Time Will Tell

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Time Will Tell Chapter 19 - Better, best, bested.

"Danny?"

"Yeah?"

"What happens now?"

"I don't know Scott, I really don't know."

"I shouldn't have let that happen, I think that it was a big mistake." I knew he was right. I was beginning to become aware of the severity of our situation. We'd dressed and were sitting on my bed, tired and smelling a little of stale sweat. We couldn't shower though, the others would know that something had gone on if we both went for showers in the middle of the day.

"It wasn't just you Scott. I thought that I wanted it to happen. I did at the time. It was a mistake though."

"I don't want to upset you, but I'm pretty sure that you'll feel the same way. I regret it. I know that this isn't the time to say that, but I do."

"I do, you're right. I'm really angry with myself. I let myself cheat on Conner, on myself too."

"You're not going out though so you haven't cheated really."

"No, I have. I love him so much and I just got overpowered by the circumstances."

"I've been thinking that I might ask Robbie back out while I've been lying here. What we just did sort of made me realise that I care about him more than I thought. I feel pretty much the same as you just said that you did."

"I should talk to Conner."

"What? Why? What about, us?

"I don't know. I need him back though."

"I don't think that we should tell anybody about what we just did. It's in everyone's best interests. We'd be putting our friends in an awkward situation and we'd cause unnecessary grief to Conner and Robbie. I think it would be more selfish to upset them by telling them what they don't need to know than to keep it from them."

"I think I agree. I hate it though. I like the fact that Conner and I don't need to keep secrets from each other. I feel so guilty, it's like I violated him, his trust and that kills me inside. I can't let him know though, you're right. I don't want to upset him anymore than I already have. That's if he'll go out with me again."

"What do you mean 'if'? Why wouldn't he? What's wrong with you lately?"

"What do you mean? There's nothing wrong with me."

"You've got this whole self worthless thing going on, has someone said something to you? And you've been really defensive too. Even with your friends."

"I don't know, I just haven't felt myself lately."

"Why though? Has someone upset you?"

"No, I guess, well it's probably that our relationship seemed too good to be true, it seems unreal that I've got Conner, this guy who loves me so much. It's difficult for me to accept that he does love me as much as he does I guess."

"You shouldn't doubt his love. Everyone can see it. I think you just need to accept that he DOES love you that much. Because he does. If you keep on looking for faults then you only create them, like you did today. He loves you as much as you love him, accept that. It should make you happy not suspicious. If he didn't love you he wouldn't be here all day everyday would he?"

"I suppose. Yeah, you're right I guess."

"Of course I'm right. I'm me, how could I not be right?"

"Whatever big head!"

"Trix can you do me a favour?" I asked smiling. My talk with Scott had left me feeling a whole lot better. I felt ready to face the world again.

"Yeah, what? What happened with Conner? Are you OK?" He was surprised to see me happy I think. My violent mood swings of late had been a little too much for the others to cope with and predict.

"I will be, I need your to go and get your guitar from home."

"Why?"

"We have a performance to put on!"

"This sounds worrying Danny. What exactly have you got planned?"

"I can't believe I'm doing this! This is fucking insane, we're going to have the entire street laughing at us. This is way beyond the call of duty you realise, even as a friend. I can't believe that you're going to do this." Moaned Trix as we neared the last turning before Conner's house.

"You know I appreciate it. I'd do the same for you and you know it." I toyed with him. Trix didn't mind this really, he thought my plan a little humiliating but he was willing to help me. "Besides, maybe he lives next-door to some big music record label talent scout and we'll be swooped up and given a three album contract or something."

"Danny? Dream on." I laughed.

"OK, here we are. You tuned?"

"Was before we left, probably a little out now but it shouldn't be too bad anyway. How does it start again?" I hummed him a little into the song until he nodded to let me know that he had the tune right in his head. He set himself ready and took a look around him seeing if anyone on the street would witness what was about to happen. "Aren't you worried that someone's going to see this who you wouldn't want to?"

"That's not a concern at the moment. My only concern is getting Conner back."

