Chapter 29 - Negotiations
I felt as sick as a dog. It was like I was waiting to be interviewed by the police. I sat on the bench, waiting. I knew he was making me wait on purpose. Letting me sit and get myself all worked up. I knew he was, but it worked. It worked despite me understanding the way that his mind worked. I was terrified actually. Running over things in my mind. He'd said that we were at war now, he was winning. As far as our little war went, he'd just created the atomic bomb. I was just waiting for him to set it off now.
"Are you ready to talk business?" The control that he had once harnessed over me, he once again possessed. Only this time he had it over Conner as well. He had come up behind me, I never saw him coming, a tactical move which instantly made his winning position even better. Now that I had shown myself to be nervous he knew that he was upsetting me.
"Wasn't sure if you'd bother turning up."
"What? And miss you sweating? I'm going to be direct about this Danny, you wrecked my life. You somehow got in there with Race and that lot making me the outcast for having apparently lied that you were gay. You know that you were, everybody else was willing to believe Trix and that lot who said you weren't. Now they know you are and seem to be supportive of you. You better hope that they continue to be supportive, otherwise you'll lose everything, your friends, social standing, respect, the lot!"
"They will, I know they will."
"Really?"
"Yeah. That's one thing that you never got the concept of, friendship, that's why you have no friends."
"I have friends."
"Not ones you can keep though. Where's Tom? And Nick, Jordan, Charlie? Huh? They didn't stick with you did they, because you're such a piece of shit that they couldn't stand being around you I bet!"
"I'd watch you're fucking mouth if I were you, I still have the negatives. DON'T forget it Owen!"
"What proof do I have that you're not going to make copies of the photo even if you had any intention of giving the negatives to me?"
"My word."
"Your word also involved not telling anybody that I was gay a few years back John. The next school day I was hated by everybody that looked at me."
"You can only trust me then."
"Why should I?"
"Because it's your only chance of stopping people finding out about your and Conner's little love affair isn't it?" I fell silent, my rage subsiding quickly. I remembered that I was here for Conner. Not so much myself anymore, I couldn't care less anymore, but Conner wasn't ready to be outted and I would do my best to stop it happening. "That shut you up didn't it? You really like him don't you?"
I didn't answer him.
"I can see it, you love him don't you?"
Again I didn't answer.
"Well if you're going to be so fucking unreceptive then I'm not even going to make you a chance to get the negatives." He stood up to walk away. I panicked.
"OK, OK I'm sorry. I'll talk."
"Then answer my question."
"Conner is the best thing that has happened to me. Conner is everything that I ever wanted in life and more. Yeah, I love him, with all my heart, and if I lose him because of you John, then just remember that I will hunt you down and rip out whatever is in place of your backbone."
"That's a good answer, just what I wanted to hear."
"Why is that so important to you?"
"Because now I'm going to tell you what I want in return for the negatives." He had my attention. I wanted to know where he was going with this. I was worried to say the least, but waited to see what he had schemed up. "Have you ever seen the film Indecent Proposal?"
"What? Is that with Julia Roberts?"
"No, Demi Moore, Woody Harrelson and Robert Redford? You know the one?"
"I don't know, what happens? What the fuck has this got to do with our situation anyway?"
"I'm getting to that. The basic plot of the film is this; Woody and Demi are married, they are really poor and decide to go and win some of the money that they owe in Las Vegas. They get to Las Vegas and have no luck, that's when Robert Redford comes in. He's like this really rich bastard who takes a liking to Demi Moore, so, he offers, and I hope you're paying attention to this part, he offers Woody one million pounds for a night with Demi. Do you see what I'm getting at here?"
"I do, and if you think that there is any fucking chance that I would let you NEAR my fucking Conner, then you are even more of a twisted fucking CUNT than I ever gave you credit for!"
"Really? Well, if I were you, I'd talk it over with him."
"FUCK YOU!"
"Oh, dear! Danny, Danny, Danny! Because I know that you're not too receptive to the idea right now, I'm going to ignore you're abuse this time, but if I were you, I'd think about it. You have till Wednesday to decide. If I haven't heard from you by then I'll take it as a no. And come the end of half term holidays, Monday morning will be pretty bad for you and Conner."
"You fucking raped me John, isn't that enough revenge for you?"
"No, that was for my own amusement. And before you did what you did to me."
"You are seriously fucked up you know?"
"I know."
"You're lucky I don't press charges for you breaking and entering my house, you'll show the photo anyway."
"What do you mean? You don't know? You don't know! You really think that I'd risk breaking into your house to get a lousy photo of you in bed with Conner?"
"What? You broke in breaking the window with that cricket ball!"
"I didn't break in at all Danny. Why would I own a cricket ball? I don't like the sport. Oh ho ho ho! Danny's finally figuring things out now isn't he? You still think all your friends are true to you?"
