They say pain is the measure used to determine experience. They say that a lesson is never learned unless you have something painful to show for it.
Zach- I walked around for hours thinking. My cell phone went off 34 times before I made it home. 34 missed calls, all from Chris. I couldn't answer it. I wouldn't let myself answer it. He had betrayed me- lied to me. I walked around campus not understanding how I had let my guard down again. 'Every time,' I told myself. 'I let this happen ever fucking time.'
I thought about the last time and how I had vowed never to let it happen to me again. I had promised myself I wouldn't be that guy that couldn't keep a guy. I didn't want to be the guy that always ended up with a broken heart every time he fell in love.
I walked around swearing that this time I would not hit rock bottom. I would not let Chris's lies effect me the way Azle's had. I wasn't going back to that place where I couldn't eat and sleep because I was wreck. 'Never again,' I said to myself. This time would be different.
This time I wasn't going to look back or regret. I wasn't going to try my hardest to work things out to no fucking avail. I was not going to fuck up the rest of my freshman year the way I had my senior year because some prick decided it would be cute to lie to me while telling me he loved me. I was not going to think about Chris or Azle or any other fucking bastard that just wanted to get in my pants, and I sure as hell was not going to answer even one of Chris' 34 fucking missed calls.
Charles- When I woke up at 8, it was with about two hours of sleep under my belt. Last night's romp was taking its toll as I sprinted through a shower, got dressed in my swim gear under my wind suit and ran downstairs to meet the team during breakfast before it was time to head out to the pool for the meet at 10.
"So good of you to join us Charles," said Andy, a guy on the team. He smiled at me as I sat down with a plate barely filled with fruit and yogurt.
"Where's all the fucking real food?" I asked with a little too much grouchiness.
"Those that were on time ate it," said a guy named Prince that I hated with a passion at that very moment. I gave him a deadly glare before I reached over the table and stabbed a piece of his bacon with my fork and brought it over to my plate.
"Pigs," I said stuffing the bacon down before Prince had a chance to take it back.
"Ouch," said Andy. "Someone had a lousy night." I wanted to laugh that I had had a great night. It was the morning I was having a trouble with at the moment. I didn't say anything, indicating to the guys that I really didn't want to talk about it. They changed the subject back to whatever it was they were talking about.
Before long we all headed over to the pool and the fresh air helped me loosen up. I was surprised to find that I hadn't thought about Brooklyn and Jesse all morning, and trying to keep it like that, I struck a conversation with Prince on the way to pool.
"Sorry I bit your head off at breakfast," I said with a friendly teammate slap on the ass.
"Don't sweat it," he said. He really was a good guy and one of the only guys I actually talked to on the freshman team. "You really must have had a lousy night, though."
"Actually my night wasn't bad," I said coyly. He just looked at me and I looked straight ahead hinting that I wasn't going to give him any further details. He just smiled, kept walking and whispered "Slut" under his breath.
I laughed. "I'm not a slut," I said.
"That's not what your baggy eyes and cranky ass say."
"Let's just say I swim better when I'm loose."
"You're loose alright," he joked. I hit him across the shoulder playfully.
"Stop flirting you too," Andy said catching up to us. "We have a swim meet to win."
"Let's hope Charles can take his mind off someone's ass long enough to swim a lap," Prince said, soliciting a riot laughter from Andy.
"Funny," I said, not annoyed but tired of being the brunt of the joke. "Cut it out." They didn't say anything after that and after a few steps, Prince jogged up to catch up with his relay teammates.
"So Prince and Charles... it kind of has a ring to it," Andy goaded when Prince was out of earshot.
"What are you talking about?" I asked confused.
"Come on dude," he said. "That flirting was obvious back there. The sexual tension between you too could fill an entire pool."
"No more pool analogies, they only show how stupid you are."
"Stop changing the subject," he said. "Are you into the Prince or what?"
"No, I am honestly not into the Prince," I said making fun of the way the other guys said The Prince as if he really was one. "And were the fuck did he get the name Prince?"
