OK then, here we are! Thanx everyone for the still positive feedback that I'm getting! Don't stop writing to me now! wanna_get_lucky@hotmail.com I'm making some good friends now, hi to everyone who writes to me regularly. You know who you are. By the way is there anyone from Jersey Channel Islands out there reading this? Write to me if you are, please. Anyway here's 7, have fun!
Time Will Tell Chapter 7 - Reveille
"Are you alright Scott?"
"Yeah, of course Claire. Why?"
"You said some pretty weird stuff earlier in the caf‚."
"Like what?"
"Well, about Danny. You gave the impression that you don't love him anymore."
"Is that a bad thing?"
"Of course it isn't, but are you genuine about it? I don't want you to kid yourself or fall out with Danny. You've always been such good friends, it was obviously never meant to be more than that."
"Look, I don't love Danny anymore. And now that I've come to realise that, I've also come to realise that I don't LIKE Danny anymore either."
"You don't mean that, I can tell"
"What do you mean you can tell? I think that if anyone knows how I feel it's me!"
"I disagree, I don't believe that anybody can tell the way they feel totally. I think that sometimes it needs others to help them sort out how they feel, release subconscious things like psychiatrists do with their patients."
"So you're telling me I need to see a shrink now?" Scott said getting up from his bed in temper.
"That's not what I said at all." Claire reassured Scott calmly. "All I'm saying is that I don't think that you have fallen out of love with Danny, when you feel so strongly about a person as you have done with Danny you never loose that strength of bond, your feelings will always be very strong for Danny, good or bad. It just shows that you care for him."
"I don't give a shit about the little fuck! He chose to take Conner instead of me, that's something he's going to have to live with from now on. I'm going to move on."
"He feels the same way about Conner as you did, or at least thought you did, for him. He hasn't lost out in that sense Scott, they're in love. You are going to be the one that is loosing out, you're denying yourself and him a friendship because of your jealousy. It isn't fair on either of you."
"I'm not fucking jealous anymore, why the fuck can't you see that? It's simple, I hate Danny."
Claire's expression turned to one of annoyance. She stood up from Scott's bed, adjusted her trousers and started to leave the room.
"Well I'm sorry that that's the case because everyone else that we know does, you're going to make things very difficult for yourself unless you soon realise what an idiot you're being."
Scott looked on in shock as Claire, his closest friend walked out of his room disgusted with him. He didn't know what to do, he thought of following her but was too scared that she'd reject him there on the spot. He knew that she was right, he had all along. He knew full well that he was still very much in love with Danny and that it hurt him inside every time that he had said that he didn't. He felt so stupid though, if everyone thought that he didn't love Danny anymore then he knew he wouldn't receive all the inevitable sympathy when Conner and Danny were together. He had imagined what it would feel like to sit in a room with Danny and Conner showing their affection for each other and having the added embarrassment of all his friends eyes turned in sympathy on him. He didn't want that, he could handle his feelings, he had for the last God knows how many years! He'd feel guilty if everyone was trying to cheer him up after every kiss the couple shared.
He had never intended to tell Claire that he hated Danny, he just wanted her and Luke to have the impression that he wasn't in love with Danny anymore, that was all. He had become angry with Claire for seeing through him so easily. She had shown concern and he just blurted the words out. He didn't hate Danny. He COULDN'T hate Danny. He felt angry with himself now for having let matters get so out of hand again. He had upset one of the only people in the world who truly mattered to him, he had been so stubborn and selfish. He kept on thinking to himself how Claire had only wanted to help him and that he had treated her harshly and unfairly. He wanted to sort out the problem, but he didn't know how to go about doing it.
For what seemed like the millionth time in the last few weeks he slumped to his bed and began to cry. Yet again a feeling of worthlessness enveloped his body and he lay there sobbing and thinking of how he had forced his friends away from himself, how he could never have the one person that he truly loved for himself and how he was too scared to be a friend for him anymore. He knew that he couldn't keep on letting this happen to himself, he kept on turning his friends against himself and he was gradually separating himself more and more from the people that he had cared about. He had to stop letting these people down because of the way he felt.
"Happy six month anniversary sweetheart." Trix said as he handed his card and present to Trace. She blushed a bright red colour and looked at him lovingly.
