Time Will Tell

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Chapter 30 - Announcements

"Hello?"

"Good evening Danny, I hope you're fast approaching a final decision. Your deadline is tomorrow morning you realise?"

"Oh, well Conner and I have talked it through, and we have made a decision, yes."

"Really? May I ask you what it is now then?"

"I tell you what, I'll let Conner tell you since it is him you want to take to bed."

"I must say you're taking this very well Danny, you must be trying so hard to put on a brave face. You do realise why I decided that I'd use this as payment for the negatives don't you?"

"Do tell."

"Because I knew that it would hurt you. I knew that you would want to break down at the thought of me fucking the brains out of the guy you love. And I knew that you would agree to it since you know what will happen to you both if you are outted. Again, may I add."

"Well, I'll bear that in mind John, here's Conner."

The truth was I wasn't breaking down at all, I had no thoughts of Conner in bed with John. Conner had come to the decision on his own that we would rather be outted than risk our relationship again. That had happened too often and had tortured the both of us for too long. Everybody had heard the conversation on my end and knew that it was John. Conner was waiting to talk to him, to devastate John's plans. John had been so confident that we would agree. He didn't have that power anymore. What pleased me was that on Monday it would all be over. John would hold nothing on me and would no longer be able to hold anything over me. He was cashing in on his weapon against me, my being gay. Once everyone knew and I didn't deny it I would be able to enjoy freedom from John's influence over me. He would have nothing to threaten me with anymore and that almost made it worth it. Conner was eager to take the phone off me.

"Hello?"

"Conner! So, now we have got this far I'll tell you the rest of the arrangements, I know that Danny's parents are away. Tomorrow afternoon, I want you to make sure that there is only yourself and Danny in the house. If anyone else is in there or arrives whilst I'm there then the deals off. I'll be there for two o'clock and we'll go to Danny's bedroom and make the exchange if you get my drift."

"I get your drift, now let me tell you something. Fuck you! Fuck you, you sick, twisted, evil, malicious sexual deviant! If you thought that I would even consider sleeping with YOU, then may I suggest you find a councillor, and a good one. There isn't a barge pole in the world that would be long enough for me to want to touch you with, let alone allow you to put your fly infested, bean dick anywhere near me! You couldn't have seriously thought that you'd get me in bed with you did you? You really think that no matter what you had photos of us doing, I'd even consider breathing the air in the same room as you? You degenerate fuck up! You realise how ugly you are to have to resort to rape and to bribing people into sleeping with you?" I gave Conner a sharp look, he'd slipped up there. None of the others knew about the rape and I had wanted it kept that way. I hoped that they didn't pick up on it, they were all laughing at the way that Conner was talking to John. "Think about it John. Subconsciously you must realise what a repulsive body, face and personality you have to need to stoop so low as to have to black mail people into bed. You are one sad son of a bitch and the second your body goes six foot under your soul is gonna go a damn site further down! So FUCK you!" And he slammed the phone down and mock bowed to the cheer and round of applause that our friends gave in response.

"Well boys that's it, we've set the wheels in motion, by Monday we will be outted."

"Think about it Danny, we'll be able to go with each other in school and everything, we won't have to hide anything from anyone!" His grin made it all right that we were going to be the focus of bad attention in just four days. I would have Conner to help me through and a crowd of good friends too.

"I can't wait babes."

"So, Danny, we still throwing a party Friday?"

"Hell yeah! It may well be the last one that people actually turn up to, when they find out I'm gay and all."

"Possibly, I think that there's going to be a whole lot of people that aren't bothered by it though."

"They won't want others to think that though."

"That's a point, never thought of that."

"Danny? If anyone says anything to you, or touches you then I want to know OK?"

"Me too."

"Trix, Luke, I'll handle my own fights OK? I'm not going to run away from this anymore, I tried that last time and it doesn't seem that I was able to in the end. However, Conner, the second someone lays a finger on you, I want to know OK?"

"What, so you can fight your own battles and I can't?"

"No, but once you're finished kicking their ass, I'm going to carry on where you left off." He let his killer smile spread erotically over his face and did that damn thing where he looked lovingly into my eyes. I say 'that damn thing' because there is nothing that I can do to escape it, once it's there my heart starts pounding, I feel myself relax into a state of complete bliss and butterflies start flying around in my stomach. When he gives me that look, what ever I'm doing becomes irrelevant, I have to stand and explore those beautiful eyes of his.