"It's short for Princeton," Andy said. I didn't answer. Instead I thought about if Prince really was trying to flirt with me and I was too sexed out to even pick up the vibe; I was usually really good at picking up the vibe. We'd never really talked outside of swimming practice and stuff, but that didn't mean he wasn't interested. And he was cute, I thought. Maybe I'll give it shot.
I was lost in the crowd the rest of the way to the pool we were going to be competing at until Prince whispered in my ear as we walked into our locker room. "Just try not to let your cock get in the way of your race," he said grabbing my dick through my plastic windbreaker, smiling and walking to a vacant locker. There was the vibe. This little stud wanted me, I thought with a smile as I stripped down to my uniform.
Denton- I slept alone that night for the first time in about two weeks. It was weird not having Glass sleeping next to me and for a second, I actually contemplated getting up and going over to his room. I didn't, instead opting to take a quick shower and head down to the hot tub. While I was in the shower, I heard the door open and called "Goodmorning," out to Glass. I figured it had to be him because the bathroom connected our rooms.
"Morning," he called back, only it wasn't Glass' voice. I peaked out of the curtain to see Mitchell standing at the urinal taking a morning piss. I was surprised; hence I must have been staring hard because Mitchell brought me back to reality when he asked, "Like what you see?"
I shook my head hard and returned to my shower, not commenting. The truth was, after he said that, I did take a peak and yes, I did like what I saw. I didn't consider his sentence a come on, so I doubly surprised when I opened the curtain after my shower only to find Mitchell still there, leaning against the door, stark naked. When I didn't divert my eyes away from his, he said softly "You never answered my question," before taking a step towards me and grabbing my hand. Still dripping wet from the shower, he grabbed my hand and led it down his chest towards his hardening dick.
"Like what you feel?" he asked with a horny drawl in his voice. Again I didn't answer, simply smiled and enjoyed the feel of his hard body. He was about my height, a little skinnier with little muscle definition. What he did have, though, was rock hard abs. What he lacked in the rest of his body's muscle composition, he made up for in his stomach. I was thrilled when I felt the hard muscles under my touch. His deep blue eyes were on me the entire time and his crooked smirk sent a thrill down my spine. Finally, I looked down at what he was guiding my hand to, only to be greeted by his gorgeously long semi-hard cut dick. It stood at least 8 inches and it wasn't even done filling out yet.
He noticed my expression change when I looked down and asked, "Wanna touch it?" I did, but I didn't say anything. Instead, I let him continue pushing my hand lower and lower until my entire grip was around his prick, barely making it all the way around his girth.
He smiled at me and I smiled back, still not brave enough to say anything. The truth is, I had little experience in the area. Glass had been the first guy I'd messed around with, and he pretty much did all the talking, so I was at an obvious loss of what to say now with Mitchell. He didn't care though, and sensing my nervousness, simply smiled at me and leaned in for a kiss, all the while guiding my hand up and down his hardening cock.
I felt the monster grow in my grip, applying little spurts of pressure every once in a while, sending a shock through the dick I was holding. He was controlling my pace with his hand around my wrist, gradually pumping my fist faster. We continued kissing, him taking control and searching my mouth for signs of life with his tongued, with increasing passion.
I was finally letting myself go in the situation, so using my body weight, I pushed Mitchell's lean body back against the door and began grinding my cock against his leg. He must have liked this because he backed up for a second, gave me a devilishly horny smile and went right back to ravishing my mouth. We were both moving at frantic paces now, eager to get off. My fist was mumping his impossibly long dick with a new goal, to make this stud spill all of his seed in my grip. I was selfishly grinding my dick harder into him for the same purpose. Horny would have been an understatement. Sucking face like there was no tomorrow, the two of us were a stack of horned up studs, desperate to get off.
We battled with our tongues, and wrestled with our bodies for minutes until I felt his cock tighten in my grip. He leaned his head back and simply moaned softly as I felt his warm cum trickle on my hand. His first shot was mild, but after a few more slow, deliberate pumps, he shot violently against my own abdomen. He sensually rubbed his cum over my abs while I continued to grind my dick against him.
