. "Besides, Sabrina was kind of right. It IS hard to forget what's going on, wearing this stuff. The, the panties are no problem..."
"I can't believe I let you do this..."
"Hey, who reminded me it was MY decision?"
"Shut up, Mike."
*** 00:14 14 Sep
"You got 'em on?" Kathy asked Mike suspiciously. Mike reached up and pulled the neck of his T shirt out until we could all see the bra strap.
"Trust me on the panties," he said, and Kathy just nodded.
"Miiiike," Sabrina sighed.
Mike huffed back and yanked down his pants and boxers low enough to show a color of underwear my bud Mike should never ever be wearing. "What about you?"
I started snickering as Kim and Sabrina both looked at each other uncertainly. Finally, Kim went first, blushing furiously, and Sabrina closed her eyes and they both showed that they were indeed wearing Hanes Not For Women.
Pause.
"Is she," Amanda asked, pointing at Kelly. "I mean, is..."
"I'm wearing panties!" Kelly protested.
After we all got done laughing, I answered, "Uh, she knows about my biological problems."
"We ran into her at one of our Sunday breakfasts," Kim sighed, which generated some surprised noises.
"So, she knows about..." Pam trailed off.
"Valerie?" Mike said. "Yeah." Kelly nodded. "Not, uh, not... Not the thing at the amusement park this summer," Mike said.
That took me a while, but at least I wasn't the only one that had to think about it.
"What?" Kelly asked.
"The thing at the amusement park that happened this summer that we don't want to tell you yet," Mike grinned at her.
"Man!" she complained.
"Kelly," I reminded her, "part of other people keeping your secrets is that you don't dig too deeply into theirs. It's sort of a reciprocal thing." She glared at me but quieted down. "And Dana doesn't know about Valerie, so don't mention anything like that around her if she comes in tonight. Or ever," I added.
"So what did you find out?" Kathy asked me.
I shrugged as I sighed. "Not a whole lot... they ordered some of the same tests, and a lot more, and I don't get the test results back for a while, like after Field Day. They did find one thing real interesting, though... My testicles haven't descended yet."
*** 00:21 14 Sep
"No, I never did ask Mike about his," I had to admit over my shoulder as I pulled out the spare bedding. One thing we did have over Sabrina's house, or Lisa's - we were a lot better equipped to handle a dozen or two people staying overnight.
"I would have said something if you asked," Mike said, half guilty and half apologetic.
"Yeah, but..." I shrugged. "I didn't know enough to ask."
"Doesn't Tr-" Amanda started, but got an elbow from Julia which shut her up.
*** 00:26 14 Sep
"So," Mike said, "what ARE you going to do? Have you started thinking about that yet?"
"Even Sheila said it was too early to start planning, since we're still not sure exactly what's involved. I mean, it's almost certainly a hereditary problem, but whether it'll respond to hormones or not, whether it's curable in some way or not, surgeries, the whole mess... I mean, it's just too early to tell. We need to get those tests back before I can even think about what this is going to mean long-term. Basically, right now we just know about some problems, but it's all symptoms, not, not like a diagnosis yet."
"More tests," Kathy prescribed.
"Yaaaaa-fucking-whoo," I sighed. "They already took a chunk out of me this week; I had to get stitches."
*** 00:27 14 Sep
I was showing them the place where they'd taken a core sample out of my flesh when Dana opened the basement door and came down the stairs. "Oh my- What the hell-"
"Kathy wanted to see the skin test, jeez," I cut her off. "Or what they did for the skin test, or something."
"I thought," Kathy said as I slid my scrub pants back on, "that for a DNA test they'd just take a cheek smear? Why did they have to take a skin sample?"
Dana looked at her, and me as I nodded, and finally answered, "Um, the first test came back as inconclusive, and they wanted to confirm the results from a different area. I'm not entirely sure why," she admitted. "That's really not my field."
"And why did they have to take so MUCH?" I complained. "Couldn't they have just tried a needle biopsy or something?"
Dana shrugged. "I guess they want to check as much as possible, or have as much test material as possible."