"If you're sure, can't you just sing down the phone for him? It's not too late to turn back you know."

"No, it has to be done like this, it's not the same otherwise. You ready?"

"I was waiting for you."

"OK. You're doing the harmonies yeah?"

"Yeah."

"You can get high enough, you're sure?"

"Yeah."

"How fast you wanna take it?"

"Like they do it on the album."

"OK. You got the right kinda plec.?"

"Yes! Get on with it will you! Whilst there's hardly anybody around!"

"Fine. OK here we go, OK. I'm not sure about this anymore."

"Oh for fuck's sake! One, two, three, four." He started playing the guitar. I took a deep breath not willing to bottle out now.

"My love she throws me like a rubber ball Oh oh oh, the sweetest thing She won't catch me or break my fall Oh oh oh, the sweetest thing Baby's got blue skies up ahead But in this I'm a rain cloud You know she likes a dry kind of love" It was about now that Conner came to his window to see what was going on. He looked down at us weirdly.

"Oh oh oh, the sweetest thing

I'm losing you" He interrupted us, I stopped singing but Trix carried on playing the same little snippet over and over.

"What the hell are you doing Danny?"

"Serenading you."

"Why?"

"Cuz I love you." Conner looked around outside to check that nobody could have heard my reason.

"Danny, stop. People are going to hear you."

"Good, I want the whole world to know." And I picked up Trix's rhythm.

"Hey hey hey, I'm losing you yeah Ain't love the sweetest thing

I wanted to run but she made me crawl Oh oh oh, the sweetest thing"

"Danny stop." He was smiling but I carried on anyway.

"Eternal fire, she turned me to straw Oh oh, the sweetest thing You know I got black eyes But they burn so brightly for her Mine is a blind kind of love Oh oh oh, the sweetest thing"

"Danny!" He was starting to laugh at my defiance. Yay! I was getting to him.

"I'm not going to stop!

I'm losing you Oh oh oh, I'm losing you yeah Ain't love the sweetest thing"

"What do you want me to do?"

"Agree to go out with me again."

"Will you stop then?"

"No, I'm enjoying this."

"People are starting to look Danny." I turned to look and sure enough there was a lady with a pram stopped at the bottom of the drive smiling at me.

"I'll sign autographs later." She laughed along with Conner.

"Oh oh oh, the sweetest thing Oh oh, yeah

Blue-eyed boy meets a brown-eyed girl Oh oh oh, the sweetest thing"

"OK, I will. I will Danny, please stop this is so embarrassing." He was still laughing.

"You will what? I want to hear you say it."

"You know what."

"You can sew it up but you still see the tear Oh oh oh, the sweetest thing Baby's got blue skies up ahead"

"I will, I'll go out with you again." I hadn't been sure if he would have said it, when he did my heart skipped a beat. He'd said it with strangers around to hear, they definitely did because they were stopping to watch what was going on."

"Why?"

"Why? Why what?"

"Why will you?"

"Because I want to."

"Why do you want to?" His smiling face beamed down on me.

"Because I love you. Will you stop singing now? I think you've embarrassed us all enough for one day!"

"And in this I'm a rain cloud You know we got a stormy kind of love

Oh oh oh, the sweetest thing Oh oh, the sweetest thing Oh oh oh, the sweetest thing Oh oh oh, the sweetest thing" Trix rounded off his accompaniment and we heard the sound of clapping. As we took a look around we saw a small audience had collected. The lady with the pram, a couple of elderly people, the neighbours were on their porch from next door and the house opposite as well as several other households having people looking out of their windows. Trix and I turned around and bowed to our applause. When I turned round again, Conners front door had opened and his dad was standing there smiling. He reached into his pocket and threw some coins at the ground in front of us grinning. We had a good laugh at that one. I looked back up to Conner who was still laughing.

"Are you coming out then?"

"Give me a second." He disappeared from view.

