The Top Hat

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The Top Hat

by Trapperg

The caption of the auction listing caught my eye so I just had to check it out further: "My Great-granduncle's Top Hat". It turns out the item was a beautiful beaver top hat in pristine condition but what really caught my eye was the included photos of the uncle with the hat. The photos were sepia-toned and showed a tall, barrel-chested bear of a man in his mid-to-late forties wearing dress and formal fashions for the time period known as the Edwardian era, or early 1900's. I've always felt that bigger men looked especially good in the clothes of that era; the way the stiff collars accentuated a big neck and waistcoats with watch chains highlighted a broad belly. Teddy Roosevelt is a prime example. The pipe-smoking uncle also sported a large handlebar mustache and, in one picture showing him holding the hat, salt-and-pepper hair with a severe case of male pattern baldness. "What a handsome man," I thought. Even if I didn't have an interest in things of this era, I would've had to buy that hat just because that hunky man owned it.

I placed a bid on the item, exorbitantly high to assure my success in attaining it. I really couldn't afford it on my second-year high school history teacher's salary, especially with the three-month summer break coming up, but I just had to have it. That man in the photo was my ideal, so healthy and vital, something I'd always have to dream about from inside my slim, smooth, blonde body. I was a sickly kid and unfortunately didn't grow out of it as an adult, always coming down with one infection or another- my medicine cabinet looked like a pharmacy and I was always carrying around some bottle or other of medicine. "Oh well, I guess I'll just have to put my vacation plans on hold this summer. I can use the time to study for some more teaching credits, I suppose."

The days until the auction ended crept by. Incredibly, I was the only bidder. I was wondering if everyone was waiting until the final minutes to scoop it up. I was glad I had put in such a high bid. Finally, the final day of the auction arrived. I could barely concentrate in my classes that day and then stopped at the first cafe that I saw to check if I had won--I couldn't even wait until I got home. I was elated to find that indeed I had won, and at a very reasonable price. I wondered why nobody else bid on it but was happy that I had won it and that I would be able to eat this summer.

It seemed to take forever until the hat arrived. As I carefully opened the box, I noticed a letter from the sender. It basically read that this belonged to his beloved uncle and he was happy to see it going to such a good home. He also mentioned that he had some other items of his uncle's--clothing, pipes, etc. that he would sell me at a good price if I were interested.

I couldn't imagine wearing any of the uncle's clothes, as they'd be way too big for me, but maybe one of the pipes. I made a mental note to write him back to see how much he wanted for these items.

Now I just had to see the hat. I pulled it out of its box and it was indeed beautiful. I turned it all around in my hands and it was flawless. Beaver fur brushed nice and shiny, no rips, tears, or wear marks anywhere. The owner's initials were embossed in gold on the inside. Wow! They were the same as mine! Even the smell of the hat was wonderful. Not musty at all, but rich, kind of tobacco-like with just the slightest hint of sweat, bringing back images of a simpler time. I entertained a notion of pleasuring myself while smelling the hat but another urge won out. I put it on. It fit perfectly, as if it were made for my head. Well, I may not be as big as the original owner, but at least our heads were the same size! Not only did it fit perfectly, but also it just felt right on my head. I went to look in the mirror and was very pleased with how it looked on me--it made me look more distinguished and maybe a little bit older in my workaday suit. I've always been a bit of a formal dresser, wearing a suit and tie whenever I go out in public, maybe that's why this era appealed to me so much--this type of dress was the standard, not the exception. The top hat felt so comfortable on my head I wished I could wear it when going out but that would be just too much. I'd just have to settle for wearing it around the house. I then noticed that I was beginning to get hungry so I went into the kitchen to fix dinner. As I didn't really enjoy cooking, I usually would prepare a large meal at the beginning of the week and then continue to eat it throughout the week. Today being only Wednesday, I still had a fair amount of food left. I doled out a portion and heated it up, only to eat it fairly quickly and still be hungry. That was strange, usually a portion like that would fill me up for the entire evening. I scooped out the rest of the food and just ate it cold. What had gotten into me? I was probably going to pay for that later in the evening, I thought. In fact, my pants were feeling a little tight so I undid my belt and loosened the button. "There, that feels better." I then retired to my reading area and picked up a great book I was reading about Teddy Roosevelt.

