They say that every emotion, everything that drives us to do something is a mixture of different experiences and emotions. This mixture, like a recipe, can either turn out incredibly or horribly. Some dishes are meant to be served cold, some hot and fresh off the stove. They say revenge is a dish best served cold.
Jesse- It hit me like a rock in the middle of the night. I was laying there, after my date with Furgy, alone wondering when we he would finally let me hit it. Sometime during the night, I realized that I had only one reasonable course of action to take- I had to find out who Furgy had lost his heart to, find him, let Furgy see him and hope that seeing him would allow him to get over it. I was so satisfied with my conclusion that I decided that I could figure out how to go about finding a random 26-year old TA from California in a school with hundreds of TA's lying around.
So with that I went to sleep and it wasn't until halfway through the night that I woke up one hundred percent sure that I knew who the love of Furgy's life was.
Charles- The rest of the night was a bust. I cried myself to sleep for the first time ever in my life. It was so uncharacteristic that I wasn't even sure who I was at the time. I was one part ashamed, one part scared what would happen and three parts lonely. I slept alone that night, emotionally and physically.
When I woke up, I reasoned with myself. Last night had been hell, and there was no denying it. I had given up the one thing that meant anything to me and living with that guilt and pain for 8 hours was more than anyone should ever have to deal with. But I had to deal with it, I decided. It was my punishment. I owed it to myself and Brooklyn to pay the price for my sins.
But having never committed such a serious sin, I wasn't sure how long I as supposed to offer penance for what I'd done. I woke in the morning tired of crying and being sad and guilty and so I decided that that was over. I took a long shower, made breakfast and by the time Shane, Zach and Marco woke up for brunch, I'd already been to the gym and back was looking surprisingly chipper.
Zach was the first one to see me and I could tell he didn't approve of how fast I'd moved on.
"You cooked this?" he asked sitting down with a plate full of eggs, fruit, French toast and potatoes.
"Yeah," I replied. "I couldn't really sleep. Are they good?" the cast recording of Wicked wailed in the background as I flitted around the kitchen cleaning up the dishes I'd used to cook.
"Yeah, this is pretty good." I could tell he wanted to say something, but he didn't know where to start. I kept cleaning.
"What's cooking good looking?" Shane asked loudly when he came in. He grabbed a plate, filled it and sat down next to Zach. "Don't tell me this is how you grieve? You should break up more often."
I felt a pang and I knew I should have felt bad about what he'd said, but for some reason I found it amusing.
"Inappropriate," Zach mumbled barely audible.
The phone rang, so I brushed off his mumble and went to get it. I was surprised to hear Madison on the phone until I realized I hadn't told him I'd told Brooklyn everything.
"How would a guy like me convince a god like you to let me take them to lunch?" he asked.
"Lunch? Yeah, that's cool. I need to talk to you about something, so maybe a quiet place in town."
"Sounds serious," Madison answered.
"It isn't bad, I promise."
"I'll be there in half an hour. I can't wait to see you," he responded.
"Half an hour is fine. I'll see you then. Bye."
I hadn't been off the phone for five seconds when Zach erupted.
"How do you do that?" he asked sounding agitated.
"What?" I asked.
"How are you already making a date? With the guy you've been cheating with, no less. You broke up with Brooklyn yesterday, Charles. For god's sake, take a break."
"I'm sorry," I said. I was suddenly severely annoyed. "When did my relationships become any of your business? Look, I'm sorry that I don't necessarily feel like dwelling on this for the next three weeks. I've already lost one guy I care about; losing another doesn't seem like a good idea. So unless you have a better idea, I'll be getting ready for my lunch date with Madison now."
And I left the kitchen. I didn't have time to be sad or upset or depressed. People like Zach had time to mourn^Å I didn't.
Denton- "You wanna come to the lake with me and some guys today?" Preston asked me. "It's my last weekend off in a while and I want to spend some quality time with you." I was spending the night at his apartment because it was his day off. We lay there on his couch watching TV when he said the words that caught me slightly off guard.
I wanted to say no. I wanted to tell him that I didn't feel the connection or the spark or whatever I was supposed to feel, but I couldn't say it. He was inviting me in to meet his friends, to find out how he lived. I couldn't say no.
"Sure," I replied. "I'd love to." He beamed. I wasn't sure how much he cared, but it kind of worried me that he cared at all. I thought this was just sex. I thought we were just two horny guys and that we were getting each other off every time we needed it. Did he think we were an item?
"I have a question for you," I said. He looked at me blankly. "Are you sleeping with other people?"
As soon as the words left my mouth I realized I hadn't really wanted to ask that question. Why had I said that? Did I really want to know the answer? Part of me needed him to say yes, in order for us both to be on the same page. Part of me kind of wanted him to say no.
"Umm, that's a random question," he replied. "Did you think we were exclusive?"
"You didn't answer the question," I said.
"No, I'm not sleeping with other people," he said flatly. He must have read my face completely because he continued quickly, sounding a little offended. "It isn't easy to meet people you click with when you work 6 nights a week and spend the other night with a sure thing."
"I didn't mean it rudely," I said, cutting him off. "I was just wondering. Because," it was quick thinking time. I had to make a decision. "I haven't been seeing anyone else either."
There was a long pause. Preston was the first to speak. "It's alright if you do," he said softly. "You know, see other people." Another pause. I didn't know what to say. "It isn't like we're going steady or anything."
I just looked at him and did the same thing I did when all my ex-girlfriends had put me in a compromising situation where no answer was the right answer. I leaned in and kissed him. Unlike with my other ex-girlfriends though, I squeezed his cock and felt it rise under my touch.
Jesse- It was Sunday, so there was no way that Brooklyn would be at his office. I somehow convinced myself that knocking on his door on a Sunday morning was a smart idea. After all, if he gets to randomly call me at all hours of the night, I have the right to wake him up at noon.
"Jesse," he said softly. The first thing I noticed after he opened the door was that his eyes were bloodshot. He tried to smile politely. "What are you doing here?" he opened the door a little wider, revealing that he was wearing a pair of running shorts and wife-beater.
