Authors Note: Hi yall, I'm sorry for not getting this out sooner but thigs came up and I had to wait on this one. Yes I have updated the Past Reflections but the reason for this one was something called writter's block. I had finally broke through. I had to redo this installment several times but I finally got it done. Again I'm sorry but things happen and you can't control them. The Song Lost Hearts is a copyrighted work any replication of it will result in legal prosicution. I here by give permition to Nifty to post it and it is the only one allowed to hold it. Thank you.
ThankYous: Okay I want to list all the ppl who pushed for this installment. They are Starbolt, Zak, DDP, Em, Billy, basically all my buddies at the Nifty chat room for boybands. To get there you can one click on the link at the top of the Boy Bands section or if you use mIRC you can put in the server irc.nifty.org port# 6667 I hope to see everyone there. Well I guess I'll go for now.
Legal stuff: Okay you guys and gals know the rules. If you aren't old enough don't read this, other wise enjoy. This is a figmant of my imagination so this does not mean that any one of NSYNC or BSB are gay or bi.
I love to get e-mails so please send me something about this story. Comments and sugestions wanted. my e-mail addy is wesleym2@yahoo.com.
Previously
I awoke to find this stuffed puppy and card with some balloons sitting next to me. I smiled and took the card. It read on the front:
I know right now things look down
and you think you can't go on.
I just wanna say...
inside
I am always thinking about you and
things are gonna rise again.
Wes,
I am thinking about you and I know you are hurt right now I just want you to know I am there for you. If you need a hug then just ask and you shall recieve. I do Love you but I will wait till your ready.
Love,
Lance
I smiled and let a tear fall but wiped it away. I hugged the puppy and got up and went over to Lance's bed and nelt. I watched him sleep. I waited there for over an hour when he finally woke up. He opened his eyes and saw me there beside his bed and he smiled.
"You like your gifts?"
"Like them I love them and I... I love you Lance. I know...I know I said that I needed to wait but I think I would heal better if I was with you." I said as a tear formed and fell down my face. Lance reached and wiped it away. He sat up and pulled me to him. Our lips met and I felt fireworks go off. There wasn't lust there just love he gental. I felt like I was cloud nine. I didn't even hear the knock on the door or some one enter. All I heard was a whistle. We broke and saw A.J. standing there with Howie. "And what do you guys want" I said with a smile.
"Oh we just wanted to know if you guys wanted to go to a club tonight."
"O.." I was cut off by Lance.
"We have plans for tonight sorry." They smiled and left. I looked up at Lance with a question showing on my face. "Wes would you like to have diner with me tonight just the two of us?"
"Yes I would love to." I leaned in and kissed him and then got up to get a shower for tonight. Things were begining to look better.
And Now
I finished my shower and got dried off. I walked into the room and saw Lance asleep on the bad. He looked so cute. I went over to the closet and got my clothes and then went back to the bathroom to dress. I exited the bathroom hearing an alarm. When I looked up i saw the alarm said it was 8:30am I shook my head remembering the dream i had. 'That would never happen he wouldn't leave me like that.' I thought.
I remembered I had to go drop off some resumes so maybe I can find a job so i can stay here.I got up and got dressed left. After I dropped off the last resume i headed home. I had no car so I had to walk. But I enjoy walking so it was no problem. I saw an internet cafe. I walk over to the counter and log on to ICQ. I see my fiance` is online and has sent me a message.
Ranger: I have enjoyed talking with over the past months and I don't have any regrets from it...you have been a perfect gentleman
Lil' Warrior: Ranger what is going on
Lil' Warrior: babe...........have I done something wrong
Ranger: You haven't done anything wrong...It is me, I am perceiving the rift or distance getting to me.
Lil' Warrior: are you trying to say what I think you are saying
Ranger: I can't cope or handle the distance...I should have never started anything in the beginning...that is why said that this is my doing or fault...you have been nothing but wonderful and supportive.
I just can't continue to hold on to what I can't...and I can't. Yes talking here and via the phone has helped, but the lack of physical and true emotional contact has broaden the expanse of loss and
I just don't know anymore
Lil' Warrior: I hope you can find some one to hold you and be with you since I won't be.
Ranger: Wes I will always love and care for you...my dreams, no, my hopes and desires keep getting deflated or reduced. I wanted to do so much with you, but the chances to do that kept getting knocked down.
