Welcome back to the second semester of Chris's college career at CSU Long Beach. It will be a fun one indeed, and as we saw from the last chapter of Winter Break, the fun has already started.
Standing there almost nude, I was caught off guard by the asshole in front of me. This guy held a soccer ball in his hands, my red flags suddenly going off in my head. Who was this guy? What did he want? My body tensed up in case of the onslaught that is about to come.
The guy repeats his question, the testiness of it getting on my nerves. "What did you DO to Skyler?!" The ball of fury takes a step towards me, a wrong move in my book.
Countering his ploy, I move up to him and answer him for the first time, seething out my anger at being awaken and then verbally attacked. "Who the fuck are you? I didn't do ANYTHING to Skyler!" I get up close to the shit, realizing that I have an inch or two over him.
This guy would not relent, looking slightly up at me, but not enough to think he was lower than me. "You didn't hear? Skyler attempted suicide. I found him in his room crying in the corner, a knife dry with blood."
I stepped back, shock overtaking me. What? Skyler tried to kill himself? I knew he was in for a rough ride, him dealing with being gay and all but this was not expected at all. I couldn't find the words to say, sick at the thought of him dying.
The soccer player read my actions and tossed the soccer ball at my chest, forcing me out of my daze. "I know you caused it! You're the last one he saw before he started drinking excessively. Every time we would hang out, he would talk nonstop about some mistake that was made. And then this happens! Connect the dot Chris!"
How did he know my name? I went into a fury, not being able to have been there angering me into wanting to hurt the soccer player. Stepping up to his face, my wrath become very clear with ever word I say. "Listen you little shit, I didn't cause him to try to off himself. And this mistake he made... he wasn't talking about him, he was talking about you, you and your soccer buddies. Maybe if you weren't all so homophobic, this wouldn't have happened. He just wants to play but you have created such a hostile environment for gay to participate!"
It was his turn to be shocked, the ignorant player stepping back at what just hit him. While I didn't outright say it, I knew what had just been done, and it was something I had not intended to do. "What are you saying? That Skyler is gay? No fucking way!"
I moved forward, pressing against the prick and forcing him back into the hallway. Not relenting, I keep advancing till his back in against the wall. The damage had been done and I had just outted Skyler, but it was something unintended. I needed to stop the spread as fast as I can. Once he was flat against the wall, the guy started to shrivel. "Don't you DARE tell anyone that Skyler is gay, or so help him, I will break you into so many pieces." Punching the wall to the left of his head, I barely miss his head but my intent was clear. "Where is he?" I hiss out to the guy.
"What do you care?" This guy actually cared for Skyler, something I had not expected, especially since I just outted him.
"He outted himself to me first, and I just outted him to you. I now have to make sure you don't fuck him up. Especially given the soccer team's track record." I step back a little, allowing him to lead me to Skyler.
"Dude you don't know me. What the soccer team thinks and what I think are two different things." The guy starts walking away, taking a few steps before calling back to me. "You coming?"
Moving back in to grab some pants and a shirt, I stumble out after the guy, dressing myself as we walked towards the elevator. "So you know my name but I don't know yours, what is it?"
As we enter the elevator, the guy sticks out his hand, the first possible sign of a truce being offered, "My names Austin Greenfield."
I was kinda surprised that they lived on the first floor, near the front entrance as well. Of all the entire first semester, how had I not ran into them? Austin opened the door and, true to what he had said earlier, Skyler was still balled up in the corner, though no sharp objects were near him. He wasn't wearing much, a simple t-shirt, some common brand sports shorts. His wrists though, they were subtly bandaged and covered with a workout band. Austin stepped in first, Skyler looking up at him when Austin asked worried, "Hey how are you doing?"
Skyler was very meek and scared, his voice reflecting it in his speech. "I'm better now..." It was then that he clammed up, the sight of me entering shutting him down.
I rushed over to his side, worry overtaking me. This was the first time I had ever dealt with a situation like this so I was completely unprepared for how to deal with him. Sitting next to him on the floor, I stay to myself for a second, and then wrap my arm around his shoulder. His body shuddered at the feeling of my hand. "Skyler, why didn't you tell me? I constantly told you was that I am here to talk. I never wanted this to happen to you."
It was hard for Austin to watch his friend in this condition but being that he didn't really know what all was going on, besides the fact that Skyler was gay, he couldn't really do much. Yet then again, what all could I do? Skyler broke down and started sobbing, muttering out fragments of what he was thinking. "I didn't want this.... I didn't want them to find out."
