TIME-TO-SEE-18
Now I'd seen the ad in the fliers they threw on the front lawn every week. Some company is offering Astroturf for the home at a remarkably low price, and that included installation too.
I phoned first thing that morning, and the company rep said that he'd come out to the house later that same morning to look at the area that might be covered with Astroturf, to determine the prep work that would have to be done, and then to suggest a schedule for installation.
You see, I figured if I'm going to be dragged into this dog proposition, I was going to be in maximum self-preservation mode. Astroturf in the backyard would make dog ownership and poop cleaning ever so much more tolerable, I speculated. No holes in the lawn, no dead spots from pee, no dirt and dust from burying bones... just plain civilized dogs, I pictured...
By eleven I'd agreed to tractor and disks in the backyard at one p.m., sprinkler and roller at two, and tomorrow afternoon after lunch, the whole thing would be done... The entire backyard would be an Astroturf wonderland, just perfect for canines and boys alike.
I left the side yard in it's natural state hoping someday to plant a vegetable garden and flowers, depending on my nervous system and my pocketbook... I love both, and with Hugo around, maybe he'd want to join me. Things done with someone else is always more fun and more fulfilling than things done in solitude.
I was eating a late lunch after the sprinkler and roller left when the doorbell rang, something that had been highly unlikely in the past: a visitor? for me?
When I opened the door I found Howard standing there with a large brown envelop in his hand.
"Hey, Howard, come in, come in... it's good to see you," I said as I stepped back and opened the front door as wide as I could open it.
Howard was smiling and nodding as usual. "Thank you, Kevin," he said as he entered the living room.
He turned toward me as he seated himself on the sofa and said, "Kevin, I'm really sorry that I missed you in the hospital. I got so tied up with my test grading and grad student supervision that I just didn't get down to the administration offices to ask for your Sabbatical paperwork."
"Oh, Howard, don't worry about it," I said.
"Well, I told them what you'd just gone through and that you expected to need the rest of the semester to convalesce. They were really nice about it and gave me the papers you will have to fill out and get back to them asap, along with written instructions that they told me you would find self-explanatory."
"Howard, you DID get everything done. This is really a huge help," I commented as I opened the envelope.
"I sure hope so, but at least you'll get the ball rolling with this stuff."
I took the envelope, "Gosh, Howard. I am pretty much ambulatory, even though I do have to watch that I don't over-do a day's business. I guess I could have sent for the papers myself. I feel really bad that you had to do this for me..."
"Kevin! Don't even think about that. It was no problem. I just find that I have a one-track mind when it comes to my academic work... I guess it's an occupational hazard, at least that's what my wife tells me..."
Then Howard looked across the room and out a large plate glass window at the machinery rumbling out in my yard. "Having some construction done?" Howard asked?
"Oh, no. Not really. Just having the backyard prepped for Astroturf installation," I said.
"No kidding? That's interesting. What's going on? You planning to start practicing soccer in your old age?" Howard asked acknowledging that my undertaking was a little out of character.
"No, no, nothing like that; Howard, you wouldn't believe all the things that have happened to me since I had to go into the hospital. I'll spare you the details right now-- maybe later if you're interested-- but suffice it to say that I'm getting the Astroturf because I'm going to have a dog living here-- maybe two."
"Well, Kevin, that's not so unusual. Lot's of people have dogs, and some are remarkably committed to the pet's well-being and happiness. So you're getting a dog; so what's so unusual about that?" Howard asked.
"Yeah! But I'm also getting an 11-year old and a 12-year old to go with the dog!" I confessed.
"Oh, my!" Howard exclaimed, "Oh, my..." again...
"Yeah! But actually I'm really looking forward to the entire circus that'll be moving in Saturday...," I said.
"Uh? Well, if YOU are okay with it, who else matters?" Howard commented.
"That's true, Howard, but I'm also a little ashamed of how irresponsible it could look from the outside. I mean, I really have considered this very, very carefully. I don't want to live my life alone, and, well, Howard, I won't be having any natural born children of my own-- you might have guessed already that I'm gay-- so this is all I'll be able to enjoy. But I'm so happy about it I feel like there must be something wrong with it. You know, like something that tastes so good you figure it must be bad for you to eat."
"Well, Kevin, I think it sounds wonderful. You'll make a great dad..." Howard replied.
"I won't be the only dad on the scene, Howard. I'll be sharing the role with someone I met in the hospital while I was recovering, Hugo Ramirez. He'll be moving in also. It could prove to be a shock to my system, I guess..." I said revealing much, much more than I felt comfortable with, even though it was only Howard I was telling.
"Well, Kevin, congratulations are in order too. You rascal. Goodness you work fast: Instant family in 4 weeks. It took me a year to get up the nerve to propose, and we still don't have kids. You are either super courageous or super insane. I guess we'll both find out eventually which it is," Howard said with a laugh-- again, a reaction that was decidedly NOT from the Howard I knew. But he didn't seem judgmental, just amused...
"I'll keep you informed about whether I'm committed to an Institution for the Unstable," I joked.
