This Gift

Wuz up y'all? The positive feedback I keep getting, is doing me great wonders for wanting to continue. I love it all, and appreciate it greatly. To all of you who've written me, I thank you with all my heart. Keep it coming, bigdaddycool_0813@hotmail.com

Just a quick thank you to D, Matt, Missy, Bon-Bon, and all the others who give me a reason to keep on smiling. Y'all have helped me out a lot with my `problem' and you can't understand how much that means me. Zach, your smile keeps me smiling, so keep on smiling!

I have to thank personally MH, my editor who does SO much for this story to actually look the way it does, and takes out all my extra commas. God knows I put WAY too much. So, thanks MH, I owe ya lots, and I appreciate ya!

Thanks also has to go out to JR Smith who helped me with the direction of this instalment a bit. Hope it turned out the way you thought it would. Keep reading, thanks for writing me with the idea.

I don't know if any of 98 Degrees prefer the male sex over the female, but it'd be nice if they did. This story has nothing to do with their actual preferences. If I happened to coincidentally guess correctly with one or the other, I assure you, it's purely coincidental.

Now if you're not supposed to read this, because you're too young, or you're not allowed in the area you inhabit, please don't. If you do, and you're not supposed to, do us both a favour, and don't get caught. But I still gotta say; do NOT read this if you're not allowed. Got it? Thought so.

THIS GIFT -- Last Time******

I removed my hand and backed away from the door. I looked down at the clothes I was wearing -- Nick's clothes. I was reminded of how secure and safe I felt in his arms. That's when I decided where I'd sleep. I went into the guestroom where Nick had slept, and slid into bed, not even stripping down to my briefs. I pulled the covers over me, and sighed I could still smell faint traces of Nick's cologne. I was safe, at least for the night.

God only knew what was in store for me the next week, my first post-98 Degrees week I'd be lonely, and I knew that I'd eventually have to go into my room. I couldn't wear Nick's clothes forever, and all mine where inside. I shuddered at that thought. It reminded me too much of Drew, and I wasn't willing to experience that at the moment. I fell asleep, tears streaking down my cheeks once more and hugging the pillow with Nick's scent tightly, as if my life depended on it.

THIS GIFT -- Chapter 5******

Things never got easier. As much as I tried, it only seemed to get harder. It had been a year since I had wished the guys well, seeing them off on their flight. I knew deep down I would most likely never hear from them again, and, well, I was right. Nick was the only one who made an attempt to stay in contact -- he wrote me a letter. I wrote back, and never received a reply.

I knew it was inevitable. These things happen. You meet celebrities, hit it off, and then, they forget you. That's how it always seemed. Kinda like a one-night stand. The sad part is, I knew what would happen, and let it. I knew my heart would get trampled on, but I still went through with it. I wasn't going to try and force myself in their lives; if they really cared about me, they would've kept in contact.

A lot can happen in a year. I graduated, and went on to university. I had done what I always said I wouldn't: stayed in Ottawa. I always wanted to leave, just get away, but it wasn't in the cards. As much as I would've loved to go to university in Toronto, or BC, I just couldn't afford to drag my ass away. Too many things held me back.

I had become a very selfless person. After Drew's vivid one-sided discussion that night, I realised my selfishness, and vowed never to be like that again. I wanted to show that I wasn't as bad a person as he let on. I began donating money to charities, volunteering my time, and co-ordinating fun days for underprivileged children. I loved kids, and it always made me feel good to bring a smile to their face.

Now comes the shocker: In co-ordinating these fun days, I began to spend a lot of time with Maria, the hostess from Las Palmas. Well that's not really anything shocking. But when you spend a lot of time with someone; you start to develop feelings for them, and that certainly was the case with Maria. We chilled, went to the movies, had romantic dinners, lounged around at home, and just enjoyed each other's company. All this time spent together, lead to us going out.

Maria was very understanding about my reluctance to opening up so soon. I was still emotionally attached to Drew, and she understood. She never once asked me about Drew the entire time we had been together, and for that I was grateful. She truly was like an angel, undercover and sent from God.

I was beginning to fall in love with Maria, of that I was sure. She made me feel like no other could -- she completed me. She knew me better than I knew myself at times, and all this in just almost two months.

It was our two-month anniversary, and I was on the bus, reflecting on the past and how I would celebrate the night with her. I had it all planned, and couldn't wait to get home and put the plan in action. I hadn't told Maria I loved her yet, but tonight was going to be the first time the words escaped my mouth directed towards her. It was to be an important night, for both of us. Tonight was going to be something...

I walked into the house, and got excited knowing that, since Maria wasn't Home, I'd be able to start cooking our dinner. I had everything set up just in time for her to walk through the door. Placing a gentle kiss on her lips, I grabbed her bag, placed it on the floor, and led her to the table. Being the gentleman that I am, I pulled her chair out for her, allowing her to take a seat.

