THE STAR'S SHADOW 8
USUAL DISCLAIMER
"THE STAR'S SHADOW" is a gay story, with some parts containing graphic scenes of sex between males. So, if in your land, religion, family, opinion and so on this is not good for you, it will be better not to read this story. But if you really want, or because YOU don't care, or because you think you really want to read it, please be my welcomed guest.
THE STAR'S SHADOW
Written by Andrej Koymasky
October 6th 1993
©2020
translated by the Author
English text kindly revised by Hank
CHAPTER 8
CRISIS
After the tour in the States was over they rented a villa in California for a week's rest and then they left for Japan.
Here the tour was more intense. There were less interviews (normally the newspapers contented themselves with the texts written by Claude and the attached pictures), many parties, (Patrick participated in a couple of them without being replaced by Jean Luc, and he managed rather well) and almost a concert a day. They also found time to do some touring, with Jean Luc, always close to Patrick -- disguised and wearing a wig.
Patrick was slowly improving in health, but still having highs and lows. He almost had completely stopped taking both the pills and the injections.
They were in a Japanese style hotel, a ryokan, in Nara. It was night and the two lovers were tightly entwined in the Japanese style bed.
"How do you feel, Love?"
"It seems to me that I am improving a little. I have fewer nightmares, but I am still frightened by crowds of people."
"They seem satisfied..."
"Do you think so? Pierre... just seems to be waiting for me to panic. And Jules... I don't like the way he looks at us. Do you think I am being paranoid?"
"Probably not... But what can Jules do to us, at this point?"
"I'm afraid of him."
"No, Love, it's not fear... an uneasiness, maybe. You have to learn not to fear any more, and not hate either. These two feelings believe me, can kill you."
"My God, Jean Luc, where would I be without you?"
"Then what about me without you? I am living an incredible experience. And, the greatest one is having you in my arms! When I used to look at your pictures, and kiss them... I never dreamed that I would one day kiss the original!"
"Did you really kiss my pictures?"
"Yes. Didn't I ever tell you about that?"
"No..."
"And... I didn't just kiss them..."
"Ah, no? What more?"
"Can't you guess?"
"That?" Patrick asked with a giggle.
"Yes, that! Dreaming that I was with you."
"Now that you have found me, you will never leave me. Right?"
"No, never."
"How long have we been together?"
"Five months."
"It seems a lot longer..."
"No, it isn't, and it's even less if you consider the period of my physical transformation and the time spent learning to move and talk as you do."
"How much I would like to see you as you were..."
"Now, here in the darkness nothing has changed."
"I don't know. At times it seems to me I can see you as you are, at times I see myself in a mirror."
"Does that bother you?"
"Yes and no. I'm more afraid that it is difficult for you being me."
"No. At least, not yet. And then, even if it does, when we are together like now I know everything will eventually pass away. I really feel good being with you."
"Even when I treat you badly?"
"It happens less and less, it seems."
"I love you. Even if I'm not always able to show it..."
"I love you too."
"Jules wanted to find a Japanese boy for me..."
"Wouldn't you have liked to try a Japanese man?"
"Are you joking? Now that I have you? No. I'm sure Jules only suggested that in order to separate us... He is very conniving, that man."
"I don't think so..."
"Yes, it's really so. I can feel it. His eyes are evil."
"Don't think of him, Love. Claude seems a good enough fellow to me."
"It could be. But I only trust you... yes, only you."
"Thank you."
"Tomorrow there is a TV interview, isn't there?
"Yes, a live broadcast on NHK first channel. Will you watch me?"
"Sure!"
"Let's sleep, now..."
"No... later..."
"Later? I can't understand what you mean, Sir!" Jean Luc joked.
"You can't understand? Now then, I'll make you understand, Shadow!" Patrick answered giggling and rolled on top of him.
"Sir! I an a serious boy!" Jean Luc protested continuing the joke.
"That's why I want you... I like alluring the little boys like you... provided their name is Jean Luc and they are twenty-three year old and they are in love with me..."
The following day Patrick was in his room watching NHK waiting for the interview to begin when Jules entered his room. Jules sat in silence on a cushion next to Patrick. The singer became tense at once.