I sighed. I wished I'd had a wart or some kind of growth they could have removed instead, but that probably would have thrown off the test.
*** 00:31 14 Sep
"Blood tests, all kinds of stuff, they did stuff to me in that physical exam I didn't think I'd EVER let someone do..." I had discovered that I far preferred Travis' penis up my ass than some doctor's finger, even though That Thing was quite a bit larger.
"It's necessary," Dana argued.
"I think they're just covering their asses," I countered.
"That's part of it, but the other part is they don't want to miss something ELSE that it could be. You feel really stupid when that happens," she said, sounding like experience.
"So what COULD it be?" Kathy asked.
Dana looked at me again for permission, and I nodded. "About twenty or thirty things right now; that's why the extra round of tests. Plus," she grumbled, "some of the results of the first tests weren't in Eugene's files from the last doctor." She had not been happy to hear that.
"Eugene?" Kelly questioned incredulously.
"That's why I go by Tuck," I said to her, and a couple of the girls giggled.
*** 00:37 14 Sep
"I mean, this is weird," Pam said, looking at me nervously, "and I don't mean to upset you or anything with it..."
"What?"
"Is he," Pam addressed Dana, "is he going to have to start wearing, y'know, something, for his, uh," and fumbled at her chest.
"Oh no!" I protested. "That's too much! No!" I begged Dana.
"Well," Dana said, sweeping her hand at me, "if he doesn't want to, he's not going to, so that answers that."
"Why would I have to?" I asked.
"Because you might start sagging?" Pam said.
"And they hurt," Kelly stated, and about half the girls nodded.
"There are things you can use besides a normal bra," Dana mentioned. "I noticed you were wearing a leotard on the camping trip," she said to me.
Damn! I thought she'd missed that. "It was Amy's idea," I said lamely.
"Did it help?"
"Yeah," I admitted.
"Do you wear one to school?" Pam asked, and I shook my head.
"Do you ever end up hurting?" Amanda asked.
I answered, "No, not really. I mean, it's not like I'm in gym or anything, where I have to bounce around a lot. The stairs..." I shrugged.
"Oh God," Kim complained with an embarrassed grin. "That's something I learned in a hurry."
"Sheesh, no kidding," Pam agreed, and the other girls chimed in with agreements.
"What?" Mike asked.
Everyone looked at him like they'd forgotten he was there.
I was the first one to say anything. "Um, it's... I think the best way to describe it, is that it's like having testicles under your nipples." The girls complained at that. "No, I'm serious!" I insisted as I waved them to relative silence. "You know how you said you needed to start wearing a jock when you were really active?" I asked Mike, and he nodded. "Because they were swaying around too much, right?" He nodded again. "Same thing, except higher up and with more mass therefore more inertia."
"Uuhh," Mike complained, with feeling, which made the girls laugh.
"Thank GOD for sports bras," Kathy said, also with feeling.
*** 00:39 14 Sep
"... and so she pushed me on the shoulder, right? BOOM, right into the doorframe," Amanda recounted.
"Oooh!" gasped a lot of people in sympathetic pain. Sabrina and I were the only ones to protectively grab at our chests, though.
"By the time I could think again, I ended up pointing the other way," Amanda chuckled ruefully. "MAN that hurt!"
*** 00:40 14 Sep
"So I'm not the world's greatest pitcher, but I can throw a ball to a kid twenty feet away, right?" Mike said. "So I'm pitching and they're batting and Tuck is in back playing catcher-"
"WAY back," I interrupted. "I didn't have a mask or anything, so I was more like a ball retriever than a catcher."
"Woof woof!" joked Jill.
"Anyway," Mike said over the chuckles, "that's going okay, right until one of the kids hits a line drive, straight up the middle - except low." I winced in remembrance as Mike's eyes shut and he pulled his legs a little tighter.
"Oh no," Kathy chuckled, which set the rest of the girls to giggling.
When Mike didn't say anything for a second, I said, "Oh yeah. Right into his, his zipper, like it was a smart bomb."