I am not sure of what I want now. And I didn't want you to get hurt more down the road. It hurts but I am taking the blunt of it so you won't later
Lil' Warrior: my heart is gone and there is no other, like the poem by Eger Allen Poe says `never more never more', never more shall I see the light of love for the that light is gone
Ranger: what are you going to do?
Lil' Warrior: I can't do any thing because my heart that has been broken and put back together is now shattered beyond repair. and a person can't live with out a heart
Ranger: what are you going to do
are you going to hurt yourself???
Lil' Warrior: HOW CAN I YOU HAVE HURT ME FAR WORSE THAN ANY DEATH
a promise kept a promise broken
that is a line from my song Broken Promises
Ranger: I have no idea what to tell you, other than I am sorry to have hurt you...
Night
Lil' Warrior: Good Bye.
With that I logged off of ICQ and continued to cry. We were due to be married in a few months. I was at a Internet Cafe talking to my now ex-boyfriend. As I walked out I ran into someone.
"S--s--sorry" I said.
"That's okay I saw you crying and was coming to ask if everything was okay."
"I just found out that I'm single again, my boyfriend just dumped me." I couldn't see very well because of the tears that stung my eyes.
"How about we go some where and talk and get you calmed down."
"Okay I guess." Was all I said. I wouldn't look up at this man. I heard him dial a number on his cell phone.
"Hey is Justin there or J.C.? Hey Just, could you come pick me up, I'm at the Internet Cafe in the mall?... Yeah there is some one here with me, he just got some very bad news with his relationship, and he ran into me and I want to see if we could cheer him up... Ok see ya in a few." Who is this man.
"Ex--excuse me but you don't kn--know me and I don't know you."
"Well my name is James, and a friend of mine is coming to pick us up, his name is Justin."
"My name is Wes." After that I went silent. I wouldn't talk, just quietly cry. We waited for about 30 min. when I was helped to a car. The two guys in the front talked to each other about me. James told Justin what he knew. Except that I was gay. 30 min. later we pulled up in front of a house that was pretty large. I really didn't care. James and Justin got me out of the car and headed to the house.
Upon entering a woman with blonde hair met us and greeted me. She was told the situation and she expressed her concern. They showed me to the guest room some I could get some rest. I was physically and emotionally drained. I didn't know what I was going to do. But for now sleep was the only comfort.
Out in the living room
"I hope Wes will be okay. He seems to be a really nice man, I wonder how old he is?" Lynn said to Lance and Justin.
"Well I had been walking around the mall and decided to check my e-mail. I walked in and saw Wes at a computer crying. Before I could go over to him he logged out and ran out of the store and ran into me."
"We all know how you are with seeing someone crying, you can't stand it." Lance just giggled.
"Well it is getting late and I think everyone should get some rest. Lance you can stay in the room next to J.C.'s" With that they all headed to bed.
The Next morning
I awoke to find myself in a strange bed, a strange house. I started to panic, and then I realized what had happened the night before. I then started to cry like a baby. I didn't know but the blonde lady was already up along with the rest of the people I met last night. Justin heard me crying and came running to me. When he entered the room I was in the floor in an open corner in a ball. He sat down next to me and pulled me in his arms. I buried my face in his chest. Softly I heard him humming a song. It kind of sounded familiar but I didn't know what it was. He started to rock back and forth, humming softly. He then began to sing softly. The song wasn't one I had heard before, but it was his voice that really calmed me down, he had a very beautiful voice. It was like that of an angel. As he continued to sing I slowly stopped crying and just listened to the song, and his voice. After a little while he stopped and I then looked up in his eyes. They were the bluest eyes I had ever seen. He had angelic smile on his face as he saw that he had helped me quit crying.
"You want some breakfast Wes?"
"Yeah I guess, but afterward I have to get to my apartment to get changed and freshened up."
"Okay I have the day off so I will take ya." I nodded and he stood and helped me up. When I entered the dinning room there were more people here than there was last night or that I could remember. "Wes, I would like to formally introduce you to the guys. Okay starting with the guy over by the counter, that is J.C., the one with the flaming red hair is Joey, the one with the braids is Chris, and the other blonde is James as you know, and I Justin. The old guy that just come in is Paul my step dad, and the woman at the head of the table is my mom Lynn Harlis."
