Warning: This story doesn't contain any sex. It's the story of gay teens. None of the characters are based on real people nor are they meant to resemble any living or dead people.
Let me know what you think of the story by emailing me at Hnstskr4@aol.com
I want to thank everyone who has emailed. I also want to thank those who have read the story. It means a lot hearing from you. Please continue reading! There is a lot more to come. I own all rights to this story. Chuck B.
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Copyright © 2010
Characters Mentioned In This Chapter Seth - Seth is the main character. He is 17 at the start of this story. Scottie Westbrook age 18 friend of Seth's Paige = Paige Taylor 17 friend of Seth's Devin Schultz - 17 Paige's B/F
Chapter 5 Confronted By Paige
March 2, 2009
I was sitting in our living room, just relaxing a little bit, when there was a knock at the door.
"Seth, can you answer the door please?" Mom called out to me from the kitchen.
I got up from the rocking chair and got to the door.
"Hello?"
I have gotten into the habit of never opening the door without first knowing who is on the other side. I feel a little safer doing it that way.
"It's me doofus, open up."
Sounds like Paige! I opened the door and sure enough, Paige was standing out on the front porch.
"We need to talk!"
"Well, we can go to the backyard and talk."
I didn't think Mom would be likely to interrupt us if we went to the backyard. I could see this taking a while, so I lead the way to the deck. As she sat down on the deck, I caught a glimpse of her face. She looks so serious and I know that I'm in trouble. As soon as I sat down, she spoke up with a question.
"I know that something is going on, so what is it?"
"Nothing is going on!" I answered her, hoping she would forget about it, as usual. The expression on her face told me that Paige hadn't bought my excuse.
"Come on, Seth Thompson, you don't expect me to believe you, do you? So answer this one then, why are you avoiding Scottie?" she said, giving me a look that just said "Yeah right!"
"I'm not avoiding Scottie. I've just been busy and so has he."
Now she not only looked serious, but she looked upset.
"You're lying to me, Seth."
Paige is right, I am lying to her. All this hiding and lying is starting to really get uncomfortable. The question running through my mind right now is... can I trust her?
Why do I find myself constantly asking "What ifs"? It seems like that is all I'm doing lately. I don't know if I can trust Paige to keep my secret sealed up inside her mind. Will she end up telling Devin? Who will Devin tell? Guess I'm a bad person for even lying to my friends and family. Can I sit here and even come up with another lie to satisfy Paige's mind? I still don't want to tell her another lie. The lies only lead to more cover ups which cause more lies to be told. Once I tell her, will she even accept me? I've known her for so long and I don't want to lose her. She has been my friend for what seems like forever. I really have no choice but to tell her. In order to tell her why I'm avoiding Scottie, I have to come out to her first. I also have to tell her about the dream. If she does tell someone, how bad could it really get? I don't think with my build that I need to worry about bullies. Might have to deal with name calling, but I don't think there will be too much taunting going on at school. The part that scares me is the news coming back to Mom and Dad, now that could be a real problem. She won't leave the yard until I tell her something that makes sense to her. I can't lie to her anymore. I flat out refuse to lie to her.
I need to tell her what's going on.
"Paige before I tell you why I've been avoiding Scottie, I have something else to say."
Even though, I am on the verge of telling her, I still don't know what to say to her. Guess it's best to just say it.
"Paige, I'm gay."
She's smiling so that is a good sign, right?
"Can you say that again?"
Why is she asking me to repeat what I just said?
"I'm gay!"
"That makes sense to me now."
Weird, I wonder if she'll say something nasty. We're both sitting here in silence. She appears to be deep in thought.
"Seth, why didn't you tell me sooner?"
Ouch, I didn't expect her to go that route with me.
"I was afraid that I would lose you."
She gave me a hug and then said, "You won't ever lose me."
Suddenly, I was overcome with warmth. I felt empowered now to tell others.
"Just start being honest with me, okay?"
I don't think that I'll ever lie to her again.
"I'll be honest with you from now on."
"So now, what do you have to tell me about Scottie?"
Now I can start officially sweating. I hope that in recounting this that I don't get aroused in front of Paige.
"I had a dream where he kissed me."
She looked shocked and surprised.
"Are you serious?"
Why on Earth would I make this up?
"Yeah, I'm serious! It's so bad that whenever I think about the dream or see him, I sort of get hard?"
"Wow? tmi buddy." She laughed and then went quiet.
"I just don't want him to see me that way. It would be kind of hard to explain why my soldier suddenly stood at attention."
She blushed and at the same time, I found myself smiling inside. I'm just afraid that he'll put things together if he catches me with an erection. He just might be a little shocked to say the least. Yeah? it has been really bugging me. So what am I supposed to do?
