TIME-TO-SEE-7
Breakfast over, Hugo lay back in the armchair like a sated cat... almost purring!
I leaned over to the bedside table where Hugo kept a pad and pen. I picked it up and wrote in big letters... "You Ok?"
He read it and smiled a dreamy sort of smile stretching and yawning at the same time.
He nodded yes and gave no indication that he planned to move from his spot anytime soon.
I got up and began to walk over to his chair, suddenly surprised that I was not feeling wobbly, nor was I weaving back and forth any more. I was actually walking a straight path to where Hugo sprawled over the arm chair.
I sat on his lap and leaned on top of him avoiding placing any weight on his stomach, which he had just filled amply. He put one arm around my back and reached between my side and my arm to hold my waist. I still had the pad, and I wrote a few more words for Hugo to read...
"Do you have to work today?" I wrote
He shook his head no.
"Sunday?" I continued.
He shook his head no again...
"Ohhhhhhh," I wrote.... "Then you can visit here with me for two days?" I queried.
Hugo reached for the pen and pad and wrote, "I have to go home for a while later this afternoon, but I'll be back tonight..."
"Humm!" I wrote.
"Gotta get home to your boyfriend, right?" I teased.
"Suuuuure!" he wrote, underlined it with two wavy lines, and looked at me with a silly smile.
"Oh? What's his name," I continued...
"No boyfriend!!!" he wrote quickly.
"Nooooooo???" I wrote back in mock surprise.
"A handsome wonderful guy like you shouldn't have any trouble getting a boyfriend...Why no boyfriend?" I continued writing playfully...
Hugo gave me the finger! and smiled.
I laughed and grabbed his ears and planted a big wet smooch on his nose.
He looked mortified.
I laughed at him again and snuggled up close.
Hugo then grabbed my balls--well made an attempt to grab them--but I was too quick. I turned in place to avoid his hand, but he poked me in the ass instead! Playing childish games with Hugo was more fun than I'd allowed myself in years.
Then Hugo launched an all out assault on me grabbing me around the arms in a bear hug of maximum squeeze. Now he was in complete control, and he was not going to relinquish it for any reason... I pulled on his huge arms trying to break his hold, but that was useless. Hugo is a powerful man, and in play or in earnest, this man would prevail, of that I had no doubt... Then he let me go and began to tickle me...
I fell on the bed and curled up in a ball and thrashed around laughing while Hugo poked at me and found every sensitive, ticklish place on my body.
And finally he lay on top of me not allowing me to move while he kissed me on my neck and ears.
And I kissed him back. There was only our love.
After a few moments, Hugo got up off of me and looked at the time on the digital clock on the bedside table. It was nearly 3pm. He took the pad and wrote: "I have to go now. I can come back tonight... Ok?"
I took the pad and wrote in reply, "I WANT you to come back..."
He smiled happy to see me confirm that I wanted to be with him continuously. Then he gathered everything together in order to remove the remnants of our meal, kissed me, and rolled the cart out of the room... He waved good-by as the door was closing behind him, leaving me alone in my room.
Actually, I felt that I could sleep. I was a little tired, but it had been quite a long time since I'd felt tired like this; so I concluded I was making progress. I lie back on the pillow and fell asleep-- it seemed instantly...
When I woke, sunlight was filtering through the window blinds making orange-ish golden stripes on the bed sheets. I stretched realizing where I was. "Good grief, in the hospital," I thought.
I really hadn't gotten used to being in a hospital of all places. Mine was never the helpless role in life. Although my parents could afford to send me to college after high school, I threw myself into my studies and finished in 5 years with a double major in Electrical Engineering and Mathematics.
After a six year stint in the Air Force, I settled in as a mathematics instructor at a sleepy little private college outside of San Diego.
And now, after four years and some butt kissing, I'm working as an Associate Professor of Mathematics with Full Professor and Department Chair right around the career corner I'm thinking.
The door to the room squeaked open, and I recognized the nurse, Jake, looking into the room.
"Oh, you're awake, I see," he said as he came in. I stretched at his reference to my having been sleeping and said, "Yep, this is beginning to feel like a vacation; you know, I'm actually feeling much better. And I'm not used to just lying around doing nothing." I answered.
"Well, it's 7 pm and the Visitor's Desk just phoned the nurses' station to ask whether you are able to have visitors," Jake said.
"And are you?" he went on.
"Who is it?? I asked.
"The name they gave me was Howard Cho." Jake answered.
"Oh! Yeah! Sure," I said. "Howard is a guy from work."