"You're lying! You are LYING!"
"Am I?" With that he got up and walked off. I sat there and cried. I didn't know what to do anymore. I was starting to feel like I had failed Conner and was now suspecting Luke for having betrayed me. Luke was the cricketer, but why would John have ratted out Luke if he had helped him? Luke wasn't the type surely? I suddenly remembered the fight we had had not too long ago;
"All ready for a mad party tonight then?"
"Oh yeah? Where is it?" I said back playing dumb.
"Well, you know Sean Owen? Well his brother is a bit of a dick but we're going to his tonight." Luke thought he was being funny.
"Oh right is that the one who hangs around with that gay guy? What's his name Luke Bentham."
"Fuck you!" It took me by surprise. He said it out loud, all the class heard including Mr. Porter. I looked round at the stunned faces from Luke's abrupt and silence- breaking shout. As I looked back to him he was visibly upset by my comment. I went bright red.
There had been that time when he showed a sudden anger at me. He knew I was only joking, that wouldn't have been enough to make him turn on me though, surely! I thought about it and how Luke had been my best friend at one stage, that changed, not for any reason, we just stopped being as good friends as we used to. I never suspected that he hated me though, not for a moment. Why did he? What the hell was with the cricket ball? Cricket season was on it's way and there were kids that played on my street sometimes, football, cricket, tennis, everything. They had broken so many windows in the past it was amazing that their parents hadn't gone bankrupt. Our lounge window had been smashed twice, once by a football and once by a golf ball! But would Luke do that to me? It made sense, I was ashamed to admit it, but it was a possibility. Luke had been acting weird lately. He'd spoken with John a fair bit when John was in the band. I'd seen them together laughing on a few occasions now that I thought about it.
I wiped the tears from my eyes and stood up to go back to my car. I was feeling like shit, like I'd been winded and smacked over the head. I got in and tried to recompose myself before I drove off.
"How did it go?"
"Don't ask! Conner we need to talk."
"Fuck, this is bad isn't it?"
"Yeah."
"You OK Danny?"
"You, you fuck off. I'll deal with you later Luke." With that I slammed the door closing Conner and myself in the kitchen.
"What the fuck was that about?"
"What has he got to deal with you about?"
"I don't know."
"He seemed pissed right royally with you Luke. Have you said anything to him?"
"Not that I can think of."
"He's got a lot on his mind right now, maybe it's not that important."
"Didn't you see the look he gave me?"
"No, not really."
"You know what they say? If looks could kill?"
"That bad huh?"
"Yeah. What could I have done wrong?"
"I don't know."
"You'll find out soon enough Luke."
They fell silent. A minute or so later the kitchen door was banged open. After Conner stormed out, all the others could see was me slumped on the floor. I felt like someone had pushed a knife in my heart. I couldn't breathe, I was crying too much.
"What happened?"
"Danny what's wrong?"
"Take a breath Danny, come on. Go bring Conner back here Scott."
"Sean's gone to get him."
"I, I, I, I don't want to lose him!"
"Danny, you're not going to lose Conner if that's what you mean."
"I already have done." And whatever control I had over my tears slipped away again.
"Danny? What can we do to help?"
"YOU! Stay out of my fucking life you back stabbing CUNT!" The energy I was turning out on crying suddenly drained into a rage as I leapt up and pinned Luke against a wall in the kitchen. The look on his face can only be described as one of terror and shock.
"Danny! What the fuck are you doing?"
"This is all his fault." They had pulled me off him and I had fallen to the floor again.
"What? What? How, how is this my fault?" I looked to Luke who actually had a tear in his eye as well. It took a few seconds for things to compute in my weary mind. My face was starting to hurt from having it scrunched up so much through crying. Around my eyes and my forehead were actually aching. Things began to come clearer to me now. I had associated the cricket ball with Luke, but there was no need for him to have broken into the house, he was with me when it must have happened and he was staying in the house overnight anyway. I had assumed that it was Luke because of the cricket ball but it didn't make sense for it to be him. I didn't know what to think anymore. I just lead down on the floor, gasping for breaths through my sobs. Apologising to Luke constantly. I couldn't make out who else was with me. When I managed to open my eyes all I could ever see was watery images. Conner couldn't have meant what he had said could he?
"You feeling better now?"
"No. I want my baby back."
"Tell us what's going on Danny."
"John basically said that I'd get the negatives back if he got to fuck Conner."
"WHAT?"
"You mean he's gay?"
"I don't know. He's at least bisexual."
"I never saw that one coming!"
"He also said that he didn't take the photo and that he was never in here. He denied knowing anything about the cricket ball." I noticed my reflection in the mirror that was at the other end of the lounge. I looked fucking awful and felt it too. My face and eyes were red from the tears, my hair was a mess and I looked really pale. I took another sip of the sugar pumped tea that Kate had made me.
