How could Conner have cheated on Danny like that? You ready to find out? Don't worry, I won't keep you long, just remember to keep on writing to me, tellin' me what ya think and all! wanna_get_lucky@hotmail.com Have fun. Stay cool and all that jazz. See ya soon.
Time Will Tell Chapter 17 - All You Need Is Love
"What the fuck just happened Sean? What's wrong with Danny?"
"I, err, I was, oh shit, I don't know Trix."
"I think you do Sean, you were what?"
"I can't say, I can't tell you."
"WHY NOT?"
"What the fuck is going on? Why is everyone shouting?" Conner had emerged from Sean's room fully dressed now.
"That's exactly what I'm trying to figure out Conner."
"Look, I'm sorry but I can't tell you right now. Can we just try and find Danny please, he can't have gone far. I need to talk to him before anyone else."
"I am getting really pissed off with all this Sean." Trix was beginning to lose his temper with Sean's irritating vagueness.
"Where is he? What do you mean find him? What happened Sean?" Conner's worry was growing.
"He got upset and ran away."
"Upset? What about? What's happened?"
"Find him, then we can worry about what happened."
"Sean TELL ME"
"Trix, NO. First we find him, I need to talk about it with him first."
"Look we're not getting anywhere with this, Trix. He's not going to tell us. Us two will go and look for him, you can start cleaning up here and wait till he or us two get back. I don't like this though Sean, why can't you tell me what's upset him? Where did he go Trix?"
"He came out of Sean's room crying his eyes out, bumped into me, we both fell to the floor and he got up and ran off outside. I have no idea where he could have gone though. Sean just tell me what fucking happened!"
"We have to find him now Trix. We'll find that out later. FUCK! Where are we going to find him? Where could he fucking BE?" Conner had started to panic.
Feeling elated was not an accurate enough description for my present state of mind. Sitting on my little bench alone with dusk falling. I felt euphoric, so in love with Conner knowing that he was coming to meet me any minute. I kept checking the path to see if he had rounded the corner yet. Still no sign.
I sat back and spread out comfortably on the bench and smiled at nobody and nothing. Just the goodness of life. For no reason I found my head turning to one side in perfect time to see Conner walking round the corner finally. DAMN he looked fine! Gorgeous, right through to the bone. I stood up as he approached me smiling, I returned his smile and wet my lips in anticipation of our kiss in this secret meeting spot. He finally made his way up to me, walking with his sexy little spring all the way. He stopped in front of me and said nothing, he didn't need to. I reached out and took his hand, looking down at it's perfect shape.
As I lifted his hand in my own I felt a sting as my head was jolted to the side. I quickly let go of Conner's hand and grabbed the now burning cheek. I looked up shocked to Conner who stared angrily at me.
"You're dumped!" and he turned round and walked back in the direction he had come walking towards Sean who was waiting and laughing at the end of the path. I stood cold, alone and shaking.
"NO!" I shouted sitting up. I jumped as I saw an elderly lady bending over next to me. My reaction startled her and she looked thankful after the initial shock on her face subsided.
"Sorry to wake you son. I saw you asleep here earlier this afternoon and again just now. I wanted to check that you were OK? It's getting dark now and you've been sleeping here for at least two hours! Aren't you cold?" She looked concerned. My head finally realigned with reality having had one of the most upsetting nightmares of my life, and I smiled, assured her I was OK and thanked her for her concern. She headed off with a little Yorkshire Terrier that I had just noticed and I just sat there.
My stomach felt empty but I was also feeling sick. I had cried myself to sleep in broad daylight. I had cried so much that I felt sick and had serious stomach pains. My body convulsed from the early January bitter coldness. Only wearing a jumper I was freezing, I couldn't feel my face, toes or fingers because of the cold. It was amazing that I had managed to sleep in such unforgiving temperatures.
