Time Will Tell

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Time Will Tell Chapter 16 - Perfidy

There are things that happen in this world that nobody wants to have to deal with. When you are younger there seem to be more. I felt that I had had more than most kids my age. Was that right? I didn't feel like a kid, but any adult would say that I was, I think anyway. Some teachers call you son, boy, young man or just your plain old first name. My mum invariably calls me sweetheart, darling or her baby. I definitely wasn't a baby, I may cry a lot for a guy my age but I put that down to hormones and stuff.

My life's trials had thankfully worked themselves out for the most part. The ones that remained poignant in my head were being outted a couple of years ago. Thankfully I had met Trix and most of my other good friends that remained with me till this day. I had fallen in love with Conner thinking he was as straight as straight could be, but that one had certainly sorted itself out. I don't know what I would have done without him in my life, had he been straight I can't imagine how my life would have turned out. I had problems with Trix accepting Conner and I at one stage but that didn't seem to be a problem anymore.

One problem I had never expected was the one I faced at the moment though. I have a terrible habit of ignoring the problems that I have hoping that they will go away. I had ignored the fact that my dad had left home, that he had phoned to say sorry and that I told him that I hated him. Now he had left thousands of pounds worth of car on the drive for me. I realised for the first time in my life that he did really love me and care about me. I realised also that he wasn't around when I needed him, not anymore.

"Hey." Sean had walked downstairs quietly for the first time in years. Usually he seemingly jumped down one to the next. He looked sheepishly at me. A face that had become commonplace since he told me that he loved my boyfriend.

"Hey." I said upset.

"You OK?"

"You care?" I was bitter with him still. He had tried to be friendly with me since his revelation but I usually did my best to let him know that I wasn't that interested anymore (a lie though).

"Did you have an argument with Conner? You seem upset."

"Ha, you'd love that wouldn't you?" I laughed sarcastically at him.

"Yeah, I would. I'd also be concerned though because he would be just as upset and you are still my brother whether you like it or not."

"No anyway."

"Then what is it? What's wrong?"

"Why do you care? What difference does it make to you?"

"You're my brother. We have to live in the same house as each other don't we. We used to talk to each other about almost everything, I never wanted to lose that Danny."

"Just because we live together, just because we're brothers and because we've been close in the past does NOT mean that I want or ever will want anything to do with you again Sean. Do you hear me? Get it into that back-stabbing little head of yours that as far as I'm concerned you are nothing to me anymore. Apart from biologically, you are not my brother. Do you get it?" I hadn't meant a word of what I had just said. I was angry and upset, with Sean's news and with the state of affairs with my dad.

Sean had gone white. He stood clearly hurt by the things that I had just told him. I saw his face crumple and his hands quickly reach for his eyes. He looked as if to turn and run away but instead he just turned back to facing the chair that I had planted myself in about quarter of an hour beforehand and fell down to sit on the stair that he had been standing on. He cried pretty quietly, sitting hiding his face. I looked on at him feeling the pang of guilt infect my body. I felt ill from it. Seeing my brother sit and cry for the first time that I knew about since he broke his leg at ten. I slowly lifted myself out of the chair and approached him timidly and nervously.

"Sean. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it. I should not have said that, it wasn't fair of me." I sat next to him and placed my arms over him as best I could. Thankfully he turned and buried his face into my chest, hiding his face so as his tears were not visible and hugged me back with a strong grip.

"I'm so, so sorry Danny. I didn't mean to, I didn't want this to happen. I never wanted to fall in love with Conner, I'm so sorry Danny. I just can't help it." He blurted it all out so fast it was almost incomprehensible, the fact that most of it was mixed with hard sobs didn't help either.

"Don't Sean. I know how you feel and I'm just sorry that you can't have it."

"It's just so hard knowing that it's possible to have him but that I can't because he's taken and I'm sorry that it's me who wants him too." By this time I was crying myself. "You have every right in the world to hate me Danny, but I never wanted that to happen. I understand that you don't want to talk to me. I'm sorry. So sorry Danny."

"Don't be, I know that you can't help who you fall in love with. It's unavoidable, I know that. I don't hate you though, I didn't mean what I just said. I just had a shock this morning and I took my anger out on you. Don't you think that I hate you, I love you Sean. Like you said, You're my brother we ARE really close and I don't want to lose that."