Once she was seated, and I had lit the candles, I excused myself to fetch the food. After a quick trip to the kitchen, I returned with what I had prepared to eat. As I placed it before her, she began to laugh quietly, trying to hold it in. "What?" I asked in mock hurt.

"Only you."

"Only me, what?" I tried, playing dumb.

"Only you could make Kraft Dinner a romantic meal."

I had to laugh, she was right -- I was the only person I knew who would try to make a romantic meal out of Kraft Dinner. You gotta give me credit though, at least I tried. I'm not exactly the greatest cook, and macaroni and cheese was one of Maria's favourite foods.

I pulled out the bottle of champagne, and she began to giggle again. "What now?" I said, playfully annoyed.

"Champagne and Kraft Dinner... you never cease to amaze me."

I blushed. I was never good at taking compliments, and when they are from someone you like, it's even harder. She noticed the change of colour in my face, and decided to drag this out. "Did I ever tell you you're cute when you blush? Even your ears turn red."

By this time, I was three shades darker. There was nobody there but the two of us, and still she managed to get me embarrassed. That was a talent, and to-date, only she possessed it.

The night was going smoothly, we ate, danced, made-out, everything I was hoping would happen, but it all came to a grinding halt when the telephone rang. I'd called everyone we knew, telling them not to call cause we'd be 'busy' and they all understood and agreed not to. Whoever was on the other end of the phone, obviously, didn't know about it, or was about to announce an emergency. Breaking our make-out session, and a little worried, I grabbed the phone. "Hello?"

"Hi, is Denise Richards there please?" the stranger asked.

"I'm sorry, you must have the wrong number." I replied with an annoyed sigh.

"Oh, I'm terribly sorry. My bad."

And with that I hung up the phone, returning to our make-out session. Ten minutes later, the phone rang again. Once again, we took a momentary pause for me to answer the phone again. "Hello?"

"Denise Richards please."

"WRONG NUMBER, AGAIN!" I screamed.

Before they could apologise, or say anything for that matter, I hung up. Just as I was getting back into things, the phone rang once more. With a frustrated scream, I picked it up. "Look, how many times do I have to tell you, YOU HAVE THE WRONG FUCKING NUMBER!"

"Andrew?"

My anger dropped completely upon hearing his voice on the other end of the line, and my eyes welled up with tears. "Yeah?"

"Andrew... it's me. Drew."

Just hearing his name started the tears down my cheeks. After all this time he decided to call. All these months, plenty of opportunities, and he calls me on my two-month anniversary. Maria looked at me worriedly seeing the tears on my face, practically begging me for an explanation.

"Hi Drew," was all I could muster out. A sympathetic look came over Maria's face as it clicked for her. She kissed my cheek, then left for the dining room; leaving me to talk privately with Drew. I wanted Maria to stay, and then again, I didn't. I wanted to be able to feel her near me, but I didn't want her hearing something and taking it the wrong way; I still had feelings for Drew and was afraid to say something I'd regret later.

"How you holding up?" he asked, trying to get the conversation going.

"How'm I holding up? How am I holding up? How can you ask me that? You leave me in the dark for a fucking year, and expect things to be just like they were, what's wrong with you?" I clearly voiced my pain and anger with a strong and certain voice.

"Andrew... I jus..." He was cut off by someone taking the phone.

"D?" It was Nick. A smile instantly came to my face as I heard his voice. I don't know what it was, but he just made me feel that much better.

"Nick! Damn it's been how long? Why didn't you write me back?"

"I could ask you the same question. You never wrote me back. I sent you a letter, didn't you get it?"

"Yeah, I got it, and I wrote you back, didn't you get my reply?" I asked, confused. `I did send it right?'

"Nope, never heard from you. Guess it got lost in the mail. Anyways, what'd you say to Drew, he's cryin' here, and you know how I don't like seeing him cry."

"Nick, fuck the bastard. He left me in the dark for a year and expects me to be just hunky-dory?"

"Um, I think I'll let you fuck him, and it's not like he didn't try to get in touch with you. You know how long he's been trying to get your number?"

"He what?" I asked in shock.

"He's been trying to get your number for like, ever. He tried getting Jeff to get it from Martha; nope, wouldn't work. He tried calling Las Palmas to get it from that girl... what's her name..." I could faintly hear Drew tell him. "Vanessa, yeah. He tried getting it from management, they didn't have it, and he tried getting it from your Tim Hortons, they wouldn't give it, to him, or any of us. Nobody wanted to give it to us. He even tried information, but they said it was unlisted. You gotta cut him some slack; he's been trying for the past year to get a hold of you, and now that he finally does, you scream at him? D, come on, you're better than that."

I hung on to every word Nick said, and that's why this conversation really stuck in my head, and softened my heart. I never knew any of this -- no one ever told me that he was trying to get a hold of me. Then again, why would they; they were trying to protect me. I had to love them all for it, but if they hadn't, then Drew could've cleared things up a long time ago. Realising that he truly did want to talk to me, after my thinking he didn't, upset me even more.