"Oh god," Mike sighed. "Worst pain I've ever felt. I thought I was gonna die. I thought after that, that it might have cracked my pelvis or something. You know that horrible ache you get with a broken bone, right before your nerves start screaming?"
I continued, "He just kind of went 'Uh!' and fell over on his side. The kids were laughing like it was the Three Stooges or something, but I thought he might have gotten hit on the head or something, so I ran over to see if he was okay, or if I had to call EMS or something..."
"It hurt so bad I couldn't breathe," Mike explained.
*** 00:43 14 Sep
"It's incredibly effective," Mike nodded.
"Man," Pam smiled, I think in partial disbelief.
"Just," I added, "if you go for it, do NOT screw it up, because he'll instantly know what you're trying to do, and he will be very mad."
"Though even a partial miss'll hurt," Mike said. "Maybe enough."
*** 00:45 14 Sep
"Oh YES it DOES," Pam insisted. "I fell off my bike pedals once, and hit the bar, and I thought I was going to die. I didn't even notice I'd fallen over!"
"Guy's bike?" Sabrina asked, and Pam nodded confirmation.
*** 00:52 14 Sep
"Yeah, she was pretty shaken up," Dana nodded, "and having everyone know about it was worse, I think-"
"Oh god," I moaned.
"Tuck," Kim said, and put an arm around me. "Really, we got it through to her, what you were trying to do. She's not happy about any of it, but she doesn't blame you for it. She's blaming herself more," she admitted.
"That's just as bad," I sighed.
"Life sucks, some days," Kathy sighed.
"Especially your first period," Sabrina nodded. "It ALWAYS sucks, for some reason."
"My first wasn't that bad," Kim disputed.
"Lucky you," Kathy grumbled.
"Ooooh, I hear a story there!" Kim grinned.
"Oh, no-" Kathy protested, but got overwhelmed.
*** 00:54 14 Sep
"At a pool party," Kathy finally admitted.
There were many noises of shared pain and anguish. Even Mike looked like he understood, though that was probably because we'd had such a graphic demonstration tonight.
"Of course I was wearing a one-piece," Kathy continued, sounding sort of flat, "and of course I'd already started growing, so I was bigger than everyone else there, so I couldn't borrow any clothes..." She finally gave up and buried her face in her hands as she bent over herself, but Pam and Kim patted and stroked her back upright eventually.
*** 00:58 14 Sep
"It's a lot harder with Kotex, and that was all my mom would let me use," Dana said, shaking her head a little bit. "And you want to talk about a pain in the butt? Try going to a dance on your period, and having to use one of the full-sized pads, with that stupid belt, and having to deal with all that and a panty girdle too!"
"It's like having a pair of socks stuffed into the crotch," Julia explained to me and Mike.
And maybe some of the other girls too, judging by Pam's, "What belt?" Not that I knew. Yet.
*** 01:18 14 Sep
"Yeah, I- Oh, hell, is it that late?" Dana exclaimed as she caught sight of a clock. "I really do need to get home, if I'm going."
"You sure you don't want to stay here, so you don't have to worry about Jim molesting you?" I teased.
"I was sort of hoping he would!" Dana shot back.
"Eck," I said as I put my hands over my ears. It wasn't nearly as gross as hearing my parents talk about it, but it was still uncomfortable.
*** 01:25 14 Sep
"More cookies too, if Rachel's coming," I said quietly.
Pam asked, "Where's Brian?"
"Locked up in his room," I replied. "Which reminds me- No, not yet." Lots of the girls, relatively, had not yet taken the opportunity to get stuff out of their cars or whatever.
"What's not yet?"
*** 01:44 14 Sep
Someone rang the doorbell, so I put down the spatula and ran for the front door, hoping Brian wouldn't wake up.
It was Rachel, and I was glad to see it was only Rachel. "Hey," she said quietly, "Kathy said to come back?"
"Oh yeah, no problem," I said, just as quietly. "And you can help me carry stuff downstairs. Just, go into the kitchen... I gotta set the alarms."
