They Say

Standard disclaimer. Contains depictions of gay sex. Continue at your own discretion.

They say you don't know what you have until its gone. Sometimes, however, they you don't know what you missed until it comes back to you.

Zach- We laid there, not talking or moving, barely breathing. His arm was around my waist. He didn't see, but I had a huge smile across my face. I'd never felt this way about someone before. I felt spontaneous, carefree. I didn't feel the need to engage in after-sex conversation with him because I totally knew we were on the same page.

So we just lay there.

"Hi," he breathed in my ear from behind.

"Hi," I replied, turning my head slightly. He'd been playing with my ear with his teeth and it felt really good. "That feels really good."

"You were amazing," he said. I blushed.

"Thank you," I said, more of a question than an answer. He squirmed a little bit behind, adjusting himself so that now, his semi-full dick was resting against my ass.

"You were," he assured, sensing my hesitance.

We lay there again, quiet again, the only sound being our breathing as we lay so close to each other.

I felt his hand move up and down my chest, massaging me very gently and softly, barely, with nothing but the tips of fingers. His touch was all I needed at that particular moment as I closed my eyes and drifted away.

Charles- I got home that night feeling confused. Prince had thrown himself at me, and I wasn't about to pass up on such a round, hot, firm and juicy invitation. So I spent about an hour pounding his ass in the locker shower, the warm water cascading over me as I plowed hard into the stud's tight ass.

I couldn't get enough, yet part of me really didn't want to be there. I was there physically, loving every minute of it. Hearing him moan and whimper as I hit the spot. Hearing him scream Charles as I sped up the pace. Everything about it was every bit as hot as I wanted it to be.

But emotionally and mentally I wasn't there. I kept thinking about Shane and what he was doing at that particular moment. I kept thinking that maybe he and Zach were hitting it off, and that's where my mind wandered as I fucked the daylights out of the willing Prince.

So I got home feeling confused.

Did I like Shane? Sure, easy enough.

Did I want to have sex with him constantly? Yes, but that isn't a new feeling.

Did I enjoy having sex with him? Probably more than the average sex partner.

Did I think about him constantly after? Definitely.

Was I jealous? Probably.

So, what was it that was so different about Shane? Was it that he and Zach were obviously hitting it off and I felt my competitive edge getting the best of me? Or was I just falling in a way I'd never fallen before?

So I got home feeling confused. So confused that I didn't even hear anything coming from Zach's bedroom until I was in bed with my closed. I turned to see that Shane's bed was empty and that flash of jealousy returned.

Denton- I felt guilty. I knew that what I'd done was necessary in order for me to stay in the Tribe, or maybe even alive, but I still felt guilty. I thought that knowing what my role was in the frat would make things better for me. I thought I'd begin to understand everything, that my questions would be answered.

But after I dropped the envelope in the mailbox, I knew that I had more questions that ever. What had I done? I asked myself.

I'd just mailed away pictures that would probably destroy a guy that I liked. But Glass had taught me to separate that. He'd taught me the way to like people without letting it get in the way of what the tribe expected, and I accepted that.

Still, I couldn't help feeling like a Judas, like I'd betrayed someone.

Then there were the questions that had been haunting me for a while.

What was the Tribe? Who were they; who were we? What do we do besides throw parties and make life hell for people both in and out of the Tribe? Who was the inner council? Why was I chosen to follow Glass and why was he leaving? Had he done something? Had I done something?

Unfortunately, even though I thought that doing what the Tribe expected would help clear up my confusion, it didn't. If anything, I had more questions than ever.

Jesse- I sat outside in the dark, on the curb, waiting. I waited, thinking about all of the stupid mistakes I'd made this semester. I thought about how stupid it was for me mess around with Charles in the first place, let my guard down and end up getting kicked in the nut sack by his bullshit.

I thought about how stupid it was for me to fall for Brooklyn, first of a TA, but second of all, a prick who didn't even care about me. His words were cheap. As soon as I needed him, 'I love you," turned into 'Get the fuck out.' What kind of shit was that?

I thought about how stupid Zach was. I felt betrayed. I felt like I had no one in the world to turn to.

I thought about how cold I was.

I thought about everything as I sat there and waited until he finally pulled up.

"Need a lift?" he said. He flashed me a huge smile. I remembered why I loved Matt so much as he got out of his car and came over to help me up. He smiled down at me and when I was on me feet, before he did anything else, he gave me a hug. A tear dripped down my face and I quickly brushed it away.

"Get in the car," he whispered, letting me go. He grabbed the one bag I had with me and put it in the trunk.