Howard stood, "Really I've got to be going. But I would like to come back when you've got the Astroturf installed. I just might consider the same for my place. It would be a huge cost savings in water alone that I use now to keep the grass alive. Let me know when I can come back to see it," Howard asked with genuine interest.
"Sure, Howard," I said as I accompanied him to the front door.
"But don't forget to take good care of yourself through all of this change of course. You don't need a relapse... That might be much more serious than even the first event..." he advised again with the sincerity I came to rely upon as totally Howard.
"Thanks, Howard. You're so right!" I said.
The last flatbed was pulling away from the side of the house. I was eager to get to the backyard now to see what everything looked like.
I was out back looking at the yard when my cell phone rang. Hugo had a friend at work telephone to ask me if I could come to pick him up a half-hour early. He wanted to go over to his old place and pick up the rest of Jilder's and his things.
"Sure I'll be there about two-thirty," I said. And I went back upstairs to the office and filed out the paperwork that Howard just dropped off. The boys would be using two of the bedrooms, but I didn't see why Hugo & I couldn't continue to use the remaining room up there for our office... And there would still be two more empty bedrooms for guests or whatever...
Well, there were other options, but there were also more pressing things to be dealt with now.
Time to pick up Hugo came quickly. Over at his apartment, the two of us loaded the last of his kitchen goods and the last of Jilder's imponderable 11-year-old's-things, and we slammed the back door to the SUV. Actually, I was a little surprised that moving all that stuff had been so easy. I have always hated to move; so I expected this one to be like all the others I'd participated in: traumatic. But not so... happily...
We clipped on our seat belts and sped off to see the boys... When we arrived at the hospital, I took Hugo's pad and began confessing: "Hugo, I did something this morning that you'll probably think is a little crazy, but really I think after a while it will make sense."
"What are you talking about, Hun?" Hugo wrote.
"Well--" (I DID feel a little silly buying Astroturf, of all things, but now committed, I HAD to tell Hugo, whether or not he ended up thinking I was nuts.)
"This morning I called a company that installs Astroturf and had the backyard prepped for a whole yard of Astroturf. They'll install it first thing in the morning," I wrote in one quick confession.
"ASTROTURF!?" was Hugo's one-word reply....
"yep" I wrote in pretty small letters...
"Look, Hugo, I figured that if we are going to get a dog (or dogs), life would be so much easier if we didn't have to worry about the downside of keeping animals: dirt, shit, torn-up yard, etc. So I did it. It was surprisingly cheap, and it'll be there tomorrow. We can take the boys dog shopping on the weekend after they get out of the hospital. Then they'll have ALL of their responsibilities to learn at once... Am I nuts, Hugo?" I asked...
"No, Hun... Just very, very optimistic." Hugo wrote with tact.
"Thank You." I wrote back.
"Okay," I jotted down next. "How about we go inside now?"
"Yeah!" Hugo wrote and reached over to give me a kiss on the lips-- and he groped my penis!
The week was really rushing by. Already Thursday, I could feel the world closing in on me. Having Hugo move in was just no adjustment at all. I loved every trace he left: his clothes; his scent wafting from his clothes; his left-over's in the frig; his pads and pens left everywhere, and his toothbrush and shaving stuff scattered around the sink and mirror in the bathroom. But I hadn't lived with kids in a very long time, and I WAS a kid when it last happened; so I suppose that is no real qualification. Now directly into battle, with no basic training, I'd go... in two days!
When we arrived, both boys were in Jilder's bed again tonight. "I think we ought to be given a reduced rate if you two are sharing the same bed all the time," I joked when we walked up...
"Hi! Kevin. Hi! Hugo." And they both stopped peering at the same tiny little video screen and leaned toward us to get hugs.
"Hi, guys," I said. "How are you both feeling?"
"Fine." "Fine." Was all I heard.
"That won't do, guys..." I said. "I want a detailed report on how that steel bar in your chest is doing, or more exactly, how are YOU feeling with the bar there? Okay. Spit it out, one at a time... YOU first, Jilder."
With some effort, I could tell, Jilder lay his PSP down on his lap to have a conversation with me. "I feel okay most of the time, but I can't get comfortable when I sleep. I can't turn on my side, like I used to do. I'm still getting pretty tired every day, like in the middle of the day, and I need to take a nap... I don't WANT TO take a nap, I just fall asleep when I get tired," he complained
But Jilder was getting some kind of satisfaction from confiding the details of his day in the hospital, because he didn't appear to skip anything: "The nurse gives me one pain pill in the morning when I wake up, but I don't think I'm in much pain, because even though I can't get comfortable when I sleep, I'm not really in pain. It's just really, really uncomfortable.... Uh?"
And he thought some more, "And, uh. I get tired of being in bed all the time. I want to walk outside, but the nurse won't let me go. She said that I'll be leaving on Saturday and that I was not going to go out of her sight for a moment until it was time for me to go home..."
I smiled at the self-preserving move the nurse was taking when it came to Jilder's mobility. I sure couldn't blame her one bit. I was worried about just the same kind of thoughtlessness when he goes home-- a new environment that could spell disaster at every unexpected turn...
"Okay. Nicky, now you. What's up?" I asked.