Sean didn't say anything else and I just sat there next to him, trying to comfort his diminishing sobs. We sat there for about ten minutes in all. We stopped crying and just sat there hugging each other.

"We've never fought like this before Sean."

"I never wanted to either. We've never really fought with each other at all. Not even as little kids."

"I know, we even share the same friends. We're really close and I don't want to change that."

"I think it's a bit late for that now."

"I don't, we can work through this. It sounds pretty nasty of me, I know, but you'll find someone. There is someone out there for you and you'll get them. It just wasn't meant to be Conner."

"I hope so."

"I know so. Sean, I didn't mean those things I said. You are my brother, I'm proud to have you as my brother. I can't begin to imagine how you must feel about me being with Conner."

"I know how much you love each other, I can see it. Maybe it's just me that wants to feel it too. Maybe I'm not in love with Conner but just want what you two have."

"It might make sense."

"It sure feels strong though. I think about him and how he fit's in to my life and I like it. I can't stop thinking about it. It's what I want. I'm sorry I shouldn't talk about this with you."

"No, it does make some sense though. You see him and I together and you want to have that kind of relationship too, you're just confused about who you want it with though that's all."

"Hopefully. Do you think that that could be it? Like a phase I'm going through?"

"Hopefully." A minute of silence passed us by as we sat on the step. I hoped that our psychological analysis of the situation was correct but a nagging thought in the back of my head kept telling me I was being far too optimistic. We sat quietly thinking our own thoughts. "Hungry?"

"Yeah. Do we have any bacon?"

"Let's have a look." I said as I got up. I was more at home with my brother again now, I felt that even if he'd been trying to throw me off track with his theory (a cynical idea I know, but he is a clever little guy, I wasn't even sure if he would want to deceive me like that) that he would never try anything to ruin my relationship.

The fridge was decidedly empty. Populated only by milk that was starting to show it's age and left over turkey and stuffing (sandwich fillers for the next few days no doubt). We had butter, ketchup, some Bud's and a couple of tomato's that looked as if they belonged on that mass fruit grave yard, hidden behind the counter, that the grocer always takes his clients food from as opposed to the delicious looking ones that you get in the window.

"Looks like we're going to have to improvise Sean, we have a serious lack of everything in here."

"I'll check the bread, hang on. OK, there's a bunch of slices in the middle which don't feel too stale. We can have toast at least, do we have any marmite you know?"

"Yeah, just don't put that shit anywhere near me."

"Yeah." He laughed. He seemed to be more at ease every minute that we spent with each other. "So what was it that gave you a shock this morning? You said something before."

"Oh shit!" I had completely forgotten. I stood up and beckoned my brother to follow me. I led him to the front door and opened it. I gestured to him to step outside as he looked at me quizzically. He stepped out and immediately hugged himself with his arms to protect himself from the cold. He looked briefly towards the drive then did a double take after having looked the opposite direction. He looked back at me again even more confused now. He began to walk over to the new car sitting in the drive.

"Who's is this?"

"Mine." I said handing him the card that I had taken from my jacket pocket before joining him outside. He stood and read the card, then looked up at me. Have you opened the boot yet?"

"I haven't touched the car at all yet."

"Open it." I took the key's from my pocket and opened the small boot on the car. Inside was a small envelope. Sean reached in and took out his present. He opened it and his eyes went wide, he read the card and handed it to me.

Happy Christmas Sean,

You'll get your car a year from now, I hope to see you before then though obviously. This cheque is to keep you going until then.

I love you so much

Dad.

I looked at the cheque and couldn't believe that dad would have given Sean œ700. I looked to Sean whose eye's were beginning to water.

"What the hell are you leaving the front door open for in the middle of winter you two? What's all this?" Mum looked as confused as Sean had done minutes before, she was still in her dressing gown and slippers. She began to walk towards us quietly.

"They were here when I came home mum."

I handed her the card that Sean had received his gift in. She read it looking less and less confused, once she had read the card I handed her the cheque and her eyes widened as much as Sean's had. She looked up at me.

"And the car? For you?" I simply nodded. Mum looked astonished. "Wow."

