Standard disclaimer. Contains depictions of gay sex. Do not continue if this offends you or is illegal for you.
They say that all good things do come to an end. Whether or not that end is what we expect or what not, it is inevitable. They say that everything that goes up must come down, and that that law of physics is true for relationships as well. They say that nothing lasts forever.
Charles- I should have never started anything with Madison. I was falling. I was falling fast and I couldn't stop myself. Luckily for me, it was right around the time of year where Brooklyn had a lot of work and apparently Madison didn't. he would drive to campus, pick me up after class and we'd spend the afternoon and evening at his place in the city before he'd drive me back, sometimes dropping me off a block from Brooklyn's where I'd find him sleeping with a stack of papers still to grade.
I felt bad for not being there, but the truth is, I wasn't there. We didn't talk much anymore, mostly because I didn't know what to say. It's hard to say anything when you have a lump the size of a boulder lodged in your throat.
But to his credit, he would try. He'd ask about my day. He'd ask about swimming, my friends, my roommates and all that and I would give illusive one word answers. Madison would go out of town sometimes and I'd be there at home waiting for Brooklyn to show up. That was when we made love... when Madison was out of town.
I knew I had to end it with one of them because as much fun as Madison was, I couldn't bear what it was doing to me. I know it sounds selfish, but the constant lies, the excuses, the sneaking, it was all taking its toll. I didn't know what I was going to do, but I knew I had to do something.
Zach- The Charles/Brooklyn/Madison triangle was polarizing Shane and I. He was all for Charles' philandering and that made me a little nervous. Would he leave me if a better version of myself came along? I'd been hurt to many times not to take this seriously. I felt for Brooklyn even though I barely knew him. Every time I brought it up, I know Shane would get a little bit more annoyed.
Charles and I argued about it all the time and he always promised he would end it with one of them. He never said who and that he was still torn, but that he'd make a decision. I told him I was tired of receiving calls from Brooklyn wondering where he was.
"Stop using me as an alibi," I told him over dinner once before storming into my room. I don't know why I was taking it so personally, but I knew I had to stop. I had to focus on my life and my relationships and that was it.
Jesse- I followed Furgy's lead when it came to dating. The guy was right, he did move slowly. We made out a lot, but every time I'd try to move my hands any closer to his crotch, he'd find a way to push them away or stop what we were doing. I was getting frustrated, but the prospect of one day being with him made it worth it.
Still, I found myself eyeing other guys. We weren't exclusive, and Furgy assured me that until we started doing it, I was free to see whoever I wanted. I didn't take is assurance into practice too often, but every once in a while, I'd drive into the city and see Matty. We'd hang out, reminisce and spill our juices with each other.
Furgy knew Matt had a special spot in my heart, but what that spot was wasn't clearly defined. Instead, I kept them separate, counting down the days until Furgy would let me into his pants.
Charles- I got home around midnight. Shane and Zach were watching a movie. I tried to walk straight into my room when Shane announced that Brooklyn had called.
"What did he say?" I asked.
"He said that he wants you to come over no matter what time you get home. Just go over."
"Oh," I said. "Ok." I walked into my bedroom and dropped some stuff off and then went back out into the living room. "Any idea what it's about?"
"Not sure," Shane said. "He just said to tell you to come over."
"Alright," I replied. "I'll see you guys in the morning."
I left. Zach hadn't so much as looked at me.
Denton- Mitchell and I went into an all out war. I would bring Preston home and we'd make out in places Mitchell was bound to walk by. Mitchell would bring home and random guy and dangle him in my face, whether fucking him in my shower or making out over breakfast, he made it a point to show me that he'd "moved on."
Preston was great, but our relationship was completely on-dimensional. He did teach me how to be gay though, and that made it excited. For the first time, I dated a guy. Even though I didn't see much of a future there, we were still dating. He'd take me to bars and teach me how to pick up men. We went shopping. People would see us holding hands as we walked down streets and after a while, the stares became second nature to me.