I awoke the next morning still in my chair with my book on my lap, top hat still seated perfectly on my head. I don't remember falling asleep but I did remember glimpses of a dream in which I was a trusted advisor to Roosevelt. I felt refreshed but had to hightail it if I was going to get to work on time. I showered and dressed in record time, stopping only to note that my stomach was still distended from last night's feast and that if I didn't watch it, I would grow out of my clothes. Then I was out the door, upset that I was not able to take my top hat with me. I comforted myself by telling myself that these were the last two days of the school year and when that was done I would be able to wear the top hat almost continually for the next 3 months. Strange to be thinking things like that, almost like I was addicted to it or something.

The day passed ploddingly and finally it was done. After a short stop at the market and another at the tobacco store next-door, where a pipe caught my eye, I was home and wearing the top hat. The feeling of having it on was very soothing and seemed to make me feel warm all over. Next, I was lighting the pipe like an old hand. "Wonder where I learned how to do that?" I thought. "Guess I read it in a book or something." The pipe felt good in my hand and the tobacco smelled and tasted good. In fact, there was a familiar scent to the tobacco and I couldn't place it right away but then realized that it was similar smelling to the scent of the hat. This hat was somehow influencing me in many ways. I had no idea what was going on, but I liked it. Cheerfully puffing away, I went to the kitchen to make dinner. I was getting pretty hungry so I made something quick and easy: meatloaf. Usually a meatloaf would easily last me a week but this time I resigned from the table with less than a quarter of it left. Again I wondered what was going on but it felt good, even with the overstuffed stomach, so I didn't question it.

I retired to the reading room for another evening but made a point of dashing off a message to the nephew asking how much he'd be interested in selling the rest of his uncle's things for. While at my desk I decided to do some research and within a short while I was alerted to a new message. It was from the nephew and he said that he was just trying to clear out some stuff and the uncle's possessions, while dear to him, were just taking up way too much space and he'd let me have it all for $250. "$250," I thought to myself, "one of those pipes he mentioned would sell for that, much less the whole lot." I replied that I would take it all and that I would send a bank draft the following day. He replied that he would send it out the next day as well, that he trusted me to send the money and wouldn't wait for it to arrive, as I'd be needing the stuff soon. "Wonder what he meant by that?" I thought. I made a mental note to wake up a little earlier the next day so I could stop and get the bank draft while on my way to work. Then, loosening my pants, I sat down and began to read.

I awoke in the same position as the previous day, feeling rested and actually a bit more energized than usual. I also remembered having a dream of being invited to dinner at Sagamore Hill, Teddy Roosevelt's home in Oyster Bay, New York. I reluctantly removed the top hat and previous day's clothes and went into the bathroom to shower and shave. I was surprised to see my reflection in the mirror. My stomach was definitely looking a little flabbier but something about my body seemed a little beefier, sturdier. I then noticed that the stubble, of which I usually only had a faint bit, had grown a little darker and seemed to be filling in, as well. "Maybe all the food I've eaten had stimulated something," I wondered. "And was my hair thinning and getting darker, too? That's gotta be the sleepiness." I shaved and showered and dressed for my final day of the school year. I made it a point to wear something especially nice, as the end of the year was always such a big thing for me. My larger belly made it harder to close my pants but when I did, the overhang of the belly looked good and I stood sideways to admire it. I then hurriedly dressed and even noticed that my collar felt tighter around my neck as did the suit coat around my midsection. Again, not a bad feeling. I grabbed my briefcase and was almost out the door when I remembered the hat and pipe. I still couldn't bring myself to wear the hat in public but did put it on once more for a few seconds before heading out the door. Walking to my car in what seemed to be a gait affected by my new tummy, I lit the pipe and took a nice big puff from it.

All the excitement of a last day of high school took my mind off my hat and my growing appetite, which was somewhat sated by all the cakes and treats that were brought in for celebration. I hoped that I didn't make too much of a pig of myself in front of the eyes of the students. Finally, the day was over and I was heading home. Puffing heartily on the pipe while driving, my mind was wandering to the remaining meatloaf and what else I'd have for dinner that evening. Pulling into the driveway, I noticed three large steamer trunks and several other smaller boxes piled in front of my door. I couldn't imagine what was going on; was someone moving in? I finished parking and went up to the door. The packages were all addressed to me, from the nephew. I couldn't imagine how he got them to me that fast, especially as we had just concluded our transaction the night before. I put that thought out of my mind as I pulled the items into the doorway, only stopping to replace the top hat on my head. "Ahhh, that feels better."