"Hi, Brooklyn," I said lamely. I stood there. I hadn't anticipated how difficult this would be, but standing there in front of him at the moment brought back a rush of memories I'd worked so hard to forget. "I um, I just wanted to stop by and ask you something."
"Come in," he said. He motioned me into the living room. "Have a drink." Before I could decline, he emerged from the kitchen with two beers. He sat on the couch next to me, not too close to make it uncomfortable, but close enough for me to notice. What did he think I was doing there? And was it weird that he was drinking so early in the afternoon on a Sunday?
"So, what's up?" he said to me. I thought about going right into talking about Furgy, but I thought I should at least have a few minutes of small talk first.
"Not much. I've been seeing someone," I said.
"Wow, that's nice. Who is he?" He sounded relatively happy for me. I didn't want to tell him the name yet, until I was relatively certain that Brooklyn was the ex-lover Furgy had told me about. I changed the subject.
"How are you and Charles doing?" wrong question, I soon discovered.
"Um," he responded quietly. "We're actually not seeing each other anymore. It didn't work out."
I immediately felt a rush of anger come over me. How in the hell could Charles work so hard to break me and Brooklyn up and then piss it away somehow. I wasn't even sure if it was his fault or not, but judging from the expression on Brooklyn's face, not to mention his tear-stained eyes, I couldn't imagine it being anyone's fault but Charles'.
"I am so sorry to hear that," I said. I really was. "I really am. Come here." I reached out and gave Brooklyn a hug. I could feel him tense up when I touched him and I knew I'd made a mistake. I retreated.
"Maybe this was a bad idea," I said. I put my beer down.
"No, it isn't," he replied. "Just bad timing. I'm sorry I'm such a mess. Maybe we can do lunch sometime." By this time, I was standing and making a concerted effort towards the door. I would definitely have to start thinking things through before I did them.
When I reached the door, Brooklyn reached out to touch my shoulder. "I'm sorry for what I did to you. And I'm not exactly sure what you expected by coming here, but I'm sorry I'm such a wreck. I'm paying for breaking your heart."
The only words that registered were `I'm not sure what you expected by coming here.' He thought I wanted to sleep with him again. That selfish bastard thought I was running back to him. That look on his face when I asked about Charles was have sadness but also half surprise- as if he was surprised I hadn't heard. He thought I was there to pick up Charles' dirty little pieces. I turned around to face him, not sure how upset I was and how upset I was allowed to be.
"Do you know Keith Furgeson?" I asked. This time his face was one-hundred percent surprise.
"Furgy?" he whispered, barely audibly.
"That's the guy I've been seeing. He's in town and he said he might know you." I took a step back and onto his sidewalk, leaving him standing there stunned, wondering how I'd come into contact with the very first love of his life. I couldn't have felt better.
Charles- Lunch with Madison was awkward for the first time. We were usually so good at restaurants. We laughed, we touched, we made the entire restaurant envy us. Today, however, there wasn't nearly as much flirtation. Madison would reach over and touch my arm and I'd flinch. He'd make a joke and I'd barely laugh. He'd graze my leg and I'd move it.
I couldn't take it any longer and Madison's turn towards silence alerted me that he was mildly annoyed too. He was spending Sunday, his day away from all care, with me and I wasn't helping the situation. I decided to just say it.
"I broke up with Brooklyn," I didn't know how he'd react, part of the reason why I was nervous.
"Great," he said. He smiled. "That's a good thing, right?" he paused, noticing my face not changing. "For us at least." He was serious. For the first time, he let go of the veneer of charm and pizzazz and was serious. "Were does that leave us?"
"I'm still scared Madison," I confessed. I liked him, I really did, but this was my one chance at honesty and I wasn't going to let it pass me by so that I could regret it later. "I like you, a lot. I don't think I've ever fallen for someone so fast. I like spending time with you, fucking you, everything. I like you. But I loved Brooklyn."
"Then why did you break up with him?"
"Because I'd gone as far as I could go with him. It was like I was writing a story," I began. I didn't know where the poetic analogy was coming from. "And I'd reached a point in me and Brooklyn's story where there was nothing new to write." Fitting, I thought because Brooklyn was an English teacher. I paused, trying to make this next sentence sound as legitimate as possible. "And I'm afraid to get close to you because I don't want to go as far as I can with you. I don't want to get bored and let you go. I don't want to be that guy that always has to let go of good things because he has no concept of a healthy relationship."
He didn't speak right away. I noticed that I'd given away a lot of power in my little display of emotions, but if honesty was what we were going for, it was now or never.
"Charles," he said softly. He took my hand. "Do you think we're gonna make it?"
I didn't know what he meant. He continued.
"Do you think that you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives together?" he asked.
"I don't know," I responded.
"Neither do I. And that's what makes a relationship so fun. I like you a lot. I usually don't let guys I'm sleeping with date other men, but I like you Charles. Give you and me a chance. I'm not saying we're ever going to get to where you and Brooklyn were, but what's the worst that could happen? We spend the rest of our lives trying to get there?"
The words were so sweet that I did something I'd never done with Brooklyn. I leaned across the table and gave Madison a deep, passionate kiss, right there in the middle of the restaurant.
Denton- It kind of surprised me that Preston thought we were that serious. I suspected he thought we were some kind of item, but the way he got when I asked him about seeing other people made me realize he thought we were serious, no matter what he said. It made me a little nervous. Was I ready for a committed relationship with a guy? Here I was, barely learning how to date, and the first guy I snag wants me to meet his friends and hang out at the lake with him?
I had to take some preemptive measures to ensure that Preston didn't get attached to quickly. There were so many fish in the sea that I hadn't even seen yet. I couldn't settle for the first catch.
Preston was in the shower when I decided that it was now or never. If I didn't make this call, I'd soon find myself with a boyfriend, something I wasn't sure I was ready for.
"Hello?" his voice said on the other line.
"Hi, London. It's Denton," I said. I was whispering. "What are you up to today?"
"Nothing really. I was just going to hang out at home," he replied. He was catching my drift. "Alone."
"Look," I began. I felt my cock begin to rise. "A friend and I are heading up to the lake in a few minutes. I'd love it if you tagged along."