"You know, you should out yourselves at this party you're having on Friday. Take the shine off John's attempts on Monday." We looked to Kate. I liked the idea, take the lustre off of John's quest for destroying me.

"What do you think babes?"

"Well, it would annoy John I think. We could do, nothing to lose I suppose. Do you want to?"

"I think it's not that bad an idea."

"If we can get the bottle up to do it that is."

"Well, I think that since we've resigned ourselves to the fact that we're going to be the hottest news in Parkway schools on Monday, it wouldn't make a difference if we announce it ourselves on Friday, that way the news has got time to spread more."

"True. Yeah let's do it then."

"Settled then. Who are we going to invite?"

"Everyone!"

"Sounds good to me."

"You're kiddin' right?"

"Nope. Come on it'll be a laugh."

"I refuse."

"Ah go on!"

"Nuh uh!"

"Yuh huh. Come on, it's not like I ask you to do much for me now is it?"

"That's besides the point!"

"Why won't you?"

"Because I'd feel stupid."

"Why?"

"What do you mean 'why'?"

"I mean why won't you?" Sean was laughing but still trying his best to hide his entertainment at the idea.

"Because!"

"Because? That's not a good reason, that's not a reason at all in fact!"

"Danny! Come on, I don't want to do this."

"You do or else you wouldn't be laughing."

"I'm laughing because it's a funny idea but I don't want to be the one to do it. Why don't you do it? You're the actor here, Prince Hamlet."

"You can pretend to cry better though, you had all that practice when you were little and wanted to get me into trouble with mum because I wouldn't let you play with my toys."

"That was years ago! Don't try guilt tripping me into doing this either, it won't work."

"OK fine forget it then, I'll ask Trix when he gets back."

"Don't you dare!"

"Why not?"

"Because Trix WILL do it."

"Do what?"

"Oh no, Danny don't you dare tell him."

"I dared Sean to lie down next to the caution slippery surface sign and start crying, make it look like he fell over." Trix started laughing loudly.

"That would be funny, but I couldn't do it for laughing."

"Where's yer bird then little one?"

"Don't call me that! She's probably waiting to come off her shift."

"At the body shop?" I said trying to hold back the sniggers that were itching to come from me.

"Would you shut up about that! There is nothing wrong with working at the body shop." Trix and I both laughed at how we'd managed to wind Sean up between us today.

"Why the hell are you giving me such a hard time today?"

"Because Conner's not here."

"You never give Conner a hard time, you luuurrrvvv him too much."

"I do give him a hard time, just not in public, in bed at nights." They understood my double meaning with the mischievous grin that I gave them.

"That's just a little information than I needed to know Danny!"

"What? It's not as if you didn't know we did."

"Pervert."

"Claire!"

"Ah ha! She arrives!"

"Claire beat them up they've been making fun of your job again!"

"You little snitch!"

"And what's wrong with working at The Body Shop?"

"Nothing, if you're a tree hugging hippie with tattoos and multiple body piercings."

"Don't remind me about it! You eaten already?"

"Uh huh, but we can wait for you."

"No, that's alright. I'm not hungry."

"You're not still on that diet idea are you?"

"No, I'm just not hungry. I had a big breakfast."

"You promise? You don't need to go on a diet Claire, you can't weigh more than seven stone now."

"Seven and a half actually. And I'm not dieting, and I'm not hungry so could you fucking drop it?"

"Sorry Claire." I had been on high spirits all day, Claire was obviously not.

"Are you two joining us or something?"

"No we were just bringing Sean here and grabbing some lunch. We're going to be off to meet Conner in a bit."

"We wouldn't want to impose on you two love birds any longer anyway." Trix started to get up.

"Just remember Sean mum's ringing at six so be home by then OK?"

"OK. See you guys later then."

"Yeah, See ya."

"See ya Sean, Claire."

"Bye Trix, bye Danny."

"Where to?"

"Err, meet Dodgy by Smiths."

"Cool, how'd he get on with his Aunt?"

"Fine, his cousins took him out over the weekend. He was pissed with them in Leicester Square."

"Isn't that where all the London hard core druggies push?"

"Doubt it, too open. Dodgy said he didn't see any at least."

"Means nothing, he was probably too pissed."

"More than likely."

"I can't believe he's only got a week before he goes left now."

