Title : Till Death Do Us Part Part : 5 Rating : PG Hosted at : http://www.superlative.ca/daydream, www.fanfiction.net Feedback : nina@superlative.ca Note: **=italics Disclaimer : I don't know *NSYNC or anyone who does. I do not assume to know anything about their lives or sexuality. They are real people, with real lives, I just like to play with them once in a while.
Part 5
Lance was jarred awake by the sound of Justin throwing up in the next room. He scrambled from his bed, almost falling to the floor in the process and went into Justin's bathroom. He was on his knees leaning over the toilet, holding onto the sides so tightly his knuckles were white. His back and bald head, which Lance had never seen without a bandanna covering it, were covered in a layer of sweat.
Lance sat on the tub and wiped the sweat away with a damp towel while Justin finished emptying his stomach. Lance had never seen someone throw up so much at once. Since he'd brought Justin home earlier that day he'd been asleep, Lance had had just enough time to thank him for the tredmill before he was asleep. Lance had laid awake for a long time, waiting for Justin to wake up to be sick, or to eat, but he hadn't so Lance had finally given in to sleep about an hour ago. And now here was Justin, puking his guts out.
When Justin was done he fell onto his back on the floor, his arm thrown across his eyes. Lance wiped his mouth and chin with the towel, "you okay?" He asked softly. Justin only nodded, and Lance thought he saw a few tears escape his eyes. "You wanna take a bath?" Lance asked, Justin nodded again. Lance ran the bath, keeping one eye on Justn laying on the floor, his breathing labored and shallow. When the tub was full he lifted Justin off the floor, slid his boxers down and lowered him into the tub. Justin pulled his knees up to his chest to cover himself, his head resting on his knees.
"I don't know why I bother anymore, five years of this, you'd think I'd either be dead or better by now. The doctors look at me every time like 'this could be the one', this treatment could kill it once and for all, but I know it won't...I know it won't." Justin said softly, slapping at the water.
"Maybe it will be, you never know, right?" Lance ran a wash cloth down his back and shoulders massageing the tight muscules lightly.
"Maybe...but I doubt it. You know this isn't part of your job, after I finished puking aren't you just supposed to stay long enough to make sure I'm alive and then leave me to figure myself out again?"
Lance frowned at the edge in Justin's voice, "why can't you just let me care for you? I'll worry about my job, you worry about you."
Justin sighed, "I'm sorry Lance, you'll have to forgive me sometimes. I'm not used to people who want to care about me. I wanted someone here so I wouldn't have to stay in the hospitals after the treatments, so I could come home and not have to deal with the nurses who just do it for a job and don't really give a damn."
"Well I give a damn, alright? Just deal with it and think about getting better." Lance stood up and held a towel out to Justin.
His face was stone again, "I'm not going to get better Lance, I'm dying, understand? There will be no talk of my getting better because it isn't going to happen. You can leave now." Lance didn't know what to say, he didn't think there was anything to say, so he left Justin alone in the bathroom and went back to his own room, shutting the door behind him.
Justin lay awake in his bed after dragging himself out of the bathroom. The treatments left him so weak and useless, it was the worst part of the whole thing. Every other week he spent 3 days in the hospital getting pumped full of drugs that were supposed to be killing the cancer inside of him when all it did was make him puke his brains out for 2 days. Sometimes he wondered if it would be better to just give it up and die, just let go once and for all. There was this stubborn voice inside of him though, that kept at him telling him to not give up, he could beat this. Secretly he hoped it was right, he hoped he could beat this and be normal and healthly again.
Now Lance was mad at him again, just when he'd been trying so hard to make things right between them, he'd screwed it up again because he couldn't stand to let his guard down for more then a second. Lance had seen him at his most vunerable, shaking and puking on the bathroom floor, what else was there to hide? Justin sighed and damned his stupid pride and this stupid diease eating away at him slowly, killing him from the inside out, leaving an empty hole where his heart used to be. Justin smiled up at the ceiling, he knew what it felt like to love someone, to love them so much you'd give your own life to save theirs. He knew that feeling from back before he was sick, when he was still normal and people weren't afaird of him and he wasn't afaird of them either. Josh had been his first and only true love, but Josh had gotten scared and run when Justin didn't get better. Josh hadn't been able to hack it. Justin had been sick for two years already when he woke up one morning and Josh was gone, he didn't even leave a note, just dissappeared into the night. Justin had never heard from him again. He'd kept himself closed off from everyone around him and anyone who even tried to get close to him he kept them away with snide remarks and his short fused temper. But Lance...Lance was different, he was trying so hard to be friends with him, Justin almost couldn't help himself from wanting his friendship. He was realizing how lonely he was, that he was going to die alone if he didn't suck it up and let Lance be his friend.