"A party?" he asked. My cock jumped a little.
"You could call it that," I replied. I could almost sense him smile on the other end of the line as he told me he would love to come along.
"Who are you talking to?" Preston said coming out of the bathroom drying his hair off. His cock and balls dangled so low as he dripped, still wet.
"Great," I replied. "I'll meet you at noon. Bring a suit." I hung up the phone and smiled up at Preston's hot body. "A friend of mine wants to come to the lake with us. Is that cool?"
He turned around to finish drying off. His ass looked so cute. "I guess so," he said. He sounded a little disappointed. I knew the disappointment would fade as soon as he got one glimpse of London.
Charles- Madison and I couldn't have gotten out of that restaurant quicker. We got our check, paid our ticket, and before either of us could blink twice, he had me pinned up against the side of his car, kissing me so hard and deep I thought he would be able to taste my lunch.
"Mmm," I moaned in his mouth, pulling away. "Maybe we should get into the car and go somewhere."
"Good idea, stud," he replied. "I don't think I'll be able to keep it in my pants any longer."
He kissed me again. "Who says you have to?" as he reached behind me to open the driver's door, I reached down to grip his cock. He was growing impossibly harder by the second and I knew he had to let his cock out for some air. I unzipped his jeans and slid my hand in.
"What are you doing? You can't do that here?"
"Who says?" I replied. I kissed him again, feeling his dick rise in my hand.
"Dude," Madison protested. "Wait until I get into the car."
"Fine," I replied. "You prude."
I waited until he got into the car. As soon as his seat belt was pulled over his chest and the car was in drive down the freeway, my seat belt was loosened and I was bent over giving the guy I'd just promised to make it work a blow job he never forgot.
As I sat in the parking lot, kissing him one more time and still tasting his cum on my tongue, I contemplated what I was going to tell Zach and Shane and the Italian when I finally got up to the apartment, assuming they were all still awake. I decided that actions spoke louder than words, and I invited Madison to spend the night with me.
"Are you sure? Your roommate won't mind?" he asked.
"Marco? Oh, whatever. That kid owes me so many favors from me sleeping over at Brooklyn's every night." It was an awkward sentence to say, considering the night's events. "It'll be ok," I added quickly.
We walked up, I unlocked the door and my three roommates were all there watching a late night black and white film on TV. I recognized Cary Grant and Katherine Hepburn and knew instantly it was Zach's pick. When Zach looked up and saw me walk in with Madison, I could read the disappointment on his face. I returned his look with one of confidence. I'd made my bed, I thought, and the guy I'd chosen was getting ready to share it with me.
Jesse- The call came a little earlier than I expected. I knew he'd call- I'm not stupid, but I imagined he'd wait a few hours. I hadn't been back in my house for five minutes when the phone rang.
"Hello?" I asked answering it. I knew it was him before he started speaking.
"Look Jesse," Brooklyn began. "I have to see Keith."
"Wow," I said almost insultingly. It felt better than I remembered being in power and all the empathy I felt for Brooklyn not to long ago seemed to melt away as I heard his desperate voice. I sat down on my bed imagining that he could indeed see my erect posture and smug leg cross. "I don't think you're in a position to make such demands, Brooklyn."
"I'll do anything."
"Why should I help you? You broke my heart. You left me for my roommate and the second I move on, you decide to call me on my phone. Don't think I don't know what you're^Å"
He cut me off. "Look Jesse," he said sounding a little calmer than before. "This isn't about you or me or Charles or anyone." He was wrong. It was about all of those things. "This is about my past," he finished.
"I know the story, Brooklyn." I hadn't decided how far I would take it, but I decided to go for the largest possible prize and work my way backwards if I felt it getting sticky. "I know that you and Furgy had a thing, and I respect that. But Furgy is with me now and I'm not sure I'm just going to toss him back to you." He began to say that he wasn't interested in stealing Furgy from me, that he just wanted to see him. I continued. "Of course, I'm sure there's some sort of arrangement we could come up with."
"And what would that be?" he asked quietly.
"Why don't you come over with a bottle of wine and a pack of condoms?" I said coyly. My heart raced as I waited for his reaction. Would he agree to it? And then I got a thought. It was the best thought of my life, and I knew right then and there I'd have two birds with one single solitary stone. "On second thought, why don't I come over? You always did have the bigger place."
"Jesse, I know what you're trying to do, and I'm flattered, but^Å"
"Don't kid yourself Brooklyn. I in no way want to get back together with you; I assure you that right now. I just don't think you and I had a proper ending to a proper relationship. I think we owe ourselves one more tussle. I've cancelled all my plans for the night, and if you ever want a chance at seeing Furgy, you won't hesitate for another second. I'll be over in half an hour and you better be naked and you better be ready." I waited a second to see what he would say and when he didn't protest, I hung up the phone and took in my first breath in thirty-five seconds. I was better than I'd thought.
Zach- "What are you doing?" Shane asked me when he felt me turn around in the bed one more time.
"Nothing. I'm gonna go get a glass of water." I got out of bed, not bothering to put any clothes on as I assumed everyone was asleep and I walked out into the kitchen. I poured myself a glass of water, downed it and realized I was still thirsty. I looked in the cupboard and pulled out a bottle of Smirnoff. I poured myself a shot and took it quickly, then chased it with a sip of sprite from the fridge. The shot worked quickly. I felt better instantly. I felt my nerves go down. My disappointment and resentment for Charles began to secede. I felt my nervousness that Shane would leave me cool down and my regret for not forgiving Chris and letting him back in die down. I took another shot.
"Shit," I heard from behind me as I downed my second shot of vodka. I turned around. Madison stood there naked as the day he was born. "I'm so sorry," he said. He tried to cover his mister's, but he couldn't find the right spot to put his hand.
It took me a while to realize that I was naked too. "Oh, it's not a problem. We're all naked." I waved my hands out, indicating that I was indeed naked.
"I see that," he said. He relaxed a bit and I saw the color draw out of his face. "Why are you up so late?"
"Couldn't sleep," I said. I put both the bottle and the shot glass on the counter and crossed to the table to sit down. "I had a bad day," I replied.
