I told my mom that Peter was coming for dinner the next Friday. We talked about on last Sunday afternoon and we both agreed that he would keep me from chickening out. I figured the reaction would be cooled down with a guest. Mrs. Walker reinforced that if Mom went off the handle, I had a place to stay and that she would talk with her. But this made my week wracked with anxiety. Each day how I imagined her reaction would be got bigger and more wild. On Thursday night I even packed an overnight bag just in case: red turtleneck, red slouch socks and underwear along with my travel toiletry kit. Mom must have noticed my change of attitude and asked if everything was okay. I passed it off that I had a calculus test and I was nervous about it. She did her usual, told me I was a hard worker and the grade will come.
I met Peter at the park again, though we had to go the opposite direction to our townhouse. I wore my yellow turtleneck, yellow slouch socks and navy chinos. It was kind of the gayest outfit I could think of. The truth of the matter was that despite my anxiety, I was excited about coming out. Peter made me happy to be gay and the joys of love and sex.
Peter looked amazing as usual with his light blue cableknit turtleneck sweater, dark blue jeans and his brown boots. He showed me his wool socks in physics. I just love him so much. This is why I'm doing this, for him.
`Mom, we're here,' I called and was acutely aware how reedy my voice was from anxiety.
Mom came out of the kitchen. She dressed up a bit, wearing her black slacks and black turtleneck. It was her office party outfit. Mom doesn't really have a lot of clothes. A lot of scrubs and pajamas. But not a big wardrobe.
`So this is Peter! I'm Barbara, don't mind Alan's lack of manners.' She gave Peter a hug, which meant that she had to stand on tippy toes. Mom is an even five feet tall. I'm 5'8. Peter is 5'9. That's a sexy height.
`So I hope you like lasagna. I see you like turtlenecks too, Peter. Alan wears them all the time, I have no idea why. Just his thing I guess.'
`Um mom, can we sit down for a second. There's something I need to tell you.'
`Why, sure. Why don't you just tell me now? Is everything okay at school?'
Yeah, um. Peter is,' I felt my face flush and it was no or never. Actually now or Peter would either tell her or kick me. Peter's not my friend, he's my boyfriend mom. We're, I'm gay.'
Mom stood there and her smile disappeared for moment. Then she burst out laughing. `Oh, okay, finally!'
`Mom...'
No, no, it's fine. It's fine. I'm sorry, I know this important for you, but...' She coughed and smoothed her hands over her hips and then held them in front of her. I am sorry.'
Peter and I stood there dumbly, not really knowing what to do. `You knew,' I eventually asked, quizzically.
`First, come to the table please, I don't want dinner to get cold.' Peter and I followed her to the table. Mom was clearly excited by the company because she put out her mom's tableware, which was definitely really nice. I poured her a glass of wine. Peter rested his hands on my back for reassurance from time to time.
Mom cleared her throat as she scooted her chair in. `Shall we say Grace?'
Peter was respectful, though I know he's an atheist. Mom started eating, and I followed suite. After a few minutes, mom cleared her throat.
`To be honest with you Alan, I had a suspicions you might be. Gay I mean. You never seemed interested in any of the girls at church and there are some pretty girls there. Then I thought maybe you were a little immature with your games and everything. But I always supposed you'd tell me at some point and I suppose that's now. And I am very proud of you, honey, really I am. I am sorry for laughing at you. I'm guessing this isn't something out of the blue?'
I shook my head. I can't believe she's not mad! Something is up, it must be so that she doesn't embarrass Peter. I shook my head no. `I've known for a couple of years, when I was twelve I guess.'
`And how long have you two been dating?'
`I guess a month and a half.'
`Well, you two make for a very handsome couple. Do your parents know, Peter?'
`Yes, Mrs. Robeson. I told them when I was fourteen but I knew since I was a little kid. They're both really supportive.'
`If you call me Mrs. Robeson one more time, Peter, it will be the last time you are invited!'
Peter laughed, `Sorry Barbara, I'll try better.'
`I'm glad to hear that about your parents. Do you have any siblings Peter?'
Yes...Barbara.' Mom nodded in approval. My brother Tim has been in the navy for about ten years I guess. I think he's in Japan right now. We're not really that close. He's a lot older than me. My sister, Sarah, is in her sophomore year at UCLA. She's doing premed.'
`It's a shame that you and your brother aren't close. Family is so important. So what brought you from Los Angeles to Cleveland.
Peter explained his father's job and that his mother found work doing HR. Thankfully he did not go into details about the hospital. Watching him talk and joke with mom and seeing him in his turtleneck sweater was just so amazing to see. I love him so much! I can't believe Mom thought. I was gay this whole time!
