Right then.here it is, second chapter. Thanx to those of you who sent me some feed- back, it was much appreciated. If you love, hate or want to make a suggestion about this chapter please do on wanna_get_lucky@hotmail.com .I can't promise that these chapters are all going to be made in such quick succession of each other, but we'll see what happens shall we? I was going to build up the story a bit slower than I am doing, but I figured that some people might get bored so I hope that it doesn't all appear too cramped. Usual applies don't read if you are not of legal age to read, or are offended by stories of a homosexual nature.
Time Will Tell Chapter 2 - Found Out
"Hey Danny" oh that voice! It practically melts heart my heart. It still has that teenage rasp to it. And just seems to bounce over each word that it makes like a cork bobbing in the ocean.
"Conner, hey! Alright?"
"Yeah, not bad. Sean in today? I haven't seen him yet."
"Not sure, he was pretty pale this morning and so might be ill but he usually catches the bus after mine anyway, I get here earlier than he does so that I can hang round with these morons before school." I said nodding to the guys who were standing with me in the park half way between the two schools.
"Geek!" Trix and Scott jokingly replied back to me. Conner smiled at the strange way that we kidded around with each other, as soon as I saw his smile it was far too late, I broke out into the biggest grin I could make naturally.
"OK thanks then I'll see ya later then." Said Conner walking back towards school.
"You're coming around again tonight then?" I asked as naturally as possible.
"That's what I was looking for your brother about, but it if he's probably ill then I better leave him get his rest." Conner replied having stopped and spun in his tracks.
"You should come round anyway, he'll be pleased to get a visitor if he is at home." I wasn't sure if Sean would appreciate me choosing people for him to hang around with, but that didn't concern me. All I was concerned with was being able to see Conner out of his uncomfortable school uniform and in some of those sexy clothes that he was wears.
"You sure that won't be a problem? I don't want to impose."
"Nah don't be silly, if you want to come back with us in case he's got the front door locked then you won't be waiting around for hours. Oh, but if you did that then we're going to Mitchell's before we head home. We won't be there long though, it's up to you." I was terrified that he might pick up on how desperate I was to get him to hang around with us, but I hadn't seen him yesterday and almost felt as if I was getting withdrawal symptoms from not having him around.
"You sure you don't mind me hanging around with you guys? I know that your brother likes to hang around with you all, but I just don't want to get in the way you know?" He said as he came back up closer to us, walking as gracefully as a king.
"Of course not, the more the merrier. I wouldn't offer if I didn't mean it."
"Then I'd love to join you. Are you going to Mitchell's straight from school?"
"Yeah, Scott's going to be late because he has detention but otherwise we're all going straight down."
"Great, I'll see you there then. By the way, you played pretty well last night." He said much to my confusion.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"In orchestra, your solo, you're pretty good. I was playing the drums, they needed me because the other guy was really bad apparently."
"I never noticed you there, you should have come and said hi."
"I got there late because I had footy practice after school. You were all already playing when I got in, that's why you didn't see me. And then you left in quite a hurry so I figured that you'd had to be somewhere."
"Yeah, I wanted to check that Sean wasn't wrecking the house since mum and dad get back this Friday." I didn't want to let him know that I wanted to get home to see if he was there.
"Right," he said smiling "I'll see you at Mitchell's then."
"Sure, see ya."
"See ya." All my friends said as Conner walked back to school.
"He's a great guy isn't he?" Trix said. Everyone agreed, especially me.
"I don't fucking understand you sometimes Tracey."
"Don't you swear at me! You knew full well that my father isn't happy with me going out with you! I had to tell him that I was going to Kate's or else I wouldn't be allowed to stay at yours!"
"Why are you so ashamed about us going out with each other? Why do you care what other people think about us?"
"Don't be so stupid Tristan! If I told my dad, I couldn't stay at yours! I am not ashamed to be going out with you and I worry about what other people think because other people can split us up!"
"Stupid huh? Is that what you think of me? Well if you have such a low impression of me, how could I even imagine that your father would think I was a half descent guy?"
"Ohhh! I didn't mean it and you know that."
"You called me stupid, I'm sorry but I can't see that there is anything to read into that.
How could you not mean it? That is exactly what you said!"
"I meant that you were acting stupid, not that you are stupid, if I didn't make that clear then I'm sorry."
"What you said was very clear. And I don't appreciate being called stupid."