Giving a cautious look up to Austin, I carefully worded my next sentence, "Well you can tell them all on your own terms. And Austin will be here to help back you up along the way." It was subtle but I wanted Austin to get into the conversation as well.
Skyler looked up at Austin, then over to me, his eyes wide; "You know? He knows?"
Swallowing hard, I admitted my mistake, "Yea he knows. He was worried about you and I told him about you. He needed to know what all was going on, and he has a lot more to learn." Looking at Austin, I widen my eyes and gesture to Skyler that he needs him.
Austin just sat there on his bed, unsure of what to do, his face displaying an unease of what all to say. Moving up to my feet, I leave Skyler and walk over to Austin. "Hey Skyler, Austin and I are going to talk out in the hallway real fast ok?"
Skyler gives a small nod, his olive hair waving gently to us as I grab Austin and pull him out the door. Stepping into the hallway, I cross my arms and glare at him, "What are you doing?"
Austin either plays dumb or he really doesn't see what is going on, "What? I'm letting you talk with him. I don't know what to say." His voice cracks at the statement, the weight of the situation slowly hitting him.
"He is YOUR friend! YOU have the better connection to him. I can only go so far before I run out of things to say. You need to let him know it will be ok." I vent to Austin, explaining how little I actually know of Skyler. I may be gay but it's not like I know the guy's life story.
Austin just stands there stunned; the gravity of the situation further pushing him to reality. "But... but... but... I don't know how to comfort him. I want to help him but this is a side of Skyler I swear I have never seen before."
Moving up to Austin, I look into his eyes, pleading for his help. "I know it's hard, trust me. But you have a connection to him that I have not been able to make yet. I only know him because he came to me first then ran off. I need you to be there, tell him something, hug him, I don't care. Just let him know you are there for HIM." I spin around and face the door in frustration. "Your friend almost died! What would you say to him if you couldn't see him again?!"
I move to enter back in, realizing that I might be on my own in this venture. Instead though Austin moves past me and falls to his knees in front of Skyler. "Skyler. Skyler look at me."
Skyler looks up from his knees, his auburn eyes red from the tears shed. His clothes are wrinkled from staying in the ball for the length of time that he has. Looking around his room, I take note of what Skyler is actually into; a snowboarding poster hangs over his bed, some family pictures stand near his bed, the family standing with a dog near the beach. His soccer jersey hangs from his side of the wall; probably a reminder of his high school years.
Austin continues to talk, his big brother mode coming out. "Hey, I need you to promise that you will never try to die again. Please." Austin pulls Skyler in close, cradling his head into Austin's chest.
At that moment Skyler breaks down completely, pulling Austin close like a lost child finding his father. "I feel so scared. I don't want to lose you as a brother; I don't want to lose the team; I need help."
Austin holds Skyler close, allowing him to weep into his chest. "Hey, it's ok. I'm not going anywhere. And you can always talk with me."
I just stand there, letting the scene unfold. I don't want to interrupt it because it needs to happen. The two of them have a lot to talk about, and unlike Michael and Bryson, this was reconciliation, not a fight. Austin actually cares about Skyler. There were a million things I wanted to ask him, no, talk with him, about. With all the sincerity I could muster, I broke the silence by asking the hardest question anyone could ever ask an at risk suicide. Moving down to the floor, I sat up against the bed and opened my mouth, "Skyler, do you want to talk about it?"
Skyler looks up from Austin's chest and over to me, the sound of my voice jarring him back to reality. With a grimacing feature, it was made clear that he didn't want to discuss it at the moment. "I... I don't know..."
Austin leaned back and brushed Skyler's hair, "Even all the crap that the world puts people through, none of it should ever get to that point. Talk with someone, anyone, Skyler. I was scared when I saw you in here with the knife. I felt responsible in ways you can't even fathom." Austin hugged Skyler, not as a friend but as a brother, their embracement what true friendship should look like. Even through the thick and thin (this being a very thin part of it), they still cared about each other.
Pressing further to make sure he wouldn't do it again, I asked the next hardest question, the thought of it bringing bile to my throat. "Are you going to be ok?" I was very nervous about asking this question, mostly because I could unwittingly be seeding the doubt back into his mind that life wasn't worth it for him.
Skyler scoffed and sniffled, "Yea I should be. To be honest, what brought me back was the thought of you. I thought of how strong you were and how, even though you have been dragged through shit, you still keep pushing." Skyler couldn't look at me when he said that, and as it hit me, I was blown away that he thought that of me.
Was I really that strong? Did I really look like a guy to him that he would want to look up to? I couldn't muster the words to say anything back to him, instead my face drawing a blank. Skyler continued with his explanation, "What we did to you was horrible, and I didn't think I could handle that. I didn't think I could handle the bashing and slurs but you, you somehow stand strong, like this shit doesn't faze you."
