Is it really over for the two of them? Kyle just poured his heart out saying that he doesn't want it to end but Chris got the impression that it is. Either way the emotions are running high so let's see what happens next...
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Earlier in the night-
It had been a long day of playing Frisbee and seeing Kyle made it no easier. He looked to be doing well and from what little I saw of him play, he looked to have improved a little bit as well. Physically and emotionally drained, I wanted to stay inside for the first night but Pike had other plans.
Apparently the other teams had been talking about meeting at some karaoke joint near the beach. I groaned and complained when Pike dragged the team together. We had played very well for our first day, winning 3 out of 4 games and Pike wanted to celebrate. It didn't help that over half the team agreed with him; Bryan and Zach being two of his biggest supporters.
Hanging back from the group as we walked over, I looked out to the beach, remembering how nice it was earlier today. Then a flash of Kyle came to mind. Stopping on the walkway, I replayed our conversation in my head, the strained talk that we had. There was something in his eyes and I should have seen it. I should have paid more attention to how much he looked like he missed me.
"Hey Chris, you ok?" Ally shakes me from my reel, Kyle instantly disappearing into the night, the emptiness standing before me. Looking over to her with my sad eyes, I just nod my head. This was going to be a very crappy night. I could feel it already.
As we approached the karaoke bar, we all lined up to get stamps on our wrists, those that were over 21 green smiles, those under red frowns. It was comical but necessary to keep us from drinking. I hadn't been paying too much attention to who was singing when I was outside but once I entered I heard his voice all too well.
Looking up to the stage, my eyes went wide with horror as I saw Kyle singing. He had just finished singing the chorus and the instrumental part was playing. He looked completely torn up, the anguish clear in his eyes, his stance wounded. Our eyes exploded when we locked, the instant knowledge of what was going on making us sick. I turned and bolted out, not being able to face him.
Pike was ahead of me, and he had already seen what was going on. He also knew the song as well and what it stood for. Hanging out by the line, I crossed my arms and looked back inside, a tear wanting to break down my cheek. "Chris, come inside. We don't have to be near him."
Glaring at him, I snipped, "Pike, I don't want to listen to some sappy ass song. This is bullshit." I looked to the sea, its openness suddenly very welcoming.
Pike moved up and grabbed my shoulders. "Chris, toughen up. You two can't avoid each other forever. I know what he did was bad but it's not like you have been an angel either. Now man up and get in there."
It was harsher than I was expecting out of Pike but he did have a point. After everything that I had done, not just to Kyle but to Pike, Ally, and Peter, it was time I faced my own demons. I couldn't keep running from everyone. Holding my head up high, I walked back inside. I bee lined it for where our group was, not even looking at Kyle. It was snobbish, I am not going to lie, but it was the only way I could be in the same place as him. Ellie waved to me as I sat down and I just glared at her. This was probably partly her fault as well.
To my surprise she smiled at me, the unexpected response throwing me off. Seeing a copy of the songbook before me, I open it to scan over the songs. Looking up to Kyle, I watch as he finishes the song up. "
"The battle's in your hands now, But I would lay my armor down If you said you'd rather love than fight. So many things that you wished I knew, But the story of us might be ending soon."
It was hard listening to the words coming out, even if they were only Taylor Swift's. He was trying to speak to me in this manner. Paying more attention to him now, my eyes glued upon his body posture, the grip he was holding onto the microphone stand, the single tear dripping down his face. Oh god I really had hurt him.
"Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room and we're not speaking, And I'm dying to know is it killing you like it's killing me, yeah? I don't know what to say, since the twist of fate when it all broke down, And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now, now, now."
This was how we were right now; neither of us wanting to face each other. It was hard enough to see him up there, but to know this song was meant for me twisted my heart into a knot, the burning pain ripping through my chest. "And we're not speaking, And I'm dying to know is it killing you like it's killing me, yeah? I don't know what to say, since the twist of fate 'cause we're going down, And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now.
The end."
He couldn't look at me as he sang this last verse, the truth of it all sinking in to me. I was horrified. Secluding myself to my corner, I knew Kyle had just sung that we were over. There was no more left between the two of us. That was the final straw. It was time for me to move on.
Looking over the songbook, I found the perfect song to tell him I was not done yet. It was corny but it fit everything to a tee. This was more than just him though; this song was to everyone whom I had hurt this semester. Writing down the title, I held it for a few minutes, the fear of singing it causing me to second guess myself.
Looking over to where Kyle was, I saw he was just as distraught, though he didn't have much time to revile in his pain. Ellie instantly grabbed him and pulled him back to the bar, opening another copy of the songbook to point to a song. She was very excited about something; I figured it was her just wanting to do a duet with him.
A barista was passing by collecting songs and I gave mine to her. I knew it was a stupid idea but if he wanted to talk, I'll talk. The place was pretty packed, at least 15 teams in it. This was the first time I actually looked around the bar. It apparently was the biggest one in the area, a common hangout for gatherings. It had many different guitars and signed photos, well known artists of all types plastered to all the walls.