"Hi every one. My name is Wesley Cook Wes for short." I looked at every one and they nodded. "I guess you want to know what is going on huh?" They all nodded yes and so I began the long tail of my relationship with Scott and how it ended. I looked at Justin and he had tears in his eyes. Well all of them did but still. J.C. was the first to speak.
"I can't believe he just gave up, quit fighting." Then Joey.
"Well my opinion is that he is a jerk, my reason being is that it seems that all he wanted was a piece of meat and then throw it away for a new one."
"Well Joey, I don't think that, he was very good to me but he did hurt me and that is that." Justin then decided to speak.
"I want you to know that I will..err I mean we will be here for you. Okay?"
"Okay" I smiled and finished my breakfast. When I was done Justin took my dishes and went to the kitchen. Then came back out.
"You ready Wes?" Everyone looked at me wanting to know what was going on.
"Justin is taking me by my house so I can change into some nice clothes for a meeting I have today."
"Wes, what is this meeting about?" Lynn asked.
"Oh I'm supposed to meet with a few people from a record company called Jive. They called me a week ago telling me that they wanted to sign me on as a singer." As I finished saying that I looked around the room and every one had this surprise look on their face. "What did I say?" With that they snapped out of it.
"Wes did you get the names of the people who you are to meet?"
"Well yeah, one of the men is David Bryceman and the other I can't think of and then was a group that is called NSYNC that is supposed to be there. Why?" Again I get this shocked look. "You act as if I should know you... it can't be... J--James is your name also Lance?" He dropped his head and I knew then who I was with. Truthfully I wasn't really surprised. I doubt that anything could surprise me. I sat down and tried to think. These guys work for Jive who might be my new employer and they know I'm gay and my life history. My heart sank because there would be no way I could get signed on with Jive if they told them about me. "Is there a music studio around here?"
"Why?" Joey asked.
"Well when I have problems I play the piano. It helps me think." Then Lynn jumped in.
"We have a baby grand in the studio down stairs, you are more than welcome to use it." I thanked her and Justin lead the way with the rest of the guys following me. The studio was like one you would find at a recording company. I went to the piano and started playing a song I had heard on the radio some where. The guys just watched as I played. I finished the song and decided to sing a song that I like very much. It was by Michael Bolton. when I finished the song i decided to play one of mine. Lost Hearts.
The eyes of a being
Is the door to the soul
When you look what do you see.
In me you know
The hard times and good
The love and the heart ache.
Then why do you say good bye.
Look in my eyes
What do you see?
Fear to love
Anger to lose
Sadness to bare
A lost heart you see there.
I look in your eyes
And see a heart empty of feeling.
I was there but now I'm gone
The past is done and the future not written
The soul lives the truth of the body
And when I look
I see another lost heart.
Look in my eyes
What do you see?
Fear to love
Anger to lose
Sadness to bare
A lost heart you see there.
Love was what we had
Our hearts unseperatable
We gave each other
Our heart, body, and soul.
But now we must part with
Lost Hearts to show
Look in my eyes
What do you see?
Fear to love
Anger to lose
Sadness to bare
A lost heart you see there.
Why did this happen
Our love was complete
Now it is at our feet.
We both know now
That our hearts will mend
But love for each other never will.
So now we deal with two lost hearts.
I looked up when I finished that song to see Justin in tears and the other guys with very shocked faces. I needed to talk to Justin alone so I can see what is wrong with him.
"Guys can I talk to Justin alone please." They shook their heads yes and left me and Justin alone. "Justin what's wrong man, is there something bothering you?"
"Well..it's just..."
"Justin don't be afraid of it or me."
"Well it's ...I think I am in love with someone but it is wrong." He looked in my eyes to see nothing but love and caring. I looked in his eyes and saw compassion and love. We leaned in and then we felt the spark of something in side us. It's that spark when you find your true love. I put my hand behind him and pulled him closer to me to deepen the kiss. I heard someone knock at the door and I broke the kiss. Justin just looked at me a little hurt but that disappeared when he heard the knock at the door.
"Yeah..."
"Wes what time did you say your appointment was?" I looked down at my watch and I had only 30 min. to get ready and get there.
"Shit, I'm sorry Just."
"Don't worry about it I understand, you should be able to wear some of J.C. clothes lets go see. Or maybe mine." With that we headed upstairs. I looked at the sizes and saw that J.C.'s clothes were too tight for me. I then looked trough some of Justin's and found the clothes that could fit me. I grabbed a pair of black pants and a two tone blue sweater. I took a quick shower and he gave me a pair of silk boxers. I put them on and removed the towel. I put on the rest of my clothes that was his and fixed my hair and then went down stairs. The guys approved and so we all head out to my appointment.