Yet again, there was proof of my selfishness. I was so caught up in my feelings that I didn't even consider his. All those months of volunteering and charity donations were just that, volunteering and donations. They weren't a declaration of my selflessness, cause here I was, yet again, a selfish little bitch. It really sucks that it's human nature to think of oneself!

"Nick, can you put Drew back on the phone?" After Nick agreed, and passed the phone to a very upset Drew, my 98 Degrees life had begun, all over again. "Drew, I'm so sorry. I didn't know. I thought you were ignoring me this whole time. Nobody told me you were trying to get a hold of me. Nobody said a thing. I thought you had just went on with your life and forgotten me. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me..."

"Andrew," he cut me off, "stop rambling. I know you didn't know, no one would give me your number because they were trying to protect you. You've got great friends; really you do. I'm not mad at them for not giving me your number. In fact, I respect them more for that. As for forgetting you, that's nearly impossible. I don't think I'll ever be able to forget you. You came into my life, turned it upside down and inside out. No one has ever been able to do that to me. No one but you, and I welcomed it."

"Drew, please stop. Don't say any more just yet. Please." I couldn't take any more of his revelation, I would've caved right there. With Maria in the other room, that wouldn't have been such a good idea. Now I had a problem. With just one phone call, Drew had re-kindled the flame, that once again roared like a bonfire, from the coals that had smouldered for a year. That flame had never gone out, and it was never as strong as it was at this moment. I was torn between two people; one male, one female. If this was a battle between the sexes, who would win?

"Andrew... Andrew. You there?" Drew grabbed my attention.

"Yeah?" I asked, pulling myself back to our conversation.

"Well, I'm in town and I was hoping we could meet up."

"Yeah, sure... I'd like that." I replied somewhat excitedly.

After Drew explained that he was in town, and his pleas to meet up somewhere, I caved, agreeing to meet them the next night. I couldn't resist -- I wanted to see him. I had to, as much for his sake as for mine. Damn, why did life have to be so hard?

After placing the receiver back in the cradle, I walked to where Maria had escaped earlier. I knew from her position at the table that she had been crying. I knew her so well that I could tell from the way she sat that she had been crying, and I couldn't blame her. She knew just as well as I did that this was going to cause problems. I was emotionally caught in a kind of limbo; stuck between two people. I walked over to Maria, and placed a hand on her shoulder, bringing my face level with hers and placing a delicate kiss on her cheek.

"Maria, are you alright?" At first she didn't answer, filing through her mind, looking for an answer that would please us both. After some deliberation, she finally turned to look at me, with tear-stricken cheeks.

"Yes... and no." It wasn't quite the answer she wanted to give, but it was all she could think of. "I'm alright, because I know you're going to do what will make you happy, but I'm not because I fear that you're going to choose him. I know you will. He's always had your heart. The entire time you have been with me, he was on your mind, and in your heart. Don't try to deny it, cause you know it's true."

I wasn't going to deny it; I couldn't lie to Maria, no matter what the situation. I just couldn't. But I honestly couldn't say which direction I'd go in -- I had strong feelings for both of them. I just hoped the other would understand. The position I was in, was not only complicated, but confusing and stressful. It hadn't even been half an hour, and I was a wreck.

"Maria, you know I can't say for sure. I love you, I really do, don't ever doubt ever that. It's just that right now... well... picture it this way, you're train A, Drew's train B. He's leaving from Cincinnati, heading straight for me, you're leaving Mexico, heading straight for me, and you both got here at the same time, head on collision, BAM. I'm feeling exactly how those two trains colliding would. Full of commotion and chaos."

"Carino, I understand everything. I know how you're feeling. Well I don't know, but I understand. You're going to see him, aren't you?"

"Yeah, I am." I felt a little guilty, but I had to do it. I had to meet him; it was the only way I'd be able to tell if my feelings for him were still as strong. What more was there to say about that? Nothing really. I just wanted to go and crawl in a hole at that moment. The hurt on Maria's face, combined with my inner pain, only made things worse.

"Baby?" she asked, looking me in the eyes. "Can I meet him? Can I see who I'm sharing your heart with?"

"Fair enough. You have every right to. I meet him tomorrow night. I want our first night to be just the two of us, him and I, so what about the following night?"

"Sounds good. I work tomorrow night anyways."

"So, it's settled?" She gave a little nod. "Then, can we get some sleep now baby, I'm beat!" Again, she gave a little nod. "Maria, don't think about it anymore tonight. You're the one sleeping in my arms tonight, not him." I said, gently kissing her lips.

As we walked up the stairs to our bed, Maria broke the silence, turning to look me in the eye. "I know I'm sleeping in your arms tonight, but will I be sleeping in your arms a week from now?" She turned to continue up the stairs, "That's what I'm worried about."

I couldn't answer; I had nothing to say to that. Thankfully, being the understanding person that she was, she again broke the silence. "I wasn't expecting an answer, it was rhetorical."

"Baby, you know I wanna answer you. I just don't know... I dunno. I'm so confused right now. All these thoughts are flowing around my mind, emotions being brought up again, everything. I just don't know... and I hate it!"