"FINE! Be like that, get up on your high horse again. You know what? I am SICK of you thinking that you can talk to me as if you were a better person that I am. Maybe my dad is right about you!" Trace felt sick as she turned and walked away from her boyfriend, she felt as if she had just slapped him, of course she hadn't physically, as much as she had wanted to. As she walked away from Trix who stood with a look of disbelief on his face she fought to keep her tears from pouring out. She stormed off as her eyes felt like they were being scolded by boiling tears that she refused to shed.
Trix stood alone in the park feeling physically wounded by those last words that his girlfriend had hurled at him. He felt torn realising that he had pushed her too far. He felt guilty that he had argued back, it wasn't Tracey's fault that her dad didn't like him. He was just being silly, wanting her to not have to lie to her father. He loved her so much though that he wanted to tell the entire world. He wanted to stand up and announce in full school assembly and announce that he was in love with her.
He wanted to announce it live from the BBC news desk. He hadn't meant to take out his frustration on the person that he least wanted to hurt in the world. He sat in the park in the place where he had been stood as he watched his lover disappear from view. He could see that she wasn't even crying about their argument and felt so alone, so unloved and so foolish. He sat there as a tear rolled down his cheek, at that moment he couldn't help it anymore he sobbed openly. Luckily, he thought after he had pulled himself together, there had not been anyone there to see.
October 3rd: Conner was round tonight, again. Jesus Christ, I can't stand being near him anymore.
Why can't I tell him the way he makes me feel? My eye's were fixed on his lips as he talked to Kate about his last school. Those lips really are magnificent, I have imagined him having them pressed up against my own in a passionate embrace so many times now that it would be daft to even consider counting. I realised that I was staring at him again, not the first time in the evening! He sat there on my bed with me, Kate, Luke and with Scott and Claire on the floor next to each other. All of us were listening to him telling us about his last school. I kept on phasing out thinking about him though.
It has become so hard for me to be near him, he's been here for nearly a month now and I am still falling helplessly in love with him. He actually hangs around with me more than he does with my brother and more than my brother hangs around with me. He seems to be almost always at my side. It's so good to know that he is such a good friend and wants to hang around with me, but it's also so very difficult to have him so near me and to know that we could never have more than friendship.
Kate was right though; I am in love with him. Knowing that he will never return my love almost crushes me. I know that he is who I was destined to fall in love with and that whether or not he was destined to feel the same way, I can't stop this feeling of such well being whenever he's near me. I can't tell him either, he'll probably be completely weirded out or hate me forever.
Whenever I am alone now, I cry. The number of times I have cried myself to sleep these last few weeks astonishes me. I have fallen in love with him so quickly.
When I am with him things seem OK, I am happy. When I am alone I realise that he could never be there for me when I feel alone. He could never hold me in his heart the way I hold him in mine. That is why I want to stop spending so much time with him, and that is also why I want to spend as much time as I can with him as I possibly can.
I looked at my watch quickly, taking a break from writing and saw that I was late to start getting ready for tonight's party at Claire's house. I put my diary on my floor open at the right page so I could reflect on what I had just written once I was ready. I ran into the bathroom and started getting undressed to get in the shower.
Kate and Conner approached Daniel's house, Conner ran up the steps to the front door and rang the bell. Kate could see that he was dying to get to the party. She thought how special he must feel to have been accepted into the schools most popular group of friends, even though he was still in the year below. She'd seen how the girls had began to flock around with him. He seemed to enjoy the attention but never risked bringing anyone new into the group of friends that he had joined, he didn't feel it his place to do so. Sean soon came to the door looking fantastic, he had made an effort to look good for this party.
"Who's the lucky girl then Sean?" Claire teased.
"The one who gets me darling, would you like first try?" he retorted smugly.
"Clever, very clever."
"Is Danny ready yet Sean?"
"Conner, chill man. The party doesn't start for another half an hour and it's only a 15 minute walk to Claire's. He's still in the shower, shouldn't be long though."
"Yeah whatever." Replied Conner sounding a bit disillusioned.
"Has he got the drink then? We could start now rather than carry a bag of alcohol around the streets and risk getting it taken off us, at least we'll have had some."
"Good idea, let's go to his room."
The three of them ran up the stairs just as the shower had been switched off. Conner shouted out; "Hey Danny!" as he ran past the bathroom and into Danny's room.