The boxes were numbered so I opened the first one. Inside, I found a large collection of beautiful pipes, lighters and other accoutrements, well used but in great condition. The box also contained a letter from the nephew. I selected one of the pipes, filled it and took a puff before reading the letter. The smoke from that pipe was better than anything I had experienced previously. It tasted great and filled my lungs with wonderful heat and energy. Right then and there I picked up the pipe I had previously been smoking and put it into the trash. Then I picked up the letter and began to read. The nephew explained that while never having met his great-granduncle, he felt a kind of bond to him, as he was the only other member of his family who preferred the company of men.

The uncle had been well known in turn-of-the-century society so had kept secret but his family knew and had been accepting. He had been a man who enjoyed life to its fullest but had died at a relatively early age- shortly after the photos on the auction posting were taken--from an infected cut, something that we can take care of very easily now. He pointed out that if I looked closely, I could see him favoring his leg in one of the shots. He continued to explain that while it broke his heart to have to get rid of the uncle's things, it was just impossible to keep them stored in his small apartment anymore. Again, he stated that he was happy to see the things go to a good home. I made a mental note to ask this fellow if he'd be interested in coming to visit the stuff every now and then.

I was starting to get hungry so the other boxes would have to wait. I went into the kitchen and ate the rest of the meatloaf in three bites before opening up a pack of chicken breasts to cook. I quickly prepared them and put them into the oven. While they were baking, I took the opportunity to inspect some of the other boxes. It was like Christmas! In them were many wonderful items of jewelry such as pocket watches, rings, tiepins, cufflinks, collar buttons, and pince nez eyeglasses. One box contained nothing but dozens of stiff detachable collars--way too big; another, several pairs of high quality shoes--again way too big; and another, several hats. At least the hats would fit me. One box had nothing but gloves, ties and ascots, while the last one contained underwear, silk braces, spats, and socks. I held the boxer underwear up and realized that even with my little belly I could fit into one leg of them. Everything had been worn but was in pristine condition. One final long box contained several beautiful walking sticks of finely carved wood, gold or silver. Lastly, only the steamer trunks remained. I was about to dig into them but then the timer went off in the kitchen and it was chow time. I hurried into the kitchen and dug into my meal. Before I knew it I had eaten half of the chicken breasts that I had cooked and was feeling sated, for the time being.

I returned to inspect the steamer trunks, waddling a little from my full stomach. As I squatted to open one of the locks, I heard a tearing sound and realized that I had split my pants. "Oh well, no time to worry about that now, and besides, nobody's watching." I opened up the trunk and it was jammed full of wonderful clothing in the Edwardian fashion: suits, coats, pants, waistcoats, tuxedos, and shirts. And the smell was mesmerizing. Not musty at all, but instead, kind of musky, manly, with some of the same tobacco undertones as the hat. I could've sat and smelled it all night but I wanted to get it unpacked. The second and third trunks contained more of the same. This guy was quite a clotheshorse, but I guess someone in society in that period would have to be. As I was unpacking and hanging up the items, I would hold up a jacket or pair of pants and fantasize about being big enough to actually fit into them. "Dream on," I thought, "not skinny you."

After a couple of hours I finally got everything hung up and arranged. It was taking up a lot of space in my house, too, but this stuff was incredible. What a link to history; I've got my own little museum. By now I had a raging erection and decided to try on some of the clothing, no matter that it was going to be huge on me. Since it was after six o'clock, I decided to put on a tuxedo. It took quite a while to put it all on- fumbling with the stiff detachable collar and tying the tie was especially frustrating- but it felt good once I was finished, even though it didn't even come close to fitting me. No matter, my erection was still there, and standing in front of the mirror, I shot a big load in a matter of strokes. That felt really good. I decided to keep the clothes on while I was doing my evening's reading. But first it was back to the kitchen for a quick snack.