"I know sucks doesn't it?"

"Yeah, it's been good seeing him again though."

"Yeah definitely. He want to come back over for the summer too."

"Cool."

"Hi guy's"

"We were just talking about you surfer boy."

"For Christ sake! I've told you, I live by Alice Springs. It's right in the middle of the country. There is no beach to surf on."

"OK, fine, fine!"

"So where are we going now?"

"Pick Conner up from work."

"How come he finishes right in the middle of the afternoon?"

"Shift work."

"Oh OK. And you two have the day off?"

"I do, Trix just took it."

"Won't you get fired?"

"I'm the floor manager, they need me. Besides it's the first time I've ever played off sick."

"OK."

"Is it Woolworth's where Conner works?"

"Uh huh."

"Let's go then."

"Cool."

"Sean? SEAN!?"

"WHAT?"

"GET THE DOOR!"

"YOU GET THE FUCKING DOOR! YOU'RE DOWNSTAIRS!"

"I'M BUSY!"

"SO AM I!"

"Fine, I'll get the fucking door then!" I mumbled pissed off to myself, I was comfy dammit!

"Can I help you?"

"I'm looking for Daniel or Sean Owen."

"OK, that's me."

"Hi, I'm from your mum's office. She asked me to get a hold of this for her and I thought that I'd bring it round so that she could see it as soon as she got back."

"OK, I'll take it. Thanks a lot, I'm sure she'll be really appreciative."

"That's OK. Bye."

"Bye." I took a look at the brochure that I'd been handed. It was a real estate brochure, for housing in San Francisco! "What the fuck?"

"What is it?" Sean had come down to investigate after all.

"Take a look."

"We're moving?"

"If we are then look where to."

"What the fuck?"

"That's what I thought."

"She can fuck off."

"I thought that too."

"Do you think this is for us? Could she have got it for somebody else?"

"Why would she? She's busy enough as it is without having to sort out where friends of hers want to move to."

"For a client then?"

"Her clients are all rich bastards, they have PA's to get that sort of thing for them."

"You don't really think she wants to move do you?"

"I don't know. I have no idea."

"Well I'm not going. I'm not leaving all our friends so she can have a better job or whatever she wants to move for."

"I think we had better wait until she says what this is about first Sean. We may have it all wrong, she knows we wouldn't want to move. She wouldn't do that to us."

"Let's ring her."

"Now? She'll be asleep. It's the middle of the night over there over there."

"I don't care, I want to find out what this is all about."

"She's ringing again tomorrow anyway."

"Well. Let's just wait until she's likely to be up, then we ring."

"OK, fair enough."

"Danny? Why would she want to move?"

"I don't know Sean. We don't know if she does want to yet. She might just be looking at this out of pure interest."

"That's not like mum though. She doesn't waste time on looking into things if she's not genuinely interested."

"I suppose not. I don't know why she wanted this then, we'll have to wait and see what she's got to say about it."

"Yeah. I guess we will. Where's Conner?"

"He went home to grab his Dawson's Creek album for us to listen to."

"Oh. OK." I started to walk back into the lounge to carry on watching MTV until Conner got back.

"Danny?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you all right?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"Just with what's happening to you. You don't seem to care that on Monday everybody at school is going to know about you. Again."

"I, I, well I guess so. I mean, well it was inevitable in the end I suppose. People were going to find out sooner or later."

"It's just you're too relaxed about it. You normally only do that when you're upset or worried, trying to hide it from everyone."

"I don't!" Sean gave me that 'Oh come on!' look. It took me off the defensive straight away. "I do?"

"Yeah you do." Sean started to walk towards the lounge and went to sit on the sofa turning off MTV when he got there. I sat next to him understanding that he wasn't going to let the subject drop and that he wanted to talk about it.

"Come on then, tell me your theory."