"Are you waiting to see the interview?" the man asked in a flat voice.
"Yes." Patrick answered dryly.
"You've lost your heart to that waiter."
"You can say that again!"
"After all I did for you..."
"You are paid for what you do. Aren't you?"
"He's paid too," Jules answered in an aggravated tone. Patrick didn't respond. "I didn't mean to upset you. It's just that... I... I can't understand what you see in that imitation..."
Patrick felt tense and nervous, but he controlled himself and still didn't reply. He stared at the TV screen without comprehending a single word the announcer was saying.
Jules repeated, "He's not even a real man..."
"Do you think so?" Patrick asked without turning to look at him.
"He is not. I could have been the right man for you."
Patrick suddenly turned and looked him. His mouth opened in bewilderment.
"Yes, are you surprised? I always wanted you..."
"You'll go as far as saying that just to part me from Jean Luc?"
"I've always wanted you, and have been tortured because you didn't seem to realize it..."
"But... you're married..."
"It's just... a cover... It's really you I want, Patrick!"
The singer trembled. He turned back to the TV screen then answered, "It is too late, Jules. Besides... I wouldn't have accepted you."
"I suffered seeing you in the arms of all those whores that I procured for you..."
"Stop it!"
"No, it is true. I wanted to be there with you, instead of them. Alone, like now we are..."
"Stop it!"
"I'll make you mine... I'll penetrate this delicious little ass of yours..." the man said fingering Patrick's ass and moving closer to him.
"Don't touch me!" Patrick said with a chocked voice.
"Come here, come on... we're alone... I want you, Patrick!"
"No, leave me. Leave me... leave me!"
Jules grabbed him and tried to kiss him, but Patrick wriggled in sheer terror.
"Don't touch me..." he whined, "... don't touch me..."
His yukata opened and the man seized his member.
"Don't touch me..." Patrick again moaned, trembling violently.
He wanted to escape. He wanted to yell. He wanted him to stop, but his resolve was rapidly abandoning him. He was paralyzed.
On the screen Jean Luc was smiling and answering questions through an interpreter.
Jules was opening his trousers and he was excited. He leaned forward to open more Patrick's yukata and the singer was now whining lowly and his eyes were wide open. Jules spread the singer's legs and knelt between them and raised them over his shoulders.
"You've stopped saying, 'No'. You do know to whom you belong! You'll see. You will love being fucked by a real man. Oh yes, you will love it!" Jules said with eyes feverish with lust.
He spit in the palm of his hand and used the phlegm to lubricate his erect cock. Then he entered Patrick violently in one stroke.
The young man closed his eyes, and whispered in a wheeze: "No, Dad, no, please..."
But the man didn't even hear him, and started to fuck him with force: "You are mine, Patrick, mine! You belong to me! I am a man, your man! Tell me you like it, tell me you love it... tell me... tell me... You are my bitch... my slave..." he was saying with a sadistic joy as he continued to hammer inside Patrick with fury.
A strong hand landed on Jules' shoulder and violently tore him away from Patrick.
Pierre, furious, said harshly: "Get out of here! Beat it, you bastard! Get away!"
"But he likes it. He wanted me. He likes it!" Jules said hysterically.
"Get out of here, filthy dog! Go away! Get out or I'll kill you! Go!" Pierre shouted.
Jules stood up and rushed out of the room, trying to button his trousers on the way out. Pierre bent over Patrick who was still on the tatami, and shook him lightly. The young man was violently trembling. His eyes were closed and a dull rattle came from his slightly parted lips. Pierre tried to shake him to make him respond, but Patrick was having a convulsion. Pierre closed his yukata, opened a wall-closet ant pulled the eiderdown out, covered Patrick's body and placed a pillow under his head.
For a long while Pierre repeated in a low calm voice, "Patrick, it's over. He's not here anymore. Patrick, calm down now. Relax... It's over. I sent him away..." He continued to repeat himself until Patrick relaxed a little but kept trembling and his eyes remained closed.
Pierre looked up at the TV. Jean Luc was still answering the interviewer's questions. He reached for the phone and in English asked to be connected with NHK. He then asked them to call Claude to the telephone because there had been an emergency.