As I was starting to expect now, I awoke the next morning in my reading chair. It felt good to have slept in these great clothes all night and was afraid that I may have rumpled them too much but they didn't seem worse the wear. I guess I didn't toss and turn much in the chair. I stripped off all the clothes and went to the bathroom for my morning routine. As summer vacation was officially here, I was free to take my time in getting ready for the day. The image that greeted me in the mirror was quite shocking, though. It looked like I had had a pretty bad night. My face was ruddy looking and I was noticing some wrinkles forming at the corner of the eyes. My nose seemed to be thickening some, too. That wasn't the end of it, though; the stubble I noticed yesterday had thickened and filled in even more and there was even less of my hair on top, now even darker. I examined the rest of my body and changes were forming there, as well. Patches of dark hair were sprouting around both nipples as well as around my belly button. I noticed hair on my legs and arms as well. Turning, I could see the beginnings of hair on my back. And, while turning, I noticed that my belly had grown again. "Well, all that food can't just be sitting there." This time, however, I noticed that not only had my belly grown but also my chest was getting thicker and wider and my arms and legs were looking more solid and bigger, right down to my hands and feet. In fact, I was enthralled by my meatier hands, something I'd always associated with strength and virility. I still had a ways to go before anyone would call me anything but skinny but it was a start. I liked these changes.

I noticed a throbbing in my member and looked down to see that it seemed to be a little longer and thicker. No complaints there!

I ran the water and was just about to begin lathering up for a shave when I remembered something else I found in one of the boxes. I returned with a straight razor and proceeded to give myself the smoothest shave I ever had. I have no idea how I knew how to do it; I just did. I showered off and noticed more hair going down the drain. Oh well, that's a small price to pay.

I felt vibrant, alive! I wanted to share my enthusiasm with the whole world. I finished off in the shower and attempted to dress. It was hard finding any of my clothes to fit me but I was able to squeeze into one suit. I would have to go around to some charity stores today to see what I could find. It would have been very strange to me not to have dress clothes to wear, as that was what I had been used to for so long.

I finished dressing, made myself a big breakfast, and got ready to go out and do some errands. I needed to go to the library to pick up and return some books, to the charity stores for clothes, and also to the grocer's for more food. As I was walking out the door, pipe in hand, always in hand now, I again felt a twinge of regret at not wanting to wear the top hat. I made a compromise: I wore one of the other hats from the collection. When I put it on, I felt a lot better. I was really starting to feel naked without the top hat on my head. While this hat helped assuage that feeling, it still didn't feel the same. I walked out the door, whistling an old tune.

When I got back that afternoon with my groceries, books and some new clothes I was famished. Before doing anything, I exchanged my regular hat for the top hat. I then went to the kitchen and prepared a few large sandwiches and downed them with about a half-gallon of milk. That seemed to be a small meal for me now. Finishing that, I proceeded to remove my suit and shower and shave again. I was going to put on some of my new clothes but decided to put on one of the uncle's suits instead. It was fun to play around with all the fashions, exchanging ties and ascots, collars and waistcoats, along with all the jewelry that went along with it. I even put on a pair of his gloves. Just knowing that I was in his clothes was oddly comforting for me, even if they were way too big. I felt like I was close to him, smelling his smells, feeding off of the remnants of his life contained in those clothes. The thought of actually communing with the hunky, handsome man who owned these clothes was too much for me and I again produced a nice load out of my newly upsized member. I then fell asleep for another energizing nap and dreamed I was horseback riding with Teddy Roosevelt.

When I awoke, it was time to make dinner. I started the dinner and then went to change into evening clothes. I was beginning to get the hang of these old-fashioned clothes and was able to dress relatively quickly this time. When I returned to the kitchen, dinner was just finishing and I unashamedly ate every single bit of it this time. I spent the rest of the evening in similar pursuits and when I fell asleep in the chair I couldn't help thinking that I couldn't wait to see my belly in the morning.

I was not disappointed. My belly had grown quite a bit. It looked as if every single bit of food I had eaten had gone right to my body. All the previous changes were more pronounced: belly bigger, body beefier and hairier, neck thicker, face furrier and wrinklier, hair thinner. I could barely tell what was happening to my privates, as the belly was getting in the way--there was quite a size increase evident in the mirror, though. I also noticed that the facial modifications seemed to be speeding up: my nose was getting fuller, as were my lips and some formation of jowls, my teeth seemed to be growing but yellowing from tobacco, as well; there was a slight change in the shape of my eyes as well as in the color. I also noticed that I was taller. I could hardly recognize myself anymore! It took me longer to shave because the beard was really getting rough. In fact, I decided to let the mustache grow so I wouldn't have to shave that part.