"I know carino, I know. Let's just get some sleep." she said, while slipping into her pyjamas. I'd already stripped down to my boxers and crawled into bed, and now was waiting for Maria to come into my arms. When she finally did, we cuddled together, and fell asleep.

I awoke before Maria. It was just a little after five, and I was having trouble sleeping. It was understandable -- look what I had to deal with. I had a lot on my mind, and no scapegoat to place the stress on. I lay there in bed, looking at Maria. She was so peaceful, nothing bothered her in slumberland. Not a thing. She had a little grin forming at the corners of her mouth, making me assume she was having a good dream.

I lay there for over half an hour, just looking at her, taking in her beauty. I never really noticed it before. I'd never taken the time. They say you never know what you have until you lose it. I was beginning to think my mind was already made up; that I knew my choice already. Even though I was in bed with her right beside me, I missed her already. The completeness I had felt for the last two months was suddenly lacking.

I was scared and excited at the same time. Scared because I knew I was about to make a decision that was going to change my life, and the lives of two others, no matter who I chose. And excited because I was going to decide the love of my life. I was all tingly inside. I had butterflies in my stomach, and my heart felt like a sumo-wrestler was sitting on it. Better explained: I had seen better days.

Maria's eyes began to flutter open, as she glanced up at me smiling down at her. "Hey baby," she said giving me a kiss, "how long have you been up?"

I glanced at the clock, "'bout half an hour."

"What've you been doin' the whole time?"

"Watchin' you." I admitted.

"Aww, how sweet," she said, giving me another kiss. "I wish I could stay in bed all day, but you know I have to get to work. I'll see you when I'm done? When are you going to see Drew?"

"Probably around six. He has an interview and some stuff to do until about 5:30."

"Oh, alright." She sounded distant and uncertain, but there was nothing I could do to comfort her. I didn't know how she was feeling, and I certainly didn't have a clue how to make her feel better when I couldn't even shake the stress off of my shoulders.

She got out of bed, grabbed her morning things and followed through with her regular routine. It wasn't long before I heard the shower running, and her soothing voice singing some beautiful Spanish song. I just lay back in bed, closed my eyes, and tried to relax my body. It didn't really work, though. If anything, it only made me more tense. I was dragged out of my failing attempt to relax by the phone ringing. I was a bit annoyed that someone would call so early in the morning. Grabbing the receiver from the cradle, I began the conversation, "Hello?"

"G'mornin' sunshine!" Drew was excessively perky.

"Good morning. Why are you so chipper?"

"No reason, I just had a good sleep."

"So did I, but you don't see me actin' all sweet."

"Did you have a glass of orange juice yet?" he asked.

"Actually... no. How did you know I'm a bitch before I have my glass of OJ?" I was curious.

"Just guessing," he explained. "So, did I wake you up?"

"Nope, been up a while."

"Oh. Alright, well... I was just calling to make sure we were still on for tonight. You know, at six."

"Yeah, don't worry, we're still on. I'll see ya then, but right now I gotta get going. See you then?"

"Yeah, I'll see you then. Later."

I hung up the phone and stretched my arms to the ceiling, trying to elicit a few cracks and pops from various parts of my tense body. `Damn, do I need to go see a masseuse or what?' I thought just as Maria made her re-entrance into the room.

"Sweetie, I'm running late. have you seen my hair clips?" She asked me, rushing around the room.

"They're on the table by the couch. They came off yesterday while we were having, um... `fun'" I explained.

"Thanks," she answered before she rushed to the living room, fetching her hair clips and heading to the door. I met her there, stopping her to steal a kiss. "I'll see ya later, k? I love you." With that she kissed me, but it wasn't like a normal kiss from Maria. It was like she was trying to prove something. As if she was trying to prove all she had to give in that passion-packed, make-my- heart-race, melt-my-knees kiss. The kiss seemed to last forever, even though it was only a couple of minutes.

The next thing I knew she was out the door, and I was standing there, alone. I stood at the door, following her every move as if it were the last time I'd ever see her. Watching her beautiful hair blow with wind; how her hips moved from side to side with each step she took. She definitely was a beautiful woman, and I was disappointed in myself that I had really only just noticed it.

After watching her pull out of the driveway, waving as she did so, I slowly retreated to the bathroom to ready myself for the day. I showered, shaved, dressed, brushed my teeth, and messed around with my hair a bit before I declared myself ready. It took all of an hour to do all of that. Since I didn't have to work, and I was going to go out tonight to meet with Drew, I combed through my wardrobe for what I would wear. I wanted to Look... I dunno. I wanted him to see what he's been missing all this time. Even though he had tried to get a hold of me the entire time, I still felt he could've contacted me if he really wanted to. So I needed to rub something in.

I stopped; there I was, thinking of myself yet again. I sat down on the bed, pondering my selfishness. `Why do I always think of myself so much? Damn, I hate it! I hate it! I hate it!'

