Hey people, I go on holiday tomorrow so I won't be able to work on the story or write e-mails and stuff so if you write to me then it might take a while for me to reply to you. Do write though, it'll give me something nice to come home to! wanna_get_lucky@hotmail.com Speak t'ya all soon!
Time Will Tell Chapter 13 - Revelation
"Hi Mrs. S., is Conner in?"
"No, I'm afraid he isn't back yet."
"Oh! Do you know where he went?"
"He said he was going out. He didn't say where but that he'd be at yours for about one Danny." Ow. He hadn't been to mine yet and it was two thirty, he'd lied to his parents and to me, I felt abused and hurt, why had he lied to me, what didn't he want me to know about?
"Oh! Well maybe he's running late from wherever he had been. He mentioned something about footy training I think, could that be where he is?"
"No, the clubs finished for the holidays they don't start up again until the beginning of term. I wonder where he is, I'm surprised that he'd be late to go to yours! If it'll save any hassle I'll call him on his mobile for you if you like, he should have it with him."
"No that should be OK Mrs. Shears, he'll probably wait at mine, if he does come back and miss me on the way, tell him I'll stay at mine and he can come over when he's ready."
"OK Danny, will do. I'll see you soon OK?"
"Sure have a good Christmas if I don't see you before."
"Oh, that reminds me, would you be able to come here for Christmas lunch?"
"I'm not too sure, I'll ask my mum if she's doing a family dinner or lunch. If it coincides with her meal she'd probably prefer me to stay home. Thanks very much for the invite though. I'll let you know as soon as I do."
"OK Danny. Bye."
"Bye Mrs. S."
As I began my walk home, my mind started to play with a few ideas. Why had Conner lied to me? He had told me that he had work to do at home before he was allowed out. He said that he had house chores and knowing his mum they wouldn't be finished till dinner time or late afternoon. I had intended to go round and help him finish what he had to do because I was starting to miss him. I hadn't seen him the day before or the day before that. In fact I'd only seen him twice in the first week of the Christmas holidays. He had been making excuses like family friends coming for the day and visiting relatives for not being able to see me. Now I had found out that he had lied to me about his days activities today I began to wonder how many of his other excuses were true. I felt angry that he'd lied to me. What was he doing that he didn't want me to know about? I could never lie to him. I felt cheated.
I made it home and walked in through the front door, I could see my mum in the living room watching the telly. I knew that if she saw my face now she'd know that something was wrong and I didn't want to have to talk about it. I was more keen on wallowing in my own self pity at the moment. I walked quietly passed since she hadn't notice me come home yet. Why had Conner been ignoring me, was he avoiding me? I continued my silent path up the stairs and was disappointed to meet Sean on my way up.
"You OK Danny?"
"Yeah fine." I answered sadly.
"What's wrong? Tell me."
"Conner's avoiding me."
"Why? What happened?"
"I don't know. I haven't seen him all week practically and he's lied to me about where he was going to be today." I had walked to my room with Sean in tow and had slumped down on my bed.
"Could he have just changed his plans?"
"No, he said he had chores to do around the house and his mum said he hasn't been in all day."
"Oh."
"Why did he lie to me?"
"I couldn't tell, it's probably nothing important. Maybe it's something personal he has to do."
"He'd have told me. Besides he still lied to me."
"Sorry bro. There's nothing I can suggest, I'm afraid, you're on your own. I'm sure you'll sort it out soon though." With that he waved bye and left my room closing my door behind him. Sean seemed to be a bit complacent about my problem. It hurt me that he was, but I put it down to him thinking that I was over reacting.
