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Chapter 24 - Acquaintance
"Where is he?"
"I don't know, we heard him shout at John then he left. He came back in here first and seemed really upset then he said he was going for a walk! Conner wanted to go with him but he apologised and said that he needed a little time alone."
"How long ago did he leave then?"
"About half an hour ago."
"Is Conner pissed off with him?"
"No. He seemed to understand. He went home to do some chores for his mum though."
"That's alright then." Trix had been worried that I was going to go off and not come back again. They didn't have to worry about that though, I had had no intention of doing that. I just needed time to think things over, to sort of solidify some things and ideas in my head. I was worried about what would happen with Paul since his bad reaction to Conner's and my news, I also wanted to try and think about the different scenarios that could arise from John being back in my life. Whilst I was out though, I made myself angry. I wanted to know why the hell Trix had wanted him in the band so badly after all he had done to me. Trix had been adamant that we should have John with us, but I couldn't see why. John had been nothing but evil to me, and Trix knew and had seemed to hate him for it. Now he was fighting to get John a chance playing in the band with us. I couldn't understand why though.
"This is my fault isn't it?" Paul sounded guilty.
"Why? What happened?"
"Danny told Paul and he flipped."
"I didn't flip, well I guess I did, but not for the right reasons."
"Why should you have flipped at him at all?"
"No, I didn't mean that, I know I shouldn't have I didn't mean to, it just took me by surprise, he just, he just, I don't know, he just said it. Like there was nothing to it, like it was the most logical thing in the world. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with it, he took me by surprise that's all." Everybody's attention was turned away as I opened the front door.
"Danny. I, err, I think that we, err, we need to talk."
"Yeah whatever. Trix I want to speak with you first."
"What the fuck have I done?"
"Can we go up to my room?"
"Err, OK." We left the others in the kitchen.
"He hates me doesn't he?"
"No, he's pissed off at something though."
"He hates me, you heard the way he said 'yeah whatever' didn't you?"
"He doesn't hate you, besides when you explain I'm sure he'll understand."
"I hope so."
"So, what's this all about then?"
"Why the fuck were you so keen to have Meyrick in the band?"
"I thought we'd been through all this?"
"We have and I've decided that I'm not happy with your reason."
"Well there's nothing I can do about that."
"I want you to tell me the real reason, that might help."
"What the fuck are you on about Danny? What makes you think that I haven't told you the real reason."
"Because you hated him. You actually said to him that nobody got away with treating your friends the way he treated me and then only a matter of days later you invite him round to my house!"
"We need him for the concert Danny."
"I don't buy that."
"Buy what?"
"That reason, whether he plays well or not, you don't like him and I know you, usually on principle you wouldn't let people you don't like help you, not with anything. Like when you're playing football, you only ever pass to your own team- mates that you like, you piss of your coach no end doing that. Why would you let John Meyrick join our band, come round to my house? You would never normally do that."
"Well it's different this time."
"Why?"
"It just is. I think you should at least be civil with him too, you don't want him trying to take you down again."
"What the fuck are you saying here Trix? I'm with you guys, nobody would ever think I was gay. I hang around the most influential guys in school and since everyone knows him to be the fucking asshole that he is, they wouldn't believe him over you."
"There's only so many times that a rumour can go around before people will start thinking it's true Danny, regardless of who says otherwise."
"And so how is hanging around with John Meyrick going to ensure that no more rumours would go around anyway?"
"Keep your friends close but your enemies closer Danny."
"That didn't help when we were friends Trix! He still fucking told everyone at school."
"If you're nice to him then he won't go starting fresh rumours will he? I don't want people knowing you're gay Danny. For your sake." He added that last bit lamely as an afterthought and with a hint of being nervous in his voice.
"I, think I get you now. I think I understand what's going on here. You just don't want people knowing that you hang around with a queer do you? It's not for my sake at all. You're putting me through this to save your own skin."
"That's not it Danny." His reply didn't convince me, he turned his eyes from mine and hung his head when he said it.
"I think it probably is. You want him to think of you as a friend because you don't want your name dirtied around school, that's it isn't it? Isn't it? If I'm wrong, come on and tell me the real reason!"
"Danny, look."
"Is it true or not Trix? Tell me!" He made no answer. "So you would rather put me through hell trying to get into John Meyrick's good books so that you don't look bad in school? What do you actually value our friendship at Trix?"
"It's one of the most important in my life Danny! Don't you try and throw that shit at me! I was doing this so that we could still be friends." He got suddenly defensive.
"So you wouldn't still want to be friends if people knew that I was gay?"
"No, I mean yes, look why should we have to go through that though?"
"That is not the point!"
"Yes it is. If we let everyone know then your life would be more awkward and our lives would be more awkward, the people who would make your life a misery would do with ours too because we hang around with you."