After chatting for a while with Peter, Mom turned her attention to me. `I'm glad you told me, Alan and I didn't hear from someone else. I just wish you told me earlier, but I suppose you needed time to think about how to do it. I'm not angry about you being gay Alan at all. Or you Peter. I do hope we get to know each other better because Alan likes you and that makes me happy. God loves everyone, Alan. Everyone, and Jesus does too. All He asks is that you love Him back. You know, Pastor Thomas was gay. Did you know that? He tried to hide it but everyone knew. He was a good minister and he helped me so much when your father passed. Shame about the cancer. Anyhow, this has been wonderful. Alan, can you be a dear and clear the table?'
I overheard my mother, who doesn't have the ability to speak as quietly as she thinks she does from the kitchen as I set the plates on the counter. `...my only child. You be good to him.'
Peter stayed a bit longer but went home soon after we had dessert, Mom's not-so-famous apple pie. After doing the dishes in silence, she sat me down at the table again.
`Okay Alan, honesty.'
`Yes, mom.'
`Are you and Peter having sex?'
My face flushed with embarrassment as I nodded yes.
`Have you had sex with anyone else?'
`No.'
`Are you using protection?'
`We're, um, not doing that,' I choked out. Mom, I don't want to talk about this!
`Are you going to?'
I looked around the living room. No escape route seemed viable. I nodded and mumbled, `Probably.'
Mom nodded. `I'm not mad Alan. But you are both coming to the hospital soon. I know track season starts next week and you'll be busy. You will find the time. You both need to do an STD test. You need to get in the habit if you're going to have penetrative sex.'
I must have rolled my eyes because her rebuke was sharp. `I'm not kidding Alan. I saw it all the time in the venereal ward. And the reaction is always the same, it was just one time they always say.'
`Okay mom, we will. Can you do it though?'
`No, I work in radiology and its not my place and I won't have the time anyway. Don't worry, its a routine test, its anonymous and it will take you ten minutes. You two don't have to do it together, your know.'
I nodded and got up and started for the stairs. Mom stopped me and hugged me tightly and said, `So does this mean you are out of the closet, or do I need to keep it a secret?'
`No, I'm out. I guess me and Peter will get found out anyway and I don't think its not fair to make him hide it for me.'
Mom nodded. `Good answer. Good night, and I do love you Alan.'
I told her I loved her too and really meant it. I felt so relieved about everything! I was so glad Mom was okay with me being gay and liked my boyfriend. I don't know why I was so worried in the first place!
I stripped off my chinos and collapsed in bed in my yellow turtleneck and slouch socks. All the scenarios I had built up in my head were wildly over exaggerated and the sudden release of all my anxiety flew off. Then I pleasured myself into oblivion imagining me blowing Peter in his gorgeous turtleneck and walking through school holding hands. I slept like an absolute baby.
I saw Peter again on Sunday. Mom was totally normal aside from greeting me with `And how is my gay son this morning?'
Peter and I were laying in our usual post-sex posture, curled up into each other wearing only our turtlenecks and our socks. I was wearing my green turtleneck and slouch socks, Peter in his gray cableknit turtleneck and wool socks. My socks were slouched all the way down to my ankles. Peter loves playing with my socks when we have sex. I do too. The butt plug was still in and I was really enjoying the feeling of it inside of me. I loved how it felt when I moved a little. Peter had rimmed me before he put it in, this time he was so into it and it felt so amazing that I had to cum. We prepared for this with a towel. Then I gave Peter what I thought was my best blow job. I just love the taste of his cum now.
I think you need some more turtlenecks, Peter,' I said, breathing heavier. I don't think mine will fit you but you can borrow some if you want.'
`I know babe, I asked for one for my birthday.'
Nice.' His birthday was Wednesday, so that was okay with me. I think we can try the bigger one.'
`You sure babe?' I love it when he calls me that. I'm still getting used to the whole boyfriend thing, relationship thing, The whole being out thing too.
`Yeah, when do you think your parents will be back?'
`I guess we have time. Maybe like an hour? Dad's at his office, he has to look over everything his associate did and mom's with a friend she met a work. Mom said she'll be back for dinner.'
`Okay, let's try it.' I'd been trying all week to describe the feeling of having a butt plug inside of me. The best I could thing of was submissive and that, thinking of my turtleneck and now slouch sock fetishes, was so erotic to me. I had been wearing it after dinner for most of the evenings. After my shower I used the bulb to clean myself out, then I lubed up the plug and I guess my hole was getting used to it because I didn't have any soreness from sliding the plug in. Then I'd take it out and clean it just before going to bed. Even without a turtleneck and socks, it felt great. With a turtleneck and socks, amazing.