I sat and thought about the nightmare that I had just been woken from. It was truly awful. My heart was broken and I began to cry again as the realisation that it wasn't so much a nightmare that I had had but more a reality. I wouldn't have thought that there was any liquid left in me to cry out anymore after having drank heavily the night before and not having had anything to drink today so far. I didn't want to move though, I was too drained. I felt poisoned, my stomach ached from the constant convulsions that my sobs had caused. I looked to my watch and found that it was nearing five o'clock, no wonder it was getting so dark. A pang of fear crept into my mind. I shouldn't be here, it's not safe. You get all the druggies and alcoholics in the woods at night. It was quite dangerous really.
"Fuck it!" I said out loud to myself. Hell I was the only one to hear anyway. "It wouldn't bother me if someone slit my throat to take my wallet anyway."
I had surprised myself. I was talking to myself and I never did that. I sat back still shaking violently in the freezing air, so I decided to lie back down on the bench and roll myself into as close as I could get to a ball. It didn't make me feel any warmer but I did stop shaking quite as badly. I thought about my situation for the millionth time that day. Sean, my brother, loved Conner, my boyfriend. Conner had been very drunk last night, so had Sean. This morning they were holding each other very lovingly on Sean's bed and Conner was only wearing boxers. I tried so hard to think that they hadn't done anything sexual, thinking of endless other explanations. None struck me as being obviously true.
I had lost. My brother had won, he had stolen my trophy, the most important thing in my life. The only thing that I cared about. He had stolen my lover. My own brother had stolen my lover. I tried to hate Sean for what he had done, but I was too upset at having lost Conner. I lay there and made a conscious decision. I was going to stay where I was and die, I couldn't eat as empty and weak as I felt, I was too upset. I couldn't move to find a warm place to stay, I was too upset. I couldn't live, I was too upset. The only reason that I would move would be to find an easier and quicker method to kill myself, but I couldn't do that because I was too upset.
"Where the FUCK is he Sean?" Conner's worry was growing to hideous levels.
"I don't know."
"Why did he get upset, did he see us together in bed? Did he think that we did something together. You're his brother and he KNOWS that I love him. You're not even gay." Sean looked to his feet as guilt played on his worries even more.
"He won't have thought that anyway surely, there must be something else that had upset him Conner. Any ideas Sean?" Luke was trying his best to calm the situation despite how worried he was himself. Sean was saved from having to lie by the doorbell ringing. Conner shot to answer it like a bolt of lightning.
"Has he come back yet?"
"No Scott." Scott walked in and followed Conner back to the lounge.
"Scott, I need to talk to you in private." Sean leapt out of his chair and ran to the kitchen where Scott soon joined him. Sean closed the door after him.
"Sean, what's going on?" His concerns grew, only now for Sean who had burst into tears.
"Scott man, this is seriously fucked up!"
"Sean what is it? What do you know?"
"I, err, I, kind of, I told Danny that I was in love with Conner."
"You're in love with WHO?"
"Then this morning he saw us in bed together hugging and Conner was only wearing boxers."
"You cheated with your brothers boyfriend?!?"
"NO, never. I couldn't do that to him, but that'll be what he's thinking. He loves Conner so much, I'm terrified that he's going to do something stupid!"
"Well since that's a serious concern, we have to ring the police it's getting late."
"I have done, they want me to ring back tomorrow if he hasn't come back. There's nothing they can do until then."
"Then ring your aunt. He might have gone there."
"I told her that he might be popping in some time today and that if he does then she should get him to ring me urgently."
"Jesus Christ Sean! You told him you loved his boyfriend? What possessed you? Telling him that is like challenging him."
"I couldn't help it, I don't know why I did it. I wish I wouldn't have but he would have guessed in the end otherwise."
"Ohh, look I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped at you, this isn't helping anything. You know, you should consider telling Conner the truth, he'll be blaming himself for this mess."
"Oh, fuck no. I can't do that Scott. He'll hate me, I can't take that."
"Did you do anything with Conner last night? I won't say anything to anyone no matter what the answer."