A song had passed as I took in the environment, the joyful bliss of each team making chatter almost echo over the signers. Maroon 5 had just been brutally murdered over the speakers, the singer knowing bits and pieces of the song. "Next up is Kyle, here again to sing Celine Dion's `It's All Coming Back to Me'".
This was a new song to me, something I had not heard yet. My ears perked up as I watched Kyle move to the stage. I was hoping it was going to be Ellie with him but she just sat down in her seat, flashing him a thumbs up in the process.
Standing up on the stage, the intro started. Kyle looked up at the screen, then over to me, then back to the screen again. His eyes were verging on being red and bloodshot, slight tears starting to form at the crests. I crouched into my chair to avoid having to look at him, as if my hole could also cut off any sound echoing from his heart.
"There were nights when the wind was so cold That my body froze in bed If I just listened to it Right outside the window
There were days when the sun was so cruel That all the tears turned to dust And I just knew my eyes were Drying up forever"
Rising from my chair, I start to listen in more to what he is actually singing. Looking to him, I watch as he reads off the screen. Off to the side, I see Ellie move forward, grabbing a chair near the front. A guy from the Irvine team moves up as well, grabbing the empty table with Ellie.
"I finished crying in the instant that you left And I can't remember where or when or how And I banished every memory you and I had ever made"
But when you touch me like this And you hold me like that I just have to admit That it's all coming back to me When I touch you like this And I hold you like that It's so hard to believe but It's all coming back to me (It's all coming back, it's all coming back to me now)"
Then his eyes lashed out to me. A tear dripped down his face as he knew what was coming. I didn't though. I didn't see any of this coming. I should have.
"There were moments of gold And there were flashes of light There were things I'd never do again But then they'd always seemed right There were nights of endless pleasure It was more than any laws allow Baby Baby"
Covering my mouth I started to realize what was going on. This was more than a song to him. And Ellie had just set him up... for me. "If I kiss you like this And if you whisper like that It was lost long ago But it's all coming back to me If you want me like this And if you need me like that It was dead long ago But it's all coming back to me It's so hard to resist And it's all coming back to me I can barely recall But it's all coming back to me now But it's all coming back"
When he reached the perfect pitch of `now' I knew it... I knew he still had feelings for me. I felt sick. My stomach just turned over on itself as I sat mesmerized by my ex, him standing up there all alone pouring his heart out. The room was silent. All eyes were on him.
"There were those empty threats and hollow lies And whenever you tried to hurt me I just hurt you even worse And so much deeper"
A flashback to the Northridge tournament came back to me, the two of us yelling at each other. "There were hours that just went on for days When alone at last we'd count up all the chances That were lost to us forever
But you were history with the slamming of the door And I made myself so strong again somehow And I never wasted any of my time on you since then"
What had I done? Had I really called it quits on him? Was this really my fault? "But if I touch you like this And if you kiss me like that It was so long ago But it's all coming back to me If you touch me like this And if I kiss you like that It was gone with the wind But it's all coming back to me (It's all coming back, it's all coming back to me now)
There were moments of gold And there were flashes of light There were things we'd never do again But then they'd always seemed right There were nights of endless pleasure It was more than all your laws allow Baby, Baby, Baby"
I could only watch as Ellie slid up a chair for him. Kyle, having belted out the high notes of "Baby Baby Baby", looked so emotionally exhausted he fell back into the chair, his head looking down at the ground. When you touch me like this And when you hold me like that It was gone with the wind But it's all coming back to me When you see me like this And when I see you like that Then we see what we want to see All coming back to me The flesh and the fantasies All coming back to me I can barely recall But it's all coming back to me now
Slowly people were starting to look over to me, especially when Kyle looked up from the ground. A simple tear streamed down his right cheek.
"If you forgive me all this If I forgive you all that We forgive and forget And it's all coming back to me When you see me like this And when I see you like that We see just what we want to see All coming back to me The flesh and the fantasies All coming back to me I can barely recall but it's all coming back to me now"
Looking at my table, I saw that Ally was just as shocked as I was. Pike was wide eyed, his pupils looking like they might just pop out. Michael didn't know who to look at, me or Kyle. He was so conflicted, angry at Kyle but sad for him. I felt very dizzy as all eyes were on me. Kyle's stung the worst as he finished the last verse.
"And when you kiss me like this And when I touch you like that If you do it like this And if we..."
Still sitting in the chair, Kyle looked over to me, halfway expecting me to do something. So I did. I just stood up in the middle of the absolute silence and I ran. I ran straight for the bathroom to keel over the sink.
Turning on the water as I threw up, I started crying. It hurt so much to have to deal with this. Thankfully I had not had a big dinner but still to see it all over again was not appealing. And then to think that he was just outside... I threw up again.
The door slammed open. I looked in fear to see who it was, my eyes now bloodshot as well. Who the fuck wanted to interrupt me right now? Ally just stood there, her back against the door barring anyone else from entering. Crossing her arms, she spoke softly but curtly, "Really Chris? That guy just poured out his heart for you and you run off?"