"I know. Mum, what should we do?"

"How do you mean?"

"These gifts. They're too much, Dad'll be broke if we keep these."

"I don't think he will be Danny. He has full control over the business now remember."

"Even so, they seem excessive. It seems as if he's trying to win back our love."

"I don't think he is, he always said that he'd buy you your first car and that it would be special because his wasn't when he was young."

"He really does love us doesn't he mum?" Sean asked, tears forming again and his voice sounding husky from trying not to cry.

"He is your father Sean, of course he loves you. Both of you."

"Mum, you won't be angry if I try and speak to him will you?" Sean asked.

"Of course not sweetheart. I can't stop you from speaking to your own father, I have no right to. I don't even mind."

Sean went to hug mum, his attempts to prevent his crying failing finally. I joined them as we walked back into the house. I felt strange again, love was something that I had never really received from my dad, now I knew that it was there after all this time, I didn't know what to do with it.

"Hey, hey, hey Danny boy. Good Christmas?"

"Hey Trix. Yeah interesting at least, yours?"

"Not too bad. A bit boring you know?"

"Yeah? So what did you get then?"

"A new music system from my parents, driving lessons from my grandparents, for when I'm 17 that is, money and the compulsory Christmas socks from parents friends. You?"

"Oh you know, socks, fuckin' totes some of 'em, err, money, bathroom things, a Ben Sherman shirt from my aunt, a DVD player from mum and a '99 body-kitted flame- red Mini Cooper with leather interior, walnut dashboard, stage one exhaust, beautiful alloys, shox suspension and a fitted CD player from my dad."

"No fucking way! You're kidding right? You didn't get that, or it's a model car right?"

"Not a fucking chance mate, this is the real thing. Engine the lot!"

"I'll be there in ten minutes." With that he slammed the phone down.

"Trix coming round then?" Asked Luke who had already finished drooling over my first set of wheels.

"Yeah. He'll want to drive it I can tell that already."

"Tell me about it. You're a right lucky bastard you know that?"

"Uh huh. It's just a shame that I don't get to drive it till February, that'll be the hard part having that beast sitting in the garage for two months, waiting you know?"

"At least it'll be there for you when you can drive. You don't have to wait till April to get your licence anyway."

"Ahh, you know I'll end up driving you round anyway."

"There is a down side you know?"

"What's that?"

"There's not much room on the back seat of a mini."

"And?"

"You stupid or something? Oh, put it this way, Conner and you'll probably both end up suffering from long term back ache."

"You're a dirty bastard Luke Andrews!"

"No secluded car parks with that car I'm telling you!"

"A real dirty bastard!"

"Yes mum, I know!"

"I'm just checking."

"You're always going away, nothing's ever gone seriously wrong before has it?"

"No, not before. I know you though, you'll try everything once."

"Within reason."

"Not always!"

"That's not fair!"

"I'm kidding, you know that. OK, so Aunt Jenny has next week's food money and the emergency money, the hotel number is on the fridge. I'll have the mobile if there's no answer there and no WILD parties!"

"Who? Me?" I said putting on as innocent a face I could.

"Both of you. OK love you both, the taxi's waiting so I'm going to have to go. Love you and I'll see you a week on Sunday."

"OK bye mum. Love you."

"Love you mum, see you soon." With that she left and I closed the door. Sean and I looked at each other and smiled. We then started getting the house ready for our visitors who'd be arriving pretty soon.

I'd emptied my bottom drawer in my bedside chest and made some room in my cupboard for Conner's stuff. He was staying for at least the first week, or until his parents grew wise at least. We carefully packed away all of mum's more delicate or valuable ornaments into her room as we had done many a time before and put some throw's over the sofa and chairs. We had a whole routine for preparing the house whenever we had had it house to ourselves before and were wise to the areas of the lounge that were prone to alcohol spillage or otherwise.

"I think we're ready Sean."

"I think you're right Danny. Alcohol?"

"I think so!"

"OK, I'll go get the Bud's and the puke bucket from the garage, you make sure mum's door is locked and fire up the music system."

"Telly, you forget my brother, the Men Behaving Badly new series does commence upon this fair evening."

