Disclaimer: I have an overactive imagination, the result of which is this story. I do not know Clay Aiken or any other celebrities mentioned in this story, and I do not intend to imply anything about their true sexualities. Simply file this in the "Wouldn't it be nice...?" portion of your mind. Also, if you are under legal age to be reading this sort of stuff (18 in most areas), then leave now. All the rest of you who ARE of age, please enjoy my little mind trip away from the land of reality.
CHAPTER 8
I couldn't believe what I had just seen, yet I couldn't pretend I hadn't seen it, either. The best option in my mind at that point was to bolt. I just wanted to run away. So I did.
"Uh...sorry to have...interrupted..." I said, and ran out the door. I got in the car and drove to Lee's house in a state of shock. I don't think my expression changed a bit from the second I saw Clay and Paula kissing to when I pulled into Lee's driveway.
I ran to the door and rang the doorbell. When Lee didn't answer right away, I rang again. I did this over and over until he finally answered the door. When I think back on it, I could see that he looked upset, but I was way too preoccupied to notice at that point. I walked right past him and into his living room.
"I can't believe it! How could he?! How could SHE?! How could I?!" I ranted. I was pacing the floor of the living room.
"Whoa, Randy! Back up! What happened?" Lee asked, concerned.
I told him everything, from the photo shoot flirting to my conversation with Kim to the horrible dinner with Paula. By the time I recounted the story, I was furious.
"I can't believe I didn't see the signs! He was totally flirting with her as much as she was flirting with him! When I told him she was flirting with him, he got all dreamy-eyed! And he barely tried to include me in the conversation at dinner! ARGH! I'm so stupid!"
"Randy," Lee said, putting his hand on my shoulder, "You are not stupid. There's a chance you might be overreacting, but you're not stupid."
"Overreacting? How?"
"Well, think about the kiss," Lee started.
"Ugh, thanks, this is making me feel so much better..."
"Just stay with me here," Lee said. "Think about the kiss. Did it look like he was kissing back?"
"I don't know," I honestly told him. "I didn't exactly stick around to watch the show."
"That's understandable," he said. "Just keep that in mind."
"I guess," I said. "I still feel stupid."
"Again, you're not stupid. You're just...in love, perhaps?" Lee said cautiously.
I thought about what Lee had just said. "You're right," I said, finally. My voice started to waver. "This is a helluva time to be realizing that, huh?"
"C'mere," said Lee, and he pulled me into a huge hug. "I know this seems bad right now, but I have a feeling things will be alright."
"Thanks, Lee," I said, pulling away and looking at him. It was then that I realized that his eyes were red and puffy, like he had been crying earlier. "Hey!" I said. "What's wrong?"
"Oh, it's silly," said Lee.
"Nonsense," I said. "You don't get upset over silly stuff."
"It's just that Ryan told me he'd call, and he hasn't yet." He sat down on the couch. I sat down next to him and put my arm around him.
"That's not silly," I told him. "I know how much you like him, and how much you really want him to call. But you have to realize, it's only been one day. It may SEEM like it's been forever, but it hasn't been long at all. Give him time."
"Yeah, I suppose you're right," he said. He still looked really depressed.
"Besides," I told him with a smirk, "If I recall, it takes a while to recover from a night with you." BAM! That did the trick. Lee smiled despite himself.
"You're damn right!" he said. We both sat back on the couch. Lee sighed loudly, and the depressed look returned. I concurred.
"Is it just me," I asked, "or did this conversation not really help either of us?"
"Not really," he agreed. "But I do appreciate your trying."
"Same goes to you," I said. "I have an idea." I got up and went into Lee's kitchen.
"Oh?" he asked, curious. "Should I be scared?"
I returned with a bottle of wine and two glasses. "A toast," I said, opening the bottle of wine. "To the men in our lives. May they realize how idiotic they are being!"
Lee laughed. "Here's to stupidity!" He poured the wine, and we clinked our glasses together. We spent the next few hours talking...commiserating...bitching...whining. By the time the (quite large) bottle of wine was finished, we both felt much better. After that much alcohol, you'd be feeling pretty damn good too!