I went to get dressed in my new clothes and noticed that even though I bought them to be very loose, they were feeling a little tight. I didn't have the money to keep buying new suits so I didn't know what I was going to do. I'd have to worry about it when the time came. As it was Sunday and I had no errands to run, I grabbed my hat, pipe and walking stick and went to the park for a stroll. It was a beautiful day and I was feeling good. I walked about five miles, which had been unheard of for me before, and returned to my car feeling exhilarated but also famished. Fortunately for me, there was a hot dog vendor in the parking area, so I bought ten dogs and a couple of orders of fries. Finishing that off pretty easily, I returned for five more. That held me for a while. I felt great! Such strength and vitality in this new body I was developing. And all I had to do was feed it! Walking back to the car, realizing that my gait had really taken on a big man's lumber, I noticed several attractive young men checking me out. That was something I had never experienced in my life. I wasn't partial to outdoor encounters so I decided to head over to a local tavern and try my luck there. Sure enough, shortly after entering I was approached by a handsome young man who greeted me with the line, "Hello Sir, what's a nice Daddy like you doing today?"

He called me a Daddy! I was going to like these changes, although I still wasn't sure how I was going to explain them once the school year started.

We went to his place for an extended session. I had such vitality and stamina; I felt like I could go over and over for hours. He was really into my belly, now very furry, rubbing it with his hands as often as possible. His rubbing would really arouse me and before long, we'd be at it again. He also liked licking my fat ass, only stopping periodically to extract a hair from his teeth. Finally, I'd had enough. We showered and I dressed. Leaving, I said, "Look for Daddy in the park next week, boy." My voice had gotten very deep and sounded very strong and firm.

I loved it. I went home and ate a mound of food, then shaved and showered again before changing into the evening's clothing. The uncle's clothing seemed to fit even better this evening, although it still had some way to go. I spent the evening as usual and awoke refreshed in the morning.

I practically bounded to the bathroom to see the changes that had taken place overnight. I noticed that the mirror seemed foggy as if I had just come out of the shower. Suddenly, I realized that my eyes were aging, too. I was dismayed at this new development when I suddenly remembered the pairs of pince nez eyeglasses. I pulled one out of the drawer and, placing it on my nose, realized I could see perfectly again. The glasses looked great on my face, really complimenting it. Puffing mightily on my pipe, I began to survey the new day's changes. The first thing I noticed was the mustache--it was huge! Very thick and dark, with some gray peeking out of it. The ends were starting to get longer than the rest of it. The hair on my head was almost completely gone now, with what was left turning salt-and-pepper. The facial features continued to thicken and I looked about 20 years older now, but much more handsome than I had been previously. I was beginning to look like someone familiar but couldn't put my finger on it. My body had continued its progress as well, nice sized belly, broad thick chest, bull neck, tree trunk legs and beefy arms. I was loving it! I couldn't see my member, but from the weight of it, I could tell that it had grown as well. I turned sideways, pulled up my belly and was shocked at what had happened down there.

It was enormous and thick, with good-sized balls hanging low. Something seemed different and all of a sudden I realized what it was: I was uncircumcised! I reached down and stuck my finger between the foreskin and glans. What a sensation! I shot a load right there. I was so excited I couldn't stand it. I stood there, rubbing my expansive belly, playing with my nipples and just enjoying the power that coursed through my new body. It didn't take too long before another load shot out. I realized that I could be at that all day, and I was itching for my pipe and hat, so I shaved and showered as fast as I could.

This time I didn't even bother trying to put on the charity store clothes. I knew they'd be too small. I went right for the uncle's clothes. I outfitted myself in a fine ensemble and finished it off with some of the best jewelry in the collection. The clothes were still a little big on me, yet looked good. I was pleased with the result and after wolfing down a huge breakfast, proceeded to drive downtown and stroll about. I didn't care who was looking at my antique ensemble, including the top hat and cane. I felt good, felt right. I strolled about all day, treating myself to a huge lunch at a fine restaurant, taking in all the stares, both appreciative and disapproving. I was having a great time! I finally made it home around dinnertime and, after changing, made myself an enormous dinner, complete with a cake. I was more stuffed than usual and didn't even get any reading in before falling into a sound sleep.