"And that's why you thought it was me?"
"Yeah, I'm sorry, I really wasn't thinking straight. I'm so sorry Luke."
"So why did Conner run off?"
"I told him what John wanted. Conner thought that he should go through with it and said I was being selfish for wanting him not to."
"Jesus! You're joking!"
"He can't have meant that Danny, you know he couldn't have."
"He's just confused Danny, you should try talking with him again."
"What's the point? He's probably fucking Meyrick's brains out right now!"
"HEY! You STOP that Danny. You know he wouldn't do that to you!"
"It just hurt so much you know?" The tears started again. "Then he stormed out, and it felt like he had abandoned me."
"OK calm down Danny, come on. Jesus Danny, you're a right fucking state! Poor kid." Kate took me into a hug, I held her close to me as I tried to hold back my tears again.
I heard somebody whispering from behind me, I lifted and turned my head to find out who it was. Sean was standing in the entrance to the lounge looking sheepish.
"Hi Danny."
"Where is he? What did he say to you?"
"He's outside. He wants to see you."
I started getting up. I felt drained, my mind and body tired. I was exhausted. I slowly walked out of the house, as I passed Sean in the hallway he put his hand on my shoulder as if to let me know that he felt for me.
The air outside was cold. I took a look around and saw Conner sitting on the bench at the front of my house. It had grown dark over the three hours that Conner had been gone. I didn't know what he wanted to say to me, whether it was good or bad. At first, I saw him and a sense of tranquillity descended upon me, he was my baby, or at least he had been. My feeling of love quickly went to the sidelines to make room for the fear that he was going to reject me.
"Sean said you wanted to see me?"
"Yeah. Danny, I'm sorry. I made a bad decision, I didn't even mean it. More importantly, I didn't mean to upset you. I love you Danny." His voice started shaking, I knew he was crying and it made me cry because of it. "I would never have slept with Meyrick and I'm so sorry for telling you that I was going to. I just got scared. I'm scared about school finding out, I can't help it. I wasn't thinking straight and now I've upset you because of that."
"Conner, I'm sorry." I managed to get out over my sobs.
"What for?"
"This is all my fault. If you hadn't been going out with me, if I had never told Meyrick about me being gay then none of this would have ever happened."
"No, no, it's not your fault, don't say that. It's nobody's fault. Danny, I'm so sorry I said that I would go along with his plan, I can't take that back now, but I didn't mean it, not really. I will not let anything get in the way of our relationship again, I'm the one who's sorry. Danny, I love you. I will stay with you through this, it doesn't matter who knows about us as long as I've got you with me. We can make it though this together can't we?"
"Yeah, we can. I love you too Conner, we'll just have to be brave about this."
"I know. I'm scared though."
"Me too, but we'll help each other through this."
"Yeah."
"Don't ever do this to me again you hear? I love you so much. I hate losing you, my world crumbles when I think I haven't got you with me, loving me back."
"I'm sorry, it won't happen again, I promise."
"I know. Jesus! Next Monday should be interesting then."
"What, school? Tell me about it!"
"Conner? If anyone lays a finger on you, I want to know OK?"
"That isn't the way to go about this Danny, if they do anything to me and you get them back, then they'll get me again, it doesn't work like you think it does. It's not that simple."
"Conner, after I've finished with them they won't be able to get up, let alone get you again."
"And then their friends will get me instead."
"Not if they know what's good for them."
"I don't think that anyone's that stupid anyway, imagine the shit they'd get in."
"I hope so."
"Anyway, shall we go in?"
"Might as well." We made our way back into the house, meeting the others in the lounge.
"Sean, I don't know what you said to him, but whatever it was, thank you."
"I was thinking about becoming a marriage councillor after school, what do you think?"
"I think you'd do well."
"You two OK again?"
"Yeah."
"You're going to have to stop doing this breaking up thing. I was damn sure that Danny was going to shrivel up from the amount of fluid he was losing crying today. He only stopped for about ten minutes in three hours, no joke."
"I'm sorry baby."
"It's all forgotten now anyway."
"No, but I didn't want you to feel like that! I didn't want to hurt you."
"You're forgiven, It's not important anymore."
"So what are you two going to do?"
"We're going to do nothing, fuck him! If he's going to out us, let him. He's not coming anywhere near me. I'm reserved strictly for my Danny."
"OK, if anyone tries anything on, let us know, we'll sort them out."
"Thanks Trix, but we're going to have to sort that sort of thing out ourselves."
"Well, we'll all stand by you, don't forget that."
"We won't. Thanks. It's good to know we have friends like you guys to help us through this."
"We're not going to let you go this one yourselves."
Conner and I sat down. We were both weary and worried. Next Monday was going to be a difficult day for the both of us.