TIME-TO-SEE-44
Young men with red flashlights and red armbands waved our Bronco along past endless rows of parked cars in the humongous Sea World parking lot. This marine park was really extremely well-organized, and the flow of cars moved along smoothly.
No sooner had we turned into a parking place and Jake shut the engine off than both boys sprang from the vehicle so eager to be on their way we could hardly believe it. Jake looked over at me and said very disingenuously, "Craig, maybe I'm getting too old for kids???"
"Suuuuuuuur!", I answered him not the least bit persuaded.
"Jake," I said. "If you think these guys are already in hyper-mode, just wait until they get inside and start seeing the seals and dolphins and sharks? It'll be like trying to guide a team of wild horses..."
"Yeah! God... Just keeping up with these kids will give you plenty of exercise... No fat parents around these two..," Jake joked.
"Hey! Jake, Craig where do we go now?" the boys yelled back from their position 15 yards in the lead.
"I really don't know, Jilder" Jake called back to them.
"Just follow all the other people and walk in the general direction of the big sign over the Main Entrance... You can't go wrong. When we get close, there will be a long line, but don't worry, the line moves really fast. We'll buy tickets and be inside in no time... Just keep up and don't lose us... We don't want to get separated from one another," Jake instructed.
"Yeah! Jake. YOU can't keep up with US!" Jilder said with a big grin on his face...
"Are you trying to make us old guys feel bad?" I yelled over at the boys.
"NO! We're just tellin the truth!" Nicky said laughing and pointing back at the two of us...
"Smarty pants!" I called to Nicky.
"There, over there... There's the line... We'll run ahead and get a place in line, Nicky said.
"You guys just look for us when you get up there. We're going to run ahead.." Jilder shouted back at me and Jake.
"Craig, this is just ONE MORNING! Can you believe that Hugo and Kevin go through this all the time EVERY DAY!" Jake said laughing and speeding up his gate to avoid being left embarrassingly far behind.
"Yep! And are you taking note of all the details of having kids, Jake?" I poked Jake in the kidneys and made him laugh....
"Yeah! I see. Havin kids ain't gonna be easy. But, Craig, you know you love watchin their antics. And they are loveable no matter how absurd they are," Jake replied.
"I gotta admit you're right about the loveable part. I can see why Kevin and Hugo have BOTH of them... I simply cannot decide which one I love most! It's actually a tie with me," I said.
"Okay. But we won't let em know what pushovers we are," Jake answered.
"Hugo runs a tight ship, and it shows. Those two are very polite and considerate, especially for two boys. I know that Hugo won't put up with any unreasonable bullshit from either of them... I can't speculate how hard-assed Kevin might be... I sense that he's a softie, if the chips are down... But they both make sure the boys do their school work and take care of their responsibilities with the dogs. I think it was a great idea to get those dogs and have the boys develop a commitment to a living creature. Helps em to grow out of the natural self-centered status they are born into." Jake said.
"Okay, boys, we're here. Thanks for holding our place in line. Now, let's see... the next Shamo, The Killer Whale show is in 45 minutes. Maybe we can get inside and find seats in time for that performance... Ya think?" I said to the guys.
"Oh, yeah! We'll make that show easy," Jilder opined.
"Well... let's try to," I answered.
The line really was moving quite quickly, and in no time we had our tickets and were moving down into the huge amphitheater built around the Killer Whale Performance Pool.
"Can we sit down close to the pool, Huh? Is that okay...So we can see real good," the boys begged.
"Well, okay, but you realize you're going to get splashed, even drenched totally when the whale rushes down to one end of the pool and whooshes around making his turns... Everybody on the bottom 5 rows gets drenched!" I said....
"Oh, yeah! That'll be COOL!!" Jilder said looking at Nicky with a huge smile.
"Okay, yeah. But we can dry off when we get back to the car," Nicky said, considering the implication of seating himself in the wet zone.
"Ladies and Gentlemen. We now present: the One, the Only, the Great, the Stupendous, the Magnificent SHAMOO-THE-KILLER-WHALE!!!!!" bellowed the loud speakers from all sides of the amphitheater.
And with that, some hard-charging drumming music blasted over the speakers as a gate at one end of the pool was opened and this ENORMOUS creature came rushing into the pool, swimming at full speed heading for the other end of the pool.
As he approached the end, and just before he was going to collide with it for sure, all at once, he dove and his gigantic tale swished up out of the water dishing out a huge wave of pool water just drenching the bottom rows of patrons, much to the delight and intense joy of Nicky and Jilder.
