Warning: This story doesn't contain any sex. It's the story of gay teens. None of the characters are based on real people, nor are they meant to resemble any living or dead people.
Let me know what you think of the story by emailing me at Hnstskr4@aol.com
I want to thank everyone who has emailed. I also want to thank those who have read the story. It means a lot hearing from you. Please continue reading! There is a lot more to come. I own all rights to this story. Chuck B.
I've got such a great response to the story and would love to hear from everyone who reads it.
I'm using a different technique for writing this story, so if you don't like it, let me know, or if you really like it, let me know that, too.
Thanks Pete!
Copyright © 2010, 2011
This Is Seth
Chapter 11
It's A Phase
The next day around 5:00 pm the phone rings. Mom sets the phone down and then gets Paul to get Ryan and go upstairs. She then went and got Dad out of the little office area that my mom and he use.
"Grandma is on the phone. I told her that I needed to finish something really quick. I am going to place her on speaker phone because I want the two of to hear what she has to say." She pushed the phone to speakerphone.
"Hi Mom!" My mom said to my Grandma.
"I called because I felt inspired to call and remind you that what Seth is going through is just a phase."
Can't believe she said that about me.
"All I can say is that after seven years, it is hardly a phase."
I said it quietly not thinking that anyone could hear me. Dad looked at me and whispered:
"Tell her!"
He also pointed to the phone. Before I could say what I was told to tell her, Mom said something:
"Mom, I put you on speakerphone and I have Charles and Seth in the room because I wanted Seth to be here to say whatever, he thinks he needs to say."
Now, Grandma was quiet. It was like she knew that I was going to say something to her.
"Grandma, if my being gay is just a phase, then it's been an awfully long seven years."
I didn't expect her to make a comment back to me, but she did.
"Maybe, you haven't prayed hard enough or fasted long enough."
"I've prayed and fasted about it multiple times."
I'm hoping that Grandma will just give up on it. Maybe she just isn't thinking about what's coming from her mouth. What she did to Uncle Tim was wrong! Right now, may not be the best time to tell her, but I'm going to anyway.
"Grandma, I think what you did to Uncle Tim was wrong."
"What I did to your Uncle Tim was out of love for him, your mom and everyone else in the family.
I can't believe she calls turning her back on a child, love.
"You've told that lie to yourself so many times, that now you believe it," I told her. Mom suddenly looked angry.
"I hated you for doing that to Tim."
I was sort of glad that Mom expressed her anger to Grandma. Dad immediately came over to Mom and gave her a kiss. I really wasn't expecting Grandma to reply back to Mom, but I should have known that she would.
"Guess, you didn't understand then, and you don't understand any better now. My grandson isn't gay, Dawn. He just can't be gay."
Okay, I've heard enough.
"Grandma, I'm gay and you have no control over it. Now, my decision to not serve a mission has nothing to do with my parents or anyone else. If you decide to treat me like you treated Uncle Tim, that's fine with me."
I had to put it out there like that because Grandma was making my mom feel like crap. There was nothing but silence, both in our living room and on the phone.
"Seth, I don't hate you, but you've made the choice to go against the Lord, so yes I'm going to ask that until you pass through this phase, that you stay away."
Wow!
"Fine!"
I decided that if she doesn't want me around that is fine with me. I just don't understand how anyone can be so cold. I got up from where I was sitting and went up to my room. A little wetness is starting to form in my eyes. My reason for leaving the living room was so that my Grandma wouldn't hear me cry. Right now, I just really need a friend.
Only Paige can fill the gap right now. Grabbing my phone, my fingers quickly dialed her number. Sadly, she didn't answer her phone. Well, I'll just have to fill her in later. I wiped my eyes and got off my bed. I grabbed my journal and a pen, then laid myself out on the floor to write. I'm not sure this will help, but let's hope it does.
My pen hit a blank line on the page, and instantly my pen took on a life of its own.
"Today, Grandma Walker called to ask about my mission funding. We told her about my decision and my reasoning behind it. I just can't believe that she honestly thinks that I'm stuck in some crazy phase. Bottom line here is that she has decided to do the same thing to me that she did to Uncle Tim." I wasn't crying when I started this entry, but I am now.
I hate when I don't go right away to write my feelings out because then things end up getting all messed up. Closing my journal, I took a deep breath and then got up to put it back on the shelf. Now, I need to empty this shell of its emotions. I laid down on my bed and immediately let the pain empty out into my pillow. When I felt the pain subside, I figured that I needed to call someone and vent. Flipping through my phonebook, my eyes caught sight of Devin's number.
For the second time today, my fingers dialed the number of a friend.
"Hello?"
Guess he's not looking at the Caller ID.
"It's Seth, dude! Hey, you got a minute?"
Hope he does, because I really need an ear. Devin rarely gets to hear this end of things.
"Yeah, I got time. What's going on buddy?"
Okay, time to dry my eyes again. Another guy doesn't want to hear me crying.
"My Grandma rejected me."
"Rejected you, why?"
I keep asking that myself. Right now, I am feeling kind of low.
"It's the whole "gay" thing. You would think she's afraid of catching it or something. She really believes that kicking people out of your life is an okay thing to do."
"Keep in mind that she's old. Gays didn't come out of the closet as much back then."
Okay, that didn't exactly sound right, but I know what he means.
"So was this one of those `don't come over till you're cured' talks?"
Boy did Devin nail this one on the head.