"Mmm, I'm sleepy," said Lee. I yawned in agreement. When I stood up, however, it became obvious that I was in no shape to drive home.
"Wow," he said. "You'd better crash on the couch."
"That's fine," I told him. "I don't really wanna go home anyway. Clay might be there, and I don't feel like talking to him yet."
Lee fetched me a spare pillow and blanket, and helped me make up the couch. I laid down and tried to get to sleep. That proved difficult, however, because I kept thinking about what had happened. Yes, there was a chance - probably a fairly good chance - that it was all a misunderstanding. Like I had said earlier, I didn't see much, and I certainly didn't ask any questions. Maybe Clay wasn't kissing back. However, I kept thinking back to when we were talking about Paula's crush on him. That look in his eyes bugged me. It wasn't necessarily an interested look, but more of an intrigued look. Almost as if Clay was considering what it would be like to be with someone like Paula instead of me. The sad thing was, I don't know that I could blame him. Lee was right - I was falling in love with him. I wasn't quite there yet, but I knew it was only a matter of time. And so, I decided what I needed most was answers. I wasn't going to let myself fall in love with someone who didn't feel the same way about me. I needed to talk to Clay.
Needless to say, I didn't get a whole lot of sleep that night. I finally managed to get to sleep after a LOT of tossing and turning, brought on by both my thoughts and Lee's uncomfortable couch. When I woke up, I smelled eggs and bacon. I smiled, got up, and went to the kitchen.
"Morning! I figured you might be hungry, so I thought I'd cook," said Lee.
"Awesome! Smells great!" I told him. I helped him by setting the table, while he brought the food over.
"So," said Lee, "are you going to talk to Clay today?"
"Yes," I said firmly. While we ate, I told him about my train of thought the previous night. Lee agreed that I needed to talk to Clay and find out where he stood with the relationship. We talked and ate for the better part of an hour, after which I decided that I should probably head home and prepare to face the music. With a big hug and good luck wishes from both sides, we said our goodbyes.
When I arrived home, I checked my email - just junk. I then sat down, and continued to think. For the first time, it really hit me that Clay might not feel the same way about me.
Our relationship may have seemed like something he wanted, but maybe he was starting to realize that he really could do better - with a woman, perhaps. I had thought all along that this was too good to be true - but that's just an expression...
Right?
I started to cry. Then I kept thinking about it, and the crying turned to sobbing. I couldn't believe that the best thing in my life was slipping away.
There was a knock at the door. "That must be Clay," I thought. Steeling myself, I opened the door...
"Paula!" I exclaimed, surprised to see her standing there. I was so surprised, in fact, that I didn't even try to stop her when she walked into my apartment.
"Randy, we need to talk," she said. I regained my composure.
"I think you've used your mouth enough lately," I said icily.
"OK, I deserved that," she said. I just looked at her. "Please just hear me out," she practically begged.
I sighed. "Fine," I said. "I'm listening." I sat down on the couch, thinking she might join me. Instead, she paced the living room floor on the other side of the coffee table.
"Randy, I don't know what I was thinking. I knew you and Clay were together! I just...I don't know. There's so few good men out there! Clay is top-notch! I'm sure I don't have to tell you that. He's just so nice, and sweet, and caring, and funny, and sexy...When we talk, we really connect. It's hard to explain what was going on in my mind. Like I said, I know he's gay, but I just had to see if maybe there could be something between us. You have EVERY right to hate me. I wouldn't blame you a bit if you did. But I just had to find out."
My head had been down the entire time she was talking to me. I looked up at her, tears in my eyes, and asked, "So did you get the answer you had hoped for?"
"Oh my God, NO!" Paula said as she walked around the coffee table and sat down next to me. "Do you want to hear what happened after you left?" she asked gently.
"I guess so," I said hesitantly.
"Well, you should know that he wasn't into the kiss AT ALL from the very beginning. I think he just kind of let me do it. Then, when you walked in, he pushed me off of him - not that I blame him. God, I acted like such a sleaze!"