Nicky stood up just dripping wet, grinning from ear to ear, looking back up the several rows of amphitheater seating above, to where Jake and I were sitting.
Jilder waved and shook himself like one of the dogs and squealed like he was having an orgasm! What a joy their delight provided for all of us.
The trainers were remarkably clever with the special effects and the tricks they taught Shamo to perform.
We all laughed and clapped and oooedd and ahhhd as that huge beast churned the waters of the pool and flooded the lower tiers of the ampitheater again and again.
This particular performance was packed with people of all ages. Really there wasn't a vacant seat anywhere in the amphitheater... (Quickly I calculated at $25 a patron, Shamo was sure earning his keep in this morning's performance; and he must have done ten or so performances a day.)
There was so much activity in the pool, that aside from watching both Jilder and Nicky closely, I didn't really see what was unfolding on the bottom most seating ring.
There was a toddler; well he appeared to be not a bit over 2 years old, who was squealing and clapping his hands and just enjoying himself immensely as Shamo dashed and splashed around. The parents appeared to be one ring above the bottom most. They were a young couple, neither of which was particularly remarkable, except that they didn't attempt to shield themselves very much from the rain storms that Shamo caused every minute or two, and they didn't seem to be watching the child at all.
Our boys had moved to the very bottom row of seating, just perched on the edge of the benches, to be sure they wouldn't miss a move of that Killer Whale.
At one point, after a particularly dramatic leap straight up out of the water and a return plunge back into the pool, with a torrent of water hitting the audience, it was simply too great a force for the body as small as that of the little two-year old boy to resist, and he was knocked down and washed quickly back toward the pool containing the frolicking Killer Whale.
Nicky screamed, "STOP that kid... HE'S GOING INTO THE POOL! QUICK.... HELP ME, JILDER..."
And with that scream, Nicky was leaping out of his seat, diving down onto the rushing-water soaked tile deck around the pool, arms out in front of him, allowing him to grasp the little boy's legs just as the boy was tumbling over the edge of the pool into the water!
A great GASP! went up from the crowd, and the trainers attempted to get Shamo back into his pen as quickly as possible. But the whale was not in the mood to stop now.... Apparently, he was having too much fun. So he reversed directions in the pool swimming full speed away from the gate between the pool and his pen. But that was right in the direction where Nicky was clutching the little boy trying to hold on to him amid the slippery surface and assault of even more waves of water tossed by Shamo from the pool.
Finally Shamo hurried out of the performance pool and into his pen. A pair of ushers rushed down the steps of the amphitheater down toward Nicky who was sprawled on his belly, holding the boy safely on the side of the pool, both of them dripping wet and the little boy crying and yelling, "mama!!!!"
The mother stumbled toward her son, and it was completely apparent that she was incapacitated, as in drunk or "high" and not physically able to take custody of her child. Jilder was faster than the ushers, and he whisked the child from Nicky's arms and ran up the few teers of audience to where we sat.
"Right here, Jilder," Jake hollered.
"Bring him here." Jake directed.
"And Jilder had the boy in our arms in just a split second," I realized.
Looking down to the deck next to the pool where Nicky lay barely moving, I realized Nicky was actually writhing and clutching his chest, trying to get his breath... I rushed down to Nicky as fast as I could move.
"Oh, my, God!" I yelled to one of the ushers: "'CALL AN AMBULANCE IMMEDIATELY. THIS BOY HAS A STEEL BAR IN HIS CHEST, AND HE'LL STOP BREATHING IF THE THING WAS DAMAGED IN HIS FALL...' "
One of the ushers stopped in his rush to the pool and began talking into his walkie-talkie. The other continued to Nicky and me and got down on his knees in the puddles of water.
"He's still breathing, but it's very labored," the second usher yelled back to the first who was still on the walkie-talkie.
"Get that fucking ambulance immediately and bring a hand stretcher; so we can carry this boy up to the street."
In literally seconds, a siren blaring ambulance with blinking red lights lurched to a stop at the top of the amphitheater. Two medics rushed down to the pool level. I met them at Nicky's side at the moment they arrived.
"I have the boy's doctor's cell number. I'll get him to meet us at the Emergency Room of... 'WHAT HOSPITAL WILL YOU BE TAKING HIM TO...'," I screamed with desperation in my voice.
"County is nearest," one medic said.
"Okay. COUNTY! This boy has a metal bar across the front of his chest holding his ribcage out away from his heart and his lungs. If something has been fucked up by his lunge and fall on his chest, he may need assistance breathing and maybe his heart won't be pumping right too... God! I don't know what might have happened." I said, repeating myself and frantic.