*** 01:48 14 Sep
"So, WHAT happened LAST night?" Kathy asked.
*** 02:11 14 Sep
"And what the hell were you WEARING?" Jill complained at me.
"My heavy-duty kit," I said. "You didn't say just WHAT had happened- I KNOW," I interrupted her, "that you didn't know what was going on yourself, but when you said he was gone, and nobody claimed to know anything, one possibility is that some of them had dragged him outside and tried beating him to death."
"You are incredibly paranoid," Amanda said.
"Some people don't like me, and those people tend to be bigger than me, and with the idea that violence DOES solve everything." Which it did, like Heinlein had said; go ask the Jews at Auschwitz if you don't think so. Or the Germans, a bit later when the camps had been overrun. A lot of camp guards hadn't made it to Nuremberg; they'd been 'solved' in the field, often by the same people they'd been guarding.
We could 'solve' those sorts ourselves, but not on the spur of the moment, like they could us. And it would take longer if we didn't want it to look obvious.
"What does it look like?" Pam asked.
I was not going to pull it out and show them, despite the fact that it wasn't more than twenty feet away. "Kathy saw, uh, what it looks like; it's a lot like the camping gear. Kim saw the camping stuff too."
"You looked insane," Kathy commented. "Like one of those militia freaks or something."
"Hey, you know a better way to carry the twenty pounds of stuff to survive easily in the woods?" I snapped.
"What about a backpack?"
"What about if you lose it, say crossing a stream? Or a bear decides he'd like to play with it? You know about bears," I said offsides to Kelly. "They do shit like chase people, and if you drop your pack, sometimes they'll destroy that and stop chasing you."
"Sometimes, yeah," Kelly warned. "Not all the time."
"Better chance... and besides, I can run a lot faster without a pack than with. With the harness, I can drop the pack and still have enough to live for a few days."
"Yeah," Mike chimed in, "the reason the army, and in fact all armies have gone to using that sort of gear, is that it's a good and easy way to make sure you don't have to run around with grocery bags full of important stuff you don't want to lose, and might want to get to in a hurry."
"Like, what would you need if you went out looking for Mike?" Amanda asked.
"First aid gear, radio to talk to Brian so we can coordinate a search, water..." Knives. Other things.
"I don't think you're telling us everything," Kathy stated.
"And I'm not going to," I answered. "You're not cleared for that information."
*** 02:13 14 Sep
"Tuck," Mike said tiredly, "go get your social-work gear, show them that." I could hear the rest he didn't say: 'Maybe that'll shut them up, if they can see something like it.'
"Mike? Are you SURE that's a good idea?"
He shrugged. "Jill's seen it, some other people have seen it, and they all know to keep quiet. Don't you, Kelly?" Mike grinned. Kelly did not grin back.
"Why are you picking on Kelly?" Kathy asked.
"Because," Mike replied, "she's the one I'm, that I've got the least data on. The rest of you can keep your mouths shut pretty well. I know this because no one's tried to assassinate Tuck this year."
"I haven't said anything!" Kelly protested.
"But they haven't said anything for a lot longer period of time," Mike said.
"I'll go get my other stuff," I said, hopefully stopping Kelly and Mike from getting into it.
*** 02:19 14 Sep
"All black, for lower visibility," Mike said, as I turned around. "Gray would be better, overall, but this stuff is also mass-market, not custom made, so it's not as traceable."
"How many knives do you have on there?" Amanda asked.
"Just two."
"'JUST' two? Why?"
"Mostly for a tool, and against really nasty dogs," I answered. "We ran into a pit bull once. Oh, and a tip? If you get attacked by a pit bull, it's probably not going to stop until one of you is dead, so make sure you kill it before it mangles you too bad."
"A pit bull?" someone gasped.
Mike admitted, "It went after me; while it was trying to get through my sleeves and to my neck-"
"It pulled him off balance and he was on the ground," I stuck in.
"Tuck kicked it in the neck, broke its spine," Mike finished.
There were disapproving noises.