"So he doesn't feel the same way?" I asked.
"Randy, of course not. He was so angry with me - again, not that I blame him. He asked me how I could try to ruin the best thing that's ever happened to him. Randy, he told me that he is in love with you. And once again, I can't say as I blame him."
This brought about a whole new set of tears. "He said that? Really?"
"Yes," she said, smiling brightly. "Randy, he's crazy about you."
"I've got to go talk to him," I said, getting up. Paula did the same.
I grabbed my keys from the table. Looking out the window, I saw that I would probably need my coat and an umbrella, too, so I gathered those things quickly, and met Paula at the door.
"Thank you, Paula, for making me listen. I didn't want to, but I'm glad I did," I told her honestly.
"Of course. And again, I'm SO sorry," she said with an upset look on her face.
"Well, I can't say as I forgive you, exactly, but for what it's worth, I understand the idea of love making you do crazy things." I gave her a tentative hug.
"Thank you, Randy." she said. "Now go get your man!"
Turns out I didn't have to go very far. I opened the door to find Clay on his knees, with a dozen roses in his hands and a pleading expression on his face.
"That's my cue to leave," said Paula, gently making her way past Clay. I took the flowers from Clay and laid them on the dining room table. When I turned around, Clay was still on his knees, so I took his hands and pulled him up.
"Randy, I am SO sorry!" he said with tears in his eyes.
My own eyes began welling with tears. At this rate, we would flood the apartment in no time. "Shh," I said. "It's OK. Paula told me everything."
"She did?" he asked.
"Yes," I said. "She told me that it was all her, and that you wanted nothing to do with it."
"Randy," he said, turning away from me, "I need to be honest with you."
"OK..." I said, not sure where he was going with this.
"I have to admit that I was intrigued by Paula..." he said.
"Oh," I said, my heart dropping into my stomach.
"But," he said, "I know that Paula can't give me what I'm looking for."
"Wouldn't it be easier to be with another celebrity?" I asked him. "A female one, at that? Think about it - no sneaking around, no hiding, she already knows what it's like to be in the spotlight..."
"Yes, it would be easier," he said. "And that's exactly why I even entertained the thought. But the bottom line is, Paula wouldn't make me happy. Only one person can do that, and that person is you."
"Really?" I asked him.
"I mean it," he said. "I don't know what I would do if I lost you. You're the best thing that ever happened to me. I...uh..." Clay started to fidget.
"You...what?" I asked gently. I had a feeling I knew what was coming, but I wanted to hear him say it.
"Randy, I'm in love with you. I have thought so for a while now, but I wanted to be sure of it. When Paula kissed me, I knew that I was sure. I love you, Randy."
I started to cry for, like, the thousandth time that day. "I love you, too, Clay. I never thought I could be so lucky as to find someone like you." I knew it was the truth - I didn't have to protect my heart any longer.
I wrapped my arms around Clay and buried my nose in his neck. He lifted my head gently, and slowly brought his lips to mine. The kiss started out small and slow, almost like a bunch of little pecks. It gradually got bigger and more intense. Our mouths opened, and our tongues licked at each other, playing together. Kissing Clay was getting to be such a nice, familiar feeling. This kiss was different from all the rest, however. The others had a frenzied passion to them, which was nice, but this kiss was definitely full of love. We took everything so slowly, rubbing our hands up and down each other's backs, through each other's hair, and down our sides. The only sounds in the room came from our mouths connecting and smacking apart in between kisses. When we finally pulled apart, we just stood there, wrapped in each other's arms, smiling at each other. Not a word needed to be spoken.
We just knew.
This was forever.
See? I TOLD you to have faith that everything would work out! Don't worry, folks, that's not the end of our story. I'm still having WAY too much fun writing this to stop anytime soon. It might be a little longer before the next chapter comes out - depends on how much time I get to write!
As always, thanks to Lee for being my editor and overall sounding board. And thanks to EVERYONE who has written in. Please keep the emails coming - I love hearing what you think of my story, as well as what you think should happen next. Send all emails to musicteacher2002@hotmail.com