After finishing up that thought, I figured I'd go with some normal clothes, just so I wouldn't intentionally be rubbing anything in his face. The last thing I needed was for him to start screaming about my selfishness all over again.

Well, after deliberating a while, and through trial and error, I came to a decision on what to wear. Unfortunately for me, it was dirty. Now, I knew how to do laundry -- I did it all the time when I lived with my mom -- but funny thing was, I didn't know how to work my own machine. I'd use laundry as my excuse to go and see my mom at least once every week; I never once used mine. And then recently Maria had started doing my laundry, so I had yet to touch the machine once. I put all my laundry in the basket, grabbed Maria's basket, and brought them down to the laundry room. I stared at the machine, feeling a little intimidated. Finally, after realising I wasn't going to figure out how to use it, I ran and grabbed the cordless to call.

"Mama?" I asked as she picked up.

"Yeah? Wait... what are you doing up so early on a day you don't have to work?"

"I have some stuff I have to do for later. Mama, I know this is gonna sound dumb, but how do you work my washing machine?"

"For clothes?"

"Yup, yup."

"You don't know how to use it?!" She was shocked, to say the least.

"Yeah, I always do laundry there. I don't know how to here... can you just tell me what buttons to push?"

She laughed and quickly explained it to me, and then left me to my laundry devices. I had to love my mom -- she always understood when to let me do my own thing. I guess she caught the vibe that I was on a mission: clean my clothes, and head out the door. Of course she didn't know a thing about Drew yet, and that wasn't going to happen until sometime after. It was something I wasn't looking forward to doing unless I was sure he was the one' I would spend my life with. At the moment I was with Maria, and until I decided she wasn't the one,' there was no point in my explaining something to my mom for no apparent reason.

I was focused on my laundry now, stuffing them in the washing machine, adding the soap and flipping the switches the way mom told me to. It took about 20 minutes for the wash to complete, so I occupied myself with reading another of my new friends' story from on that Nifty site I mentioned before. This one was about Lance from *N SYNC, and damn was it good. Rob, the author, was extremely talented, and made the story believable, one of the requirements to keep my interest. This Rob guy was able not only to keep my attention, but also had me on the edge of my seat, had me angered, with butterflies in my stomach and on the brink of tears with the changing moods. It's a great story.

I was well engrossed in the story when the buzzer buzzed to let me know the washing cycle was done. Buzzed away from the story, I transferred the load from the washer to the dryer, and then had another half hour to wait. Who would've guessed patience was needed to do the laundry? I certainly wouldn't. I didn't have enough story left to last me the half an hour, so I left the laundry room to log onto my computer to print some more. However I was side-tracked and ended up checking my mail, and replying to the important ones, so I never did actually print out any new pages. The timer rang and the clothes were dry, ready for me to go and put on.

I grabbed the clothes I wanted to wear, leaving the ones I didn't need in the dryer (yeah, lazy me!), and headed to my bedroom to complete the look. I put my chain around my neck, placed my bracelet and watch on opposing wrists, checked myself in the mirror, and was really satisfied with how I looked. It was a rare occurrence for me, to be satisfied with how I looked, and it made me feel really good when I actually did. I loved it. Tonight was going to be one hell of a night. As my reunion with Drew ticked closer and closer, my heart beat faster and faster and my palms sweat more and more. I was really nervous, and I was so afraid that it was going to show.

In the remaining time before I had to leave, I did anything I possibly could to take my mind off of Drew. But the more I tried, the more I realised it was useless. I was nervous, and there was nothing I could do that would make it go away, at least not until I saw him again. Finally the time for my departure came. I left a note for Maria, saying where I'd be in case she needed me, and then hopped into my van, heading to the guys' hotel to pick up Drew.

As I parked the van at the hotel, a wave of nervousness crept over me, crippling me. I couldn't move, so I sat there for a good ten minutes just thinking. Finally, shaking my head, I exited the van and walked my way over to the lobby. With a deep breath, I walked over to the receptionist and asked her to call up to the guys' room to let Drew know I was there. She was downright rude to me until I remembered Drew telling me to say `the cat's dead and the dog pissed in my boots.' She laughed at me a bit, not being able to believe that I would come and say it to her, but she soon called Drew.

As I waited for Drew, I continued talking with the receptionist. "So, can I ask ya, who makes up these password things, the hotel or the guys?" I was really curious as to why it'd be something so dumb.

"Well, this time it was Mr. Lachey himself. Actually, that one was just for you -- he wanted to see if you actually had the nerve to come up and tell me that the dog pissed in your boots. Congrats, you've got some balls."

I laughed silently, "Yeah, sounds like him."

"So, are you a fan... friend... what?" she posed casually.

"I'm a friend. We met a while ago, and were close... until we got into an argument over something really stupid. It was all my fault; I was being pretty damn selfish. This is the first time that we're gonna talk since that night. And here I am rambling on about my stupidities to a receptionist that probably doesn't give two shits about what I have to say. Sorry for going on and on like that."

