Date: December 4, 2001 Author: Alex _____________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________
Copyright (c) 2001 All Rights Reserved 2001. _____________________________________________________________
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Disclaimer: The story you are about read contains gay erotic experiences. So, if you are not of legal age or your country, religion, moral universe etc., consider this writings to be perverse, then I suggest that you should find something else to read. And, if you should decide to read this type of literature, neither this site nor the author will be held accountable for your actions. _____________________________________________________________
Author's Note: I'm so very happy with all the support and comments with my story. Thank you all so much. Well, Here is Chapter 3. The 1st 2 chapters came so quickly because I was on Thanksgiving break. The rest of the chapters will come a little bit further apart. Hope you like it. I like receiving feedback so if you want to send e-mail to me, please send it to lolomgwtfisthat@aol.com and also if you would like to IM me, go straight ahead. _____________________________________________________________
The Sessions Chapter Three
This whole week has been hell for me. I haven't spoken to Gina for a while. It hurts to look at her in class; hell, it hurts to even think about her. My whole weekend was wasted on thinking on how to ask for forgiveness. I've tried calling Gina but every time I do, I can't punch the last number in. I don't know what I'm going to do. The only thing that came out of this was that I got to know Mikey a lot better. He is very smart and interesting. We talk a lot at school now. I'm not that nervous anymore. I still think he is the most beautiful man on this world. I think that I'm coming to get used to my freak self. Maybe coming face to face with my fears is actually doing me some good after all. I still kick myself for thinking some thoughts. I guess I will just have to live like that until I finally accept myself for who I truly am, whenever that is. I'm never ever going to tell my mom though. She will kick me out of the house faster than you can say homophobic. Oh well, I just need some sleep. I look at my clock. It's 3:52 a.m. I haven't been able to sleep well this last week. If only I can do something to make everything all better again. If only...
I wake up breathing heavily. All this worrying is making me go nuts. I can't have a restful sleep. I always wake up like this. I can't even get 2 hours of sleep without waking up this way. It seems better just to stay awake, maybe that is what I will do. I'll just get ready for school. I get out of bed and look around my room. I don't like it that much. It's pretty small. The things that I have in my room are my bookshelf, books, desk with my computer on it, dresser, night stand, and a poster of Daria on the wall. I can really relate to her sometimes. I go into the bathroom and start the shower. The hiss of the water coming out is calming. As I wait for the water to heat up to the temperature I like, I undress myself. There is not much to take off, only my boxers. I look at myself in the mirror. I don't like what I see. I touch my stomach and my arms. I wish I were more toned here. I look away and check the water. It's just right. I get in and stand under the jet of water. This is the best place for me to think. I feel so relaxed here. I can just think here without being interrupted from an outside source. I start thinking about what has been happening.
This last week was my week of regret. It all started at the end of 3rd hour that fateful Wednesday. Gina tried to apologize but I didn't want to hear it. I just kept on thinking that she would just come back to the same accusation as she just did now. I didn't want for that to happen again. I just want to be normal and to be thought of as being normal. That's not much to ask for. So, I didn't listen to her one bit. I gathered my stuff in a hurry and ran out of the class when the bell rang. I ran straight to the cafeteria and I decided to do something that I wanted to do for a long time. I went to Jessica and broke up with her. I didn't know how to tell her. I was feeling all horrible inside. So, I just told her the honest truth, that I wanted to break up with her. She began crying instantly the moment break up left my lips. I felt so bad but I knew this had to happen. I couldn't kid myself any longer. She started asking me why. I couldn't bear to answer her. It was breaking me more than she knew. I did the only thing that I could think of to do, I ran out of the cafeteria tear struck and ran to the library. I knew I was just running away. I didn't care at the moment. I went straight to the back desks and started to cry behind the cover of a book. I'm such a fool for doing all those things. Mikey came into the library and found me crying. He let me cry on his shoulder. He didn't move one bit or thought of me as if were acting like a sissy or me being weak. He really helped me this week. All this week, I've been just avoiding the both of them. I'm going to have to face it eventually. I guess I'm going to have to do it today. I know that I can do it. There's the possibility of not getting forgiven. I just hope that I will be ready for what's going to happen.