But Preston was more of a friend than anything. We got a long amazingly, but instead of romance, there was pure animalistic sex drive. It was great, don't get me wrong, but something was missing. And it was only there when we'd slow down and look into each others eyes while we made love. I figured that it didn't get much better than a guy like Preston, but part of me wanted more. Was I expecting too much?
Charles- I was not looking forward to seeing Brooklyn. I knew that he knew. I just did. Why else would he say that it didn't matter when I got home and that he needed to talk to me? Why else did him message sound so rash? I was nervous, confused, sad and scared. He knew and I knew it.
"Come in," he said. He answered the door in his pajama bottoms, the ones he wears when he's trying to sexy.
"What's up babe?" I asked trying to be cool. I had no idea what to expect. Why wasn't he angry? Why wasn't he ripping me apart? I was even more confused and nervous than before. He had to know.
"Look," he began, leading me to the bedroom. He stopped, still talking, at the door without going in. "I know why you've been acting so weird." I swallowed hard. I wanted to say something, to confess or explain, but I couldn't find the words. "And I just wanted to tell you that I understand. I would be acting strange too if I was being neglected by my boyfriend." He was acting strange, but I wasn't following his line of thought. He kept talking. "I'm sorry that I've been working so hard and haven't been giving you much of my time. I want you back in here, Charles," he said. He pointed to his heart then smiled at me. "Can you ever forgive me?"
With this beautiful man standing before me saying that it was his fault that our relationship was falling apart made me feel ten times worse than I already did. I wanted to die, but I knew that if I did, Brooklyn would think it was somehow his fault. I could feel a tear coming to my eyes. Why was this so hard?
"Brooklyn," I hesitated, "That is so sweet, but I have to..."
"Don't say a word." He opened the door and I was floored by what I found. His room had been transformed into something I had never seen before. He had gone all out and I was stunned by the view. Brooklyn's queen size bed was gone, and in its place were extremely plush blankets, creating a soft lay-bed. Around the blankets were what seemed like hundreds of candles, each of them contributing to the amazing jasmine/vanilla smell. Shades were drawn and on the bed rest about ten bottles of different kinds of oils and rubs. The place looked like one hundred percent sex. It was incredible and I could feel myself falling in love with Brooklyn all over again.
And that's when I realized I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't go on feeling guilty and disgusting every time I saw Brooklyn.
"I've been cheating on you," I said. I was standing in the doorway and he was facing me from inside the room when the words came out with no time for me to stop them. For some reason, I felt surprisingly refreshed and lighter after I'd said it, but the look on his face could have killed me.
"What?" he asked. "You're... you are what?"
"I've been cheating on you," I repeated. This time, the feeling of relief was no where to be found. In its stead was a feeling of utter guilt and regret. I should have left it alone and had what was guaranteed to be an awesome night with Brooklyn, but instead I let it out before I had the chance to think about it and possibly stop myself. "Brooklyn, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen. I love you, I really do." He didn't say anything but it worried me. Instead, he pushed past me walked into the kitchen. I was afraid for a second, but he came out with a beer and sat down with his legs up on the coffee table. He grabbed the remote and turned the television to Sportcenter, all without saying one word. I followed his every move, trying to explain but falling on def ears. Finally, I said "Brooklyn, say something." He still didn't say anything so I repeated myself. I was standing between him and the T.V. and like a six year old, he was trying to pretend he could watch it around me.
"What the fuck do you want me to say?" he asked sounded agitated when I repeated myself for the second time.
"I don't know. Just say something," I replied. What did I want him to say?
"Ok," he said sitting up and putting the remote down. "Get the fuck out of my apartment."
"Brooklyn," I began. He cut me off.
"No," he replied. "I know exactly what you're going to say because I know you, so I'm saving myself the argument. Don't waste my time. Just get out."
"Brooklyn," I tried again. "I'm not leaving," I managed to get out before he stood up and got in my face. I could tell in his eyes he was struggling to fight back the angry emotions that he had every right to feel.