"And you wouldn't put up with that for friendship."
"Yes I would, but I will avoid having to get into that sort of situation. Danny, I will always be friends with you, I hope at least, I will always hang around you and help you whenever I can, regardless of who knows about you and how I'm treated for it. I just don't want to have to get any shit from it when it isn't necessary. Nobody needs to know and I am trying to get him on side so that he doesn't get any ideas and nobody gets hurt, OK? If it's so difficult for you, we'll kick him out now, I'll ring him this minute if you want me to."
"Trix?"
"Yeah?"
"It'll be fine, nobody will say anything. Like I said, everybody in the school follows your lead, yours and the rest of our group of friends, if we like things they like the same things, you must have noticed that. Like when you had you hair cut into your brush forward, out of your centre parting, didn't you notice how everyday after that, more and more people came to school with brush forwards?"
"I thought that was a coincidence."
"No, otherwise when I started hanging out with you they wouldn't have stopped calling me and even thinking that I was gay without us having become friends. So you see Meyrick holds nothing on you, you give him social power by letting him be with us. If you leave him alone then there is nothing that he can do."
"In that case, we need a new guitarist Danny. And fast!"
"Cool. Thank fuck he's gone again!"
"You feel better now?"
"Like I've had the world lifted off my shoulders."
"Shall we go back down now? Dodgy wants to talk to you."
"Oh shit! Is it good or bad?"
"Good."
"That's a start I suppose."
"Let's go."
"Paul?"
"Yeah."
"You wanted to speak with me?"
"Err, yeah. I just wanted to say that I was sorry. I shouldn't have reacted the way I did, I'm not even sure why I did but you should know that I'm OK with it, completely. I was kind of shocked that's all."
"Sounds familiar hey Trix?"
"Fuck off Danny."
"It's OK man, no hard feelings. I can see that it was probably a little tactless of us anyway."
"No, but that isn't your fault, I don't want you two to act any different to how you normally would, don't feel you can't go near each other or snog each other just because I'm here."
"They don't do in public anyway. They kiss each other but I've never seen them go for it in public. You know? Just the occasional peck on the cheek, but even then, that isn't very often."
"Well, that's because of you in part Trix anyway."
"Me, why?"
"Because of the way you reacted when he just sat on my knee."
"I apologised for that!"
"Yeah, but we didn't want to risk having that again."
"It won't, I promise. Jesus and for all this time I've thought that you both frigid!"
"Well, if you really are OK with it, then we'll be proving you wrong from now on then!" I said it with a grin.
"So! What are we going to do tonight boys? I think we need to have a little celebration for Dodgy's arrival. Anyone's parents out, away or something?"
"Oh yeah. Sean? When does mum leave for New York again?"
"Wednesday next week. Right in the middle of half term."
"Cool. Well, for tonight we can go to my room, but we can't get too pissed cause mum will be home."
"Yeah, that sounds like a good idea."
"Ah ha, finally you arrive!"
"Sorry gorgeous, mum made me finish my homework before I was allowed out."
"Bad luck babes. Come come." I beckoned for Conner to sit with me. He gave an apprehensive look motioning his head towards Paul. I just shook my head to let him know it didn't matter. He made his way over to me and sat down next to me, but just sat there. I put my arm around him and pulled him to lean against me. Paul caught himself looking and sort of turned his eyes away quickly, I think we were embarrassing him slightly.
"Err, Conner, I just want to apologise for the way I reacted earlier, I have no problem with you two whatsoever, I just freaked out a bit."
"Oh. OK, thanks then err, Paul."
"And Trix here was complaining that we don't kiss enough in public."
"I wouldn't say that I was complaining, just making an observation."
"I think that we can change that can't we babes?"
"I think so!"
And so we kissed. Full on each other's lips. I held my hand to the warm skin on his face and played with his gentle and massaging tongue with my own. We were there for quite a while. Although the kiss was initiated as a joke, I pulled away from him with the overwhelming feeling that he always gave me when we kissed. I was lost in him, I wanted him and felt my love for him just flowing around inside me. We looked into each others eyes and I wanted him, there and then, but managed to remember that we were in a room full of our friends and so had to break our gaze to look back out at the others.
"Was that all? I thought you were trying to break a time record or something!"
"Fuck off Trix." Conner and I both joked at the same time. I was pleasantly surprised that there really didn't seem to be anybody upset by our show of emotion. I was also getting pretty damn horny too though.
"You staying tonight babes?" I whispered into his ear.
"I'll ring and let my mum know in a minute shall I?"
"Good. After that I'm going to need more!"
"Uh huh. Me too."
"Err, guy's? Before you get too comfortable, what do you say we go in town tonight?"
"Huh? Oh! Yeah sure, where were you thinking of going?"