"It's cool, don't worry. I can tell you're nervous. I was just trying to get you to relax a bit. Did it work?" You know, I never even thought about what she was doing, but yeah it did work. I was pretty alright now, my mind had been pulled off actually meeting up with him.

"Yeah... yeah! Thanks..." I looked at her name tag, "Michelle. Thanks."

Just as I said that, Drew made his entrance. But it wasn't the ding of the elevator that roused me; it was his breathing on the back of my ear as he whispered, "Well, it's nice to see you too."

I practically jumped out of my shoes. And Michelle had seen him coming and didn't even let me know. I knew there was a reason for the smile that had crept up the corners of her mouth.

I did a 180, coming face to face with Drew. The first thing I did was stare him in his eyes. Oh how I missed those eyes! They had a magical and hypnotic feel to them. I could lose myself forever in his eyes. The next thing to catch my eye was his smile -- warm and full of happiness. I had missed that too. Then I zoomed out, and took in his whole face. Damn, big mistake. Everything I had felt before resurfaced, and even some new feelings began creeping their way into my being.

Sensing my emotions, and wanting to leave before anything happened in public that shouldn't, I bid Michelle goodbye, and we headed out to the van. He had reserved an arcade, he told me; bought it out for the night. The guys were already there, chillin' and relaxing. We were meeting up with them.

We were silent for the first ten minutes of the ride. I was still nervous -- my little talk with Michelle had calmed me a bit, but not completely. Nothing was said, apparently Drew was a little uncomfortable too, so we just glanced at each other. He was even afraid to touch me, but that made me respect him even more.

Finally I realised how stupid we were being, not even talking. Sure, we'd left on bad terms, but we could put those behind us, couldn't we? "So, the cat's dead and the dog pissed in my boots, eh?"

He started laughing. "You actually said it? I can't believe it!"

"Well, that's what you told me to say. I thought for sure Michelle was going to call somebody to take me away when I said it."

"Michelle? Who's that?"

"You don't even know the receptionist's name?"

"Oh... she's the receptionist?"

"Clueless!" I teased, putting my index finger in the middle of his forehead and pushing his head back. He just laughed his adorable laugh, making me laugh in turn. It was at that moment that I knew how much I really had missed him. That wave of realisation washing over me, brought out my perma-grin.

"What are you so smiley about?" he asked, noticing my grin.

"Just thinking."

"Bout what?"

"I just realised how much I missed you."

The rest of the ride was silent. As I pulled in a parking space, Drew quickly jumped out of the van and rushed inside, a little too quickly. It kinda had me curious, and even a tad worried. But I shook it off; tonight was going to be a good night, and that's there was to it.

I walked in the door, and everything was black. And me, being the dunce that I am, began feeling around the walls for a light switch. Talk about being dumb, eh? I then asked myself out loud, "Where are the lights?"

"You want the lights?" someone responded. I couldn't help but notice that person sounded as dumb as I felt at the moment.

"Yeah. Of course." I said, stating the obvious.

No sooner had the words passed my lips, the lights came on, and people jumped out from everywhere screaming "Surprise!!" You can imagine the look of shock on my face. I wasn't expecting anything like this. I looked up at a banner reading `Congrats on your success and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!'

A questioning look fell over my face. It wasn't my birthday, that had passed almost two and a half months ago. "What's this for?"

Finally, Drew emerged from the crowd, composed of my friends, the guys, and even some of their friends. Now I knew why he rushed in, but it still didn't explain anything for me. "Well, you know I would've loved to celebrate your graduation, and birthday with you. More than anything I wanted to, but it just wasn't possible. So, here we are, gonna celebrate your success, and your birthday!"

It all made sense now, but I still thought it was too much. "You know, this is really sweet, but you didn't have to."

"I know," he said, pulling me into the crowd. "Now I gotta introduce you to a couple of our friends." He dragged me over to group of people. Of course, I knew who they were, but I didn't want to spoil his moment. "This is Justin, Chris, Joey, JC, and Lance," he said, introducing the guys from *N SYNC. I kinda blushed at the end, when he came to Lance. It had only been like an hour or two ago that I'd been doing my laundry, and reading that story about him, and now here I was, meeting him face to face.

They each said their own salutations -- Lance's noticeably longer than the others. I always sorta had a crush on Lance. He was the cutest in *N SYNC as far as I was concerned. I never understood what people saw in JC or Justin; Lance was the hottie of the group, and there was no questioning it. Remembering that Drew was right beside me, I stopped my gawking, and left Lance behind as Drew continued introducing me to people.

A few hours into the party, Drew pulled me aside, into the hall of the arcade. My dislodging from the crowded main room into the calm hall allowed me to reflect on the night so far. The party was great; I loved it. And I also couldn't help but love Drew more because of it. Thinking of Drew brought me back to where I was, and I focused my gaze upon him. He was looking back at me, and his eyes once again began to hypnotise me; mesmerising me once again. But instead of telling me to sleep, Drew instead whispered "I missed you too," before leaning in to kiss me. The kiss started out unsure, turned passionate and somewhat erotic.