"No. I couldn't, he wouldn't for a start I know that for a fact. He loves Danny too much. It was hard for me though last night, I wanted him, needed him but I kept my hands to myself. I was asleep in bed when he came in. I woke up in the middle of the night and he was there sleeping next to me and shivering so I hugged him to keep him warm and I fell asleep like that. Somehow the quilt worked its way onto the floor in the night and Danny found us like that this morning."
"OK Sean, we'll go out and look for him again. Come on let's go back through, we'll organise places to search and stuff with the others."
"Get some sleep? Get some SLEEP? How the FUCK do you think I'm going to get to sleep. What if he's dead? He needs me, I need him. He could be hurt, he could have been kidnapped or anything. NO, no I'm not going to calm down! Oh FUCK! Where is he? What did I do? What did I say to him?"
"CONNER! Don't you DARE blame yourself for this, do you hear me?" Trace had tried her best to calm him down but Conner was having none of it.
"Where is he? I can't take this anymore."
The front door opened and Trix and Luke came back in the house. They were the last of group who were out searching for Danny to come back in.
"No news?"
"None. He doesn't want us to find him. He'll be hiding somewhere. What happened to him? What could have upset him so much?" Trace's concern was beginning to show as well now.
The group had been searching for Danny for most of the day. Conner's fear had grown steadily into terror. He had been crying for some time now. Nobody except Sean and Scott knew the real reasons for Danny's departure. Everybody else had given up guessing and were getting increasingly worried and tired, they had been walking all over Parkway all day nearly to no avail.
The group sat around at Danny's house for some time hoping that he would return before they had to go to their homes. One by one they left the house. Conner had fallen asleep on the sofa and was meant to be staying over that night anyway. Sean decided it best to leave Conner there for the night, he placed a blanket over him to keep him warm and retired to his own bed. Sean, Conner and Danny had all cried themselves to sleep that night.
"What? Conner? Mum?"
"Are you OK son? You did you sleep here last night, didn't you go home? You must have pneumonia by now!"
"Later! He's gone now. I need to sleep here now."
"Don't move I'll calling an ambulance right away."
I didn't respond I simply laid my head down again and fell back to sleep instantly. I had woken up seeing things. I could hardly move or feel my body and I felt like I should be dead. It had been my intention all night. It didn't compute that I was going to hospital. It didn't compute when I was there either. I don't remember the ride in the ambulance. The last thing that I remembered was looking at the white ceiling and thinking it was snow for some reason. Then I went to sleep again and woke up late that same afternoon. I looked around me trying to work out where I was. It was familiar territory. Hospital!
I felt strange, light headed. I sat up and pushed the 'call nurse' button behind me. Within a minute a nurse was in the room.
"Hello Daniel. How are you feeling?"
"It's Danny. Uh fine. I guess. A little woozy."
"I'm not surprised, you were massively dehydrated when you came in and you hadn't eaten for a couple of days at least so you're still quite weak but the drip has been helping you. You'll be ready to go later today hopefully, that's Dr. Lewis' decision in the end though. He says that he remembers you, he'll be here in a minute or so. I've already sent him a message saying that you're up."
"OK."
"Do you mind if I ask why you were living on a park bench in only a thin jumper in the middle of winter?" Her question brought memories of hideous grief flooding back into my head. It took every ounce of will power in me to hold back the tears that were beginning to sting my eyes.
"Oh!" I sighed out loud, "I had an argument with my brother and couldn't face going home and I fell asleep there." My voice had become husky as I replied because of the crying that was begging to happen. I cleared my throat and looked down to my feet avoiding eye contact.
"It's OK if you don't want to tell me."
"I just did." I said confused still struggling with my emotional state.
"You haven't told me everything, you haven't drunk or eaten anything for at least two days so you were at that bench or somewhere else for some time. I'm sorry, it's none of my business but if you want to talk to someone, ask for Sarah."