"Hey, no judgment here," Madison said.
"I wasn't expecting any," I replied. He was really cute. He was obviously older, but not noticeably by much. His face was defined, he looked rugged but kept and he had this sophistication about him that wasn't found enough on a college campus. Charles had done well, I thought. "Sit down," I said. "Tell me why you're up so late."
"I was going to come get a glass of water. I'm so used to living alone I didn't even think to put shorts on."
"Nothing I've never fucked before," I said before the words escaped. I guess that was a little slip up due to my slightly loosened tongue. Oh well, I thought. I didn't blush.
"I'm sure," he said. He was cool. "So Charles tells me a lot about you," he said.
"Oh," I replied. "Do tell."
"Well he tells me that you're dating Shane and that you're happy. And that you're very intelligent and probably the best dresser he's ever seen."
"I am a good dresser," I smiled. I began to melt towards Madison. The more he spoke, the more I understood why Charles had picked him. He was comfortable, driven and confident. He spoke to me like we'd known each other for years. He knew that I'd had a couple shots in me by now and he made a couple jabs. I was feeling a little light headed, but far from even remotely drunk; I was just drunk enough to insert a few inappropriate comments, all of which Madison laughed at or responded with his own inappropriate jab.
"I see my two favorite guys are out here having fun," Charles said, scratching his eye and stumbling into the kitchen. He too was naked.
"What, do we just not wear clothes around here?" Madison asked. He'd stood up to meet Charles.
"Not at three in the morning," I responded. They kissed. It was cute. Charles grabbed a glass and filled it with water. He noticed the vodka and smiled at me.
"Why wasn't I invited to your private party?" he asked.
"The party is always open," I said.
"So are your legs," Madison added. We all laughed.
"I came to say I'm on my way out babe," Charles said. "I just got a text from Brooklyn saying he needs me to come pick up my things immediately. He can't sleep with all my shit lying around his house." I could here the guilt in Charles' voice. "I'll be back in like twenty minutes."
Madison understood. He didn't care. He kissed Charles on the cheek. Charles went into the room to put on some clothes and came out a minute later and disappeared outside. Madison took the bottle of vodka off the counter and set it down along with two glasses on the table. "What say we get to know each other over a game of never-have-I-ever?"
And that is when I officially approved of Charles' decision to pick Madison over Brooklyn.
Jesse- It all worked entirely too well. I showed up, Brooklyn was naked and more than willing to let me in. I realized he hadn't had any cock in a while and as soon as we started kissing and touching, all of his reservations melted away into horny enthusiasm to be with another man.
He touched me savagely, threw me across the room and fucked me hard and distantly. He'd look into my eyes and then quickly turn away, avoiding me yet dicking me as well as he could. He turned me around often, opting to fuck me doggy style, which I was ok with. I wasn't there for the procedure as much as I was for the end product.
I'd forgotten how good it felt to be fucked, though. With Furgy not putting out and me holding out for him, I'd actually forgotten how great a hard cock, no matter how unemotional, felt inside me. And Brooklyn robotically knew exactly where to go and what to do, and though we no longer shared the X-Factor with each other, the moves still lead to a pleasurable finish.
He finally collapsed on top of me in his bed and didn't say a word as we both lay in a heap of flesh and sweat and cum. It was good, but not pleasurable; cordial but not passionate. He got the rocks he'd been saving up. I got the rocks that I'd been saving up. There was one stone killed.
Neither of us spoke. I waited about ten minutes, making sure that Brooklyn was asleep and trying my best not to fall asleep myself. When I was sure he had passed out next to me, I got up and felt the nightstand table for his phone. I grabbed it, went into his bathroom and typed this message: I'm sorry to wake you, Charles, but please don't torture me anymore. I need you to come get your stuff right now. I can't physically sleep while there are a million and one reminders of you all over this apartment. It's all in a box by the door. I purposely didn't put which door. In a second, the message was sent I knew for a fact Charles was on his way to collect his things.
I tiptoed back into the room, put the phone back on the table and pounced onto the bed.
"You don't think you're getting off that easy," I whispered in Brooklyn's ear. "I want more."
"What are you doing?" he asked groggily. It took him a second to re-think where he was and what we'd been doing, but as soon as he got his bearings, he was up for anything. I climbed on top and within minutes, I felt his hard cock slide into me from below.
Charles- the message seemed strange, but I had to go over and do it. I felt guilty enough, how was I supposed to sleep knowing that Brooklyn was up, probably crying, and trying to forget what a scumbag I was. If getting my things out of there was going to help make things right, I wasn't going to hesitate. Plus, Madison and Zach were bonding, which was good. Everything could be normal now.
I knew something was wrong the second I opened the front door. I looked around for a box and didn't see one. I noticed the light in the bedroom was on and so I assumed he meant the box was by that door.
I wasn't a foot away from the bedroom when I heard it.
"You miss this ass, don't you Brooklyn?" it was Jesse's voice. I froze.
"I do, stud. I do."
"Oh my fucking god, you're better than I remember Brooklyn."
"Mmmm," I heard Brooklyn moan. "So are you. Oh, shit. You're ass man. I love that ass."
"Say it, Brooklyn," Jesse said again. I was bolted to the floor. "Say you love my ass."
"I love that ass," Brooklyn said. I heard the thrusting. I heard the moaning and in my head I could see every single move they were making. I began to shake, but I couldn't convince my feet that it was time to go.
"Fuck me, fuck me," Jesse repeated over and over. I should have left the second I knew what was happening, but everything inside of me sank.
I finally gathered the strength to move my feet when I heard the one thing I knew he'd say. I dismissed it as a sign of his anger and bitterness towards me, but when I was safely out of the apartment and trying to gather my thoughts on Brooklyn's front porch, the only words that rang in my ear were: "You're the best Jesse. You were always the best. You're the best Jesse. You were always the best."