I find it strange now that I think about it that so many people had applauded to young guys declaring love to each other. Maybe they hadn't all realised that we were both male, or the world was a better place than I thought! He arrived at the door, I opened up for a hug and he walked straight into it. I let out a sigh of relief. I pulled back slightly and kissed him. Right there. Still standing in clear view in broad day light. It was so good. So natural. I had needed it. It felt so right. Guilt stabbed into me as I remembered that my last kiss had been with Scott. It wasn't as good as Conner's, it wasn't him for a start. We turned our heads to look at Trix, he looked shocked.

"Sorry Trix." I said quickly.

"Oh, no. I'm just amazed that you did that right here in the open, that's all."

"Couldn't help it. I'd have done it in the middle of the school playground if it meant that I could get my Conner back!"

"Hmmm, a little more dangerous than here though I think my love."

"You're worth it babes."

"Come on, let's get back to yours Danny." Trix was concerned at our open behaviour. We followed quickly as he set off. I was content again, I had Conner back and both he and I were happy. A worth while display of foolery I think!

"I don't want to be put in that sort of situation again. What would have happened if somebody from school would have seen the two of you there, kissing in the middle of the fucking street?"

"We didn't put you in any sort of situation Trix. It's not as if anybody would have assumed that you were gay because you were there."

"That is exactly what they would have assumed, or at least that I hang around with queers."

"You DO hang around with queers Trix. Are you saying that if we were found out or came out then you wouldn't want to have anything to do with us?"

"It would put me in a difficult situation, that's what I'm trying to say."

"No, you're basically saying that if Conner's and my relationship was found out about then you wouldn't want to be our friends anymore. Thanks a lot Trix. Some fucking friend you are. You value your reputation more than our friendship? That's some pretty fucked up idea of priorities that you have in your head."

"Danny, don't be like that."

"Like what? I'm pissed off with you because you hardly value my friendship at all."

"That's not true and you know it. I came and made a fool out of myself in public so that you two could back together, I think that that's a pretty good indicator as to how important our friendship is. All I want you to understand is that there is no need for you two to come out yet, not at school, it's not worth it for the shit you'll get from it and from the shit we'll get as your friends. I would still hang out with you, yeah, but you shouldn't risk making your own lives hell and ours difficult as your friends just for a kiss that you can have if you walk two metres inside instead."

"I never saw I that way I suppose. I'm sorry Trix. I know you're a good friend, I shouldn't have said you weren't. I really am sorry."

"Forget it man. Don't worry, I didn't make myself that clear I suppose so it's both our faults."

"You're right though, we did do a stupid thing. We should be more careful Conner."

"Yeah, I think so too. Sorry Trix."

"Don't worry about it, just don't do it again."

"Is this settled then?"

"Yeah Luke. We're all fine again."

"Good! May I suggest a celebratory party tonight then? Hideous amounts of alcohol, sex and music so loud our ears will bleed?"

"Hmm, sex? Yeah. Alcohol? Yeah. Bleeding ears? Not too sure on that one mate."

"Granted but good music at least."

"You're on! Where shall we have this party then?"

"What? Well, here. I thought. Your mum's not back for a good few day's yet."

"Oh OK, then. Don't worry I was just kidding."

"You really do have a weird sense of humour Danny."

"Is it just going to be us or should we get some other guys from school?"

"Some other people might be cool. Toby, maybe? Urm, James Stoughton, Henry, Sarah Gresham, Shelley, and Karen."

"Hannah, so Felix too then."

"Felix? This his scene?"

"No, but we can't invite her and not him really."

"Yeah, I suppose."

"How about Will, Andy and Peter from my year, could I invite them?"

"Sure babes. Anyone else?"

"I'll bring Ryan, June, Caz and Louise too." Sean added.

"Should be cool guys." Claire commented.

Now I'm not really one to brag, (at least I don't think I am) but the party was spectacular. Everyone was having a good time, we'd invited everybody that we'd discussed and more, some had brought others along too so we had between twenty and thirty people in my house, my garden, my kitchen and everywhere in between. I wasn't even that worried about anything being broken. Most of them were being careful and those who were too drunk were in the garden for fresh air anyway. Somebody had started smoking in my lounge, a guy I didn't know. Since he had, everybody else saw this as a welcome invitation to spark up. I decided to not do anything about it and just leave the windows and doors wide open the next day to air out the room.