"I'm still really sore on my right side where the doctor pushed so hard on me," Nicky explained. He wasn't betraying self-pity, just giving me the facts I'd ask for.
"And at night I'm pretty uncomfortable still. I wake up a lot, and I like it when the nurse will give me a pain pill because it puts me back to sleep right away," Nicky explained.
The need for extra pain pills made me a little uncomfortable, although I realized that we were a long way from a danger zone. I'd absorbed Hugo's vigilance for unexpected addiction with that pain medication. All we could do is just watch it very, very closely.
"Are you in bad pain in the day when you're awake, Nicky," I asked. "Sometime," Nicky said. "When I'm feeling pain I try to go to sleep and that helps," Nicky explained.
"Are you in any pain right now," I asked.
"No, not now," Nicky said.
"Have you told Dr. Gilmer about when you are in pain?" I asked Nicky.
"Yes, sir." Nicky answered. "He said that I may feel the pain for another week or two, because of how much harder he had to push to install my retainer. He said that it would be alright to take a pain pill in the day if it gets really bad. Otherwise, Dr. Gilmer said I should use one pill at night and one in the morning."
Nicky was quite complete and clear describing his physical condition. I felt that he would be inclined to watch out for himself far more carefully than Jilder might.
Jilder tended to be a bit impulsive--- bright, but inclined to believe in his own invincibility more enthusiastically than Nicky regarded his own.
"Well, good, boys. I think we're definitely going to make it out of this place on Saturday, if things don't take an unexpected turn for the worse..." I said.
Hugo sat by quietly while I quizzed the boys. When he thought I'd finished, he turned to me, questioning me with his eyes, and offered me the pad and pen.
In about an hour Dr. Gilmer paid a surprise visit.
"Good evening, gentlemen," Dr. Gilmer said smiling and offering his hand to each of us in turn.
"Good evening, Dr. Gilmer," I answered.
Hugo nodded his greeting and smiled back.
The doctor went on, "I'm glad I caught you both. I wanted to speak with you about the boys. Basically I still think that they'll be ready to leave hospital care on Saturday, but they BOTH still need to be kept quiet and calm (a near impossibility, I realize, for two boys of their ages), but nevertheless, you've GOT to make it happen," he said looking at both Hugo & me.
At that point I felt that our responsibility had begun for real. There was no mistaking Dr. Gilmer's clear injunction to keep order in our home, but he continued with specifics.
"I think they're going to be in some significant discomfort for another two weeks-- especially Nicky. So we don't want any skateboarding, running up and down stairs, pushing or shoving or horsing around. It's really a major concern for me right now. BOTH of them--and he emphasized both-- are recovering quite nicely at the moment."
Dr. Gilmer didn't leave out anything. "They do need pain medication before bed, Nicky perhaps during his waking hours too. But the pain medication makes them drowsy and unable to feel normal; so we will want to give it up after two weeks have passed, counting from the time they leave the hospital."
"I'll want to see them every week after they leave the hospital, but we'll probably be able to stop that after a month. We'll just have to be cautious and adjust our actions accordingly." And then he paused to consider whether he needed to say more.
"But again, I repeat myself: it is imperative that these boys NOT injure themselves..." And Dr. Gilmer turned to the boys, looking them both directly in the eye, and said: "You DO understand that, don't you, boys???"
"Yes. sir." "Yes. sir." came from each boy.
"Good. I'm holding you to that!" Dr. Gilmer told them.
Well, what more could he do. He's made reality absolutely clear to each of them. They must play a role in their own care. It will be good life training for them.
"Okay. I'm tired this time," I wrote to Hugo.
Hugo stood and put his arm around my shoulder.
The boys were both still in Jilder's bed, but we were leaving even before they would have to return to their separate beds for the night. I gave them both hugs and leaned over and told each one separately, repeating myself again for each one of them quietly, "I love you, and I'm really looking forward to you coming home on Saturday."
Hugo went to each with his bear hug and kiss on the forehead. With some difficulty he spoke, "I miss you both..." And they understood him and kissed him back.
We were driving home when we stopped for one of those particularly long stop lights. I took that opportunity to scribble quickly on Hugo's pad, "Did you mail your letter today?"
"Yep!" was his quick reply.
I smiled and leaned over and gave him a kiss on whatever part of his head happened to be closest.
When the light turned green for us, we sped off into the night returning to our home that looked pretty welcoming to me at that point. For some reason, I was exhausted, yet I didn't feel as if I'd done all that much today. But, I suppose I had.
I noticed that I'd lost my balance twice during the day, which was a little alarming to me. Not that anyone around me would have noticed, but I knew, and it concerned me.
I didn't tell Hugo, because I knew that there was nothing that he could do; so why worry him. I hadn't staggered the way I did when Hugo had to help me to the bathroom in the hospital, but I think my brain repairs were in need of the respite of a good night's sleep-- sleep is known to be essential for one's good health; just so for one's healthy healing.
And I had every reason in the world to want to heal. I had a wonderful mate, two terrific kids, "X" number of dogs of indeterminate description, and much good fortune for which to be grateful. What more can a man ask?