"Thank you." As she was leaving Dr. Lewis arrived. I had hoped to have a good cry once she left, I was finding it difficult to prevent it now and I was in for another long chat I thought.
"Well, well, well! We really must meeting like this Danny." I sniffed a laugh at him. "Why did you run away from home Danny? You have no idea how upset your brother was to hear that you were in hospital again. He's on his way, said he was catching a bus, that was fifteen minutes ago though, so he shouldn't be long." I did my best to hide the torment that even the mention of my brother caused me. "He asked me to tell you that he loves you if you woke up before he get here." I made no reaction for some time, he was waiting for me to say something. The silence continued. He was determined for me to respond.
"Dr. Lewis will I be able to go home with my brother today?"
"Yes, I can't see why not. You'll have to eat a big dinner and drink as much plain water as you can without keeping yourself awake peeing all night!"
"I'm sorry, do you think I could have a couple of minutes to myself?"
"Certainly. First I think I'll take this drip out though, it's finished now. OK look away."
"OW." I hated needles, especially when they were pushed into or pulled out of my skin! Even by a trained doctor.
"There you go. OK, I'll be back when your brother arrives." Dr. Lewis left the room and I took a look around me to see what I could find. I continued to hold back my tears as I prepared myself for the inevitable.
"Dr. Lewis, hi. I'm here for Danny."
"Ah yes, OK. Come with me, hello again Conner."
"Hi." He was taken aback by the fact that he had remembered his name after almost three months, he must see a lot of patients and their families. He was too upset to keep on thinking anything of it though and he just followed quickly in tow as the doctor lead him to his ill Danny.
"He's in here boys. I'll leave you with him for a short while I get his discharge papers."
"Thank you. Conner, can I see him alone first, just for a minute?"
"No, I have to see him now Sean. I have to see that he's OK."
"Conner please, this is really important or I wouldn't ask."
"No." With that Conner slipped past Sean and opened the door walking into the room.
"Danny? Hello?"
"Where is he?"
"He's not in the toilet, let's check the patient lounge." The pair walked out of the room, Conner clearly annoyed with Sean's strange behaviour of late and Sean visibly shaking from his fear of his reunion with his brother and the way that Conner had began to treat him. They searched the ward to no avail. Finding Dr. Lewis they asked where he might be.
"Let's check his room again boys." Conner was walking with the strangest look on his face, a cross between anger and terror. "His clothes are gone! I don't believe this! I'm going to phone security and try to get them to stop him going out of the building." With that the doctor ran out of the room, Conner and Sean stood in absolute silence. After about ten minutes the doctor came back into the room.
"I think he's long gone boys. I've phoned the police, they're keeping an eye out for him again. His body is week. He has to be found and taken somewhere warm or he'll be susceptible to a lot more serious problems, his immune system is low right now and he has to be taken to a warm bed."
"Thank you doctor." Sean didn't sound at all surprised. Conner stormed his way out without saying a word, the tears in his eyes wouldn't have allowed him to anyway. Not without crying. Sean followed quickly.
"He won't have gone far Conner. We can find him now. Conner? You want to find him don't you?"
"OF COURSE I WANT TO FUCKING FIND HIM! Just fuck off Sean! I want to know why he's so upset and what I've done to hurt him so much. You KNOW, you fucking KNOW and won't TELL me! So just fuck off and leave me alone, you don't really want to help me." Conner continued walking out of the building, leaving Sean with a look of shock and pain on his face. Sean continued down the road in hope of finding Danny, a difficult feat since he couldn't see more than two meters in front of him from being blinded by tears.
"Conner!" Sean had ran in front of him and stopped him from moving. "I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why he's upset."
"Now! You'll tell me now." Conner didn't feel any sympathy for Sean who was crying himself now, he was just as cruel in his treatment of him.