The next morning I again hurried to the mirror to see the changes and wasn't disappointed. The facial changes had continued: the mustache had continued its growth and was now a formidable handlebar, the hair had completely cleared my head and I was left with just a ring of gray hair surrounding a smooth and shiny scalp. The wrinkles deepened and features thickened. I was a ruggedly handsome man in my late 40's. My body had grown some, too. Again, the feeling of rubbing my great belly was too much for me and I shot a load without even touching my member! I was really looking forward to wearing the uncle's clothes, as I was sure they'd fit me perfectly. "The uncle! That's it! That's who I look like!" I grabbed a hand mirror and went to the look at the pictures I had saved from the auction listing. Sure enough, the uncle's face and mine were identical. I realized that the clothing and pipe must've contained a lot of his essence and somehow it was transferred to me. Now I really couldn't wait to put on his clothes.

I sped through my shower and shave and excitedly ran to the closet to dress. I dressed slowly and deliberately this time, enjoying the feeling of dressing in these big man's clothes that would fit me perfectly. First the boxers and undershirt, then socks and garters. Next, a crisp white shirt with stiff collar and exquisite cufflinks. The stiff collar of the shirt fit snugly around my neck and it felt so right. Next, the suit pants with braces. Pulling the braces over my beefy shoulders and watching them lay atop my belly was quite a thrill. A handsome pair of oxfords finished up the lower end. I then selected an ascot tie, even though I wasn't as good at tying them, and attached it with a pin that matched the cufflinks. The waistcoat was next, fitting snugly across my belly, accented with a gold pocket watch and chain. Finally the suit coat and gloves and of course, the top hat. The sensation of the collar on my neck got me aroused again; I could feel my "little uncle" stiffening up beneath my belly.

I turned to the mirror and quickly shot a huge load. Then, I hurried into the kitchen and practically inhaled everything I could get my hands on before heading out for the day. I felt fantastic, more alive than I had ever been.

Strolling the streets, I noticed another handsome young man turning his attention to me. I caught his eye and motioned him over. He was enthralled by me and soon we were in his room filling him up with me. I felt full of vitality. After several hours and many loads, he begged for respite. I showered up, dressed, and just left him in a heap on the bed. After another huge lunch I was on the streets again, just enjoying the day and life. What a wonderful thing to have happened to me!

After several more hours of enjoying my new persona, it was time to go home for the evening. Arriving home, I quickly ate, showered, shaved and changed into evening wear. I was having too much fun to sit at home so I decided to go out to a swanky club. I looked and felt great and my vitality must've been apparent because it seemed the whole club turned and watched as I entered the room. One strapping young man separated himself from his companions and headed my way. He unabashedly told me what he wanted and that he was determined to get it. Who was I to disappoint? He was staying in the club's hotel so we went up to his room. He had plenty of food there to keep me going, too. By the time we were done, it was well after midnight. I showered up and headed home. What a great time I was having!

I decided to sit and read for a few minutes to wind down before going to sleep. As I was selecting a pipe from the pipe drawer, I came across a tin of tobacco that I must've thrown in there by mistake. I opened it up and noticed there was some tobacco in there. It had to be at least 100 years old but still smelled fresh, so I filled a bowl with it and began to puff away. I was in heaven, actually smoking the uncle's same pipe tobacco. It tasted marvelous, so smooth, unlike even the finest tobaccos of today. "Ah, to live in that time period..." I thought. I continued to smoke as I made my way to my reading chair and picked up the book on the Russo-Japanese War that I had been wanting to finish. I had long lost that lightheaded feeling from smoking tobacco but this new stuff was making me feel strange, for sure. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to smoke this stuff....