Minutes after that, we were driving down the freeway in the direction of Matt's house on the other side of town.

"What time is your class tomorrow?" he asked me, breaking the silence.

"Four," I replied.

"Good," he said. "We'll go apartment shopping first thing in the morning."

"You don't have to do that," I said, but he cut me off.

"Don't say anything about it." He continued. "In the morning, we're going apartment shopping. Then we're gonna look for a good lease on a used car that'll get you around. "

"Matt," I tried to interject again.

"Listen, Jesse," he said sternly, facing the road. "I worry about you. I shouldn't but I do. This will help me stop worrying. Let me do this."

"Ok," I said. It felt like too much but I was grateful.

"Ok," he echoed. "First thing in the morning."

Zach- Reluctantly, I felt Shane get up and head across the apartment to his rightful room.

"Goodnight," he whispered.

"Goodnight," I whispered back.

Charles- He checked if I was asleep. I didn't know how to react yet, so I just lay there, pretending to sleep.

After a few minutes, I turned to face his bed.

"Shane," I said, acting groggy. "Are you asleep?"

"Yes," he answered.

"Oh," I said. "What time did you get in?" I asked feigning naiveté.

"A couple minutes ago."

"Oh." I said. I paused. "Its pretty late, what were you doing?"

"Nothing," he said quickly. And then I had my answer. He was gonna try and hide it from me. I sat up in my bed and put my bedside lamp on.

"Nothing?" I said skeptically. "At 2 in the morning?"

"I was watching a movie," he said. "With Zach."

"Ah, cool," I said. "How was it?"

"Look, Charles, I'm really tired. We'll talk tomorrow."

There was silence, and I heard him rustle a little under his sheets, trying to get comfortable.

"Hey," I said softly. "Why don't you come sleep over here?"

He didn't say anything at first and I thought he either didn't hear me or was ignoring the question.

"I'm real tired Charles. Maybe in the morning."

'Fuck you' I thought.

I turned off my light and tried to go to sleep.

Zach- I woke up early the next morning, showered, had toast for breakfast and waited. It was past 8 when he finally came out, fully dressed, looking like he was trying to sneak out with no one watching.

"Hey Charles," I said.

"Hey," he replied with no emotion at all.

"I need to ask you something," I said.

"I'm in a hurry."

"It won't take long." I stood in front of him. His eyes avoided me. "I promise."

He sighed, rolled his eyes and sat down, putting his book bag on the floor.

"Make it quick."

"Ok," I began. "Would it, umm, bother you if me and, uhh, Shane started seeing each other?"

He didn't say anything, but I couldn't read what he was thinking through his thoughts. His face and his eyes were blank.

"Why would it bother me?" he finally said.

"Ok," I said with an air of relief. "Ok, then. I was just asking."

"Of course," he said before he got up to walk away. "I'm not sure it'll work out. But that's just my opinion."

"Why do you say that?"

"Look, I'm gonna make this quick, because I am in a hurry. Shane is more like me, you know, into the casual thing. So I wouldn't waste my time."

The words hit me like a rock, but I stayed my ground and didn't show any surprised emotion.

"Well that's good then," I replied. "Cuz I'm not looking for anything serious."

"Alright then," he said rising. "I'll see you later."

He left and I let out a sigh. I went back to waiting, this time for Shane to wake up.

Denton- I went to all my classes for the day and ended up walking back to the house instead of driving because the day was so warm and beautiful. The truth was that I'd never really had a good time to relax and think since I'd joined the Tribe, so I figured walking back would give me that opportunity.

Halfway to the mansion, my thinking was interrupted by my cell phone going off. I opened it to check the number and was surprised to see my brother Brian calling.

"Hey bro," he said sounding excited.

"Hey," I said. "What's up?"

"Can't a brother call to check on his family?" he was hiding something.

"Sure," I said. "But I can tell you want something."

"I'm offended," he said. I laughed.

"Seriously," I said. "What is it?"

"Ok," he said. "I was calling to see if you were busy this weekend?"

I thought about and told him I probably wasn't.

"Good," he said. "Cuz you're flying home tonight."

"What?" I was so stunned I almost dropped my phone. "What for?" I said after I'd calmed down.

"Ok," he began. "Me and Lacy decided not to push it off any longer and we're going to tie the knot this weekend and I want my little bro, or should I say best man, to be there."

"When did you and Lacy get engaged?" I said. I was clearly taken aback.

"Come on bro," he said. "The weekend in Aspen. You were there." I didn't say anything so he just continued. "Anyway, your reservation leaves in about two hours, so get to the airport. Don't worry about packing, we'll go shopping tomorrow and the service is the next day. Love you bro, later." And he hung up the phone.