"I know you, Charles," he said, his lip trembling. I was so afraid at that very moment. "I know that you weren't ready for a commitment and for some reason I forced you into one. I know that you get bored easily and I know that I've probably known this was going to happen for a long time. And I know what you're going to say to defend yourself. And that you're sorry and that you'll try to change and that I should keep you because I love you and you'll try to love me back." His voice was scarily low and quiet but his eyes were growing ever more intense with each sentence. "And I could probably do that, Charles, because I do love you. But I need to be with someone who doesn't have to try to love me. So please get out before I physically remove you from my apartment."
With that Brooklyn sat back down on the couch, picked up his beer and remote and went back to watching television.
Zach- I'd never seen Charles such a wreck. I know he'd been crying. He looked like he'd been crying. He looked like he'd been hit by a train as well and that his entire life was caving in. I felt bad for him.
It was after two when he got back in and I was surprisingly still up.
"Do you want some coffee?" I asked.
He shook his head. He sat down on the couch next to me and put his head on my lap. It reminded me of the night I almost lost Shane. I had to be there for him.
"He doesn't want me anymore," he said pathetically. "God, what the fuck was I thinking?"
"He'll get over it," I replied. "Brooklyn loves you."
"I cheated on him, Zach. He's not going to get over that. You should have seen the look on his face."
"I'm sorry, Charles."
"It's not your fault," he said. I'd never seen him look so weak. It made me worry. "I fucking messed up. Brooklyn was the best thing that ever happened to me and I fucking messed it up. God, for Madison. What the fuck was I thinking? He will never take me back."
"It'll be ok," I assured. I knew I was talking out of my ass. I knew that it wouldn't be ok. There was no way that Brooklyn was going to forgive him, not after the Jesse fiasco. Brooklyn would never be able to forget what Charles had done and I knew that it was not going to be ok. But I needed Charles to think it would be ok. "It'll be ok."
Jesse- Furgy came over for dinner that night. He showed up at my door looking as beautiful as I've ever seen a man look. His shirt was a little small and tight around the abs and shoulders. His jeans hung low and his hair was swept back. His eyes were crystal blue and made his light skin glow in comparison. I smiled.
"God," I said, letting him in. "If you want me to keep my hands off, you should really stop looking so hot."
He laughed. I had cooked even though he preferred we went out to public places, at least for the first couple of dates. I respected that, but my wallet didn't, so I made a cheap plate of my deliciously famous empanadas, rice and beans and enchiladas.
"That smells amazing," he said. I lead him to the kitchen.
We sat down and had the most amazing conversation over dinner. He told me all about his brother and sister, both of which were younger than him and getting ready for college. I dodged the question of my family, opting not to kill the mood by telling him how I'd raised myself to stay out of the orphan system. He talked about his back-packing trip and what lead him back to Dallas.
"I have to confess," he replied. "It was a boy." I laughed and asked what he meant.
"Well," he began. "He went to school with me in college before I decided to quit and do the traveling thing. When I got back home, I learned he was a teacher of some sort here."
"So you came back to find him?"
"Kind of," he replied. "Our relationship was kind of, how do I put this? It was kind of different. I mean, neither of us was out at the time and I was terrified to have sex with when we were in school, not to mention that we were both dating people. He had a girlfriend and I was dating her cousin. We were the closest thing we each had to a best friend though and we started messing around, innocently, until I left school right before junior year. I didn't tell him I was leaving though," he finished.
"You just left?" yeah. "I left him a note on my pillow saying I had to go and I wasn't sure when I'd be back. I told you, when I say my road trip was impromptu, I mean it was impromptu. He spent the night at my house and the next morning I was gone."
"Wow," I replied. "I'd probably hate you if you did that to me." He laughed but I could tell that he didn't find it that funny. "Have you seen him?" I asked.
"Not yet. How am I supposed to go see him? I haven't seen him for like 5 years. He's a TA and doing something with his life and I'm pretty much slumming it."
"Is that why you won't..." I didn't finish the question. But I knew the answer. He wouldn't have sex with anyone until he'd had sex with the guy that he'd fallen in love with. And I thought I had problems. However, for some reason, hearing him tell the story made me like the guy a lot more and it also made me horny for him a lot less.
"Let's go get some dessert in town," I suggested getting up to get my coat. He smiled and I knew I was about to break the rule I'd made only a few days earlier. I was getting ready to fall in love again.