"No," Kathy said, "I don't like pit bulls either. My dad's got a cousin or something, that raises them... And they're completely psychotic dogs. Sometimes they're all friendly and stuff, but they just snap sometimes and they'll go after their own owners. Jeff, he had scars on his arm and ear, from when that happened. He had to shoot the one that did that to him."
"And he's still raising them or whatever?" Pam asked.
"I... don't visit him," Kathy smiled grimly.
"Not the brightest bulb in the string?" Julia chuckled.
"Ya know," Kathy drawled, "I'm not the smartest woman in the world, but I try to make the same mistake only once?"
*** 02:30 14 Sep
"It's just so hard," Pam said, "to reconcile, I mean..."
"You can look SO cute and feminine," Kim took over, "and then you go and do something like that."
I shrugged uncomfortably.
"So you're saying that women can't do the same sorts of nasty things that men can?" Mike baited her. Instead of taking the bait, everyone else laughed at Kim, who got tight-lipped and glared at Mike.
"I think women are nastier," Julia said.
"Huh?"
"Well, I mean, a lot of guy fights, they're just... It's just antler butting," she said, thinking about it.
Pam got out, "Antler-" before she started giggling, which set off Amanda and Sabrina.
When the laughing died down, Julia continued, "No, really, I mean... where do guys hit each other in a fight, most of the time? Face, which hurts but it's not like it's really awful, and chest and stomach. Those aren't really, I mean..."
"Ahhhh," Mike nodded, getting it before I did. "Whereas if they were really trying to hurt each other, they'd be either hitting the neck, or breaking joints and so on, like kneecaps."
"Yeah," Julia said confidently. "Some girls do that too, the little psycho aggressive ones who want to be butch, but-" Kim punched Jill on the shoulder. Jill took the opportunity to not play the stereotype, and squealed. "Shut up, Kim," Julia said seriously.
"Me? I didn't-"
"Yeah, shut up, I want to hear this," Kathy said.
Kim pouted as Julia continued, "IF you can get girls to fight, and it's something serious, then they don't fuck around. Fingers in the eyes, kicks in the knee or the groin, raking with the fingernails, all that. Hell, every self-defense article I've ever read is talking about the nasty stuff," she said.
"But most girls don't fight," Amanda said.
"Yeah, we're trained not to," Julia grumbled, and most everyone nodded sour agreement. "But, like, try fucking with some woman's kids, and she'll do whatever she can to STOP IT, and if that means running over you with the minivan, or, or-"
"Yeahhh," Kathy nodded. "No bullshit."
Pause.
"That's what the stuff I was wearing last night was for," I said finally. "No bullshit situations."
"How tight ARE you two?" Sabrina asked me and Mike.
"Like brothers," Mike said.
"Tighter than that," I added, "depending on what your brothers are like. I can depend on Mike to work in my best interests at all times, and vice versa." Mike nodded solemnly.
Pause.
"Whoa," Julia finally said.
"S'why when bad things happen to Tuck," Mike smiled a bit, "there's always something that happens in return, and oddly enough always when Tucker has an unimpeachable alibi. And Tuck will do stuff to protect me that he won't do for himself."
"Like what?" I asked, before anyone else could.
"Remember Bolt?"
"Ooooh," I winced.
*** 02:35 14 Sep
"So when Tucker saw the blood-"
"Smelled it," I interjected.
Mike continued, "He just went berserk, and I mean that literally, because it took like two teachers to pry him loose."
"They kept thinking that if they'd just pull me away, I'd stop," I remembered. "I didn't have an asthma attack until like way after, when we were in the principal's office."
"Which sort of got HIM out of the office," Mike grumbled, and punched me affectionately on the arm. Which hurt.
"Hey! You didn't get blamed for that!" I remembered. "You hadn't started it!"
"Yeah, but I still had to be in there and talk about it," he said.
"So why did you call him 'Bolt'?" Kim dared to ask.
"Guy acted like Frankenstein's monster," Mike answered, "and we thought he should have had bolts in his neck."