Charles- I decided not to call. I decided it would be better if I just stopped by because then he wouldn't have a chance to turn me away.

I walked up the steps to his apartment wearing my lowest cut jeans and my tightest fitting shirt. I checked my breath, affirmed it was ok, and decided I could go ahead and knock.

He came to the door wearing a pair of khakis, a wife beater and a very sexy beaded necklace. I smiled uncertainly.

"Hi," I said.

"Come in," he said without smiling. I walked in and before I had a chance to turn and close the door, he had my body slammed up against the wall, my hands pinned over my head. His face was inches from mine and I saw a fire building in his eyes.

"I missed you," he growled before planting a heart-wrenching kiss on my lips. I returned the kiss with gusto, letting him dive deeper and into my mouth, powerless to stop him but not really wanting to.

He continued to kiss me, pushing me hard against the back wall. My arms were everywhere, roaming all over his body, relishing in the touch I hadn't had in so long.

"I missed you so much," he said through passionate kisses. "Never... thought we'd... be like this again."

Then I stopped. I wanted to more than anything, but there were things I needed to hear him say before I went any further.

"What's the matter?" he asked, panting.

"I came here to ask you something." I didn't continue and he just looked at me.

"No you didn't," he said trying to go back to the foreplay. "Let's just do this."

"No," I said. I pushed his hands away. "Tell me something first. Is it over with you and Jesse?"

"Yes," Brooklyn said with no hesitation.

"Good," I said. "Good," I whispered again, feeling better.

"It's you, Charles," he whispered looking me straight into the eye with his gorgeous, bottomless hazel eyes. "It's always been you."

Then he moved in slowly, and this time his kiss was filled with unmistakable need, passion and love.

Denton- So I got home, through a few necessities together, got the keys to Glass' old Jeep and by dinner time, I was driving down the freeway towards the airport.

The whole thing felt weird and rushed, but I was hardly surprised. Leave it up to my brother to do something crazy and spontaneous like this. Growing up, Bri had always been the one to live life like we weren't as filthy rich as we were. I mean, at an early age it didn't take me long to realize that my parents could provide us with anything and everything we wanted. But it seemed like I was the only one that took advantage of that.

I went to a high-end private school in the mountains, while Bri went to a public school in Manhattan. I insisted on the best-tailored clothes and Mercedes at my 16th birthday when Bri was comfortable in department store clothes and anything that moved.

It was because of those facts, that difference, between us that Bri and I never really got along. We didn't fight, but we weren't close. We were two completely different people.

Until my senior year, that is, when in my opinion, my big brother grew up. He returned home after college a completely different person. He was still unpredictable, but now he wasn't as wild. He took care of his appearance, taking my advice on what to wear and where to dine. The two of us started hanging together, talking to the same crowds, and being the two 'rich brothers' in the neighborhood.

But this little wedding antic was classic Brian. One time the end of my senior year, Brian took me out of class early, drove us both to the airport and bought plane tickets to Australia on my parents' credit card. With the clothes on our backs, the two of us flew to the land down under for two days and came back without even telling my parents.

I thought about all those things on the airplane ride back to my hometown on Long Island.

That, and how much I'd changed since then. Some of the changes were little. Like shopping, I hadn't done that in weeks because the Tribe gave us all of our clothes. I didn't dine at the best places in Dallas because the Tribe arranged most of our meals. I drank more at parties because everyone else. But the biggest change was in who I was attracted to.

The best sex I'd had while at school was with Glass. I didn't even look at girls anymore, instead I spent my time checking out guys and pondering how they compared to Glass. Sometimes, I craved his touch; I craved his dick; I craved his kiss. Those were feelings I would never have had when I was getting by with all the girls I wanted back home.

So I wondered if that would change things. I didn't think it would because the change wasn't a noticeable one. No one had to know unless I told them, and I didn't plan on that.

So I arrived in Manhattan feeling different from who I was before, but then again, feeling like I was coming back home.

"Baby Bro!" Brian shouted excitedly as I go off the plane. "How was the flight?"

"Luxurious," I said a little tipsy from my in flight cocktail.

"Great, bro," he said and he grabbed, giving me a big bear hug. At 6'4, Brian was just a few inches taller than me, but his strength and build made him look like a tower over me. He grabbed my bag and escorted me to his waiting car.

We both sat in the back and the driver set out at a leisurely pace. We were in no hurry. Instead we spent the drive talking, catching up.

"So how the fuck is Texas?" he asked.

"Great," I replied. "It's hot as hell, but I like it."