I brought them all in a couple of ashtrays and things that could be used as ashtrays. They were used thankfully, so no burns were left. My close friends were mostly hanging out with each other, Sean and Conner were with the guys from their year and some other people though. I kept on being called by different people so that they could talk to me, I was going backward and forward all evening.

"Hey Danny."

"Hey Shelley, you OK?"

"Yeah, I'm having a great time thanks. You smoke?" She offered me one of her cigarettes. I took one thanking her and she lit it for me.

"So you're single aren't you?" Shit! Forward little cow! I hated having to make my excuses. The girls will always tell people that they were rejected and the news will travel easily. When a girl like this asks you out you'd have to have a pretty good reason not to accept her offer. Shelley is blond slim, pretty and has assets, two very large assets at that! The sort of thing a guy is not meant to turn down, unless you're gay.

"Urmm, yeah. I'm not really looking though, no time really."

"I don't take up any time. I'm not the kind of girl who expects her man on the phone every night all night. Once a week at most. I don't even want undivided attention, a snog here and there, just enough to show that my man's being faithful." Damn, escape appears difficult here. Think Danny, think. Urmm, ah, perfect.

"Look, I can't really go out with you because one of my good friends wants to ask you out and they're just waiting for the right moment."

"Really? A loyal man. OK will if it makes you feel any better, I'll go out with your friend and then when I get bored I'll come back to you, see if you're still single."

"OK." I blushed. She gave me a rather raunchy look up and down and walked off. I was taken by surprise as Scott put his hand on my shoulder from behind me.

"One affair a day Danny, people will think you're a slut otherwise." He grinned a huge grin. He had got back together with Robbie so was happier than earlier. He walked off smiling to himself and his hand was soon replaced by another. Conner's.

"What were you up to there? Hope you weren't thinking of cheating on me!" He was grinning as much as Scott was, my amusement at his joke was minimal however. Guilt burnt my mind. "Hey, I was only joking Danny. Chill man."

"Sorry, I was thinking of something else there." I forced a smile. Still with his hand on my shoulder he looked into my eyes.

"Do you want to see if there's anywhere that we can get some privacy?"

"Conner Ross Shears! If I didn't know better I'd say you were coming on to me. Think you might have had one too many sweetie."

"Daniel Ashley Owen! Maybe you should pretend that you don't know me better then, because I've only had three Buds so that I couldn't have had too many."

"Where can we go?"

"Dunno, you're house. If there's anyone in your room just kick 'em out."

"Good call. Let's go." He followed me as I went upstairs. I was amazed to find nobody up there. He came into my bedroom and I propped up a chair behind it so that nobody else could come and disturb us. My mum doesn't allow us to have locks in the bedrooms, she says it only encourages misbehaving, typical mum response I suppose. The chair seemed to do the trick most of the time though.

We lay on the bed and kissed as I held him tight to me. A sudden memory of what had happened earlier on today on my bed caused me to feel exceedingly guilty. I wanted to tell him. I needed to tell him, but at the same time, I couldn't. I couldn't jeopardise our relationship again. What had happened between Scott and I was going to remain a secret. It had to for everyone's sake. It made me feel so guilty though. At the same time it made me love Conner even more than before, if that was possible. Conner was my soul mate, he was my other and better half. He was somebody that would never hurt me the way I had hurt him. As I lay there I vowed to myself that I would never hurt him like that again. Against all odds I would only ever let him see how much I loved him. He completes me. A tear rolled down my face. Conner felt it as he stroked my cheek.

"What is it? What's wrong?"

"Nothing. That's why I'm crying. You love me and I love you and I have you here with me, now and forever. I've never felt so content and at ease as when you're with me." He gave me a warm smile and pulled me to him, we hugged each other lovingly.

"I do love you Danny. So much. I'm glad you realise that, I didn't think you did before, but now I know that you do and it means so much to me."

"I'm sorry that I ever doubted it Conner, it just seemed so perfect, our relationship I mean. I was guarding myself from being hurt, but now I know that you could never do that to me. I am so angry with myself for hurting you in the process."