Conner stood aside as Sean started to sort out the drinks for everyone. Kate was watching and waiting as Sean looked for her gin. Conner couldn't help but notice his name written in Danny's hand writing in a book down on the floor by his feet. Not being able to prevent his curiosity he bent down and picked up the book. He started to read what he now realised was a diary entry;
Conner was round tonight, again. Jesus Christ, I can't stand being near him anymore. Why can't I tell him the way he makes me feel?
He couldn't believe what he had just read. He was shocked and said aloud; "What the fuck?"
He read the lines again as Kate snatched the diary away from him looking really pale and worried. Conner looked up in anger; "GIVE THAT BACK NOW!"
"Oh shit!" I said having heard Conner greet me whilst going in to my room.
"Oh FUCK no!" I have to get my diary in case he sees it I was thinking to myself terrified I was already too late.
I didn't even bother drying myself, I just pulled on my tracksuit bottoms and T-shirt and ran out of the bathroom. I rounded the corner to my bedroom, almost slipping on the wooden floor with the water dripping down from my wet body.
What I saw scared the crap out of me. Kate looking terrified and holding my diary away from Conner who was staring at me angrily and Sean looking at me with utter confusion on his face. I stood there for nearly a minute with nobody moving, saying anything until I said quietly; "Oh fuck!"
Conner suddenly shouted at me; "What the fuck is that about?"
"I'm so, so, so sorry Conner."
"What have I done? Tell me." He was trying his very hardest not to cry, I felt sick, I felt that I had violated him and that because of my selfish ways he would never be able to look at me again.
"It's not what you think." I said it faintly and close to tears. I couldn't think of anything else to say, I was lying to him which made me feel even worse.
"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN? How do I make you feel? Why can't you stand being near me?" I realised at this point that he didn't know that I was in love with him. That made me feel a little better, at least he didn't hate me because I loved him.
"Tell me, please." He sounded more resigned now, almost drained. I looked at Kate, she looked concerned.
"Let him finish reading it. If he's going to hate me, I want it to be for the right reasons at least."
"Are you sure?" Kate asked seeming quite worried.
I walked slowly towards the pair and Conner seemed to have a new found rage inside him, the upset in his eyes turned back to anger; "I thought we were best friends Danny, tell me what I did wrong!"
"Just finish reading what you were, then you'll understand. But before you do, I want you to understand that I never intended to hurt you in anyway and I want your word, as a human being, that no matter what you think of me after you've read that, you take it to the grave. You never tell a soul."
Conner looked upset again now, I felt so sick and worthless. I slumped to the floor, looking down at my feet with my heads in my hands.
"You have my word" He said finally.
I heard him get handed the diary, I couldn't look at him. I didn't know what to feel. I felt so many emotions just seem to slide out of me. I felt no more guilt, rage and desperation. I felt like an emotionless shell. I realised then just how long Conner was taking to read the page. I had a mental picture of him looking down at me in disgust. I couldn't take it, just the thought of him looking at me with hate in his eyes almost killed me, I began to cry, I couldn't help it. Tears just rolled out of my eyes, I must have made Niagara Falls look like a drippy garden tap. I heard a noise for the first time in what seemed like hours, I could sense that someone was bending down next me, I thought it was Kate. I slowly dried my eyes and turned to look at her hoping for a comforting face, I turned my head and my eyes fixed onto Conner's who was where I had expected to find Kate. He looked genuinely upset, he was crying.
That sight started me off again, I looked back down at my feet and felt my eyes build up with boiling hot tears, burning me. I felt my insides crumple up, they constricted as if an arrow had just been shot straight into my stomach. I had upset the only person that I care about in the world.
I heard my brothers voice ask Kate worriedly and almost as a whisper; "What's going on?"
I heard no reply, all I heard was Conner clear his throat and sniff and wipe away some tears. Then he spoke; "Claire, I'm not coming to the party with you, sorry."
What have I done I thought, I've driven him away from his friends as well as me through my selfish desires.
"Danny," he said softly, I listened to the silence as he paused before finishing his sentence. It was a cold deadly silence, one that you might expect to face in a haunted house or something. There was nothing to be heard, no breaths, no movement, no distant cars, absolute deathly silence.
He repeated; "Danny, we can't be friends anymore."
And there you have it. Hate cliff-hangers? Complain to me on wanna_get_lucky@hotmail.com or if you like it mail me too!