Denton- I was kind of disoriented about the whole Mitchell having a threesome with random guys and me walking in on it thing, so I called Preston to see if he was free. He was working tonight, he said, and the night after and so I wouldn't be able to see him until the middle of the week.
I was disappointed but I knew I had to get out of the house to clear my head, so I got dressed and went out for some coffee.
I was sitting down at a table for less than a few minutes, sipping my coffee and reading the book I was into before I made the mistake of walking in on Mitchell when a really cute guy walked in and went right past me. Without even thinking about it, I checked him as he passed by and when I noticed he'd caught me doing it, I looked up and met his smile. I guess I wasn't too bad at the flirting thing, I thought. My waitress came down and asked if I needed anything else.
"Umm," I said. I didn't notice he'd been talking to me as I was still watching the guy who'd by now sat down and pulled his laptop out. "Umm, no, thank you."
"You think he's cute don't you?" the waitress asked. "A lot of people do. He's one of our best waiters."
"Oh," I said sounding interested. "He works here?"
"Yeah, he does. He's off tonight though. You should go talk to him." She noticed that I looked hesitant. "If you don't, I'm gonna go over there and tell him you think he's cute."
"I don't really think he's that..." I began trying to get the lady to get off my case.
"It's ok. All the guys think he's cute. How about I send over a cup of coffee from you? That's a good way to get noticed."
Before I had a chance to protest, she was walking back to give him a cup of coffee and pointing her head towards me when he asked who it was from. I flushed red and held my book over my face like a thirteen year old. I didn't look up for several minutes.
"So," I heard a voice say from in front of me. "You think coffee is the way to a man's heart?"
"I'm really sorry about that," I said after I'd looked up and noticed that it was the guy who'd walked in. "I didn't think she was really going to do that."
"It's ok," he said quickly. "I work here, so I'm used to people sending coffee across the room. It's like a sophisticated bar, really."
I laughed softly. He introduced himself, sitting down.
"I'm London," I said. I sat up, surprised. That was a pretty neat name, I thought.
"Your name is cool too. I've never met a Denton," he said, leaning onto the table and blowing into his coffee. The tables were already small, and with him leaning in, I could all but feel his hot mocha breath brush past my face.
"I'm glad I could be your first," I said. I was trying the whole flirting thing that Preston had taught me and I figured this would be the first test. That's when I felt a leg brush up against mine and, not expecting it, I jumped in my seat and looked at him with open eyes. When I registered what he was doing, I calmed down.
He smiled as if to hold back a light laughter and I felt embarrassed. "I'm usually not that jittery, I just freaked out for a second."
"It's ok," he replied sweetly. "I was the same way the first time I tried to hit on a guy at a coffee shop."
He'd pegged me. I laughed.
"How does every always know that I'm not used to this sort of thing?" I asked rhetorically. I'm surprised he answered.
"You have that fresh out of the closet look." He must have noticed my face suddenly get hard and defensive. "It's nice. Most of us have been around in the family for so long its fun to see someone trying to find their own."
I took this as my in, as Preston called it, and decided to increase the sketch level by saying something suggestive.
"I am trying," I began. "But it'd be a lot easier if I had someone more experienced to help me out."
Our eyes never unlocked and he knew exactly what I was suggesting. Mission accomplished, I thought. The guy couldn't have downed his coffee and gotten up with me in tow any faster.
Zach- He fell asleep on my lap after I promised not to leave him. I fell asleep to and sometime during the night, I noticed he'd gone out to the restroom. I lay down, leaving room for him to lay down if he came back.
"Zach," he whispered when he got back to the common room. "I'm gonna call him."
"Ok," I said groggily. I wasn't registering.
"Do you think that's a good idea?" he asked.
"Sure," I replied. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew it wasn't a good idea, but my REM sleep was calling me, so I brushed aside the voice and said it was perfectly fine for him to call Brooklyn. Within minutes I was fast asleep.
