There Is No Love
Chapter 8
Usual disclaimers apply, all copyright goes to me `the author', and may not be used without my consent, you know the drill.
Email me at:
ryan93111@hotmail.com
ALSO!!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH to my amazing editor Lisa :) You're great and this story would be unreadable without you :)
P.S. this ---oOo--- means a flashback, and when you see it again it means the end of the flashback, and back to the present, got it? Good! :)
Here we go:
Kai's P.O.V.:
Aaron.... Every nerve ending in my body tensed and burning pain flashed in my eyes. My mouth drawn out tight, my eyes glazed over with a fierce look of hate, disgust. What the fuck is he doing back? He didn't do a good enough job of fucking me over before? He stood tall, his shoulders relaxed, he doesn't even care that I'm here or that he crushed my heart.
"Aaron, what the fuck are you doing here?" I asked my voice calm but with a vicious slur of rage. I want to stab him and then cut out his heart with a spoon. His blue eyes were wide and dazed, searching the room avoiding eye contact with me, I don't fucking blame him! Finally his blue eyes reached mine, the cool blue swirling like an ocean, calm and in control at all times, that's Aaron; never gets caught; he always has every little detail planned out.
"Oh, hey Kai. Been a long time eh? Where's Mike, you seen him hanging anywhere?" His words rolled of his tongue like velvet. Uninterrupted and flowing freely. What I would give to take him out right here! I looked over to Tyler, his eyes ablaze, his nostrils flared. He looked more pissed than me; his fist clenched tight around his fork, he was ready to charge.
"No, I haven't seen him and if I had I wouldn't tell you anyway, not after everything you did to me. You really just walk back in here and pretend nothing happened?" My words were getting more and more dangerous as they came spewing out of my mouth.
"Ok, cool. Look I don't care if you're pissed, that's cool alright? I never even really wanted you but hey, you run out of gay guys sooner or later. Oh wait, I guess I found more." His smile slung across his lips, lopsided and deadly. He never wanted me; I was his last choice. That stung my heart, ripping the small part that had recovered back open. His words hurt, my eyes welled, this shouldn't be happening. He should be gone for good, not returning just to fuck everyone over again. Why did he have to come to this school? Out of every school in the fucking country, he had to come back here?
"Dude, you can't fucking say that to him. Not after everything you did to him." Tyler stood, his eyes piercing like knives through Aaron. His body was tense; hard as a stone, one push from shattering.
"Look, I don't even know you really, and Kai was nice at the time. Is that better?" His smile still slung loosely over his lips. His blue eyes a direct contrast to Tyler's steely gaze. They stood opposite me and Tyler across the table. I can't deal with this right now, too much has happened and my poor deflated heart can't take this much hurt. Everything that was finally looking up, giving me a bridge of light, of hope shining brightly was torn down around me again. Life can never come easily to me can it? I stood up in a flash and headed for the doors, my eyes red and swollen flooding with tears. He came back. He doesn't even care about me; he never did. This isn't right, this shouldn't happen. I've been poisoned with love because of him and the symptoms are reoccurring. The pain was searing through me, my heart the centre of the attack. No matter how much I hated him, loathed him, he keeps coming back for another round. Fuck life and fuck love. Tyler's been great, but it's too hard to go through it all, to just have it brought back to the end game. Pain!
My walk quickly evolved into a run. I needed to put as much distance between me and them as I can. I kept running down the corridor, tears flooding my shirt, my breathing elevated and my chest heaving with deep breaths. I rounded the corner with people staring at me; curious as to what was wrong with me. I saw the library. I made my way inside and quickly found a secluded corner; no one will find me here. I doubt Ty or Aaron even know it's here. I sat at the table my sobs coming out silent and painful. Every rise and fall of my chest got tighter. Every feeling I had for Aaron, every time I felt a connection with him, the feeling surged into me, forcing my sobs to come out more painful. Trying to keep myself under control I looked at my hands. Why am I crying for him? He obviously never gave me a second thought. He wouldn't have slept with Mike or anyone else after we got together as a couple if he even felt the slightest bit, if he even felt anything, the heartless monster. My tears finally dwindled into wet patches covering my cheeks and chin. He never cared, he doesn't now, he didn't then and he never will. It's time to forget about him, time to get on with my life. I have Tyler, I have a new love and Tyler feels the same, and more than Aaron ever did.
No matter what you do, no matter how hard you try or how hard you run, you never can escape that first love, and all the emotions that are brought with it. The happiness, the elated joy you feel just from thinking of them or hearing their name. No matter what happened to end the first unbridled love, it leaves a scar on your heart which lasts forever. That first loves keeps you young forever, you're forever connected to that person, and they take your heart, body and soul. Your first love, and if you're lucky, it will be your last. But let's be real for a moment; there is absolutely no way in hell love can last. Not when there are people out there better than you, more attractive than you, smarter than you. There will always be that one person out there that is better at loving that one person than you are. In my case, every other person on the planet seems to be better than me; every single person is better at love than I am.