They say that when all the ingredients are put together correctly, one can cook up any kind of recipe. They say that some recipes should be served warm, right off the stove, while others should marinated and take their time. They say revenge is a dish served best cold. I say revenge is a dish served best hot and between a thin layer of sweat and sheets. Chapter 34
They say that every emotion, everything that drives us to do something is a mixture of different experiences and emotions. This mixture, like a recipe, can either turn out incredibly or horribly. Some dishes are meant to be served cold, some hot and fresh off the stove. They say revenge is a dish best served cold.
Jesse- It hit me like a rock in the middle of the night. I was laying there, after my date with Furgy, alone wondering when we he would finally let me hit it. Sometime during the night, I realized that I had only one reasonable course of action to take- I had to find out who Furgy had lost his heart to, find him, let Furgy see him and hope that seeing him would allow him to get over it. I was so satisfied with my conclusion that I decided that I could figure out how to go about finding a random 26-year old TA from California in a school with hundreds of TA's lying around.
So with that I went to sleep and it wasn't until halfway through the night that I woke up one hundred percent sure that I knew who the love of Furgy's life was.
Charles- The rest of the night was a bust. I cried myself to sleep for the first time ever in my life. It was so uncharacteristic that I wasn't even sure who I was at the time. I was one part ashamed, one part scared what would happen and three parts lonely. I slept alone that night, emotionally and physically.
When I woke up, I reasoned with myself. Last night had been hell, and there was no denying it. I had given up the one thing that meant anything to me and living with that guilt and pain for 8 hours was more than anyone should ever have to deal with. But I had to deal with it, I decided. It was my punishment. I owed it to myself and Brooklyn to pay the price for my sins.
But having never committed such a serious sin, I wasn't sure how long I as supposed to offer penance for what I'd done. I woke in the morning tired of crying and being sad and guilty and so I decided that that was over. I took a long shower, made breakfast and by the time Shane, Zach and Marco woke up for brunch, I'd already been to the gym and back was looking surprisingly chipper.
Zach was the first one to see me and I could tell he didn't approve of how fast I'd moved on.
"You cooked this?" he asked sitting down with a plate full of eggs, fruit, French toast and potatoes.
"Yeah," I replied. "I couldn't really sleep. Are they good?" the cast recording of Wicked wailed in the background as I flitted around the kitchen cleaning up the dishes I'd used to cook.
"Yeah, this is pretty good." I could tell he wanted to say something, but he didn't know where to start. I kept cleaning.
"What's cooking good looking?" Shane asked loudly when he came in. He grabbed a plate, filled it and sat down next to Zach. "Don't tell me this is how you grieve? You should break up more often."
I felt a pang and I knew I should have felt bad about what he'd said, but for some reason I found it amusing.
"Inappropriate," Zach mumbled barely audible.
The phone rang, so I brushed off his mumble and went to get it. I was surprised to hear Madison on the phone until I realized I hadn't told him I'd told Brooklyn everything.
"How would a guy like me convince a god like you to let me take them to lunch?" he asked.
"Lunch? Yeah, that's cool. I need to talk to you about something, so maybe a quiet place in town."
"Sounds serious," Madison answered.
"It isn't bad, I promise."
"I'll be there in half an hour. I can't wait to see you," he responded.
"Half an hour is fine. I'll see you then. Bye."
I hadn't been off the phone for five seconds when Zach erupted.
"How do you do that?" he asked sounding agitated.
"What?" I asked.
"How are you already making a date? With the guy you've been cheating with, no less. You broke up with Brooklyn yesterday, Charles. For god's sake, take a break."
"I'm sorry," I said. I was suddenly severely annoyed. "When did my relationships become any of your business? Look, I'm sorry that I don't necessarily feel like dwelling on this for the next three weeks. I've already lost one guy I care about; losing another doesn't seem like a good idea. So unless you have a better idea, I'll be getting ready for my lunch date with Madison now."
And I left the kitchen. I didn't have time to be sad or upset or depressed. People like Zach had time to mourn... I didn't.
Denton- "You wanna come to the lake with me and some guys today?" Preston asked me. "It's my last weekend off in a while and I want to spend some quality time with you." I was spending the night at his apartment because it was his day off. We lay there on his couch watching TV when he said the words that caught me slightly off guard.
I wanted to say no. I wanted to tell him that I didn't feel the connection or the spark or whatever I was supposed to feel, but I couldn't say it. He was inviting me in to meet his friends, to find out how he lived. I couldn't say no.
"Sure," I replied. "I'd love to." He beamed. I wasn't sure how much he cared, but it kind of worried me that he cared at all. I thought this was just sex. I thought we were just two horny guys and that we were getting each other off every time we needed it. Did he think we were an item?
"I have a question for you," I said. He looked at me blankly. "Are you sleeping with other people?"
As soon as the words left my mouth I realized I hadn't really wanted to ask that question. Why had I said that? Did I really want to know the answer? Part of me needed him to say yes, in order for us both to be on the same page. Part of me kind of wanted him to say no.
"Umm, that's a random question," he replied. "Did you think we were exclusive?"
"You didn't answer the question," I said.
"No, I'm not sleeping with other people," he said flatly. He must have read my face completely because he continued quickly, sounding a little offended. "It isn't easy to meet people you click with when you work 6 nights a week and spend the other night with a sure thing."
"I didn't mean it rudely," I said, cutting him off. "I was just wondering. Because," it was quick thinking time. I had to make a decision. "I haven't been seeing anyone else either."
There was a long pause. Preston was the first to speak. "It's alright if you do," he said softly. "You know, see other people." Another pause. I didn't know what to say. "It isn't like we're going steady or anything."
I just looked at him and did the same thing I did when all my ex-girlfriends had put me in a compromising situation where no answer was the right answer. I leaned in and kissed him. Unlike with my other ex-girlfriends though, I squeezed his cock and felt it rise under my touch.
Jesse- It was Sunday, so there was no way that Brooklyn would be at his office. I somehow convinced myself that knocking on his door on a Sunday morning was a smart idea. After all, if he gets to randomly call me at all hours of the night, I have the right to wake him up at noon.
"Jesse," he said softly. The first thing I noticed after he opened the door was that his eyes were bloodshot. He tried to smile politely. "What are you doing here?" he opened the door a little wider, revealing that he was wearing a pair of running shorts and wife-beater.