"That's okay, Sir. We'll get him there in less than 5 minutes. Just get that doctor!"
"Thank God, Kevin had given me instructions on how to contact Dr. Gilmer. I'd have shit if I hadn't been prepared and something like this had happened," I thought, my mind racing right along with my own heart.
"Dr. Gilmer... This is Craig Zimmer, a friend of Hugo Ramirez and Kevin Kramer. We took their boys to see Shamo the whale at the San Diego Sea World this morning, and Nicky jumped down to save a toddler who was going to fall into the whale's pool, and he's in pain and his breathing is shallow. Can you PLEASE meet us at County hospital Emergency Room? We'll be there in 5 minutes by ambulance. "
"I'm on my way right now, Craig," Dr. Gilmer said. "See you and Nicky there..." And with that his phone disconnected.
Craig continued to oversee what the medics and ushers were doing while Jake held on to the child who was near hysterical by now. "I looked toward Nicky and the medics and saw that they were loading him into the ambulance. I went up the stairs two at a time, pushing people out of the way, to get to the ambulance. I was going to the hospital with Nicky in that ambulance."
I yelled at Jake, "You and Jilder drive over to County in the Bronco, Jake," Meet me there... I got Dr. Gilmer. He's meeting us at the hospital.... Oh, shit. And you better call Hugo and Kevin and tell them what's going on and get them to meet us there too..."
And the guilt set in big time: "Oh, shit, I'm sorry, God. I'm so sorry, God. I wasn't watching Nicky close enough. Please don't let him die. I'm the one who ought to die. I'm the one who screwed up...," I kept saying to myself as I jumped into the back of the ambulance and a medic slammed the back doors shut.
I sat down on the ambulance floor right next to where they had secured the bed to the vehicle.
"Nicky, can you hear me?" I spoke to Nicky who had his eyes closed...
A very faint little voice answered, "Yeah! I can hear you Craig..." And then it trailed off..
"Don't worry buddy. We'll have you at the hospital in just a few minutes. Dr. Gilmer will be there to meet you too," I said trying to reassure him.
When I could hear Nick speak again he was saying, "I'm sorry, Craig, I should a been careful... Are you mad at me? I hope Hugo and Kevin won't be mad at me"
"Oh, Nicky. God NO! I'm NOT mad at you, and I can tell you for sure that neither Hugo nor Kevin are going to be mad at you either. We all love you so much, and we only want you to recover and get better..."
Nicky's breathing was very shallow. He kept his eyes closed and didn't move a muscle.
"Oh, God, Please don't let Nicky die!" I prayed silently.
Nicky was whisked into the Emergency Room on the ambulance gurney. I was right next to the gurney as the medics pushed it directly into the building. While we were still moving, a doctor picked up Nicky's arm to feel for a pulse, and a nurse began to attach a drip to his other arm.
The doctor leaned down close to Nicky's head and said quietly, "This is Dr. Gilmer, Nicky. I see you got a little banged up there watchin Shamo... You're supposed to WATCH him, Nicky, not jump in the pool with him!" the doctor said in a comforting voice.
Nicky didn't respond to the doctor's little attempt at conversation. He just lay there looking pale and immobile, but a little smile peeked out.
"Oh, God!" I thought. "Please, I'll do anything you want me to do if you'll only let Nicky live!" I beseeched the Great Force of all life.
"Get Nicky into x-ray right away. The bar is probably crushing his heart. We've got to go in right away to relieve that pressure. Quick, get an operating suite, I'll be scrubbed in 5 minutes. Don't worry with extensive patient prep. Just spray the hell out of him with betadine and put him under. Get a good anesthesiologist. I don't want any Fuck Ups! I want the best anesthesiologist at this hospital...." Dr. Gilmer ordered the Emergency Room Intern.
"Yes Sir," The Intern answered... "Right away, Sir...," as he ran off.
And with that Nicky was rolled off by the nurses on his way to the operating room.
The doctor called back over his shoulder to me. "Go to the observation gallery. Bring Hugo and Kevin there when they get here... I know they'll want to be with Nicky every moment he's here."
And the doctor ran off too.
Just as the doctor disappeared, Jake and Jilder came running into the Emergency Room.
Jake said, "I called Kevin's cell phone and told them about what happened to Nicky. They'll be here in 15 minutes or so I'd guess..."