I awoke in my chair, as usual, but something didn't seem right. For one, what happened to the air? It was hot as Hades in here. My pipe was in my hand but it looked almost new. Looking around, my apartment had changed drastically. Instead of being in one corner of my small flat, I was now in a richly paneled library populated with thousands of ornately bound books. The empty desktop caught my eye and I thought, "Where's my computer?" then realized that I only had the vaguest idea of what a computer was, or did. There were some interesting noises coming from the street outside, sounded like hoofbeats. I got up to go to the window and almost fell down from the pain in my leg. Did I get up and bump it in the night? I would examine it in a minute but first had to find out what was going on. I went to the window and peeked through the curtain. The street was teeming with horse-drawn carriages and lots of foot traffic. Merchants were selling fruit from pushcarts. What's going on here? Is this a joke? Could I really have gone back in time? Suddenly I realized that I hadn't gone back in time, I was in my right time. I hurried to the desk and quickly jotted a few notes about the future as my memory of it rapidly dwindled. Just then a striking man in his early twenties entered the room, startling me. He had very refined, movie-star good looks and was dressed like a butler. He was looking at me with admiration and respect and I thought he was beautiful. Before I had time to think anymore he said, "I'm sorry, Sir, but you looked so comfortable there I decided to let you continue to sleep." "That's okay Charles," I said. "Please go draw me a bath." How did I know his name? I'd worry about that one later but first I had to find out what was going on with my leg. I pulled up the leg of my pants and saw a bandage there. I pulled it off and to my horror I saw a large cut in my leg with spreading redness and swelling all around it and tracking up the leg. It's a wonder I was able to walk on it at all. Then I suddenly realized the nephew's letter telling me that his uncle had died of an infected cut. "Oh, the incredible twist of fate that I have experienced. I finally experience a bit of vitality and it is about to be taken away from me." I decided to make the most of it, so I hobbled off to the bathroom for a bath and fresh clothes. Charles had prepared everything for me and I handed him my clothes, shaved and eased my bulk into the tub. I tried to cleanse the wound as much as I could but it looked hopeless. The infection seemed to be spreading as I watched. I vowed to tolerate it as long as I could but I could tell that the infection was already entering the bloodstream. I finished in the bath and Charles again appeared, this time with a bottle in his hand. "I found this strange bottle in your jacket pocket, Sir. Did you get these salts from the doctor?" "Hand me the bottle, please." I recognized the bottle and my heart jumped into my mouth as I choked out, "Yes they are. Leave me while I administer them." I turned the bottle over in my hand and reread the word for which I would thank my lucky stars for dozens of wonderful years of life to come: Cipro. My sickliness had finally paid off and the bottle that I had in my jacket pocket had made the trip through time with me. Remembering what they were for (but also fortunate that the directions were printed on the bottle), I took two of the pills and hobbled out to see what clothing Charles had selected for me for the day.

Charles first handed me my full pipe, lit it and then he offered a suit I recognized as one of my favorites of those in the trunk. Charles paired it with a beautifully embroidered waistcoat and ascot tie, which he tied for me. "You were tying them wrong, Sir," he said. "See how this end goes over this one here?" An explosion went off in my head.

"You are the nephew!" I blurted out. "Yes and no, Sir," he replied.

"Why did you do this for me?" I asked.

He took my hand in his and said, "About a year ago, you rescued me from the streets and took me on as your servant, refining my habits and training me in the ways of service. After a few months, our relationship progressed. To the outside world we are butler and master, in this house we are lovers. Even your closest friend, President Roosevelt, suspects nothing.

I am the happiest I could ever imagine to be and you seem to be enjoying the relationship, too. Without those salts you brought back with you, you would be dead in two days and not only would I be turned out into the streets, but would lose the only man I ever loved. After you died, I vowed to dedicate my life to figuring out how to prevent you from dying. I spent many, many years learning how to distill your essence from the personal items your family so generously let me keep, then more time learning how to do the transfer, then finding and attracting the perfect candidate and finally, the transport back to this time. As it turns out, I also had to prevent myself from dying before I could find the right person who could host the change. That person had to be a good candidate, both physically and mentally. You were perfect in both cases. Your sickliness assured that you would be carrying around the necessary medicines while allowing more ease in transferring the essence into your body; your mind was amenable to a physical change while already familiar with, and accepting of, life in this time period. I had actually been ready and waiting for about twenty years, advertising in various venues, but was having no luck; the ad was specially designed to attract only the ideal candidate. I was just about to give up and die a broken old man when you came along. Now here you are, on the mend from your injury, and we are free to live a long life together. Welcome home, Sir!"

"That's bully!" I boomed and proceeded to remove his clothes.