"Hi, Brooklyn," I said lamely. I stood there. I hadn't anticipated how difficult this would be, but standing there in front of him at the moment brought back a rush of memories I'd worked so hard to forget. "I um, I just wanted to stop by and ask you something."
"Come in," he said. He motioned me into the living room. "Have a drink." Before I could decline, he emerged from the kitchen with two beers. He sat on the couch next to me, not too close to make it uncomfortable, but close enough for me to notice. What did he think I was doing there? And was it weird that he was drinking so early in the afternoon on a Sunday?
"So, what's up?" he said to me. I thought about going right into talking about Furgy, but I thought I should at least have a few minutes of small talk first.
"Not much. I've been seeing someone," I said.
"Wow, that's nice. Who is he?" He sounded relatively happy for me. I didn't want to tell him the name yet, until I was relatively certain that Brooklyn was the ex-lover Furgy had told me about. I changed the subject.
"How are you and Charles doing?" wrong question, I soon discovered.
"Um," he responded quietly. "We're actually not seeing each other anymore. It didn't work out."
I immediately felt a rush of anger come over me. How in the hell could Charles work so hard to break me and Brooklyn up and then piss it away somehow. I wasn't even sure if it was his fault or not, but judging from the expression on Brooklyn's face, not to mention his tear-stained eyes, I couldn't imagine it being anyone's fault but Charles'.
"I am so sorry to hear that," I said. I really was. "I really am. Come here." I reached out and gave Brooklyn a hug. I could feel him tense up when I touched him and I knew I'd made a mistake. I retreated.
"Maybe this was a bad idea," I said. I put my beer down.
"No, it isn't," he replied. "Just bad timing. I'm sorry I'm such a mess. Maybe we can do lunch sometime." By this time, I was standing and making a concerted effort towards the door. I would definitely have to start thinking things through before I did them.
When I reached the door, Brooklyn reached out to touch my shoulder. "I'm sorry for what I did to you. And I'm not exactly sure what you expected by coming here, but I'm sorry I'm such a wreck. I'm paying for breaking your heart."
The only words that registered were `I'm not sure what you expected by coming here.' He thought I wanted to sleep with him again. That selfish bastard thought I was running back to him. That look on his face when I asked about Charles was have sadness but also half surprise- as if he was surprised I hadn't heard. He thought I was there to pick up Charles' dirty little pieces. I turned around to face him, not sure how upset I was and how upset I was allowed to be.
"Do you know Keith Furgeson?" I asked. This time his face was one-hundred percent surprise.
"Furgy?" he whispered, barely audibly.
"That's the guy I've been seeing. He's in town and he said he might know you." I took a step back and onto his sidewalk, leaving him standing there stunned, wondering how I'd come into contact with the very first love of his life. I couldn't have felt better.
Charles- Lunch with Madison was awkward for the first time. We were usually so good at restaurants. We laughed, we touched, we made the entire restaurant envy us. Today, however, there wasn't nearly as much flirtation. Madison would reach over and touch my arm and I'd flinch. He'd make a joke and I'd barely laugh. He'd graze my leg and I'd move it.
I couldn't take it any longer and Madison's turn towards silence alerted me that he was mildly annoyed too. He was spending Sunday, his day away from all care, with me and I wasn't helping the situation. I decided to just say it.
"I broke up with Brooklyn," I didn't know how he'd react, part of the reason why I was nervous.
"Great," he said. He smiled. "That's a good thing, right?" he paused, noticing my face not changing. "For us at least." He was serious. For the first time, he let go of the veneer of charm and pizzazz and was serious. "Were does that leave us?"
"I'm still scared Madison," I confessed. I liked him, I really did, but this was my one chance at honesty and I wasn't going to let it pass me by so that I could regret it later. "I like you, a lot. I don't think I've ever fallen for someone so fast. I like spending time with you, fucking you, everything. I like you. But I loved Brooklyn."
"Then why did you break up with him?"
"Because I'd gone as far as I could go with him. It was like I was writing a story," I began. I didn't know where the poetic analogy was coming from. "And I'd reached a point in me and Brooklyn's story where there was nothing new to write." Fitting, I thought because Brooklyn was an English teacher. I paused, trying to make this next sentence sound as legitimate as possible. "And I'm afraid to get close to you because I don't want to go as far as I can with you. I don't want to get bored and let you go. I don't want to be that guy that always has to let go of good things because he has no concept of a healthy relationship."
He didn't speak right away. I noticed that I'd given away a lot of power in my little display of emotions, but if honesty was what we were going for, it was now or never.
"Charles," he said softly. He took my hand. "Do you think we're gonna make it?"
I didn't know what he meant. He continued.
"Do you think that you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives together?" he asked.
"I don't know," I responded.
"Neither do I. And that's what makes a relationship so fun. I like you a lot. I usually don't let guys I'm sleeping with date other men, but I like you Charles. Give you and me a chance. I'm not saying we're ever going to get to where you and Brooklyn were, but what's the worst that could happen? We spend the rest of our lives trying to get there?"
The words were so sweet that I did something I'd never done with Brooklyn. I leaned across the table and gave Madison a deep, passionate kiss, right there in the middle of the restaurant.
Denton- It kind of surprised me that Preston thought we were that serious. I suspected he thought we were some kind of item, but the way he got when I asked him about seeing other people made me realize he thought we were serious, no matter what he said. It made me a little nervous. Was I ready for a committed relationship with a guy? Here I was, barely learning how to date, and the first guy I snag wants me to meet his friends and hang out at the lake with him?
I had to take some preemptive measures to ensure that Preston didn't get attached to quickly. There were so many fish in the sea that I hadn't even seen yet. I couldn't settle for the first catch.
Preston was in the shower when I decided that it was now or never. If I didn't make this call, I'd soon find myself with a boyfriend, something I wasn't sure I was ready for.
"Hello?" his voice said on the other line.
"Hi, London. It's Denton," I said. I was whispering. "What are you up to today?"
"Nothing really. I was just going to hang out at home," he replied. He was catching my drift. "Alone."
"Look," I began. I felt my cock begin to rise. "A friend and I are heading up to the lake in a few minutes. I'd love it if you tagged along."