"How true. Get it on BBC then, back in five." With that he ran to the kitchen, through to the garage and started to rummage for what had become know as the puke bucket. Originally known as Trix's bucket but he objected, refusing to believe that it was only him that threw up on alcohol. Truth was he wasn't we almost all had done once in a while but we found it fun to make him think that he had thrown up far more than any normal person would just to scare him. Revolting thought I know, but we found it funny. The telly was on BBC 1 ready, the beer and puke bucket were on their way, my boyfriend was moving in for as long as he could and my friends were on their way round for a piss-up. Can life get any better?

"Danny. Idea." Sean had returned with a bucket full of Buds for us to make our way through. I nodded in enquiry as to what his idea was. "We have about an hour before the others arrive, shall we get a big fuck-off pizza to chow down on?"

"Oh, I think so! Pepperoni on it though!"

"Mushrooms too then!"

"Shit! OK, compromise, we'll get two big fuck-off pizza's to chow down on, one with pepperoni, one with mushrooms. Then neither of us have to throw up." I hated mushrooms, Sean hated pepperoni. Two different pizzas seemed fair enough, expensive, but fair.

"OK, what we don't finish the others can polish off then."

"Or we can hide it and keep it for breakfast."

"You're fucking sick sometimes Danny! Pizza for breakfast?" I just smiled at him.

About fifteen minutes later the doorbell rang and I leaped up to go and get the pizzas. I ran to the door grabbing twenty quid on the way past the kitchen. You have to understand that these pizza's are actually the best in the world and their prices and size reflect this, but twenty quid was two thirds of what mum had left for us to spend on supermarket bought meals for this week so the pizza's were a bit extravagant. As I reached the door my mouth was salivating already. I opened the door to find Conner standing there.

"You don't have to pay me you know? I like the stuff we get up to."

"Cheeky git! I thought you were the pizza delivery guy."

"Oh right. Anyone else here yet?"

"No just Sean and me. You eaten already?"

"Not much, I was in a rush because mum's going out tonight so she insisted on bringing me down since she was passing this way."

"You can have some of my pizza then when it gets here if you want."

"Probably, hey Sean."

"Hey Conner. No pizza yet then Danny?"

"Not yet." As I said that the doorbell rang again. I turned and ran to the door once again. This time it was the pizza guy. They cost less than I thought though; only twelve pound something.

"Ta-da."

"Excellent, this ones yours. Fucking pepperoni, ugh!"

"This'll be yours then."

"Danny! Where's your mum Danny? Where is she huh?"

"She's on fucking holiday mate. This here, this whole fuckin' house from the chimney thing on top of it that swirly thing yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Well from the top of that to the bottomest part of the house, it's all mine. All for me. Because my mum isn't here." You should probably read over all that again but adding a drunken slur to the voice in your head, and to Trix who had asked the question.

"Kate?"

"Yeah? What do you want? Luke! What?"

"Do you think we could go upstairs?"

"I'd love to, but I've drank far too much. And I don't think that you'd manage to get it up yourself."

"Oh! You think so?"

"Faaaarrrr too much my boy!"

Everybody had drunk too much! Copious amounts of bottles and cans littered the kitchen, we'd ran out of room on the kitchen table so they had began to find their way around the work surface on the edges too. There had been some spills on the floor in the lounge but both Sean and I were far too drunk to really care. It was getting close to half one in the morning, Robbie had left and Scott had therefore fallen asleep on the floor in front of the telly. He'd regret that in the morning judging by the amount of my mum's make up Trix Luke and I had applied to his sleeping face.

"Sean can I sleep in your room, I have to get some sleep. I'm working tomorrow."

"Yeah, but if I fall on you when I go to bed forgetting you're there then you can't get mad."

"Deal! Night guys." He approached Trace and gave her a goodnight kiss. "Night gorgeous."

"Phone me hey?"

"Yeah. Love you."

So the rest of us just sat there watching Bambi, don't ask me why, it's just one of those things you do when you're drunk. Trace and Kate left about ten minutes after Trix had made his way upstairs, so it was just Conner, Sean, Luke, Claire and myself who were awake. We sat there watching Bambi and started to sing along with that Drip, drip, drip little April shower song. As best we could at least considering we didn't know the words and we were far too drunk to sound like anything other than a herd of elephants under attack from lions.

