Ok so if you had forgotten what happened, or are just new to the series, the main character, Chris, just fucked up his relationship with Michael and is currently stuck in limbo. Word has not been confirmed on if they are still together or not, and from the looks of it, the outlook doesn't look too well.
Welcome to the Winter Break section of the series as it looks to be a fun part of Chris's life.
Ever since I left Friday night, my heart felt the worst pain imaginable. I had done all that I could to try and convince Michael but in a way I felt that I could have done more. I couldn't bear to look at his face, his sad look, the hurt in his eyes, so I had gone back to my room to pack, asking Ally if I could stay with her that night, since we were leaving the following morning.
She knew something was up from the sound of my voice, and since I had called her about Kyle, her initial thoughts were that I had done something to him. I was silent on the ride over to her room but once we entered in, I cracked. No I broke, like a vase crashing against the floor, splintering into a million pieces. I told her what I had done, my words that had broken everything, my dreams, my choice on who I wanted to be with, everything.
The first words out of her mouth, and I remember them very vividly, were: "You are a fucking dumbass Chris." That really didn't help the situation much, me having been on the floor crying, balling my eyes out over what I had done. I felt like the worst guy in the world that weekend, that long drive up, the past four days.
Ally did her best to comfort me, though doing her best to remain detached and keeping things in focus. That is what I loved about her, she was always truthful. While she did love me, she was the smarter one out of the two of us, knowing what I had done was wrong and reminding me constructively in subtle ways. For instance, when I was crying in the corner, she did come over to cradle me but also tell me that I had done wrong and that I needed to deal with the consequences.
The drive up to Sacramento was long as usual but with Ally blasting Christmas music, it almost made it unbearable. The happy-go-lucky songs of Santa Claus is Coming to Town, Boughs of Holly, and others almost seemed to taunt me, their love songs reminding me of every mistake made.
It finally hit a point for me when Mariah Carey started singing "All I Want for Christmas is You." If there is any worse of a song to be played showing the pains of being single, just out of a relationship, let me know because this hit me where it hurt. "Just wanting him for my own, More than you could ever know." It was about halfway through the song that, I snapped my hand out, shutting off the radio, right when the lyrics "Holding on to me so tight, what more can I do?"
Ally looked over to me, a slight fire in her eyes. "Look Chris, I don't want to keep bringing it up but yea you messed up. Don't ruin other's Christmas though by being the Grinch this year. Now we ARE going to listen to Christmas music and you ARE going to listen to every word, maybe finally understanding what the true meaning of it all is."
Not looking at her, I snip out, "I think I know Al. Thanks but I don't need your patronizing comments." I made no effort to stop her as she turned the music back on, the song ending and changing to a different happy peppy song. The rest of the drive up was the same, short of a small change of drivers and a grab for food near Fresno. This was going to be the most unenthusiastic Christmas ever, not a care given. I mean I am happy over the religious part of it, happy that the Lord is born but what good is that without the love of who you care for?
The week before Christmas was long; Tay not arriving till Wednesday and Sean and Wendy not till Thursday. The days before Tay arrived gave me some good time to reflect on my relationship with Michael, looking at how far and how fast we had come to reach where we were. It was barely over a month since I had broken it off with Kyle and approaching the month mark with Michael. Thinking back to our first make out session, him and I having sex for the first time, that was just three and a half weeks ago. `Had I rushed into this?'
When Tay arrived, I was over at his place before he could even finish unpacking. I needed to talk with him, figure out what all I could do to fix things up. He had always been my go to guy when I had problems and know seemed like no different of a situation. Plopping onto his bed, I looked around; taking in the familiar sights of the place I used to hang out all the time.
Tay really had not changed much of his layout since he had left, two stuffed wolves lying near the pillow of his bed, some non-sexual animal pictures hanging from the walls (a few commissions that he got done by some fellow artists), an empty desk where his computer used to stand. The other non-furry pictures were of his family, some of them out camping, others traveling on the beach.
Reaching over to his desk, I pull over one of his desk frames, a picture of him and I standing at Folsom Lake, me behind him grabbing his chest and holding him close. `Oh when times were simpler,' I thought to myself as I rehashed the memory. It was hard not to get emotional over it, me wishing I could just go back in time and stay with him. Resting the picture back near his laptop; my eyes water up.
"I really messed it up this time." I move back to the wall, resting my back against it. Looking at the boy, his cute hair cut back to the length I like, I hold back the tears.