"Then I'll tell them they can send him up?" Jake asked again, just to confirm that I wanted to see this visitor.
"Yes." as I nodded.
In what seemed like no time the door squeaked open again and Howard stuck his head into the room and said with some tentativeness, "Mind if I come in?"
"Oh, sure, Howard, please come on in. I'm really glad to see you. Being in the hospital has been like being in another world for me. You make me feel normal again." I said.
"You're looking well," Howard said, still not quite sure whether I was as normal as I looked.
"We've all been worried about you, Kevin," Howard told me
"No one knew what had happened to you. It wasn't until you missed your Tuesday classes and the department secretary tried to reach you by phone that we found out you were in the hospital. She phoned the police who had impounded your car after the paramedics brought you here."
"Oh, God,? I said. "I'd forgotten about the car!"
"I'll bet I've run up a huge storage bill there. Do you know where they took it?" I asked.
"No. I didn't ask." Howard said. "All I cared about was what had happened to you and where you were."
"Uh... Well," I stammered. "I had some kind of spinal meningitis, the doctors think, but they aren't sure. I lost everything, Howard. You wouldn't believe..." I told him.
I went on, "I lost consciousness and woke up over two weeks later in this place..." Howard asked about all of the details.
"But I'm still not quite over the distortions," I said.
"My vision is mostly ok, but I still can't move my eyes to look down below my chin... It's weird. And it's been only a few hours since I was able to take a few steps in a straight line. I still lose my balance off and on and have to grab the door to the bathroom or the bed when I stand."
Howard asked, "So I hope you aren't thinking of going back to work for a while. It seems you are actually still healing and not nearly ready to put up with four freshman calculus classes a day quite yet..."
"Oh, God, not yet, I don't think"
"Well, I wouldn't push myself about coming back until I was really ready," Howard instructed me with concern in his eyes.
He went on. "It would seem to me that you'd want to be completely 100% before thinking about that. And you ought to take at least a month off, before you do think about returning."
"The department will re-assign your classes, and some poor schmuck will earn a bit of overtime for his trouble. Kibinsky is always hungry for more money," Howard said.
"Gosh, Howard thanks for your suggestions. All I can think about is getting out of here and getting back to my normal routine. I haven't really thought about my being ready to go back," I said.
"Yes. I thought you'd be like that. Kevin, you work very hard with those classes, and the brain drain represented by grading four sets of calculus exams every week sounds very unreasonable for you at this point... "
"You need rest, Kevin... Uh... if I may say so...," Howard said with some embarrassment at being so direct.
By nature, Howard was a very observant, precise, and accommodating person who would never impose himself into anyone's personal life. But, clearly this was an occasion when exception to his usually non-interventionist nature was in order, and he voluntarily assumed a measure of directive suggestion.
"Thank God the university gives us a good medical insurance program. I'm sure this escapade is running up a hefty tab," I observed out loud.
"Yes. That's one very persuasive reason to stay on there. I don't think we'll become wealthy grading calculus papers, but we're not suffering either," Howard agreed.
"And the time off will be easy to arrange. Do you want me to get the paperwork rolling for a sabbatical?" Howard said, and then he added, "Listen, Kevin, you really ought not think about returning until next semester."
"But that's three months away," I exclaimed with some shock...
"So?" Howard replied.
"So, they might replace me... or.... who knows what...? I said with a trace of fear surfacing.
"Oh, Kevin, just WHEN was the last time you ever heard of someone being canned from that place? If you decided to come back in 6 months in a wheelchair with an IV bag and an oxygen tank hung on the side, they'd find a class load for you..." Howard said laughing.
I smiled somewhat embarrassed at my naivete ."Okay. Okay. You're right. Write me up for a sabbatical to last until... Uh? NEXT JANUARY: that's in three months, and I'll sign on the dotted line," I said.
"Sure. You'll be here for a few days, I guess; so I'll drop the papers back one day next week for you to sign," Howard proposed.
"Well, if I'm not here, I won't be going very far with my car in the impound lot," I joked.
"And you don't sound as if you'd even be walking very far for a while either," Howard added.
Howard looked me in the eye and asked seriously, "How does a guy who lives alone and has no relatives near-by take care of business? Would you want me to help, Kevin?"
"That's really kind of you, Howard, and I'll depend on you to communicate with the university, if you don't mind, but I think I can muster up someone to help me with other details..." I responded.
Howard said, "Well, if you're sure..."
I continued, "You're really a great friend and colleague, Howard. I can't begin to tell you how much I appreciate your offering to help. And, of course, I may just have to call on you sometime if this thing doesn't resolve in a positive way." And then I paused to think for a moment before saying, "But I'm hopeful, given the way it seems to be going so far."