As we were kissing, and as luck would have it, Maria finally showed up to the party, opening the door and walking in on our kiss. "Oh my... I'll leave you two alone." She quickly ran out the door, obviously upset.

"Maria!" I yelled after her. The only reply I got was the slamming of the door. I ran out after her, only to see Maria get in her car and speed off. She was in no condition to drive, so I began to worry. Drew and I rushed to my van, and started our pursuit, following her. Her car was swerving back and forth on the road, and I couldn't help but feel scared. I tried calling her car phone a couple of times but she wouldn't answer. After the third time, I hung up my phone just in time to look up and see her swerve into an oncoming car. Her car flipped up into the air, then tumbled down, rolling over a number of times before coming to a halt upside down in the middle of the road.

I slammed on my brakes, and pulled over to the side of the road. Then I jumped out of the van and rushed to Maria's car. "Maria! Maria! Can you hear me?" I screamed.

No answer.

"Maria? Please!" I was now at the driver's side, and looked in, I saw Maria. All I could really make out, before I was in tears, was how much she was bleeding. Drew came up beside me, and knelt down beside the car. He started talking to her, and even though I couldn't hear anything coming from her, he could.

"Now Maria, are you hurting anywhere?" She said something inaudible, but Drew understood.

"Maria, I'm going to try and pull you out. If you hurt at all, while I'm pulling on you, you let me know." His voice was full of heart, and I knew he truly felt bad for the situation.

As Drew was pulling her out, he asked me to kneel down and help him out. "Try not to move her neck -- it can cause serious damage." Drew's EMT skills, mysteriously lacking when I had hurt my nose, kicked in and he was doing everything he could.

When we had pulled her out, I remembered the other vehicle. I ran over to check on them, and thankfully they were basically fine, just really shook up. Drew had called for help before taking over the situation. The people from the other car tried to help with Maria as much as they could. There was really nothing that we could do until the paramedics arrived, except for all the tests Drew was performing on her.

The fire trucks were the first to show up; they always were around here. The trained professionals took over the situation as Drew explained his status as an EMT and his diagnostics on Maria so far. Finally, the ambulance arrived, and, after she was carefully loaded in, I rode with Maria to the hospital. Drew followed behind in my van. I was scared. I looked down at Maria on the gurney, looking at the tubes going into her, and the blood... the blood was just disgusting.

After arriving at the hospital, Maria was rushed into the emergency room while I was ushered into a waiting room. Not long after, Drew came into the waiting room, and sat down in a seat next to me. He wrapped his arms around me, rubbing his hands up and down my back trying to console me. I really appreciated his gestures.

Soon enough, a doctor came in, asking for "Drew Lachey" to follow him. With a questioning look, and some reassurances that he'd be right back, Drew followed the doctor down a couple of hallways and out of sight. As soon as he was out of sight, I lost it. The tears that had stopped while Drew was holding me came flooding back, falling down my cheeks like waterfalls. A lady sitting in the waiting room noticed this and came over to sit next to me.

"You know, I was sitting over there, and couldn't help but notice that you could use someone right now."

Her voice shook me out of my misery, and I turned to look at her. I blinked back the tears, getting the blurriness to disappear. She had the most beautiful smile, and most welcoming eyes I've ever seen a stranger possess. "Yeah... yeah, I could. Thanks."

"Hey, no problem. Looking at you, I can tell you'd do the same if I was in your position."

"I'm not so sure about that."

"Oh, but I am. You're Drew, the one that does those fun days with those kids, right? You know, like the one you did in Hunt Club last month?"

"Yeah, that's me." I replied, surprised that she knew who I was.

"See, then you'd do the same; I know you would. So what's got you so upset, if you don't mind me asking."

"Well, my girlfriend, Maria, the one who helps me do those fun days, well, she got in a car accident tonight, and she's not doing too good the last I heard." Tears started to well up again.

This kind lady hugged me tight, "I'm so sorry. It's so sad. I hope everything turns out alright."

"So do I. If it doesn't, I'll blame myself forever!"

"Why should you blame yourself? You weren't the one driving, were you?" she asked, curious as to why I'd blame myself.

"Well, she kinda saw something that upset her and stormed off. I tried to stop her, but she got in her car and sped off. I followed her and tried calling her a couple of times, but she wouldn't answer. Next thing I know, her car was flying through the air and then rolling down the road."

"Let me guess what she saw: You and him kissing." She said motioning in the direction Drew had just went in.

My eyes widened, and my face went white as a ghost. Fear was written clearly on my face; I was scared, not for me, for Drew. This could ruin his, and the guys', career.

"Don't worry, I'll keep my mouth shut. It's just so easy to see. I saw the way he was looking at you, like he wanted to make everything better but was afraid to let his feelings be seen. I saw how he wanted to pull you closer. And I saw his love for you in his eyes. And, I can tell you feel the same, cause right now you're afraid for him... and his career."