"He's upset because he'll have reason to think that we had been doing stuff together the other night. I told him that, I told him, I told him that I love you Conner. Because I do, that's why I couldn't tell you. I didn't want to confuse you by telling you and I could see just how happy you are with Danny. I'm sorry Conner, I should have told you, I'm really sorry. Please forgive me."
"You love me?"
"With all my heart, I know how it sounds, but I just can't help it. I'm sorry."
"You love me?" Silence other than passers-by, cars and Sean's tears. "You love me. And so he thinks that we had had sex or something by the way he found us. He thinks I've cheated on him? With his own brother, this must be killing him. I could never cheat on Danny, he should know that by now. I love him too much. I'm sorry Sean but you're going to have to deal with your own emotions I'm afraid, I have to find Danny." Conner once again left Sean standing where he was.
"Conner! Wait, I want to help you."
"No, you can't. Imagine what he would think if he saw us walking around together, he'd think we were TOGETHER and that we were rubbing his nose in it or something. Go home. Or look for him on your own."
"Conner I'm sorry. Don't hate me please."
"Yeah! 'Sorry', so you said. That hasn't helped in bringing Danny home safely YET has it?"
I rounded the corner on to the estate. I approached the door that I had visited only once before. I wiped away the tears that I had managed to subdue once again, I wiped my nose on my sleeve once again since it was dripping from the evilly cold evening. I knocked wimpishly feeling cold, feeble, hungry and thirsty. Not to mention destitute, crestfallen, suicidal and so on. The exact person that I wanted to speak to opened the door. She looked shocked to see me, almost nervous.
"Hi. I'm really sorry to drop in you like this at this time of night. I hope I won't have woken anybody."
"No, it's no that late really. Hi anyway, come in."
"OK, not for long though. I just need to ask you a favour. I'm really sorry to be this rude Hannah, but I was hoping that you might have a jacket I could borrow for tonight, it's just I was meant to be getting a taxi home but I've lost my wallet and my friend whose house I was at just now has locked up and gone to bed. I was passing and saw the lights on, I thought I might ask at least."
"Urrrmmm, yeah. Danny, just wait here a minute I'll go and get one for you." She ran up her stairs to her room. She had looked worried to see me. Almost scared. It confused me a bit. I heard her calling from upstairs a minute or so later.
"Danny, come up here for a minute will you? I'll be with you in a second." I didn't refuse and made my way up the stairs. I saw a door open at the end of the hall and assumed that it was her bedroom since it was the only room that had light pouring through the door. I made my way in and was surprised to say the least. The door was closed suddenly behind me by somebody I hadn't realised was in the room. I spun round shocked by the sound of the door closing and the key turning in the lock.
"Where the fuck have you been?" A question asked surprisingly casually.
"Shit!" I muttered to myself as my head dropped to look at my feet, stunned by who was in the house and that I'd been caught, found at least. "Why are you here Trix?"
"I wanted to ask Hannah if she'd heard from you. Do you know how much trouble you've caused? Do you know how much Conner has been crying? How he's been screaming at Sean to tell him what happened to you? Everybody else screaming at Sean too, trying to find out what the fuck was wrong with you. Then the hospital rings Danny. You're missing for two fucking days and the hospital rings. Then Conner rings crying his eyes out saying you've run away from the fucking hospital too. He starts blurting stuff down the phone, 'I found out why he's so upset, he must hate me. You have to help me find him Trix' that's what he said, crying his eyes out all the time. Then Sean rings crying HIS eyes out, shouting down the phone 'I hate myself, I'm going to end it all now'. He wanted to kill himself Danny, it took me half an hour on the phone to calm him down enough to persuade him to come home. He still hasn't told me what's wrong with you. The police are looking for you, you're lucky that your mum or your aunt haven't found out, then you would be in seriously deep shit. Now you come here asking to borrow a jacket, lying to your friend about why. Where were you going to go this time huh? Where were you last night? Where did you sleep, a fucking park bench wasn't it? What the hell is going on Danny? Answer me. I deserve that at least don't I?"