"Yeah, pretty much! I mean forget the fact that I'm not having sex. Let's just kick me out and be done with it that's her way of dealing with it."
"Hmmm... sounds to me like she doesn't care for it. Man, Seth, I'm sorry that your Grandma is like that. Seth, got to run! Take care! Oh one last thing, there is nothing wrong with you. Tell her to get over it."
Devin is completely right.
It's weird how talking to someone just makes you feel okay. In that short little conversation, I went from blah to okay. Devin is gifted, that's for sure. It's no wonder Paige likes him. He's an all around good guy. Devin is awesome! He's one of those people who seem to be happy all the time.
There was a time in my life where I thought that being gay would pass. I thought it would go away with prayer and fasting. Slowly, I realized that it wasn't going to go away. I'm still not liking it all the time, but I'm realizing that it's okay to be gay. Honestly, I don't know how anyone can believe that it's a phase. I just don't get my Grandma. Dad is now standing in my doorway.
He looks sad for some reason.
"Seth, you okay?"
He must be worried about me.
"Yeah, I'm doing alright."
All I needed was a chance to calm down. Don't like dealing with anything with a head full of steam.
"I wanted to talk with you for just a little bit," Dad said to me.
"Cool!"
Watch me get all sad and stressed again. Right now, I'm feeling okay for someone who was told to stay away by his grandma.
"Seth, Grandma Walker doesn't hate you, but she's having issues separating the idea of you being gay from you."
Hmmm... maybe my parents aren't as accepting as I thought. Careful, Seth, don't jump to any conclusions.
"Dad, either way, she doesn't want me around; that means no Thanksgiving, no Christmas, and no Easter."
No, I'm not feeling my best. How can she do that to me?
"Look Seth, you've got to give her time. She could come around at any time."
Personally, I think that I'm in this for the long haul. I don't see my Grandma giving up so easily.
"Dad, do you really believe that she'll come around?"
Not a word left his mouth! He seems to be choosing his words carefully.
"No son, I don't!"
"Dad, why didn't you say that to begin with?"
I don't get my dad at all.
"Well, I wanted to keep you thinking positive."
"I appreciate you doing that, but I would like your honesty too."
Dad patted my back.
"Okay son!"
Dad got up and left my room without saying a thing. Don't know if I feel any better or not. Wish Scottie would talk to me. It would really be nice to have someone to hang with.
One thing I loved about Scottie was that we could have fun just about anywhere. We could talk about just about anything. There was nothing that Scottie and I did that went against the church. We could take a boring day and find something fun to do. Everyone had fun around us. They simply didn't have a choice. We were just a couple of super outgoing guys. Now, I'm back to feeling stressed. I need to calm down.
Exercise seems to be the only thing that calms me down. I stripped down to my boxers and lay down on the floor. Think I'll do some crunches. There is nothing like working my muscles to relax me. It's a great way to clear my head. It gives me a chance to think about my life.
My life as a gay teen hasn't been easy, but it could be worse. I haven't been kicked out of my home. My siblings still love me. One set of grandparents still loves me and wants me around. I just don't see how a teen without support makes it. My Uncle Tim is a good example. He went through his teen years without support. Lately, I feel like my life is starting to change. I've had good experiences coming out and now there seems to be an equal amount of bad experiences. Out of nowhere comes the voice that always cheers me up.
Ryan, my little brother, is coming up the stairs calling my name. He is my little shadow at times. There are days that he's with me from the time I get home until his bed time. He is now standing in front of my game console.
"Seth, can I play?"
I know he's not going to tear it up so I pull out his favorite game and put it in for him. He doesn't care about winning the game as much as he does just playing it. With Ryan, it's about spending some time with the coolest guy he knows. He is my buddy that's for sure. His laugh or smile can change my mood from sad to happy in no time. He has always had that effect on me. Don't know why. At dinner, his chair has to be next to mine. Sometimes, it's annoying, but it's awesome knowing that he loves me. Guess I'm lucky to have him in my life. Mom called up the stairs to tell me that it's dinner time. Ryan set the controller down and went to wash his hands. I got dressed and followed right behind him.
Dinner is done and Dad has taken Ryan to brush his teeth, but a thought smacked me in the face. I want to pass it by Mom. First though, I need to load the dishwasher. Mom just happens to be in the kitchen when I entered it.
"Mom, are you worried about the example that I'm setting for Ryan?"
She gives me this weird look and then goes back to doing whatever she is doing. There isn't a sound from her for a minute and a half.
"Do you smoke, use drugs, drink, belong to a gang, gamble, look at porn, commit crimes?"
"The answer to all of those is no."
Mom smiled because she already knew the answer.
"If I was worried about it, you would know about it. Does this have to do with you being gay?"
Guess, I can't hide it.
"Yeah!"
Mom reaches out and slaps me. It wasn't enough to hurt me, but enough to just get a quick jab in. She laughed and then stepped away from the sink.
"Seth, I know you didn't choose to be gay. I've seen your battle from day one. Personally, I couldn't be prouder of you."
Wow... does she know how to make a guy feel good about himself?
"Thanks Mom!" I said as I gave her a hug.
I left the kitchen after doing my chore and retired to my room. Even with knowing about Mom's feelings towards my example, I'm bothered slightly. I'm worried that my sibs will follow my example of not serving a mission. There are no sins being committed, so I'm not worried about that. I just don't want to set a bad example for them to follow.