Peter got under his bed again and pulled out the medium sized on. I put my hand on his and said, `No, sweetie, the big one,' I was trying sweetie for him, and Peter liked it. I had to think about it to say it though.
`Are you sure?'
Yes,' I said. I got up and he followed me to the bathroom. I carefully slid the small one out and put in the sink. I then leaned over the toilet and presented my ass to Peter. I heard him spread lube all over the bulbous end of the plug and then, just to be sure, he rimmed me some more. I moaned with delight and ran my fingers over my turtleneck collar as he did that. Ohh, I like that,' I cooed.
Peter then slowly pushed the new butt plug in me. I gasped from the sensation, it was more than I thought it was but I told him to keep going. It kind of hurt but it felt so good at the same time. Oh yeah, more,' I kept saying as I felt it slide ín me bit by bit. Ohhh, wow, ooooooh, more baby, more.'
Peter kissed the back of my turtleneck colllar and wrapped his sweatered arm around my belly. `It's all the way in babe,' he said, kissing my turtleneck again and my ears. Ì squirmed from that and the absolute fullness inside of me.
`Oh I like this! Ohhh, wow I'm so full, you need to get one sweetie!' I stood up and turned and pulled Peter into me. I kissed his turtleneck collar hungerly as my body quivered and squirmed from the sensations. I couldn't get my penis up but I felt so horny from the fullness inside of me and the submissiveness of that and my turtleneck and socks.
Mmmm, I guess the big one is the right for you, huh,' Peter said delightedly, returning my kisses. You want to...'
The loud clank and grind and hum of the garage door opening spun us back into reality. Shit, mom's back,' Peter shouted. We scrambled for our pants, my jeans and Peter's gray sweatpants. I like that monochromatic look, I thought it was quite masculine and sexy. I was sliding my briefs on when Peter stage-whispered, Don't you want to take it out?'
I shook my head and smiled, `It feels too good right now. Besides, she won't know.' I have to say, the fullness inside of me was making me feel very naughty, sexually speaking.
Peter laughed and nodded. We were dressed and entering the living room when Mrs. Walker came in from the garage entrance in the kitchen. She was looking at her phone and said absent mindedly, `I'm back, hope you are decent!'
`Mom!'
I giggled, because I was not decent at all with a sex toy inside of me.
`Alan, Peter told me about Friday night. Is everything okay, really?'
`Actually, yes. I think mom's getting used to it. But I think she really means it.'
Mrs. Walker nodded. `It took Zachary and I a couple of days to get used to it too. But I was very pleased that she was accepting. Please give her this. It's my card. I really would like to meet her.'
I took her card and put it in my back pocket. `I will Mrs. Walker.'
`I'm serious with you Alan. Your my son's boyfriend, and I need to meet her.'
I nodded and again said I would. Then I blurted out, She also said I, well, we,' I corrected myself and took Peter's hand into my own. We should come out at school too.'
Peter looked at me and said, `Are you sure? This is coming out of the blue!'
Pardon the pun?' I joked. But I saw he was serious. Well, I wanted to talk to you about it earlier but we were a little busy.' That was the sensuality of the butt plug speaking!
Mrs. Walker covered her ears and said, `No, no sex talk please!'
Peter and I laughed, but I was embarrassed. That was not me! That was totally the eroticism from my butt plug.
`Have you thought through who you are going to tell?'
`Yes, Mrs. Walker. I have some friends, they go to a different school. They've been kind of wondering why I haven't been around in a while. I'll tell my track coach, she needs to know. And I guess I'll tell anyone else who asks.'
`Okay. Peter had a coming out party at school.'
`Yeah, but mom, the school was like, 150 kids in the middle school. And everyone pretty much knew anyway.'
Okay, so no party then. Too bad, I could have made Alan a rainbow cake like I made for you,' Mrs. Walker joked. Actually, I think I'll do that anyway. But I'm proud of you Alan for coming out. I know its not the easiest thing to do.'
I nodded and thanked her. I was actually pretty excited to do it. I think maybe the sensuality of the butt plug had something do with it, and wearing my turtleneck and sock outfit as well but really, my love for Peter made me feel right and happy to be gay and I didn't want to hide it any more.