Then Jake turned to look at me with terror in his eyes: "God, Craig. I feel like such a perfect SHIT for allowing this to happen to Nicky. I'd rather die myself than have anything happen to that boy..." Jake said shaking his head and rubbing his forehead.
"Jake, I know how you feel. I feel the very same way. I keep telling God that I'll do anything if he'll just let Nicky live..."
"Do you know how bad he is?" Jake asked.
"No. Even the doctor can't tell. He thinks the bar may be crushing Nicky's heart, depriving him of oxygenated blood and depressing his ability to take full breathes... In short, the boy is really fucked up!" I said.
"Does the doctor seem like he get's it?" Jake asked.
"Ohhhh, yeah! Big Time! He was barking orders to get Nicky into surgery immediately. This guy was going to go into hell for Nicky..., " I told Jake.
"Also, when Hugo and Kevin get here the doctor told me to take everyone up to the gallery, whatever that is..." I said.
"Oh, I know what that is," Jilder spoke up.
"Yeah? What is it?" I asked.
"It's like a room above the operating room that has a glass wall and loud speakers and you can sit there and watch the whole operation," Jilder said.
"That's where I want to be," Craig said... "I won't EVER leave Nicky again... even for a moment." I said.
Jake looked at me with a strange look in his eyes, one of compassion and understanding mixed with pain for what he saw me going through...
The outside doors to the Emergency Room swung open and Hugo and Kevin hurried in.
"Where is he," Kevin asked.
"They took him into surgery," I said.
"Oh, FUCK NOOOO!" Kevin said looking at Hugo.
"Kev. Dr. Gilmer knows what to do. We just have to trust him," Hugo answered.
I spoke up, "Dr. Gilmer told me to bring you two up to the gallery above the operating suite where you could be with Nicky every moment, the whole thing..."
"Good. Let's go," Hugo said as he walked over to a nurse and asked her to direct us to the operating suite gallery. She said that she would take us there if we'd just follow.
In just a moment or two we were seated in the gallery. Dr. Gilmer had opened Nicky's chest and was using some kind of clamp device to manipulate a steel bar that protruded from the side of Nick's chest.
"What in the fuck is he trying to do???" I said...
Nicky floated peacefully in timelessness, leaving all cares behind.
"Nicky, Nicky... Is that you? What brings you here, boy?" a very kind voice spoke to Nick.
Nicky's attention focused.
"I don't know where I am. I know that they were taking me to the hospital, but I passed out, and I don't know whether I made it. Do you know where I am?" a very tired and trusting little voice asked.
"Yes. Boy... You're here with me, AND you sure are in the hospital... And what a scare we all had. But it's good to see you are doing okay... Well, sort of okay... or should I say MOSTLY okay...."
"How do you know? Who are you?" Nicky asked
"Uh? Me?"
"Well, Kevin calls me papa, and your first dad, Mr. Lundgren, calls me The Old Man, but you can call me grandpa, if you like."
"Who's grandpa are you?" Nicky asked.
"Well, yours, o'course!" papa replied.
"Do I have a grandpa?" Nicky inquired.
"Well, if I'm Kevin's grandpapa, and Kevin is YOUR DAD, then don't that make me YOUR GREAT-GRANDPA?" papa said.
"Well??? Yeah.... I guess so...." Nicky answered not sure whether he bought this connection.
"Well, it don't matter. What matters is we get you outta this here place and that hospital too as soon as possible," papa went on.
"Yeah! But I think I gotta mess in my chest that ain't doin so well... I fell on it at Sea World this mornin, and I felt terrible the minute I did," Nicky said.
"Hummm? So, now you think that weren't so smart... now that you think about it? Is that right, Nick?"
"Yeah... It wasn't so smart for me, but this little boy was going to fall into the pool with the Killer Whale, and I couldn't let that happen. He mighta drowned.... "
"Yeah... And YOU mighta died!" papa answered...
There was a long silence as Nick thought about what he'd just been told.
"Ever thought about that, Nicky?" Grandpa asked quietly with compassion.
"Humm? No." Nicky answered softly.
"But I haveta admit that you had a darned good reason for messin yoursef up like you did..."
"Can't say as I feel angry with you..." Grandpa added.
Then Nicky told Grandpa, "I'm worried that Kevin and Hugo will be mad at me for hurtin myself. They worked so hard to help me to get healed from my bad ribcage, and here I go and mess myself all up..."
"Well, Nick. Just look at this on the positive side. You learned that helping somebody don't mean you're supposed to do it to the point of killin or hurtin yourself. That ain't necessary, and it aint even good," Grandpa told Nicky.