After the orgasmic shock of his release had subsided, he pushed me back a little and went down on his knees. He looked up at me and said "My turn," before engulfing my entire cock deep down his throat. The feeling didn't last long because I was too horny to stand it at this point. I propped my arms on the door and leaned my entire weight on them, allowing me a few good hard thrusts down Mitchell's well-rehearsed throat. The guy sucked my long dick like a champ as I fucked his face hard, moaning the entire time.
With a few good thrusts, I was ready to spill all I had down Mitchell's throat, but sensing my dick harden deep in his mouth, he pulled out at the last second. I shot everything I had from deep down in my balls across Mitchell's handsome face. The first shot landed hard in his hair, followed by several more, coating him in my warm cum. He smiled up at me, cum dripping down to his chest, stood up and walked around towards the shower without saying anything.
Without even thinking, I quickly joined him for round two.
Charles- Everything was exactly how I remembered it in high school. The stands were filled with fans from all 16 participating schools and as soon as the bell went off for every race, everyone in the stands was on there feet waiting for the winner's head to resurface.
The freshman team went first so stands weren't particularly full when my races came up, but they were full enough to boost everyone's adrenaline.
All of us guys, including Prince, did the ritual we had talked about back at home, gathering up in a huddle and chanting for a couple of seconds. Prince, naturally, stood next to me in the huddle and when we all put our hands around each other, I felt his slide down my slick swim suit and cup my ass. I looked over at him but he kept his eyes closed, lost in the huddle.
As a school, the freshman team did ok. We medalled 6 times of our 10 races and finished 2nd over all. Our relay team kicked ass, and I stood in our team's section cheering Prince on as he swam the last leg, passing two guys and clinching the victory.
After our races, we were all required to sit up in the team section and cheer on our Junior and Senior Varsity teams, which wasn't bad, cuz our loft had a great view of all the sexy swimmers in their sexy tights stretching before each race.
"Seat taken?" Prince asked, like assumed he would. I replied no and he took the seat next to me. We watched the races go on for a couple of minutes before he broke the silence. I wanted him to make the first move because I didn't want be embarrassed in case I was reading the signs wrong.
"We have a great squad this year," he said after one of our guys had kicked ass in the 100-free.
"Yeah we do. I can't wait to be on that Varsity team," I replied.
"I hear Coach Danny wants you on his diving team pretty bad," he said out of nowhere. I didn't know how to respond so I didn't.
"Who are you rooming with?" I asked finally.
"Adrian," he said. Adrian, or Big A was over 6 feet of solid compact muscle, not the normal build for a swimmer, but the guy was a beast. A shoulder injury had set him back, but he promised to be well enough to race with Varsity come nationals.
"Cool," I said. "That's a great guy."
"Yeah," he replied, "But he's loud when he jacks off."
"You heard him jack off?"
"At like 4 o'clock in the morning. He answered a phone call, and like 3 minutes later, he was pumping his dick right there." I laughed. "It was crazy. I didn't know what to do, so I just acted like I was asleep."
"Did you watch?" I asked.
"A little," he said cracking up with laughter. "There wasn't much of a show." He moved his index finger and thumb, indicating the size of Adrian's dick, and we both exploded in laughter.
"So I take it that's not how he got the name Big A?" I choked.
"Hell no," Prince said still laughing.
There was a few moments when neither of us spoke until I asked, "How do you know coach Danny wants me?" He gave me a quizzical gaze, and so I chuckled and added, "Ok, that didn't come out right."
"Yeah, I know," he said, then looked me up and down slowly, adding, "and I know he wants you, Charles." Then he winked.
I didn't know what to make of it, so I quickly changed the subject. We talked about the squad, and how we would do in our league's meet. We talked about school and our roommates, and the whole thing kept my mind away from what was going on back home.
Before I knew it, the meet was over and everyone around Prince and me was standing up, giving our varsity guys a standing ovation for nailing the gold medal.
"I guess this means there's gonna be a party tonight," I whispered to Prince amidst the noisy congratulatory.