"Just find somewhere really."
"OK, where are we going to meet then?"
"How about Reds?"
"You think we'll get in this time, they not going to be more strict with it being the weekend?"
"No they're relaxing a bit more again now, all the clubs and pubs are. The police are doing that speed campaign again so there isn't as many of them around town at nights anymore."
"Yeah we'll give it a go then, so what time? Nine o'clock?"
"Yeah. Sounds good, that gives us all a few hours."
"Scott you going to be bringing Robbie tonight?"
"Yeah, he was coming out with us anyway."
"Who's Robbie?" Paul had a lot to learn.
"Robbie's my boyfriend."
Paul laughed a little, nervously. Seeing that nobody else was he stopped pretty quickly.
"Really?"
"Uh huh."
"Oh! OK then. Anything else I need to know? Luke you got anything you want to tell me?"
"What? Why does everyone always turn to me next?" Everybody else was laughing. "It's like when Trix finds out about Scott as well as Danny, he asks me if I am gay, now Paul comes along and does the same!"
"I was just kidding. Calm down."
"What do you have against gay people anyway Luke?" I asked him jokingly.
"Piss off! You know what I mean."
"OK."
"OK, do you want to use the shower first babes?"
"I was thinking maybe we could have one together. You know, save water." His suggestive little grin was so cute, I loved it when he did that.
"We just had sex! You trying to drain me?"
"We've got an hour before we have to meet the others. We don't have to do anything in there anyway. I thought it might be nice though."
"OK then, let's go."
Conner grabbed some clothes from my wardrobe. He had started leaving clothes and boxers and socks round at my house. I had some of mine around at his too. It made things simpler for us if we were going out on the spur of the moment and didn't want to have to go home and change then meet up again later. It gave us a certain sense of solidarity in our relationship too, the sort of familiarity that we thrived on with each other.
We headed into the shower together. It was the first time that we had done this and it felt really nice to be able to do it. It made me feel like we were a true couple. That sort of thing makes you realise just how together you are, when you can share a shower and not think anything of it. Sounds weird I know, but that's the way it felt.
"I love you Conner."
"I thought that you didn't want to have sex again!"
"What? Can't I say I love you without you thinking I want sex"
"I was just joking. What brought that on anyway?"
"What on?"
"You saying that you loved me from nowhere."
"I just do. I love you so much."
"I know. I love you too."
"OK, so who then?"
"I don't know."
"There has to be someone."
"There's that guy in the year above, Ben Stevenson."
"Hasn't he got his own band?"
"Yeah, but they're crap. He's the only good one, they didn't make the auditions for the ball because they weren't good enough. He is pretty good though and I'm sure that if we offered he'd be willing to join us instead."
"Yeah, that's an idea. He's a pretty nice guy too."
"Anyone have any objections? No? Good, then he's top of the list for now then."
"Finally, is this over now?"
"Is what over?"
"This guitar player search."
"Yeah, hopefully."
"I rang John by the way, told him we wouldn't be needing him anymore."
"Really what did he say?"
"He sounded kind of disappointed."
"Oh well. He's out at least. You want a chip?"
"Uh huh, chuck us the ketchup please Sean."
"It's next to you!"
"Oh yeah."
"So where are we meeting the others again?"
"Reds."
"That's the one."
"You want any dessert babes?"
"I'm not that bothered, we can head off instead if you want."
"Sounds good. You finished Sean?"
"Two minutes."
"OK. I'll just grab my wallet, could you put the plate in the dish washer for me once you've finished those chips Trix?"
We had been in Reds for coming on two hours now, it was a reasonably large club with a reputation for playing descent music at loud levels. Tonight was no exception, they had some local guy mixing, he was going for the more commercial house style music but had started turning to more hardcore songs in the last half an hour. We'd managed to get our selves a table and we were drinking away.
"Danny! Hey." I turned to look at who had greeted me.
"Hey Hannah. Good night?"
"Not too bad, not too bad. Yourself?"
"Fine. Oh, err, this is Paul Ibertson, he's on holiday here."
"Hi." Hannah leant over the table and shook his hand. "Where are you from then?"
"Here originally but my family moved to Australia a couple of years back. This is the first time I've been back since we left. Hannah isn't it?"
"Yeah, Hannah Matthews."
"Who you out with Hannah?"
"I was out with Felix but he's gone home early. I thought I'd stay out for a while longer though."
"Pull up a chair if you're on your own."
"OK, thanks I will."
"So how come Felix went home early then?"
"He has work tomorrow."
"Poor guy."
"Yup! Oh, whilst I think about it, would you lot like to come to my birthday bash? I'm having another house party and you're all more than welcome, it's next Saturday if you can make it."
"Sounds good."
"So you'll be there?"
"I don't see why not."
"Cool."
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