"Looked like it too," I grumbled.
"Oh I remember that guy," Julia said suddenly.
*** 02:48 14 Sep
"So I mean, what's the worst that could happen?" Pam asked. We'd gone back to the subject of me, despite my objections.
"Shit..." I sighed. "I don't even KNOW. I'm already growing tits and hips... I mean... How much worse can it get?"
"Dick could fall off," Mike mentioned.
"Thanks, Mike, big help there," I said, having to raise my voice a little to carry over the beating he was getting.
"I did some research," Kathy said, "on liposuction? Tuck, they can do a LOT. I mean, they could take you right now and make you look like a ruler, no curves at all."
"But then I have to have them do it," I mentioned.
Pause. The beating tapered off and Mike sat back upright, glaring around and rubbing his hair back into place.
"Yeah and?" Kathy said.
"I don't think you understand how much I dislike doctors."
"Isn't Dana your doctor?" Kathy protested.
"Yeah, but she's different. I mean, I've had to meet a LOT of them, and she's like the best one I've ever met. And she's not trained to do a lot, comparatively," I sighed. "And hospitals, everything, I mean, it's like, it's, all it is is like this pain and suffering that it's like there's nothing else there, it's like I'm a fucking lab rat or something. Or a broken car; they just do not give a shit, and they do all this nasty stuff and, it's never as good, they always lie about how much it'll hurt and how much good it'll do and all that..."
"I sense you have strong feeling on this subject," Julia quipped, but before I could explode at her, because I was really tensed up and ready to explode, she grabbed me and started rubbing my shoulders and back, and stroking them.
"Tuck just hates the idea," Mike said, I think unnecessarily.
"Nrrrrrr," I growled, which made Julia push harder. "Uhhhh."
"Too hard?" she asked.
"Nuhhhhh."
"They might not do anything until he's eighteen," Pam chimed in. "Sometimes they can get weird about stuff like that, plastic surgery."
"That presents a problem," Kathy said grimly.
"As in," Sabrina finished, "what do you do next year at school?"
"Urnnnh!"
"Play it by ear, I think he meant," Mike translated. "I dunno though... if it's this bad NOW..."
"We just gotta see," I forced out, "what can be done. I mean, I'm sterile, almost certainly, and it's not like they can fix THAT, but... maybe something like testosterone shots can fix it, or at least keep it from getting worse, help me go the other way."
"Then you wouldn't be able to do Val any more," Julia pointed out.
"Yeah... I don't think that's such a big deal, though. I mean, it wouldn't be like all at once, so I could quit babysitting when it got too bad, stuff like that..." Travis would probably shit, but maybe we could work it out... assuming we were even still together. I wanted to be optimistic, but it was kind of hard after Debbie to think positively about relationships in a long-term sense. "Would you all still be my friends, though? If I couldn't do Val any more?"
"Well, duh!" Sabrina said, and grinned at me.
"YES," Pam said emphatically.
"'Course, it might be harder to sneak you past her parents," Kim grinned.
"We could always come here instead!" Amanda pointed out.
"Tuck," Mike sighed.
"Shut up," I told him before he could say the rest of it.
"Past whose parents?" Kelly asked, sounding like she had an idea of what had gone on but wanted to hear it from some horse's mouth.
*** 02:57 14 Sep
Kelly started laughing gleefully, and after a while calmed down enough to say, "So, like, I could just put you in front of my dad, and he wouldn't even notice?"
"Tuck could take you SWIMMING and he wouldn't notice," Kim said. When people wanted to know more, she said, "Didn't I tell you about the bathing suit Debbie got? Man, that is..." She shook her head. "I mean, it's not the greatest suit in the world, but you can NOT tell."
"Tell me you have it here," Kathy ordered me.
*** 03:04 14 Sep
"Shut UP, Mike," I insisted. He wouldn't stop grinning.
"I just don't feel so alone now," he smirked.
"Dammmnnnn," Amanda breathed again. She was in awe. Kelly was just staring, a little wide-eyed.
"That is kind of an ugly suit," Sabrina commented.