Tay had just finished unpacking, the suitcase set near the door for easy access to head back to San Francisco. Moving to the bed, he scoots over to my side, allowing me to rest my head on his shoulder, "Yea, yea you did Chris." The soft voice is not too helpful, but it speaks the truth.
Resting his arm over my shoulder, Tay pulls me in close, the smell of his body spray smelling good at the moment, a refreshment of what I have been missing. "You need to give him time. If you made any impact on him, then hopefully he realizes that and allows you back. Thing is Chris," Tay pauses to lift my chin and look deep into my eyes, "You will need to work for him. He doesn't owe you anything. You however, you owe him the hurt you caused, the cracks that you inflicted."
The words sting with every meaning behind them, but it is all true. I need to give Michael some time, as much as it pains me. Hugging the waist of Tay, I don't cry, my tears all shot out of my system. Tay returns the grab, caring for me as a brother, former lover, and friend.
That night was a mistake bound to happen, me doing something that could have had bad consequences. I texted him. It wasn't a long I miss you text, but something simple, hoping that I could get my point across that I am still thinking about him. I blame Mariah Carey for it, her stupid song "I Miss You Most at Christmas Time" playing in the background of the house. It was something that the General always played in memory of my mother, but given the moment, it felt like it was more for Michael.
All I sent was "I hope you got home alright and are enjoying time with your family." I didn't know what to write. I know it was stupid but I couldn't write a message that I missed him, because I, well I couldn't. The pain was too hard. I didn't expect any message in return, which was what I got, complete silence.
The Friday before I finally got to hang out with Sean and Wendy; the usual group heading out to the local mall to do some last minute shopping. With Christmas only two days away it was jam packed, the busy rush of people running around in a mad dash for deals. We thankfully didn't have to get much, just a small stop to Hollister for Sean to get some jeans for his brother and then to Sears to pick up power tools for the General.
The mall is freaking huge, all 200 plus stores running last minute deals for the frantic customers that are streaming in and out like partygoers on ecstasy. Hollister is thankfully on the second level, away from the families dragging their kids to the Santa for their pictures. Once we get inside the store it is a heavy flow of people milling around. The store is playing sappy popular Christmas music, Justin Bieber's new album blaring over the speakers.
Not wanting to stay too long, I wander around, hoping that Sean will make his selection soon. As I stroll through the store, I begin to feel the clothing, the fleece shirts calling out to me, resurrecting memories of Michael with every color I see. Thankfully the Beib's "Mistletoe" song just ended but is replaced with the Glee Cast singing "Last Christmas."
Taking in the shirt, I graze the flannel against my face, the memories flowing back to me. `I can't be in here,' I think to myself and I look around, seeing some of the popular clothing items that Michael used to wear. Not wanting to let go of the shirt, for it feels like Michael, I am snapped out of my reminiscence as one of the employees comes up to ask how I am doing.
Snuffling, I respond that I'm fine, and move on, though not further into the store, more like a direct line out to the crowds. The music out there is no better, N Sync singing "Loves in Our Hearts on Christmas." Yea they still play N Sync, which was really pathetic to hear but the words were what made me start to tear up. Leaning over the rail, I looked out at the passing crowd, the steady stream of heads moving on, each with their own problems to deal with. I do wonder how many of them are dealing with broken hearts at the same moment.
Wendy appears next to me, grabbing my waist and pulling me close, "Tay told me. I don't agree with what you did but I am here for you. We all mess up at times, some worse than others." She looks over to me, her jade eyes calming me down.
Chuckling between the sniffs, I blubber out, "Yea but I think I take the cake." I hug her back, taking in her curvy waist.
Before long Sean and Tay exit the store, Sean carrying a bag that has the new purchase in it. Wendy turns me around to face the two men, a flimsy smile working its way on. Sean notices the emotion, the slightly red eyes, and asks "What's up"?
Wendy and Tay look at me, and then both say at the same time, "Just heartbreak. Chris did something that he is learning from."
Sean moves up to me, resting his arm on my shoulder then says, "Well bro, if you want to talk, I am all ears."
Smiling up at him as best I can, I nod my head, "Thanks." I don't look in his eyes though, not really wanting to talk about it at the moment. The issue had been slammed into my face enough that I had learned from it. Or at least I think I had.
Christmas was a drag, something that seemed to drag on as the day passed. It started off with me waking up alone, something that had normally been with Tay. It was weird not having a body next to me on the big day, the lack of warmth starting it off all wrong. The General, Ally, and I all opened our gifts together, one of the few things we did as a family on Christmas. Granted we were going to be hanging out with Tay and the Wayston's later but for the morning, that was Jacob family time.