Her last comment scared me even more. She knew who he was; great, just great. Just my luck. "Don't worry, like I said, I know to keep my mouth shut, and I wouldn't dream of hurting someone with such a kind and open heart like you. You've done wonders for some of the kids here, I wouldn't even dream of causing you any more pain."

I clung to her as I hugged her tight. I couldn't take all these kind words without breaking down. I was a very sentimental person, and in times of pain and sorrow, it was even worse. "Thank you, thank you so much!"

Just then, Drew returned. He must have noted my subtle change in mood as well. He came over, introduced himself, and then asked me to follow him. After a few steps, he told me to wait for him at the corner down the hall, and that he'd catch up with me. I had no clue what he was doing, but decided I should follow his instructions. He knew what he was doing, right?

I got to the corner and let my thoughts wander as I waited for Drew. I hated hospitals; they had this smell to them I can't describe. All I can really say, is that it makes me sick to my stomach. When I thought I couldn't take anymore, I felt a hand on my back, pushing me forward, "Sorry to keep you waiting, just had to do something first." Drew's voice was calm and soothing.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"Maria's room. She asked to see you."

I followed Drew all the way to Maria's room. As we reached the door, I was hesitant to walk in. I was afraid that the minute Maria saw me, she'd freak out or something. I stopped dead in my tracks, afraid to open the door. "What's wrong Andrew?" Drew asked from behind me.

"I... I... I can't... I hur... I... I hurt her so bad."

"She wants to see you. C'mon." He pushed me aside, opened the door, grabbed my hand, and pulled me in the room. What I saw made my knees weak. Maria was ghost white, and tubes were going in her body in so many places. The waterfalls started again. I had thought my body was out of tears to cry, but apparently I was wrong.

"Carino?" Maria's voice was still as soft as ever, but hoarse and full of pain. No matter what she said, I was to blame for that pain. I was the cause.

"Yes Maria." I said, as I gathered every ounce of strength to move myself closer. I grabbed her hand; it was cold. I gasped as I touched it, and knew she had to be in intense and indescribable pain. "Baby, I'm so sorry." My tears were now dripping onto her hand.

"It's OK, I understand." Her voice seemed to have lost the energy it had when I first walked in. Her breathing had slowed an awful lot. I had a sinking feeling it wouldn't be long.

"Maria, I love you."

"I... I... I... know." And she was gone. That was it, her final words. As the final syllable escaped her lips, the heart monitor flat lined and began to beep a monotonous beep. That tone would linger in my ears for a long time afterwards. Doctors began to rush into the room, and Drew tried to pull me away. With one last kiss to her hand, I repeated my final three words to her, and reluctantly left the room in Drew's arms.

The second I was in the hall, I was on the floor, with Drew kneeling beside me. I couldn't hold it in any longer; my body wouldn't let me. I was in extreme agony, and misery. I bawled on the floor, Drew right there beside me the whole time.

I don't know how long I was there, but the next thing I knew, I was awaking alone in a strange bed. I turned my head and took in the room. It was a hotel room; It had be Drew's. I slipped out of the bed, and looked around the room. I couldn't see anyone else. I checked the bathroom; no one was there. `Where is Drew?' I asked myself. Finally I came upon a note he left on the table:

Andrew, I'm in Nick's room, room 418. It's across the hall. I thought you could use some space. When you wake up, come over. We'll be awake. I hope you're holding up.

Drew

The letter was short and sweet, and straight to the point. I had to go across the hall, so that's what I did. I didn't even bother to shower; I figured they'd already seen me in my worst times of the morning before, so I didn't really care much. I opened the door, walked across the hall, and knocked on Nick's door.

After a couple of seconds, the door opened, revealing Nick. Opening his arms, he pulled me into a hug and again I felt safe. He was whispering in my ear how it was good to see me, and how he was sorry for my loss. I tried to brush it off as nothing, but the tears betrayed me. Truthfully, I was really glad that I was in his arms again, in his company. I missed the guys, and knew I'd really need them in the days to follow.

Pulling me inside the room, the other guys got up to embrace me. Jeff was the first. He pulled me tightly into a hug, and said his condolences. Somehow Jeff was always able to be so sincere and loving, and for that I was grateful. Justin was next, and though we weren't really that close, his candour was truly appreciated. Drew followed, pulling me into the tightest hug I've ever felt. His strong arms around me made me feel like I was never going to be hurt again. He just asked me how I was doing, and made sure I knew that he was there for me.

I sat down on the sofa, as Drew left to get something. He went to the mini bar, and pulled out a glass of orange juice. "Um... I thought you could use this... and... I kinda have something to give you."

He passed me the OJ, and pulled an envelope out the back pocket of his khakis. The front of the envelope had `Drew' written across it in Drew's writing. With confusion written across my face, I opened it. The envelope contained a letter written in Drew's handwriting. It was clear that he was crying when he wrote this -- there were blotches scattered about the page. "It's from Maria." Drew explained.

Tears welled up in my eyes, as I read the beginning,

Dear Carino,

TBC...