"A party?" he asked. My cock jumped a little.
"You could call it that," I replied. I could almost sense him smile on the other end of the line as he told me he would love to come along.
"Who are you talking to?" Preston said coming out of the bathroom drying his hair off. His cock and balls dangled so low as he dripped, still wet.
"Great," I replied. "I'll meet you at noon. Bring a suit." I hung up the phone and smiled up at Preston's hot body. "A friend of mine wants to come to the lake with us. Is that cool?"
He turned around to finish drying off. His ass looked so cute. "I guess so," he said. He sounded a little disappointed. I knew the disappointment would fade as soon as he got one glimpse of London.
Charles- Madison and I couldn't have gotten out of that restaurant quicker. We got our check, paid our ticket, and before either of us could blink twice, he had me pinned up against the side of his car, kissing me so hard and deep I thought he would be able to taste my lunch.
"Mmm," I moaned in his mouth, pulling away. "Maybe we should get into the car and go somewhere."
"Good idea, stud," he replied. "I don't think I'll be able to keep it in my pants any longer."
He kissed me again. "Who says you have to?" as he reached behind me to open the driver's door, I reached down to grip his cock. He was growing impossibly harder by the second and I knew he had to let his cock out for some air. I unzipped his jeans and slid my hand in.
"What are you doing? You can't do that here?"
"Who says?" I replied. I kissed him again, feeling his dick rise in my hand.
"Dude," Madison protested. "Wait until I get into the car."
"Fine," I replied. "You prude."
I waited until he got into the car. As soon as his seat belt was pulled over his chest and the car was in drive down the freeway, my seat belt was loosened and I was bent over giving the guy I'd just promised to make it work a blow job he never forgot.
As I sat in the parking lot, kissing him one more time and still tasting his cum on my tongue, I contemplated what I was going to tell Zach and Shane and the Italian when I finally got up to the apartment, assuming they were all still awake. I decided that actions spoke louder than words, and I invited Madison to spend the night with me.
"Are you sure? Your roommate won't mind?" he asked.
"Marco? Oh, whatever. That kid owes me so many favors from me sleeping over at Brooklyn's every night." It was an awkward sentence to say, considering the night's events. "It'll be ok," I added quickly.
We walked up, I unlocked the door and my three roommates were all there watching a late night black and white film on TV. I recognized Cary Grant and Katherine Hepburn and knew instantly it was Zach's pick. When Zach looked up and saw me walk in with Madison, I could read the disappointment on his face. I returned his look with one of confidence. I'd made my bed, I thought, and the guy I'd chosen was getting ready to share it with me.
Jesse- The call came a little earlier than I expected. I knew he'd call- I'm not stupid, but I imagined he'd wait a few hours. I hadn't been back in my house for five minutes when the phone rang.
"Hello?" I asked answering it. I knew it was him before he started speaking.
"Look Jesse," Brooklyn began. "I have to see Keith."
"Wow," I said almost insultingly. It felt better than I remembered being in power and all the empathy I felt for Brooklyn not to long ago seemed to melt away as I heard his desperate voice. I sat down on my bed imagining that he could indeed see my erect posture and smug leg cross. "I don't think you're in a position to make such demands, Brooklyn."
"I'll do anything."
"Why should I help you? You broke my heart. You left me for my roommate and the second I move on, you decide to call me on my phone. Don't think I don't know what you're..."
He cut me off. "Look Jesse," he said sounding a little calmer than before. "This isn't about you or me or Charles or anyone." He was wrong. It was about all of those things. "This is about my past," he finished.
"I know the story, Brooklyn." I hadn't decided how far I would take it, but I decided to go for the largest possible prize and work my way backwards if I felt it getting sticky. "I know that you and Furgy had a thing, and I respect that. But Furgy is with me now and I'm not sure I'm just going to toss him back to you." He began to say that he wasn't interested in stealing Furgy from me, that he just wanted to see him. I continued. "Of course, I'm sure there's some sort of arrangement we could come up with."
"And what would that be?" he asked quietly.
"Why don't you come over with a bottle of wine and a pack of condoms?" I said coyly. My heart raced as I waited for his reaction. Would he agree to it? And then I got a thought. It was the best thought of my life, and I knew right then and there I'd have two birds with one single solitary stone. "On second thought, why don't I come over? You always did have the bigger place."
"Jesse, I know what you're trying to do, and I'm flattered, but..."
"Don't kid yourself Brooklyn. I in no way want to get back together with you; I assure you that right now. I just don't think you and I had a proper ending to a proper relationship. I think we owe ourselves one more tussle. I've cancelled all my plans for the night, and if you ever want a chance at seeing Furgy, you won't hesitate for another second. I'll be over in half an hour and you better be naked and you better be ready." I waited a second to see what he would say and when he didn't protest, I hung up the phone and took in my first breath in thirty-five seconds. I was better than I'd thought.
Zach- "What are you doing?" Shane asked me when he felt me turn around in the bed one more time.
"Nothing. I'm gonna go get a glass of water." I got out of bed, not bothering to put any clothes on as I assumed everyone was asleep and I walked out into the kitchen. I poured myself a glass of water, downed it and realized I was still thirsty. I looked in the cupboard and pulled out a bottle of Smirnoff. I poured myself a shot and took it quickly, then chased it with a sip of sprite from the fridge. The shot worked quickly. I felt better instantly. I felt my nerves go down. My disappointment and resentment for Charles began to secede. I felt my nervousness that Shane would leave me cool down and my regret for not forgiving Chris and letting him back in die down. I took another shot.
"Shit," I heard from behind me as I downed my second shot of vodka. I turned around. Madison stood there naked as the day he was born. "I'm so sorry," he said. He tried to cover his mister's, but he couldn't find the right spot to put his hand.
It took me a while to realize that I was naked too. "Oh, it's not a problem. We're all naked." I waved my hands out, indicating that I was indeed naked.
"I see that," he said. He relaxed a bit and I saw the color draw out of his face. "Why are you up so late?"
"Couldn't sleep," I said. I put both the bottle and the shot glass on the counter and crossed to the table to sit down. "I had a bad day," I replied.