"Works, though," Kathy disputed.
"Yeah," Sabrina nodded. "You went swimming like that?"
"Yeah? I mean, that's how Kim saw it, when she came over to the Parkers' house one time."
"Pam, go take off your panties," Kathy ordered.
"What? Why?" Pam and I said at roughly the same time. I had a feeling this was going to involve me, and I wanted to know why I was going to end up wearing Pam's underwear.
*** 03:07 14 Sep
"This gets creepier by the day," Mike complained.
"You think I like it?"
Kathy had donated a pair of hers as well. She'd been wearing black satin for the party, and I'd been compelled to put Pam's on and then Kathy's over those. Result: no dick visible at all, just a sort of minor bulge or mound, which Kathy demonstrated was completely normal looking, by showing us what her current pantied front looked like. The only difference was, I had more pubic hair showing.
"And this is not really comfortable," I mentioned to the girls at large. I wasn't that big in the crotch department, or even the butt department, compared to Kathy, but I was compared to Pam. I think I'd popped a few stitches putting them on.
"Yeah, you might want to keep the suit you have," Kathy said, "but, I mean, if you ever wanted to go out in a more normal suit..."
Mike just shook his head.
*** 03:11 14 Sep
"Can I take this stuff off before we go to sleep?" Mike asked. "It's also getting too tight."
I pulled his shirt away from his neck and looked in, and fiddled with a bra strap. "Yeah, it's leaving marks," I confirmed as I let go.
They all kind of looked around at each other, and finally Sabrina said, "Yeah, I guess... I mean, you've really been good tonight, Mike."
"So do I get to participate in the lesbian orgy that Kathy always talks about?" Mike smirked.
I could have told him that'd get him nothing but high speed pillows, but by the time I could have said that, he already knew. I just crawled my way to the bathroom to change while I had the chance.
*** 03:19 14 Sep
"Kelly, me, Mike, and whoever dares sleep next to Mike," I decided, pointing at one bed.
"I'll do it," Kathy offered after several seconds. "Mike-"
"I know!" he complained.
She looked at him for a bit, then nodded. "Okay."
Mike thought about something for a while, then said, "Uh, Kathy? If I get, like, an erection? Don't beat the shit out of me, okay? It's not voluntary."
"As long as you don't go poking that thing where it hasn't been invited," she replied. "I know; guys get boners at night."
Mike nodded gratefully.
"Hey, you don't," Jill said to me.
I shrugged. "What, like we just figured out I'm weird?"
She chuckled a little, and came over and gave me a hug.
"Believe me," Mike groused, "that is one thing I'd be more than happy never to deal with again."
"Why?" Amanda asked, sounding more surprised than usual.
Mike shook his head. "It's not sexual, sometimes," he explained, "it's just erect, and that's... irrit- Well, I don't like it," he changed. "It's..." He sighed. "I'm not trying to be funny, so don't act like George for a minute here. It's hard to deal with, when it's just sticking straight out and it WON'T go down, and like I need to piss, or I want to go somewhere without having to put pants on, like if I'm wearing pajamas? It's not something I really want my mother seeing, even though she probably sees enough of it with Dad," he grimaced. "And it WON'T go away if it's a morning woody."
"Woody?"
"Boner!" someone called.
*** 03:28 14 Sep
"See, Kelly," Kathy said in the dark, "we told you this'd be educational."
"Yeah," she yawned. "You can explain that to my dad if he ever hears about this."
There was a universal chorus of "Me too!" If there was anything after that, I missed it, because my lights went dim and then out.
"So take me down slow and easy Make love to me slow and easy I know that hard luck and troubles are coming my way So rock me 'til I'm down to the bone" - Whitesnake
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- ==[-------- Ellen Hayes @>--,--'--- ellen@barkingduck.net + PGP DH/DSS keyfing: 33D4 156A AE39 53E2 0313 6714 2878 56A8 61B0 9CDC + http://www.barkingduck.net/ehayes -=[1990]=- vicki .sig virus 11.4 +
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