Had I done something wrong? Had I said something to upset him? I couldn't remember him being upset though, I'd of noticed if I'd hurt his feelings. I couldn't think of anything that I might have done to make him feel that he had to avoid me. Had he grown tired of me? Impossible, he loved me. Or was I just so blindly in love with him that I didn't realise that he wasn't in love with me? Did he not want to go out with me anymore? I was terrified that that might be the truth. I began to feel seriously miserable. What would he see in me anyway, I'm fat, I'm not exactly the most good looking guy in Britain, there are a lot of things that I would like to change about myself. Why should I hold Conner back? He was trying to move on. I began sobbing, water streaming from my eyes. The thought of Conner not being in love with me was breaking my heart. I wanted him so bad and couldn't think of any reason why he should stay with me. He was the most gorgeous, breath taking guy I had ever seen in my life. He's the kind of kid that you get in films. He was perfect in every way, mentally and physically. He's smart, caring, outgoing, beautiful in every way, perfect smile, perfect teeth, body, everything. Why would he be with me? He could have any girl he wanted and he could probably make a lot of straight guys want to reconsider their sexuality! He didn't want me anymore, I would have to stop pestering him so that I could at least salvage some friendship for when he did break up with me.
I was crying openly now, my face screwed up, my eyes pouring out tears that rolled down felling as if they burnt my cheeks. I couldn't face life without my boyfriend, without my Conner.
"Danny! Sweetheart what's wrong?" My mum had come into my room, she'd probably used that weird ESP thing that mums use to find out how their kid is feeling at any given moment. I couldn't answer her though, I was crying too much. I just laid there with her arms wrapped around me as best as she could get them, her rocking me slightly from side to side and giving me the occasional kiss on the cheek in a bid to calm me down. It didn't work. I just carried on crying. "I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong darling."
"Conner's been avoiding him and lying to him." Sean was standing in my doorway again.
"Oh Danny. I'm so sorry. Do you have any idea why?" I managed to shake my head and hold back some of my cries managing to finally recompose myself.
"He hasn't seen him all week." Sean said continuing to fill my mother in with the details of my problem.
"I'm sure he isn't doing it to you on purpose Danny. If it's any consolation when your father and I started going out, he would ignore me for weeks or so from time to time."
"No that doesn't help at all mum, you're divorcing each other remember?"
"I suppose that was a bad example. Conner will come round though, he'll realise what he's missing out on soon enough." I thought differently but didn't say so.
"Can I get you anything?"
"No, I'd just like to be left alone for a while please."
"OK, but I'll be downstairs if you want anything OK?"
"OK." With that she left me to my sulking again.
I heard a gentle knocking on my door.
"What?"
The door opened and my mum came into my room again.
"It's Conner for you. I told you he'd be back!" She handed the phone to me and walked out closing the door behind her.
"Hi."
"Hey, what you up to?"
"Nothing."
"What's wrong? You sound upset. What is it Danny, what's wrong?"
"Nothing. It's all right." His voice alone had cheered me up marginally.
"The hell it is, I'm coming over wait there." He hung up and I turned my phone off. I felt stupid, he was going to come over and find me in a right mess, hearing his voice had cheered me up. He had pulled me out of my self-worthlessness mode straight away. I suddenly felt sure that I had majorly over reacted.
He was in my room within five minutes, my mum had let him in the house. I just lay on my side on the bed, took one look at him and felt guilty and sad again, I don't know why.
"What's wrong Danny?" He lay beside me on the bed trying to win my eye contact which I avoided. "Come on precious, tell me."
"Conner, what do you see in me?"
"What's brought this on? What do you mean? I love you Danny, you can't doubt that can you?" I felt even more guilty now, I felt a tear roll down the side of my face as I tried not to burst out into another flurry of tears. "I love you more than life itself Danny. I see everything in you Danny, your intelligent, sensitive, funny, caring. I could go on and on and on but eventually I would run out of words that I could use to describe just how much you mean to me, you should know that."
I just lay there, I had another question to ask him. I was afraid to though. I was afraid that he'd think I was checking up on him or something. I couldn't bring myself to ask him.
"I can't help but feel that I'm not good enough for you babes. Look at me, I'm not the most good looking guy in the world, I'm an emotional wreck half the time.."
"Hey, hey, hey! That's enough of that! You're none of those things! You are the best looking thing that I've ever seen! What's brought this on Danny, why are you so upset?"
"Have you been avoiding me?" Conner looked at me a little upset that I'd asked him.
"No. Not at all. What gave you that impression?"
"I went over to yours earlier to help you with your chores and you weren't home, you haven't been home all day. And you've said that you've been visiting relatives and entertaining family guests all week. This is the second time that I've seen you in a week of the holidays, I see you more at school." Conner smiled at me. He smiled at me? What was going on here?