The General had bought me some Frisbee gear; cleats, running shorts, two Frisbees and some new socks. It wasn't what I was expecting but they were still things that I needed. Ally got some medical appliances, mostly for her physical therapy classes. While we were not able to get the General much, Ally and I pitched in to get him an iPad, the 2 being on sale early on in the Christmas season.
Breakfast was mixed in with the opening of presents, us all working together to make pancakes, bacon, and eggs. It was nice to feel as a family again, one of the few times this Christmas that something felt right. We all got a few laughs out of us, the jokes cracking back and forth between us. All mention of Michael was avoided, even though he was still on my mind.
After sending out my usual "Merry Christmas" texts to my friends, I looked up Michael, seeing no new messages from him. Sighing heavily, I type out the message, "Hey Michael, Merry Christmas. Hope you're doing alright." I felt guilt sending it to him but I was trying, trying at something that might patch up things.
I went back to looking at the gifts, opening a new one, a gift card for Amazon. While I was thinking over what I could use it on, my phone trilled, a new text having come in. Looking down at it, my heartbeat increased, Michael had written back. It wasn't much but it was a start, "You too."
I was a bit unimpressed with the message, hoping for a bit more but given that I had not heard from him at all, I was happy to see something. Debating on whether to message him back instantly, or not to, I started flying my fingers across the screen. "How are you doing?"
It didn't take Michael long to get back to me, his one word answer saying everything that I needed to read, "Fine." I took it from that that he did not want to talk any more, ceasing the messaging with his last statement. Better not to push my luck on the situation, allowing him to have the last word.
Placing the phone down, I back to reality; hoping to enjoy the day as much as I can. The day rolls by smoothly, me hanging out with Tay after 11, the rest of the day spent at his place. I told him about the texts and he only reiterated what he had said, that I need to give him time. I was growing frustrated but I still understood where I was. It was not my place to force Michael's hand. I couldn't push any further.
Dinner was a great meal, the family gatherings enjoying the time that we had spent together. Mrs. and Mr. Wayston made a killer turkey, the meat coming out just right. My family contributed to the desserts as usual, pumpkin pie and a nice chocolate mint pie being made by Ally. I made some of the vegetables, the carrots and peas coming out nicely (though Tay did help a little, I have to give him some credit).
The next two days were a bland, nothing really going on. With New Years Day coming up, I wanted to plan out what all I was doing, debating on whether to stay down here or leave for the cabin and be alone for the chiming in of 2012. The Cali Expo is always a great place to watch the fireworks, the outside being perfect to watch the explosions all around. Yea it can get a bit cold when you are alone but I wouldn't if I stayed here. I would most likely drag Tay, Sean, and Wendy along.
However, I did want to go to the cabin. It was a nice place to relax, the hot tub, while located outside, perfectly located to look over the valley. I can only imagine the snow view that I could be seeing. Heck I might even see some fireworks blasting off from the Squaw Valley resort down below.
While it was still far away, I couldn't forget about Tay's furry convention. It will be fun to see some of the paintings and look at the culture. I do hope that Tay gets to meet HuskRy, mostly so he can shut up about his fascination about the guy. Shaking my head while looking over my calendar I think to myself of how he would actually be happier that he got a signature from the guy.
My slumber of sleep was interrupted by the ring of my phone, the buzzing of its vibration on the stand forcing me back to reality. It was about 8 or 9 in the morning, I couldn't tell as my eyes had not adjusted to the daylight and blur on the digital. Reaching out for the phone, I slammed my hand on the mobile; bring it over to my ear.
Knowing only Tay would call me at this time, I answered, rolling over so I could rest with it on my ear. "Tay, what are you wanting? It's too early to be up!" I groaned out. There were a few seconds of silence before I tried again, "Tay, what do you want? You woke me from my sleep!"
"Hey Chris." That voice, the voice, I jerked upright out of my pillow, grabbing the phone and holding it against my ear. It was Michael.
As I quickly sorted out my thoughts, the biggest one ringing in my head being `Oh god, what is he wanting?' I cleared my throat. "Michael." Pausing a second, "Hey, how are you doing?"
This was the first time we had actually talked since that night, so I was worried what he might say. His voice though seemed distant, as if he wasn't all there. "I'm fine. Umm... I had a question... What are you doing for New Years?"
After a good two week break, I am now back to my normal four day posting periods, so keep an eye out for the coming chapters. Winter Break is shaping up to look like a fun season, and I hope that you all are looking forward to it as well.