After a wait they replied, "We are sorry, but he is on the air broadcasting live..."
"As soon as he finishes tell him to return to his hotel immediately. It is very urgent. Don't forget!"
"Certainly, Sir, don't worry. I will relay the message that it is very urgent," the voice on the other side repeated.
Pierre returned to Patrick. The singer was still trembling strongly. Pierre grabbed the phone again and dialled Olivier's room.
"Come to Patrick's room. Now! No, don't say anything to anyone. Hurry!"
A few seconds later Olivier arrived. "What's up? What happened? Is he sick? Shall I call a doctor?"
"No... I don't know... not yet..."
"But what happened to him? Is he having one of his crises? I never saw him so..."
"Jules raped him."
"Whaaaat? Jules? Raped him? That can't be true!"
"I stopped him. Too late though I'm afraid. I'll kill that bastard! Stay here and don't let anybody enter. I called the TV station. When Claude and Jean Luc come back entrust him to them. And remember, not a word to anyone else, understand?"
"Yeah."
Pierre left and went to look for Jules. He was not in his room and his wife hadn't seen him.
Seeing Pierre's face, the woman worriedly asked: "Has something bad happened?"
"No, the usual problems. See you." Pierre replied and left.
He went to the reception desk and asked if they had seen Jules.
"Frenchman with moustache?"
"Yes, he was wearing a blue jean shirt and trousers."
"Oh, went out few minutes ago. Yes, really in hurry."
"Ah, I see. Thank you."
Pierre went back to Patrick's room. Olivier was sitting on the tatami near the boy and held his hand between his own, caressing it in silence.
"How is he?" Pierre asked tensely.
"Like before. He hasn't stop trembling. Do you think it would be wise to give him an injection?"
"Who? Me? You? Jules? That bastard has left the hotel and what do I know about injections!"
He looked up toward the TV set. Jean Luc was no longer on the screen. He switched it off.
"Let's just hope they get here soon."
"Wouldn't it be better to call a doctor?"
"And what would we say to him? Would we tell him that while he was on television broadcasting a live show he was raped back in his hotel room? No, I don't think so..."
"Perhaps it would be better not to name Jules... and what he did, here. Patrick isn't unconscious..."
"Yes, you are right. Good God! What... Stay with him, I'll go into the hallway to see if they are coming yet. How long does it take to get here?" Pierre nervously asked and left the room.
Olivier continued to caress Patrick's hand in silence. He thought about talking to him about Jean Luc, but then he feared it might worsen the situation. Patrick's trembling continued unceasingly. Olivier glanced at his watch -- 20 minutes since Pierre called him. If he could just stop the boy's trembling!
"Patrick! Patrick! It's Olivier. Do you hear me? I'm here with you. You have nothing more to fear. Patrick. I'm your friend, Patrick, you know that..." he whispered in a calm and warm tone. "Relax, Patrick, please. Relax now... Relax Patrick..." he continued to repeat. He felt that the trembling was attenuating, but he couldn't be sure. Time seemed to pass so slowly...
Finally Claude and Jean Luc arrived in a taxi. They both rushed into the ryokan with worried faces.
As soon as Jean Luc saw Pierre in the hall he asked him, "Patrick? ... Has anything happened to him?"
"Yes, Jean Luc, only you must first promise me to stay calm..."
"Where is he? What happened to him?"
"You have to promise me to stay calm, if you want to help him..."
"Where is he?"
"In his room with Olivier. No, wait! I have to tell you what happened."
"Hurry! Tell me!"
"Well... Jules... Jules tried... to... to rape him..."
"Whaaat?" Jean Luc shouted with his eyes staring aghast at Pierre.
"And Patrick fell into one of the worst panic crises I've seen. You have to go to him and do your best to calm him down. But first you have to be calm, very calm, yourself or..."
Jean Luc's eyes filled with tears, but he took a deep breath and exhaled with a tremble, "Yes, yes. I'll try to be calm... I am calm. I want to see him..."
"Be calm..." Pierre said.
As soon as Jean Luc left, Claude asked: "Where is Jules now?"