On Monday, during my lunch break, I went to Coach Sampson's office by the gym. She was a perky, energetic and demanding PE teacher and coach who could easily outrun everyone on the team. Except Jeremy Hunter. He was a tool but he was on his way to Ohio State on a track scholarship. I was wearing my red turtleneck, dark blue jeans, red slouch socks and usual Vans. Coach Sampson was typing on her computer when I knocked on the door jam.
`Oh, Alan, come in! I wanted to talk to you. There's a rumor about you going around.'
Oh crap, do people already know? `Um, what's that?'
`A little bird told me that your not running this year? What's up with that?' She rolled her chair back and folded her arms across her Southbridge Track & Field hoodie.
I think my relief may have been a little obvious. `Oh, that. Um, I don't know, I haven't decided yet.'
`It would be a real shame if you don't. I think you'll look back and regret it if you don't.'
`I'll think about it, Coach S. But, um, there's something else I wanted to talk to you about.'
Coach Sampson nodded and sat up attentively. She had always been my favorite staff member at school.
I'm, hmm, this is a little harder than I thought it would be,' I stammered. I wished Peter was with me. I just realized that this was the first time I would be telling anyone without him. I'm coming out now and I wanted to tell you first at school.'
`Oh, oh I see. Oh that's great Alan,' Coach Sampson practically squealed as she leapt from her chair and hugged me.
`Thanks coach,' I said, not sure what to do next.
`So is this a private thing or, what? Does your mom know?'
`I told her this weekend. She said she thought I was. Anyway I have a boyfriend now, so I guess it won't be a big secret much longer but I wanted to tell you.'
`Well, I won't spread it around but I'm very happy for you Alan. So who's the lucky guy? Or is that a secret?'
I laughed. `He, he's waiting for me to start telling, but he's out. He was waiting for me.'
Coach Sampson nodded approvingly. `He sounds like a catch. Well, that is just terrific Alan. And I am so touched that you came to me. Really, I've really enjoyed having you on the team and I hope that you'll be there for preseason next week okay?'
Over the week Peter and I didn't really change any of our habits. I only told Coach Sampson, and now that I had I was determined to be truthful if anyone asked about us. I told Peter to do the same, I was okay. To be honest I was kind of disappointed there weren't any takers.
I met up with Ricardo and Mark after school on Friday. Though I really wanted to be with Peter, I knew that I needed to make some time for the guys. Tom was grounded though for failing a math test. I figured we'd meet up later.
`Seriously, man, where the hell have you been? It's like you just disappeared on us.' Ricardo was pretty pissed as we started setting up. It was going to be a long game, so I hoped we could get this part out of the way quickly. I had almost chickened out of it, but Peter insisted. I wore my white turtleneck, khaki chinos and my white slouch socks. It wasn't the gayest color choice, and I was thinking I should have worn something more obvious.
I had always had an attraction to Ricardo. He was a stocky guy who had grown up muscular and tall and erotically masculine. He was a starting wide receiver for Woodson and I liked his body. Mark was Mr. Average but wicked smart and usually outplayed us, so it was quite a thing to beat him. We were in Mark's basement. Pizza boxes and sodas were spread around the ping pong table we used.
`I know, I'm sorry. Things have kind of been crazy for me. Um, so, can we just stop for a second?'
Ricardo and Mark paused and looked at me. It was pretty out of character for me to be up front like that. In the crew I was always the quiet guy.
`Look, guys, I'm just going to say it, I'm gay.'
Mark started to laugh nervously like he always does and Ricardo shook his head. `No shit. We all thought you were.'
`What?'
Dude,' giggled Mark. It was pretty obvious. I mean, the way you talk about your characters and I thought you had a crush on Ricky.'
Ricardo gave Mark a stare. Then he looked at me. `The turtlenecks are pretty gay Alan. There you go, I've been wanting to say that forever. I guess it makes sense now. l don't get it but whatever. Don't leave us hanging like that again. This is our last year here, so don't disappear.'
I felt like I was going to cry from the emotions and the acceptance of my friends but I held it back as best I could. Ricky can be merciless with his teasing.
On Saturday I went to Peter's to celebrate his birthday. I ordered a nice oatmeal colored cableknit turtleneck sweater for him with a pair of matching wool socks. Mom helped pay for it and sent a card for him. I was really excited to give it to him and watch him open it.
I feel incredible and incredibly different now. I didn't realize how much energy and emotional damage I had put myself through in hiding my sexuality. But I have a self-confidence I've never felt before. I am in love with a gorgeous boy who loves me back. The fact that we both share a turtleneck fetish is just beyond it all. Speaking of, I wore my red turtleneck, red slouch socks and my navy chinos and black vans. I noticed that when I went to Peter's house I tended to wear my brighter colored turtlenecks.