"Shhh. Don't be sorry, I felt the same way at first but I know you love me. I know that you always will and now I know that you believe that I will always love you." His face had a tears' path drawn down it now. I kissed his cheek and stared into his eyes.

"I think we should go back down, they'll be wondering where we are."

"Uh huh. We have all night together still."

"I'm looking forward to it too." He grinned cheekily at me and made his way out of my room.

"Danny! There you are we've been looking for you." Toby Halford was coming into my room followed by James Stoughton and Ryan Turner (one of Sean's friends).

"Hey guys." I greeted them as I stretched.

"What you been up to?" James asked with a suspicious undertone in his voice. It scared me a little but I tried to pay no attention to it, I was more than likely thinking too much into a simple question.

"Just had some things to sort out with Conner. I was going to come back down in a minute."

"Cool." Responded Halford. "So what's the deal with you two? You seem to spend a lot of time together." Damn, that was something I hoped that nobody would pick up on.

"He's my best mate. We have a load in common and so we hang around a lot I guess."

"A lot in common huh?" Ryan finally spoke up. "What, like music taste, sense of humour, homosexuality?" Shit! Spot on!

"What the fuck are you trying to say Turner?"

"Nothing at all apart from what a little birdie has been telling me."

"You really shouldn't believe everything you hear." I was trying to downplay the situation whilst trying not to look too desperate at the same time.

"Oh, but I think that this little birdie knows it's stuff."

"Really? And what might this little birdies name be so that I can ask it why it's trying to dirty my name?" I was trying not to let them see that I was shaking.

"It's name? It's called Sean. Sean Owen." I went white. They burst out laughing at me. I wanted to die. They knew. They knew because my brother had told them, what was going on here? "Yep the little birdie is pretty drunk at the moment and told me you and Conner and Scott and that Robbie guy had been going out with each other."

"That's just my brother being a dickhead, ignore him." I didn't sound convincing, I could tell that myself.

"I don't think so. He seemed pretty serious. You look worried Danny. Don't be, he only told me because I told him about me and Toby here."

"Oh?"

"We've been going out for nearly a year now. That was fun, you should have seen the look on your face!" The three of them were in hysterics. I was less than amused however. I began to see the funny side of it as Ryan started having trouble breathing from laughing so hard.

"You scared the shit out of me you little bastard. James are you, you know?"

"No, I just know about these two though. They told me some time back and have decided to tell all their close friends now. Sean was on Ryan's list."

"You scared the fuck out of me you bastards. Jesus!"

"Sorry man. We're going to get Scott and Robbie with that one later."

"Tell me when you do, I want to see their faces."

"Sure thing Danny. You coming back down then?"

"Sure."

Everyone had left except for the usual suspects. Robbie had asked to stay the night too. He was going to be with Scott on the sofa, I could tell because that's where Scott had passed out about twenty minutes ago. He'll have wished that he hadn't, we'd made him up with my mum's make up again. Robbie didn't seem too bothered, he found it quite funny actually.

Conner was waiting for me to come up to bed with him, I was just sorting out a spilled beer on the hallway carpet. It wasn't too much hassle luckily.

"We ready gorgeous?"

"I think so. You going to be OK there Robbie?"

"Yeah, just as long as none of this make up rubs off on me if sleeping beauty here wakes up and gets excited." I laughed and wished him goodnight as I made my way upstairs. Conner decided to be difficult and hang his arms around my neck as I tried to climb the stairs. It was quite funny, every stair we climbed he kissed me on the cheek from behind playfully. I reached around with my arms and pulled him close to my back by putting my arms around his back and mine.

I knocked on the door to Sean's room, having finally made our way to the top of the staircase, and then opened it. The light was still on and him Trix and Luke were listening to music. They all turned their heads to the doorway to see Conner and I there. Conner still had his arms around me and had his chin rested on my shoulder.

"Night guys."

"Night you two." The others replied. I closed the door and restarted the laborious task of dragging Conner to my bedroom.