"I didn't think you'd remember." She said embarrassed by all the cheesy grins that Luke, Kate, Conner and Claire were surrounding her with.
"How could I forget? Don't open it yet, you can save it for at the restaurant after the movie tonight. I just wanted to tease you with it, you'll be wondering all day what it is now." Trace looked surprised at Trix who grinned back at her. She hadn't expected him to remember their six-month anniversary, let alone go to as much trouble as he obviously had done. She smiled at him and threw herself into his arms.
"Wow! If I get this for taking you to a movie and a restaurant then I think I'll have to do it much more often!"
"Feel free!" Trace joked back.
"OK I'm going to have to go now, I have PE over at the playing fields next so I have to run, I'll meet you outside Showcase at 6:30, we'll decide what to watch then OK?"
"Sure hunny." They kissed each other goodbye and Trix ran off towards the playing field as the rest of the group turned and headed off to school having heard the bell signal the end of morning break time. Tracey had never felt so loved by Trix before, she had a silly grin on her face that she couldn't get rid of. She realised that he cared for her a lot more than she had believed he did. She could see that their relationship was beginning to blossom and she was ecstatic for it.
I slowly woke up, at first aware that I was awake but I stayed in my warm comfy bed and let the bright sun keep my face warm and kept my eyes shut to avoid it's glare disturbing me as I thought it might. I lay peacefully and suddenly realised what had happened, I felt a jolt of fear strike like lightening through my stiff body. I opened my eyes and sat up quickly, regretting it straight away. Pain stung my chest from my sharp movement and dissolved slowly away as the fear remained in my mind.
"Fuck! Where am I?" I shouted. "Hello?"
I wanted to jump out of what I had reasoned was a hospital bed and run to look for a friendly face. I saw all the machines that were wired up to me and decided that that wouldn't be a good idea. I panicked as memories came flooding back, Conner and Star, the screams then I must have blacked out. I turned quickly, again regretting my decision from the pain that surged over my chest, and pressed the nurses call button. I turned my body back slowly round and turned only my head to look at the door to my right as a doctor was running in to my room followed quickly by two nurses.
"What happened to me? What the fuck is going on?"
Conner sat quietly in his French lesson. He wasn't paying attention, just scribbling on his book, drawing patterns around the little cartoon Frenchman who was telling him how to use the future tense correctly. He jumped a little as the sound of a phone ringing broke the silence that had descended in the class. After the first ring he went to continue with his doodling but as the second ring sounded out he realised that it was his phone. His mind ran him through several emotions very quickly; disbelief, shock, realisation then unbounded excitement. He leapt up from his seat and grabbed his text book and note book from the desk.
"I'll have that mobile phone if you don't mind Mr. Shears, you can have it back after school."
"The fuck you will!" Conner said smiling as he ran out of his lesson, not stopping despite hearing his teacher call after him. While he was running he took the phone out of his pocket and answered it.
"Hello Mr. Shears?"
"Doctor Lewis, hi!"
"Good morning, I'm ringing to let you know that Danny has come round. He seems to be fine. He's asked over you already, he says he found your letter and asked if I had any idea when you were going to be here next, I told him that as soon as you found out you'd probably be right on your way."
"OK thanks a lot I am on my way yeah!"
"OK then, I'll tell him, bye."
"Yeah bye, thanks." Conner disconnected the call as he reached the school gates. He ran flat out until he reached the taxi rank at the bottom of the school road. Luckily there was already three waiting there. Conner jumped into the one at the front of the line and told him where to go.
He sat in the taxi and thought about what he should say to Danny when he saw him. He suddenly started worrying that Danny would be angry with him for what had happened. His worries grew more and more as the taxi pulled into the hospital only five minutes later. He quickly paid the driver not bothering to wait for his change and ran into the hospital and through the network of corridors that he had come to know so well.
As he drew up outside Danny's room, he stopped in his tracks and his fear got the worst of him, he looked to the ground, too scared to simply turn the door handle and walk in. He wondered whether or not he should turn and walk out of the hospital now through fear that Danny would hate him. He turned his head and his eyes met with Doctor Lewis' and a team of nurses that were all smiling down the hall at him. He smiled back and knew that he couldn't walk away. He held his breath and turned the handle walking into the room.