"I bet you do."

"Better to wear less clothes," I joked. "And the chicks are a cut above."

"Ah, dude," he said. "I'm over talking about chicks. I'm a married man."

"Not till Saturday," I replied.

"True," he said quietly.

"Honestly, man," I said, bringing the level of the conversation to a more serious tone. "Why the rush?"

"I'm in love, bro," he said. I wasn't buying.

"You sure?" I asked. "Is she pregnant?"

"No," he said quickly. "When you're in love, bro, you know it and you don't want to wait another day."

He sounded sincere and serious, so I let it go.

"Enough about me, this whole weekend is gonna be about me. What's going on at school? Did you pledge?"

"You know I did."

"What was I thinking? My little bro had to have pledged the best of the best."

"Yep," I said without elaborating. Bri took the hint.

"Which one?" he asked. "Wait, let me guess. Beta?"

"No," I said.

"Omega?"

"No."

"Alpha Phi?"

"Nuh, uh."

"Ok, bro, we could do this all day. So just tell me."

"It doesn't really have a Greek name."

"Then what is it?"

"The tribe."

There was an awkward silence. I didn't know what to say to elaborate. Then suddenly, Brian started laughing. At first it was soft, then it got louder and louder until his face was bright read.

"Dude," he said gasping for breath. "That sounds like some kind of survivor thing. Like your stuck in the Amazon or something with your 'tribe.'"

He doubled over with laughter. My face got hot with embarrassment, but he just kept laughing. Finally, his chuckling died down I began to explain what the Tribe was.

By the time I had told him all could without getting into the crazy details that I confused even me, he was pretty intrigued.

"Sounds awesome, bro."

I decided this was the time to change the subject to something a little less heavy, at least for me.

"You know," I said. "For someone who spends so much time in the NYC, you sure do say bro a lot."

"Cuz I'm a Cali-Man, bro" he smiled lightly pointing to his heart. "A Cali-Man."

Charles- Brooklyn carried to me into is bedroom, and gently placed me down on his bed. I looked up at him with hazy eyes as he slowly descended onto my body.

The powerful feeling of his body resting over mine was incredible. Slowly, he positioned himself between my legs and with the bare strength of his knees, raised my thighs and ass off the bed so that we were in perfect position.

Slowly, he maneuvered his dick into my waiting hole. Slowly, he pushed inside of me. I gasped with pleasure. He stopped for a second, looked at me and I nodded. He continued, slowly, until he was buried deep inside me.

Neither of moved for a couple of seconds. He was relishing in the feel of my tight hole while I was crazy over the feeling of his dick deep down inside of me. I couldn't have asked for more.

"Fuck me," I whispered sexily. But he didn't. He lowered his face over mine and slowly but passionately kissed me. His tongue battled my lips, prying them open, and when they finally did, he dove inside in search of my eager tongue.

His moved ever so slowly to the rhythm of his kiss. His head would bob up down over my lips and so would cock, barely going anywhere, but opening me up nonetheless, then he would stop and leave his dick buried deep down inside, not moving, just kissing me. It was like he was fucking my entire body with just his kiss and I loved it. I was yearning for the fast-paced bump-and-grind I was used to with guys. This, tonight, was love making, and Brooklyn knew exactly how to do it.

Zach- When Shane got up, I heard him go straight for the shower, so I decided 'what the hell,' and went in after him.

"Morning sexy," I said pulling the curtain back. He gave me a brood sleepy smile.

"Take those boxers off and get in here," he said. He put down his soap and towel as soon as I walk in and turned around so the stream of water was hitting him in the front. I jumped in and slowly came in behind him, putting my arm around his waste. He nestled his head back so that we could kiss even if was awkward. He slowly pushed his ass back into my already hard cock.

I reached around and grabbed his dick and gave it a couple of pulls, feeling it grow harder and harder in my grasp. I clamped down hard on, and I felt him groan loudly in my mouth. He was so ready.

He released his kiss and with no sound but a smile, he bent over slowly so that I had full access to his hole. With my fingers, I found his sugar-spot and slowly began massaging it with two fingers, going in and out trying to open him up.

"Come on babe," he said from below me. "I want your dick."

"Alright babe," I replied, eager enough to get inside of him. I wanted it bad. I pulled my fingers out and without hesitation I pushed my dick all the way inside his ass.

"Ohhhh, fuck," he moaned. "Holy fuck, baby... ohhhhh yeeeeeah."

I found his spot and continued teasing it with my cock, going slowly over it and watching his entire body pulse.

"Ready for a fuck, baby?" I asked in the dirtiest voice I could muster.