"Conner said what on the phone?" My head was spinning. A mixture of whirling thoughts, and my having run away from the hospital when I was still too weak.
"He said that you must hate him."
"No something about finding out."
"He said that he had finally found out why you were so upset and that you must hate him. You've crushed him Danny, he loves you and you ran away from him, twice now. He thinks you hate him, do you? He loves you so much, you should have at least the backbone to tell him if you don't want to see him anymore which I doubt."
"NO, no. I love him that's why I had been so upset. Oh shit what have I done? Oh no. They didn't do anything. He didn't know about Sean." I suddenly felt so angry with myself. Conner couldn't have done anything with Sean, he didn't know why I was upset. He would have realised if he'd have done anything with Sean.
"Danny tell me what's going on."
"Oh, Trix I can't. I'm sorry, it's not my place to."
"Oh no, no, no, no, no. Don't you start on that as well. I want to know what the fuck is going on, why everybody has gone fucking insane all of a sudden and are all hiding something from me."
"All I can tell you is that I made the biggest fucking wrong assumption in the history of wrong assumptions. It's not my place to tell you what it was though. I'm sorry that you've gone through all this because of my stupid, stupid mistake Trix, I really am but I can't tell you why it happened. I'm sorry."
"I give up, if it's this shitty a secret then I don't fucking want to know. Danny you're coming with me back to yours NOW. Hannah, thank you for letting us use your room to help Danny realise something and to confuse me even more."
"I'm sorry that I nearly dragged you into this Hannah."
"Don't worry about it. Go home and get some rest Danny, it sounds as if you need it."
"Oh shit Tristan! What do I say to them?" I panicked we were outside my front door and I didn't know what to say to my brother. I wasn't sure if Conner was there or not by now. I knew that I had to worry about what to say to my brother though, and now.
"I have no idea, I don't know what the problem is remember? Hint hint!" He grinned, he didn't realise how serious I saw my problem as being. "Sorry, not a good time for jokes then?"
"Not really! Oh damn here goes."
"Before you go in, don't call me Tristan, I have an image to keep up you know?" He smiled again.
"We already discussed the joke situation Trix." I smiled at him. He seemed to like that, he liked people to acknowledge his jokes. Even though I didn't feel like smiling, I managed it though. He was being great about the whole situation, taking charge as usual. It was good that somebody had done.
"Come on man, let's get you sorted with Sean."
I went into the house, Kate was sitting in the lounge. She turned her head round when she heard the door open to see who it was. She looked really worried, making me feel even more guilty than before. She got up and ran towards me flying into my arms and hugging me tightly.
"Danny, what happened to you?" She was in tears. "Do you have any idea how worried we've all been about you?" I rested my face against her neck, crying myself through guilt and upset that I had caused so much worry.
"I'm sorry Kate, I'm really sorry." I lifted my head so as to take a breath and saw Sean standing on the step from the lounge to the hallway. He looked scared and his eyes were watering. The sight made me shrivel up inside, I felt so small and worthless to know that I had made such an awful mistake in my judgement of him.
I stepped back from Kate's hug not taking my eyes off Sean, he was looking at me, breathing hard and tears rolling down his face, not sobbing just tears. I walked towards him, with my first step he took one backwards, not sure of what my reaction would be. He didn't know that his name had been cleared.
"I'm so, so sorry Sean." With that he ran to me and hugged me tightly, crying fully now. "I am so sorry, I know I made a wrong assumption and it was so wrong of me to doubt you. I really am sorry, I should have trusted you. I know that now. Please say something Sean?"
"I missed you Danny. I'm sorry I put you in this position."
"No, you shouldn't be. It was my mistake, I jumped to conclusions I should have trusted you. I should have known that you would never do anything like that to me. I'm so sorry."
"We've been so worried."
"I know and it makes me feel like shit knowing that my mistake has caused everyone all this trouble. Please forgive me, I'm sorry Sean."