I turn the tap and get out of the shower. I towel myself and wrap the towel about myself. I do all that I have to do in the bathroom to look presentable and go into my room. I put on any jeans and shirt that I find presentable. I look at the clock. It's 6:47 a.m. I took longer in the shower than I expected I would. I just need to think of what I'm going to do. Everything will be better or at least, I hope so.
I get out of the car and say bye to my mom. We didn't say one word to each other on the drive here. I look at my school. I really hate this place. I wonder where Gina is? I see Mikey come running up to me from a pack of girls. They look totally ruthless. I laugh at that. It feels so good to laugh at something again, I feel as if I haven't laughed in ages. I think it's true. Mikey starts talking about something but I don't listen to him. I'm occupied looking for Gina. I need to find her. We start going to the front and that's when I spot her with some of her gal friends. I start heading her way with Mikey. I can tell that she saw me coming by the way she looked away so rapidly. I guess she is not over it either. I get a little courage boost from Mikey and I go up to her. Everybody is quiet waiting to hear to what I have to say to her. I start off easily enough.
"Hey Gina."
"Hey there yourself."
"I want to talk to you."
"Sure, go ahead.
"Well, I was hoping that we could talk in private."
"Well, we all have nothing to hide here. Do we girls?"
All the girls shake their heads. This intimidates me a little but I keep on going.
"Ok, if you want it that way. I guess I'll start off here then, Gina, I'm very sorry for things that have happened this last week. I'm sorry for doing the stupid things that I've done. I regret for not speaking to you and avoiding you. I've been so lonely and feel extremely stupid. This last week, I have found that I really do need you. Even though we both have our differences, you make my day feel better by being in it. I can't bear another day without my best friend being right there going through everything with me at my side. So, will you forgive me?"
"That is very sweet and all but I don't think I'm ready to forgive you."
So maybe we're not the best of friends that I thought we were. I can't stay here any longer. I need to leave. At least I tried.
"Oh, well, I guess I'll see you later then."
Mikey looks at me sympathetically. He puts his arm around my slumped shoulders. I'm glad that I at least have one friend here with me, even though I'm attracted to him. No, I'm not; who am I kidding here? Oh well. We start walking away towards the front doors.
"Hey CJ! Come back here!"
I look around and see that Gina is standing up. I go back to her crowd. I wonder what she is going to say? Probably something insulting.
"I'm ready to forgive ya now!"
"W-what?!"
I can't believe what I just heard and I see her standing with her arms open and inviting. I start running towards her and hug her. This feels so good. I guess I did a good job. Thank heavens.
"Well CJ, I couldn't bear to spend any more time away from ya too. I've been hoping that you would ask for forgiveness. I sure wasn't going to ask for any because it wasn't my fault."
I look towards her and give her a face.
"I'm just kidding. Geesh, I see that you are the same."
"I'm glad that you forgave me. A great weight has been lifted from my chest. I feel so much better now thanks to you. So you wanna walk with us?" I said while looking at Mikey.
She looks to Mikey then to me. I don't care what she thinks, as long as we don't fight or do stupid things anymore. Gosh, I really am getting over this sexual dysfunk, huh? A little bit longer and I will probably just accept myself for who I am. I might just tell her my secret, later. She'll be the first one to know. That is really scary. How will she react? I guess when the time comes I'll see.
"Sure, I'll be delighted."
"Great."
We start heading toward the front doors again. This time I don't feel so alone. Only one thing to do now, ask Jessica for forgiveness. I hope that it goes as smoothly as it did with Gina. I doubt it. We go through the front doors of the school.
"Well guys, I'm happy that you both are back to being best friends again and all but I have to work in the coffee shop. Catch ya both later in 1st," Mikey said while walking towards the coffee shop. We wave, say our good-byes, and keep going through the common's area and into the hall. Gina starts talking as if the week hasn't passed at all.
"Well, is it true CJ? Are you and Jessica through?"
"You have heard right. I broke up the day that we had our lil clash."
"Oh, I'm so sorry CJ. I don't want to sound rude or anything but I didn't think that you two were right for each other. I never really liked her that much anyway. I'm sorry, that just came out with out me thinking."