"I don't know. He's not in the hotel. I didn't tell the entire truth to Jean Luc. Jules was already raping him, when I arrived, and not just trying..."
"Oh Christ! Did he go mad? You were right in not telling Jean Luc. Not now at least, but we will have to tell him... Oh Christ! What can we do now?"
"Jules has to go, immediately. He has to disappear. And, we have to find another doctor right away."
"A real doctor, you mean. You should have thought about that before, I think."
"Who could have imagined anything like this happening? I'd kill him, that little shit!"
Jean Luc hesitated outside of their room and dried his eyes and took another deep breath before sliding the door aside and entering.
Olivier stood up and Jean Luc motioned to him to leave, but then stopped him.
"Would you please stay here outside the door? Nobody is to enter until I decide otherwise. Those damn doors cannot be locked with a key!"
"Okay, Jean Luc."
"No one, you understand? Thanks."
When Olivier had gone, Jean Luc crouched down close to Patrick's ear and whispered, "Love... my love. I am here, now... I am going to undress and come to you to hold you. Soon..."
Jean Luc rapidly undressed, then opened the wall-closet and pulled out the Japanese mattress and unrolled it. Being as gentle as he could, he slid Patrick onto it and arranged the pillow and quilt. He then slipped under the cover by Patrick's side, and held him close, pulling him against his body and gently, tenderly cuddled him.
"I am here, my love. You're no longer alone... Do you hear me? I am here, my sweet love. Love... my love..." he repeated in a over and over in a whisper.
After several long minutes, he felt the trembling slowly subside. He caressed him and gave him light kisses while whispering sweet love words. After a long time, a very long time -- more than an hour, Jean Luc felt numb, but he continued to hold Patrick and reassure him.
He heard whispering outside of the door and after a minute the door slid open a little bit, and Claude peeked inside. "How is he?" the man asked in a whisper.
Jean Luc gestured so-so.
"Do you need anything?"
Jean Luc signalled 'No' with his hand.
"I'll be here, outside." Claude whispered again and closed the door.
Jean Luc slowly changed his position to reactivate the circulation in his right arm, and started once again to whisper to his lover words full of tenderness while he resumed caressing him.
He dozed off for a little while after several hours of being awake. When Claude peeked inside again, Jean Luc woke up, and signalled him to come in.
Claude entered without making any noise.
"I think he is sleeping, now."
"Do you want to take a break? I'll stay here."
"No. He has to see me here if he wakes up."
"Is he still trembling? Olivier said that..."
"Not any longer. At times there are short tremors, but they stop."
"Do you need anything?"
"No. Probably I will try to sleep for a while. I'd wake up immediately if he moved. What time is it, now?"
"Five a.m."
"Good. Let us rest to about ten. What is on the schedule for tomorrow?"
"Don't worry, Pierre and I are taking care of everything."
"And... that...that..."
"He hasn't come back."
"I don't ever want to see him again. Understand?"
"Sure, there's no risk of that happening!"
"Thank you."
Claude nodded and silently went out again.
Jean Luc slumbered a little, but badly, waking up at Patrick's slightest movement. At ten 'o clock Claude came back into the room. "How is he?"
"He's asleep."
"Has he recovered?"
"No, but he's more relaxed now."
"And what about you?"
"In pieces, but... I still hold on."
"Why don't you stand up, move a little, take a bath, eat something... I'll stay here..."
"No. If he wakes up, he has to see me."
"But he would... this could go on a long time. Maybe if we gave him an injection..."
"No, enough with the injections!" Jean Luc retorted decidedly.
"Then let's call a doctor, a real doctor."
"No, not for the moment at least."
"Well, we are in the next room... if you need something..."
"Thank you."
"But... don't overdo..."
"Okay."
Once again alone with Patrick, Jean Luc looked at him. His face was contorted. Jean Luc kissed him. Caressing him, he kissed him lightly, but many times. He kissed him on his lips and felt his light breath. He caressed his lover's chest. Then lay at his side, keeping him lightly in his arms. A long shudder shook Patrick's body. Jean Luc tightened his embrace and Patrick emitted a light moan.
"Patrick?" the boy called in a murmur, "Patrick, my love..."