"You don't need to apologise for anything, I would have jumped to the same conclusions if I was in your situation. I'm sorry that it happened."
We stayed hugging like that for a while. We managed to quell our tears and pulled apart from each other. I looked at my brother and was so relieved that he hadn't blamed me for my reactions. I was so lucky that he hadn't blamed me. I couldn't believe it.
"We've had our fair share of this making up with each other recently haven't we?" I joked. He took it well laughed a little whilst wiping the last of his tears away.
"Tell me about it."
"Danny? I think you should phone Conner. Let him know you're here."
Kate didn't need to say it again. I went straight to the phone and dialled his mobile number from memory, the others left me on my own while I made the call. The phone rang twice only and then I heard Conner's voice. It hit me then just how much I had missed hearing that, two days and a lot of self convincing that I would never hear it again made an impact suddenly, I automatically breathed out a sigh of relief from hearing it.
"Hello?" He sounded worried, it was to be expected mind.
"Conner, it's me."
"Danny? Oh thank God! Where are you?"
"I'm at home."
"I'm on my way." With that he hung up. I was a little surprised to be honest, I thought that he would have said more than he did but he was on his way round and that was all that mattered to me right now. I was going to see the guy I love again after a two day deprivation of him. From the way it had felt, it may as well have been two years though. I hadn't seen him, touched him, smelt him or heard his voice and it felt that I was itching, almost burning inside to have him near me again. I went back into the lounge wearing a smile for what seemed like the first genuine one in months.
"Danny what happened? What upset you so much?" Kate asked me with her worried expression still strong. I looked to Sean who looked worried.
"Is it important that you know? I don't mean to sound callous or ungrateful but I just, I think it better that nobody knows who doesn't have to, it's one of those things. It's really private, you know?"
"What's important is that you're safe, I don't have to know. I won't ask again, I'm sorry. Next time, though, don't just run away from everything, you should talk to us, we're your friends and I'd like to think that we can talk about anything together, you know?"
"I know and I'm sorry Kate. It really is all sorted now."
Before anything else could be said the doorbell rang, I went to the door and opened it to almost everyone else. Trace, Scott, Robbie, Claire and Luke. Only Conner wasn't there. They all looked stunned to see me. I looked back at them.
"What's wrong with you lot? You look like you've seen a ghost or something." I smiled at them all.
"Where the fuck have you been you little prick!" Uh oh! Luke wasn't that amused at my joke.
"I'm sorry guys, really I am. I never meant to cause this much upset and trouble. I needed to get away, that's all. I've had some pretty big things to think about, I'm sorry that you all got dragged into it though, really I am."
"What the hell happened to you Danny?" Trace had a little more concern in her voice than Luke had done.
"I'm sorry, about all this I really am, and I know how concerned and curious you must be, but I really can't tell you what happened. It's been sorted but it's too personal to tell even you guys, I'm sorry." Nobody seemed particularly happy with my answer but they could see that they weren't going to get any information out of me, not yet at least. They all came in and sat down.
We all struck up a conversation and sat around in the lounge talking for some time. We were having a laugh, it felt good to be back with everyone, I felt at home again. I did keep on checking my watch to see what time it was, wondering how long Conner would be. Trix was in the middle of a joke, everyone was looking at him and listening intently as his joke became more and more complicated, we were waiting for the punch line for a while. The finale was interrupted by the sound of the front door opening and being slammed shut. Conner appeared in the entrance to the lounge and looked round the room. His eyes finally came to rest on me and I gazed dreamily back at him instantly doped up merely by the sight of my boyfriend.
"Come here!" It was then that I realised his look had been one of anger. His chest heaving as though he had run around the block a few times. He turned and made his way into the kitchen. I took a panicked look around at everyone else in the room, they were all either looking at the ground or at me with worried eyes. I slowly raised myself up and walked to the kitchen, afraid of what his reaction had been.