He smiled at me and whispered back, "I was hoping we could have one of our own." He winked. I smiled. I completely forgot about everything that was going on back home.
Jesse- I woke up in Brooklyn's arms feeling safe and secure. We had done more than have sex last night, we'd made love. It wasn't raw and fast and raunchy and cheap. It was passionate. It was amazing.
Waking up next to him, with him inside me, holding me, made it clear that yes, I would move in with him. I had to; I loved this feeling too much.
"I'll do it, Brooklyn," I said when he began to stir.
"Do what babe?"
"Move in with you," I said.
He kissed me softly.
"I knew you would," he said, opening his eyes and rubbing against my entire body.
"How?" I asked.
"I just knew," he said. Then he smiled and kissed me again.
Zach- Somehow or another I made my way back to the dorm room and fell asleep on a wet pillow. I woke up to hear Jesse and his boyfriend going at it again, and suddenly felt a wave of nausea come on.
I woke up, went out to the kitchen and poured myself a drink. I sat down on the couch, too afraid to go into the restroom and see what I look like. I was a wreck. I felt like one; I'm sure I looked like one as well.
I wanted out. I wanted to get away from everything- this college, my dorm room, my life.
I had decided last night that I wasn't going to cry. I wasn't going to cry or return any of his phone calls, because that would show I care. Twelve hours later, that was becoming increasingly harder to do. Every time he got a chance, he called. And every time he called, I felt like crying.
I heard my phone go off in my bedroom when I noticed Jesse come into the kitchen. His faced immediately changed from a smile to a harsh frown when he saw me.
"What's up Zach?" he asked me. "What's the matter?"
"Chris," is all I said.
He sat down next to me with his arm around my shoulder. I couldn't help it anymore. I had to. And right then and there, with Jesse holding my head in his lap, I cried.
Denton- "How'd you sleep?" Glass asked when I finally got out of the shower with Mitchell and headed down or breakfast.
"Good," I replied.
"What's got you smiling so freaking hard?" he asked quizzically.
"Nothing. I just love this place," I said. I creamed a bagel and sat down with a cup or orange and stared Glass in the eye, smiling.
All of a sudden, his demeanor changed and his eyes narrowed, the way they did the first time I met him. Its like he was reading right through me.
"Don't mess with him, Denton." He said seriously.
"What are you talking about?"
"Mitchell. I heard you guys messing around this morning."
"So," I said stubbornly defiant.
"It's a bad idea," he said. "Trust me."
"I'm confused, Glass. What is it to you?" I could feel myself copping an attitude with him.
"Nothing," he replied. "I just know how he can be. Trust me when I say don't mess around with him."
"Listen," I began. "I don't know what has you all jealous. Mitchell is a good guy, and I might like him." Then I said something I shouldn't have. "So stop with the control, Glass. It's getting old."
He didn't say anything; rather he looked at me with a wounded gaze. Then he stood up and walked within and inch of me, leaning close to my ear and almost inaudibly whispering, "Never raise your voice to me again or there will be hell to pay." Then he leaned back with a devilish grin and said out loud, "I just want what's best for you, Denton. That's all." He patted my shoulder, turned and went upstairs to his room.
Jesse- Brooklyn left and I spent the day with Zach. The little guy was a mess. His hair was ruffled and messy, his skin dry and blotchy. He looked like he was dying. We didn't talk much, I just hung around with him and made sure he was ok. We watched old made-for-TV-movies and listened to the radio. I caught up on my homework while he slept, to afraid to leave him in case he did something stupid. I was really worried.
Around 4 in the afternoon, I was so bored I finally decided to cook something. I ran downstairs to the Marketplace and got some stuff for simple enchiladas and when I returned to start making Zach and me a dinner, I saw Chris standing at the door.
"Don't do it, man," I said. He turned to me and the first thing I noticed were the bloodshot, tear stained eyes. He looked almost as bad as Zach did, except he'd taken the time to put some ironed clothes on.
"How is he?" he asked with a scratchy voice.