His eyes immediately met Danny's and within split seconds Conner had burst into tears and found himself trying not to collapse to the floor.
"Hey I don't look that bad do I?" He hadn't heard my voice for weeks, not on the phone, in person, on a home video, only in his imagination and that couldn't do justice for the real thing, I could tell. He quickly ran to my side and leaned over me, hugging me around his neck and squeezing pretty damn hard. I let out a little cry of pain from the force of Conner's hug. He jumped straight back off as though he had hurt himself not me.
"I'm so sorry Danny. I really am, I didn't mean for you to get hurt like this. Please don't hate me. I am so, so sorry. Please I can't live without you anymore. Please don't hate me."
By now I myself was crying. I looked at Conner and could see that he had been beating himself up pretty bad for what had happened, but to be perfectly honest, I could never blame him. I loved him far too much, it wasn't his fault. It was my stupid fault for running out. I knew he was gay, he'd told me. I was going out with him for Christ's sake! I should have realised straight away that the kiss couldn't have meant anything to him and that I was wrong to have jumped to that conclusion. I had paid a big price for that mistake too. It is so weird to think that I have been unconscious for just over three weeks now! It's like something from the X-Files or something. You know? Waking up to a date weeks in the future! Freaky stuff!
"Conner, don't apologise babes, it wasn't your fault, you tried to stop me but I was being stubborn, there was no way you would have stopped me in time. It wasn't your fault."
I felt so upset to see him crying the way he was. It was if he had been saving up weeks of sorrow and was venting it in front of me now like an overflowing bath or something.
"That's what everyone has been saying, but I just can't help but feel responsible."
"Don't if it's anyone's fault it's that slapper Star Mariscal's fault!"
"I've missed you so much!" Conner had started to calm down a bit now. He came back closer to my bed again.
"I know. I love you Conner. I'm so sorry that I couldn't be here for you when you were so upset. I feel so angry knowing that you've been like this while I couldn't be here for you."
"It wasn't your fault."
"It wasn't your fault either though, get that idea right out of your head."
"Anything you say!"
"Oh and by the way I'm gone for three weeks, come back, everyone knows I'm gay, even my mother! What is that about?" Conner looked guilty instantly, I flashed him a smile to let him know that I wasn't angry with him. It felt weird though. Everyone knew and I was helpless to stop it from happening. Conner had said in his letter that nobody cared. I was still pretty terrified though. I hadn't seen anyone other than Conner and yet was kind of nervous knowing that I'd have to face my mother any minute now probably.
"Yeah sorry about that."
"Well if everyone knows then it won't really make any difference if they come in and find us kissing then, will it?" I gave Conner a one-eyebrow-raised look and he quickly smiled and lent in. It was so good to kiss Conner, he was just like a dream come true every time (not that there had been many yet). His lips were so soft, but his tongue that writhed around in my mouth was so gentle but strong too, if you know what I mean. He was just sooo good it was unbelievable.
We held the kiss for what was about two minutes but seemed like two seconds. My room door being opened broke it. Conner jumped back with guilt written all over his face, I couldn't help but laugh, neither could Doctor Lewis when he realised what had just been broken up.
"Sorry, to be interrupting. Danny I can't get hold of your mother, there hasn't been any answer from your home yet, I'll let you carry on trying if that's OK?"
"Sure I need to dial a 9 to get an outside line from the hospital phone system right?"
"That's right, I'll leave you to it!" At that Conner blushed just that little bit more and the doctor left.
"Stop laughing you." Conner said beginning to laugh himself. My laughter died down as the pain in my chest returned. I re-opened my eyes to find a look of worry in Conner's eyes for me. I smiled at him putting him back at ease. He sat by me holding my hand for hours just talking with each other. Well. Nearly just talking with each other. Our lips met a couple of times more that day. I knew every time Conner looked at me that he loved me and it made me feel so damn special it was unbelievable.
Ta da! Hope you liked it. Some questions answered, some posed. Will Scott get himself together? Can Danny and Conner make their relationship work now that they're finally getting it off the ground? How will Danny take the news of his father leaving home? Who know? Time Will Tell. Don't forget to write now wanna_get_lucky@hotmail.com see y'all next chapter.