"Well, whenever you get in a situation where you're worried about something or nervous, scared, whatever, you start acting all nonchalant about it, as if it doesn't bother you and you're happy. Nobody who didn't know you as well as some of us do would be any the wiser, but I can tell. You were doing it last weekend before our concert, acting like you were the happiest guy on earth and as if we weren't about to go on stage or something. You were nervous then. And you've been doing it too much lately, all today acting like you were on a high or something, mucking around, making jokes, annoying people on purpose. That last one you only really ever do when you're worried. I know it's like this natural defence thing that you stick up in situations like this, but it can't be good for you. It's all right to be scared Danny. I was here when you were first outted by Meyrick, I saw what it did to you. I don't think I was ever going to tell you, but I think I should. I was awake that night when you tried to OD yourself on paracetamol, I could hear you go to mum and I heard you both crying. Mum started shouting asking you 'why' and all that. I was too scared to do anything though. I guess I was too young and didn't really understand the severity of what you had done. As I grew older though, knowing that you had tried to do that, it, well, you know, it really upset me. We became such good friends when you went through that, and I understand why you didn't want to tell me about it, but, I promised myself that I would never let you get to that stage again. I want you to know that no matter what happens, why it does, or whenever it does, I want you to know that you can talk about it with me. I promise that I'll be here for you Danny, whenever you need me, because you always have been for me." He had tears forming in his eyes. So did I mind you. I just leaned over and we pulled ourselves into each other's arms, both of us sniffing back tears.

"Sean, I can't thank you enough. You're right though, I guess I was trying to hide it from myself as well as everybody else, but I am scared, I'm terrified actually. I'm ready to come out, but I'm just scared to have to face the consequences. I mean it's not just me this time, it's Conner too and I didn't want to have to put him through this, it isn't fair on him."

"This isn't your fault Danny."

"It is, if I had used some fucking common sense and not told Meyrick all that time ago he wouldn't have been after me today. And I wouldn't have jeopardised Conner's safety either. I mean, you know what you're year group is like. When you're sixteen the most disgusting thing that guys can think about is gay's. Conner's going to get the stick from our relationship. He's going to be ridiculed, bullied and everything like it much more than I will, and it's all my fault. It's me that John's after, but Conner got stuck in the wake."

"Danny! Stop that. Do you think he really gives a shit what people say about him, he's got you and that's what he wants. You know that already. Don't doubt him Danny."

"I don't doubt him, I just doubt that he understands what he's about to go through."

"It's not going to be like it was for you. You were pretty much alone Danny. It was your friends that deserted you, you felt you had nobody to turn to. I was probably too young to be of any psychological help to you and not even mum knew. It's different this time. You both have us friends who will stand by you, Trix, Claire, Kate, Scott, Luke, Tracey, me, now James, Toby, Ryan and I could go on. You both have your parents to support you this time. Most importantly though you have each other. I know you two and the rest of us are just icing on the cake, even if you only had each other, which isn't the case, you'd both be fine, but you have so many other people to support you, to help you through whatever happens this time."

"I never looked at it that way."

"And no matter what you think, it is not your fault that Conner got dragged into this. Can you remember why you wanted to tell Meyrick and that lot that you were gay in the first place?"

"I guess it was because I thought that they had a right to know, being my friends and all."

"There you go then, you didn't cause any of this. It was out of the goodness of your heart that you told them. They then abused it because they didn't understand it, or like the fact or whatever it was. Danny, you've been a good brother, my best friend and someone who I look up to for as long as I can remember. It hurts me so much to know that you got yourself into a place that you thought you had no escape from, that you had nobody to turn to. You are a decent guy and I never want to see you hurt that much that you want to take your own life again OK?"

"OK."

"It's understandable that you're going to be scared, but just understand that I will not let you go back to how you were. I hope that this whole thing will help turn you back into the Danny that I used to know."

"How do you mean?"

"Your negativity. You never used to be as pessimistic as you are now. You probably didn't even notice that it changed. After you were outted you started becoming so pessimistic, always looking to the worst case scenario and expecting it. You've become so wary of people since then. They changed you and I hope that once you're outted on Monday you'll see how much your true friends are willing to stick by you and that you'll realise that things aren't always as bad as you expect them to be."

"It's better to be pessimistic. When things don't go your way you're prepared, you know how bad things can get. When things do go you're way it's a pleasant surprise."

"It's not good for you Danny, it drains your morale. You become all mopey. Conner stopped that to an extent, you've cheered up since you two fell in love, but you're still pessimistic. Just not about Conner anymore. That's how I know you love him, you're willing to be optimistic for and as far as Conner is concerned, not anyone else. You love him enough to always find the good in him and expect the good in him. That's why you get so upset when the two of you have a fight. You always think that it's the end of the world because you think that your optimism let you down, that you were wrong about Conner loving you. When you get back together, you're optimism instantly recharges and you realise what dick's you both were."