"I've had enough, I'm going to bed. See you in the morning guys."

"See ya Sean." Conner, Luke and I said in unison. Claire we discovered had fallen asleep. Sometime after our little Disney karaoke attempt. Scott turned over, having awoken for some reason. He looked at us confused through heavily squinted eyes. We laughed at the make-up job that we had done on him.

"Fuck-off. I'm sleeping." He was asleep again within seconds.

I caught myself falling asleep and lifted my head to see Luke struggling as best he could to keep his eyes open and Conner drinking from yet another can of Bud.

"I think you've had enough babes. You'll throw up." He looked over to me with a smile on his face, practically falling over from just turning his head he was that drunk. I laughed and sat back.

I opened my eyes to a really horrible sound. I noticed that somebody had turned the lights off in the lounge and realised that the video had finished and that the static interference from BBC having closed the station for the night was blasting out of the speakers. I got up and turned the telly off. It was only then that I realised that I now had no light to show me the way to the sofa and Conner so I just decided to lie down where I was. I was still pretty drunk as my head spun round like I'd been on a fair ground ride as I lay down. I soon slipped back into sleep though.

I was lying still and I suddenly became aware that I was awake, and bloody freezing. The light from a new day was streaming in the window. I sat up and took a look around to survey the lounge after the evening before. Beer stains on carpet, can's on floor, Scott with make-up asleep on floor and Luke asleep on sofa. No Conner. I stood up feeling pretty ill, no head-ache just that 'I was lashed last night' stomach feeling.

I wondered into the kitchen next to find a huge mess of bottles and cans. Still no Conner though. I made my way to the toilet and let out the last of the beer that I had drunk the night before. I then made my way upstairs still in search of my Conner. I arrived at my bedroom door and opened it quietly in case he was sleeping in there. Trix was lying on my bed and the room stank of vomit.

"Oh for fucks sake Trix! OY!" He woke up with a start at me shouting at him.

"What time is it?"

"Time to get scrubbing you bastard!" I said nodding my head towards the mess he had made on my floor. He feebly moved himself around to look at what I was trying to show him.

"Oh shit!" He managed to say realising what he was looking at.

"You've got two hours before you have to be at work, open the window as wide as it will go when you get out of bed. You're cleaning that up too!"

"Uh huh. Sorry about that Danny." I left him to it.

I made my way down the hall and opened Sean's door. Nothing could have prepared me for what I saw. Nothing. My heart sank, my knees turned to jelly and my stomach pulled around inside me as I gazed upon my brother lying on his bed in a tight hug with Conner who was only in his boxers. The pair with their legs intertwined and their faces leant against each others as they slept oblivious to my presence. The quilt was strewn across the floor too. I stood there feeling the blood drain from my head, my eyes begin to sting from tears that were streaming down my face. I inhaled sharply and a loud sob caused Sean to lift his head and look around him with his eyes half closed. He looked to Conner, then to me in the doorway. A look of terror spread instantly over his face as he looked at my tears and then back down to Conner.

"You fucking cunt!" I managed to get out between sobs. With that I slammed shut his bedroom door and span round and ran straight into Trix who had come out of my room without me noticing.

We both crashed to the floor, Trix looked to me in shock. He must have seen the tears in my eyes as the expression on his face turned to confusion. I didn't stick around and jumped back to my feet running down the stairs as fast as I could. I flew to the front door and turned the lock running out slamming it behind me again as I ran out into the cold. I had heard somebody shout my name but didn't wait around to hear who it was. I just wanted to get out of the house.

I ran full speed down the road. I didn't know where I was going. I had no idea where I could go. I just ran, I couldn't stay there. I couldn't be there after what I had seen. I couldn't take it. I couldn't believe what I had seen. I just ran. I ran for as long as my body would allow me to. Then I ran some more as I saw the woodland up ahead. I ran in there and to a secluded bench. I sat down on it and creased over with pain as my heart broke into two. I couldn't stop crying, and I couldn't get my breath back. I wanted to die. I couldn't take this. I couldn't live without Conner. I wanted to die.

Uh oh! Poor Danny huh? What's going to happen? What can he do? Who knows? Tune in next time to find out! See ya! wanna_get_lucky@hotmail.com