"Why didn't you trust me?" Ow! He looked angry and upset, his eyes were red and puffy, he'd been crying. His face was pale as well, probably from the cold air outside.
"Oh, Conner. It isn't that I didn't trust you-" He interrupted me.
"You thought that I shagged your brother, I think that counts as not trusting me. Why did you doubt me huh? Why do you think I would do that? You think I'm a slag or something?"
"Conner, no!" I was getting upset and desperate now. "I never thought that."
"You must have done, we were going out weren't we? We were boyfriends weren't we? And you think that I slept with your brother which would make me an unfaithful slag."
"No, it wasn't like that."
"Then WHAT WAS IT LIKE Danny?"
"I, I, I thought, it just seemed like, it seemed."
"Seemed like what?"
"I couldn't bare the thought of losing you Conner, I couldn't. Sean told me he loved you and then I saw you with him practically naked on his bed and I jumped to the wrong conclusion."
"So you DIDN'T trust me?"
"No, I mean YES, I mean I do now."
"But you didn't trust me then!"
"I did, I just didn't trust myself."
"What? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" I looked to the floor, I had never seen Conner angry before. Ever. It was an awful experience and I hated being on the receiving end.
"It sounds pathetic I know. I just can't understand what you see in me. I can feel that you love me, it's just I can't help but think that you might want somebody, anybody better than me. God knows that you deserve them." I was crying now, I hated Conner being angry with me, it was a new experience.
"Danny, I love you. I don't want anyone else. If Leonardo DiCaprio knocked on my door, one night and asked me if I wanted a shag, I'd kick him flying! It's you I want. I only want you Danny, nobody else. You should know that. And what is with this self- worthless thing too? You're gorgeous Danny, you're perfect in every way. I wouldn't change you for anyone or anything. I love you so much and I wish that you didn't doubt my love for you."
"I don't doubt it. I just couldn't help but think what I did, it looked so awful. I couldn't bear seeing you so contented, comfy and happy to be cuddled up with someone other than me. It was a mistake, I know that now. I'm so sorry Conner. I'm so sorry that I doubted you, it was wrong of me and I hated every minute of it."
"I never want you to doubt me again Danny. Please! You mean so much to me that it hurts me when I think you don't realise just how much I do." He had his arms around me now, his anger had diminished quickly when I had started crying. He was beginning to cry himself a bit. I felt so complete standing there in his arms, I knew he loved me, I always had done but now it shone through. His love warmed my body, it warmed my very soul and I loved him so much too, and he knew it. I could tell, I didn't need to open my mouth to tell him, he could just feel it.
"Conner, I'm sorry. You have to believe me when I say that I DO trust you. I need you so much, I've been in hell these last two days. I wanted to die out there, if that old lady hadn't have rung an ambulance for me then I would have died. I can't live without you. The thought that I couldn't, made me feel so worthless, I couldn't face life without you next to me, with me. I need you so bad, you're like an extra body organ, if you're taken away from me I'll just die."
"Danny, you shouldn't feel that you might lose me, I felt exactly the same about you. I was terrified over these two days just as much as you were. I lived in fear that every time the phone rang it was going to be someone saying that you'd been found dead. I was crushed when Sean told me that you were in hospital. I love you Danny, don't do this ever again OK?"
"Never. I can't deal with not thinking you love me back. It's so strange, before we started going out I wasn't bothered about you returning your love, but now that I've had, now I've had a taste I can't ever let go of it." Conner didn't say anything more, we just stood there in the kitchen holding each other. He gently kissed my forehead and we stood in silence, just being together. Loving each other and comforting each other having finally managed to sort out the whole ordeal as best we could expect to. We stood revelling in our deep love and affection.
All friends again. Everything seems to be in order. Here's your orange sherbet (if you don't get it, don't ask). Sean's still alone, Scott and Robbie seem to be getting on well enough. Nobody's at war with anybody else in the group. Things change! Will they for the gang? Who knows. Time will tell. wanna_get_lucky@hotmail.com