Jive
"Hello Mr. Cook, My name is David Bryceman."
"Hello, Mr. Bryceman." I said as I shook his hand.
"Please call me David, now first of all I guess you have met the guys of NSYNC, so now lets get on with this meeting." I was nervous needless to say. He told me the history of Jive and a bunch of bull shit. Then he got to the point. "What I am trying to say is that we can't sign you on at this time." I wasn't the only one pissed.
"Hey wait a minute here." J.C. said a little loud. "What are ..."
"J.C. if you would let me finish, but the reason NSYNC is here is because they are in need of a personal assistant. When we did the back ground check on you we discovered that you have worked in that type of work before. So we think for now it is best for you. Then when it is time we will sign you on as a singer." I felt better that I would still get to work for Jive and still will be able to get signed on. But that also gave me time to become friends with Justin and maybe with time get together. We finished the rest of the meeting by me signing contracts. One of the contracts I had to sign was one that said I had to keep my sexual preference away from the media. I understood that perfectly. After David left we NSYNC and me did more talking about our new situation.
"Well I think it is a good thing, for Wes and all." Justin chimed. Lance agreed with him.
"It is gonna be different that is for sure, we never had some one who knows us as normal human beings before." Was Joey's answer.
"Welcome to the group Wes." Chris said. But J.C. kept quiet. I just brushed off and got my things together. The guys did the same and we all headed out. Once in the limo everybody wanted to do different things.
"Hey guys it is late but I want to go for a walk on the beach." That got a few stares and one laugh. Justin though thought it was a great idea.
"Okay you and Justin will be at the beach, I'm going to a club, anyone want to join me." J.C. asked. Joey and Chris said they wanted to go. Lance wanted to get some things done at home so he was going home. So the first stop was the beach since it was the closest. Me and Justin got out and the guys all headed out.
"Justin, when you kissed me today, what did you feel?" There was a silence and then he spoke.
"Well, when I first saw you, you looked so alone and my heart went to you. And then you cried in my arms. I wanted to take the pain away from you and from me. Then when I kissed you I felt like...I don't know it just felt right ya know." The answer was one of thought.
"I felt the same way as you did when we kissed, but it really is too soon for me to start a new relationship right now, I just got dumped yesterday, but...I don't know." We had stopped. I turned to look at the sky and watch the sun sink behind the water. I sat down and so did Justin. I don't know why but this feels so right to be with him why can't I just allow him in. I let a tear fall as the last bit of the sun disappeared under the water. I was still watching the horizon when I felt a hand wipe the tear from my eye. I turned to Justin.
"It's okay Wes, I'm not going to hurt you. I never thought it possible but I do love you, yes we only met yesterday but, I heard some where that love will find you not you find it and when it does it is like being hit with a bunch of bricks." I knew what he was saying because I felt it too. When I'm with him I feel complete. I let another tear fall but it is not a tear of sadness but a tear of joy. I thought that when I lost Scott, I would never be able to love again. But I am. I looked in to those sapphire blue eyes. I could see his very soul. I could see the worlds move around us. The stars light up with joy. At that moment nothing could hurt us. We slowly leaned in to feel the power of love flow between to people in a kiss. The image that came to mind was that one scene of Beauty and the Beast, where Belle kisses the prince and the curse is removed. I could feel it deep in the very center of my soul. I knew then that there was no turning back.
When we broke the stars had all come out and the moon was shining brightly. We got up and walked up to where the guys had dropped us off. I was surprised to see Lance there. Waiting on us with a grin on his face. In the car Lance looked back at me through the mirror. He saw that i had this really weird expresion on my face.
"Wes whats wrong?"
"Oh its just that I... well I... I don't know how to explain it but I guess I knew what was gonna happen today or the possibility of it. I dreamed the night before last i had lost my fiance` and found a friend you, and a lover Justin... I don't know its just very weird. But at least part of the dream came true. I found someone I love dearly." I looked at Justin in the front seat. I then looked straight ahead and saw this car swerving in the middle of the road.
"OH MY GOD!!!!! LANCE WATCH OU..."
TBC...
Hmmmm I think u know whats gonna happen but then again it may not who knows. Let me know what you think. Well Talk with you later guys and gals.