"Hey, no judgment here," Madison said.
"I wasn't expecting any," I replied. He was really cute. He was obviously older, but not noticeably by much. His face was defined, he looked rugged but kept and he had this sophistication about him that wasn't found enough on a college campus. Charles had done well, I thought. "Sit down," I said. "Tell me why you're up so late."
"I was going to come get a glass of water. I'm so used to living alone I didn't even think to put shorts on."
"Nothing I've never fucked before," I said before the words escaped. I guess that was a little slip up due to my slightly loosened tongue. Oh well, I thought. I didn't blush.
"I'm sure," he said. He was cool. "So Charles tells me a lot about you," he said.
"Oh," I replied. "Do tell."
"Well he tells me that you're dating Shane and that you're happy. And that you're very intelligent and probably the best dresser he's ever seen."
"I am a good dresser," I smiled. I began to melt towards Madison. The more he spoke, the more I understood why Charles had picked him. He was comfortable, driven and confident. He spoke to me like we'd known each other for years. He knew that I'd had a couple shots in me by now and he made a couple jabs. I was feeling a little light headed, but far from even remotely drunk; I was just drunk enough to insert a few inappropriate comments, all of which Madison laughed at or responded with his own inappropriate jab.
"I see my two favorite guys are out here having fun," Charles said, scratching his eye and stumbling into the kitchen. He too was naked.
"What, do we just not wear clothes around here?" Madison asked. He'd stood up to meet Charles.
"Not at three in the morning," I responded. They kissed. It was cute. Charles grabbed a glass and filled it with water. He noticed the vodka and smiled at me.
"Why wasn't I invited to your private party?" he asked.
"The party is always open," I said.
"So are your legs," Madison added. We all laughed.
"I came to say I'm on my way out babe," Charles said. "I just got a text from Brooklyn saying he needs me to come pick up my things immediately. He can't sleep with all my shit lying around his house." I could here the guilt in Charles' voice. "I'll be back in like twenty minutes."
Madison understood. He didn't care. He kissed Charles on the cheek. Charles went into the room to put on some clothes and came out a minute later and disappeared outside. Madison took the bottle of vodka off the counter and set it down along with two glasses on the table. "What say we get to know each other over a game of never-have-I-ever?"
And that is when I officially approved of Charles' decision to pick Madison over Brooklyn.
Jesse- It all worked entirely too well. I showed up, Brooklyn was naked and more than willing to let me in. I realized he hadn't had any cock in a while and as soon as we started kissing and touching, all of his reservations melted away into horny enthusiasm to be with another man.
He touched me savagely, threw me across the room and fucked me hard and distantly. He'd look into my eyes and then quickly turn away, avoiding me yet dicking me as well as he could. He turned me around often, opting to fuck me doggy style, which I was ok with. I wasn't there for the procedure as much as I was for the end product.
I'd forgotten how good it felt to be fucked, though. With Furgy not putting out and me holding out for him, I'd actually forgotten how great a hard cock, no matter how unemotional, felt inside me. And Brooklyn robotically knew exactly where to go and what to do, and though we no longer shared the X-Factor with each other, the moves still lead to a pleasurable finish.
He finally collapsed on top of me in his bed and didn't say a word as we both lay in a heap of flesh and sweat and cum. It was good, but not pleasurable; cordial but not passionate. He got the rocks he'd been saving up. I got the rocks that I'd been saving up. There was one stone killed.
Neither of us spoke. I waited about ten minutes, making sure that Brooklyn was asleep and trying my best not to fall asleep myself. When I was sure he had passed out next to me, I got up and felt the nightstand table for his phone. I grabbed it, went into his bathroom and typed this message: I'm sorry to wake you, Charles, but please don't torture me anymore. I need you to come get your stuff right now. I can't physically sleep while there are a million and one reminders of you all over this apartment. It's all in a box by the door. I purposely didn't put which door. In a second, the message was sent I knew for a fact Charles was on his way to collect his things.
I tiptoed back into the room, put the phone back on the table and pounced onto the bed.
"You don't think you're getting off that easy," I whispered in Brooklyn's ear. "I want more."
"What are you doing?" he asked groggily. It took him a second to re-think where he was and what we'd been doing, but as soon as he got his bearings, he was up for anything. I climbed on top and within minutes, I felt his hard cock slide into me from below.
Charles- the message seemed strange, but I had to go over and do it. I felt guilty enough, how was I supposed to sleep knowing that Brooklyn was up, probably crying, and trying to forget what a scumbag I was. If getting my things out of there was going to help make things right, I wasn't going to hesitate. Plus, Madison and Zach were bonding, which was good. Everything could be normal now.
I knew something was wrong the second I opened the front door. I looked around for a box and didn't see one. I noticed the light in the bedroom was on and so I assumed he meant the box was by that door.
I wasn't a foot away from the bedroom when I heard it.
"You miss this ass, don't you Brooklyn?" it was Jesse's voice. I froze.
"I do, stud. I do."
"Oh my fucking god, you're better than I remember Brooklyn."
"Mmmm," I heard Brooklyn moan. "So are you. Oh, shit. You're ass man. I love that ass."
"Say it, Brooklyn," Jesse said again. I was bolted to the floor. "Say you love my ass."
"I love that ass," Brooklyn said. I heard the thrusting. I heard the moaning and in my head I could see every single move they were making. I began to shake, but I couldn't convince my feet that it was time to go.
"Fuck me, fuck me," Jesse repeated over and over. I should have left the second I knew what was happening, but everything inside of me sank.
I finally gathered the strength to move my feet when I heard the one thing I knew he'd say. I dismissed it as a sign of his anger and bitterness towards me, but when I was safely out of the apartment and trying to gather my thoughts on Brooklyn's front porch, the only words that rang in my ear were: "You're the best Jesse. You were always the best. You're the best Jesse. You were always the best."
They say that when all the ingredients are put together correctly, one can cook up any kind of recipe. They say that some recipes should be served warm, right off the stove, while others should marinated and take their time. They say revenge is a dish served best cold. I say revenge is a dish served best hot and between a thin layer of sweat and sheets.