"Hellllll, yeah, stud. Give me that dick."

I pulled all the way out and in one swoop, buried my dick back in his ass. Again his moans were loud enough to wake up the whole block.

"OOOOOOOOOOh, yeah, give it to me. Don't stop baby," he said over and over.

And I gave it to him. I put my right hand on the shower wall to brace myself, and the other hand on Shane's hip to keep him steady, and I went to town. I never slowed, instead, with every thrust, I got faster and harder until Shane's entire body was rocking back and forth. I could feel my breathing get harder, as if I was running a marathon, and I was prepared to go the distance. I thrust in harder and harder, until he stopped asking me to because I was giving it as hard as he could take. Instead, his pleas for me to give it to him harder turned into incoherent moans.

"Are you ready to cum baby?" I asked. He didn't say anything. Instead he reached behind himself with two fingers pointing in my face.

"Lick it," he said. I did, only to discover that this dude had already cum once without me even knowing. The taste of his cum redoubled my effort and fucked him harder than I knew how.

"Oh yeah, oh yeah," he repeated, encouraging me. I wanted to make him cum again as hard as he knew how.

"Are you ready baby?" I panted.

"Oh yeah, oh yeah," he repeated again and again. And with one last thrust, I buried my dick deep down inside of him and let loose.

The feeling of my cum flowing deep inside of him pushed Shane over the edge and he spent his second round of cum all over my pumping hand. I brought up to my lips and licked my fingers.

Spent of all energy, I took my deflating dick out of Shane and leaned back on the shower wall. A second later, he leaned back on top of me and we stood there, breathing heavy, neither of us wanting to be the first to move away.

Charles- I lay there with my eyes closed, drifting somewhere between sleep and semi-consciousness. I was aware of Brooklyn's sleeping body, breathing heavily, arm draped over my chest. I was just about to pass through that realm where dreams take over when I heard Brooklyn's voice calling me.

"Wake up, Charles," he said. "Wake up."

"What?" I asked.

"I have to tell you something before I chicken out and decide not to say it." He didn't sound like he'd been sleeping at all, rather he'd been pondering what he was about to tell and mustering the courage to say it.

"Ok," I said uncertainly.

"You don't have to respond if you don't want to," he said. "I completely understand." He paused and I didn't say anything so he continued.

"I'm not even gonna lie to you," he began. "Part of me thought that Jesse was a better match for me than you. Part of me didn't want to have to choose between you to."

I shifted, not liking how this was starting. Brooklyn could read the disdain on my face.

"Wait," he said. "But then a different part of me knew that I needed you. The part of me that I was ignoring, that I was shutting down because I didn't want to hear what it was saying, was telling me that I was dependent, Charles, and I hate being dependent." Again, he paused expecting me to say something, and again I disappointed him.

"And then you left and Jesse left and I thought that I was alone and that I'd have to start from scratch finding someone who could make me feel half as much as what I felt for you, and I half expected never to see you again."

"What are you saying?" I asked, ready for him to cut to the chase. I wasn't big on sentiment.

"Ok," he said. "I guess what I'm saying is tonight showed me something. It showed me that I cannot afford not to have you in my life. They say you don't know what you have until its gone. Well I think you don't know what you missed until it comes back to you. And I don't want to go back to missing you." He stared at me with wide eyes, and for a flash of a second I felt like I could see his soul shining through. The next words pierced me like a dart on a bull's eye. The sent a quiver down my body and I was momentarily paralyzed, unable to command my body to move or think or even breath.

"I love you," he said. He said he was expecting an answer, yet he was looking at me like he wanted one. Unfortunately, I had no answer to give and all I could think do was escape.

Terrified, I got off the bed, found a pair of his sweats, pulled them over my body and scanned the room for my car keys. Before opening the door to the bedroom, I looked at Brooklyn, lying there, head down, not wanting to meet my eyes. A part of me thought I heard a whimper, like a wounded puppy.

I was nervous, and I had no idea how to react to what he'd just said. I wasn't ready to be in love, or have someone love me. I wasn't cut out for all that stuff. But I couldn't just walk out without saying anything, leaving him so pathetic looking.

So unsure of my own voice, I called his name and he looked at me with bloodshot eyes, waiting for the words to escape my mouth.

It was like an impulse, and involuntary reaction. I knew I hadn't consciously said the words because, truth-be-told, I didn't remember ever saying them.

"I love you too," I whispered, and without even looking back, I turned and was out of the apartment in seconds.

They say you don't know what you have until its gone. Sometimes, however, they you don't know what you missed until it comes back to you.

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