"What do you care Ally?" I snapped out at her, the taste of bile still fresh on my tongue. Taking some of the water, I swish it around my mouth to try and get it out. Spitting it out, I turn around and rest up against the sink. Taking in deep breathes; I try to calm myself down.
"You don't know do you?" Ally moves away from the door, taking small but noticeable steps towards me. "He did care for you. He has ALWAYS cared for you. Even when you two were apart and we didn't talk about you I knew he still had something there for you. You really left a mark on him Chris. I don't know how, or why for that fucking fact but you did."
Those words made me want to throw up again. Turning back to the sink, I try to drain my stomach but nothing comes out. Dry heaving for a few seconds, I look up to her. Taking in another swig of water, I clean out my mouth and spit it out. "What do you want me to do? I can't just talk with him now."
Ally grabbed my shoulders and looked me dead in the eyes. It was scary how similar we were to each other, looks wise. She may have gotten the brains but when it came to looks she was the female version of me. "Chris, you have to talk with him. Say something. Anything." Leading me out of the bathroom, I peer out to the crowd, who had slowly started getting back to their former conversations. I bet this was way more entertainment than they were bargaining for.
Before I could reach Kyle, Pike approached me. Solemnly looking at me, then Ally, he muttered, "Chris, it's your turn." Ally wanted to protest but I took the escape route, making my way up to the stage. I had a feeling this was a better option than flat out talking with him.
Moving up to the stage, I notice that his chair is still there. Looking out to where Kyle is, I see Ellie and his friend consoling him. He is quietly sobbing, not enough to make a huge scene but enough to make me feel horrible. "Up now is Chris singing Lea Michele's `Get it Right' from the Glee soundtrack," The DJ announces to the crowd. The music starts. Looking around to the crowd, I grab the mic and start singing.
"What have I done? I wish I could run. Away from this ship going under Just trying to help, hurt everyone else Now I feel the weight of the world is On my shoulders"
I was terrified. This song was originally meant to be for Kyle but given everything that had happened over the semester, I started to reflect on all the horrible mistakes I made. Looking out to Pike as he sat down, I made sure he knew this was for him. No one was getting off easy tonight. A slight tear creeped down my cheek as I looked out to Michael, he was sitting right next to Skyler.
"What can you do when your good isn't good enough? When all that you touch tumbles down? 'Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things I just want to fix it somehow But how many times will it take? Oh, how many times will it take for me To get it right? To get it ri-igh-ight?"
Breaking off, I turn to Ally, knowing that she would understand. She was stronger than I will ever be. I almost seemed to envy her in that way, her strength something I could never reach. "Can I start again with my faith shaken? 'Cause I can't go back and undo this I just have to stay and face my mistakes But if I get stronger and wiser I'll get through this"
Crying out to Kyle, I hold the mic for dear life. `I am so sorry for what I did to you.' I wanted to almost scream those words to him. Instead I continue on, the lyrics raising his head from Ellie and his friend, him turning to watch me.
"What can you do when your good isn't good enough? When all that you touch tumbles down? 'Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things I just wanna fix it somehow But how many times will it take? Oh, how many times will it take for me To get it right?"
Throwing up my fist, I look away from Kyle, the pain too much. Screaming into the mic, I start to crack my voice.
"So I throw up my fist Throw a punch in the air And accept the truth, that sometimes life isn't fair Yeah, I'll send out a wish Yeah, I'll send up a prayer And finally, someone will see How much I care!"
He was going to know. I made damn sure he knew. Echoing out the last line, I turned back to focus on Kyle, a few more tears dripping down my face. I knew I looked like shit but I didn't care. He needed to know how I felt.
"What can you do when your good isn't good enough? When all that you touch tumbles down? 'Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things I just wanna fix it somehow But how many times will it take? Oh, how many times will it take To get it right To get it ri-igh-ight?"
Holding the mic in my hand, I looked out to the crowd, actually taking them all in for the first time. Eyes were wide, mouths agape. Even the DJ didn't know what to do. Ally and Pike were stone statues, Michael heartbreaking. Swallowing hard, I drop the microphone and run off.
THUD!
Running out the door weeping, the sound of the microphones thump on the floor still echoing in my ears. The cool air did not help at all to calm me down. Breaking across the street, I almost got hit by a passing car, the horn of the automobile barely registering in my reality. I hit the sand dunes, crawling over them as my tears dropped to the grains, creating small blotches of anguish as a trail.
Reaching the beach, I stumbled my way to the shoreline, hoping to drown my sorrows in the Pacific Ocean. Falling to my knees, I just looked out at the emptiness before me, nothing there to hold me.
"Chris wait!" A familiar voice pulled me back in, the crunch of sand behind me jolting me back to reality.
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Now who is it that is chasing Chris? Pike? Ally? Or did Kyle actually grow the balls to actually chase down his dream man? Then again there is also Michael, the faithful friend who is there to comfort Chris when he is at his lowest. I hope you all enjoyed the chapter.