"Danny?" Luke's voice yelled though the door.

"Yeah?"

"No noise this time!"

"Why Luke? You jealous or something?"

"Yeah! That's right!" He yelled back sarcastically.

Conner and I got into my room and he finally let go of me and lay down on my bed.

"Let's never fight again Danny. I felt awful today."

"I know me too."

"Agreed then?"

"Agreed. I love you."

"I love you too."

"I love you more."

"Do not."

"Do too!"

"No, I love you more. Much more."

"I don't think so somehow."

"I know so!" He started to giggle, I couldn't help but join him. He looked down, solemnly all of a sudden. "We need to talk Danny."

"What about?" I was a bit worried. He looked upset.

"About what happened between you and Scott earlier." I was shocked, I didn't know what to say. How did he know? How? "Scot told me and Robbie when we were all outside."

"Oh." Tears had formed in my eyes.

"Don't worry Danny, I'm not upset with you."

"Oh."

"I know I pushed you too far today. I know you love me and that what happened was a sort of attempt to replace the love you thought that we'd lost. That's what I assume it was anyway."

"I'm so sorry Conner. So sorry. I really am." I was crying now, he had his arms around me again. I couldn't believe that he hadn't taken this badly. Why hadn't Scott asked me before he told him.

"I know you are. I love you, nothing can change that, ever. Not even some little mistake that you made will stop me loving you or me believing that you love me, I know you do. That's why I'm not angry."

"I'm just so angry at myself for having done it. I couldn't stop myself. I'll never let it happen again though. You have to believe that."

"I do."

"I'm so sorry Conner. I feel evil. I violated your trust and everything. You've been so special to me. I can't believe that you don't hate me, you have every right to."

"I have no right to Danny. That's what I wanted to talk to you about."

"Oh?"

"I, err, I did pretty much the same thing today." I didn't know how to feel about this little revelation. I had guessed what 'thing' he was talking about, I just didn't have any idea as to who with.

"OK, do I want to know who with?"

"I think that I should tell you either way."

"OK."

"You ran home and Scot came up to see if you were OK. And when he was with you, I was with, well, your brother. He came round to see if I was OK and something happened in me. I was so angry with what had happened, something just snapped and I, well we, you know." I wanted to be angry, I was. I didn't show it though. I fought so hard not to. Conner was right, I knew how he must have felt. I had some idea anyway. I was upset that it had been Sean but I couldn't hate either of them for it.

"OK."

"You're not mad?"

"I don't think so."

"I understand if you are."

"I know. I think even though we know it's just a technical detail sort of thing, but we both have to understand that we weren't going out at the time."

"I think that helps."

"Conner?"

"Yeah?"

"I just need to know one thing."

"OK."

"Was it something you would have wanted to happen outside of the circumstances?"

"No. I wish it wouldn't have happened at all. Sean does too. He didn't want me to tell you at all. He was terrified, crying his eyes out and shaking thinking that you'd hate him for it. He kept on saying how he was sorry for what he had done to me and that it was the biggest mistake of his life."

"I'm glad you told me, I won't say anything to him. I hate myself for having done it to you."

"I feel the same way."

"I think we need o start over again. A new slate and all that sort of thing."

"Yeah. That's a good idea I think."

We lay in silence for some time, we held each other, we had never stopped doing so. I felt slightly crushed inside knowing what Conner had done and knew that he was feeling exactly the same right now. It was only as a couple that we could hope to stop that hurt inside though. We loved each other and that would battle through the pain and keep us fighting for each other. We had both made mistakes and we both regretted them. They had been made and all we could do was put them behind us now.

"I love you Conner, so much."

"I love you too Danny."

"I'm glad we talked about this. I think it's important that we don't keep anything from each other ever."

"I know, that's why I wanted to talk about it."

"Let's not ever do this to each other again."

"No never."

"I love you baby."

"I know, I love you too."

Will the couple be happy together again? How will Danny treat Sean? Is all truly forgiven and forgotten? How will life change as a group of friends here on? Who knows? Time will tell. wanna_get_lucky@hotmail.com