"Cheers!"

"It's true, you can be a dick sometimes, but I still love you."

"I love you too kiddo, but you know what Sean? You know me better than I know myself."

"Tell me about it."

"And Sean?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks. I know you'll be there for me and I promise that I'll talk to you if I need to."

" 'If?' That's a good start towards a more optimistic Danny!" He grinned. "I'll see you later anyway, I have course work to finish for Monday. Conner won't be long now anyway."

"Probably not."

"I'll be upstairs."

"Cool."

"Hey."

"Oh hey Paul. Where's Trix?"

"Getting some bev for me and him."

"Cool, nobody else is here yet."

"OK. Hi Conner, Sean."

"Hey Paul."

"All right Dodgy?"

"Not bad."

We all sat around and got involved in the usual chit-chat until the doorbell rang about five minutes later. I opened it to James, Ryan and Toby.

"Hey, you know you really should get used to just walking in when my mum's not at home."

"It just doesn't feel right."

"Well if it's any better, how about you knock and then walk in."

"That might work."

"Try it some time." I said smiling to James. They followed me to the lounge and said the usual greetings to everybody.

"So Danny, Conner? You really are going to go through with this tonight? Telling everyone you're a couple and everything?"

"I think so, we may as well. They'll find out from Meyrick on Monday anyhow."

"Cool. James and I were thinking about joining you."

"WHAT? Serious? Through choice?"

"Yeah. We figured it was time you know?"

"Sort of, I'm just surprised that's all."

"It's just an idea, you know? We talked about it and both thought that it might be better this way anyhow, if like four people come out at the same time then it might make it a little easier on all of us."

"That's a thought. I suppose it could do, the more that people realise that it's a part of life the easier they'll understand it."

"Well, maybe not understand, but more like be forced to deal with it."

"True."

"We thought that we'd ask you first though, in case you didn't want us to."

"Well, no go for it, but don't just do it like to jump on the band wagon, think seriously about it between now and then if you haven't already."

"We have, but I guess we'll decide when the time comes."

"OK."

"Do you need a hand with anything for now then?"

"Nah, we're all set up already."

"Cool."

"You guys drinking tonight?"

"Hell yeah!"

"Any of you staying?"

"I might."

"Yeah? Well there's room to spare on the lounge floor that's all I have left to offer I think Toby, is that OK?."

"Sounds fine."

"Cool."

"You sure you want to do this babes?"

"I think so."

"No, I don't want you thinking so, I want you to know for sure what you want to do. There's no turning back you realise, once we're out, we're out. Just realise that whatever happens, we can make it through this. I love you more than anything Conner, I don't want to force you into this if you don't want to do it."

"No, I want to do it. I know it would be better this way than them all seeing some stupid photo in school on Monday."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I love you Danny."

"I love you too babes." I paused the heavy house CD that somebody had put in and received a couple of boo's. Everybody turned in the direction of the music system to see if they could find out what had happened to the tunes. "Could I have everybody's attention please?" A near silence fell over the room, some people were still talking amongst themselves. I felt my stomach churning, leg's get weaker and my breathing getting more and more difficult. I was becoming aware that everybody was staring at me, waiting for me to say what I wanted to. "Err, OK. Well, oh fuck it, Conner and I are going out, we're gay and we're in love and we're not going to hide it anymore." With that I turned and grabbed Conner pulling his lips to mine with my hand on the back of his head. It was the only time that I ever kissed Conner and didn't feel right about it. I pulled back and saw the scared look on Conner's face, lost for what to do next I turned to look at the audience from which all the whispers and gasps of breath had come from moments before. "So, you're all welcome to stay, but if you don't want to be anywhere near us again, you're also welcome to leave." I waited a few seconds to see if anyone else said anything, particularly James or Ryan. Nobody moved! They all stood staring, some with the jaws dropped, some with frowns and others a little embarrassed. I was just about to turn around to put the music back on when I heard a voice from the crowd.

"We are too." Robbie and Scott were stood proudly next to each other and everybody's heads turned to look at them in unison. Now I didn't expect that one! I was stunned, I never expected Scott to agree to something like that.

"And us." Now James had spoken up. Him and Ryan again stood next to each other. That was it! In one fell swoop all the gay guy's that I knew had spoken out their deepest secret. The air was still thick though, nobody else knew what to say. Somebody did eventually though.