My hands were quivering, my bottom lip trembling, and the pain was coursing through my body, burning every inch. Why is this happening to me? Why do I get to be the lucky person that gets their heart ripped out and devoured in front of them? The library was quiet, I really don't need quiet right now; I need a distraction; something to take my mind of the constant drum of my hollow heart. It's true what they say. You never really can fix a heart, but you can sure as hell keep tearing it to tiny pieces until eventually, there is absolutely nothing left to lose. I have nothing left to give; how can Ty expect me to love him with my entire heart, when really I have no heart give. My battered heart has been kicked around that many times and repeatedly thrown into the grinder that there is nothing left; by now it's been ground down to small grains of sand.
We all want love but really, not everyone can give it. Not everyone can put their entire being into something that will only end up killing them slowly in the end. Why do people think that just because they give love, they will receive love back? They think that because they can open themselves up to someone, that people will automatically take them for what they are and not try and alter anything about the person. How ridiculous is that? In the end people are selfish and only keep you around to boost their image. Aaron only kept me around so he could be seen as a prize; something to be won over the boyfriend. He only kept me around for when his `game' didn't work and he needed to get his rocks off. This kid deserves a round of applause; he played the role so well and everything he wanted he got; including destroying my heart. I can't keep doing this to myself; I need to fix myself; I need to get my life back on track, I need to... A repeating buzz on my leg broke my train of thought. I took out my phone and saw I had two new messages. One from Ty and one from Mike
Ty: Hey, are you ok? Where did you go? We're all looking everywhere for you! :S
Yeah right, if they were actually looking for me they would have found me. It just goes to show how hard my `friends' would look for me. They probably walked past here twenty times and didn't even bother checking in here. I then read the second message which was from Mike. What the fuck could he want now?
Mike: Hey, are you ok over there? Need a friend? :)
This made my head speed up and I looked around the library. Sitting three tables away, smiling at me was Mike. He is the catalyst in this whole situation. If it wasn't for him, I would never have found out about Aaron, and my life would still hold some form of normalcy. Mike slowly rose and made his way across the small room and sat down opposite me. His eyes were looking straight through me. He could always read me like no one else; one look and he always knew exactly what was wrong. I turned my gaze from him, I can't cry! Not in front of him, especially not in front of him.
"He's back, I know. Are you ok? I'm worried about you," his voice was gentle, not pressuring me into saying anything I didn't want to. He could still make me open up to him in a heartbeat, but today that just isn't going to happen.
"Of course I'm not ok Mike. You really thought I wouldn't have a problem with it? At least you're going to have some fun now that he's back," I spat back. That was uncalled-for, but I really just don't want anybody near me, or around me.
"Hey, that's unfair and you know it. I hate him for what he did to you! He's lucky I haven't punched him out yet. I can't stand myself for what I caused you; for what I did to you." His voice was deep and sincere. He lowered his head in shame or hurt; I couldn't tell and at this point, and I really couldn't care. I needed someone to take all my anger out on. He seemed to be there, he was after all one of the ones who caused this pain. My eyes sharpened into daggers. He's fucked.
Tyler's P.O.V.:
Kai ran away crying and that finally snapped all the tension I had, all the hate I actually had for this person. He doesn't even deserve to be called that; this creature. I pulled my fist back and swung, the crack echoed the whole way around the cafeteria. Every single person in the lunchroom froze, their heads snapped to the direction of the sound just in time to see Aaron falling backwards, collapsing on the cold cement floor, clutching his face where I struck it. Let's see how his pretty little face likes that. After he landed I squatted down over him and roughly pulled him by his collar so he could look into my blazing eyes
"If you ever talk to Kai or go near him, or so much as look at him, I can promise you that I will do a lot more damage then I just did! Got it?" My eyes were drilling into his, my voice deep and raspy with an audible growl to it. My rage was exploded, and there was no going back. I threw him back to the ground, his head making a thundering crack. I got up and stormed out of the hall. I have to find Kai; I need to find my baby. I started walking around the school looking for him. I needed him and more importantly, he needed me. As I was pacing the halls looking for Kai, Rachel caught up with me and stopped me. She embraced me softly, her arms circling me in a loving embrace.
"Hey, are you okay? What you did back there was bloody awesome, but you know you're gonna be in some major shit now right?" I softly nodded against her. She was right but it needed to be done for my baby boy. A deep booming voice filled the recesses of the hall.
"Tyler, my office, now!" The voice growled out the last word, making both of us cringe.
"You need to find Kai for me and make sure he is okay." I said as I started walking off in the direction of the voice. Rachel simply nodded and continued my search for Kai. As I was catching up to our lovely school principal, (I'm being a bit sarcastic here), I quickly shot a text off to Kai.
Ty: Hey, are you ok? Where did you go? We're all looking everywhere for you! :S
I can't let him know what happened. I mean he will find out but hopefully I'll get to tell him first. I need to calm down and be responsible now. Kai wants me responsible and mature so I have to try and make an effort just for him. No more fighting, for now anyway. I can't believe how much this boy has changed my entire world; he's opened up so many doors, so many possibilities, so many new emotions that I never thought I would ever get to experience. And here I am, feeling this way about the most amazing boy on the planet, hell in the universe. He is my everything; I would be nothing without him. I'd still be the closeted jock struggling to accept himself and the people around him.
Sorry this chapter took so long to get out. Life has been a tad hectic at the moment. Any thoughts, Criticizm, just want to chat email me at:
ryan93111@hotmail.com
peace :P