Denton- I learned something valuable that night. Picking up guys is way easier than picking up girls. Guys are easy. It was easy for me to follow London to his car. It was easy for me to unzip his pants while he drove quickly to a common but secluded sex spot a little bit into the country. It was easy for me to blow his large curved dick as he swerved furiously and grunted softly. It was easy for me to get out of the car once he'd parked and pin him against his truck in order to give him a hot kiss. It was easy for me to feed him the precum I'd already collected from the road head I'd given. It was easy for him to eat it up. It was easy for me to unzip my own pants and motion for him to get on his knees to return the favor. It was easy for us to take turns on each other's cocks until he finally came in my mouth. It was easy for me swallow every hot drop of his cum. It was easy for me to open the bed of his truck, climb in and start eating out his ass. It was easy for him to stay hard as I got ready to fuck his ass. It was easy for me to put on a condom and fuck his tight whole for almost an hour in the back of his truck, surrounded by nothing but the trees and the moon. It was easy for me to take his moans as an excuse to fuck him harder, until I finally pulled out, turned him over on to his back and sprayed wave after wave of his hot cum onto his chest. It was easy for me to watch him lay there, taking fingerfuls of my cum off his body and suck them down. It was easy to watch to let him feed them back to me when I leaned in to kiss him.
But by far the easiest part about guys came at the end of the night. It was easy for me to let him drop me off at the end of the night and not feel guilty or disgusting. Instead, I just felt sticky and fulfilled.
Charles- At about 3 in the morning I had the urge to call Brooklyn. So I did. He didn't answer the first time or the second time for that matter, but I wanted to talk and I knew he would talk to me. I would walk back to his apartment if I needed to, but I knew he would answer eventually.
He finally did, on try 11 and I felt relieved to hear his voice groggily say my name at the other end. Part of me wished he'd forgotten that our conversation earlier, but that was a pipe dream he didn't say anything from the other line until I tried to begin explaining myself.
"I know what you're gonna say, Charles," he said not letting me get a single word in. "So I'm gonna save us the trouble and have both sides of this argument for the both of us. You're gonna say that you're sorry and that you made a mistake. You're gonna say that you thought you could handle an adult relationship but that it was too much too soon and that I shouldn't have forced you into a commitment so fast. Then I'm gonna say I thought you were ready for the next step and that I was gonna ask you to move in with me tonight and then you're gonna break down and cry. And then you're gonna ask for forgiveness and for me to let you start over. Then I'm gonna consider it, but as soon as I do I'm gonna have a mental image of you fucking some other guy and I'm gonna call you a whore. Am I doing a good job so far?" I was crying silently, listening to every word. He spoke softly, but sternly, never raising his voice but cutting through with each word. He continued before I could stop him. "You're gonna apologize and say we can make it work. I'm gonna believe you, finally after hours of no sleep and talking. I'll put in a few jabs first though, maybe ask you how many guys you've fucked while we've been together. You'll say just the one, and I won't know if that's true or not, but I'll believe it because I want to believe so desperately. I'll ask if he was good and you'll say he was nothing compared to me. Then I'll feel flattered and forgive you. I'll say I'll try to slow things down and let the relationship move at its own pace and for the next couple of days things will be awkward between us. You'll spend a lot more time at the apartment; I'll spend a lot more trying to trust you. And right when we get back into the swing of our relationship, you'll say you slipped up and cheated on me again. We'll have this exact same fight over and over and I'll continue to take you back because I love you so fucking much. And then one day, you're gonna tell me you've cheated on me and I'm gonna decide not to forgive you. I'm going to decide that I would rather be alone for the rest of my life than have my heart broken by you one more fucking time. And that's when we'll break up for good." He paused and for the first time, he sounded legitimately pissed. He raised his voice, still not yelling but definitely louder. "Well I'm saving us both the fucking time in between and skipping ahead to the day that I decide not to fucking forgive you. I'm sorry, Charles but you made your mother fucking bed and sadly for you I'll never get to be in it. Goodbye."
He hung up and I feared that that was the last time I'd ever get to hear from Brooklyn.
They say that all good things must come to an end. They often say that end is not always what we anticipate it to be. They say that everything that goes up, must eventually come down.