"CONGRATULATIONS GUYS!" Again every pair of eyes in the place turned to look at the voice responsible, finding Hannah, grinning from ear to ear. I smiled to her and she smiled back. I quickly turned on the music in an attempt to end this awkward situation. It didn't work though, it just made it an awkward situation whilst music was playing. Some people started dancing again after a short while, a lot of people started talking to each other. I never once looked to see if anyone left though, I don't think that I would have wanted to know anyway.

Conner and I sat at the side of the room, holding hands, for the first time in public. I never really looked up from the floor at or around my feet, apart from to look at Conner. I had the occasional person come up to me to say 'well done' or something similar, I never looked to see who they were though, I just said 'thanks' to the floor. The others were all around us too, James and Ryan, Scott and Robbie, Trix, Paul, Trace, Kate, Claire, Sean, Toby and Luke. Hannah came to talk too. It was after what must have been half an hour that I raised my head, I hadn't even realised that I had been crying but there were tears on my cheeks. Which I felt as I lifted my face and a breeze started blowing against the wet skin on my face. I looked around and saw that all my friends had been talking and laughing, all of them even Conner, Scott and the other guys who had come out with us basically. The light that now hit my eyes surprised me with its brightness, as if I had been asleep. I quickly took my hand from Conners and rubbed both my eyes dry and the trails that they had made down my face. It was so strange. It was as if I had fallen into a semiconscious state for the last half hour. I looked beyond my friends and saw that the room was still full, I didn't know whether that was a good sign or not.

"Are you OK?"

Conner reached out and gently stroked the side of my face, but I was panicking. I didn't know what I should do. I jumped away at Conner's touch, still scared for some odd reason that someone might see. I stood up, and practically fell back down again from the head rush of standing too quickly. What the hell was going on? I was scared but I didn't even know what about. I just about got back my balance before I ran for the front door. I struggled to grip the handle right, collapsing against it, before I tried to open it again and just swung it open before I ran outside into the cold air. I looked around me and saw nobody around and so just fell to the ground. That's when I realised that I couldn't breathe right. I was gasping for air but couldn't take it in, I didn't know what the hell was going on. It was as if I had just frozen up. I became more and more scared and felt myself slumping further to the ground, that's when I felt somebody put something over my face I was too weak to try and fight them off, I couldn't work out what the hell was going on. I felt somebody start rubbing my back and realised that it was a paper bag over my face. I had been hyperventilating, that was actually quite a relief, I thought that I was having a heart attack or something. I relaxed more and more as my breathing became easier.

"There you go, you better now?"

"You scared the SHIT out of me Danny!"

"Don't shout at him Conner, he doesn't need that now. Look at him, he's terrified." Kate sounded pretty annoyed.

"No, I'm not. I'm fine."

"What the fuck just happened Danny?"

"I think he had a panic attack. Danny, are you OK? Can you breathe now?"

"Yeah. I just, I felt really, Jesus I don't know what happened."

"Don't worry about it. Come on inside I'll get you some tea. Help him up boys." Trix and Luke were the closest, they put their arms under mine and helped me up. I could have done it by myself but I just felt really, I don't know, it's hard to explain, ineffectual I suppose.

I was escorted into the kitchen with Conner following like a fifth wheel. I had scared him, he was worried and wanted to help but he didn't know how.

"Conner could you get me a jumper please?" I didn't want him feeling like he couldn't help, I wasn't even cold but he was acting like a lost sheep so I sent him on a little mission.

"Are you better now?"

"Uh huh."

"What happened?"

"I don't know." Kate had gone into 'mothering mode' and wasn't letting anyone else help. Trix, Luke, Toby and Hannah all just stood around the edges of the kitchen. Conner came back in with one of my jumpers, he must have really pegged it up the stairs.

"Is this one OK?"

"It's fine babes." I gave him a smile, that seemed to put him at ease a little. He sat down on the chair next to mine and put his hands on top of mine.

"I'm sorry I shouted at you."

"Don't worry about it."

"What happened to you? You really did scare the shit out of me."

"I don't know, I just sort of phased out you know? It was like I wasn't there, and then I came round and looked up, but I don't know. Things just started running through my mind and I couldn't focus on anything, I started scaring myself and just needed to get some air, and space, but then I started hyperventilating."

"Are you OK now?"