Having found me on the mend and with his mission accomplished, Howard seemed happy, and he reached out to shake my hand-- so unlike Howard-- to let me know he was trying to be a real, caring human being. I held on to his hand and pulled him toward me in the bed. Howard lost his balance (He was bent over so far), and he fell against me lying there. I gave him a hug and laughed, "Howard, Are you coming on to me?" I said.
Howard turned deep red he was so mortified and so out of his element.
Then he smiled and said, "Kevin, you make me feel silly... I'll get your paperwork. You'll have to find your own bed partner."
And then he backed up bumping into the door. I smiled and waved as he turned to leave. "Tell everyone I said Hi!" I called out as he left.
And the door squeaked shut behind Howard.
I began thinking about three whole months with no work responsibilities. "This ought to be like vacations I had as a kid, when school was off for three months. That is, if I don't start feeling guilty for doing nothing," I thought.
I glanced over at the clock. It was 8pm, and I was beginning to wonder when Hugo would be back. The stripes of sunlight on the bed were gone now. These late September evenings brought darkness a bit earlier than even a few weeks earlier.
I always enjoyed evenings. It was a time of peace and protection from high energy demands of the day. And it seemed I'd get ample relief from my usual responsibilities for quite a while, now that Howard had helped me lay out a plan for myself.
The door squeaked open, and Hugo slipped in carrying a bag from the supermarket.
I turned over to the bedside table to grab the pad and pen. I scribbled, "WHAT'CHA GOT???"
He formed the words "GOOD food" with his lips, and he brought the bag over to the bed.
I looked inside and saw apples and a plastic container of fresh blueberries, two pears and a bag of organic broccoli and cauliflower flourettes with a tub of garlic eggplant hummus.
"Holy shit," I said out loud... He got the point! Smiling he emptied the entire bag on top of me in the bed.
Hugo took the pad and wrote, "You don't get enough fresh food. You need good food to get well."
"Well, I eat what the hospital sends up. You telling me I ought to send it back?" I wrote.
Hugo scribbled, "Yeah... most of it... but I watch it for you when I can..."
I took the pad and wrote back, "How did you get so interested in food?"
"My little brother, Jilder, needs to heal too. I wanted to help him; so I read books about how to eat," Hugo wrote below my question.
I asked him, "What's wrong with your brother?"
"He has something wrong with his ribs. They are trying to grow in instead of out, suffocating his heart and lungs; things can't grow right inside. He lives in a special care clinic for children. I went to visit him today."
"Oh My God! How old is he?" I wrote.
" Eleven, almost 12" was Hugo's reply.
I took the pad back and scribbled hastily, "And where are your parents?"
"They live in Mexico." Hugo wrote.
"My parents came to San Diego about 7 or 8 years ago when Jilder was 5 and I was 18, and they didn't want to stay; so they went back."
"And you kept your little brother here with you in San Diego and took care of him since then?" I asked incredulous at what I'd just learned.
"Yes." Hugo added looking into my eyes with an almost apologetic expression. Then he looked down at the bed full of fresh fruit and vegetables.
I was speechless. I didn't know what to write. I just looked at him.
"Are you mad?" he asked using the pad again.
"MAD? Oh, God, nooo! I love you all the more for it..." I wrote.
Hugo read it and let the pad drop to the bed. He didn't look at me... He just hung his head.
I reached over with my hand and turned his face toward me, moving my lips I asked silently, "What's wrong?"
Hugo picked up the pad and wrote, "I try, but he's not doing good..."
"He needs to have an operation to put in a steel bar across the inside of his ribs to stop them from growing inward and crowding his lungs...He can't breath good. I'm trying to get help from the government. We are illegal. There's no money," he wrote.
I'd never heard of anything like that before, but I could just imagine the medical cost for inserting a steel rod in the boy's ribcage. "And would the bar stay in forever? Surely it would have to come out eventually?" I thought. God, life seemed so hopeless sometime.
I took the pad from Hugo and wrote, "Would they help if you paid part of the cost?"
"I don't know. It's about $40,000, I think," Hugo said.
Reading that, I thought about Hugo's own medical condition that Jake had told me about earlier, and I grabbed the pad back and started writing furiously: "What about your hearing? Jake told me that you've been deaf since you were little, and YOU need help too. Didn't the doctors look at you? What did they say about your hearing? Can they do anything to help you hear again?"
Hugo started picking up the fruit from where it was scattered on the bed. He didn't make any attempt to answer my questions.