Paige looked at me and got ready to speak.
"You know that you can't avoid him forever."
"I know and I'm trying to deal with it."
She took my hand and smiled brightly. I found myself smiling.
"We'll get through this together. Don't you worry about it."
Guess I don't need to worry about her telling anyone else.
Paige isn't the type to just walk away from a conversation. I know she is about to drop something else on me to keep me on my toes.
"So are you going to come out to anyone else any time soon?"
"Right now, I'm too tired to be coming out to anyone else. I'm not exactly ready to face my parents just yet."
She has a habit of kicking my thoughts into overdrive. Maybe, I should come out to someone while my mind is red hot.
"I know that I've said this about Scottie, but I think it holds true here too, you're going to have to tell your parents someday."
Not really looking forward to that day. My uncle has made it pretty clear that Mom might be okay with my sexual orientation, but what about Dad? Will he take it okay? I wonder what that day will be like.
"I want to come all the way out of the closet, but I'm just scared."
I have to admit, it was pretty easy to actually say the words to Paige. Is there really anything to truly fear in coming out? Paige made it really easy to come out to her. While I was scared big time, things ended up pretty good.
"So, were you scared to come out to me?"
I thought I had already answered this question, but I'll answer it again.
"Yeah, I was scared to come out to you."
She smiled and in a heartbeat, I already knew what she was going to say next.
"You didn't need to be scared of me."
"I guess you're right!"
She didn't stop there either.
"In the end, you didn't lose me and you won't lose anyone else either. If you do lose someone, then they didn't count to begin with."
Now, it is my turn to hug her!
"Thanks Paige! Do you really think that Scottie will be okay with me?"
"Your friendship is way too strong to lose him."
She seems pretty confident, but I can't help feeling a bit skeptical myself. So how do I tell him? How do I tell him without him freaking out on me?
"So how do I tell him?"
"Well, honesty always works."
Leave it to Paige to focus on honesty. Okay, I can do honest.
"But how honest do I have to be? Do I tell him about the dream?"
She didn't need to think very hard on this one.
"No? leave the dream out."
The way she said it makes it seem like it would be common sense not to tell him. Guess it just proves that I'm not very smart after all. I'm already feeling anxious and Scottie isn't even here.
"Look Seth, if it helps, I can be there when you tell him."
Having someone else there would help me feel a little bit more at ease. Maybe, Scottie won't attack me if someone else is there to stop him. Though, I doubt that Paige could physically stop Scottie if he decided to come after me.
"I don't feel right telling him."
"Look, how many years have you gone to church? How long have you known Scottie? I think it's because you're afraid that Scottie will turn his back on you and then out you to the entire church. Am I right?"
As usual she's batting a thousand.
"Yeah? you're right."
She just winked at me. A part of me still feels like telling him is going to be a mistake. Maybe, I've read other people's negative coming out stories. It's a fear that has built up over time. Maybe, I should just put my trust in our friendship.
"I need to split. Let me know when you're ready to tell him and I'll come over."
Paige gave me a hug and then walked out of the yard.
I sat there and watched her leave before heading back into the house. I'm returning to my room a little less scared. Coming out to her was way too easy. I was thinking that it would be horrid and that at least one of us would end up in tears. Now for the big question, do I come out to my parents or to Scottie next? I think? I think that I'll try Scottie next. Suddenly, it hit me like a ton of bricks.
Paige was right, then again, she's almost always right. If I keep this lie going, it will just hurt more. Scottie has a right to know, but I'm also keenly aware that I'm treading on thin ice. After all, he does attend the same church and that could spell trouble. It would end up being his word against mine. One word on his part would finish me. I could say bye-bye to myself.
Last week, I got online and went digging for advice. One guy suggested coming out to your friends and then your family. I really think that is what I'm going to do. I'm going to wait a little bit to tell Scottie though. There is no sense in rushing it. Devin needs to know too. I don't think he'll make a big deal out of it. He seems pretty open minded. The big question on my mind is can I reveal myself to Scottie without admitting my crush on him? I sure hope that I can. It would just make life a little harder otherwise. It certainly would add pressure to our friendship. You know what? I can deal with him not knowing about my feelings towards him. You thought Scottie and I would make an awesome couple. We already know everything there is to know about each other. Scottie would never, ever go for it. I'm still worried about our friendship. I'm afraid he'll walk away. Mom and Dad will have to know at some point. I certainly can't keep them in the dark forever. More than anyone else, their reaction scares me. I'm afraid what they might say or do. What it boils down to is that I can't live in fear forever.