"Yeah."

"What started running through your mind?"

"It's hard to remember, it's like every time an idea came into my head, another one started before I got chance to think about or remember the first. That's the best I can explain it."

"Luke could you go and tell the others he's OK?"

"Sure."

"Who's still here?"

"Everyone I think."

"Really?"

"I never saw anybody leave."

"Huh."

"Why? Were you expecting them all to go or something?"

"A lot of them yeah."

"I don't know. It might be that they just stayed for the party, not to support us or anything, but obviously they don't hate gays or they couldn't stand still being here in the same party as three gay couples."

"Oh, that's right I need to talk to Scott and Robbie."

"Are you sure you're OK to go back in there Danny?"

"Yeah, I'll have to some time."

"I'll come with you."

"Yeah we'll all go back in I think."

"OK."

I went back into the lounge. Without thinking about it I hunched over with my head down to the ground again. It was like reflex. I remembered that it was when I was first outted that I walked like this. It was because I didn't want to see people's eyes looking at me, peering at the gay guy, thinking 'what the hell has he got to hold his head up high for?' Even if they didn't think it, I couldn't help but think I saw it in their eyes.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I'm fine now."

"You're not looking where you're going."

"Oh, nothing."

"What are you doing? That's the third person you've bumped into."

"I'm sorry. Look I'm fine Conner."

"Then look up? Why are you doing this? They don't care. None of them seem bothered do they?"

"That's not the point."

"Danny, why are you freaking out on me like this?"

"I'm OK."

"You're not. Look up." I did. I looked at people as I passed and caught a few of them looking back at me, one smiled when she saw me looking back, a second guy did too giving me the thumbs up and a third guy snapped his head back round when he saw me looking. That was enough, my head went straight back down.

"Danny!" And up again. "Look, you said all along, we're going to make it through this together. We have to start by being brave so keep your head up." He was right it just proved more difficult than I expected it to.

"That's the last of them Danny."

"OK."

"You OK?"

"Uh huh. Just feel drained that's all."

"That's because you're worrying, even though you don't need to. What happened to that optimism talk we had earlier?"

"It got lost under the pressure of having to tell a crowded room that I'm gay."

"You win this round then, but don't think for one minute I'm going to let you get all negative again."

"He's right Danny."

"Are there any Bud's left?"

"Uh huh, I'll get you one." It was only going to be the third one that I would have had all evening.

"I thought you two had gone?" I looked to see Toby talking to James and Ryan.

"Err, no, we were in the, err, garden."

"I get it."

"No, no, no, nothing like that."

"Uh huh."

"Fine, don't believe me then."

"Why would I do something like that?" It made me laugh, the first time in quite a while.

"Are you going to be OK Danny?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine."

"OK then, if you're sure. I'll ring you tomorrow then."

"OK, bye James, bye Ryan."

"Yeah, see you. See you everyone."

"Bye."

"What time is it?"

"Two. You wanna watch some TV before you go to bed?"

"No, I think I'll just go up now actually, anyone want this beer? I don't want it after all." Sean took it off me.

"OK night guys. Oh and thanks for helping me out tonight."

"Don't worry about it."

"Night then." There was a shower of 'good nights' and Conner and I made our way upstairs. And got ourselves ready for bed.

"So, are you OK?"

"Yeah, much better now. I'm sorry I kept on freaking out like that."

"Just take it easy. It doesn't matter what other people think about us."

"I know, it just kind of felt weird though. I was scared to see what looks people gave me, I know it doesn't even matter, but I couldn't help it."

"You'll get used to it I guess. As time goes on you'll stop caring altogether what people think about this."

"I hope so."

"You will, we will."

"I'm sorry Conner."

"Don't be, like you said, you couldn't help it."

"I love you Conner, so much."

"I know, I love you too."

"So what are we going to do tomorrow?"

"We're going to go and stand in the town square and kiss in front of the whole population of Parkway."

"If I didn't know you any better, I'd think that you were being serious then."

"OK, well maybe not tomorrow. We'll take this one step at a time, but one day we're going to do that."

"We'll see babes, we'll see."

So, the boys have outted themselves. All of them. How is school going to treat them on Monday? Was it really the case that nobody cared? How will John react to his news being old news? Time will tell! Mail me! wanna_get_lucky@hotmail.com and visit my site too! http://www.luckys_place.homestead.com