Another moan.
"Love, it's me, your Jean Luc. I'm here, Love..." he repeated rising on his elbow and looking into his face.
With his free hand he searched for his lover's hand and lightly squeezed it. Patrick's hand barely responded. Finally the response was a little stronger, and Patrick emitted another moan.
Then he murmured: "No... stop..."
"Sure, stop. It's over, my love. I am here now..."
Patrick moaned again and his hand squeezed Jean Luc's.
"Love... my love... I am Jean Luc, love... your Jean Luc..."
"Luc..." Patrick moaned.
"Yes, Love, your Jean Luc." he said and kissed his lover's lips.
Patrick widened his eyes and Jean Luc read in them a moment of immense terror which pierced his soul.
"Love! Love! It's me, Jean Luc!"
"Oh... Jean..." Patrick murmured with a light sad smile. Then stronger, "Oh, Jean!" and he clung tightly too Jean Luc and burst in sobs, "Oh Jean... Jean... Jean Luc!" he whined starting again to tremble.
"Shush... I'm here. I'm here, my love. I'm here..."
"Oh, Jean Luc..."
"Yes, Love... don't tremble, Love. I am here now..."
"You won't... won't leave... me?"
"No, never, Love."
"I... I..."
"Don't worry. I am here now."
"He... he..."
"I know, Love, but it's over. He is not here anymore. We will never again see him. It is over."
"Over?"
"Yes."
"He's... like my... my stepfather... he..."
"Shush... He is not here anymore. Not him, not anyone... just you and I..."
"You, Jean Luc. My Jean Luc..." Patrick repeated, now silently crying.
"I love you, Patrick. You know that don't you?"
The other nodded and held him tightly against himself, "Jean Luc..."
"Yes, Love?"
"I am... yours."
"Yes, Love... only mine."
"He did... he did me..."
"He doesn't exist any more. Just you and me."
"I'm tired."
"Yes, Love. Do you want to sleep?"
"Yes... You won't leave me, right?"
"No, I will not leave you!"
Patrick fell asleep almost instantly. His face now was more serene. Jean Luc caressed him for a long while. Then he left him very gently and slowly while looking at him to be sure he didn't wake up, tucked in the quilt and put on a yukata and went to the door. Olivier was still seated there outside it and he immediately stood up.
"How is he?"
"He wake up, and again fell asleep. Can you please get me something to eat?"
"Right away... Did he say anything?"
"Just a few words."
"Claude has to talk with you..."
"Tell him to come here. I won't leave this room."
"All right."
After a while Claude came in. "What's up?" Jean Luc asked him.
"Jules... Pierre fired him. Told him to disappear..."
"Good."
"But... there is something you have to know..."
"What?"
"Well, it's difficult to say... The fact is that Jules... didn't try to rape him..."
"No? What do you mean?"
"Jules... did rape him."
Jean Luc's eyes widened and he started to tremble.
"I'm sorry, Jean Luc, but you had to know... Pierre caught him and stopped him, but he had already penetrated Patrick."
"Oh God, God, God! But... and he?" asked pointing to his room.
"If you want, Pierre will explain it all to you, but he said that Patrick was... like paralyzed... gone. In shock..."
"And he... continued to....?"
"It seems that was the case."
"Oh God, what a horror! How disgusting! Oh, my poor love..."
"You will have to... to do miracles, for him."
"My God!"
"You have to be strong, for both of you."
"Of course..."
"Listen, I understand you're not wanting to leave him, but now eat something. Then lie down near him and sleep. We'll call you if he wakes up and you don't hear him... You need to sleep, now. Not only for yourself but for him as well."
"Yes, thank you. We can do that."
Jean Luc ate and went to the toilet before going to sleep next to Patrick. He woke up around two 'o clock to see Pierre keeping watch over them.
"He didn't wake up at all. How do you feel?"
"I don't know. Jules is gone, right?"
"Definitely."
"Thank God, or I would have killed him."
"I was near killing him myself." Pierre answered in all seriousness.
"You can go, now. I can watch him now. I have slept long enough. Did you change the schedule?"