"I didn't think about that, Grandpa," Nicky said.
"I just knew that little boy was gonna get hurt, maybe die," and I couldn't let that happen..." Nick explained.
"But what says you gotta give up your own life to help someone else? Ain't that a little mixed up. You was keepin yourself nice and healthy and you were willing to help this little boy, but he wouldn't a wanted you to get yoursef killed in the process, do you think, Nick?" Grandpa proposed.
"Would you want someone to get their selves killed for you?" Grandpa asked Nicky.
Nicky answered softly, "No, I wouldn't, Grandpa."
Nicky went silent for a long time; then he finally spoke again: "Grandpa, I'm sorry but I can't understand how I could a sat there and let that little boy get drowned by the whale... I just couldn't a let it happen, Grandpa..."
Nicky paused for a very long time...a long time even for this place... "You alright, boy?" Grandpa asked very gently.
Nicky said amidst tears and the true anguish of confusion, "Grandpa, I KNOW what it's like not to have nobody to take care of you, and you don't know what to do to take care of yourself. And you just sit there and cry, and nobody comes to help.... NO! Grandpa, I couldn't a done that to that little boy. It hurts too much to be alone like he was... HE NEEDED HELP!" And Nicky burst into tears...
"Is that the way it was for YOU, Nicky?" Grandpa asked in a very quiet, caring voice.
"Uh Huh. " Nick nodded yes as his tears flowed in abundance.
Nicky continued, "I couldn't let that little boy be alone like...."
Grandpa interrupted Nicky to finish his sentence... "like YOU were always alone, with nobody to save you. Is that what this is all about, Nicky?"
"Oh, Grandpa! It was just terrible... I hurt sooo much and nobody came, nobody cared. I cried and cried. I was hungry and nobody gave me nothin to eat... Grandpa! I wanted somebody to be with me and hold me and NOooooooooooo!....I could NEVER let that happen to nobody else...." Nicky blurted out, bleeding anguish as though his heart were pumping it through a special artery of grief...
"Come here, Boy," Grandpa said.
And in an instant, Nicky was a very young four-year-old version of himself, sitting on Grandpa's lap rocking with him in Grandpa's Big rocking chair.
"There, there, now, Boy; we ain't gonna let nothin happen to you... You ain't gonna be alone any more, Nicky. I'm here. Your dad, my Kevin, is here for you. Hugo, your other dad, is here for you. Jake and Craig ain't never gonna let you outta their prayers ever... Can you feel these people is with you, Nicky?" Grandpa said with great understanding of Nicky's painful reality.
Grandpa spoke to Nicky not expecting him really to grasp what he was about to tell him, "Nick. One big thing you done forgot about is that Somebody else is takin care of both you and that little boy and everything else, and He has lots of ways of doin things. You aren't gonna have to be responsible for correctin every bad situation you find. This Somebody Who Runs Things is gonna see to it though. You can be sure of that. Do you know Who I'm talkin about, Nicky?"
"No, Grandpa. Who woulda helped that little boy if I didn't?" Nicky asked, his tears somewhat abated, even if his body were still quivering.
"Well, some people call Him, God, Nicky" Grandpa said.
"Oh? God would do that?" Nicky asked with no small measure of surprise in his voice.
"Well, Nick, how you think Kevin and Hugo found you in the hospital when you needin that operation? They didn't get no invitation letter in the mail sayin you was there!" Grandpa told Nick.
"Hum? Yeah...." Nick thought for a moment before he spoke, "That's true..." Nick said as his quivering quieted.
"And when your biological dad got sick, don't you think Somebody found you a new dad? Well, NOT ONE new dad... TWO NEW DADS! That was God too."
"And does God know I screwed myself all up?" Nick asked Grandpa.
"Why shore... Nick... How you think you got here to see me? I don't do much travelin around these days. So I was really pleased that I could get to visit with you when you dropped by, so to speak, and needed a visitor," Grandpa said.
"I'm here 'cause God wants me to talk to you?" Nicky asked.
Papa nodded his head and gave Nicky some time to grasp what he was saying: "Yes. So I can tell you that He doesn't want you to sacrifice your own self just 'cause you find somebody's needs help. He thinks you need to think about that idea; so you don't screw yourself up bad again... Yahear, Boy?"
And still holding Nicky, "You gotta know: God is runnin things, NOT you. So don't feel like you gotta fix everything... That ain't necessary, Nicky," Grandpa said.