Coughing out a laugh, I looked hard at him, "It does hurt. Way more than you think, but you can't have other people rule you're life. YOU have to control what happens. You're strong Skyler, don't let anyone control you."
Austin looks over to me, not really sure what to say about the bashing and slurs. I know that he has his experience in dishing it out so this is all a 180 for him, a change that will be needed to be made. Not wanting to leave but knowing that I needed to give them their alone time, I stood back up.
Moving over to his desk, I find a post-it note and write down my number. Skyler notices my movement and looks up at me as I move towards them. "Here is my number. If you ever need to talk, and I mean it, EVER, please call me Skyler. I am going to go ok?"
Skyler reaches out his hand to take the note and nods his head slowly. His eyes have healed enough to make me think he will be alright and if he ever does relapse, I pray that he does call. Moving towards the door, I open it and look back at them, the Skyler and Austin sitting out in front of each other, the silence between them unnerving. As I leave though, Austin opens up first, "You being gay doesn't change anything between us."
When the first day of class came, I was more prepared for it than the previous semester. I had a better understanding as to where my classes were and how to best get to them. I still felt the burden of Skyler bearing on me; me tossing looks over to his room whenever I would pass by. I knocked a few times and announced who it was but no one ever answered. I could only hope that Austin was making headway with Skyler and that all was not lost.
My classes were great that Wednesday, a simple earth science class, technically called Natural Disasters and Earth Resources, an English class titled Shakespearian Writing in the 21st Century and Entry Level Math. Out of all three classes, the English class struck me as the most interesting; the professor talking about how much Shakespeare contributed to today's writing society. I was bummed that it was not Mrs. Steiner as before but this guy was pretty good at engaging the class, throwing witty remarks from Shakespearian writings at us all class.
Math was a refresher from high school, a complete drag in my opinion but I needed to complete it for my general education courses. The professor tried his best to make it engaging but in the end, for me at least, it was all numbers and symbols.
The Earth science class was blah, a bit of a drag in my opinion. While it was not a refresher from high school like math, it was still needed to graduate, fulfilling one of my science requirements that I needed (in addition to Biology that I took last semester). I actually took a liking to the professor though, a bit of an eye candy. He was tall and tan, evidence of the field showing through his muscles and baggy hair. While I don't normally go for older men, he was still young, possibly only in his late 20's, early 30's.
Unlike last semester, I didn't have Michael in any of my classes; instead he and I meeting up at the café for a mid lunch snack. While he was unable to show up on the first day, we met on Thursday, in between my Nutrition class and my Critical Thinking class. Something was off when I approached him, a slouch out of the norm, his attention lost when I called out his name a few times. Working my way over to him, I hugged him from behind, wrapping my arms around his waist and tugging tightly, "Hey babe, how are you doing?"
Michael snapped out of his daze at my approach, a smile appearing immediately across his face. "I feel tired and drained. My classes are back to back this semester, not to mention my two labs that I have. It'll be brutal further into the semester." His polo shirt was a bit wrinkled, a sign he really has been busy.
Releasing my grip, I move up beside him and sit, unloading my pack to the floor. "Well I am always here to talk with if you need it." Resting my hand on his, I smile at him, hoping to comfort him from the onslaught of classes.
Michael's smile went weak, him suddenly looking out over the campus. "Yea I know."
Concerned that it was more than just his classes, I pressed further, not sure of what I was going to find out. "Hey are you sure everything is alright? Is it about your family? Me?"
Michael looked over to me, a pained look on his face, "Yes. Well no... I don't know. This isn't the place I really want to talk about it."
Holding his hands firm, I press to show that I am here for him, no matter what, unease showing in my eyes. "Are you sure? You know we can talk about anything right?"
Michael looked away from me, a slight tear in his eye becoming visible. "Chris, I... I can't talk about this here. Please." With that, he took his hand from mine and grabbed his bag, a quick movement to gather everything together. Trying meekly to smile at me, he said to me, "I care about you Chris, just remember that."
Leaving me stunned, Michael left, moving through the tables towards the door. I wanted to chase after him and talk but he had made it clear that he didn't want to talk. At least not right now. Looking out over the campus with slightly blurred eyes, I began to wonder what all the semester actually had planned out for me.
Ok so this was a fun first chapter. As you can guess from the ending, a lot will be happening this semester. Let me know what you thought and I hope that you are all doing well.
Send me your thoughts and I will do my best to get back to them as soon as possible.