"Yes, I released a statement saying that he had fallen ill. We are going to need a medical certificate for the insurance company or else we'll lose our shirt..."
"Do what ever you have to do. Only he's important to me. I don't give a shit about the money. Leave us alone for now. Ah, no, wait. Do me a favour - please bring a stereo and his CDs in here."
"Do you think that..."
"Yes, it is the part of his life that he loves the most."
He played the songs on low and started to caress Patrick very lightly all over his body. The first CD finished and the second was just starting when Jean Luc became aware that Patrick's body was reacting to his caresses. He made them gentler and more intimate. Patrick quivered two or three times, but this time in pleasure.
Then he opened his eyes, and Jean Luc stopped. "No, please... go on..." Patrick said in a feeble voice.
"Do you like it?"
"You have to ask?"
"You really do want me to go on?"
"Yes... please?"
Jean Luc bent to kiss him and Patrick thirstily responded to the kiss. Little by little, almost imperceptibly, they started making love.
"Take me, Jean Luc."
"You want me?"
"Yes, please. I need you. I really need you. Please..."
"Certainly, my Love. I love you."
"Let me feel it."
"Yes, Love..."
"Help me..."
"Of course I will, love."
With infinite gentleness Jean Luc slipped inside him and as he bent to kiss him asked, "Is that all right?"
"Oh yes... stay inside me for a long time. Don't come too soon."
"Sure."
"I am yours, and only yours, right?"
"Just mine, my Patrick!"
"Move, Love. Let me feel all of it... Don't be afraid, I want to feel you... I want to be fully yours..."
"This way, Love?"
"Yes, oh yes! You are the right man!"
"And you are mine. And later, you will take me, right?"
"Yes..."
"Will you make me feel that you are my man?"
"Yes..."
Jean Luc moved inside him deeply and slowly, back and forth, as he bent to gently nibble Patrick's nipples.
"Oh, yes..." Patrick moaned arching his body. "I am yours!"
"I love you, Patrick!"
Patrick needed two more days to heal enough before he was able to resume his concerts. In spite of the fact that his panic attacks had increased, Jean Luc managed to persuade Pierre not to give any injections to Patrick. At last the Japanese tour ended and they spent the month of November in the villa in Corsica.
The weather was grey and rainy, but the two lovers spent long hours together. At times, while quietly walking in the woods, Jean Luc told Patrick his thoughts, ideas and bits and pieces of his life. Mainly though he listened to his lover. Little by little he realized Patrick always avoided talking about the period when he was between thirteen and fifteen years old. That was the period when he had received his stepfather's sexual attentions. An intuition grew inside Jean Luc. Patrick's fear of being touched could possibly have come from the trauma of being subjected to that man's whim.
Some details Jean Luc reconstructed, and some details he inferred from some elements he learned by skilful questions. He was starting to have a clearer picture of what happened. Juan Luc was not a psychologist, but the deep love he had for Patrick gave him the insight and the intellect needed to understand what had occurred.
One afternoon he had a discussion with Pierre and asked him, "Do you know exactly what happened to Patrick with his step- father?"
"Bah, yes... it was that man who introduced him to homosexuality. I mean, who awakened his sexuality."
"Yes, but how, and when... and where, above all? I feel the key is there. Some elements still escape me. I am not able to make him talk about that period using vague hints and I don't feel right asking him straight out."
"I don't know. He hasn't said much to me either. His stepfather is the one who taught him to sing..."
"Yes, I know. Patrick was the first voice, the soloist in Autun's Cathedral Choir..."
"Yes, that's right."
"Is his stepfather still alive?"
"I think so. But Patrick broke away from his family a long time ago."
"Can you find out where he lives?"
"I think I can. But why? What do you have in mind?"
"If it possible for me to talk with him..."
"He will tell you nothing... he will deny everything..."
"He can't, not if he believes I am Patrick..."
Pierre looked at him with interest: "That might work... after so many years... he could swallow it. But do you think it's wise?"
"I think so. I think that is the key to the deep fears Patrick has. Can you try to learn where that man lives without having Patrick find out? And, can you find some excuse for me to meet him?"
"I can try..."
CONTINUES IN CHAPTER 9
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