"Well, It's ok. I felt the same way. I ran to the library in tears after I broke up with her to tell the truth. I wasn't totally alone. Mikey came after me when he saw me run into the library. I'm glad that he did so. Mikey and me got to know each other pretty well. He isn't that bad of a person actually."
"Uh huh. That is really nice. I'm glad you weren't alone either. So, tell me, have you spoken to Jessica since then?"
"Nope. I haven't had the courage to do it until today. I haven't been able to sleep this whole week thinking of the stupid things that I've done. I feel much better now that you are my best friend again. I don't wanna hook up again with Jessica. I've wanted to break up with her for a while. The thought of seeing her cry was the only thing keeping me from doing it earlier on. Well, I guess I just didn't care that day. I don't even know what to say to her."
"Well, I'm happy that you finally got the balls to do it all. You now know how I felt about her. I think that you are doing the right thing. So, what are you going to say to her?"
"I don't know actually. I've been all up in the rough thinking of how to approach you that I just didn't think of a way to approach her like I did with you. I was hoping that you would know something that I could say to her. Can you help me?"
"I guess so, I really don't want to be in the middle of this ordeal. That wouldn't be the best thing for us to do. You know?"
"I guess you're right. So what should I say to her?"
"Well, being honest to her is the best thing you could do right now. At least that is what I think."
"You are totally right Gina. I will do just that. I hope that this will go smoothly."
Dear God I hope this goes smoothly.
My 1st three classes went by in a blur. All I could think of was the confrontation that was going to happen between Jessica and me. I don't want to face her. I don't want to see her cry anymore because of me. Well, I'm on my way to meeting her right now. Mikey and Gina sent me their wishes of luck when I left 3rd hour. They both had glum looks on their faces. That made me feel a little bit better but a little worse all at the same time. I walk through the halls towards the cafeteria. This walk seems so much longer without my friends here walking it with me. I pass through the people eating on the stairs and all the people in line to get food. I start looking for her and spot her with a couple of her choir friends. They are all over her trying to make her feel better. She looks so lost and deflated. I hope that our break up didn't do anything really bad to her. That would make me feel even guiltier. I keep on walking towards her when she sees me. I freeze where I stand. Her look just sticks me to the spot. She stands up fast and comes towards me. Her face is a blanket of emotions. I can't tell how she is feels towards me. We just stand like that for a minute or so. Time starts to go slower. I think that I just might be able to get through to her. This is good. Out of nowhere, her hand comes towards my face at the speed of light. The hit only hurt a little. The sound of the slap seemed to echo through the whole school and didn't want to stop. Everything is quiet and still. I feel as if all eyes are on us. She bursts into tears and runs back to the comfort of her friends. They all look at me as if I'm the scum of the earth. Everything returns to normal after a second. I just stand there with my hand on my cheek. I don't know if I should say anything to her. It could make it worse. So, I turn around and go through the double doors that lead to the gym hall. I guess I deserved that. No, I know that I deserved that. I guess our friendship will never be the same. I just want to be alone right now. I'm such a fool. I need someone, anyone. I can't control the tears that come to the surface. Why can't this go normally and let us be friends like we used to be before all this happened? I can still see the looks on the faces of her friends. It seems to be burned right on my retina. All I can see is her face before she hit me. Maybe this is some sort of punishment, maybe not. The only one who knows is God and you know how much he speaks to his creatures, not a lot. I need the comfort of someone here with me. I can't handle this. As if summoned, Mikey comes out of the gym right when I reach the door. I feel better knowing that a friend that I can trust in is here now. He sees the look on my face and rushes up to me. He looks in my face and all I see is concern in his eyes. That was the last straw. I start crying hard and sob. He puts my head on his shoulder again letting me drain every last bit of my soul onto his shirt. He starts rocking back on forth and that stops the sobs. I keep on crying and start wandering, will anything ever be the same? I know that I'm not going to be that lucky. I'm just going to have to go on, but how long will I be able to? Time will only tell...
Well, here's chapter 3 after a million years, lol! I hope that all of you who reads it like it. It's a little different from the first 2 but I love it just as much. I would love to get any feedback that you have, please send it to lolomgwtfisthat@aol.com. Chapter 4 will take about the same amount of time to make. I doubt that chapter 5 will take as long because Christmas break is just around the corner. Thanx!
~Alex