"HUGO!" I wrote across an entire page.
He just continued to pick up the food and place it back in the large paper sack from the supermarket. He was ignoring me.
"Oh, baby," I said knowing he couldn't hear me. I reached up to touch his arm. He still wouldn't look at me.
I got up on my knees in the bed and took the paper sack away from Hugo and gently pulled him to my chest and rocked him back and forth.
He began to cry. This huge hulking man was beaten beyond any measure of hope or salvation. There was nothing he could do about his brother's needs, and when I brought up his own need, it pushed him over the edge... I just held him, and he wept deeply.
I held him there for what seemed like forever. Then he crumpled up and collapsed onto the bed as he continued to weep; I fell over with him not allowing him to slip from my arms. And he wept even more-- loud, gut wrenching sobs that seemed never to dry up.
Finally he was quiet and all curled up in the fetal position: Spent from grief.
I pushed his recently grown, wavy, black hair back out of his face and kissed him very gently on the side of his head next to his ear. I just did what my instincts told me. I had no thoughts at all, only a sadness that weighed me down like none other I'd ever felt.
"Wait a minute!" I thought. Papa said that Hugo needed me, and papa also said something about a brother... Maybe this is part of what I am going to be doing differently?
When that thought entered my mind, I sat up and rubbed Hugo's shoulder and back trying to sooth him as best I could. He was such a big man, and he was on his side now. His eyes were closed, and his breathing was calm, but he didn't look ready to sit up and communicate with me. I just kissed him again and sat there rubbing his big body waiting for him.
In a few moments, he sighed and stretched his arms and legs, opened his eyes and turned his head to look at me. He looked right at me. I smiled and bent down and kissed him on the nose.
He rubbed his nose with the back of his hand in mock disgust...
I shoved his big body like I was on his case, and gave him a thoroughly wet kiss on the forehead.
He covered his face with both hands hiding a developing smile and then buried his face in the rumpled up bed sheets.
I looked around for the pad, and when I spotted it, I leaned over to pick it up. Then I wrote.
"So tell me... What did the doctors say about your hearing???"
Hugo took the pad and wrote very slowly, "I don't know... something about maybe they could do somthin so I could hear again.... they have some special operation..."
I followed up eagerly, "And did they say whether it was a sure thing? I mean would it work?"
Hugo took the pad back and once again very, very slowly and laboriously wrote, "Kevin, thank you for caring about me, but doctors cost money...LOTS! and I just don't have money. So forget it..."
I took the pad back and wrote, "WHY?"
Hugo looked up at me as if I had suggested he fly to the moon... I did feel a little foolish because I had no idea what was possible, but now that I understood Hugo's obstacles, I couldn't go back to my own ignorance.
I wrote some more, "No, really Hugo. I think we ought to call the doctors again and see what they propose and find out exactly what it would cost. It's possible, if the procedure is experimental, they might have funding for it already..."
"I don't want no doctor experimenting on me!" Hugo wrote in no uncertain terms.
"No, no, no." I wrote too. "I don't either..."
"But you have to hear the details from them before you can make any decisions. Please bring me the papers they gave you, and let me read what they say. Then maybe you will talk to me about it some more," I suggested in a long, written message.
"Will you bring me the papers?" I wrote again.
Hugo rolled over and covered his head with the spread that was in a tangle at the foot of the bed by now. He was acting like a 180-pound 5-year-old.
"Hugo!" I called out as I put my mouth on his neck and blew blubbery lips as hard as I could while poking him in his sides and in his stomach.
He wouldn't uncover his face.
"Hugo!" I called knowing he couldn't hear a thing I said... Then I picked up the pad of paper and began swatting him gently in the head where he had covered himself with the spread.
That did it! Hugo uncovered his head and grabbed my arm and pulled me down on top of him getting me back in that super bear hug almost squeezing my breath away.
I still had the pad, and I pointed at where I had asked to see the doctor's papers, and I hit that part of the message over and over... Hugo just ignored my efforts and squeezed me more and rolled over on top of me. I buried my face in his chest and yelled loudly to make vibrations tickle his body...
He felt the vibrations I was making, and he reached out and tilted my face up where he held it and kissed me on the lips.
In a few moments he let me up. Immediately I held up the pad and tapped it right where my request for the doctor's papers was written...
Hugo put his monstrous hand right over my face and pushed me gently backward onto the pillows. With that he started looking around for his bag of fruit and veggies.
On one entire page of the pad I wrote,"PLEEEEEZE!"
He smiled-- and probably just to shut me up-- mouthed the word, "Okay."