"He's pretty upset. I'd leave him alone if I were you."
"I want to see him," he persisted. As he got ready to knock, I grabbed his hand and moved him away from the door.
In a hushed whisper I said, "Listen. You broke his heart. I'm not exactly sure what you did or why, but the fact is, you did something that is beating the hell out of that kid."
He started to protest and say something, but I continued. "I'm gonna need you to give him some time. Let him think things through, and when he's ready, he'll call you. Understand?"
Again, he started to reply. "Understand?" I asked, cutting him off.
"Tell him I love him," he said, walking away.
"I'm sure he knows."
I walked in the apartment and heard the shower running, so I went to the bathroom and called out to make sure Zach was ok.
"Sure thing Jesse," he called back, sounding better.
I cooked for an hour while Zach showered and dressed. Enchiladas were the only thing I really knew how to cook, but with it I boiled a decent pot of rice and tossed a simple salad. The purpose of the dinner was to make Zach feel better, so I lit a couple of candles and drew the drapes, just to ease the mood a little.
When he came out, looking fresh and clean in a pair of jeans and a pullover, I could see a soft smile creeping over him, his first all day.
"Dude," he said noticing the table. "You didn't have to do all this."
"Don't even think about it," I reassured him. "Just take a seat and enjoy yourself."
He sat down. The sadness was still present in his eyes, but he'd done his best to wash it away.
"Sorry I've been such a drag today," he said. "But thanks for watching out for me. I've never had a friend do that."
"Again," I said. "Don't think about it. I know how it feels." I smiled at him and he smiled back, almost looking happy. I dished out some enchiladas on our plates and we ate in silence for a while until he broke it, saying, "You wanna know what happened." It wasn't a question. It was a statement, delivered so matter-of-factly it almost seemed impossible coming from the guy that had spent 8 hours crying his heart out.
"I'm curious," I replied, "but you can let me know when you're ready."
"Well I'm not one to hide my feelings," he replied.
"Observation noted," I said with a little humor. "Whenever you're ready," I added seriously.
"He's married."
I choked on my glass of Sprite. Wide-eyed, I looked up at him not knowing what to say.
"He's what?" I finally let out.
"He told me yesterday that he's been married for six years. He has a wife and two kids back home in New York." He kept eating. I half expected him to break down at his own words, but that would have pushed him over the edge of dehydration. Instead, he just kept eating as if he'd never had an enchilada in his life.
"How is that possible?" I asked in disbelief.
"I've thought about if for a couple of hours," he said. "And I came to the conclusion that he spent high school in the closet, and when he was ready to come out afterwards and test his desires, it was too late. He got her pregnant." Again, his nonchalant nature was appalling.
"He just told you that?"
"Sure. He said they were separated when she wanted to go back home to her rich daddy and he wanted to stay here."
"Wow." I had nothing else to say. We went back to eating in silence.
"I'll help you clear all this up," he said standing. He gathered the plates and disappeared into the kitchen, leaving me sitting there contemplating how he could have fallen in love with a married man. It almost seemed impossible. Chris was by the book, straight-laced, with the exception of his sexuality.
Then the doorbell rang. I was standing to answer it when Zach zipped passed me, finally in a good mood, and opened it.
Standing there was Chris, looking worse than I'd seen him in the hall. His face was soaking wet with tears and he was clutching his side with deathly white knuckles.
"What the fuck do you think you're doing here?" Zach said loudly. "Get out."
"You have to let me in, Zach," he whispered. I wanted to scream.
"Get out, Chris," Zach
"Let me in," he said pathetically. His face was flushed.
"You heard him," I shouted, walking towards the door. "Leave him the fuck alone."
He didn't move. Zach moved his arm to slam the door, but before he could, Chris stopped it with his frail hand. That's when both Zach and I noticed the blood that was dripping from his side where his hand had been.
They say nothing is gained without a little bit of pain. For those of observing someone's agony, there is only thing to do- compare it to our own. They say sweat and blood are the proof that someone has learned they're lesson, that experience has taken its toll.