"That's so sweet! You've really missed me haven't you. Ahhh I missed you too hunny! If you must know I've been in town today with Kate looking for your Christmas present, that's why I couldn't tell you what I was really doing because I know you'd probably stalk me to try and see what I was getting you and I really have been stuck with family and friends all week. I f I'd have known that you'd get this upset I would have invited you to join me but I didn't want to subject you to the boredom levels that I have to suffer. I'm sorry hunny!"
I felt guilt start burning into me now as well as embarrassment.
"No it's me that should be sorry babes, I should have trusted you."
"Look, forget it. It's nice to know that you care this much about me anyway." I lay there in silence as Conner ran his gentle fingers through my hair.
"I love you Danny. So much. Don't ever doubt that again OK?
"I love you to Conner. I'm so lucky to have you."
"Not as lucky as I am to have you!"
"Sean? Are you OK? You haven't seemed yourself lately."
"I'm fine, a little worried about my geography course work but otherwise I'm OK."
"You sure?"
"Uh huh."
"There is something wrong, I can tell. You know you can talk to me don't you?"
"Yeah, but there isn't anything wrong."
"Sure?"
"YES!" His sudden shout surprised me. I was obviously annoying him. He didn't want to talk about his problem. "Oh, I'm sorry Danny. I shouldn't have shouted like that. I have a problem, but I can't really talk about it with you. I'm sorry."
"We always used to talk about our problems together, why has that changed now?"
"It's nothing personal, it would upset you though."
"Then don't I have a right to know, if it involves me?"
"Try and forget it Danny, I've said too much already."
"Is it to do with me going out with Conner, does it bother you?"
"No, why do you always think that. It's as if you expect there to be problem with it. Whenever anyone gets upset or pissed off with you, that's the first thing that you come out with. 'Are you upset because I'm gay?' You always ask that, just stop it. People aren't always as closed minded as you assume them to be." He shocked me a bit. He seemed to be quite angry with me about something but he was refusing to talk about it."
"Why are you so pissed off with me Sean? What have I done?"
"I am not going to tell you."
"Why not?"
"I've told you, it would upset you."
"I'd rather be a bit upset that have you angry with me when I don't know why."
"Not in this case."
"Why?"
"Because."
"Don't give me that, I want a real reason. Don't go getting childish on me."
"I'm not being childish. You are, you don't have to know everything about everyone Danny."
"I just want to know how I've pissed you off so much so that I don't do it again."
"You're just being fucking nosy that's all."
"I'm not being nosy Sean! All I want is to help you with a problem but as always you have to be a big man about it. You think you can solve everything, you're so fucking stubborn sometimes, I want to help you and you throw fucking insults back at me. Fuck you then, I won't help you. Be a know-it-all little prick, see if I care."
"FINE! You want to know my problem? You want to know what pisses me off so much about you?"
"I don't really give a shit anymore Sean. You've missed your opportunity now."
"No, no. That's all right I'll tell you, then we'll see if it's better you knowing or not."
"Fine, go on then. What's been bothering you Sean?
"You fucked the guy I'm in love with."
There is a moment in everyone's life when something happens inside you, something changes and you are left realising that the world does not actually revolve around you. You are left to try and find a placement in life. That was the exact instant in my life when I became aware. I stopped seeing Sean as my brother but as another person who was trying to overcome the problems that life seems to set aside for you. The only thing was his obstacle was me, if he loved Conner anywhere as much as I did then I felt truly sorry for him. I would not, however, stand down, I would fight for Conner even against my own brother.
We both stood there in the kitchen, I looked on at my brother with shock on my face. My feelings murky, and all mixed up. I didn't know if I felt sorry for him or angry. I couldn't believe what he had just said either. Both myself and my brother were attracted to men, Sean must be bisexual though, he had already lost his virginity to Star Mariscal. We stood in silence, looking at each other. I tried to work out what to say, one thing was right though: I wish that he hadn't told me.
Uh oh! What's gunna happen next. Is Danny going to take the news well? Will Conner find out? Will Conner reconsider his relationship with Danny? Who knows? Time will tell. See y'all wanna_get_lucky@hotmail.com