Nicky said, "I know everybody wants to live; so there ain't no point in takin somebody else's life, just because you accept help from them."
"Why sure, Nicky. You know that everybody loves that little boy just like everybody loves you. And we want you both to live... which means no more wild sacrifices, Nicky... Okay?" Grandpa said.
"Did you say that you was Kevin's grandpa?" Nicky asked.
"Yeah! I am."
"Well, if he loves you like I love him, he'd be very sad not to see you and talk to you today," Nicky said.
"You see, Nicky. Kevin can't see me or talk to me no more because, uh...'cause I done died already."
"You're dead? You don't LOOK dead... and you talk like you are alive," Nicky observed.
"Well, son, I AM alive, but I am alive in a timeless place that people who live where you do can't visit, except when something strange happens like it did with you, and they get close to dying when it ain't time for them to die," Grandpa explained to Nicky.
"So am I close to dying, Grandpa?" Nicky asked.
"Uh? Now I don't see no need of scarin you, 'cause you AIN'T gonna die. (You might not feel so hot for a while, but that'll go away...) We got that good doctor Gilmer down there goin through your body puttin everything back in order; so's it's not a risk.. actually."
Grandpa kept talking with his soothing voice as he rocked Nicky in the big rocking chair and slowly rubbed his back up and down, "But, PLEASE, NICK, don't sacrifice yourself for someone else, when you just as well could be a PART--that don't mean ALL, Nicky (Grandpa said with a smile)-- a PART OF THE HELP that several other people contribute, WITHOUT GETTIN YOURSEF KILLED..." Grandpa explained again slowly.
"Yeah! Okay, Grandpa. There's so much I don't know. I worry all the time," and Nicky started crying again...
"Now, Nick, you're a smart boy. And you done especially good in everything you tried. This was just one little screw-up and everybody will help you correct it. Just you help US by not treating yourself like you aren't very valuable," Grandpa said.
"When you ain't shor what to do. Stop and ask God: 'What's goin on here? What's it mean? What should I do.' And that'll help loads," Grandpa suggested.
"Everybody knows how valuable you are except YOU, it seems. But that don't have to persist... You are one very smart boy. You learn things very fast, and this will just be one thing out of many that you learn..." Grandpa said.
Nicky dried his eyes and asked, "Does Hugo and Kevin think I'm valuable, Grandpa?"
"Oh, my goodness, YES! Can't you tell, Boy?"
"Well, I thought so, but it feels good to hear it from somebody else," Nicky said.
"And you got Craig and Jake on your side now too. You got more dad's to love you than a boy can deal with... Soon you'll be shooin em away like flies..."
The thought of what Grandpa was saying made Nicky laugh... "I'm glad, Grandpa, 'cause I love Hugo and Kevin a whole lot, and I don't want to make em mad at me..."
"Oh, my goodness, Boy. Them fellers just loves you to pieces. You got the most interested Dad's in the world; you can count on that I tell you."
Nicky and Grandpa just rocked quietly for a very long time that seemed like forever to Nicky.
Then Grandpa said, "Nicky. You awake?"
"Uh. Huh." Nicky said.
"Well, I think Dr. Gilmer wants you to start payin attention to him. He wants to be sure you are okay... You feel like going back there to the hospital and talking to him?" Grandpa asked.
"Yeah! But I like being here with you better."
Grandpa replied, "Oh, yeah, Nicky! I understand, and I look forward to when we can be together again for a long, long time, but right now is not that time."
"You got so much good stuff to do back with Hugo and Kevin and Jake and Craig and Jilder and all the people you ain't met yet, but who really need you to show em how it feels to love somebody without killin yourself when things don't go perfect..."
"Remember, Nicky, people need you, just like you need them... and all the time ask God, What's goin on here? What's things mean? What'll I do? and then LISTEN..." and then Grandpa felt Nicky sit up.
Nicky felt a peaceful drifting that took him to a very cool place.
Suddenly there seemed to be a very, very bright light shining in his eyes. Nicky turned his head... (His mouth was dry, and he felt a little nauseaous--"Darned anesthesia," he thought...) ...and then he spoke: "Can somebody turn off that light?"
Everyone standing in the Recovery Room chuckled out of relief. Nick was back. And the whole family was there to welcome him. The place was awash with love. And Jilder went over to Nicky and put his cheek on Nicky's forehead, kissed him, and whispered, "You dumb fucker! Don't go hurting yourself like that again, or I'll hafta kick your ass, Bro!"
Nick smiled. It felt really good to be back.